People change. Life moves on. You must move on. Sounds like your living in fond memories and that great feeling when the gangs together.. make new friends and make friends with yourself most of all. Friends come and go. Nothing is permanent or perfect. You are your own best friend. You can’t get yesterday back. It’s gone and the future is not yet to be. Live in the moment and play in the life you have right now

@MiahVega

11 ай бұрын

People like you are the reason I love reading youtube comment :) I needed this

@Bunny11344

11 ай бұрын

Unfortunately I’m one of those who outgrew my friends and one doesn’t understand how or why. He doesn’t seem to comprehend that I’m not the same person I was when I was 19-25.. I’m 35 now a lot has changed and my priorities aren’t the same. It seems more work to try to maintain older friendships

@joelpineda4414

11 ай бұрын

Yeah this is true and I guess all people have to live forever!!!!!!!!!! And it’s not real about life getting old!! We all need to live forever and to stay young forever!!!

@victorlaguna9003

2 ай бұрын

🥺

@jessieis

Күн бұрын

​@@Bunny11344 Personally, friendships do require work. It seems really easy to lose track of people when you get older with your job or family etc I find myself having trouble having a girls night becuase all of my friends live their own life. I just keep telling others to keep expanding their social circles as they move through life too. Some people get stuck maintaining certain friends forever, it's not always gonna last.

There’s always that one friend in the group who just cares a little more than everyone else 😂😂

Dude is lucky he had a close group until 30, some dont even get that.

People sometimes have these "Friends" tv show fantasies where characters are always twentysomething, single, and have all the time in the world to hang out. That's what this caller sounds like to me. Life changes and people move on.

@rachelgooden9981

11 ай бұрын

😂

There is a meme floating around that’s a picture of teenagers on bikes in an older neighborhood. The caption reads: there is a point in your life where you hop on your bike, ride around the neighborhood with your friends and you don’t realize that it’s for the last time

I feel the same way. My life when I was 20 was super fun, tons of friends, always going out.. once I hit 30 none of us even talked anymore. Everyone went their separate ways, got married and had kids.. Now they are all are a distant memory.

I've lost friends because we don't party anymore or because they got married, or they started having kids., or they moved away, or they grew up or vice versa. There are lots of reasons why people move on in your life. People grow in different directions and it is all good. Go with the flow and you'll find your new lane(s) and they may change again. Change is constant.

@Channyb89

7 ай бұрын

Change is constant 💯

I feel compassion for this guy.....I had a lot of friends in high school and during my early twenties.....then when responsibilities and moving around came into my life, friendships shifted and it was a loss.....fast forward, I'm a 52-year-old woman who has a couple of friends, but my priorities are my husband, children, and aging relatives......we keep every memory and cherished moment in hearts I guess......

The moral of this tale is to never have expectations, of anyone or anything.

I’m in my mid 20’s and I can see this coming from a mile away. We all know why this happens.

@fauxbro1983

11 ай бұрын

A lot of times it's because other people your friends will decide to have family

@AG-rc2np

11 ай бұрын

@@fauxbro1983 Exactly! Nothing wrong with that, the bond of close friendships in someones early 20’s gets replaced by intimate bonds with romantic partners.

@boston312

11 ай бұрын

which is why so many people are mentally lost after a divorce (married Americans have over a 50% at separation from their marriages). When you put all your time and energy into someone and it doesnt work out most people cant handle the after effects@@AG-rc2np

@Bunny11344

11 ай бұрын

@@AG-rc2npeven though I knew this at a young age its also problematic from a parents pov. They expect you to marry and settle down etc when you’re not ready to. But yes very normal to settle than to go out like you used to

@sensimania

11 ай бұрын

It's due to personal growth. People can't remain friends with the same group of people since they were 10yrs old. It hinders personal growth. Each individual develops their own interests and has (or wants) a journey that is different from the rest. Especially when its such a large group of friends. There may also be some "bad eggs" in the group who teases others for having interests that they don't understand, or personality clashes. Some might even remain stagnant in life and still has the same mentality/interests as when they were teens. I'm 40 now, and keep in touch with only 2 (out of 10-15) childhood friends. But we only catch up once or twice a year because we no longer have enough in common to interact more often. As my adult years progressed, I found a new "tribe" who I'm able to resonate with more than I ever could with my childhood friends. Another point of view is the scenario where you saw all of them as "good friends" but some of them only viewed you as an acquaintance. Perspectives. But that's another topic for another day

Its great, let it happen. It is not done out of hate. People grow apart, its the way life unfolds. 95% of my recent friends are totally new that I have met over the past 3 years. Make other friends in other places of life. You can still love your old friends without seeing them as much.

Not everyone can hang out together. You can do things separately with certain people and have your own things and that's OK.

I do have to admire people who still keep in touch with people from school or town after 30, 40, 50 years…especially when they live hours apart. I knew folks throughout life, but were never that close or close enough to keep the relationship after separation. When I die….chances are no one will show up to my funeral….or even remember me to be honest.

@LadyMarigoldWithers

11 ай бұрын

Same here, I have maybe 4 friends but only one I see regularly, the other 3 are months between visits and it’s _always_ me making the effort. I’ve tried to make friends since moving 5 years ago but I think it comes off as weird at this age (40s) and no one ever wants to engage so I’ve stopped trying. Been on edges of groups my whole life anyway so not much change.

@brown_eyed_girl

11 ай бұрын

That makes me sad to read. I hope you put yourself out there in some sort of club or group and make some lifelong friends.

@jessieis

Күн бұрын

You'd be surprised who remembers you. They may not be thinking about you all the time, but if you name were to be brought up in a setting, I'm sure they would have a memory of you. I'm always surprised with responses on Facebook during my birthday of people I lost touch with over the years. I've ran into old classmates or employees that have stopped me in public to reminisce on some old memories. Don't assume you're invisible.

I’m experiencing this and it’s so difficult and truly heartbreaking.

@semosancus5506

11 ай бұрын

Wait until you look up in your 50s and realize it's been gone a long time.

@redzin8818

11 ай бұрын

We all have to go through this, so know you're not alone. You're in a unique place in life where you are growing and that might look the same as others. Just know that none of it is a waste, but is a stepping stone in your journey to success. My response is more like a book, lol. But I mean to encourage you

@j0epark1

11 ай бұрын

I have stopped associating my happiness with my friends. Sure it's always nice to have a good social gathering from time to time, but realize that there are more important things in life.

@blk1735

11 ай бұрын

@@j0epark1 Great perspective

@kristinrichmond8185

11 ай бұрын

Yep it’s called maturity. I’m surprised how many people don’t understand this about friendships. Good for you.

Some friends hold on a little too tight when life happens. We can't all pretend we are still in our teens - early 20s forever. That is towny logic. The real friends can flow with the life changes and share new stuff instead of living in the past. If their lives go a different direction good for them and when it works so be it. Life is too short to still be in a high school or college is forever mindset and it can be boring.

@Bunny11344

11 ай бұрын

Wisest comment here 💯

I felt this episode so much! I’m 30 and my husband 31 and we had a group of friends that fell apart bit by bit. We have a busy schedule with my husband being a worship pastor at a church and I have a full time job as well. We have a Saturday night service and because we couldn’t do things on Saturday they just eventually stopped inviting us rather than trying to do it on a Friday night or something. Other friends either seems no longer cared for church (church is what made us friends to begin with) or their lifestyles don’t line up with us. We’ve got two friends from that group that are married now that we are still hanging on to but even still we are growing more and more distant with them after they moved farther away and then having two kids as well as us also having two and the busy schedules. I’ve also found parenting styles can effect friendship too, which is something I never would have thought. We also had a situation where two of our friends dated broke up and now she is married to one of our other friends. So the two guy friends no longer want anything to do with each other.

@rustyshackleford6637

11 ай бұрын

that's a good story

@evansjustin2459

11 ай бұрын

​@@rustyshackleford6637lmfao

At 40... Don't get me wrong, I like my friends... But I can go long gaps of time without seeing or speaking to them. Just pick back up where we left off.

A male counselor told me “ let other people have their reactions “ . You’re responsible for your reactions not theirs . Why do you have to try to fix it ? That’s your ego . ( He was not talking about being rude or insensitive) I’d say be happy to see 1-2 friends at a time , good friends are hard to come by

This happens as you get older. I don't really hang out with the people I was friends with in my early 20's since we grow up and start having our own values and beliefs.

I know now that some people are only meant to be in your life for a season. But, it's hard when you expect it to be a lifetime. Just comes with getting older.

Not even the fellowship of the ring continued forever. See old friends as you can, and make new friends along your own journey. You'll be fine.

Changing relationships is one of the most difficult, peculiar experiences to go through. Over the past decade, I saw family relationships that I was close to that drifted over time. There weren't disagreements or conflicts beyond the norm. My goals were different from theirs. They had different priorities. I called one cousin about two months ago, in this group that I was closest to, with whom I lost contact after moving. Our conversation was about 15 seconds, but pleasant. She said she would call back. Two months later, I'm waiting on that phone call. I hoped to reestablish the connection. Ultimately, if you want closeness, get a dog. They'll be with you until either of you leave this existence. Otherwise, if you're fortunate to have a lifelong romantic relationship, keep it.

*I’m in my mid 30s, married with children. I haven’t had friends since I graduated college in 2010. I honestly don’t care to find new ones and I live life on easy mode.*

I'm a 33 yr old female, I have gone through this for various reason, however it has been an absolute blessing! I have a few great friends, which is great, but I spend my time living how I want to live. I travel, but myself gifts, eat whatever I want, it's amazing!!! It has also brought me closer to God. At the end of the day when you leave this temporary home, you leave with God, & I thank him everyday for everything I have. Stay strong, look on the bright side, God bless 🙏🙏🙏

@samuelzulu9731

11 ай бұрын

Well.said

Caller can keep both sets of friends, just invite them to separate events that would interest them. If Friend A likes concerts and Friend B likes hiking, then invite each friend to the specific event/activity they like. If both friends like the exact same bands, then alternate invites so you spend time with each one. Never discuss what each friend is doing with the other estranged friend (don't act like a spy, keep confidential).

A lot of people love to talk about what they consider the best years of their lives, generally in their early 20s. It never seems to occur to them that their lives can be even better 10, 20, 40 years after their youthful heyday. The best way to approach life is to stay open and let relationships flow naturally. I can understand this man feeling a certain sadness about the loss of what was, but life is full of surprises. He needs time to put things in perspective and just stick around, making his life the best that it can be, each and every day.

THIS IS IT; THAT IS ALL😊🎉

It's part of adulthood.

Nearly 40 now, and I don't hang out with anyone from my teens or 20's. Some of us grew apart, some of them never grew up while the rest of us did, it happens. I do have one acquaintance from childhood, decent guy, but if we met now, we wouldn't be friends as we have nothing in common anymore. A man can't step in the same river twice, it's not the same man, nor the same river. Same with friendships.

Some people just really love their friends a little more than most. It will be hard for this guy but thats life. People change and you cant predict how.

Good phone call. I'd also add that we men don't make "real" friendships as easily as women do, unfortunately. Men can hang out together for years not because they're friends, but because they have some mutual goal/activity in mind. And once that goal/activity disappears, so does the "friendship," which may disappoint the person who was more invested.

I can relate. Turned 30 and started a new job right before COVID lock down. It was so easy not to live in community now Im relearning how to make friends. It's hard, but it's worth it.

Probably not the most positive way to cope but I live in DC and it’s highly transient. I see friends move away so often it’s breathtaking. That’s in addition to the friends who move on as discussed in this episode. I no longer allow myself to get attached to people and leaned to be by myself most of the time. As soon as someone mentions moving, I cut them out because friendships become relics once people leave and you stop sharing new experiences. If I sense a friend distancing from me, I avoid spending time and energy on them. It still hurts my feelings but I don’t allow them to leave me devastated.

@JustinCase780

11 ай бұрын

It's a small world and you can stay connected if they are true friends. Part of living in D.C. that is so fun and advantageous is meeting people with incredible lives from all over.

@SebionBion

11 ай бұрын

@@JustinCase780 agreed. i have some close international friends.

@noble604

11 ай бұрын

If you find a true friend and they move away, don’t let go of the friendship. True friends are hard to find. Don’t let distance come between you.

@michaelh2282

11 ай бұрын

I live in DC too. I get where you're coming from, but the flip side is that because DC is full of transient people, people tend to be friendlier to outsiders since they don't have close connections themselves here, and people are usually more interesting because they have many unusual life experiences . It's far easier to keep in touch with people now than it used to be thanks to social media if you put in a little effort. I still have friends that have moved to foreign countries 10 years ago and we still keep in contact and see each every year or two.

@mle011

11 ай бұрын

I agree- transient towns or cities people are friendly and actually want to make friends and connections. I find small towns to be harder to make friends, because everyone is like this dude and has their group of 20 friends they’ve known since 5th grade and don’t care about meeting new people.

There is a distinct advantage in not having been a part of a group or a crowd as a young person. This was the case with me. I had friends who I really enjoyed, but I was basically a loner. I could see my friends and really enjoy them, but the best moments of my youth were spent in my own company. At the same time, I can call my best friend from high school 55 years ago, and it's as though no time has passed.

Sometimes you reconnect with old friends after many years of drifting apart. You may not see someone for a very long time, then reconnect and find that you have different things in common than when you were younger. This has happened with me a few times. The friendship has taken on a whole other dimension, but the connection is in many ways more interesting. The thing is that you don't experience this until you have been away from that old friend for many years, but it does happen.

People never stick around. Friends are worthless. Don’t hold onto anyone. Life will be better that way.

The way this world’s moving, I think, going forward, people (generally) won’t have these sorts of long-lasting friend groups (or any expectation of it.) We’re living in a world with an ever increasing number of options... choices on how we want to be/ go/ do. Life is no longer confined to the walls of your high school/ your church/ your neighborhood/ your community/ your high school job or wherever you met these people who became your friends and everyone in the group will quickly go off to do other things and never come back to what started there. It’s wonderful that they could remain friends for this long. Fifteen years? I hope the ones still interested will keep in touch.

You out grow people and vice versa. By the time you get ready for work; get your kids to school; drive to work; work; drive home; eat dinner; you have maybe 2 hours to yourself before you sleep. Then rinse and repeat tomorrow, if you get tomorrow.

@Bunny11344

11 ай бұрын

I don’t want or have kids even then I only get 4 hours to myself and it’s not enough. Always busy so can’t imagine talking on the phone for hours trying to catch up with friends anymore. But I can talk for hours abt nothing to my bf lmao, different priorities

Sounds to me that he is holding on to the past.

Most of my friends married with kids. I have no intention on ever having kids. They're changing diapers and I'm going to ragers and concerts. We're all about 32-35. I can't imagine their life and they can't go back to mine. It's a great disconnect and I don't see them much because they can't go out. I have always travel to their house and fight for their attention as their irritating toddlers run around and demand both of our attention. It's honestly so annoying and gives me a headache (one of the many reasons I'm child-free). I've known some of them since we were 15 (!!) and now in our 30s I've lost them. I'm very sad, but what can I do? Now all my new friends are mid-twenties.

That's the sad part about life. I woke up one day and realized a lot my friends were gone. Sometimes, it's a change in views, but also, it's people get busy and lose track of each other. Sometimes, i ask myself, "were they my friends, or were they just people around for a season like classmates."

Unfortunately, I think this happens to almost everybody. I had a VERY solid friend group (2 actually- 1 from college and 1 from high school). I’m 29 and it seems we all ended up in different states (at least for a period) for work. Just gets harder to keep up with them so I finally decided to move as well and Found many close friends who travel with me now for work. Unfortunately, you gotta move on which I hate saying because I believe your friends should be friends regardless of life’s turmoils but all you can do is keep trying 🤷‍♂️

John is so right about the 28 to 33 season. These types of changes are hard for me, but I know that I have to do the best I can do to appreciate and cherish what was and also appreciate and cherish what is. And not everything is always going to say the same. And moving on doesn't always mean a bad thing Also I reconnected with some friends that I didn't think I'd ever reconnect with recently so there's also those possibilities as well. Ultimately there's a lot of bittersweet, and a lot of realizing it's time to let go of what was

Thank you, Dr. John. I needed this!

I am 33 years old and my friend group is still going strong. Half of us have gotten married, the other half moved out of state, etc. and we still always make time for our friendship. We have all had disagreements with one another and some blow outs but one of the perks of having friendships that last so long is that your friends are pretty much the same as your family. We know each other deeply. We work out whatever fights we get into because we love each other and are invested in one another and the bond we have. I am so grateful for my friends!!

Never had this problem glad I don’t I have my best friend that we have been friends since 4 years old. (Now 29) my wife and my brother and law and his wife. That’s all I need

Can definitely relate to the guy. Thankfully there's no rift in my group of around 10 guys from school, but just that with time people form new friends, get married, take up different hobbies and some just grow closer to some than others, and it's bittersweet when the senses of humor and interests change so they aren't the go to folks anymore (tho I'm glad we still celebrate each other's birthdays at gatherings), but it also helps me appreciate those who choose to be in your life and who you do see as closer when they do come in. With time people learn to see who's a fit and who isn't, and that's natural in different stages

This resonates with me

Lol when doc said it’s the WORST, having kids 😂. Im 30 and am going thru the same thing, but it’s disconnecting from negativity and drama and my past with respect for my partners comfort. Drunk fist Fights, injuries, losing stuff. Hanging out with people who did me wrong. Im much more happy on my own now. All I get now is when we hanging out bro ? Wtf? And im not man enough to tell them the truth.

Would love to hear more discussions about this

I'm 42 and making friends isn't like it was in school. Once you get out if school, you have to put effort into making and keeping friends

This is why people should prioritize family over friends. Friends are almost always temporary.

I feel like my bff from my late teens and onward have grown apart even though we still talk and love each other. We jus live 2 very different lives so it’s hard to connect in a way. We recently got matching tattoos so the bond is still there but sometimes you jus need to move forward and live.

Enjoy the moments when you can be with who you can be with because they will get fewer and fewer by the day.

Conrad, your friends are GROWING UP. You need to do the same.

Wow nice your speaking ❤❤❤ thanks a lot this right ❤❤❤😊

Im 41, no more "friends" in my life. We all work 50+ hour weeks, no time for anyone. My friends now are my neighbors. Close by and accessible.

Due to Americans being extremely independent, America can be a very difficult place to make friends or date the opposite sex (especially when you throw in Political Correctness and MeTooMovement). The main purpose in America is to work and make money, its not the ideal country for social connection. I live half the year overseas (mostly in Asia and Latin America) and most Americans would be flabbergasted how easy it is to meet people or date the opposite gender in these countries.

Life changes. When you're in your thirties, you discover you have either close friends or acquaintances. People also grow apart. Some move away, some start families, so friendship drift away (do to lifestyle, values, beliefs, etc) and some make new groups of friends with new work friends, partner's friends, etc. It's just how life goes. An interesting fact is, when you get married (esp in your twenties, thirties) your best man or MOH may not be your friends 10 years done the road. I find that I really enjoy my niche group of friends. My friend's circle is much smaller now and the quality is better. I also like my privacy and don't like drama, gossip so privacy is peace to me.

The caller has an admirable goal. Yet, it is time for him to transition into meeting with one friend at a time, rather than trying to organize a group where people don't want to be organized.

I feel like this is something that he didn’t realize until now, because he stayed in his small town all his life and never left. So he expects everything to stay the same. I left my hometown for college, then left that town for grad school, then left that town for my first job, so I had to start over and make new friends 3x between the ages of 18-23. Meanwhile he’s in his 30s and hasn’t realized life moves on yet.

People don't talk ENOUGH about this.

I'm not friends with anyone from my childhood or all thru my school years.

Does anyone else feel like the thumbnails no longer reflect the essence of the story as they used to before the rebranding? The content is still great I just always find myself with the wrong expectations

Stay out of it! Don't let people talk crap about your other friends to you and change the subject. I'm thankful that I like solitude and my few friends, and I can go months without speaking and then pick up like no time has passed at all. Everybody is busy living their lives, I think it's normal.

"All my rowdy friends have settle down'

Anyone else love the movie The Big Chill?

I stopped smoking lost everyone that smoked….. so basically lost everyone.

Sir move on. Live your life , start your family , have a career etc etc . Make new ones , cherish the ones that stay . But to bend over backwards uh no thank you ! Live your life enjoy :)

So he been friends with these people since he was a kid

First

second!! :) hehe

This idea that you have to include everyone in everything like it always was and all your friends have to be friends with everyone else is a sickness. It's not how the world works and it's making you miserable.

Time to grow up broski. Guy sounds like Zach Effron from neighbors 2.

Get closer to Jesus and to family, and make new friends. That's the only thing I can do. Make buddies that share your values, that live nearby, and just be loving to people. community is important.

Everything on God's planet changes. Why is it that people want everything to stay the same? Do you REALLY think that you've remained the same over the years? No, you haven't. Each of us grows & changes based on several criteria that is far too lengthy to engage here. Suffice it to say that if you're OK with you & I'm ok with me, then we can remain as we've always been. If either one of us changes, better or worse, it's change. It's normal & yes, even healthy. It's gonna happen! Get over your control issues & enjoy life for each & everyday we're Given. If you woke up, it's a Blessed day.

Sounds like dude needs a life. Get married have kids whatever People don't understand friends are optional. Grow up dude 💯

Grow up

Ahh, yes, middle school problems. REALLY? You’re 30!

This whole “problem” sounds like teenage clicky crap. This guy is really 30?!?! This whole thing is weird to me.

This is usually female behavior. Odd caller

@MiahVega

11 ай бұрын

No you didn't just say thatt! I've been feeling this strongly lately xD

@dabd8175

11 ай бұрын

​@@MiahVegaMaybe you're trans? Go see your Dr. and get checked out 😮

@BlendedBarbieDoll

11 ай бұрын

Not really. Women usually have a hard time having friends at all this is usually a guy issue as their friends grow up, get married and become fathers.

@dabd8175

11 ай бұрын

@@BlendedBarbieDoll I will disrespectfully disagree.

@elainebmack

11 ай бұрын

Women friends get boring because they want to talk about men all the time.

I find this absolutely insane and yet hilarious that this grown adult and others live like this and need to ask questions like this for help? Legit sounds like a 8-14 year old kid and school drama

@monicamiller9345

11 ай бұрын

You clearly didn’t have a good group of friends in your 20s. Losing the “family” you build with your core group of friends is very important at that age. And it is devastating when it changes. I’m sorry you never got to experience that.

@robr268

11 ай бұрын

True....like bro get a woman and STFU

I used to listen to that old hank Jr song “all my rowdy friends have settled down” but eventually at 39 I got a bunch of new friends who I love to pieces 🩷dr John is right , you can still maintain connections with the old but find new as well

Ahh, yes, middle school problems. REALLY? You’re 30!