Society: “Be yourself” Society: “No, not like that.”

@ct-gv6yl

Жыл бұрын

And who created the society? Men.

@JustAboutToEat

Жыл бұрын

​@@ct-gv6yl if you think it's that simple you're dumb. Women like successful men way more than men like successful women. Do you really think there would be an album by 50 cent called "get rich or die trying" if your average joe in a low income community had the same chance as a woman from the lower classes? There will be no real conversation until this stops being ignored.

@asxulxetesteronsxez538

Жыл бұрын

@@ct-gv6yl And women. Don't act like women never had any influence either.

@Shadow11614

Жыл бұрын

@@asxulxetesteronsxez538 women were the ones that did push this nonsensical mindset.....

@musicaismylovica

Жыл бұрын

Me: “Be yourself” Also Me: “No, not like that.”

As a dude, I've been roasted/ridiculed more by females for showing my emotions than I ever have with other guys. in fact, when I open up around other guys, they tend to commiserate vs where women tend to ask the age old: "aren't you a man? why can't you deal with this on your own?" No. Nobody can. That's the point.

@semanticalman7802

Жыл бұрын

Isn't sexism great? Err, I mean, it's punching up, so it must be fine? Totally not misandric and sexist at all, TOTALLY. (I'm being sarcastic, incase you weren't sure. Those types of people need to learn some god damn empathy and compassion)

@venustheplanet8208

Жыл бұрын

My experience with women when opening up is them starting to question my sexuality..

@darcrequiem

Жыл бұрын

Women say they want you to open up to them. If you trust them enough to do so, the first thing they do in an argument is throw it in your face. So why should I open up to you again? 🤔

@ogulcandursun1665

Жыл бұрын

I am not a very usual person due to my upbringing probably and most comments i get from women are either wow what kind of a man are you *impressed* and ewww what kind of a man are you *disgusted* like dude what the hell you know about being a man that is constantly in your words like ı think women need to shut up about that . Yes i do tell it to them face to face too obviously less aggresive than here .

@JapanFreak2595

Жыл бұрын

All of this is essentially the point of Kanji Tatsumi’s arc in Persona 4

If you get angry you are violet and dangerous, if you get lonely you are an incel, if you get sad you are pathetic, if you get too excited you are cringe. Just how it goes 🤷‍♂️

@silverfoxchain

11 ай бұрын

I promise you not every women thinks like this! And hopefully it is changing.

@joshuamuhuthia7437

11 ай бұрын

@@silverfoxchainnot all, just most

@vero9348

11 ай бұрын

If a woman gets angry she's a drama queen, if she gets cries she's too hormonal and disregulated, if she gets lonely is only her choice. Open your eyes cos cliches apply to absolutely everybody.

@turokokokoko9714

11 ай бұрын

@@vero9348nah most men would still slepp with a women and men dont really complain like that lmao

@turokokokoko9714

11 ай бұрын

@@vero9348women are literally almost always comforted in times of distress. As a man u literally have no where to turn.

"Its like they are starving but don't know it" no no, we are very aware

@gm9460

4 ай бұрын

We are very aware but are not allowed to say it for fear of being mocked or seen as weak.

@carnivoroussarah

3 ай бұрын

@@gm9460Your pain is valid.

@balancemaster55

3 ай бұрын

@@carnivoroussarahthanks

@andronomisneltron3231

2 ай бұрын

HIGHTENED AWARENESS ON A DAILY BASIS SINCE ABOUT KINDERGARTEN

@barretgriffin4123

2 ай бұрын

And you wonder why we go maniac! Loooooooool

This really puts the whole "ugh men just fall in love with the first women who shows them an ounce of respect or affection" into perspective

@TheRelen222

Жыл бұрын

Most men have very few options romantically to begin with, as well as not picking up on social cues as well as women. Therefore, when a member of the opposite sex is nice to you, you think "finally!" -someone sees the good in me and is attracted to me! Then, if you find out they are just being friendly, it reinforces the feelings of isolation and low self-esteem and makes you want to retreat even further.

@justinrivera1618

Жыл бұрын

When I was 14 I ended up in a toxic relationship and I fell for this girl all because when she was invited over to Thanksgiving, she got out of her seat where she was placed at our table, crawled under it and sat next to me. That one act had me hooked

@unematrix

Жыл бұрын

how did you not know this until now!?

@bazdoeshisthing

Жыл бұрын

@@unematrix Empathy isn’t their strong suit. Although mass media and popular opinion would make you think differently.

@Zexceeda

Жыл бұрын

@@bazdoeshisthing the vast majority of humans on the planet aren't capable of understanding situations they've never experienced without being told about them, and in our ridiculous both gender divided and us vs them reality, you only listen to those on your side. Men have been pretty much talking about stuff like this for ages, but they're called "MRAs" or MGTOW misogynists for "speaking over women" which... actually many of the other things some of these people say aren't very appealing and there's definitely a reason they are consistently shut down, though not all members if any group are the ones that cause a group to have a bad name. Anyway. A trans man (no offense to anyone, but a natal female, which whether you'd like to call it an inherently transphobic society, or a side effect of reality (I'm not gonna pick a side, just mentioning they exist) it DOES matter in this context) decided to say this too, and thus it gave it credibility to many who'd normally claim its "insignificant rambling of the other side" to anyone reading this, you aren't un-empathetic, you just need to choose to listen to others. This world is far bigger than any of us are ever gonna know or understand.

“Most men live in quiet desperation” is a quote most men can relate to.

@honkhonk8009

Жыл бұрын

I aint even tryna be corny i just stood up and stared at the window for a bit lmfaoo. That part is true. I feel a lot of people feel the same way I do. I just feel disposable sometimes.

@RuaTheRapoet

Жыл бұрын

"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way"

@mr_knowitall

Жыл бұрын

@@honkhonk8009 It is true, but not because of a lack of male companionship, as the author assumes....at least not for most men, if you hear them tell it.

@jomana1109

Жыл бұрын

@@mr_knowitall what would be the main reason? I thought men are used to not having deep emotional connections (long lasting ones at least) since childhood.

@mr_knowitall

Жыл бұрын

@@jomana1109 well, let me take my last statement back a bit. Men could be lacking male companionship if they lack friends or the friends they do have, they see too rarely. However, I don't know any men who've ever expressed that they feel a lack of companionship because the interactions with their male friends aren't intimate enough, as the author assumes. I would say the main reason men feel a quiet desperation is because their work lives are unfulfilling and their homes lives are unfulfilling.

This is a reason that as a man, you start enjoying solitude, doing your hobbies rather than trying to socialize.

@DarkVeghetta

4 ай бұрын

Plus, doing things is usually more mentally healthy for men than sharing their feelings. It's the opposite for women. It still helps, but not to the same degree as improving ourselves. This is also why, often, therapy doesn't work as well for men, unless the therapist in question accepts that there's a difference between the sexes and implements such in their treatment - preferably with a focus on self improvement and accomplishing tasks for a male pacient.

@RisetoStrength

4 ай бұрын

​@@DarkVeghetta Men are programmed to improve themselves because it was the only path to receiving comfort. Social media and feminism have contributed to the end of this path.

@coprilettodelnapoli5466

4 ай бұрын

​@@DarkVeghetta that's on point.

@manualexander1646

2 ай бұрын

ME

@MysticSage-hg3jh

2 ай бұрын

You Don't Enjoy It But that's How You Deal With or At LEast Try to Deal With It

Privilege is invisible to the privileged

@ghfudrs93uuu

3 ай бұрын

It really isn't. The issue is really that america is a nation of narcissists

@barnaliadhikary9421

2 ай бұрын

That's how patriarchy work

@ghfudrs93uuu

2 ай бұрын

@@barnaliadhikary9421no, it isn't. This is more on the line of how your narcissistic mind works. You know. Being incapable of seeing how kind people are to you and how much they actually try to help.

@reelfly

2 ай бұрын

​@@ghfudrs93uuu Narcissism is imbedded in patriarchy.

@Cha4k

2 ай бұрын

Thats why women, LGBT and BIPOC people will never acknowledge how privileged they are. Because it is invisible to them.

At 5:30 she states "Yes, women are the majority of victims of murders." Let me correct that: "According to the data given by the United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime, worldwide, 78.7% of homicide victims are men, and in 193 of the 202 listed countries or regions, men were more likely to be killed than women." - Wikipedia with credible sources linked. So no, women aren't the majority of victims or murders.

@migueljuarez6788

Жыл бұрын

Yea it seems she actually got brainwashed by the internet.

@Runz32

Жыл бұрын

@@migueljuarez6788 think she got brainwashed by her gender studies classes

@CraigBoykin

Жыл бұрын

Glad someome corrected the record on that

@Subie84

Жыл бұрын

Your clarification is appreciated. I remember thinking she was wrong.

@Nopeasaurus

Жыл бұрын

"Men think their desperation is personal weakness as oppose to a symptom of white imperialism...anyway, thank you to my daddy Squarespace for sponsoring this misleading and boring Ted talk."

Wow, I literally got womansplained about the male experience.

@canada420mma

Жыл бұрын

I too have noticed that even though the topic was being a man, both the author and this Anna girl found a way to make it about themselves and portray themselves as being the victim.

@leasagna2202

Жыл бұрын

LMAOO

@RaidenMustDie3594

Жыл бұрын

@@canada420mma “Men have problems too, conclusion: women most affected”

@amp788

Жыл бұрын

Men are crying out for help, and instead of their message being heard, women "figure out" what our problems are from THEIR perspectives and try to make it all about them. Meanwhile men continue to be blamed for everything and ground into the dirt by society. The irony is unbelievable.

@actionjksn

Жыл бұрын

Literally.

I opened up once to a woman about how I truly felt about the loss of my father at a young age. Afterwards in a discussion about something I can't even remember she then got angry and called me a "fatherless bastard". That's what toxic women do, and that's why I'm very careful to whom I truly open up to, if at all. On another note, I did an interview for a part-time babysitter job and was asked if I was a pedo or not... As a man, am I just not allowed to like caring for children? I did this back when I was in daycare myself and took care of the little kids there as well, and ever since then I just liked doing that. I did get the part-time job however and even though I only worked for about 3 months, those kids still want to come visit me 9 years later, and they're now adults.

@JacobL228

4 ай бұрын

I was an assistant teacher for the kindergarten class at a religious school way back when and one of the girls in the class spilled some water on her shirt, so I took her to go get some paper towels from the bathroom. Later, I was sat before a literal tribunal and asked if I took her clothes off. I didn't, but I'll never forget how no one trusted me to not be a pedophile.

@JohnQPublic345

4 ай бұрын

Never, ever, ever, divulge your feelings to your woman. They will definitely use it against you at some point

@nerdimmunity7672

4 ай бұрын

Never ever be vulnerable in front of a woman, they don’t understand the male experience, and they hate it.

@Unknown-px6lm

3 ай бұрын

At this point, never open up to woman, no matter what woman you date she will always use your past against you, women are way too emotional, and they'll say things without even thinking.

@queerantine69

3 ай бұрын

Honestly hate that great disparity...cause they say "men are not attentive to their kids or kids in general and lack empathy" then when a man is it's " nuh uh what are your true intentions"? Bloody hell on a corn cob🤦‍♀️

Tbh this is why men always choose the dog in the "me or the dog" ultimatum-- the dog is more capable of treating us like a person

@cclark3

3 күн бұрын

The dog won’t cold shoulder you. It’ll give you everything you need.

Not that it's an excuse to use women as emotional crutches, but I do think this contributes to why some men are desperate to be in a relationship. Not only is there an association with status but it's one of the only relationships that men are socially allowed to be vulnerable and soft in. Being treated like a threat or like it's weird to have emotions and needs can be tiring and it feels so good to connect with someone on an emotional level.

@balancemaster55

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for wording it much better than I ever could.

@MisterFuturtastic

Жыл бұрын

And yet women are said to be turned-off by men who show their emotions when they start dating. This could be why so many women choose narcissists

@selispeks

Жыл бұрын

Yes this!

@Vincent-yp3sr

Жыл бұрын

Or Dogs. Mans best friend, because he get all the suppressed emotions he cant show to others.

@raquelalmeida9002

Жыл бұрын

This comment made me want to tell my husband that I love him

I don’t know about other guys, but showing too much emotion or being soft even with my significant other has always gone south. I constantly have to remind myself to keep it down or people will stop respecting me, find me unattractive or think I’m weak. This message is already being to vulnerable in my experience. Honestly don’t know if there’s a solution for it, but I know I can trust animals so that’s what I do. Get a pet is my quick bandage for now lol.

@hehashivemind6111

Жыл бұрын

Your partner perpetuates toxic masculinity. It's an entire conversation but you should have it with them. I'm so sorry 😢

@lowkey276

Жыл бұрын

I hope you will find friends who respect you, where you won't have to keep your guard up. That's the case with all my friends.

@TheDiscrepator

Жыл бұрын

@@hehashivemind6111 That toxic masculinity theory is also why these mental health and solitude problems have worsened, not improved. When that behavior is encouraged by females, shouldn't it be about toxic femininity? It's about females needs, that make them reject that vulnerability, but even then it's about something wrong in the masculine. That "female privilege" it's also about them never having to be accountable as every problematic aspect of their behavior and nature is also directly blamed to men, and you end up pushing the perspective that everything related to men is the problem, increasing the apathy and disregard that society has for us. That theory is harmful by it's self.

@francescosamassa9854

Жыл бұрын

So true

@passiveaggresivesquirrel2052

Жыл бұрын

@@TheDiscrepator cause men encourage it too. And its directly tied to men, so u trying to put all the blame on women is kinda ironic.

Exactly where does "white imperialism" enter into this?

@ThinWhiteAxe

Ай бұрын

Nowhere.

@greyfox4838

Ай бұрын

the person writing the comment is probably white themselves and does not have the knowledge or willingness to learn about other cultures, so they think everything revolves around white culture, it is a common trope I see when Americans talk about society, they genuinely don't know if non-English speaking countries act similar to them or not (yes, we do, all humans have the same flaws)

@Victor-tl4dk

29 күн бұрын

lol I had the same thought.

@AfroPoPs

26 күн бұрын

Is it in the room with us anyone?

@Henry-kz4gn

22 күн бұрын

because patriachy, white imperialism, is always to blame, buzz buzz

As a man in his 40's I still have trouble accepting this as real. Like I go into a store, or wherever, and I try to be friendly with everyone, as though we are some kind of community or something. It feels like the right thing to do, but it often consists of a pain, that I'm used to, of people often not knowing how to react to me, or being scared of me. It's like I let myself have amnesia with this, forgetting about it and just continue trying to live in a way that seems normal to me, but not to the world.

@CheesusCrusts

7 ай бұрын

The way I get around this is to play online games and be frienly there. Most other gamers are more open and don't judge based on appearance because there is none. When you get deep in a friendship, organize a meet together as a large group so they don't feel unsafe and boom, you just by-passed the hardest part of connection: The first impression

@jahcSoft

2 ай бұрын

Everyone's receptive to this in Bangkok and Malaysia. For a few days I thought everyone had the hots for me but literally i was just experiencing being part of society for the first time. It's awesome and life changing

@estebanatachaoarguedas6321

2 ай бұрын

​@@jahcSoftWow pal, that sounds great.

When I first became sexually active with men, I heard more and more that men are being told that "they can't say no to sex, because they're a guy," and was immediately appalled. It created a bee in my bonnet, and I brought it up anytime I was around a guy, because every time I was told that, yep, that guy had been told it too. It pissed me off, and freaked me out on their behalf. Eventually I told a friend of mine who's a guy. After he'd heard me be vocally and visibly pissed off about this, and continuously acknowledge that women are capable of rape and men can be raped, he told me something worse. I listened as he told me how he'd been raped by a girl he went to school with. Long story short: Being vocal in your support, seems to encourage men to speak up. We all hope our women friends will tell us if it happens- so we're gonna want our men friends to tell us too, right? And it's dodgy how it can happen; I can definitely see guys thinking they wouldn't just not be listened to- but berated outright. I won't share my friend's actual story, but I did want to put this out there.

@drawingsheeptosleep6386

Жыл бұрын

@@AmandaSbarros rape means that you are forced into 'sex'. If that is what happened to him, then I'd say he was raped

@balancemaster55

Жыл бұрын

@@AmandaSbarros the fact you won’t acknowledge it as rape makes me feel like you don’t understand their pain

@blackcat6374

Жыл бұрын

@@AmandaSbarros Why?

@troysmithfr

Жыл бұрын

@@AmandaSbarros The semantics here are part of the problem.

@kamallb4650

Жыл бұрын

I respect u so much for not revealing his story for the whole world.

This made me think of another of Anna Akana's videos from years ago where she admitted to having this sort of guard up when she meets men for the first time, but that she drops the guard if she learns a man she is meeting has a girlfriend. I'm a cis man, and these two videos combined make me realize why my social life always improved when I had a girlfriend and why it fell apart when I was single again. Being attached as a man is a status that opens the door to certain kinds of friendships that are closed when you are single.

@rist98

Жыл бұрын

Honestly, most men behave way different when theyre in a relationship, vs if they arent. So its not a mere factual factor, but a behavioural one as well.

@michelleta1628

Жыл бұрын

Being attached and open about it is a sign to most girls that: 1) you aren’t interacting with them just to get in their pants 2) you are worthy enough to be chosen by a girl therefore you are nice 3)you care enough about your girlfriend to not cheat on here therefore more points towards you being a good guy 4)you are capable of caring for another person. These factors make women feel safer when interacting with straight men because through their cuffed status we understand that all their actions are platonic (or assumedly at least)

@TheOJDrinker

Жыл бұрын

@@michelleta1628 Your metrics are flawed. A guy saying he's in a relationship doesn't mean _any_ of these things. These only apply if you try to have sex with a man and he says "no" because he has a girlfriend. Otherwise: 1) Doesn't mean that. He could be a cheater. 2) Doesn't mean that, in fact women are more likely to choose a guy that isn't nice. 3) Again, just because he says he has a girlfriend doesn't mean he's not a cheater. 4) Some men like to possess women, doesn't mean they care about them. Also, while being distant and cold can reduce the attention of men that will assault women, it's even more effective against those that won't. Don't rely on your intuition - your traditional tests and red flags - because they're bad... recall your experiences instead. The worst offender of all is Preselection - all the other women that chose him doesn't mean he's a good choice, they could've chosen poorly as well. The men I know in real life that have been with the most women are _always_ the MOST ABUSIVE. The ones most women think are "creepy" are the most harmless. Be conscious of this incorrect bias when making a choice.

@hotarubinariko

Жыл бұрын

@@TheOJDrinker "... In fact women are more likely to choose a guy that isn't nice." I hear this so often and yet can never get a source for this other than "I'm a nice person and they don't pick me." I've never picked rude or "bad boy" men. Aside from 16 year olds, I personally don't know any women that do. I'm sure there are some women who are into abusive men, but it's not the majority like you're making it out to be. And, of course "abusive" and awful men sleep with the most women, because they can't keep the charade up that long. Having a higher body count doesn't necessarily equate success with relationships. On the contrary, it's probably indicating they are bad at them or simply don't want one. Also, advising women to ignore their red flags is a bad call and in poor taste. Sure "harmless" nerdy guess might come across as creepy and some real creeps slip through with standard "red flags" but you said ignore you intuition. What you should say is "listen to your gut above all else, because people don't fit a mold and you risk passing up good people while letting in the bad." or something like that. I think that's what you meant but it is not how it came across at all. I think your message had good intentions but it came across a bit incelly, tbh.

@ianpolicarpio7969

Жыл бұрын

@@TheOJDrinker "IN FACT women are more likely to choose a guy that isn't nice" this isn't a fact bro, it's a statement founded only on anecdotes. And no way you just tried to gaslight women with that "ignore your red flags" bs. Like yeah, a little empathy goes a long way, but you're completely forgetting the reason that women are so defensive to begin with. Ignoring red flags could literally get them killed. There are ways for women to allow men to be open with them WITHOUT them needing to ignore their red flags smh

As an asian, it sounded kind of ridiculous that the user blamed it on white imperialism. There are so many diverse cultures of the past, MANY of them having the same level of "toxic masculinity" or push it to more extremes like "you have to kill a bull or cut off part of your ear or you aren't a man and won't get any women". One of the huge differences is that for milennia, men have had to be pillars of the community because it was necessary for survival. That sense of community gave men purpose and belonging and base levels of socialization. Now with our extreme technological progression, that role has fallen out of necessity for many people. Both men and women suffer socially from the large amount of isolation and lack of community of the modern age, but you almost always see men in the extreme cases of loneliness where they don't feel like they can reach out and nobody seems to reach out towards them either. It just breeds hatred for themselves and incel behaviour. It's no coincidence that people like andrew tate and self improvement 'gurus' have become so popular in the new age of the internet.

@nickmillette2966

Ай бұрын

I felt the same way when she said white imperialism as if the role of a man is limited to white people only lmao

@brandocalrissian3294

28 күн бұрын

​@@nickmillette2966she's a brainwashed liberal.

This might sound crazy but im happy having no friends.

Daily reminder that the majority of men receive flowers for the first time at their funeral. Also, men do express their feelings to each other, but we usually don't do it in front of women because: a) They tell us to man up. b) They bring it up in an argument to make you feel bad, and when sensitive things are brought up, the person on the hot seat feels betrayed and hurt and would usually never open up again.

@Relyt345

Жыл бұрын

True that

@hypeman1825

Жыл бұрын

Or they tell their friends Who in turn tell other people. But yeah it’s usually B.

@redshark9537

Жыл бұрын

Expressing feelings to a woman is simply buying them ammo to use against you in the next fight.

@aloevera5600

Жыл бұрын

Currently googling "manly flowers to give to men". I probably don't need to find the manly flowers but I'mma start normalising this somehow.

@estebanslavidastic4382

Жыл бұрын

women want an emotionally in touch sensitive man, until he expresses any emotions they don't like. Then they use those emotions against him.

the crazy part is how a transman tells everyone how cis men MUST FEEL instead of listening to cis men. almost like we tell you exactly how we feel but you don't listen

@johnstamos5948

Жыл бұрын

i would still say this is inaccurate tho. if anything i've been missing dude energy from other men lately.

@Subgenrelol

Жыл бұрын

Fax

@pnash1000

Жыл бұрын

It’s very inaccurate. The only accurate thing they got is that everyone looks at you like a threat. The conclusions about not wanting to hug other men being due to homophobia and the not expressing emotions being due to white supremacy are complete garbage 😂 We are what we are they need to stop telling us being more like women is better and accept us the way we are as much as they want to be accepted for who they are

@Yajeeb

Жыл бұрын

What's a cis man?

@semanticalman7802

Жыл бұрын

Empathy and compassion often only extend as far as the similarities between two people.

I was recently in a class in which someone brought this issue up. The professor said this is the price society must pay to displace men as the world's decision-makers and make room for women who're better for the world. So she essentially justified gender bigotry against men because in her view men have to go. And a lot of influential people feel this way. It's going to get worse.

@tonyztyles

7 ай бұрын

The jews cursed the world with feminism

@WilliamBrowning

5 ай бұрын

I do not understand why so many people think 'elevating women' REQUIRES 'burying men'. Why are we making gender equality and justice into a zero sum game. Imagine a judge in a criminal court saying 'I'm going to give you the maximum sentence because I was lenient with the last one'.

@Nonamelol.

5 ай бұрын

@@WilliamBrowningAmerica is changing into this as a whole. White people getting representation taken away for the sake of “poc inclusivity”, this, etc.

@bademoxy

5 ай бұрын

cultural Marxism (masqueraded as "boomer liberalism") IS now The Establishment. They've been programmed to DESTROY Western civilization, right down to the Nuclear Family, so if Population replacement doesn't work , then it's Depopulation through collapse of free market meritocracy and Constitutional Rule of Law ,collectively pitting groups against each other ,just like in the Soviet Union and Red China , wherein +80 million citizens perished with nary a trial afterwards of the killers.

@dennisddt1146

4 ай бұрын

@@WilliamBrowning Apparently the only way they think they can propel women is to take down men. Seems healthy and totally logical. Whoever does the job best should get the job.

As a transguy, the pressure to figure out female socialization is finally gone. It's a relief that my friends now expect to come over, have dinner, watch anime... Or get together to go hiking. It's not sit around and talk about something in circles. Or meeting a stranger and they expect you to carry on small talk and smile a certain way, etc. Social cues I never understood. Close intimate high quality friendships can still exist for men, but it is NOT the same way women do it. If we talk emotions, it's 20 minutes tops. Usually gathering information/advice if there's a situation I can't figure out by myself. Like I said, it is a relief to now be in the male world. This fits what I need perfectly. I've never felt so comfortable socializing before.

@michaelversace456

5 ай бұрын

Yeah, you aren't a man. You will never be.

@peterberg3446

4 ай бұрын

Welcome to the club, dude.

@nickolasrichmond8739

Ай бұрын

Welcome to the brotherhood, bro.

@weaver775

Ай бұрын

It's really cool to hear someone who has transitioned to share their experience. Like the previous guys said welcome to the club 👍

This reminds me of a lesbian author named Nora that lived as a man for 6 months. She came to the pretty much the same conclusions, was a lot more sympathetic to men, and wound up having to go to intense therapy afterward because of the damage this 6 month period caused.

@chloewinfrey

Жыл бұрын

Really? Do you know her full name?

@RicochetForce

Жыл бұрын

@@chloewinfrey I just looked it up, her name is Nora Vincent and she wrote the book Self-Made Man. There she documents the whole experience and the trauma it caused her afterward.

@chloewinfrey

Жыл бұрын

@@RicochetForce Thanks for making the effort to find it for me. Very grateful 😊I also found out that she killed herself recently (assisted death)... So sad

@RicochetForce

Жыл бұрын

@@chloewinfrey You're welcome! And wow, I did not know that latest bit of information about her. That is really sad.

@michajastrzebski4383

Жыл бұрын

What should be added, is that she was malicious in that she basically manipulated men into building relations, by lying about her identity, about how she's someone she never was, in order to write her book aka for her own profit/agenda. Pure misandry.

Now imagine being a black or brown man from the hood and instead of being greeted with aloofness or coldness from strangers of all genders you're met with open hostility. And a third of the people you did manage to get close to end up dying at a young age from shootings or car accidents. Almost everyone you interact with, even other people who look like you, see you as a threat because the neighborhood where you live is genuinely dangerous and they've encountered too many strangers who actually did hurt them. All the while you feel like you're in constant danger because strangers have assaulted you just for dressing a certain way or walking down the street. My bf is from south central LA and the other day he told me he keeps everyone at arms length (except me) because he saw so many classmates die growing up and if he doesn't get emotionally invested it won't hurt when they're gone. These men experience the same threat of constant danger that women do and the same social isolation men do and on top of all that they also have the trauma of seeing their family/friends/coworkers/classmates die.

@dchild612

Жыл бұрын

I also wondered myself if Zan was a POC. We are absolutely perceived as threatening, and the way most news covers us over the years certainly doesn't help. Has a lot of people feeling like they just encountered a wild animal and aren't sure if they are about to be killed. Should they run? Hide? Pretend like everything is fine? Strike first just in case? Very sad and a huge reason why we're simultaneously a minority but also somehow seem to make up a huge number of the people getting killed.

@LondonMoneyCashEnterprise

Жыл бұрын

as black guy in london i can relate

@GregXHunterz

Жыл бұрын

damn

@lucyandecember2843

Жыл бұрын

.

@fox1actual

Жыл бұрын

Nah, we’re not that weak. Don’t project your bfs insecurities onto all of us.

When I was much younger, a woman I was very interested in and she was kind of thinking about exploring something with me, saw me when I had an emotional breakdown as a result of workplace bullying. The look on her face will haunt me forever and convinced me it was and is better to keep whatever emotional reactions I have to myself. I don't blame her for thinking less of me (she actually said she had to make sure no one thought we were together) but I think a lot of women do want men to be "mountains" they can rely on and the reality that men can cry and breakdown is disquieting to them.

@armingleiner5292

9 ай бұрын

Which would be fine but at the same time they cry about the lack of emotions and "feelings" Women have no clue what they want.

@MagikarpPower

9 ай бұрын

its not our job to be mountains. we never deserved that treatment.

@gforce97

8 ай бұрын

"i dont blame her" so we aint holding toxic behavior accountable??

@Specoups

4 ай бұрын

@@MagikarpPower Well to be fair it used to be, but you're right in a way, we shouldn't anymore.

@alyssadelgado8232

4 ай бұрын

I’m sorry that happened to you!

"Women are overwhelmingly the majority of victims when it comes to murder...."? I'm sorry what? "According to the data given by the United Nations, worldwide, 78.7% of homicide victims are men, and in 193 of the 202 listed countries or regions, men were more likely to be killed than women." Additionally: Men are twice as likely to be victims of violent crimes as women, while women are more fearful of violent crime. This phenomenon is termed by researchers as the "fear of crime gender paradox". (Women are only more likely to be victims of sexual assaults, roughly twice as often.)

@vegito179

27 күн бұрын

Does it change anything that it's men that r the victims​@aishax-mb5yx

@richardimreviragosi6413

26 күн бұрын

Which does not change the point, thiugh. Also, about 75 of murders are man, of which 75 percent is men, which still leaves 25 of men murdered by women - equal to 25% of women murdered overall. The percentages aren't so nice when not rounded, but still. ​@aishax-mb5yx

It's so weird how men's issues do not matter unless women or trans people are talking about it... Even then though it's not real empathy all it really is "why can't men handle stuff like women" type of energy so basically it's your fault for feeling unloved and depressed fellas.

@ithil-maril9141

Жыл бұрын

As a girl I've noticed this too!! It's usually women talking about toxic masculinity, especially the way it affects men (the way they THINK it does) and I feel like it's doing more harm than good. I really hope more of us would realize it so we could do something about it. It's like putting words in someone else's mouth without even listening to them first

@titusorelius9458

Жыл бұрын

Don't ever expect empathy and understanding as a man from a feminist. Their entire ideology is built on "men are bad and everything bad is their fault". That's why no matter what the topic is it will always conclude with "men's fault" or blame "toxic masculinity".

@2FadeMusic

Жыл бұрын

@@ithil-maril9141 Men tend to be ridiculed or accused of being sexist when talking about their own issues. And I say this as a left wing person, anyone being objective will acknowledge this. It's very sad.

@xylok_dnb2444

Жыл бұрын

even worse than that -- if men gather to discuss men's issues, you frequently find a very aggressive woman demanding access to the space to ensure you only discuss "approved" topics with "expected" outcomes. it's sad 'cause we can never make actual progress with that kind of attitude. don't get me wrong, women are welcomed into those spaces, but only as spectators -- otherwise the men shut down and shut up.

@RedMcCarl

Жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯

I've definitely seen this, just as a guy growing up where like 90% of my friends were girls. I grew up always connecting more and relating more to women than men, and going from being seen as a boy to being seen as a man has honestly been one of the hardest things mentally for me, because I feel like there's just this massive obstacle course between me, as a man, and any sort of platonic relationship with women that was never there when I was younger. It's felt incredibly isolating always being seen as a potential threat. Another thing that I've seen many guys go through, is when they take kids out to the park, or play games with their nieces and nephews in public, people will see it as potentially predatory because of being a man. It's just extremely alienating and exhausting.

@GregXHunterz

Жыл бұрын

I can understand when you're trying to talk to women they might see you as a potential threat. That to me makes sense because they don't always know what you'll do to them. But a kid with a man, I feel society should give more leeway to that. There are kids who do spend a lot of time with their father or uncles, and they're part of the family, so I don't get how people can look at a man with a kid and think "potential predator" when that kid could very well see him as a father figure.

@celinepope

Жыл бұрын

This just proves the patriarchy isn't serving anyone!

@Faboostic

Жыл бұрын

@@GregXHunterz A kid with a man? Give more leeway? The kid might see the man as a father figure? I can't even. Most abuse happen like this. For a healthy good guy like you it might sound crazy but the reality is that you should be looking at your own family when protecting your kids, nobody should be close to them and everybody is suspicious. Man, woman, i don't care. If you truly care for a kid you should be thankful if they distrust you a little bit and decide later if they trust you or not. Keep your child safe from predators, because while you're not one, your best friend might have been one all this time and you never know. It's always someone who is trusted by people. It's exhausting to be always on the look out but the trauma is always worse. Trust me i know, you can never trust or see people the same way again. And it's almost always the family who abuses children.

@user-jb4kl2oo5t

Жыл бұрын

@@Faboostic I see what you mean, but I think GregXHunters was assuming a situation when one sees an unknown man with an unknown child and feels a little (or not a little) apprehension because children are more often to be seen with both parents or mother only. Not exactly about how to structure the environment around your own kid. I might be wrong though

@KBowWow75

Жыл бұрын

That's on them, not on you.

Being male in our current society is extremely depressing, lonely, cold and isolating. It is depressing to me that it seems most women don't begin to try to understand or empathize with the plight of men without becoming one themselves and facing it. There was a whole book written in the 2000s about a woman who disguised herself as a man and became integrated with predominantly male communities. The trauma from the experience made her realize how wonderful it is to be a woman. She gained a great level of sympathy for men in general and realized as a whole they are suffering and wanting/needing emotional intimacy. As someone who falls into the non-binary trans category (mtf) I realized when I am perceived as female how much warmer and kinder the world has felt towards me. People go out of their way to help or compliment me. I felt like people really wanted me around. At first I was depressed thinking about how happy my life could have been from the beginning if I had just been born female. I also came to the sad realization that I had the same problem as I did when I when I am seen as male. No one cared about who I was deep down or loved me for who I was. All of the warmth, kindness and compliments that felt so great was because they were just physically attracted to me. Its flattered and confidence boost but at its core it is still hollow.

@CMStrawbridge

7 ай бұрын

This comment deserves way more likes. You perfectly covered the main issue for both genders/(everyone) and how they're experienced differently by each. Everyone's so quick to get offended, insult, diminish, each other, and it gets worse all the time, making it harder not to throw that bitterness back in. I hate to admit how long it took me to see how wrong I acted under the guise of fair gender politics ... And how many women really do hate men and take it out on the sons they're supposed to be loving, protecting, and raising. I fear we'll have to lose huge chunks of human innovation before we'll finally learn to connect to one another the human way

@creatancremanova7097

7 ай бұрын

which book do you talk about?

@vergilsparda6823

7 ай бұрын

​@@creatancremanova7097"self-made man" there are videos of the woman talking about her experience as a man, and trying dating/making friends as male.

@creatancremanova7097

7 ай бұрын

@@vergilsparda6823 thank you! :D

@HanmaHeiro

7 ай бұрын

There's an aspect I've been pondering that we've been coddled by our male privilege to the point where it's dismantling has left us vulnerable and in need of other forms of nourishment.

the reason why SA and DV statistics on male victims are lower is a similar reason that statistics for rape on female victims is lower than reality. We're socially suppressed to the point that most men won't even realize that such a thing happened to them and even the few that do end up getting laughed out of the station when they gain the courage to do so. It makes the few that get their cases taken seriously a tiny fraction of the real statistic.

Thanks to Zan, where ever he is, for finding words that Anna and others can connect with. I am a cis-gendered man in my 50's. I have been feeling the isolation and disconnection my whole life. It really hurts. It is not what I want. It is not what I need. I am working to break out of it and living with being judged/written-off for being "Too soft" by many solialized male and still "Too Insensitive" by others as I make mistakes that come with learning something new. It is kind of nice to not see those themes in the comments so far

@diekatze3910

Жыл бұрын

Maybe there is a men's group somewhere near you where you can find people who are on the same path? Also, I highly recommend the books "For the Love of Men" by Liz Plank and "Man Enough" by Justin Baldoni. There's also a Man Enough podcast that's really really good. Good luck for your journey, may you find the kind of belonging that your heart desires.

@OriginalTypeQ

Жыл бұрын

@B Thank you. There is definitely differences in generations and socio economic level. I am Gen X who grew up in a largely working class area. These days I move in circles with highly educated wealthy millenials. Few of the elites I know now have any clue how "Hard" lot of us had to present ourselves to avoid physical violence and ridicule. I am sincerely glad you have had a different experience.

@YourCreativeDreamer

Жыл бұрын

I kinda wish there was some kind of social networking app that could connect men in the same area who want to connect with other men on an intimate, deep, yet platonic level without having to be divided by the barriers of gendered social convention/expectations.

@galaxylucia1898

Жыл бұрын

@@YourCreativeDreamer well MeetUp is still a thing..

@alexanderthegreat1270

Жыл бұрын

@@diekatze3910 There are really not many mens groups, none that are institutionally backed

As a man, we know we're emotionally starved. We used to be kids with parents and friends that helped fulfill those emotional needs. It's just that, by adulthood, it all stops, and we just deal with it.

@CappyK

Жыл бұрын

You give up after a while. I'm a big guy and I've learned to make sure I give women space, don't block doorways, don't loom. Careful careful careful. And it's not their fault. If only 1/1000 guys were dangerous to me I'd still have my guard up against the other 999 myself. But it creates a lonely world. Just need to do our part to reduce abuse against women and maybe they'll feel safe to open up more. Teenage girls were pretty keen to come and sleep over and be your best friend. Bit of a clue that that freedom stops dead by the time high school is over.

@luluhammer

Жыл бұрын

but do you actually "deal with it"? Im a trans Woman, and I lived Zen's story the other way around and to this Day I see my male Friends struggling, and it always stunned me how men have "just deal with it " attitude when this "dealing with" often means shuving it all deep down and pretend it was never there, even when a hand is given, they more often than not Will reject. It is the male fragility paradox, where malehood is extremely fragile,men are aware of this fragility and wish it to be different but Will never behave in a way to actually deal with and overcome because that would show fragility on their part and they dont want to appear fragile cuz they believe it is wrong to be so as men.

@TheMocutMiester

Жыл бұрын

@@luluhammer because we need help. How can we PROPERLY deal with something we don't fully understand and the general population doesn't acknowledge?

@ExeErdna

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, because people end up just busy and you don't wanna to a bother. So you just move on active friends become less and less

@SeudXe

Жыл бұрын

@@luluhammer Unfortunately not. Which is why I'm sure me and many other guys feel somewhat depressed everyday and probably getting worse.

As a trans woman, I can absolutely confirm every last bit of his statement. Living as a man was cold, scary, and really lonely. Since my transition, the flood of affection, support, even the amount of physical touch from friends has been so great that it's overwhelming at times. THIS is what I always needed, and deep down, I always knew I did. I can't imagine what it's like to have that all my life & then lose it, just to feel more comfortable in my own body. UGH. My heart...

@armingleiner5292

9 ай бұрын

All of this feelings stuff is big waste of time. People (especially women) need to stop talking about their feelings 24/7. This would solve many problems. Just learn to be independent.

@carmenl9682

9 ай бұрын

@@armingleiner5292 He said "just isolate yourself and turn off your feelings. Stop being human, nobody cares how you feel. Feelings cause so many problems. I've been hurt but I'm refusing to acknowledge that so I'll blame human emotions instead."

@Tevin-MK

9 ай бұрын

your brain makes every decision based on feelings@@armingleiner5292

@YeTism

9 ай бұрын

Congrats, you found female privilege

@suchhero1281

8 ай бұрын

@@carmenl9682 I think that's an inaccurate way to 'quote' somebody lol. But seriously though, there is such a thing as sitting too much in your feelings and sharing with others becoming a bit of a non-sensical circle jerk. I would say being 'independent' refers to person's capacity to provide self care, self-soothe and motivate - don't rely on others because most people are not equipped to actually help you. This is factual. In my experience this happens frequently enough with females, let alone men. Feelings are great, but life isn't all about feelings. Be rational, be a problem solver, if you can build a life that meets your needs take it and if you can't then pursue it. Its not about ignoring emotions but its about using them as fuel to do better in life.

Almost a year later and it's still hilarious that women would rather listen to other women on how men act and why they do things instead of just talking to a man and accepting their perspective.

@baronsengir187

8 ай бұрын

That would be red pilled. People get harrased over that.

@vecxio8070

8 ай бұрын

Men do the same thing, though, they rather trust what other men have to say about women than what the women themselves say. It's understandable since we can relate better to people of our same gender, especially nowadays that people are taught the opposite gender is evil. I don't think it's terrible either, I've learned very useful things from the Red Pill and other men about women that women themselves are unaware of, likewise I know women who also explain things about men to other women in ways I never thought of as a man and are valid. Like anything, it's about balance, one should listen to both sides of the story and draw a conclusion from that.

@prof.evilpictures8696

4 ай бұрын

She’s citing the perspective of a trans man, who went from living life as a woman to now living and engaging with the world as a man and being perceived in that way, so of course he is gaining new insight into the experience of men, and can contrast it from that prior female experience. Trans people are gonna have the gendered experience of how they present and are perceived, that’s literally what gender is.

@windowsVD

3 ай бұрын

@@prof.evilpictures8696 There in lies the double standard. Feminists in particular want everyone to just accept based on their word that women have it way worse than men in many facets, but they won't do the same for men.

@whydid666

3 ай бұрын

@@prof.evilpictures8696 And yet they're still women reporting on how men are not being treated like women is the problem. Trans F to M shocked her feelings are not being validated like they were when she was recognized as a woman and then concludes that women option of male problems is right, the issue is men 's feeling are not being validated and thus they are killing themselves. When you talk to a man he'll tell you, WE DO NOT CARE ABOUT FEELINGS. And the feels we care least about are OUR OWN FEELINGS. A man can be happy, sad, wrathful depending on his surroundings and he'll learn quite quickly they are temporary and depended on his current surroundings. A MAN NEEDS TO BE USEFUL or SERVE A PURPOSE. We don't want to be validated by how we feel, we want to be appreciated based on what we can or even better what we actually do. That is the validation that men seek and when denied will fall into an inscape depression were the only escape is death. So, a woman who can fool people into thinking she's a man at first glance, but still has a women's priorities and continues to spread the falsehood, men are depressed because we are not getting our feelings validated.

I dislike how we, as men, are told to be more in contact with our feelings, but when one does that publicly, there are people shouting "male tears", but what is worse, some of those people are the same ones who want men to be more emotional.

@Rafter907

Жыл бұрын

Yeah and see how many people would try to cheer crying stranger women and how many people would try to cheer stranger man. To be honest, women are just hypocrits, by telling all these things about showing feelings. EVERY MAN shows his emotions in public at least once and they regret it. Not becasue he did it, but becasue how society treat him for that. Specially women, who would probably never look at that man as a man and potential partner in future.

@metabolic_jam

Жыл бұрын

Progressive hypocrisy..

@nitroluver4l591

10 ай бұрын

The only time I ever saw my dad cry was when he was asked to sign a DNR form for my half brother. He bawled uncontrollably for about 30 seconds.

@Jeebus-un6zz

7 ай бұрын

This kind of cuts to the heart of the issue, doesn't it? A big piece of this wave of feminism is deconstructing masculinity because women feel it inherently gets in their way, but I for one am not convinced of that, nor am I sure your average girl really believes that either. Women still value high performers and want to be in a relationship with a man who makes them feel safe, and one who seems to have a plan no matter how small a thing it is because he therefore makes life easier for her. There are exceptions, but that's the rule. We don't have to exclude or bully women to accomplish that. So then you have guys gravitating to the alt right because the left doesn't make room for them while the alt right talking heads gas them up about how we need to take America back to a simpler time in which men had value, which is a completely impossible task and an empty promise.

@bogusmcbogus2637

5 ай бұрын

@@nitroluver4l591 i can't imagine that pain

We are all victims of sexism in some way, just some more than others. The only solution is what it actually destroys: empathy.

@rachelfox8108

Жыл бұрын

Got it in one, bro. Sexism, patriarchy? It's a double-edged sword, and no one walks away unscathed. It doesn't make sense to live like this, when we have the tools to dismantle the sword, and empathy and compassion are both possible.

@patt5085

Жыл бұрын

Sadly sometimes people dont even have empathy for themselves. Like an alcoholic father who only options to relive stress is to beat their children and drinking, rejecting help or anything that would make them perceive differently from the tiny boundary they created in their own head. Trapped as they never been taught to take in new information all their lives.

@matthiasdahms7

Жыл бұрын

@@rachelfox8108 how do you equate sexism with patriachy? sexism is a real thing that genders develop towards each other when empathy is missing. patriarchy is a political term to force a divide can and does that lead to said lack of empathy. there is no orchestrated plot among males to keep women down, there is just biological preferences towards certain tasks and an unfortuanet economical situation that makes "male" tasks financially more scalable and therefore more lucrative than "female" tasks, although both are equally as important.

@Oscar_AH

Жыл бұрын

@@matthiasdahms7 I have to disagree with you. Sexism and Patriarchy are real and come from the same place. It’s not a “plot” from men towards women, the same way the term is not made up to divide and confront us. It’s something built in society for thousands of years. What you say is “unfortunate”, it’s just a consequence of that. There is no gender war or confrontation. The lack of empathy makes us take it personally and feel attacked and act defensively because we don’t fully understand the other side. The truth is, we still need to learn a lot as society to fix the mistakes that are in our roots.

@matthiasdahms7

Жыл бұрын

@@Oscar_AH what is the patriarchy exactly? males have a preference to concern themselves with things, women have a preference to concern themselves with people. caring about people is very important, but it is not something that can make you rich in a capitalistic environment because you can not make caring more timeefficient. things howevery, invention and production, are scaleable and sellable on global levels which is what creates wealth. the only place where i have to agree with you that there is an actual deliberate sexist structure keeping women down is in religious institutions. anyway, unless you find that these preferences have been deliberately conditioned on women by men, i don't see a reason to believe in the existance of a patriarchy. as a socialist and atheist i really see myself standing against sexist devisiveness but these neosocialliberal terms that keep demonising one gender are a political armsraces that is really backfiring.

Tbh I don’t see how this is a woman problem, this is just woman friendship dynamics vs male friendship dynamics.

“The masses of men live lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation” -Henry David Thoreau

All my life I have been told that I am "too nice" and that because I am too nice, I must be up to something, that I must have a hidden agenda. Yeah, thinking you're cool and interesting and trying to make friends is my hidden agenda. It is the "curse" of being male. Thank you, Anna, you are wonderfully insightful and inspiring!

@mutalix

Жыл бұрын

Damn, I know exactly how you feel.

@Duryism

Жыл бұрын

My god, I relate to this so much! Thanks for the solidarity here.

@balancemaster55

Жыл бұрын

This was me before uni, I just stopped being super nice and began to prioritize my self first instead cause it was so hurtful hearing the must be up to something

@-haclong2366

Жыл бұрын

Nobody ever tells a woman that they're "too nice" unless it's that they're being "too nice" to strange males to try and scare them that it's somehow harmful and risky.

@SA-ey6nt

Жыл бұрын

That's not only related to your gender, it's true in general, people tend to distrust people who they find to be "too nice", call it an instinct. Depends on many things, genders yes, also where you grew up, your experiences, what family in and so on. So no need to take it personal

Blaming it on "toxic masculinity" has also had it's bad effects on men.

@MrNikeNicke

Жыл бұрын

I think that has a lot to do with how one interprets it, while it's meant to convey that there are ways in which men are normally socialized that is toxic, which is definitely true, it often gets interpreted as being masculine - and by extension being a man - is inherently toxic. It doesn't help that there is a common animosity towards men and that this animosity is generally socially acceptable, but the real concept behind the words "toxic masculinity" is valid.

@BuryMeInBabylon

Жыл бұрын

@@MrNikeNicke toxic masculinity is only valid If toxic femininity is and if toxic femininity was real we should be spending as much effort stamping that out as toxic masculinity

@codex830

Жыл бұрын

@@BuryMeInBabylon preach bro

@agathachris9722

Жыл бұрын

Exactly

@cdronk

Жыл бұрын

Toxic Masculinity is a term used by men haters, and throwing that phrase around only makes things worse.

Blaming male loneliness on "homophobia" and even "white imperialism" is probably the most psycho thing I've heard this month.

Still remember that one women who disguised herself as a man and after going through that experience, she killed herself. Rip.

@KarakuraRiser

3 ай бұрын

Norah Vincent

@andyaquitaine4225

26 күн бұрын

Not exactly. I had to look it up, it did start her depression I believe, but she had an assisted suicide 16 years later

I'm mostly very warm and welcoming to any guys I meet (sometimes more so than towards woman because they make me feel insecure). Unfortunately this often leads to the guy thinking I'm flirting or hitting on him. The theory that men are usually met with a more cold and distances attitude would definitely explain why a little bit of niceness so quickly leads to that kind of impression on their end.

@winterg5093

Жыл бұрын

It's also because a lot of men don't experience friendship the way we do. All of the nice things we do for our female friends we wanna do for our male friends to but if none of your friends treated you with that level of care and love it make sense to assume otherwise.

@Skyler_Momoko

Жыл бұрын

@@winterg5093 I agree.

@S0RCERESS

Жыл бұрын

If you never experience something like that / arent used to it at all you are immediately attracted to someone being so kind to you.

@AntiSoraXVI

Жыл бұрын

Truth be told in highschool when talking to one of my female friends we essentially came to to conclusion that I would fall for anyone willing to show me the bare minimum amount of affection. Women who said they wanted to date me immediately got a “yes” with full commitment even if I had barely given them the time of day before. I could’ve dated any one of my female friends if I didn’t actively set up a wall in my head separating people I want to keep as friends and romantic interests. I’m 24 and this year is the first time I’ve ever rejected people despite the affection they showed me. I imagine it’s a lot worse for men who don’t regularly get affection from the opposite sex.

@crypticcorgi8280

Жыл бұрын

In a life of cold shoulders, a little bit of warmth feels like a sign. Also doesn't help that our culture expects women to make hints and men to make the first move. Things would be so much better for everyone if anyone could just make the first move.

As a guy, I feel like I'm not allowed to express genuine anger or frustration because people will perceive me as violent, threatening, and retaliatory, even if I'm not doing anything remotely violent and have no intent to. I just have to bottle it up and release it somewhere else if I can. Also, expressing any emotion other than being happy, makes me be seen as inferior, weak, "negative," and a loser. Every time a woman tells me that it's ok for me to have emotions, it always turns out to be that I can only have them as they relate to HER emotions, and within acceptable parameters as defined by her, otherwise I've gotta pack it up because I need to "man up." It feels like other people, especially women, treat me like an object for their entertainment and validation and I can't have any validation of my own-genuine validation.

@guerillabeats2404

Жыл бұрын

This is the reason I don't talk to women unless I genuinely love their friendship. Mainly because I am not interested in validating them by listening. I'm more than a pair of ears.

@anotherrandomguy8871

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I felt this too in my own experience with my mother, where a person says that you can vent to them, and to always stand up for yourself, but then that same person you stand up against ends up being the one that tries to tell you how you SHOULD feel and that your wrong, which in that case was her saying a sexier remark that “men are dangerous” but when I got mad at that remark by pointing out how people only view men as dangerous, but women can also be dangerous yet people ignore when a woman does something such as assault, murder, or rape, she said that I shouldn’t be offended by facts because there are stats that say that men take up the majority of crime, and that I was invalidating women for that. Yeah these feelings of having to bottle up your emotion don’t necessarily come from nowhere, people just don’t really wanna hear a dude vent, or speak out, or display any emotion, especially anger or else it means that your violent.

@colourbasscolourbassweapon2135

Жыл бұрын

same here dude

@munkqiking7207

Жыл бұрын

As a mulatto, I get this thrown in my face any time I get frustrated or angry. People always draw conclusions based on my looks and think Im going have a raging tantrum and curbstomp people. I admit I have an imposing stature, but it comes with the territory of looking "dangerous". Dont ask me. I dont even know whatever the fk that means

@thecurrentmoment

Жыл бұрын

The key to expressing anger etc is to learn to be assertive, in my opinion. Anger tells you some boundary has been crossed or a standard violated - basically something unacceptable has happened. You need to be clear on what boundary has been violated, what you need to happen, state your case firmly but calmly, and make sure there are consequences if things continue to be unacceptable. It's like channelled and controlled aggression. Obviously your standards/expectations need to be fair and reasonable, and you have to keep your emotions in check (you can't look angry and one breath away from murdering someone, for example). You can't be threatening. But if something is unacceptable then you need to calmly assert your boundaries and follow it up with consequences, which a lot of people have never been shown how to do. I think a lot of anger actually comes from frustration and perceived helplessness to do anything about the situation, mainly because people undermined our efforts to assert our boundaries when we were growing up. But being able to confidently assert your boundaries is very empowering and then you don't feel helpless, frustrated or angry, because you can just ask for what you need, basically, without trying to force or persuade someone to give it to you Anyway, try developing assertiveness and see how it works for you.

I've said this before, but I believe the problem with male loneliness is a need for friendship rather than romance.

@untilm

6 ай бұрын

But most men do have friends

@claudiaj2138

5 ай бұрын

Yes! My friends and I are 100% vulnerable with each other and I never see that kind of love in male friendships unfortunately

@user-gn4pk1qd2l

5 ай бұрын

@@untilm I mean the quality of the friendship, not necessarily the presence of them. A lot of men have "friends", but if women had that same relationship, we'd consider them acquaintances. I think a lot of men are lacking that intimacy that would make them not feel lonely and they think they'll cure loneliness through sex and relationships.

@user-gn4pk1qd2l

5 ай бұрын

@@claudiaj2138 Same. It's a shame men have so many boundaries to break through in order to reach that level of vulnerability with each other typically.

@claudiaj2138

5 ай бұрын

@@user-gn4pk1qd2l definitely. I just try to do my part by engaging the men in my life in vulnerable conversations and listening, but it honestly feels like most men still believe their ‘masculine image’ is more important than vulnerable intimate connection with others. I keep seeing men (and women) say they should retain traditional masculinity while also forming genuine connections with others..as if traditional masculinity isn’t the reason for their suffering. I don’t know how to help break those boundaries down when so many people prefer them to be up:/

A guy gives so many flowers during the course of his life but for most guys, the first time they will receive flowers is at their funeral.

The constant treatment as if I'm a potential predator is HUGE. I totally understand why people would treat me that way, but I hate the feeling.

@bronjesamuel1054

Жыл бұрын

But the perception is bs. Women are comparatively just as abusive as men. They also cheat at the same rates. Men are the overwhelming victims of all violent crimes. I mean you could say $exual assault but if you factor in r@pe in jail the overwhelming majority of victims would be men.

@User-pw3pu

Жыл бұрын

@@Nazrel98 Avoiding is fine, but bothers me is having to worry about scaring someone else (possibly wrongfully targeted/attacked) while not being a creepy asshole. I've been running and turned just to avoid running up behind a woman while jogging. I was no threat, her perceiving me as a threat was the greatest issue.

@anotherrandomguy8871

Жыл бұрын

I’m kinda torn here, because I feel like I understand it, but I also feel like this logic is only ever used on men and that we are seen inherently as predators that will do horrid acts to you. This logic isn’t just used on strangers in general, meaning that both men and women can be potential threats to you, no, it’s just used on men because on average we are bigger, but again, women are not seen as threats at all in first place, and are not seen as potential murders and whatnot, even if that woman is a stranger.

@colourbasscolourbassweapon2135

Жыл бұрын

@@anotherrandomguy8871 Women are overrated

@DUWANGlai_kangyi

Жыл бұрын

@@anotherrandomguy8871 ^^THIS^^

It always goes south when one person over confidently analyzes what being man is just from the person's own experience and without even talking with other men about it. 😂

@rapcentraltv831

Жыл бұрын

yea its like shes almost there but not rly.

@agathachris9722

Жыл бұрын

Still asking a woman what men want and what men experience.

@GloriousGrunt

Жыл бұрын

is this womansplaining?

@marielquiros6718

Жыл бұрын

exactly, but I bet you she doesn't want to do that because it'll turn her feminist opinions and perspectives off the rail, she's a joke

@titusorelius9458

Жыл бұрын

Talking to men??? Like they're people??? Eww...

How do women have worse and faker friendships at the same time as they have deeper and more emotionally fulfilling friendships? The narratives are clashing.

@van4195

15 күн бұрын

... by having more than one friend... lol

Did I just get womansplained? 😂😂 Bro if I can’t talk about women and how they feel without being called a sexist neither should you stop.. Also women are far more likely than other men to ridicule men. Most gfs will say “im not your therapist” when men tell them their issues. Bro you tell me the same things or worse but they act like men are a hassle anytime they say anything about emotions.

As a woman, I am here to tell you that not all female relationships are genuine and where you can really talk about your feelings, etc. A lot of them are superficial and several women I have met have had nefarious intentions. Women are just more covert in their aggression.

@GregXHunterz

Жыл бұрын

Okay yea this I agree with. I seen a lot of women's dynamic and they are somewhat open in comparison to the men's dynamic I see but ultimately there's really no difference.

@jclyntoledo

Жыл бұрын

Are you sure you aren't talking about HS and like beginning of college/uni years? bc I swear that has not been my experience at all. I talk to lots of ppl and if you aren't hanging with cliques that does not happen.

@Skyler_Momoko

Жыл бұрын

@@jclyntoledo Some adults sadly do carry that into their adult years. I guess it just depends who you hang out with. My uni friends are all sweet but my neighbours (fully grown adults with kids & even grankids) can be toxic and passive as hell.

@doubtfullable

Жыл бұрын

Absolutely. I consider myself very kind and out going and have 0 friends because of this. When I go out yes, I do chat with the occasional women I come in contact with, but men do the same from what I’ve seen 🤷🏼‍♀️

@TheCccombobreaker

Жыл бұрын

Sadly there are some female relationships that are not genuine, but my experience is a bit different. I feel like I know a huge amount of really nice and open girls, I am friends with some of them, and even if we are not friends yet with others, I feel safe when I am around them. But, of course, occasionally I meet ungenuine people, but they just get out of my life very quickly.

There's a good reason why men are offing ourselves at pandemic numbers. Loneliness is more dangerous than fentanyl.

@spookyplaystation

Жыл бұрын

Fentanyl is merely the symptom

@nathansiegel6799

Жыл бұрын

Fentanyl understands Women don't.

@summerholly1937

Жыл бұрын

No one’s required to be with y’all creepy lonely creepy men. Cry about it. Think about what minorities and the lgbt community to through. You have first world problems. There’s People ACTUALLY suffering in this world

@summerholly1937

Жыл бұрын

@@nathansiegel6799 woman don’t need to understand. Bc they aren’t objects required to be with you. Leave them alone weirdo

@langfordjeremy100

Жыл бұрын

@@nathansiegel6799 damn heavy 🪨

My brain just want: "Its not sad, its normal" And I hate it.

yeah she's bleeding wrong about the murder thing though men are the majority victims worldwide when it comes to that

Men - "hey, things here are pretty bad" Woman - "shut up, you are privileged" ... Transmen - "hey guys, cismen are right" Women - "wow, who would have thought"

@floffy2695

Жыл бұрын

It's more of: Men - Constantly dismissing women's issues, demanding women to cater to men's issues whilst juggling all of their own and then blaming it on women when women finally snap and say they're privileged and can't focus on it 24/7.

@micaeldelalibera6482

Жыл бұрын

hahaha wtf. In what world do u live in?

@cancelled_user

Жыл бұрын

@@floffy2695 Women don't cater for men's issues, except in feminist fantasies. Stop this garbage. Just.... STOP IT. Western society is gynocentric. You need to wake up. No one is dismissing women's issues. They are in literally all newspapers, TV, even in companies today. We have a TV screen in our company too, where there are women's issues, LGBTI issues, etc. presented all day on a loop. All issues except men's issues (white, hetero men).

@richardcelaya7361

Жыл бұрын

@@floffy2695 thus proving the point..... you just said 'shut up , you are privileged ' but in extra strps

@ahmedfarukcakmak6724

Жыл бұрын

@@floffy2695 tf are u sayin mate

The same "open minded progressive" people who say men need to show their emotions more are the same people who were making fun of Jordan Peterson for crying last week.

@aaliyahhenderson1888

11 ай бұрын

Because Jordan Peterson is a hypocrite much like most of the people in these comments living in an echo chamber. Jordan Peterson is the same man always spouting about masculinity and being a strong male yet contradicted his own standards when he himself cried

@turokokokoko9714

11 ай бұрын

Funny the only respnse comment was so toxic it got removed. Really shows how “accepting” these ppl are. People are finally fighting back tho change is o comin

@therealallpro

11 ай бұрын

Disagree. Those are in fact different ppl.

@turokokokoko9714

11 ай бұрын

@@therealallpro literally isnt, “progressives” are unprogressive af And one of the most toxic groups of people

@armingleiner5292

9 ай бұрын

I make fun of him and I am on the right and strictly against showing your emotions in public. It shows that you cant control your emotions. It shows weakness.

Women CAN dumb their bullshit armor because they AREN'T always under attack. They're just paranoid.

When I (single avg white male) moved into a house in a neighborhood, no-one welcomed me. Oh well. Months later, next door a young couple moved in and I thought I would go over and welcome them since I thought no-one else will. When I went over, I was surprised. There was already another neighbor there welcoming them. The woman who had moved in said to me "This is so nice, everyone has been coming over to welcome us!". Hmmm.

@SpaceRanger37

29 күн бұрын

That’s really sad, I could feel that personally. I really don’t understand that when you’re just some single guy nobody cares, but when you’re couple everyone is interested. It’s insane

Men aren’t damaged or “emotionally starved” bruh we just have a different mentality as women, we can understand when we’re alone and show emotion differently when people are around. We’re used to the fact that people think we’re “dangerous murderers who run the world” and all we can do is just hope we don’t put out that image when walking down the street. Basically, we’re used to it, but obviously if your transitioning into a man from a woman, you’ll still be used to getting hugs and compliments everyday from strangers/friends. It’s a sad reality that you can only understand if you were born a man and grow up as one, but there’s in no way something wrong with us.

@AbcDef-hm6kt

Жыл бұрын

Stay up king 👑

@MaxPowers2.0

Жыл бұрын

Right men just need a little empathy, and a little respect, and we’ll be fine

@xenoaltrax485

Жыл бұрын

Damn right! Women always assume we have the same needs as them, but the fact is our brains are wired differently from them.

@paradigmshift7541

Жыл бұрын

ya damn right, thanks for saying it

@Denny_Boi

Жыл бұрын

Homie I can say that I am not used to "it". It's so draining.I don't like the fact that I'm automatically seen as a potential danger to some random woman I'm walking passed on the street. Sure we guys are wired differently, but the society at large still paints a very skewed idea or image of a man.

I also think it’s a little telling - that it took this message coming from a trans man (a member of a largely marginalised group) to gain this sort of traction from this community. Often if a man was to bring attention to the same topics they would be written off as an incel/pickme/nice guy etc. The concept of hating men even as a “joke” I think has led to them not being taken seriously - even in the face of real struggles like emotional needs not being met. I don’t know who needs to hear it but - listen to men.

@tinap8227

Жыл бұрын

Women do need to listen to men more often (when they are being serious, as many use humour and joking around to deflect vulnerability). In many ways, some women have become hypocritical. Sexualising men for example: it is seen as totally acceptable in many circles, but flip the genders and it's easy to see the error.

@filidolphini

Жыл бұрын

you are right. i’ve seen influencers in the “manosphere” who do bring up valid struggles, but they also post very misogynistic, non empathetic content all the time, so obviously no one cares when they’re actually right.

@KierMailan

Жыл бұрын

Accurate comment.. not to devalidate this trans man's journey. It's quite courageous of them to open up. But a cis man, opening up about such, who's lived being a man their entire life would not garner the same attention. 80% of successful suicides are men. But no one wants to talk about that...

@michajastrzebski4383

Жыл бұрын

women are fundamentally unable to understand us, anyway. They will put everything we say into their own perspective of "how would that benefit ME", not "how can I help HIM".

@acutechicken5798

Жыл бұрын

@@filidolphini Yup. On the other hand, sometimes "[woman?]spherers" do a similar thing. I think we can say misandry and misogyny are connected very closely. How long it will take people to realize we must eliminate both, idk. Hopefully sooner.

One experience that really stuck with me, was in college. I fell into a friend group with a few girls. We were all pretty close, and it was the first time in my life that I felt like I had a chance at the kind of deep friendships I had always longed for. Before long, it became clear to me that they would semi-frequently have girls' nights, from which I was obviously excluded, and the thought never entered their minds to invite me. I understood it to a certain level. Yeah, they probably wouldn't feel comfortable with me there, and it was a "girls' night" after all. But it really hurt, especially as I realized the implications. I was entirely excluded from likely the more intimate conversations, simply on the basis of being a man. I felt like a complete fraud, and as though their friendship with me would always be somewhat superficial. They would always have some doubt that maybe I'm a predator or something like that, so they couldn't get too vulnerable around me. Or maybe it was just the assumption that I wouldn't be interested in those kinds of conversations and experiences, or for whatever reason they were uncomfortable having them around men. But it was completely isolating. I wanted more than anything in the world just to have close, deep and personal friendships, but I could never get as close to them as a girl could. I was cursed to never have what I longed for, simply because I was a man. It didn't matter who I was inside, my physical appearance and attributes were enough to exclude me from that world. And it made me question why such institutions as a "girls' night" even need to exist. And I don't think they do. I think the intention is logical, and serves a very real purpose, but at the end of the day, the exclusion purely based off of sex/gender and not a person's character is only isolating and incredibly damaging. If it's that it's uncomfortable, I think it's worth examining why. Perhaps there are some prejudices at play.

@jnewgot

Жыл бұрын

And you're sure there weren't rules against it.

@peterlewis2178

Жыл бұрын

@@jnewgot What do you mean? If you're implying that maybe there were rules against men going to women's dorm rooms, absolutely not. I went to their dorm rooms and had them in my dorm room several times, it was a perfectly normal thing.

@jnewgot

Жыл бұрын

@@peterlewis2178 Or family rules, their own rules. People, typically, live by rules. The problem is from what I gather you never asked them why which means you have a huge gap in your data. It could have been something you'll never think of.

@peterlewis2178

Жыл бұрын

@@jnewgot While, yes, I acknowledge there could have been another reason, I know that girls' nights are a pretty common thing, and are sort of predicated on the idea of not having guys there. They would refer to them as girls' nights, and I didn't ever ask to be included because I didn't want to be a nuisance to them, or worse have them accept out of pity. I know that I'm bad at that. I have rock-bottom self-esteem, and my default assumption is always that I'm in the way, so it's really hard for me to reach out and initiate things. That's something that I recognize and work to improve on. But the point is more that I was by default excluded. We all met each other at basically the same time, and we all seemed relatively close to each other, and yet I tended to be excluded half the time, at least in part because I was a man. I don't hold it against them, but there definitely was a cultural element that was pushing me away, and meant that I would need to work a lot harder to have the kind of friendship and connections they had. And it hurt, because it made me feel unwanted and as though no one cared nearly as much about me as I cared about them.

@jnewgot

Жыл бұрын

@@peterlewis2178 Honestly, you sound very childish and naive. The kind of people you're hoping for are extremely rare and often border-line or totally anti-social. Both sexes regardless of culture enjoy spending time away from the opposite, the same as Introverts and Extroverts tend to prefer the company of their own type. How often did you show them that you enjoyed the girlie things they were into, or asked them about it, did you ever learn about such things to hold a conversation or did you just expect to be included because you were friends?

Bois, this is why if you find a women who accepts who you are and appreciate you opening up. Keep her, it’s rare to find a women like that aside from your mother or sisters or grandmother

This is why every dad who doesn't want a cat/dog falls in love with it. Men have a lot of love to give and no "acceptable" way to express it.

@sarahg2653

Жыл бұрын

Oh man. My fiance swore that he hated cats. Introduce a tiny kitten I named "Max," who purred as loud as a freight train and curled up in his arms. He melted (my fiance, that is, not the cat, lol.) It was seriously endearing. Interesting point you made.

@darrenrobinson9041

Жыл бұрын

Cars !

@drew5334

Жыл бұрын

"Men have a lot of love to give and no "acceptable" way to express it." This x100.

@kingdom001_

Жыл бұрын

That’s not why, it’s because men understand responsibility. You learn to love the dog your wife forces on you because you have no choice and he’s not going anywhere, not because he would’ve ever gotten a dog or would have felt he can’t.

@sorenjensen3863

Жыл бұрын

Truth brother

As a man I can tell you sooo many of their observations about being a man are are completely off because this person is Trans. They are approaching everything from a female POV. Men are not "emotionally starved", men are not secretly "longing to cuddle all their male friends". This person feels like this because they have a female brain. Honestly the best thing people like women and others can do is to let Men be Men, stop labeling everything we do as toxic, stop telling Men they need change. Let Men express themselves how naturally want to.

@KingRaffael

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, couldn't have said it better. That person was experiencing the male dynamic with a female perception, so she couldn't understand it. They failed to understand that a lot of things that works for females just won't work for men, our perception and thought processes are different.

@rapcentraltv831

Жыл бұрын

this comment should have the most likes in this section.

@naglfar6305

Жыл бұрын

@@rapcentraltv831 But it won't cuz man bad, woman good. /s

@sterlingw3611

Жыл бұрын

truth

@agathachris9722

Жыл бұрын

She's a woman so her thoughts are based on women's reactions.

Men bond by insulting each other, but they don't mean it. Women bond by complimenting each other, but they don't mean it.

@jnewgot

Жыл бұрын

😂

@bigpeenthrob

Жыл бұрын

no lol

@jeffransom9480

11 ай бұрын

men insult their friends as a way of saying I see through all your armor and I respect the real imperfect you underneath. women compliment their friends as a way of saying I see you through the lens of love rather than criticism. Both are nice, they come from the different relational needs that men and women have.

@user-gn4pk1qd2l

11 ай бұрын

Um, no, we mean it.

That transman re-discovered what Nora Vincent did in 2000. She was a lesbian journalist who experienced life as a man for 18 months. She was completely devastated by the experience, so much so that she decided to terminate her own life in 2022 using a programme in the Netherlands. I need girls like Anna Akana who would like to reach me and love me.

Wait until he finds a woman he develops a relationship with. I expect that at some point he will actually follow through on the requests he hears to "let himself be emotionally vulnerable", or "stop being toxically male". Then, odds are very high that he will be rejected by the woman he loves for being weak. It's a thing.

Most trans men expect a heaping helping of male privilege when they transition, but they soon get a heavy dose of reality--that being a man is a tough, lonely, and mostly invisible existence, especially if you're average.

@ralphralpherson9441

Жыл бұрын

So true brother... might as well be a ghost.

@dreamingnight13

Жыл бұрын

In my experience, most trans man don't really expect it, but that doesn't mean it's not jarring when you get treated so differently even though your still the same person, both for the better or worse

@donalvarito3165

Жыл бұрын

It doesn't have to be that way, we need to renovate our models of masculinity and abandon these limiting models of masculinity that limit us men emotionally and socially.

@maxn.7234

Жыл бұрын

@@donalvarito3165 Traditional masculinity is not for the weak. Not every male gets to become a man by maximizing his intellectual and physical potential, and mastering his emotions. This is preferable to the false utopia where men are blubbering about their feelings.

@SpiritAA

Жыл бұрын

I don't get any of this. My friends are awesome and yes we don't cry and whine to each other but I know beyond a doubt they are there for me. They love me and will help any way they can. Yes we would rather shoot the shiz about sports, cars or family but it doesn't make it any less sincere than hugging and crying about life.

1:20 Man, that almost made me cry because, yes. I have always been emotionally starving. It a gradual thing at first, when you are still a child, your parents give you fewer and fewer hugs and eventually they are almost nonexistent.

How can women tell what kind of guy they're dealing with? Men can't even tell what other men are necessarily thinking.

Wow. It just occurred to me that if the same male stranger walked up to me, I would visibly relax if he said he was trans because my brain would think "cool. Less likely to murder me." Zan's right. I don't want to do it, but I can't risk the consequences if I don't.

@AmandaSbarros

Жыл бұрын

Omg yes

@balancemaster55

Жыл бұрын

I wouldn’t judge anyone in a negative light for stressing out if a stranger came near them. But at the same time most murders are done by people they knew so it’s hard to assess what the most logical option is. But do you really logically feel a man will more likely murder you or is this an emotional thing?

@MeTalkPrettyOneDay

Жыл бұрын

@@balancemaster55 Both. There is unquestionably an emotional cultural factor, but I've also exclusively had (perceived) cis men make unwanted advances on me when just walking around.

@feev4571

Жыл бұрын

@@balancemaster55 honestly it’s just a simple matter of biology most of the time. Cis men are generally (GENERALLY) bigger and stronger than cis women. Things like the size of biceps and height are pretty significant when you’re sizing up how much of a threat a stranger poses to you.

@mcbrainstem

Жыл бұрын

I love going out for walks and just having me time outside, but I don’t want to make anyone feel particularly uncomfortable. I am trying to look engrossed in my phone or have a pet/partner with me and I only go out in broad daylight, but is there something else I can do to not be not considered a “threat”?

It's true that as a man I don't want to expose weaknesses to strangers because they will use it against me (I have a lot of examples). But what this post is missing is that men have an emotional connection with their friends. We are not robots, just cold toward strangers.

@myblacklab7

Жыл бұрын

Good point, and I think this also applies to most friends. I'm learning not to make self-deprecating jokes, because people will seize on them to accuse me of being whatever I was joking about, or will repeat the joke to strangers they are introducing me to, and the strangers won't understand it was just a joke of mine that s/he is quoting, and will treat me like garbage as a result. Or if I say I've been feeling irritable, people will treat me as if I had been irritable, even if I had been perfectly nice to them. I don't understand this species. I'd say the same applies for women though - I don't think it's exclusively a male problem.

@lowkey276

Жыл бұрын

@@myblacklab7 Hahaha I know all of this all too well. I used to make self-deprecating jokes all the time but I never do it with acquaintances now.

@myblacklab7

Жыл бұрын

@@lowkey276 Conversely, it's funny how many people will react positively to self-aggrandizing jokes, even when they are way over-the-top, and even when they are insulting to 99.999999% of everyone. Yesterday I jokingly told a family member, "I'm better than everyone else" without any negative consequences or pushback. LOL.

@marksamson932

Жыл бұрын

A lot of men have few or no friends. Consider yourself lucky.

@commonenglishmistakes4360

Жыл бұрын

I'd say we shouldn't call it weakness, but vulnerability. I used to never share these feelings but once I started to, it was a big relief and I had the most support from guys, although the girls weren't negative with me (but they were friends, not girlfriends). It's always better to go step by step and not just pur everything out the first time you talk and see if the other person shares too. That can lead to mutual trust building up and it's worth it. It's made a huge difference in my life.

its amazxing they still blame masculinity when all the ridicule ive ever gotten was from femininity

Trust is one of the hardest things to regain and once you lose it to one or multiple people, you fear that the next person will do the same if you open up again. That's why, as a man, and even though I would like to open up, it is hard to choose the right people to open to, and I'm pretty sure a lot of men relate to this.

This seems so silly but worth posting - take picture of your guy friends. So many guys have no pictures of them and their friends and are so happy when they get included. I am constantly taking pictures and videos of them and just send them all. It helps them remember happy times and also if they are single, they have nice pictures for their profiles and don't need weird selfies. Win-win-win

@dharmani_youtube

Жыл бұрын

I think I might cry wow

@SpoonOfDoom

Жыл бұрын

This is such a nice thing to do! I love it.

@DiaboloMootopia

Жыл бұрын

I agree! Photos are very important. Not just saying this because I am a photographer :D

@kjellbergdaleulfr5796

Жыл бұрын

Wish i was taken pics of...

@fx7105

Жыл бұрын

Omg I'm so gonna do this! Tnx

Since we went through puberty, my sister has been unconsciously painting me out to be a predator and it deteriorated my mental health slowly. If I ever voice an issue I had with her behavior she would take it as me attacking her and tell our mom. I cant even stand next to her in the kitchen without her looking at me as if I'm towering over her and intimidating her. This has lead to be completed cutting her off for coming on 10 months even though we both still live at home... And not to my surprise, my mental health increased immediately after.

@redshark9537

Жыл бұрын

Move away from home as soon as possible. Tell your sister you want zero contact going forward. Just because you're related to someone doesn't mean you have to put up with her bullshit.

@3p1cand3rs0n

Жыл бұрын

Is she the only person in your life who reacts this way? do any other females avoid you or act fearful in your presence?

@brettb.coolin5627

Жыл бұрын

@@redshark9537 I'm moving out tomorrow :)

@brettb.coolin5627

Жыл бұрын

@@3p1cand3rs0n if I were a women. And my older brother was making me have poor mental health to damn near the verge of suicide. Would you then comment under her post and ask these questions?

@redshark9537

Жыл бұрын

@@brettb.coolin5627 Hope the move went smoothly. Your sister has mental health problems and is listening to the voices in her head instead of paying attention to reality. If you stay around her, she will eventually file charges against you, and the police and courts will tend to take her side. Remove yourself to a safe distance and be able to prove you have not had contact with her. I hope she gets help, but your going to jail and/or getting a criminal record is not an option.

It's our silence as men that allows others to feel safe and secure around us. And gives the foundation to be a rock to others. I could only imagine the fear id have in life if growing up if my dad was crying and complaining about how tough life is all the time. Instead he doubled down, and sacrificed everything he could to make it better for all of us. Thats why we are silent in suffering, it's the only way to move forward in the times of hell without spreading the dread and fear. Actions.

@Mojo_Dojo333

2 ай бұрын

On a side note, the writer is just a chick doing her best playing pretend of what she thinks a man is. And her perspective "as a man" makes it painfully obvious. Those are woman's thoughts and concerns. Also the idea that women they are treating her wildly different because shes a "man" is funny. You might just be an off putting obviously-trans person. I promise 90%+ of people would think that before "oh here's a normal average man".

Not a trans but a tomboy who pass as a guy most of the times (specially when my hair is super short), my experience as being proceeded as a male was an eye opener Specially in public transport, i have been treated like a predator, looked at weirdly, expected to give my place and never offered a seat even when i am at my weakest (i look pail and about to faint when on my period) At the same time i felt safer, being proceeded as a guy gave me the luxury of using public transport at late hours without feeling threatened or being threatened, i was able to hold decent conversation with guys without worrying about them misunderstanding my kindness or respect as a sign of flirting

@HK47_115

Жыл бұрын

Seems to me like these male privileges and female privileges really just have their pros and cons in of themselves.

@mikestepp9403

Жыл бұрын

You do realize men are physically assaulted much more then females. If a male predator sees you as a easy target single male he will assault you with a greater amount of force then he would if he knows your female. One punch from even an average size man can knock you down and out.

@brockwiththepot

Жыл бұрын

Don't be naive, being a guy in no way shape or form gives you the "luxury" of riding public transportation safe at night. Man or woman you should always keep your head on a swivel at night. Lone men get robbed and or assaulted all the time.

@Sammysapphira

Жыл бұрын

Public transport at night is not safe for men, or women.

@todddddddd3696

Жыл бұрын

Do you think you have an Iron issue? Feeling like your about to faint on your period sounds like it could be a serious issue, not trying to be a doctor but looking into if lack of iron in your blood stream is a cause of that issue could help.

As a man, I genuinely feel like living this life alone. This does not feel like living together with other people. I live side by side with them. Sometimes interact. Sometimes for longer. But there genuinely is no deep personal connection.

@daan260

Жыл бұрын

@@Cha4k same

@notaburneraccount

Жыл бұрын

Same. I'm exhausted with expending my time and energy only for people to dip out all of a sudden. Trying to connect with others just doesn't seem worth it anymore.

@anima94

Жыл бұрын

I thought that's what everyone feels like (except if you are a parent I guess)

@untilm

6 ай бұрын

Don't you have good friends?

... Is this a shock to anyone? We've been saying this while being told "Men don't have issues".

since we're stereotyping, here's a trend i've seen. not all but most trans men i meet tend to overdue "masculinity" (e.g., trying to sound tough, attempting a beard, talking about sports a lot). it comes off as awkward to biological men (yeah, i said it) who can also be sensitive to someone trying too hard. however you want to appear or act is your choice but you can't expect others to like it just as i don't expect many people to like this comment. and maybe who you are doesn't have to be so focused on gender

As a trans woman, the opposite happens, people actually talk to me. People actually give me the attention that I never got before transition, I am mostly respected and people aren't scared of me

@smudgeous4068

Жыл бұрын

How does that make you feel after living so long in the other shoes? Purely a positive change? Somewhat emotionally exhausting? Somewhere in between?

@heartdisease1

Жыл бұрын

Wow, you must be really passing then, "people aren't scared of me" does not definitely not describe my everyday experience as a trans woman xD But I know what you're getting at, those that "believe" trans people exist treat me like a woman (mostly at least) and that's quite a different experience than before.

@lifeasrini

Жыл бұрын

@@heartdisease1 I'm so sorry you're experiencing fear from people, you're gorgeous just the way you are please don't forget that ❣️❣️

@doggo6517

Жыл бұрын

Ah, but what about as a fox

@theshermantanker7043

Жыл бұрын

I find it interesting that trans people have such different experiences because many trans women say they're disrespected more after transitioning, it's a strange phenomenon that I'm genuinely curious as to what the cause is

5:30 uhh women are not overwhelmingly the victims of murder... how on earth could anyone think that?

@thespookyvaginosisnut5984

Жыл бұрын

Yes, men are more likely to be killed

No, women are not the majority of victims when it comes to murder.

Even while explaining a sad issue women will never understand. This monologue is filled with mysandry.

I am really thankful for the trans man for putting this out there but at the same time, men have been saying this for a very long time but it's always been brushed aside, but hey I'm glad it's finally being talked about. The only issue now is the solution, every time I see toxic masculinity brought up, women always repeat the same ideas, "men are told not to cry, men are told to repress their emotions, men don't have physical interaction with their male friends" but they never ask the men for their opinion. Interaction between men and women is vastly different, and I can guarantee having men act like women is not gonna solve anything. Some of these issues are deeply rooted and there is no quick fix to it. Also repeatedly calling the one thing that holds us together and gives us a sense of camaraderie is now being labeled toxic and poisonous. Not saying masculinity doesn't have issues but to be called toxic just for being me is just salt on the wound.

@brownskinalsi845

Жыл бұрын

Expressing your emotions isn’t acting like a woman.

@thecarbonworks3539

Жыл бұрын

@@brownskinalsi845 I agree. What I meant by that is, more and more we're starting to idealise feminine behaviours and characteristics behaviour in school, leading to many young boys falling behind. Rough and tumble play, competitive sports and "competitive" games like tag and thief and police are shunned. Reading action or comic books are seen as "lesser" reading material even though boys tend to gravitate towards them more, leading to a stunned interest in reading from an early age. Play time over all is reduced for indoor studying, which also doesn't bode well for more active children (mostly young boys). The result is, young and teenage boys falling behind in school, with no goals and interests to push them. With more and more broken families in our society, these boys also don't have good role models at home to set an example, to make up for things that the schools can't provide. No easy way to solve these issues, there are some benefits to the things I mentioned above but we have to realise they come at the cost and until we recognise that we can't solve this issue. And by the way, boys do show their emotions, these emotions are often uncivilised as they were never taught how to adequately confront them, and learn from them, to be a better part of society. They were never taught that their emotions aren't the problem but it's the way they handle them.

@bigredhawkeye5167

Жыл бұрын

Also whenever a man talks about his problems as a man women just pull the “oh poor you your life as a man is so hard” card because they think women just have it so much worse

@brownskinalsi845

Жыл бұрын

@@thecarbonworks3539 hm. I see. Okay. I do have a question though (a question you don’t have to answer) but where are you from? I’m in Georgia, and I don’t necessarily see any of the things you’re talking about. Then again though, I haven’t been everywhere so 🤷‍♂️. Okay then.

@brownskinalsi845

Жыл бұрын

@@thecarbonworks3539 adding on, I think, imo, we should idealize feminine (and masculine) characteristics and behaviors everywhere. Femininity is undervalued while masculinity is overvalued (hence why boys being feminine is wrong but girls being masculine is okay). I may be biased because I have a gender neutral mindset about personality traits (girls can be rough, boys can be sensitive) but I do believe having masc and fem traits help build kids. In my belief, you can’t have masculine without feminine. Balancing those masc and fem traits can help a lot. I do agree with a lot of what you said but this is just one thing out of others I wanted to address.

“Because of white imperialism” bro WHAT

@gman3976

Жыл бұрын

Facts. Completely outta left field.

@tdotvy4579

Жыл бұрын

She’s trolling bro. I don’t believe her at all

I think a major portion of this empathy problem is mistaking "traditional male tendencies" as "starvation" or "culturally programmed". A lot of typical male tendencies like "socializing in an activity that is geared toward 'beating an enemy force' " or not wanting to, for lack of better words, be hyper social with other men the way women are to other women (on average) is arguably something programmed into us from a fundamental biological basis. These types of activities like "tribalism" and "natural aggression toward other men" or "holding our guards up" has a lot of layers to why it evolved that way, and I would say is less a symptom of society and more a solution to a problem that no longer exists: we're not at constant risk of being murdered by neighboring tribes the way we used to, a lot of our activities that involved male teamwork and comradery to accomplish a mutual task (murdering neighboring tribes or something like hunting for food) is now no longer necessary (towns are settled and food is always readily available en masse at the local supermarket), and now you're seeing a semi-epidemic in the western world of men who has an innate urge to solve problems that no longer exist, and some women are stepping in trying to "help" from a female perspective, but it's extremely difficult to unwire and untangle millions of years of evolution that led us to this point. Things like sports (both games played w/ friends or events you go to to watch) are more or less mediations of these urges. Group activities that inspire competition amongst each other (men in particular) while working together are forms of solutions to these natural impulses. Bunch of ramblings off the top of my head. But in total I think men being "semi-solitary w/ the interest of socializing via group activities aimed at accomplishing a common goal" is actually very normal, and if anything would do more men more good if we had more resources available to help ostracized men seek them out.

Its disgusting how women and trans men feel like they have a right to dictate a man how he must feel.

As a person who tried HRT and transitioned male to female for almost 4 years before quitting (due to not ever feeling like I would be able to pass and be treated well), I'm glad one of us spoke out about learning what it's like to cross the gender divide socially. In my heart personally I'll always see myself as one of the girls, but every day socially - I look like and pretend to be a man to try and fit in and stay alive. It's rough. Thanks, Anna.

@Smsbulgaria

Жыл бұрын

It must be a very difficult road to go down. I am so sorry society is not giving you another safer and better option. Much love and support to you, Rain.

@TheOJDrinker

Жыл бұрын

As someone who was born and remains a man, the phrase "pretend to be a man to try to fit in and stay alive" feels like an accurate description of life. Regardless of where you see yourself, you are not alone.

@SA-ey6nt

Жыл бұрын

@@TheOJDrinker As a girl, "pretend to be a man to survive" was a thing for me too, just not articulated like that :d now I understand it was qualities connected to a "real man". How those narrow definitions affect all of us in different ways..

@eatplastic9133

Жыл бұрын

Yea I always tried to act more manly too- just so people would take me seriously

@mika_il8170

Жыл бұрын

@@SA-ey6nt you are a man you like it or not just accept your self and go see a therapist

As my buddy and I explained it to our girl friend group a couple of months ago, "we don't gossip or really talk about each other's relationships much like women do, we check in with each other but would rather go do something or talk random hypotheticals than gossip ab each others significant other" It blew the girls away to hear it cuz apparently when they hang out they talk ab guys and they expected us to be the same with girls. We then showed them how we can take a hypothetical ab living on an island and turn it to a 7hr conversation lol

@redshark9537

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. I'd rather you tell me how to fix my garage door than how things are between you and your girl friend. The first is useful information. The second is drama. Don't wanna know. Don't care.

@TheRockStar04261999

Жыл бұрын

@@redshark9537 Exactly man. I'd rather go diagnose a problem with my car, talk about new project concepts or shoot the crap over music tastes than really delve into drama

@Niko6767

Жыл бұрын

Women keep women single they're miserable

@depressedphilosopherbitch7581

Жыл бұрын

I like drama if it doesn't hurt anyone seriously and I don't go around causing it. My life is just boring.

@violetvictoria7248

Жыл бұрын

because girls speak dearly of their interests while men just go she's hot and nice to me and then move on. They probably were exaggerating to make the conversation interesting too when they were shocked. But we are the same, it is just we have more drama in our house because parents tend to come to us girls for comfort and to release their stress and drop bombs of drama. But we do talk about other things that we like and movies and share opinions and we both know not a single human in the world that doesn't gossip, it just that you guys word it differently. We see each and text each other every 4 minutes and rather talk normal conversation than to roast each other and be fine with it. Because lmao a dude told me what their friends calls him and i swear they are evil for that. And don't listen to everything some girls say, they are setting you guys up.

I’m very proud of this man for speaking up about this, but I will say I’m very disappointed with society. It took a transgender man for society to pay attention and care about this? I survived an abusive relationship , and tried so hard to find a shoulder to cry on….to no avail. Women either made fun of me for being “weird” (I mean I was broken!!), or avoided me for being “creepy,” and I had to move on fully on my own Meanwhile my abusive ex simply said “my ex boyfriend lied and broke promises!!!” And everybody and their mother invited her out to do fun things I spent the last 6.5 years in the medical field, watching people 86 on me, and wanted somebody to come home to - I was called an entitled incel for being sad I’m not saying women have it easy, but I am saying men don’t have it easy, either. Especially men who want emotional connections

@michaelversace456

5 ай бұрын

I'll say it. Women don't get it. When they do, they kill themselves. Norah Vincent for example

This is a really great presentation.

It's amazing how this trans person confirms everything that was already understood by every guy. And also at the same time can be so wrong about it, the reasons why it happens and then still blame us for it yet again 😆. Mind blowing.

@hind4339

Жыл бұрын

I feel your pain .At the end of the day you are of woman born and someone`s precious brother.for now i`ll leave you with this... it`s better to leave acknowledgement and gratitude where it`s due.i don`t want to have a go at a stranger on the internet so...i`m hoping you catch what i mean if god wills and you intend it. salam upon you.

@No-ky3kb

Жыл бұрын

He's not wrong about it and he isn't blaming you for it. Men in many other cultures don't have these issues. What do you think the reasons are, then?

@zerofox2030

Жыл бұрын

@@No-ky3kb Totally wrong about it because they're female and thus don't have all the build up to the end.

@perseusvlasov367

Жыл бұрын

Men in other cultures that aren't much homophobic or where they can be soft and close with each other without being sexual have it better.

@apollomoondogboy

Жыл бұрын

@@zerofox2030 Hey. Trans men don't appreciate being called female. Knock it off. While it's true that being raised female will give you different experiences, that's the whole point: He's able to see the differences AS differences because he's experienced multiple ways of living. Cis people only have their one gendered life as reference. Trans people can see it from a broader perspective.

It's pretty sad that it takes a trans man for you to realize that the male experience is a pretty lonely and isolating one

@kevinfernandez9999

Жыл бұрын

Ya but men are built for that

@JoeMoss83

Жыл бұрын

It ain't that sad once a man really figures out who he is.

Xan lived his own experience as a trans man. He may have been isolated because men knew he was trans. He cannot generalize what he lived to actual men.

3:32 did we change subject halfway or something? Where did the white imperialism come from. 😂

As a female, I have never experienced instant camaraderie with other women. (Thanks, social anxiety.) I tend to connect when men talk about loneliness, although minus being perceived as a threat. In my experience women are socially allowed to act friendly toward another female they don't know, but that doesn't make forming genuine connections easier.

@allister.trudel

Жыл бұрын

same, if you don't have nurturing parents to teach you emotional intelligence it's the same. I was mocked for crying until I stopped, I wasn't comforted or helped through processing emotions, I was only allowed to express anger if any. So I relate to men in a lot of ways.

@Kodousinx

Жыл бұрын

The difference is men have social anxiety, around all female. Especially think about how media has completey strip us of any dignity. Male has been protecting women from being in awful work conditions.

@CMStrawbridge

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, in my experience, it's just made it harder to tell who's a friend and who's just being polite and who's actually trying to creep on me

@dragoonsunite

Жыл бұрын

"In my experience women are socially allowed to act friendly toward another female they don't know, but that doesn't make forming genuine connections easier." I think by definition this almost has to make it "easier," but not trivial... It can still be hard and social anxiety can be a barrier to entry for genuine friendships that women have... But... Being a man AND having social anxiety is worse than being a woman AND having social anxiety, and the ability to start on friendly terms does in fact make genuine connection formation easier. This isn't just random bullshit easier, there are studies showing this to be true: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5738126/ www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3135672/ www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4067132/ www.jstor.org/stable/522703

@sarcodonblue2876

Жыл бұрын

@@KodousinxThe majority of men most of the time only talk to females when they are attracted to them and it isn't about genuine connection but biological. That is why so many women are so rude to men when they approach and when we say we aren't interested the men then avoid us and want anything to do with us anymore.