Oh hi. If you LOVE this - please support our work at ko-fi.com/larryandpaul - thanks!

@Phynne85

Жыл бұрын

Wow, and I thought our „Deutsche Bahn“ would be redicoulously shitty... I went by train 20 years ago from London to Manchester Central Station. I thought being back in 70ies in wagons only can be opened from outside (🤔🤔). Never ever again.

@eddymaddix1786

3 ай бұрын

Thumbnail of Branson but ... Virgin Trains ceased operating trains after 7 December 2019. The final Virgin Trains service was the 21:42 service from London Euston to Wolverhampton arriving at 23:45.

Pinpoint accurate. As a Dutchie living in the UK, I simply can't understand how the state of the country (not just the railways) still hasn't triggered a general uprising.

@taunteratwill1787

Жыл бұрын

As a government you can shoot UK citizens in the street for no reason at all, and if you're lucky the UK people will say "what a scandal". 😂

@elloco1996

Жыл бұрын

@@alphornbub5179 -- I think it's a combination of stupidity and ignorance. They've no idea how a democracy should work, all they know is the feudal system that's been in place for centuries.

@frannyp46

Жыл бұрын

Us Brits like to queue to complain.Not like those heated French!

@MervynPartin

Жыл бұрын

Just wait! I don't know how much longer our incompetent government can keep fooling the people.

@margaret3606

Жыл бұрын

I totally agree. I suppose they have to hit rock bottom first.

I literally spit my tea out laughing when you said 'prefer to travel by road? our trains do that too!!' 😂

@stephengraham1153

Жыл бұрын

Yep - I can confirm that my train operator provides a bus service when they cancel the train service. Kind of defeats the object.

@p4ck1t0

Жыл бұрын

🤣🤣

@danyoutube7491

7 ай бұрын

@@stephengraham1153 It might be more appropriate to run a regular bus service and, when a reliable, clean train with enough space for every passenger to sit down or at least not be squashed between a wall and another passenger finally comes along, run a replacement train service :)

@MattJohno2

2 ай бұрын

I remember when they cut out the middle man and put the body of a bus on a chassi of a train with all the bumpiness of a bus! They called 'em pacers.

I'm vegetarIan and I love a raw unpeeled onion with a bit of bread on my rail journeys, it stops my eyes watering from the prices and the privatisation instead.

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

Every cloud...

Why go from London to Edinburgh by train when it's cheaper to fly via Amsterdam, including a two-day stopover and still get there before the train ?

@susanhonegger9987

Жыл бұрын

UK country side looks amazing but there is a lot of fun going on in Amsterdam & it's beautiful too!

@MaximilianvonPinneberg

Жыл бұрын

But it only takes 4 hours 20 minutes by train. It is much quicker than any other method point to point and emits only 25% of the carbon emissions travelling by plane.

@restonikk

11 ай бұрын

And I thought our trains in Romania are slow :)

@razorwireclouds5708

8 ай бұрын

@@susanhonegger9987 delusional

@mowtow90

6 ай бұрын

I was a student in UK and that really got me. As a student I could get a bus ticket Nottingham-London for less then 2 pounds (2014-2015) on Megabuss. Ironicaly it was cheaper then the city buss in Nottingham which was 2.5 at the time. However when I checked for a train , i cound not get one for less then 40. Not only that , I flew East Middlans to Dublin and back for 30 Euro (Rayanair) and was still cheaper then the train to London....

"60% of our [...] onboard catering is available 40% of the time on 15% of our services..." 💯

I wish this was funny, but it's just downright accurate. It actually should be used to advertise the railways in the UK 😂

This is absolutely genius, so funny because it's nearly not entirely untrue. Heading back for a third watch. Oooh greedy!

Perfect. I especially loved the final killer line: ‘Mostly owned by - but obviously not run by - the Germans 😂👌

@andrewhotston983

7 ай бұрын

German trains are pretty crap, too, sadly.

@MysteriousFigure

6 ай бұрын

Ironically though, ask a German and they will tell you that Deutsche Bahn is a joke too, with trains magically being cancelled because someone didn't bother to pull them out of the repair yard, or being 30 minutes late and still "on time"

Example; a return ticket from Rome to Assisi (2hrs) £12. Ticket valid for 6 months on any train going that way. A single, one way ticket from Newcastle to Leeds (2hrs) £50. Ticket only valid on the 15:00 service that day (if you miss it, no refund, just buy another ticket).

"it's so good, we've barely changed a thing." Not true, we've ripped up nealy half of it. Reducing the ability to access vast amounts of the country by rail. Thanks Dr Beaching.

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

This is also true.

Just brilliant!! So painfully true though!

Flipping fantastic folks... Well done!!

Thanks Guys. Spot on, as always.

Hahahaha fantastically depressingly accurate

The excitement is building despite my expectations having been lowered.

"Isn't that just typically British? Just with our trains, and our sport, we were there first, and now we're the worst". -Jay Foreman

This is so painfully true! Forgot to add staff who don't give a fuck, though! I used to work in the rail industry and I can confirm that it's even worse behind the scenes.

@stephengraham1153

Жыл бұрын

It is actually worse! Three months ago I started organising a trip to France for mid-July 2023. I bought tickets for my return Eurostar, my return SNCF tickets and three sets of hotel accommodation. You know which one I couldn't book? Yep - my train from home to London. There was only one train at 8.00am available. All of the other times were blocked because of "possible" engineering work. So the website said, give us your email address and we'll let you know when tickets for other times become available. TWO MONTHS later I get an email saying "tickets available". What a joke. So three months ago I booked tickets on National Express. Price was £26.00 compared to £126.00 by train. My local station closes at 7pm Mondays to Fridays and is only open from 10am to 5pm on Sundays. So if I want to travel on a train service outside of these hours and I need to use the station toilets...tough sh*t. And now, in an effort to increase profits train stations in my region are shutting all of their ticket offices. Permanently. They say it's to release staff for customer service duties. But there won't be any customers to service if they continue on this track (excuse the pun). Turning people against trains is not a good strategy just before that infamous white elephant HS2 opens it's door to customers.

So painful to see this knowing I have no trains tomorrow to get to and from my concert. 🙈

Awake before noon? You animals 😂

@tamara3984

Жыл бұрын

Don't believe it. This was a timed upload. Lol

Absolutely spot-on as always!😂 Loved the bit about the environmental credentials to the sight of a diesel loco spewing out black exhaust plumes! Just one thing, though... surely the onion sandwich would be for the vegans,bas the vegetarians would also eat the cheese and onion one as well? Not that I'm nit-picking or owt. 😁

@obtuse1291

11 ай бұрын

Me too. Can totally understand why khan wants my polluting tiny 205 off the road. He wouldn't want to tackle the big bloody diesels would he? My 205 would have worn its pistons to metal dust before it matched a split second of that discharge, and, it can run anywhere in ULEZ at no charge as well. 😂

A brilliant Government information film about public transport today.

Beautifully savage as always

I cho cho choose not to travel by train 😂

@ronwhite8503

5 ай бұрын

Is that you, Ralph?

It's almost as if our main infrastructure is headed up by people who studied subjects related to their area of work. "Do you want to run a large UK institution? Come to Oxbridge to study history! A thorough going knowledge of the medieval era and lives of the lords peasantry will set you up to understand the sort of feudal backwater you'll be part of leading. You'll create networks of the old school tie brigade. Fast track options available! If you're descended from an actual Lord or Baron we'll cement you rightful place as a feudal, just as your ancestors intended it to be! Study history at Oxbrige, why look to the future when the past did it so much better! *T&C's apply occassional allowing of the lower orders to progress to maintain illusion of merit based society. Always snootily read the label*"

@EmmaBaird0504

Жыл бұрын

Genius...

@lonederanger2603

8 ай бұрын

Painfully true. The UK, a retarded conservative backwater, where time literally stands still, circa 1600 AD.

I went to London last September for the first rime in over a decade because there was a Jurassic World thing on I had to see. We went on something that was completely unironically called a bullet train. I'm a huge Japanophile, so I spent the hour and a half journey almost pissing myself laughing! It's as if they looked at the Shinkansen Kenji from Thomas and Friends and went, "Close enough.". And it's not like I wanted to travel from the station nearest me or anything, I found my trip much more enjoyable first driving the 20 minutes to Grantham, then doing the whole thing, in reverse, on the not unironically titled slow train back to Grantham and driving home from there. All for the low, low price of £45 each! I want to go to The Natural History Museum as they have a Titanosaurus fossil on display, but I'm not sure I can stand that journey again! It's probably sixty quid now and £20 to park in the station car park. 🙄

Brilliant and funny as always.

Shrek would love these trains.

There is one British railway run properly. That is my T-Gauge, 1/450 scale model railway layout. I'm proud of that, no train is ever late, they all run to schedule, and most have a fully stocked buffet car/restaurant. They are clean, spotless, and don't spout pollution in to the air we breathe. No vandalism, no graffiti, no soccer violence, no drunken weekend brawls, no pubs burnt down by drunk customers, no drive-by shootings, and there is even a little me in there, driving my disability scooter. It is a great world for "little me", unlike the great English hatred for the disabled.

Fun fact. 2:19 it's a qualcomm thin phone from 1995. The 1st 3G CDMA phone. EVER. I worked at Qualcomm 1998-2000 and 2003-2013. I still have my Thin Phone.

Too true to be funny, but it is so funny. Now I realise why I have driven 50% more miles in the last year instead of experiencing the scintillating adventure of a train journey from London to Birmingham with all its unexpected and unplanned excitement (that is if the trains are running at all).

Yeah, you're right screw the trains! I'm gonna travel with Collinair!

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

Can we interest you in a scratchcard?

Coffee up nose. Thank you.

Nailed it. 😂

I won't be traveling on UK trains, ever. I hate onions! 😂

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

A good reason to avoid them x

Just superb! I particularly enjoyed the sandwich packaging. Yes, I’m one of those that likes to read the small print. Excellent work chaps! 😂👏🏻👏🏻

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

You'll LOVE the falling train tickets then, if you look closely...

@Wavygravydressedinnavy

Жыл бұрын

I missed that announcement-thanks for bringing it to my attention. Where do I send the bill for cleaning tea out of my keyboard?! 😂

@kelvinheron3425

Жыл бұрын

@@larryandpaul Clungford to Twatt is an absolute bargain at £250.25!

You guys! 😂 😂

Hey thats not fair using 50021 starting up, shes been stood for a good few years!

@aureol40012

11 ай бұрын

You beat me to it!

As much as I liked this video I have to say I absolutely love taking the train and never had any bother with them either 😅

Amazing work! 👍

Brilliant

This is fantastic

I can confirm that my car is cheaper to drive into London, than travelling by train, *and I have to pay the ULEZ!*

Awesome! 56k modem! 😂😂😂😂 Insecure wireless 😂😂😂 2G network 😜🤪😅🤣😂 State of the art innit 😂🤣😂 🤪🙃 Love IT jokes 🤪👏👏

0:43 LMAO

Once again, bravo.

Ouch, very true. Why do we put up with it.

@stephengraham1153

Жыл бұрын

The French don't. When Macron increased the pension age to 64 the population let him know their anger. Some poor souls in the UK won't get their pensions until they are 68, and it will probably go higher and yet life expectancy is falling. Successive tory governments trample all over us and we do nothing.

@robertprice2148

Жыл бұрын

@@stephengraham1153 get out onto the streets brother, we all have a role to play.

Just brilliant.

Still prefer travelling by train rather than car.

@crowmob-yo6ry

3 ай бұрын

Tell that to the evil car-addicted American suburbanites who hate trains despite never having used one.

Superb vid!

@larryandpaul

Ай бұрын

Fanks! Please share! L&P x

Excellent as usual. Ta.

The last image reminds me a one way ticket to Pouldar ..

The Beeching Report, years of under investment and privatisation have worked wonders!! If only privatisation had worked as well as for the water industry. Take a train, look at the raw sewage in the waterways as you pass.

Those sandwiches look lovely.

LMFAO genius !

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

Thanks!

I enjoyed @1:59 "Why don't you choo-choo-choose..." :)

i work in the rail sector and this is hilarious :)

Painfully true!

💋..... STUNNING......👠

@larryandpaul

4 ай бұрын

Thank you - please share!

This is too funny

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

Thank you!

So true 😂 but so very sad 😞🌀

Too true.

This is Horrendously True!

we care so much about reliving our overcrowded railways that we'll even cancel the most important sections of our high-speed rail network. great long term thinking.

😂

I suggest that now Britain has done the Brexshit that you use this opportunity for stakeholder ownership before you inevitably rejoin the EU and they force you to liberalise (sell off capacity); which in the case or railways means NATIONALISATION!

@mikw1809

Жыл бұрын

Looks like the French managed to nationalise their energy companies to the delight of French energy consumers, and they managed it without a Frexshit

❤

Just sent to our fun work WhatsApp group that has degenerated into a channel of rail travel despair

😂😂

60% of the time it works every time.

Wait until you see Greece's railway

Have seen the state of Deutche Bahns timetable these days?? Shocking levels of cancellation and late trains. All the share dividend from UK train operations clearly not being used to improve the German network or pay the workers there. Someones pockets are bulging 😮

Can you tell me where we can sue you for misrepresentation on the 50021 clip please?

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

We counter sue!!!! (Also, what is a 50021?)

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

​@@larryandpaulDo your research. Instead of using stock images of railway locomotives, at least use something representativem Class 50s haven't been a thing for a long time. It's the blue and yellow thing with 50021 on it

@larryandpaul

6 ай бұрын

No, YOU do your research@@quantisedspace7047 .

As a postcard I had on my wall back in 1987 said “The UK does not have a transport policy, it has a roads policy” and those words remain just as true today. The thing is, Labour and Tories have no interest in a publicly owned national rail service - so we don’t get one. I love travelling by train, but they make it SO difficult to choose it as a rational option.

Privatisation FTW!.... not.

This legit made me sad.

@larryandpaul

8 ай бұрын

Sorreeee!

Living in Germany I would be careful for hoping the trains would be run by Germans.

If only this was satire

Not sure if I - as a German - missed out on something but I don´t get the part "owned but not run by the Germans". How much is owned by German investors incl. DB ??? On the other hand I´m not sure rails in Britain would be better off run by German rail operators (incl. DB) considering their generally poor performance in Germany. ... or maybe I just don´t have a clue how run down the system is in Britain, really.

@martineyles

11 ай бұрын

A fair number of our rail franchises have DB ownership, and you do sometimes see DB logos on locomotives etc.

@martinschmitz7461

11 ай бұрын

Yeah, the "but quite obviously not run by Germans" part makes no sense. The sandwich selection seems wider in the UK than in Germany and I'd be absolutely delighted to get maybe sometimes a connection to the Edge mobile cell services. Unless you mean that the announcements don't have that awkward accent...

@obtuse1291

11 ай бұрын

It's a back handed compliment to Germany. Wise enough to invest (own) in an industry under a british government that allows passengers to be ripped off at every turn, and yet not run as efficiently as a service as it could be run if run with the Germanic efficiency that Germany (the owner) is famous for. 😂 Getting bogged down in exactly what %ge is owned by Germany only spoils the gist of the joke.

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

I was confused by the 'obviously not run by Germans' thing' There is a YT channel run by liamcarps; in it, he frequently makes the point as to how crap German services (particularly the railways). Indeed, he has one clip of the central character amazed at a display board which shows 'on time' for everything - at London Paddington! For the railways not to be run by Germans is a compliment, not an insult! I have no doubt that DB trains are no better than UK ones.

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

​@@obtuse1291Yes, but the German railways ARE NOT EFFICIENT. That's the point The 'not run by Germans' was understood by me to mean 'well, at least we aren't as bad as the Germans', which is probably true, rail-wise.

So?? Am I the only person who watches these videos and begins to lose my grip on the satire and reality dividing line in my head ?

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

Sadly not!

@q.e.d.9112

11 ай бұрын

It’s called Poe’s law. It’s a feature of our conspiracy filled, pig ignorant, fact phobic, anti science, intolerant, self righteous and bigoted social space, where no idea is too preposterous that there won’t be those who propose it in all seriousness.

Don't _ever_ show this to AdamSomething. It would just be cruel.

@centurion262

Жыл бұрын

Haha he would have a stroke

I have to correct you: It obviously IS run by Germans. What you describe in the video sounds exactly like Deutsche Bahn. As I never have been to the UK I can't tell which is worse, but I can tell you that traveling by train in Germany is much worse than in our neighbouring countries.

@joshuaritchie3836

Жыл бұрын

​@@alphornbub5179British Rail was the most efficient railway in Europe and also costed the tax payer the least out of all European countries.

@joshuaritchie3836

Жыл бұрын

@@alphornbub5179 Yes, I have been to Switzerland.

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

Yes, it appears the 'not run by Germans' has backfired. The original intent behind that quip is completely lost on me.

Lol if you would only know how the train service Germany looks like. This could very well be a clip about the Deutsche Bahn 🥲

1:42 Real honest here, but for a train enthusiast that looks like pure heaven "T'IS HELLFIRE M'LORDZ" as we say

Great until the last sentence. It's definitely run by Germans. Trains in Germany are also late and unreliable. Not only that, but their infrastructure projects are also late and over budget (look up Berlin Brandenburg Airport).

@larryandpaul

11 ай бұрын

Yeah a few people have said this. Amazes us. Our experience (granted mainly in Munich) is of reliable quick trains that are quite cheap. Maybe we can say the joke is artistic license?!

Bit too soon for one about Wankpanzers?

Long live HS 1.5 the latest Tory legacy of failed infrastructure projects.

Well, if it was run by Germans, it would be A LOT WORSE.... the German railways are nothing but embarassing for a developed country. In return, my own vast experience with British rails is not too bad. Quite expensive, but generally alright.

Such a shame. When I combine all these stories (railway, NHS, teachers, post office, police, and many more) I can see one common source of the problem; low motivated workforce run by greedy, selfish and unpatriotic idiots.

@baronburch6702

Жыл бұрын

Actually the problem can be summed up in one four letter word. Tory. Tories sold it all for a song so that their party donors could shovel public funds into their private hands. And if you think Starmer would change anything your in cloud cuckoo land.

I think your rail system is better than what is in the US. Why must you compete with the US on the race to the pit of hell? It's like nationally skydiving without a parachute. We'll see what things look like when we hit the bottom. 😢

@paultasker7788

5 ай бұрын

It is. I went from New York to Miami by train and it took 30 hours! The train would move for about 5 minutes before stopping for 10 to allow people to have a smoking break

You two like complaining to much. Things arent always as bad as they seem, you should show some appreciation

@larryandpaul

Жыл бұрын

At the weekend, we couldn't swim in the local river because it's literally full of shit, and one swim could kill.

@jblev736

Жыл бұрын

Always critique when there is a problem. Once they know you will roll over they will keep deregulating and stepping all over you. It would be foolish to fall for that obvious outcome.

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

​@@larryandpaul'swimming in the river' is clutching at straws. Of course you can't swim in a bloody river; that's why we have swimming baths.

It's only funny when even partially true. And most of this is just completely untrue. The wifi for example, it would be funnier and more accurate to say, 'state of the art, modern wifi technology hardware, but run by operators that don't understand how its works, so passengers are left with an underfunded service.' And why not mention the strikes, 'overpaid staff want to get paid even more, not because they deserve it, but because if they don't, they will sulk and throw a tantrum until they do.'

@quantisedspace7047

6 ай бұрын

The WiFi thing is largely irrelevant anyway. Who cares about on-train WiFi, when cellular 5G/4Gbis readily available, on a train or not. I've rarely even attempted to use on-train WiFi, just using Mobile Data and have never noticed a dent in my bills. The rail companies would be better off renting land to the cellular companies. On-train WiFi is only really useful if you have a non-SIM tablet or are in a long tunnel section.

😂