This was a really great video. I think there’s so much unhealthy behavior happening that we sometimes think it’s normal until it’s called out!

God bless for this video. So many will be freed from guilt & self-blame for falling victim to these toxic relationships. It is life-changing to understand how ADHD-ers are more vulnerable & why. Thank you 🥲

Wow! I just finally realized that's exactly what my sister had been doing to me for awhile! Even though I didn't exactly confront her with saying I knew that's what she was doing, once I was aware, I tried to stand up to it, starting with something as simple as trying to set boundaries! Then I got my younger sister to act as a mediator since she constantly turned things around and sure enough she got my other sister to turn against me too! They used my disability against me, no matter how much I tried to get them to have an actual conversation! I even begged for family therapy but was not able to get that before it got blown totally out of control! :( So though they "abandoned" me, which I'm dealing with and I know I'm better off without them, it still hurts that I "lost" them for absolutely no good reason! The good part is I learned how to NOT believe the gaslighting anymore! Luckily I did have good therapists and friends who supported me, but it's still very sad :(

@Ikr2025

Жыл бұрын

They often will somehow get others in the group to support them and gang up on the victim. It is a real risk when calling out their behaviour in a group setting.

My abusive narc parents got worse with age - stay away. They weaponize therapy, too, and they never apoologize or take accountability. Great advice! No contact is best.

This was very informative..Thank you!! After being estrangled from my sister for 10 yrs due to the toxicity on our relationship, reconnecting 2 yrs ago...now seeing toxic behavior as I did before. Limiting mu access.. have been used once more as before in past history. Can't do this again...letting go in a quiet way this time. No point kn trying to confront this with her. Have noticed the lack of emotional empathy. She has been in the padt in an emotionally abusive relationship. Plus our dysfunctional FOO. TWO TOUGH BLOWS. Trying to be sensative to those issues. But don't like to be gaslite and ignored. So moving forward and leaving this behind! Thanks for the insight.

This is AMAZING. So empowering and validating.

Yes, I was rejected everyday for 8 years. So glad that's over.

The content starts after 4:30, and I listened at 1.5 playback speed.

@alouise3557

Жыл бұрын

Yes, intro was WAAAAAY too long and no one would want to listen to it.

As always, great talk and such an important topic! It takes a lot of time to learn to identify toxic behavior, if you grew up with it. I want to put some attention on therapy since I've had many bad experiences. Maybe therapists did not intentionally express toxic behavior, but at some stage therapy often did go down that road. The idea of behavioral therapy is to change parts of your personality through change in behavior, at least that's what I've been told by my therapists. But you can't change having ADHD and it it so important to learn to know and accept who you are and how you are wired to be able to shape your life accordingly. If you tell a therapist you have problems with motivation i.e., the first thing often is, that you are supposed to understand this is bad for you and or you could do so much better with more discipline and motivation. Change starts with insight, right? But then, not being able to summon motivation will stay part of having ADHD. So the progress you make, especially if you don't know you have ADHD, is minimal. The therapist gets annoyed with you, cause why are you not putting in the work, cause if you did, there would be more progress. You start feeling guilt ...and we all know the spiral. So if you don't feel 100% save and seen, if its more about the method or the therapist than about you, I think its good thing to quit. I often went into therapy excited and motivated to finally get my life together and become a better person. Clicking with a therapist (under those circumstances) does not necessarily mean, it is a good match and it is not necessarily a good mindset for getting help.

As always thank you so much ADDitude and Dr. Sarkis!

Yes, such a needed topic. I had a partner who took advantage of the fact that I’m forgetful and disorganized, so that he could tell me a lot that i didn’t remember the situation correctly, that i was overly sensitive and jumping to conclusions, he blamed me a lot for his own negative behavior, called me untrustworthy, and it turned out that I was right the whole time and he was cheating on me! But I was very susceptible to his manipulation, because I already didn’t trust myself since I’ve had so many experiences of being corrected growing up. Healing has been difficult. I think my adhd symptoms make it hard for me to get over what happened to me. I’m trying tho! So glad you’re talking about this!

I have ADHD and have only been surrounded with healthy relationships. Very luck X

I have a friend who is a social worker & usually a v nice supportive person. But quite a few times when she is feeling stressed or grumpy the veil will come down and she does almost verge on abusive behaviour. She can become rude, verbally aggressive, domineering & disrespectful. Because its not a constant behaviour it catches me off guard and I don’t know how to respond. It makes me question whether I have interpreted her words accurately, or if I’ve been too sensitive, and it also makes me wonder who she really is. Whether the nice version is the true version or the other side. I also question it because I’ve been betrayed a few friends over time who show one side when they’re with me but eventually I see what their true colours are and they reveal how little they really think of me. I was too trusting of people when I was young. So I’m always second guessing about how genuine people are being. With my social worker friend when she has descended into some insulting comment I generally will withdraw from the conversation but I don’t call her out on it as I feel I should take time to process it and decide whether I am overreacting and what the best way to respond is. She almost invariably will then be the one that initiates contact again (sometimes quickly sometimes after a while) and acts very sweet & friendly but doesn’t bring up her previous behaviour, and we continue from that point. But I lose trust every time.

@DominionMovementDotOrg

Жыл бұрын

she might have compassion fatigue, but in any case, not able to be a friend

Thank you for doing this webinar. This has given me many more questions than answers.

@DiegoZee

Жыл бұрын

Is that a good thing?

My young adult child has bpd, and I was only dx'ed as an adult last year. I've been figuring out both over the last couple years. One thing I let my dd know recently was that I would no longer tolerate hearing certain things: "I don't have any problems communicating with other people," or "you never **let** me say anything" while she is constantly interrupting me (which is projection) because she does not want to hear what I have to say. And yes! This stonewalling behavior is what she has been doing the last few days.

I have adhd and im afraid im the toxic one. I think i love bomb people. I just get so excieted when someone actually wants to be my friend or date. I didnt know lovebomvijg was a thinh until my ex told me about it. I feel like since i dont know im doing it, how will i ever stop? It makes me afraid to love someone, cause maybe im just gonna be a burden to them and make them stressed. And when i feel like im screwing up. I feel like the only person who has ever reallu enjoyed my company was my mother. I know thats sad but she never shamed me, but i could tell when i was talking too much or sometime. I always talk too much. And i live in my head all the time. Maybe im a narcissist, which is even worse because that means i dont love anyone. But it feels like i do. I miss my ex but he is pretty much disgusted by me and thinks im immature - and i am. I started medication and its helped me to slow down and think more carefully but i still talk too much. (This post is probably too long.)

What if the ADHD person has all these traits? Is that just a projection?

Sorry to say but what IF the person with ADHD is toxic? It's not all nice to think that a person with ADHD will be the victim here and on the lookout for such relationships, but what if their 'disregulations' (anger outbursts, forgetfulness, laser-focus in the beginning then not (love bombing)) serve as a mask towards their own toxicity?

Is this an example of triangulation? Focus is 100% on splitting. "Born with bad chemistry." wow.

*5 minutes* of introduction and sponsors? ...do you *really* know what adhd is?