Have you ever gotten stuck on a fantasy?

@MegaCyberleader

2 жыл бұрын

no. They always end and Im in reality having to deal with things. That is why I did time in jail fighting the police over civil fortiture. I got 5 officers fired for theft. Yet I see officers "in the past" never held accountable for executing people in the streets, shooting them in the backs. Murdering people with no knock warrents ect.... So yeah id perfer fantasy. But the reality is that is never lasts.

@chris.version3.1.68

2 жыл бұрын

All. the. Time. 😅

@simovtransportmedia1137

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah possible romantic relationship, just like I expected. You touched me with this. The hardest part is when you fall into one-sided toxic relationship with an immature person. I was in such a relations with a 13-year teenage boy and as I look back I see that I was in a situation where my triggers ware constantley been pulled. How can an INFJ reject developing a potential in someone no matter how wrong things are going here and now? Tough question. In fact the more immaturity and lack of personal boundaries the other person shows after once he has ignited the spark of your famouse INFJ devotedness, the bigger your desire to help gets, till the moment it becomes obsession and then it's a matter of time for the things to fall apart. So that is why everyone has to have personal boundaries and everyone should walk away from people who lack them, especially the INFJ because that is a recipe for toxic relations and we cannot do anything to help such a person. I get sad even if I just think about this kind of people because I know how deep are their wounds, but because of that they are very well compencated and it's most likely for me to face their rejection. We have to draw the line from which we can't go beyond in order to save ourselfs in such a relations. From there beyond is a choice of the other person will he/she change him/her self or no and we can't do anything if everything ends here. It's sad, but that is the only way, you cannot help everyone.

@crystalhicks-rolon8391

2 жыл бұрын

After my divorce I got entangled in a toxic rebound relationship. Kept going back for years bc it was better then my current life. Full of adventure, fun but not healthy. It wasn't until I turned inward. Decided to stop this toxic loop. Made my life better, chose better relationships for myself that I was able to break that cycle. So this clip really hits home. He was also an INFJ. So you can imagine how hard it was to break this loop.

@cmtm5108

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you, this hits home HARD

At 29, finding out that I am a INFJ is currently the most important discovery of my life.

@derda1304

2 жыл бұрын

same here, roughly same age... it changes everything... it's crazy

@eaglejay

2 жыл бұрын

Me at 41

@gregoryyoung4604

Жыл бұрын

At 62...im with you!

@margohannah52

Жыл бұрын

same

We get stuck because the INFJ wants what’s best for those around them or themselves no matter the cost

@colonelgraff9198

2 жыл бұрын

@@tvnawmayn9320 not gonna lie but we are constantly looking for the ‘best angle’ and can’t let it go, even if it’s toxic.

I think it’s because we are so focused, we feel like we can achieve anything. Even the impossible! 😂

@Introvertedalpha

2 жыл бұрын

Love this!

@Jearl_Black

Жыл бұрын

But you can do the "impossible", oh I see now, you know that. At first I thought you were saying you did not believe it. (-:and also....question... pigs in pajamas, how did you get the pigs to put the pajamas on? I'm not being smart a$#, it's just that they have not got opposable thumbs and I'm trying to figure out how they got the pajamas on....lol.

I'm a INFJ and I'm sure fantasy is desire. Desire is toxic behaviour. To remove all toxic desire is to be happy. And in sure this lecture is not right too, trying to change a person's perception of there personality is to dictate to dominant people. I don't think she is a genuine INFJ personality. Ia true INFJ knows what and how to be imperfectly perfect why change it? All emotion is from the environment you live not your personality. Be who you are cherish this and promote your life with happiness and joy 🤗 😎 😇 😍

As an IFNJ... Yep, I've experienced this. And fairly recently. I still believe she's my twin flame, but I had to finally break the spell and realize, that she might be...But it was one=sided, and I needed to move on to something reciprocated and healthy. Now talking to an INFJ female, and I'm really enjoying myself so far. She seems very sweet, and I hope things progress. Reciprocation is the key to a healthy relationship. I ignored that red flag with the other one because I wanted things to work so badly because of how I felt about her. But now I'm no longer ignoring red flags, and watching for them. I think I've just never had a healthy relationship in my entire life...And looking back on that kind of bothers me. But I guess it's better late than never, to learn how to be non-toxic. And between your helpful videos, and her being so sweet and understanding, I think maybe things could go very well. I certainly do hope so. 🙂👍🏼

Yup. I am experiencing this very exact process right now. Thank you for the lesson, it is spot on. I gotta say, THANK GOD I have a much better paying position, because a life change really does need to be funded. I have never experienced success at an attempt of changing my life's circumstances without the ability to fund it. So, that's definitely a big help. But, that said, I did have to step out of my comfort zone and believe that I can learn new skills and not short change myself. Limiting beliefs fuels escapist fantasies: "life would be better on the road," "why try to fit in with society, life would be better off grid," "I can be wizard hermit in the wilderness," etc. At the end of the day, my compassion for family will win and keep me "here." So here, is where I have to make the changes. For me, I believe on a certain day the Spirit of God communicated with my spirit and instructed me to stick with my job, and if I would excel, He would exalt me. I stepped out on faith and, in spite very difficult circumstances at work, and impaired emotional health, and overall dificult life circumstances, (my life was in crisis mode), I put forth the effort to excel on my job. There were immediate results that convinced me that my spiritual ally was true, and I persevered. Fast forward three years later I am a supervisor and also had an unexpected wage increase! So, one very important take away from my story, is that we do indeed have to exercise patients, shoot for delayed gratification, build up to our goals, trust the process, express gratitude, and for those who are people of faith like myself, trust God, listen to the still small voice, and walk by faith not by sight.

Never knew other people had this problem as well. Never have voiced my struggle with this but it has been destroying my life because of needing escapism due to being depressed and not satisfied with my life… It’s the only joy in my life and I hate it…

@chamham6734

2 жыл бұрын

Wow glad I’m not the only one. Sometimes i feel guilty about it. But it’s not harming anyone so I continue.

@amymacaela6185

2 жыл бұрын

@@chamham6734 I think the hardest part of it is people not really understanding the “why”. I’ve tried explaining the reasons for “mind escapism” as I like to call it. I’ve always had an extremely vivid imagination since I was a child and for years had thought that people saw things the way I did. I could literally create an entire world in my mind and do anything I wanted to for hours on end, making people think I was odd and shy. In reality I just was bored of everyone else’s reality, so I created my own. It’s interesting how that’s all carried into my adult life and has been both positive but negative in many ways such as “making friends and enjoying normal activities.”

@danika9448

2 жыл бұрын

I just watched wezes video on “the naturally high infj”…🪷🧚‍♀️ I found it really helpful for this topic ☺️

@Jearl_Black

Жыл бұрын

I think some of the depression is because we live in a world where material possessions are so important to people but we can see that these things are NOTHING. It's like we are forced to live life in a huge lie, making it feel pointless. I hope you find your way out of the crappy feelings you are having )-: it took me into my mid 30's to realize that I needed at least a 24hr straight alone time a week, I must do this or oh boy.....lol. It helps at least. No phone contact, nothing. I could go years I'm sure but 24 hrs sure helps at least. I literally have not one person I can relate to enough to be my rock. I am my own rock and silly as that sounds.....I really am. I was looking for training videos for a particular transmission and told someone, well I'll make my own and I'll use that one to learn from, he laughed until I showed him.

Yes big problem even after rejection we can't stop loving that person for ages and hate ourselves for that It's a disaster.

In my young adult years I was very optimistic, meaning that I imagined that things I had little or no control over would turn out the way I wanted. Life's realities beat that out of me. I was left instead with a pragmatic self-confidence, meaning that I felt that I could indeed succeed at even hard things if it was within my control to do so. For things not in my control, I still hope and pray for the best, but I don't plan my future around it. It's like I have learned to reverse Plan A and Plan B. Plan A used to be the optimistic plan with the pragmatic plan B as back up. Now pragmatism is my Plan A, and I have optimistic Plan B for if things turn out better than that.

@Introvertedalpha

2 жыл бұрын

Appreciated hearing your insights.

@elizaveta2407

2 жыл бұрын

thanks for sharing that! That's great that you still have the optimistic plan in your sight not just the pragmatic one. 👍🏻 I've come to the similar point in my life and realized that it's crucial to still have hope, without it life seems really dull.

Thank you so much! I've always run into the problem of fantizing relationships with people and glorifying them in my mind with the hope of reality catching up.

This is painfully accurate.

This video hit harder than most! 😢 The struggle is real…I have to consciously control my mind to avoid getting lost in some “fantasy thinking” multiple times per day! This is easily the most informative channel I follow! Thank You for doing these videos! 😇

@kimmydiunicorn

2 жыл бұрын

Tell me about it. This was too real! She’s a Godsend to us INFJ’s

Funny..this is what I've been working on with myself deliberately, again, in the healing cycle I'm currently in these past couple of weeks. Thank you, Spirit. And Wenzes 🤣

Toxic fantasies: tell me about it! Their names were ... I've been working on it through reflection and self-healing. The outcome is that I am now surprisingly content in my own skin and happy with my own company.

Wenzes, thanks for your awesome content!! Can you please talk about how hard it is for INFJs to apply for jobs. The whole process is so traumatic, from gaslighting to being ignored, to sending resumes and cold emails to strangers with no guarantee of follow-up 🙈 How can INFJs survive and keep at it 😭😭😭

Thank you for posting this. I actually struggle with this a whole lot. Not just daydreaming about relationships, but also anything that I want to happen such as goals, life etc. It’s an awful, rude awakening when the opposite always happens. I feel stuck no matter what. I daydream, the opposite always happens. Like always. Seems like I’m jinxing myself. I wonder if other people have the same luck? I wish I knew the reason for this.😌💕

@bobby3003

2 жыл бұрын

This has been part of the human experience for millennia 😌 Many great INFJ thinkers have tried, successfully, to answer to your question: Marcus Aurelius, Epictetus, Arthur Schopenhauer, Lao Tzu, and Gautama Buddha

@ThePanjatani

2 жыл бұрын

I don't know we feel so disappointed inside that it menifests.

@7:00🎯🎯🎯 Yes i hv been stopping myself lately from creating these false love fantasies and emotional highs. I hate to stop them but i know it is for my own good!! Very difficult and painful--as Wenzes says--but doable.

I thought it was just meeee, and that I needed to stop before I got obsessed with it, because I knew I would somehow if I didn't control, long ago. And now I still struggle going back to them because my reality is often around toxic people, and those fantasies helped me feel better, it was like oh, there's still things that can make me happy. But now, if I don't have any work, say weekends, my time goes on for hours just thinking up scenarios and building a whole new world. And it's a crazy level of imagination, where I can have voices, replies and what not. It made me realise that it was going out of hand, and just creating more dissatisfaction and distaste with the reality, and I somehow needed to stop. Whew! I feel like I spoke too much XD

Even if my fantasies actually happen I still won’t be satisfied, even if everything happens the way I wanted I’ll still feel off and bad

@sonofhibbs4425

2 жыл бұрын

Yep. It can even be worse than imagined.

@kimberlybardin6949

2 жыл бұрын

I'm living my "dream" rn and I hate it 🤣

This is all just so true, I could write a novel on this about the things I wanted in my life that didn't come true. Years ago I came to the realisation that if you get 10% of what you yearn for out of life, you're doing well. Because the rest is in your head. Sad, true, fact. But it doesn't stop us trying. It's called hope!...Because it's all we have left.

I have found that writing songs about fantasy stories gives them a life of their own and takes them out of your mind. :)

"7:47 (If you don't...) to 8:27 (...actually happen) 8:44 (You have to...) to 8:54 (...changing that and) 12:03 (you will recognize...) to 12:11 (...like my life)"

In my experience, I didn't hear this talked about very much - even less about how to handle it. So believe me, I understood exactly where you were coming from because I had experienced this most of my childhood and it was at its strongest in my twenties and on into my thirties. In fact, this is why I began to read a lot of the self-help books in the first place. This topic wasn't discussed much, but the reading was definitely a step in the right direction, and I was able to address some other issues in the meantime. I liked it when you mentioned the pink-elephant-yellow-rabbit way of looking at life. I was doing that without realizing it. Of course, as I was beginning to develop my "own it" and "I-don't-let-it-stop-me" philosophies of life, the computer/internet phenoma were beginning to happen and it became easier to search for answers. When I chose a whole new social paradigm in 1996, that was probably my prime "yellow rabbit!" I've found a lot more yellow rabbits 🐇🐇 (although these are white) on the internet and in books. So even if the old tendencies remain, its easier for me to get ideas on how to control of my life that way. Maybe the process of the search can be one of the yellow rabbits! 🙂 😊

Everytime she says bored or Just not the reality you want is like a aha moment for me i thought i was alone but now i Know im not a victim im Just me im a World full of emotions and potencial

Omg the fantasies I obsess about is ridiculous. So true

Interesting, I am an ENTP, quite typically and longtermedly so, but from your video I come to understand that the main issue in my life in recent years is an INFJ issue. When we are wounded, when reality becomes too toxic, we, I, receded into a fantasy and my inner child is too wounded to get out of it, while externally continuing the quite lively ENTP life that seems to be rejected by my surroundings as toxic. While I think it isn't: people seem to say: we don't want you to be witty, interested, inspiring, we don't want you to succeed. Helpers as much as takers - coming from different points.

As a confused INFJ female this is Awkwardly relatable. Thanks for the kick up the butt 😊🤭

Have I ever gotten stuck on a fantasy? Yes. It occurred while I was in the military. It was a career move I was attempting to make happen in order to better myself. I kept trying to do this while the reality was before me that I was "locked in" and I had to stay in place and wasn't going anywhere else for a while. Yet, to no avail, I kept pushing to do this certain career move. When I realized, it was not going to happen, it was a huge disappointment to say the least and it was embarrassing as well. It took a little while to get past it, yet I did recover. I am currently where I wanted to be back then and have been there since 2012. I also have been building on my career along the way. It's been worth the wait.

Dear god, i have found your channel on exactly the right day. You have no idea how much i needed to hear these things. Watched 4, 5 videos already and Every. Single. One. resonates. Thanks a million.

Your INFJ channel is the best I’ve come across in giving effective information

I did it in the middle of watching this video 🙈

You have helped me sooooo much!!! Currently, mentally in this situation. I was fighting going into my comfort zone and avoiding reality. I would keep telling myself at first, stay out of your comfort zone. Get back to reality. Really started feeling overwhelmed and second guessing my thought of pushing through wanting to revert to the utopia I’ve been trying to build my in my mind.

Doing my best to write down what i am doing well at the job so i am more aware of my skills, increase the awareness of my skills so i can believe in myself and market these skills as a talent for better jobs.

Ok no more crawling into my mind young Missy.

I so much appreciate every word you say Wenzes , My life changed completely since I started listening to your videos . Many Thanks ❤

Appreciated the point about facing your reality and trying to improve it. Thanks for this video!

Damn! Wenzes knows me so well. 😅 Hits the target every time. 🎯🎯🎯

ugh hello ... best video to date . gonna pass this around.

Oh, Wenzes, you read my life with this one. It's a shame I didn't have this knowledge as a really young person. Fortunately, I've evolved beyond this loop now, but, yep, it was years.

Another great video!!! Thank u so much😭😭😭💔❤️

Very true, thanks !

Oh god I relate to this so much

Thank you for this.

This is probably theee most important video I’ve ever watched on KZread on any subject ever. I soooo needed this to break these cycles of obsession. Thank you so much! Your work is appreciated ❤️

This has been so helpful for me atm. Thank you so much 😊

very important topic thanks and so true...

Commenting bf i even watch the video!!😆Just now taking a closer look at this issue in myself for the past 15 minutes and here is your video!❤❤❤ This is why i hold myself back in career! Telling myself one thing but not sure if it is real!

THIS! This is exactly what I need right now! Super grateful to you for sharing this little tweak :)

this is very true

This is true

It's so true 😒

It took me close to 20 years!

This inspired me to watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty again

I am stuck having reoccurring dreams of a previous relationship from over 30 years ago. I was a very unhappy person at that time, but finally arrived at feeling good about myself. Why do these dreams plague me still?

😂😂 I wouldn’t last 5 minutes in your presence.

Hey Wenzes just recently discovered your channel and you have of great help in helping me understand myself so I was how do I get the 5pillars to INFJ epic life...how do I download it...pls answer...... Love from South Africa 😍 ❤ 💙 ♥

Me after watching the video: now I’ll start a deep two hour session fantasizing about how my life will be when I daydream less

I think we should make a community

here is the problems. The stuff I can do is no fantasy.. oh wait this is a fantasy..

Yeah correct, it’s not for me..

😔😔😔

Well if we know that reality is not going to give us what we have in our mind, why not keep dreaming? It gives us the "kick". Doesn't obtaining the desire give you a kick as well? But in reality, that desired thing or person is not as you imagined it? It feels impossible to convince myself that the thing I want in reality will make me feel better than the thing I have in my mind so why bother chasing something subpar?

@TheShocker924

2 жыл бұрын

If it’s not real in real life then it’s a lie man. That’s like saying Santa is real. Then later on we find out but still believe in him. Lying to urself is not good. It can cause u harm if ur life isn’t were u want it to be. If ur life is good and u can meet this person and hang out go do it.

@serban2139

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheShocker924 what if I know it's not real?

@puffyevergreens

2 жыл бұрын

Agreed agreed

@puffyevergreens

2 жыл бұрын

@@serban2139 right what if I like the fantasy for the fantasy. And am still content with my real life? Is it still bad?

@puffyevergreens

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheShocker924 ?

Let's burst some burbbles 🥰

@amyj.4992

Жыл бұрын

Lmfao, my mother told me "when I was working corporate jobs. I was princess who couldn't stand peas, but I was trying to work in pea soup factories and I couldn't figure out why things weren't working" 😂😂😂😂

@amyj.4992

Жыл бұрын

She said I was princess, trying to live like a commoner lmfao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@amyj.4992

Жыл бұрын

Good thing I'm ALSO and aquarius ♒ with a strong cut off game

lol...

Is it infj fonction or juste a phatologic person whith some deep wounds childhood resulting in this ……

Google, maladaptive daydreaming.