I was severely bullied and you are 100% right. The trauma impacted my adulthood in ways that are hard to explain. To sum it up, I have issues with social interaction with others (shy, or scared to speak, I get a slight stutter when trying to explain what I’m thinking to someone). I struggle with my self esteem daily. I always feel I’m not good enough or pretty enough. I am standoffish and I don’t trust anyone. Severe bullying causes real trauma. No matter how many therapist I see to cope with the impact of it, I’m still going to go to my grave with these issues 😢

@dirtyunclehubert

Жыл бұрын

the constant feeling of inadequacy. the feeling of "will it start again". to make this short: you sit in a f'ing prison cell, the warden and the guard have disappeared long ago, the door even might be wide open. but you just can not leave. on the one hand because this is all you have known. what might be out there? youve been conditioned negatively - so its gotta be WORSE out there, right? wrong. on the other hand....because youve become your own jailer. you know you "deserve" the punishment. you know youre "unworthy", "unlovable". so you stay in that cell and suffer just for the heck of it. if they wont hurt you, you make them hurt you. internalization is a b*tch. i do understand perfectly. my life IS as described. isnt it incredible, what 2 idiotic grownups and a bunch of school kids can do to your brain?

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

I wish I could give you a gentle cuddle. You’re so much more than your insecurities and I really hope you don’t carry them with you forever. You’re so brave, I have every faith you’ll overcome them. Sending you so so much love. 🧡

@beautifulsoulgirl8683

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca i just saw this. Thank you so much for your very kind words and encouragement ❤️

I had a very traumatic childhood, raised by a narcissist father and a mother who was... not the brightest person on earth. I also had an eating disorder, problems with alcohol, being suïcidal, low self esteem... I'm almost 44 now and I still struggle. You're not alone, and remind when you have a bad day things will get better. I don't believe for myself that stuff will disappear but the goal is to learn dealing with the issues. xxx

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing and being vulnerable with us. You’re a true inspiration. Sending you so much love and thank you for your support. 🧡

I relate to this! Having had a long, thorny relationship to myself I have observed: Everyone has layers of pain around their self worth (Even the 6 foot blonde supermodel) and it's a normal part of psychological development that gets amplified for people by mental health issues, social environment, situational circumstances, bullying etc. How we look (or seem to others) isn't a trivial focus; it's wired into our brains and social development - BUT it always relates to a deeper dimension of how we feel about ourselves as a good or bad person. Instead of hiding mirrors in my 20s I looked in every single reflective surface possible: mirrors, shop windows, spoons... checking and rechecking myself and judging myself continuously whether or not I was measuring up (and of course no matter what I did or no matter what I succeeded at I just felt wrong and always "failed" no matter what). No matter what we do, or attain, no matter WHAT the outside world affirms to us (you're so loveable, smart, pretty, etc. etc. etc.) we can't feel it if we don't feel that way inside. We could be the most gorgeous successful person ever and still feel wrong or bad from inner distortions. As long as I was ashamed and disgusted with myself, the world could only mirror that back to me no matter what. Then I noticed something really interesting; everyone I knew who suffered from low self esteem had EXTRA super-powers to see others as worthy - either in the negative form of comparison and inflating others as above themselves or in the positive form of being really sensitive and caring and seeing the beauty and worth in other people. How could some of the most loving people be so cruel to themselves? I noticed that I could love and adore others and see them with puppy eyes regardless of what they'd been through, or their struggles or their appearance. But how come I couldn't do that for myself? Could I teach myself to see ME that way? It's an ongoing process but in the pandemic I really started practising the intention to try to see myself in this same, accepting manner. Every time I looked in the mirror I would focus on one good thing. I'd notice myself doing the negative "well that isn't right.." thing but I would just focus on something (however small) that was good or improving and the negative voice got smaller. And I've tried to do this about other things too.. about my self growth or kindness or skills.. trying to notice good things about myself in an intentional, purposeful way - and it honestly HAS helped. The things I focus on expand so it has helped me be more fit and change my body in healthy ways and change my mind in healthy ways. Am I all the way there? Nope... self blame and shame is a HABIT that took almost my whole life to develop and it might take me time to learn new ways of seeing myself but I'm really trying in a way that i didn't when I was younger and actively acting on my negative perceptions in a damaging way. To anyone reading this and relating: you CAN change your story about yourself slowly over time. I feel like appearance, eating, taking care of ourselves, size, identity ... all that stuff is just an extension of your beautiful, gorgeous self. You are loveable and worthy of care. 🤗🤗💗💗

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Have you ever considered writing a blog? Because how you write and present yourself is absolutely beautiful - you would have a regular reader here! This is absolutely incredible, and I am going to refer back to this comment I think. You're amazing - as always. I am so grateful for you (I know I tell you this all the time, but it is just more and more true every day.) 🧡

@willowwinkle

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca Thank you! 🤗It's SO funny you say that because just the other day I was thinking, "hmm should I try writing again?" (maybe doing freelance or something) and years ago I DID do a couple blogs but I always took them down or got in my own head about it. 💜💜haha funny how things work. By the way, that's what I always think of YOU; - that you're so well spoken, you have a wonderful way of conveying your feelings and ideas and how grateful I am for all your amazing content!

damn this video hit me really bloody hard, i was also bullied all the way through school and i think as a result my self esteem suffered because of it, since leaving school in 2010 i have tried everything i can think of to try and get some self esteem back, but now i think its best to accept that low self esteem is a part of me now and try and live with it.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

I think acceptance helps to some extent. But I have also found trying to love tiny parts of myself in the day helps. Perhaps each morning try and find something small to love and build up from there. It isn't easy, so please look after yourself. Sending so much love your way and thank you for being vulnerable with us. 🧡

You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I really appreciate and admire your ability to be vulnerable with us. As a person who deeply hates mysef, thank you, your advice really helps me. P.s. big big fan of your art. xo

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

We will love you enough to make up for the part you don't like about yourself. Thank YOU for being vulnerable with us. We are a loving community that will help one another. What you said about my art too made me almost sob haha! Thank you, so much. 🧡

Self-esteem is a measure of how much you like yourself and esteem your personal qualities. And that's why self-esteem is dangerous. So many people believe their worth in life is dependent on their own efforts, talents, looks, and skills. Then, when they "fail" or someone "rejects" them because of one of those traits, a person with self-esteem can be deeply wounded because their very identity is tied to what they like about themselves. There's a concept that's much healthier than self-esteem, and that's self-worth. A person who understands self-worth knows that they are a valuable person worthy of love and respect regardless of their looks, or their skills, or their efforts. Therefore, when they "fail" or are "rejected" because of some outward trait, their identity remains intact. With that kind of self-worth, it's much easier to go through life and engage the world with your talents and other outward traits, because you know deep down that you are invaluable. You'll be humble, knowing that your talents and skills are only a blessing to uplift others, not measuring sticks to build up yourself. You'll also have the ability to look past all the superficial in others and see them for who they really are: people of infinite worth who deserve your love, kindness, and utmost respect. Self-esteem is selfish. Self-worth is empowering, giving you the strength and compassion to help other people identify their true worth. People will never connect at that level as long as they're worried about self-esteem.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

"People will never connect at that level as long as they're worried about self-esteem" This is so insightful - thank you, again, for always taking the time to share these with us. This comment has given me so much to think about, as always. You're a legend. 🧡

I see you. I hear you. Please be kind to yourself. Thank you for sharing these parts of yourself. You're helping yourself, you're helping others. 🧡

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

David, you're like my online guardian angel! Thank you so much for always making me feel brave enough to post. 🧡

@davidp2888

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca You're already brave, Becca. 🧡

You should be proud of who you are, this level of vulnerability isn’t easy 💙💙

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

As should you. 🧡

Thank you so much Becca, I have a struggles to love my self too since I was a young girl. What you talked about is the same thing I went through. I was bullied when I was in elementary school , at that time we were poor 😔. That what made things worst. Now as a grown up I try to ignore these feelings but still don't love myself. You are so pretty today 💗. Seriously I like your hair and your smile 😃.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Oh my. This comment. I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you for sharing with us and being vulnerable. And for all of your support, always. Thank you. 🧡

@betterlife6510

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca thank you sweetheart.

You are amazing Becca,i do understand this must have been hard to make and i am so sorry to hear that youve been bullied and felt this way about yourself,but you do SO MUCH good in this world,everytime you make a vid it is a big thing for me,my journey has been tough,but since i discovered you,and started listening to your incredibly wise words,things have truly gotten so much better,you mean so much to me,i truly cant wait for every new vid you make,THANK you from the bottom of my heart

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

This made my heart so so so warm. It was like you gave me a hug. Thank you thank you thank you. You're WONDERFUL. I needed to read this today. 🧡

I've had self-esteem problems since as long as I can remember. I have anxiety which was undiagnosed for a long time, which made me feel different, bad, ugly, someone that no one would want to be around. I thought everyone had it all figured out and I was the only one who didn't. I've worked hard on my self-esteem for a long time now, and I look back and see that I wasn't that different, bad, or ugly after all. As a matter of fact, I can see in old pictures I was kinda cute and being as sensitive as I was has made me have a tender heart and I value those things that really important. I'm getting to the point where I've lived as long with my adjusted view of myself as I did with my bad self-esteem and it's becoming easier. I too found myself drinking a lot early on to switch off that part of my brain, fortunately I don't have an addictive personality so it never became a problem and I don't drink much these days. As for you dear Becca, you are lovely inside and out, and I'm fortunate to have been introduced to you through this forum. Keep going!

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this. I wish we could have a proper chat about everything you've experienced. It is interesting how self-esteem works, isn't it? We look back and wonder what we were ever worried about. But it is so good to hear from you, and thank you for being so wonderful and vulnerable in this space. 🧡

Our view of ourselves is, often, far too harsh. The things we think are beautiful, in others aren’t, necessarily, what others find beautiful in us, and it is SO hard to recognize that….

Finding acceptance with my appearance was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I was bullied in school because I'm not what you'd call conventionally attractive and it destroyed my self esteem. Even today I still avoid mirrors sometimes. What I did learn is how to make the things I find appealing about myself stand out. And try and put on a facade of confidence when talking to romantic interests or just when talking to anyone infact. It's not a permanent solution. I'd love for me myself to fully accept how I look. But I truly believe that how attractive someone is. Is completely subjective. Someone could look at one of Van Gogh's paintings and see nothing but squiggly lines and random dashes of paint. While other people see a masterpiece. It doesn't matter how you see your own lines and dashes. You're someone else's masterpiece.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Kurtis, Kurtis, Kurtis. This comment. Relating us to art as well... I held my breath. You're someone else's masterpiece. Wow. Thank you so much for this. I am beyond grateful. 🧡

@kurtismuzio7436

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca Thank you Becca 😅. It's always so lovely to interact with you in the comments. You have built such a fabulous community 🙂

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

@@kurtismuzio7436 Oww thank you so much!!!

I wasn't bullied as a child but I had self esteem issues starting at 13 when I had to wear a huge ugly back brace for my scoliosis. I wore it for 4 years during a time when teenagers develop most emotionally and socially (in my opinion). I felt like I was being stared at all the time. So I sort of retreated inside myself. I had few friends and that is still true today over 45 years later. Wearing the brace caused some physical deformity to my chin and neck area so even as an "old lady" now, I don't have self confidence and feel inferior. I am 5 years past my breast cancer diagnosis with a double mastectomy so I try to just be thankful I am alive and not focus on my body changes. 💗

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this gorgeous comment. You sound like such a strong and wonderful person - I really wish I could sit over a cuppa with you and chat about your experiences. You're doing incredibly well. 🧡

the key to happiness is appreciating every moment to its fullest

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

You're so right. Moments are fleeting. 🧡

I understand this video very well. I still suffer with low self esteem. I dont take selfies that much and dont like being on camera still. Dont like others taking my pic very often. I have red hair and im also very short. Also was bullied wen i gained weight. Sending u lots of love and hugs 🤗 xx

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Oh I wish I could give you a massive hug. Thank you for being vulnerable with us. 🧡

@amandaguest7742

Жыл бұрын

@@IamBecca i feel safe here telling my issues. U inspire me so much as u have opened upto us about ur insecurities and ur life. Be proud of yourself for wat u are doing. Im sure ur videos are helping many others. Thank u for sharing with us. Lots of hugs 🤗 xx

I was bullied as a kid, for just wearing glasses. And I didn't know how to stand up for my self. And now, I'm insecure about my body, not all the time but sometimes. It comes and goes, if that makes sense

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

I really hope you’re okay. Thank you for fveung vulnerable - you’re so brave. I’m proud of you, and we are all glad you’re here with us. 🧡

You're amazing. This is the truth ☺️❤️

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Kristi. Don't. Make. Me. Cry. In. Public!! Haha. Thank you so much. Hugs. 🧡

So when I was young I was the only red head out of 6 kids and neither parent had red hair. So my siblings picked on me. And my hair is very curly… So I went to school and people there picked on me. I hid in my room entire summers and read books to escape the world. Then a new girl moved to our neighborhood and she was sweet and kind and I was so mean to her. We are still good friends to this day… over 40 years later. I was married for 28 years and left my husband and took my two boys (both redheaded!) and moved out. I still have one son at home and I keep telling myself “when ______day comes, I am going to take better care of me” and so far that day has still not come. Someday….

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

I relate to being the only redhead in the family! I was extremely lucky though, as my family never picked on me - I cannot imagine being in that sort of environment. Thank you for sharing this with me. I cannot wait to hear about where your journey takes you. Thank you for being open and vulnerable with us. 🧡

I was told my by family that I was ugly, dealt with comments from my friends, other kids at school, then growing up my first boyfriend saud my body didn't turn him on enough, going to nightclubs and not being allowed in, or going to a bar, meeting someone, then arrange to meet with him again and when we did, he says he has to go to the bathroom, he leaves and sends a text afterwards saying he was sorry, he was drunk when we first met, he though I looked different and that even his friends warned him. Being told I'm unattractive by work colleagues, just the general feeling of disdain I get from nearly everyone like doctors shop keepers, strangers on the train, neighbours. I was brave enough to post a photo of myself on Facebook as my profile picture, and after I commented on a public post, a guy told me he would make a better looking female than me, another guy said if he saw me in public he woukd punch me with a face like mine. So I removed any photos if me. I was told by a work colleague (male) that if I can't do anything about my face, to at least go to the gym. I weigh 63kgs. He was trying to give helpful advice, but I felt like I wanted to vomit because I had to thank him for the advice. I just don't want to do this anymore. People have try to tell me it's my fault, I should smile more, but I can't walk around with a fake arse smile all day; other girls don't and they're pretty. I wouldn't have thought I was ugly if the rest of the world hadn't constantly infomed me of it. I would go out thinking I looked nice that day, only to be told something different. How many times can someone cop that before you have no more courage or desire to participate in the world anymore.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Jessica, you're wonderful. You are not ugly, you're open and honest and an incredible human being. I cannot thank you enough for being open with us, I really wish I could have a word with some of these people for you. YOU make me smile and are important to me, please always remember that. 🧡

End of credits fam 👋 ❤

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

END OF CREDITS FAM!!!! 🧡🧡🧡

♥️

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

🧡🧡🧡

Waiting for new video🤩

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

This means so much to me 🥺🧡

Beccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :)

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Dannnnnnnnnnnnn!! 🧡

Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest - Quran 13:28

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

🧡🧡🧡

Did you get a new ig name

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Yes! It is now @minehyde 🧡

I advise you to familiarize yourself with the religion of Islam to explore the true meaning of life. And when you do that, you have to be careful of unofficial websites on the Internet so that you don't take the wrong one from the right.

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

🧡🧡🧡

Our view of ourselves is, often, far too harsh. The things we think are beautiful, in others aren’t, necessarily, what others find beautiful in us, and it is SO hard to recognize that….

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

Owww thank you so so much for this. This is so lovely. 🧡

❤

@IamBecca

Жыл бұрын

🧡🧡🧡