I struggle so much with staying consistent especially in my relationship. So if anyone happens to pass by this comment please like it so I can come back to this and be reminded of how my girlfriend deserves to be treated. I would greatly appreciate it.

@Minotafb97

3 ай бұрын

You've got this. Making the effort will always pay off

@crystaltuesday9533

3 ай бұрын

Props, bro. Ill pray for you!

@marcantono

3 ай бұрын

you got this dude, I'll pray for you

@______6879

3 ай бұрын

Stay on it

@singersigner2167

3 ай бұрын

Thank you for caring about your girlfriend enough that you want to be accountable

Did I just listen to this repeatedly for an hour? Yes. Will I re-listen for as many times as it takes for me to get this through my thick skull? Also, yes. Do I want to be right or do I want to be married? I WANT TO BE MARRIED!

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Stacy, this is so kind of you. I am humbled. And I'm also super proud of this journey you're on. Obviously it works best when both partners have a desire to learn about self awareness and trauma and emotional maturity and I'm really hoping your partner is on this journey with you. Great things will happen!! =)

@inkaparamita9063

Жыл бұрын

I just did, re watching it for 13 time in an hour now 🤣

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

@@inkaparamita9063 😂 You're very kind

@sra.vasquez8015

Жыл бұрын

Right on!

@Thrgozt

11 ай бұрын

You are amazing. Well put. My boyfriend and I just talked about this and agreed to find a better way to communicate when we have conflict. THANK YOU SO MUCH! Perfect!

"If someone says I hurt them, I don't get to decide that I didn't" That little, huge way of seeing things might have saved us. It feels REALLY good to hear it now though

@brendareed5050

3 ай бұрын

I have heard hundreds of times that my husband didn't hurt me, but never wants to hear what hurt me.

I have chronically neglected my wife for years. Not heeding her emotions, her pain, and not listening to her thousands of warnings while I just autopiloted our marriage into the ground. Now everything I am doing now to try to show her I am changing and I want to be her rock like she was mine, is pushing her further away. "Why didn't you commit lsst time we separated?" "Why all of this now, only when you've lost me?" Perfectly valid, but painful.

@Tanagra180

Ай бұрын

As a woman in her position, I can confirm that even if she wants to let you back in and trust you again, it's really, really hard after getting burned so many times. I keep hoping that time will allow me to feel better again. Best of luck to you.

@user-ok6oi1hi4f

25 күн бұрын

Absolutely right 👍

@teresebjorsenius6432

23 күн бұрын

I also think that her questions are valid and you probably do too. I think you have to be patient for her to trust you, I don´t think those questions are signs of her pushing away though. Maybe she wouldn´t even ask if she has closed the door completely.

"Have you ever not been vulnerable with me because of a past pain I may have caused, even unintentionally?"

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Oh I love that!!

@sharlene44

5 ай бұрын

That’s a beautiful question to ask - so loving and curious ❤

@dnagoddesshealings2212

2 ай бұрын

Aa​@@sharlene44eqq q3

@VanessaSimon26

Ай бұрын

Yes.

@VanessaSimon26

Ай бұрын

That’s not love it’s avoidance. Exactly for 20 years begging for him to me intimacy and physical love. I am not crazy, I am deeply HURT. How could he not want me?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW LISTENING TO THIS GAVE ME HOPE THAT THERE ARE STILL MEN OUT THERE WHO ARE WONDERFUL, UNDERSTANDING HUMAN BEINGS. THANK YOU SO MUCH

@Armchair-Investor

4 ай бұрын

I think most of us men who watch this video will find these communication gymnastics exhausting and does not inspire or instill hope.

@stormysurge9083

3 ай бұрын

​@@Armchair-Investor Communication gymnastics? Most of the video is just about having empathy and self-awareness. What part is gymnastics?

@S3verance

Ай бұрын

​@@Armchair-Investorits really not that hard

@castalyhaddon8366

Ай бұрын

@@Armchair-Investor Lol, it might appear at first very difficut. But its not really. Tying your shoelaces was hard at first. Riding a bike was hard, at first. Dating women was hard, at first. We are amazing at what we can learn and do. Did you miss the bit about sex? This practice, lets not call it gymnastics, leads to more connection and more and better sex. I was a gymnast, so I don't think gymnastics is hard, you start with a roll, and day by day, week by week, year after year, you end up doing somersaults. It's the tiny improvements daily that make the difference, so do not give up hope, start small, and keep going. Rather than hoping, take action. small acts over time make a big difference. What you habitually do, you become. If this appears hard, perhaps this is because of your habits? I wish you well. And I wish my ex-husband had taken this advice.

@mariac2472

8 күн бұрын

@@Armchair-Investorwow. Communication gymnastics? This should be very inspiring. Because it’s really simple actually. It’s about caring about your partner and finding out what it is they’re upset about. And truly listening and caring. If you can’t do that, then maybe you just don’t care…

If anyone watched this and thought to themselves, “But I DO bring up issues in a calm, respectful manner! I DO follow these suggestions for healthy conflict! And my spouse STILL believes I’m attacking them and we don’t get anywhere!” . . . That’s a sign of an abusive mindset on the part of the one who always feels attacked no matter what. It’s a “How DARE you point out a single flaw in me!!” entitled response. Seek professional help, please.

@IndigoMystik

7 ай бұрын

Narcissism

@springBloomsinAwe

7 ай бұрын

So true. Seek help.

@cherylwalsh1599

6 ай бұрын

Thank you. I needed that .

@Jackofalladventures

6 ай бұрын

Interesting, I think, although not perfect, I feel I do a decent job of bringing things up and listening, and she will hear none of my side. But ultimately, I end up blaming myself. What makes it worse for me is that he seems to use an angle that it is the man's fault. I am stuck in a loop of wanting to take responsibility and not be a victim, but later, I think something just isn't right here.

@lindatannock

6 ай бұрын

​@Jackofalladventures you can take it to be the man or the woman he's talking about. He just says "men" because they're usually the ones who dismiss feelings and don't connect emotionally, because it's more common for guys to have that issue. Sounds like maybe you're having that problem with your wife? Hope things work out for you.

My ex hated when I texted him more than a few sentences. Wouldn't do face to face when disagreements arose. So I obviously had a lot to say and texted a ton. He replied with "I know you like to write but..." No I don't like to write. I like to have what I think and feel acknowledged and validated." That was the point I realized all the effort in the world won't change someone who doesn't respect you.

@lupeters213

7 ай бұрын

Did you ever explore why he hated it and how you can respect his aversion against being text walled better? I had people trauma dump on me without ever listening to what I had to say. A monolgue is not a dialogue is not how you cooperatively tackle problems.

@firstnamelastname9485

7 ай бұрын

​@lupeters213 in the end it didn't matter. Like I said if someone doesn't respect you there's no real effort made on thier part. So nothing I did would have made a difference.

@inspired2rv661

5 ай бұрын

It’s OK to let go of a partnership that’s no longer functioning. 🙏🏻✨💕

@Rosie_Apple_Delight

5 ай бұрын

“I know you like to write but…”. Oh, yes, I like so very much to write everything because you ignore what I say, pretend nothing even happened and just stone wall me. I like to write! Omg so so relatable

@laFrancaise806

Ай бұрын

@@firstnamelastname9485I’m sorry for what you went through. I truly believe that if we act with love and selfessness with our spouse even if they are not doing it, like in this case, apologizing for sending long messages and asking the person what's bothering them about that (It’s not easy but It’s worth it). It will soften their heart. I don't think being defensive is going to make the person more sensitive to our needs. (I don’t speak only about you but about all of us, because we tend to see evil in others that we don't see in ourselves and we all need to work on that)

This is important information for all relationships - not just marriage. Friendships, siblings, children… basic healthy communication. Thank you.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

So true! Thanks!

@fieryblaze75

11 ай бұрын

Just what I was thinking!

@oliviariggio2442

7 ай бұрын

Right!!! I can use this for my friendship!

@tweelingzielentarot

4 ай бұрын

I agree !!

@fredscharf5148

4 ай бұрын

Absolutely. Just not always easy, especially to slow down and just listen. It's a breaking of the mold to break out of self to other or us.

Geeez I started crying around 3 minutes. I wish I could explain this. I can’t even have a genuine conversation with my “partner” and I’m constantly walking on eggshells so that I don’t cause a fight.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry. :( that definitely only leads to worse distance and disconnection doesn’t it?

@taleandclawrock2606

9 ай бұрын

Doesn't sound like a very satisfying relationship at all....no growth possible without talking.

@AryAyala

7 ай бұрын

Get out while you still can. I had to leave to end the abusive behavior

@sunnyvarney4749

6 ай бұрын

I totally relate! My husband is a good guy but he doesn’t communicate well. Sometimes I think how have I dealt with sarcasm and defensiveness for 29 years?! I guess I tend to look at all the positive things about him, but then I feel lost also!!! I am always trying to work on myself because I know I’m not perfect but if your partner doesn’t think they’re doing anything wrong or know how to change life long habits… What do you do? Anyways I like these videos!!!!

@MismanagedTime

6 ай бұрын

This is my leaking boat and I'm deciding if I want to bail or fix the hole.

i’ve literally been told over and over again in my relationship how “I am not responsible for your feelings” when I communicate how his actions make me feel in the moment.

@Armchair-Investor

4 ай бұрын

Run! 🚩 🚩

@brendareed5050

3 ай бұрын

I hear you.

@normanclatcher

11 күн бұрын

He's not.

This takes two, both parties have to be invested. You cannot succeed with only one participant .

@margiel2180

2 ай бұрын

YEP!!!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️

I’m a single guy but for some reason I’m obsessed with these videos, I really enjoy the way you explain things and the reflection it gives me on the way I’ve handled things with my parents or friends that I didn’t see the full picture on, thank you for that. By the time I get done watching through your channel hopefully I’ll be dutifully prepared to handle any relationship troubles in the right way and be the partner my future spouse will deserve.

@LoulousCorner

Ай бұрын

The fact that you are actively trying to be the best you can be and avoid mistakes for the next relationship is incredible! I really hope you find the right fit for your shoe and be healthy and happy together.

@mariac2472

8 күн бұрын

That’s so awesome! You will be a great partner.

It's sooooo important to watch a video like this and truly focus on yourself, rather than think: "Yup, he's invalidating my feelings." Stop and ask yourself: "Am I, invalidating his?" Infidelity almost destroyed my marriage, it doesn't matter which of us made the mess ... the point is, the mess was made. Before it happened, our marriage was in the "worse" stage for reasons we could not control (our once perfect & healthy son had a ticking time bomb in his brain which erupted, taking him down in the 2nd grade). We were told we would lose him. That part, we could not stop. We could not have braced ourselves even. We never saw it coming. But how we behaved after diagnosis, we could have, and we should have, controlled. Instead, we allowed grief and trauma to reign, each focused on our own pain ... and when one of us would go to the other, to communicate feelings or concerns about the disconnect, the receiving person felt attacked. I can honestly say, we BOTH did this at different points. We didn't listen to hear, we listened to respond & defend. And in that pride, we were ripe for the picking. Enter: wolf in sheep's clothing feigning care and concern about us both (but really focused on comforting one, while passively aggressively minimizing the other). It was a long, painful journey but in the end, we were faced with 2 choices: Divorce or get help. Happy to say, we just celebrated 17 years married in July. And in this journey, we realized something. Love is not what happens on the way to the alter. That part is easy. That part is new ... you're filled with dopamine, attraction, infatuation, limerence, etc. You are in love with the idea of love. You're in love with the concept of happily ever after. That's not realistic though. Real love happens when newness wears off, you've seen one another at your best, your worst, and your most broken ... and choose to keep loving. Love is when real life hits ... and you can separate, but you keep fighting for one more chance. Love is an action. Love is a choice. Not to be corny but Clint Black's song was spot on ...love is NOT something that we're in, it's something that we do.

@moniqueengleman873

7 ай бұрын

👏👏👏👏👏 Bravo Excellent Commentary ❤

@haileythurston6280

5 ай бұрын

"It doesn't matter who made the mess" so it was you, huh? 😅

@rrmother3748

5 ай бұрын

Beautifully said. And absolutely true. Been married 28 years, and many of those have been rough. But at this point, I’m close to being done. I hope and pray that sending him this video will help him understand that I’m not fighting just to fight. I’m fighting to make things better, to be heard and understood. He’s just so defensive. Why?? I’m so sorry about your son. I can’t even fathom what that is like. Gentle hugs.

@rereraira4863

4 ай бұрын

So basically you made the mess

Jimmy! I am a licensed couples therapist, and you are just spot on! Kudos to you for screwing up on an epic scale, then self-correcting and educating yourself to the absolute max about what it takes to have a secure functioning relationship.

@oliviariggio2442

7 ай бұрын

Period!🎉

@loreliem665

6 ай бұрын

❤❤❤ and self correcting to the max ❤❤❤

Jimmy! (And Emily!) THANK YOU! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing these things with us! Husband and I have been together for 30 years, 28 married. 5 grown kids, 2 grandkids. We of course had some bumps and lumps and painful moments in between some really great times - went to counseling here and there when we couldn’t get past things on our own. Until a little over a year ago. He checked out - the guy that cringed every time someone said something about divorce, started peppering arguments with that word like it was his favorite new word. It wasn’t him, it was my menopause, I’m being crazy, I’m being thankless- and he’d dash off to work with a giant smile on his face. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with his disconnect, right? So I started digging and searching and found your KZread channel, you’re so relatable and down to earth, and your messages are so easy to listen to (lol, for me at least). So I started sending your vids to him. Pretty sure the first few times they got partially watched and promptly tossed out, and we still weren’t coming back to each other. It was so bad, I was almost positive I was going to be served papers for Christmas this year. He didn’t, thankfully, but we were still clashing and the last couple months even I was starting to think separation was a better option than what we had going on. But I kept sending the videos and buying the books and doing the things. Our last blow out was a day (week) of reckoning. My wedding ring was on the nightstand and I was starting to look at jobs out of state. I sent him this video (again) and told him I wasn’t going to send him anything anymore, I wasn’t going to buy anymore books and I was done. He watched - all the way through this time, and then he watched more, and then some more. We’ve had a breakthrough!! I’m not saying we’re up to our necks in pure wedded bliss, but we’re both looking at things as partners, not us vs us. He came home last night and said, “I watch and want to punch Jimmy in the jimmy, and then I watch him some more, and I want to shake Jimmy’s hand and thank him.” So thank you for sharing yourself with the world so more of us can be successful in our relationships. (and no, he doesn’t really want to punch you in the jimmy).

@tmme5415

Жыл бұрын

What an encouraging testimony! My husband and I are still in the "I'm sending him videos & I don't know if he's bothered to watch or will ever show curiosity about my thoughts and feelings" stage. Praying we have a breakthrough.

@susannahwelch

Жыл бұрын

@@tmme5415 I’m praying that you have a breakthrough as well!! Keep watching these videos- even if it’s only you that’s watching. They helped me gain skills and confidence to approach some of our conflicts with a clearer, less hostile attitude. Not every day is a good day, and we all have things we have to unlearn and learn. I don’t know what the future holds, but I feel like I’m armed with healthy tools/skills that will help me keep going forward. Good luck on your journey 💜

@marinastant5249

6 ай бұрын

I just watched this with my boyfriend, translating everything into his native language. Not pure relationship bliss but it felt good for us to do this together and see if the path we walk down ends in a healthy and happy relationship rather than the alternative. Either way, I get to be in full responsibility of my life and decisions and that's a huge step in the right direction for me!!! So grateful for Jimmy and the way that he uses his story as a cautionary tale. I think this approach might really help me accept what he has to say. 😅 🎉❤

@sharlene44

5 ай бұрын

This is a beautiful story. Well done for not giving up, and for staying the course. Wishing you ongoing love and the deepening of your relationship ❤

@brendareed5050

3 ай бұрын

Wow, amazing.

Been in my relationship for four years and I’ve constantly made empty promises just to avoid conflict and now it’s to the point my partner doesn’t even bother telling me what the issue is and when they finally do, it’s all the things I’ve failed to do in my relationship. It’s probably too late to reconcile but I just discovered this channel and I’ve been watching these videos all day while I’m at work in hopes I can finally stop being so hardheaded and stop getting so defensive that my partner doesn’t give up on me

@Stacie0214

Ай бұрын

Don’t give up! Fight for your marriage even if you’re the only one fighting for a little while. It will be so worth it!!! Im praying for you and your spouse! 🙏❤️

I'm hurt one. I'd like to see a video about letting go of the hurt and allowing my partner to have all of me again.

@ceciliapramberg8760

Ай бұрын

Me too 😢😢

You will never get this from a narcissists. They are not people that change they don't care what they do to a partner

If you switch the genders, this is my marriage. But I’m beginning to think that there’s nothing I can do. Because I can’t always be the one giving and never receiving empathy.

@nickgerman

7 ай бұрын

Same here. I believe that's why a lot of us feel resentment towards gender stereotyping.

@MiketheNerdRanger

4 ай бұрын

If this persists, then that is a clear indication that only one of you is willing to fight for the marriage, and that maybe it's time for you to move on from them.

@Armchair-Investor

4 ай бұрын

Just get a divorce. People seem happier single. I can’t wait to get a divorce. I just want to be who I want to be. I am not interested in dealing with others emotions or the emotions that stir up within myself from dealing with marriage issues. Not worth it.

@JEVMWV1023

3 ай бұрын

Agreed

@Mamii363

3 ай бұрын

A lot of women don't realize they are doing this. I didn't. But I definitely saw myself in this video.

“Good people can still make bad spouses.” Ouch, my heart. I’ve tried so hard. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, watched videos like this one. “I need you to be more gentle,” and I try. And still she says “I’m scared to say anything because it will blow up.” I’ve come to more consistently recognize the lack of ownership... I’m asking questions about how do we develop conflict resolution skills, and self-regulate, and it’s taken as attack “you’re doing it wrong. There is something wrong with you,” Which leads to her feeling upset and so then we switch to her tears and feelings and me comforting. Then later she’s upset I still have “hang-ups” about us as we didn’t discuss or demonstrate regulation or conflict-resolution. She says she doesn’t address issues because she lets things go. I know there are things I let go too but there seem to be things that seem imperative to healthy relationships. I don’t see her as a manipulative person, yet I tend to feel manipulated…

@taleandclawrock2606

9 ай бұрын

That sounds very entangled. Perhaps journalling your conversations with her, including your feelings, and any follow up, might help you gain clarity and perceive patterns. If you are both struggling but both love each other, a couples therapist might help. Developing mutually agreed baseline for communication and conflict resolution is critical.

@oneofmany7051

7 ай бұрын

If I may, it sounds like she doesn't trust you yet. I think you may be getting ahead of yourself. Sounds like you have a lot of legwork to do before getting to conflict resolution. You have to meet her where she is at, not try to force her to meet you where you think you are. I see it has been several months since this post. I hope help was found!

@lupeters213

7 ай бұрын

She has a perfect conflict resolution: she cries, you comfort. And you are lying to her. She needs to listen to you, she needs to emotionally self regulate and she needs to have different conflict resolution that doesn't require you to mute all of your feelings and focus on hers. She HAS the problem you two can work on together. You need to make sure she listens and understands that she ISN'T the problem. You can try active listening techniques, but be ready to let her be hurt and cry. Stop making yourself small and hiding yourself by lie of omission of your feelings.

@Sharzad

6 ай бұрын

The very last sentence in your statement is gold. You don’t see her as manipulative, yet you feel manipulated. That is a very mature and fair realization. The next question is why you feel manipulated, if you recognize that she is not trying to manipulate you. One possible answer is that you are in a very common relationship dynamic of an avoidant-attachment style man who is with an anxious-attachment style woman. That is a very common way that two good people make bad spouses. You understanding hers and what helps and what sets her off, and her understanding yours can help a lot if that’s what’s going on.

@rujrav9235

Ай бұрын

I can relate and see myself in your writing. Though I have always found it is very hard to explain my troubled feeling...reading your comment makes me feel like I am not in this situation alone. Thank you.

I am a newlywed and I epically needed to hear this. 😢 I grew up in a household where dismissing feelings was as common as breathing. As a wife, I actually am the one to dismiss my husbands feelings because it feels painful to hear. I realize it is more painful to hurt him and than to feel temporarily uncomfortable! Thank you Jimmy.

My relationship is gone now, she’s gone but realizing relationship arguments are not about facts. Those arguments are actually about feelings and those are just as real as facts. Realizing that is devastating to realize I did it all wrong the entire time and that’s why I lost her.

@holisticmusicstudio

12 күн бұрын

Good on you for showing up to learn what we all need to learn. Sometimes the hard way but it will make the next round better. 💓

I hace been crying through the whole vid 😭😭😭😭😭 I didnt even know there would be a man in the world who understood this 🥺🥺🥺🥺 I’ve felt so neglected and hurt this is actually beautiful to listen to ❤ I feel much more understood now

@JimmyonRelationships

11 ай бұрын

💙

@BonnieMetKlyde

10 ай бұрын

*HUGS*

@cece9770

2 ай бұрын

Same girl. Same. I’ve been absolutely floored by the level of cognition this guy has around emotional intelligence. This one though… this exactly why EVERY single relationship I’ve ever been in has failed.

@ArtandKitchen_

27 күн бұрын

He learned it..

Jimmy, do you know what it means to a person who has spent their life accepting bread crumbs in relationships to hear your message? I will tell you! Finally, I can stop feeling ashamed and advocate for myself. I have a clear vision of what I would like my relationships to be like. I feel empowered and clear. Now I will do things differently. Thank you so much for being open and so articulate! You have changed my perspective, and I am deeply grateful. ❤

Been listening to this multiple times coz Im absolutely guilty of this. But I want to make it up with her and I'm willing to correct my mistakes because I want her to feel that I value her. Thanks for this video.

It’s not just in marriages!! Any relationship will benefit from any and all of this advice❤

@juliettailor1616

6 ай бұрын

Absolutely!

@sharlene44

5 ай бұрын

Absolutely true!! ❤

I feel halfway between hopeful I can repair the damage that I've done and mortally crushed by understanding how much pain I've caused her.

My girlfriend would often bring up her anxieties around cheating, and because I lead a very quiet and mellow life I would always dismiss these fears because in my mind I couldn’t be further from a cheater! But that doesn’t make her fears any less valid or important… instead of getting defensive and trying to use facts and receipts to prove my innocence I started to ask her what exactly made those thoughts occur and why she would think them, and from there it was much easier to explain my perspectives and ultimately assure her of how absurd the claims were to ME, while acknowledging how real they are for her.

Every argument sadly is remembered how it was handled and can keep you from saying how you feel out of fear they won't care. Always express each argument you care ❤

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

So true!

Few months ago I watched this thinking I’m the one being misunderstood and mistreated…I’ve been in the victim mindset the whole time…I don’t say he didn’t do anything bad but I’ve always talked about myself, never saw him and the things he told me. We wanted to separate and I’ve initiated it. We both had time to heal or understand ourselves and this video feels different now. I’ve been prideful and ignorant thinking it’s all about me but I love him. I don’t want to separate and he also said the same. We are back together ❤️ married young and hopefully stay till we are old

This isn't about rolling over and taking a beating, this is about understanding that women process out loud, whereas typically men process internally. So sometimes when I've got issue with my husband I need to say right away... " I need to process whatever just happened out loud. Is this a good time for you to hear me out?" I don't say I have a problem with YOU, but I might say that I have a problem with something that happened or a particular behavior. I've had terrible tendency in burying things too long instead of addressing them right away. When I'm ready to tell him about the problem that I'm having and I can see that he is listening I also tell him I don't need you to fix this problem necessarily. I need to figure out why this stung or ticked me off.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

I love this so much!

@karenpigage2818

9 ай бұрын

Excellent comment. I believe men are hardwired into believing they need to fix whatever we discuss. Many times we just need someone to listen.

@paramaduits558

8 ай бұрын

@JimmyonRelationships Jimmy, could you elaborate on the point that men in general are more hard wired to be wanting to solve "the problem", whereas most women just want to be heard, want to feel taken serious, want to feel safe. Personally I think men are hardwired like that but also in many cases it's the lack, on both sides, of EI (emotional intelligence), the lack of knowing our boundaries, what these entail, how to set them and to maintain them. Currently I'm reading and working my way through a book by Terri Cole - Boundary Boss. It helps me a lot to get more insight in these matters. Made me aware how my lack of understanding these things has "contaminated" my marriage, my relationship with my kids and other people at large. Some of it is very confronting and not easy to come to terms with. Especially in regards to our 32 years of marriage and the effect certain ways we've gone about stuff has had on our kids. But I strongly believe that 'if you knew better you would have done better' and hence it's never too late to start not only intending to do better but actually walking the talk. There's a lot of crap to be found on the internet, however I'm very grateful to the Lord for channels like yours. Thank you for sharing 🙏

@andrealynetta3733

8 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for sharing and this has really helped me 🙏🏾

Omg I can't imagine if I said, "Tell me more how that made you feel" to my partner. he would never go for that or admit he feels anything.

@nollid006

3 ай бұрын

Stop weaponizing his feelings against him and you might be surprised with all the emotions he has. One problem might be that you haven't weaponized his emotions, but someone from his past, maybe even his mom, did. Here's an interesting perspective on the matter: kzread.infofbFYhoLaeKc?si=8Tv5FfmMb_hSse0d

This was good. Good for both sides of the relationship. Wife and husband. May me and mine can get to this point

Just the act of listening to this video and knowing that there are men out there who understand what we as women go through is healing in itself. Thank you, Jimmy

This is something that should have been to taught in school! I’m 5yrs into my marriage and I have destroyed it! My spouse is done with me!!! I’m trying to do the walk and practice all these, she had a lot of anger towards me.

@vivianworden2706

7 ай бұрын

It should have been a standard of behavior. School is the reason for a lot of communication issues.

Wow! This is so wholesome. Throughout your video, I felt like you were talking to me. I was in tears when I started your video but unlike other videos, I felt relief through the video because I felt heard and understood. I can’t send this to my husband now because he’d misunderstand this as me trying to blame him so I’ve saved this video for later. Thank you so much for all this knowledge and wisdom. God bless you♥️

Jimmy, my partner doesn’t like listening to other relationship vdos, but he loves yours and will actually take the time to watch from end to end. Thank you for being so clear, on target, relevant and funny. Keep them coming. Grateful for you!

I wish I could tell her how sorry I am. It wasn't entirely my fault that I lost that amazing woman, but it sure 90% was.

I just wrote a song about this. 🎶🎵 This 100% is true! This is the reason my marriage ended. I hope his new wife is heard, understood, and valued! Your channel is heard, understood, and valuable!!❤

When he says, we're a team, it's us against the world. That's it. 😍🙏🏻❤

@kondwira367

5 ай бұрын

I like thinking of a relationship as a team. But I am against the motto "it is us against the world", it can be a sign of a toxic symbiosis, feeling that all others are enemies. So please not "against" anyone. We are okay, but the others are also okay.

I'm really impressed. This guy gets it. This is what both men and women need to know about conducting a marriage so it lasts. I definitely want to hear more.

My wife is to the point where her perspective is that separation is the way to go. I’m terrified of this. I’m afraid she’ll never come back.

@daisy9910

Жыл бұрын

Get counselling, and sort out what it is that makes her want to leave.

@itsgredslife9515

9 ай бұрын

I hope things work out for yall

@sjm8510

3 ай бұрын

Help her packing, let her go! NOW! She’s done with you.

@elainer2876

3 ай бұрын

Go to counseling, do the work , really do the work! If she sees real change with fruit of change over time, she may come back. If she doesn't, at least you will be healthy and whole in your responses in all your relationships in life.

I want friends who get this! I want to know and be influenced by people who live this out 💕... I'm fortunate to have a beautiful marriage but we feel so isolated and finding other couples to do life with that GET this is SO hard! I can find a lady or two (usually at a distance) but oh I need people who are ready to go all-in with friendships and business partnerships. It doesn't stop at marriage, it starts there.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Gosh, you and me both. Preaching the choir over here.

@taleandclawrock2606

9 ай бұрын

Yes! Me too.

I needed to hear this as a lady. Thank you. My partner and I split because we both weren’t ready at the time we met. We knew in the beginning but the drawing to each other was so strong we couldn’t stay away. After we split, I fully believed he was a narcissist and never loved me. I criticized him for not committing to me when we were dating even though 1. we agreed we both were completely unprepared or ready and 2. he has a child and couldn’t support her and I the way he wanted to. At the time, I couldn’t see all the love he had for me. I didn’t see that he was loving me the most he could with what he had. And I completely let him down on my end because I was self focused and in survival mode. I assumed so long as I gave him sex, socialized and kept my struggles to myself he’d have no reason to walk away. It knocked the wind right out of me when he finally said enough was enough. I admire him for doing it. We needed to grow and being in each other’s presence wasn’t the sunspot at that time.

@Armchair-Investor

4 ай бұрын

Good for you guys getting divorced. I want to divorce too.

"when you Win a fight.... the marriage Loses". 🎯🎯🎯 That was perfectly said. Everyone wants to win the fight but arnt aware on how much farther their partner feels in the relationship now.

One thing for the top of the list: STOP emotionally and sexually abusing your spouse first

@moniquehoudeOTE

2 ай бұрын

If this is YOUR list...then, congratulations on taking the first most important step! ✨️

OMG, I wrote that down! "Tell me more about how that made you feel." I want to try that with my husband!!

I explained this to my partner when he went for the not being good enough comment. I said, "Stop, we both understand that disrespectful or abusive behavior happens once and a while, and that doesn't make YOU an abusive person. It's an incident now and I'm addressing a behavior in this moment. It becomes a trait the more you do the hurtful behavior. Eventually, it becomes a pattern. Then it reflects on your personality because it happens more often then not. Then I'm criticizing you because you have become disrespectful, and that's when I walk." We both have people we have at arms length and those we'll never speak to again. "It's my responsibility to address a problem before you hurt me a hundred times."

I apparently hurt him while I feel not really heard….Not all the time but when we’re so busy/tired to sit down and have a conversation about something that is bothering us and then one of us will blow up in this pattern…the scariest part is that we don’t even raise our voices 😂

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

It's so hard to break out of those old patterns of conflict!! I know full well!

It's not only the man who doesn't accept responsibility for hurts in the marital relationship

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Very true. It’s always both peoples responsibility

@Stacie0214

Ай бұрын

Truth!

This made me cry 😢 As this is what I’ve been trying to help my partner UNDERSTAND since our problem arose 7yrs ago😔 I’ve sent him the video now so that maybe hearing it from another man may help him ‘get it’ As many have said in the comments already, men take offence when women tell them how they feel & it frustrates US women even more & leads to more toxicity & distance in the relationship😞I wish humans were taught how to communicate our feelings better to Each Other from early on as I believe there’d be relationships everywhere benefiting & being healthy rather that what seems to be world wide toxic relationships! Not just in marriages/partnerships but in ALL relationships with other humans, parents, friends, family, siblings etc etc. All relationships problems stem from poor communication. I’ve found after 50 yrs on planet earth😔 Thank YOU for such a GREAT video! ❤

@ragepig1059

2 ай бұрын

We're lied to in patriarchy. Men aren't built for communication and relationships. Sure it's possible, sure 2 or 1 percent of them can do it, but it's not natural and it's not a good deal for women to live in this paraidgm. No wonder they tell us we need to just make the relationships by ourself. They CANT do it. The community is women. Men are for one thing this is the truth...

My partner and I have been friends for over a decade and have just recently admitted our feelings for each other. I'm not willing to lose him over my pride or ego. So many of the things in this video I know I have done. Knowing I was hurting him without even realizing it is killing me. I had no idea how to start making up for it in a meaningful way. But I'm going to start here. Thank you so much.

This is real gold mate. Thanks for sharing this.

I loved this video. Very clear and on point. I like this longer format, too. I also second the commenter asking for you to include other relationships besides marriage. Really good contend and advice. Keep up the good work.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Thank you very much! Yes, you're right =)

@marinastant5249

6 ай бұрын

I definitely hear the need to be inclusive of all relationship types.. but I think as listeners, we can do the minimal work of substituting spouse for bf/gf or whatever the type is.. Jimmy is doing the incredible challenging work of communicating incredible relationship truth... and in the end he probably just has to pick a word to use.. spouse is easy enough to substitute with others. ❤

Love your content, Jimmy! My husband and I don’t handle conflict well - my question is, how do you regulate your own emotions so you can have a calm conversation and be vulnerable? I think we both struggle with that. I usually shut down and he usually blows up. I get so flooded that I can’t vulnerably express myself and he feels attacked if I express anything. And round and round we go….

@lacesspace

6 ай бұрын

Pause, don’t react. Try to become more cognitive of your feelings as they are happening so you can understand why they are happening and can collect your bearings. Look up how to better regulate your emotions. I have the Calm App on my phone to help me with my anxiety but it is helpful for calming down in general so you can think better. I hope this helps some. It is still a work In progress for me. 🫶

@samengelage3521

6 ай бұрын

Here are some tips from a guy who, while without a psychology degree, has done a crap-ton of work on himself over the years. For him: You can show him this btw. Practice regulating your anger. Introspection and self-reflection (You might have to look up what those mean to grasp them. I don'tknow how much work you've done on your state of mind) are going to be key. The key to reducing anger is to find out what makes you angry and to overcome it. Oftentimes people are more angry with themselves more than they are at others. This has often been the case for me as well. I was angry at my mother for a good few years, until I realized I was just angry at myself, and we have a pretty good relationship now. Not great, (I was pissed for a reason, it seems) but good. I actually learned what I know about anger from watching Zuko in Avatar: The last Airbender, as well as the hulk in various cartoons and movies. These two characters may be fictional, but they taught me alot about the consequences of anger, and how it can hurt those around me if I let it fly off the rails. It can cut deeply into people's hearts, leaving wounds that never truly heal. I'm lucky to have learned that lesson young so that I could avoid it in adulthood. Are you ready for the consequences that could come of you learning that lesson the hard way? For your sake and the sake of those you care about, learn to take ahold of your temper and control it. I know it's difficult, but everything worth doing is difficult, and if you really value your wife and your future with her, you'll do it. For her: making a conscious effort to create a conscious reason to stay present in the conversation could help. Try thinking of your wedding day, your vows and what you both said that day. Think of what those words mean to you. Use those words as an anchor to the conversation; whenever you feel yourself wanting to shut down, keep those vows in your thoughts and use that feeling to stay connected emotionally. It won't be easy (you're literally fighting your own habits, why would it be?), but with a strong enough intention, you can pull it off. Just focus on the intention behind the conversation and the power of your vows and you can get through it. Another thing: It can be hard to communicate with someone who has temper issues, but if you want this to work, then it might require being a bit more firm and laying down a firm line. If you shut down, he may back off. That said, it doesn't mean that anything changed. Your problems are still there. It may be difficult, and scary, but if you really want this then you'll need to muster up the strength to be firm. You have the courage within you to face him head on, you just need to dig deep down and find it. I mean, what else are you going to do? You can't turn away and disconnect yourself when things get tough or scary because then nothing will get done. Nothing will get better. Is that what you want? Well, if not, then find the strength within you to not shy away. Even if it's for those few moments, fight the urge and the comforting temptation to hide and move away. Face him head on with courage, and show him that you're willing to fight your hardest to keep the marriage going. Now before I go, I'll add one thing. Keep in mind, you could also be shutting down because he's not creating an emotionally safe environment for you to exist in. Though, I may be wrong and this is mainly a problem on your end. Also, if you face him and he still won't give in, then it may be time to call it quits. If you're both willing to give it a go, then it'll work out, but you *both* have to so the work necessary to do so.

@castalyhaddon8366

Ай бұрын

​@@samengelage3521 Lovely thoughtful response. My ex refused to do the work, so I left. Both people have to be committed to do the work. I also took responsibility for the monster I had created. I had done the work for years, thinking that would solve the problem. I had trained him to expect me to do all the work. (By work, I should explain, I grovelled. I took responsibility for all the problems, took action to resolve all problems, apologised for all issues and withheld what I really thought. Gottman, a relationship expert calls withholding one of the 4 behaviours that ruins relationships) It was a rude shock to him, and unfair, in hindsight, for me to ask him to do some work. He wanted it to stay the same, as it had many benefits for him. One downside, a loveless marriage, small detail! I also realised for him to do the work, first he had to have the self awareness to realise there was a problem. For men, I think self -awareness is really scary. You have to dig up old trauma (like you did with your relationship with your mum) and feel pain, and then there is release and freedom, but walking the darkness of your internal self, is a big deal for anyone, especially men who are taught to tough it out. My "wasband" lacked that self awareness. He held me in contempt, (because I grovelled) stonewalled (nothing I wanted was important) and there was no communication. Add this to me withholding and we have the 4 relationship ending behaviours. And so the relationship ended. The hardest thing is knowing whether to keep trying or when to walk away. After 30 years, I walked. I truly did not want to leave, but I could not stay. (Recommend the diagnostic book Too Good to Leave Too bad to stay). I have had several fantastic relationships since, and every man has taught me about myself, themselves and the world. I have grown to realise the problem wasn't me, and that has been fantastic. Good on you for doing the work, we need more men like you in the world, good on you for sharing so thoughtfully too. It does make a difference.

Sadly many will take this advice and turn it on their partner. Holding them to this standard while not meeting it themselves. Sadly in the past many relationships were like that. Where one person had all the emotional load while the other said "marriage is sacrifice". I hope those who see this work with their partner to apply this knowledge to both parties and grow as couple to be stronger and happier people.

I talked to women online and constantly turned my gfs words aginst her... I swear im going to change and thank you for your videos... they hurt to watch but i have to change

Thank you for these longer videos where you go more in depth.

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for saying that!!

For me, our 8+ yrs relationship ended. The best thing he did for our relationship was to leave. My home is happier and calm. This Doesn’t mean I’m heartbroken because I am. Even after 16 months later. I just started listening to KZread channel and subscribed. I see you also on tiktok. So far I love it 😍 thanks for being here. It’s helping me cope.

@flo25ja52

Жыл бұрын

I meant to say I am heartbroken 💔

@JimmyonRelationships

Жыл бұрын

@@flo25ja52 I'm sure. =( I'm so sorry, but I'm so glad you feel more at peace as well. Proud of you and how far you've come. You would also love Jillian Tureki, she's amazing, check her out =)

@flo25ja52

Жыл бұрын

@@JimmyonRelationships Thank You So Much! I like her too! Love it that you and her use your own life experiences. I have to learn about myself and make changes, I gotta admit that I have a lot to learn and do.

@Sabrina-yn7jm

6 ай бұрын

@jimmyonrelationships can you pls let me know therapists you would recommend?

This isn't just about marriage either. this is really about all relationships especially friendships and allowing that growth between one another and the challengss

This is one of the best relationship videos I have seen in a very long time. Thank you!! The best line in the whole thing... "Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?" Golden.

Nice to hear further insight into this, earlier just this year I started saying "You have to be more interested in making things right than being right."

Jimmy-you have a way of articulating things that feel so complex in such clear and easy terms. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that. I really needed to find you. Thank you.

Jimmy I feel so heard by you! I find myself coming to your videos after an argument with my partner just so I can emotionally feel heard. Kind of like faking a smile to release endorphins. I shared your videos with our therapist, his response, Jimmy nails it. If you could attempt to approach the hurt men feel and the shame that causes their defensiveness I would love it.. also if you have anything on how to possibly turn around the argument when he's not willing to hear that his assumption is wrong. That he thinks he understands what she's saying but it's likely projection.. to slow down enough to not jumping to the finish line before she's done explaining her hurt. Keep it up Jimmy you are making a difference.

This!! I believe most of your points are applicable to any relationships. I started watching you because of a hardship I was having with my best friend. Your videos have helped me to admit where I need change, to be humbled, to be vulnerable and open. Thank you for your wisdom. 🙏

What an absolute gem of a video. Ty. This was raw, incredibly honest and pointed. I have come to learn and still continue to learn that Honesty, humility and diligence is absolutely necessary in order to have a successful marriage. It’s human to make mistakes, it’s stupid not to do anything to correct them. Looking at ourselves, inside, is hard because when we see our own flaws it kinda of hurts, we feel so less than perfect which no one is. But the payoff is worth it. It’s work to be sure, but anything worthwhile is, especially our spouse. Come on men, let’s do this!!!

Thank you, Jimmy. You are amazing! This now is my pep talk for my upcoming conversation with my hubby of 20+ years. I feel less worried now. You are a gem! God bless you.

Wow, just wow! It's such a poignant and powerful message! I've never heard such truth expressed on how to have more intimacy and connection and a healthy relationship from an emotional perspective!❤ Jimmy, the world needs you so much! Thank you for sharing such wisdom🙏😌

Great insight and advice. Thank you for posting. I can say that I’ve tried so much to put aside the gut punch and tried to validate her position and say “I can see why you feel that way.” Have even apologized and agreed that I wasn’t being as supportive as I should be in that moment. Doesn’t matter, doesn’t sink in, doesn’t reach her. All of the good and supportive things I have done in her love language don’t matter in that moment, all the good washes away and gets nullified. I am labeled unsupportive because of one instance and it feels unrecoverable. It seems as she wants to do is emote at me. If I don’t recover exactly as she wants, it doesn’t matter. Feels like I am in a lose-lose even if I keep calm and do as much as I can to not escalate and to validate. If my actions don’t lead to any grace when I mess up, then why am I trying? If I try to recognize hurt even if unintentional, then why am I trying?

Jimmy, a lot of your videos are directed towards men, but I got to tell you that I’m really getting a lot out of this as a woman. I’m trying to make the changes that you’re saying by one small thing a week or apologizing when I’ve done something. I’m trying to self reflect. thank you for all your help everybody’s marriages. I don’t have a lot of hope that #MIN’s gonna get better but I’m gonna do what I can on my side so I can look myself in the mirror and grow.

I could have used this years ago. This is what my wife tried to explain to me for years and i never heard it.

Wish I found this a long time ago. My wife and I prided ourselves on rarely fighting. Now that we are on the verge of being over, I realize that had we fought and communicated more we wouldn’t have stuffed all our emotions away until we’re both so broken that the relationship is dead. The pain is unbearable. I love her with every fiber of my being but I was too stupid to realize how my actions and emotions about how she was treating me pushed her away.

Very on point, Jimmy. Thanks for sharing. Hopefully people watch, listen, and absorb this information to have more meaningful relationships.

A friend introduced me to this channel. Wow. I'm so glad I am actually listening. I can totally relate to jimmy. Its like he's talking about myself.

The huge asterisks are *UNLESS THEY ARE A NARCISSIST.

@DrPhilGoode

8 ай бұрын

First 5 minutes of the video and almost every sentence I heard, I thought…she (cov narc spouse) would absolutely love that approach or solution. 🚩🚩🚩🚩 If she likes ANYTHING…especially related to marriage, parenting, or communication, you can guarantee she sees value in it that will strengthen her narcissistic characteristics and enable her to abuse easier.

I hear that I hurt him when I leave the relationship (separation) and I try to explain that the only way I can save myself is to remove myself from the moment when I feel so awful being with him than without. By the time I get there, I have to get cold and uncaring to save myself.

@fwb777

9 ай бұрын

So many of us are feeling this way, it’s sad

Why do you not have millions of followers? You are pretty amazing and extremely on point!

This one *definitely* applies to both sides, and I plan on listening/watching to your other videos. I can admit I haven't been the greatest with some things. I need to do better so I can show better to my kids.

I don't know how I came across this video and I'm so grateful it landed in my lap! I boys and they both just got married this past year and both have called me with stories of frustration and feeling a little lost. Oh did I mention thar by the end of thevyear they both also had newborn babies?!!! Yup. One had twins a boy and girl and the other had a gorgeous baby girl! I'm certainly a proud Mimi but as a mom of 2 boys (men) now and a survivor of domestic violence when the oldest was only 3/4 yrs old, the heat was on! What have I done to prepare my boys to have a healthy and loving marriage themselves?? I modeled several things to them about how to treat friends, how to show compassion, how to be a gentleman on dates and the importance of HAVING a relationship based on trust and understanding but not HOW! This video taught me so much about basic ways to BUILD that trusting and understanding relationship. I sent it to them and also their wives because these are not reserved for men...sometimes it's the wives or both ( if good examples of conflict resolution hadn't been modeled for them growing up.) can need this kind of practical advice. And hopefully because both want the same thing....a loving and solid marriage where both people feel heard, understood and loved, this just might be nice to listen to together.❤monique

This is such valuable advice and not only for couples but for any family relationship. I wish I had been made aware of all this in my youth. Thank you Jimmy for sharing.

The Lord has blessed you with a gift for communication and wisdom because you humbled yourself. May God richly reward you and bless you, your wife and family!

Your videos have been saving my relationship, thank you so much for shedding some light in those feelings I couldn't put my finger on or I was avoiding without knowing.

I cannot express how healing these vids are. Thanks

I do agree with a lot of this. I also think conflict allows you to understand one anothers fighting style. If I get upset enough I like to walk away for a bit and go to our separate corners. He thought I was freezing him out and I explained that's not at all what I was doing. I was calming myself down and getting back to a rational state. I wanted think time to wrap my head around the issue and to have time to think about both perspectives. And then I like to come back and resolve. When emotions run high, people risk saying hurtful comments they don't mean. People get defensive. Walking away brings us back down and allows communication to be more productive. I also think it puts me into a place to understand his perspective. If he unintentionally hurt me, there is value in him understanding my perspective, but also value in my understanding his. If the behavior occurs again, I may be less sensitive because I understand he is not trying to hurt to me. He may become more aware when that behavior occurs. We may be able to better navigate it together. Conflict is a chance for growth and a chance to be stronger.

You are a great EFT contributor and educator! Thank you for your public service!

One of the best, most accurate messages on marriage I have ever heard.

this is probably the most helpful piece of information i’ve ever received, it’s so honest it even hurt a little 💔 thank you for this much loving energy and advice 💌

Trying to walk away and not having any resources to separate.

@valmuniz6222

Ай бұрын

Same- I keep telling myself that if I had the money I would be gone. But then I feel God telling me that’s why you don’t have the money - because you need to figure out how to work through it. It just makes no sense to me how to people, who are married can be this distant.

This is one of THE BEST videos in internet 👏 really well spoken, Jimmy!

All of this resonates so hard. My partner and I have been together for just over 5 years and never established a normal sex life due to his porn addiction. I don't know how or why I lasted this long. Because of this, we lack intimacy and I don't feel an emotional closeness to him. He gets uncomfortable and leaves or gives unsolicited advice if I have a bad day and want to talk, but if he needs to rant I am there to listen. If he's stressed at work he will close himself off in his office and physical contact disappears. I am left alone to take care of everything else while he 'deals' with his stress. We don't cuddle anymore. He doesn't like hugs. Emotions just make him uncomfortable in general. In front of people, he calls me his "better half". Everything I do seems to annoy or set him off at home. Conversations are on eggshells. I am becoming numb and think I'm ready to move on. I don't think he'll ever change.

@ragepig1059

2 ай бұрын

I'm scared pls leave

I’ve watched 100s of marriage videos. But this one is in the Top 3. Bravo. 👏

I'm struggling with some aspects of my relationship, and watching your videos has made me reflect on my own behavior. While I'm trying my best to be a supportive partner, I know I can always improve. I want to become the best partner I can be for him, because he truly deserves. Thank you for sharing all your advices

Thankyou Jimmy for articulating all this so well. You are shining a very needed light in this space. 🙏🏼

Thank you for the videos and tiktoks! My husband thanks to you finally understands where I'm coming from.

How can I like this video more times? I'm currently going through deep, troubling times and a shaky foundation to my relationship I am aware I am greatly responsible for. But I am oblivious to many of the ways in which I am causing this on a daily basis. So thank you. This video is direct, and clear, and purposeful. It helps. It really does.

I’m not in a relationship but I find myself watching this. I think it gives me hope that I could have a relationship.

I love your videos. They always validate my feelings and my decision to divorce. If he would have understood anything in this video we would have been married forever. My pain was/is overwhelming.

@VanessaSimon26

Ай бұрын

I hear you loud and clear. I was so neglected by him. 20 years of a sexless marriage.

#1 response I get if trying to bring anything up that hurt or made me or our kids feel unheard is “it takes two” and ears are on deaf before I even finished a sentence.

This should be video of the year!!! So many great nuggets of amazing advice… GEMS!!! Thank you for sharing this ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤