I've lost 60 pounds in 4 months. Devastation and traumatized aren't strong enough words to describe this experience.

@rtklarsfeld

4 жыл бұрын

My heart breaks for you. I am 13 months past D-day, 10 months since my husband moved back home. We are married 41 yrs! unbeknownst to me he had moved in with his mistress and then filed for a divorce.. I also lost 60 pounds in the first several months ....could not breathe, eat, sleep. Wailed, curled up in a ball for months. After much turmoil, heartache, cruelty and agony, my husband chose to come home. I live on the AR sight, it is my salvation! I thank G-d for Samuel and Wayne! I have constant triggers, anxiety, tears, intrusive thoughts. Working on it in therapy... took several AR courses. My husband would like for me to pretend that his recent 2 yr affair never happened, ..and he had a 1 yr Affair 25 yrs ago... we are a work in progress. , I send him AR videos when I think he has the patience to hear them... things are slowly getting better, he is beginning to be more present and remorseful...I pray things are getting better for you!

@osagejane5578

3 жыл бұрын

25 pounds in 1 week...wft...this pain sucks.

@johntudisca5

3 жыл бұрын

You’re not alone. Down to 113lbs. 30yr old male

@MissesVp

3 жыл бұрын

Same. I lost 60 lbs and it still hurts since March 19, 2020.

@TheForeverLoveKD

3 жыл бұрын

@@johntudisca5 hope you are feeling better

I dream of a day where my boyfriend seeks out this information on his own instead of me feeling bad for bringing things up yet still sending him videos like this out of desperation to feel I’m worth caring about.

@carawalls1279

Жыл бұрын

This part!

@albertodeulofeu5277

6 ай бұрын

I look at this information on my own. And it doesn’t matter. She left and doesn’t wanna come back. I notice the women in these comments who have the same complaint as you, are still with their spouse

@bleumoonzombie

2 ай бұрын

felt

I only have 2 emotions anymore, sadness and rage

@bmcdonald7303

3 жыл бұрын

Same here. Rage when the unfaithful dismisses the betrayeds feelings. Sadness has been a constant since august 2020.

Acting out a fantasy in reality is real life. The consequences destroy real lives. Even if you work through it, your previous life is over in real life.

@tracygallagher6716

2 жыл бұрын

I agree .I'm morning the lose of the man I thought I knew .and my 21 year old relationship .

@jmcrjc6799

2 жыл бұрын

As a betrayed Husband, the same feelings hit me often

@infidelheretic923

5 ай бұрын

Well put.

Seriously, the trauma symptoms last much longer than 2 to 4 months.

@DoozDooz417

5 жыл бұрын

Off and on for 4 years... I’m a broken man.

@junesmom82

5 жыл бұрын

I agree. 1st time was in 2008. 2 more times since then. Now I feel like I'm a physcio freak because I can't seem to come back from this one. 💔😭

@dreamitloudnow1955

5 жыл бұрын

I could not agree with you more. It lasted for a strong 6 months for me. I still get flashbacks. But I'm getting better. I wish you well.

@esgravois

5 жыл бұрын

I'm 15 years in, after much therapy and 12 step partner support. I'm still dealing with traumatic memories. I'm much recovered, yet there are still things that haunt me and bring up a lot of pain. My spouse and I have remained together, so this affects my ability to trust and feel good about the relationship. I'm still working on it though.

@jeimycabrera6573

5 жыл бұрын

It's been a year for me. I'm still traumatized and triggered.

My children's father is doing a really good job at being accountable. We just got back together a few months ago and there's a lot of growth. For the most part we've been moving forward well but there's days when I get triggered by something I didn't even know would trigger me. I do my best to not ask anymore questions about the past because I know enough but sometimes it nags at me and I can't help but push and ask. He's been honest and I appreciate that so much because I know it's hard. I just want him to see this so he can understand that I do love him and just because I get triggered or upset doesn't mean I'm giving up or don't want to continue to fix the relationship. I just need honesty, support, reassurance and time ❤️

@shannonhascall-reyes3331

2 жыл бұрын

My husband ahas told me this, that he needs a lot of time, and for me to be as patient, accountable, loving and truthful as possible. I am finding out just how often I am untruthful in my everyday life, which I guess, sounds stupid, but never really realized until now. I never stopped to think about it! Like how stupid can I be to not make this realization.?? It makes me feel even worse.

@DadMoves

Жыл бұрын

100%

@jennalara6851

Жыл бұрын

Likewise. Whyyyyyy lie or omit stupid things, but we do.

@MaryWIlliams-ie4qp

10 ай бұрын

@@shannonhascall-reyes3331 am an unfaithful wife. I really wish I can talk to another woman that has done this.

@user-ex3mx7hk4l

6 ай бұрын

@@shannonhascall-reyes3331 You can’t carry on an adulterous relationship without lying. Over time lying becomes second nature. Upon discovery, I didn’t tell my man I knew he was cheating and instead closely observed his behavior and took mental notes as I tried to figure out exactly who the heck this person really was. I would blame myself for being stupid and not knowing when he lied for SO long. But as I silently observed there were days he would lie straight to my face without blinking or giving himself away at ALL. For a ‘nice’ guy that SO many people trusted, being able to have lies roll of his tongue without a pause or the slightest flinch was shocking. An FBI profiler had nothing on this guy. It was then I knew I could stop blaming myself for not seeing it. If you lie for long enough it becomes normalized. It turns out he lied to me, the A.P.. his relatives and even his employer on a regular basis. It was a way of life. SICK.

I cry almost everyday for cheating on my spouse,it kills me and makes me imagine how much pain my spouse is going through. But,i am determined to be a better person and stay better,also help younger women not make the kind of mess i made.I thank God for making me come across these videos,they have been helpful.I pray God help my marriage during this healing process and take my guilt and shame away. God bless you.

YES! "IT'S ONLY RIDICULOUS IF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE!" EXACTLY! Thank you. You touched my soul, and brought me to tears of reality and healing ♡

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

glad you're here Carrie. Thanks for being a part of the community and for commenting.

@beckybunch8770

4 жыл бұрын

I am so scared I'll stay stuck with this pain. Im having trouble believing he loved me during the affair like he says. I found texts that end with ILY2YK. I LOVE YOU TOO YOU KNOW AND SAYING IT TO HER AFTER HAVING SEX, BUT TELLING ME HE DIDN'T LOVE HER ,HE LOVED ME AND THOUGHT I WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE HIM. THAT WAS HIS STORY OR JUSTIFICATION FOR THE AFFAIR. IT WASNT TRUE

@evandegenfelder4554

9 ай бұрын

@@beckybunch8770 I have just seen this video and it really REALLY touches me. I had trouble with trust LONG before I found out about my husband's 30+ year devotion to porn. Now, (trust, for me)it's non existent. I'm sorry for you and I know how much pain you're in. I hope that things have improved since you wrote this.

I see mostly betrayed spouses here (in the comments section) but very little of the wayward spouses. I don't mean to be negative but its just an observation I can't avoid seeing.

@user-ex3mx7hk4l

6 ай бұрын

Unfortunately our unresolved pain hurts US a lot more than it does the cheater. To me it seems they would much rather just go on with life as if it never happened. It often makes them feel shame to be reminded of what they did. But they OWE us recompense. I GUARANTEE you the pain they feel is NOTHING compared to what they did to us. This is evidenced by the fact that we don’t see many cheaters who are losing sleep or losing weight due to the trauma. The pain they caused us is usually MUCH WORSE than the discomfort they feel from their shame. The cheaters should be trying to help us heal but sadly often WE are left trying to repair the damage of what THEY caused because they can’t face themselves. They are too cowardly to face it for long. GROW the HECK UP! Put on the Big Boy Pants and find out how to help her. You OWE it to her after everything you did!! 💕

@lauradurkin2816

3 ай бұрын

@@user-ex3mx7hk4l I am the wayward spouse , I take total and complete responsibility and accountability for the awful thing I did to hurt my spouse . I recognize that I destroyed him , I recognize that you are hurting , I cannot speak for your wayward spouse but I have paid recompense I have atoned for what I have done and I DO lose sleep , The Shame is unending , unrelenting and even now 6 years later I still feel that shame everyday and everywhere I go . All of our family found out all of our friends , our church , our neighbors, so I face it daily and I get it and I assure you I do suffer and I accept that . I’m sorry you have not had help in healing , I pray that your wayward spouse recognizes the pain and makes amends

@ElimEx1

Ай бұрын

@@user-ex3mx7hk4l Sorry but you are SO wrong! The WS cannot help you at all. They can only provide a safe space for you to heal and nothing else. You are colateral damage in our problems unfortunately and you don't deserve to suffer but you have to do this on your own while we hold your hand for a while.

This is true. It's not about how trivial a mismatch in words vs reality is. It's the principle of honesty. As an unfaithful you've already shown that you are capable of being very dishonest and deceitful, so now it is imperative that you're honest and truthful as much as humanly possible so you can build that trust back.

Make sure Samantha knows how grateful I am for her. I’m sitting here thinking how grateful I am for what you do and how you do it Sam. Then I realize what Samantha had to endure what I’m suffering with in order that you could help so many people. These videos play on autoplay even until I fall asleep at night. You are the therapy for my PTSD. My husband is my trigger all day every day. So basically Samantha had to endure all the triggers caused by you so that you could eventually bring healing to so many others. That’s pretty awesome !

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

so kind of you. thank you for sharing such kind and encouraging words my friend.

@victorkroud8839

5 жыл бұрын

All day every day.

@Customhometheater510

2 жыл бұрын

I agree!

Being cheated on was traumatising enough. Staying with him just re-traumatised me every day that the relationship dragged on, despite him saying sorry and acting like he was the perfect guy afterwards. He was an incredibly good actor, but I think deep down I knew he would never 100% change and it was all a lie. He could lie so well that he convinced himself, that was the problem! When he said he was sorry, it meant nothing, it wouldn't happen again, etc I think he really believed that in the moment. He knew he 'should' believe that. Except he didn't. And years later he was still cheating with someone else. He was addicted to novelty and needed that in his life. I don't hate him now. I just wish I hadn't wasted all that time with him.

@DadMoves

Жыл бұрын

The disease and selfishness was still inside him. He's not ready to be married to ANYONE, and you deserve more as you try so desperately to heal. Hope you are now finally getting better.

I was so traumatized that I started losing my hair for 10 months. He was not the man I though he was

I have experienced a level of pain in my heart that to me resembles grief as if someone I loved has passed away tragically. Sometimes I feel like my heart is breaking and I can’t control it. Almost like if the heart was convulsing. My husband cheated on me with a woman 20 years younger than him while I was in Brazil caring for his mom. I am grateful for this ministry. We are currently in therapy, he meets with his mentor once a week and we both decided to not consume alcohol anymore. My husband was the one who confessed being unfaithful, and alcohol has been a gateway for him acting out. I am trusting God for the healing of our marriage and complete recovery from all the pain infidelity has brought us. 🙏🏻❤️

@rebeccaewilson2009

5 ай бұрын

The similarities to your atory are uncanny. I was also caregiving for my WH's mother which created such a complex cocktail of emotions. Alcohol was also the gateway for him. He has expressed such palpable remorse I end up feeling guilty for even being mad...its mentally and emotionally draining. Not sure where we stand now; it's imperative that I maintain distance so I can REALLY process how I feel. How are things going for you?

Samuel, can I add that... yes, it is a big deal to the betrayed spouse to hear any falsehood, however that isn’t what would cause the spiral ... when confronting my husband about a falsehood that he may have said, I know I could have talked through it with him , but it was his defensive and condemning way he tried to shame me about “questioning him” that caused the upset, and damage. Just wanted to clarify that, at least it has been that way with me, and it’s actually destroying any progress every time it happens.

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

great perspective my friend. i do believe the falsehood causes the spiral though, as it's part of what triggers the betrayed. the shaming only adds more salt to the wound and increases the pain and also reveals just how far from safety we are as unf. i'm sorry for the hurt you've been through. you sound courageous though.

@yelenadecious7692

5 жыл бұрын

I agree absolutely, it's the defensive attitude about being "questioned" that makes the biggest damage. My internet in the "questioning" is to work through the problems, the never ending little lies or omitment of some inconvenient information here and there are so painful, and have to be pointed out, I understand it's hard to be always scrutinized, but when you are cought right handed at yet another falsehood, the helpful thing would be to explain your thought process instead of throwing your hands up saying "sorry, just add it to the list of my failures"...

@seroiuslyseriously6309

5 жыл бұрын

GI GIL what ever did happen?

@hawktchr8

4 жыл бұрын

Sam absolutely covered this. Watch again.

I really needed to hear this today. Last night we had an episode where we were fine for days in a row and stumbled again into sadness and restarted the conversation of "why everything happened". It's only been 3 weeks and is been so tough but it is true that it gets easier. I can't wait to at least be 6 months down the line

@DadMoves

Жыл бұрын

You've got a long road ahead of you my friend. Seek counseling ASAP!

@monika1laskowska

Жыл бұрын

It doesn’t get easier, as above seek councelling for yourself and both as soon as possible. Don’t delay the trauma healing needed asap

Many times while talking to him I can see her face or hear her voice. I also dream the videos she made for him or what she wrote to him or he to her. It is a nightmare 24/7. I can divorce him but I will still hear, think, remember, and dream about the affair. I wish he would understand and care. Thanks for this video

@whatif2336

5 жыл бұрын

mariel pereyra how are you moving forward now?

@HonorMom

4 жыл бұрын

Or he is talking to me but I see him talking to her instead. Or he reaches for me but I see him reaching for her. I guess imaging him being with her not me. Night terror's but day and night. (2yrs in. He dropped her when caught.) I hate what he has done to us.

Sad many husband don’t see that! 😡 seriously, affair is the most destructive thing you do to a person!! ButGod can heal anyone, I pray all the time and day to forgive my husband but is so freaking hard!!! I feel lost, hurt, he stole my self steam, my nights of sleep!’ But I’ll recover!

@MsGrassland

2 жыл бұрын

Its been more than five years ....still praying for

@gunmetal2445

2 жыл бұрын

@@MsGrassland and Katie. Life is too short. Move on and be happy by your self. I pray you will find someone else more deserving of you.

I think I have ptsd from this. He could never comprehend this pain. I can't even comprehend it. I'm so consumed by this I scare myself. It's been a week and every single thing he has done has been rubbing salt in the wound. Because it's only been for his comfort. Why should I be comforting and taking care of him? I can't take care of myself and I'm struggling being around my kids. I opened my heart and told him a few things I want him to do. He won't. Because he can't put me 1st. Never has and I doubt he ever will

@cognitiveimpact5929

4 жыл бұрын

I understand and I'm so sorry you're going thru this. It's like he is compelled to crush me to dust. It's been 5 months since discovery and he keeps hurting me and blame shifting, deflecting, gaslighting, and lying. I haven't been a priority since just before my daughter was born in April 2002. I grew up in a violently abusive household and later ended up in foster care. I have been diagnosed with C PTSD and it's like he goes for the jugular everytime. We've been together 22 years he cheated with a child just a few years older than our 17 year old... 24. I'm also going thru menopause and can't do hormone therapy because of an autoimmune disease I was born with. They day he started his affair I went to him and said I was lonely and I needed him. I don't think I can go thru anymore. I am trapped and alone.

@kimberlymarie6978

3 жыл бұрын

I see you wrote this a year ago...its week one for me and i feel everything you wrote to a t. Please tell me it gets better ...ugh

Absolutely! There is no time frame in how a persons heart and mind heals.

The cheating partner, usually doesn't care and will gaslight the faithful partner for misdeeds and even the reactions that stem from emotions from the cheating itself.

Thank you. Never thought I'd be watching this kind of videos... I was unfaithful to my husband and even though he doesn't want to try reconciliation, I still want to do everything I can to show him that I am truly remorseful (which he also doesn't believe no matter what I do), and that I'd give my life if I could to go back and never do what I did.

@CharlyInCharge1

4 жыл бұрын

MvdL Same here. You’re not alone. I’m an unfaithful female and I feel the exact same way and he’s doing the same thing. Its extremely painful for us too.

@krystalivery45

4 жыл бұрын

Has anything changed on his end? Have you guys reconciled? My fiance said the same thing. I cheated 2 months ago and God it was the worst thing I've ever done. I hate myself for it.

@lucyfannn7863

4 жыл бұрын

I hate to say this but, men don't reconcile as much as women. I'm the betrayed wife and I have decided to reconcile. Had the roles reversed and I am sure my husband would've divorced me without a second thought. Makes me think us betrayed wives shouldn't reconcile.

@shannonhascall-reyes3331

2 жыл бұрын

You have stated what I feel now, 100%. It hurts for me to say, but I am the unfaithful one, 10 years ago, but I denied it for many years and only recently could finally admit it to him (even though he had suspected for years), but not without a lot of hurt. I am so ashamed of myself. That I even let it happen, that I chose to do that. I feel like an absolute piece of dirt. Lower than dirt. And I would do anything to make it up to him to know how much I love him, I would lay down my life. He threw a mirror in my face and I have been forced to be honest with myself over how much I "lie" small little things. I never realized it, even though that sounds stupid. 😔😖

@dpjacobs28

2 жыл бұрын

I am curious what goes through the mind of the unfaithful at the moment the infidelity takes place? What justification does the unfaithful use in that moment before the infidelity takes place. I am really trying to understand the thought process that allows it to happen. Just about everyone knows what they are about to do is wrong, but yet they decide to go through with it. I don’t know what the unfaithful are thinking knowing it’s going to hurt everyone involved.

It's been 8 years, i'm single now and i still have the trauma

This is probably the 6th or 7th video I've watched.. this guy is really something. He's done a lot of work.

Ugh so true, 15 months and it’s still out of control in my head.

I’ve said it plenty before and I’ll keep saying it, thank you so much Samuel, for all your help and support, for all of us. You and Samantha are our heroes♥️

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

means a ton my friend. thank you for the kind words.

@dreamitloudnow1955

5 жыл бұрын

I could not agree with you more. I don't know how I would have survived without these videos. Unless you go through this specific type of trauma, you would not know the depth and complexity of how it impacts the couple, especially the betrayed.

@michaelhanchar6407

Жыл бұрын

@@dreamitloudnow1955)

If they would only actually watch these videos and apply it to daily life it would really end my suffering, instead it’s prolonged.

Try 10, 20, 30 years. 10 years for me because there was a lot of stuff going on. I met other men and women who are 20 and 30 years with PTSD. What happened is we didn't let ourersevles process anything we just ket going on and pushed all the feelings down. Now 10 years later a trigger brought back things my mind pushed down deep and I'm having to figure out how to deal with this all over again.

@sarahalderman3126

2 жыл бұрын

Same here. It’s been going on for over 20 years at this point, in waves. First one thing, then 2-5 years and another then another few months another. It never ends there is always something else.

I was hoping you would have covered the importance of the unanswered questions which to me are the number one causes of the trauma

@dreamitloudnow1955

5 жыл бұрын

Thanks for mentioning that. The unanswered questions are a beast that not only triggers, but causes the betrayed to question everything.

@tracygallagher6716

2 жыл бұрын

And then being told they have no answers .. his councillor said to him . I am traumatised but so it he .. but We betrayed seem to get a double hit from this

Posttraumatic stress disorder, I've already had from events in my childhood and youth. Thought I'd never see that rough road again, but I'm back in the same road for a different reason. Infidelity. It's completely devastating. 😢😢😢

You mentioned being patient. I think this can also be asked of from the betrayed. The desperation, paralysis, and need to have ANY kind of peace after the trauma just can't be fixed in a week. The rawness of the reality can't resolve in a few days, particularly when you account for things like detox from the AP and all the other things an unfaithful has to work through too.

It’s been 2 weeks since I found out. My husband is still lying. He validated all her sexual claims in the messages. But claims they never did anything. Why can’t they just tell the truth. I am so sick to my stomach I

For me the betrayed, this was STRONGLY VALIDATING, a fashion of justice, a way Christ binds up wounds. After a few disasterous failures was able to convince my unfaithful spouse to consider this ESSENTIAL TOPIC. After viewing this video he also came into awareness of the TRUTH OF TRAUMA. He confessed and repented, then began to put LOVE into action as it should be. The body will physically draw in a sudden breath as if it were the first BREATH OF LIFE. Patience pays dividends, Lord help us be wise investors of your talents. To God be the glory, with thanks to the both of you Sams.

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

wow what a great email. thank you so much for the encouragement and for posting.

4 months!! No so much longer. Maybe it’s I kept getting traumatized over and over months later he was still communicating with her

I hope my spouse listens to this also😉keep us in prayers

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

i certainly will. so glad you're here and thank you for watching.

@Webbgurl2000

6 жыл бұрын

Amen 🙏🏼 I’ll pray for you and you can keep us in prayer also🤗

I was the unfaithful one. After 7 years I thought it would be better. It isn’t. We’re still fighting this battle

Much longer then 4 months. It probably started to get worse at 4 months. I’m at 8 months and just beginning to heal.

I can’t believe how accurate this is 😭😭😭

I’ve been chasing lies for years and dealing with this exact thing just never had it spelled out for me, very good to hear, mind blown a bit! Thankyou for this video, pray for my ability to heal and forgive we don’t need another broken family! You know what I’m sayin

I’m a week in from finding out he cheated with a younger woman. He tries to talk to me but one minute I’m so angry I could hurt him and then the next I can’t stop crying!! Our anniversary is tomorrow and in no way do I want to celebrate. I feel completely devastated and he doesn’t know how to deal with this me. I had him watch a couple of videos this morning and he is finally going to give disclosure. I’m not sure how much I want to hear but I will listen as calmly as I can.

@esgravois

5 жыл бұрын

Please get some professional support! You're in crisis right now. He also needs help to do a disclosure in a way that wont harm you both. Your reactions right now are very normal. Please know that as crazy-making as this situation is now, it can and will get better. God bless you..

@glendatalamantes8106

5 жыл бұрын

I am in the same position as well. One min. I am fine. One minute I am hating me myself and him. :'(

@WillBlindYouWithLight

5 жыл бұрын

Sorry. The same happened to me the week before during and after 14th anniversary. WHY DO THEY CHOOSE THE ANNIVERSARY WEEK?!!!!! Mine even wanted to stay together..........

My betrayer tells me he will pray for me whenever I cry because of how sad I am. I pray for me but unlike him, I pray for us. Very sad because I want my kids to see their dad in a positive light, always.

Because I’m the ‘strong one’ it’s like he doesn’t even see me. He doesn’t see my pain at all. He doesn’t want to either. Because ‘it makes him feel worse’.. yeah he’s the victim

And then there is the more unusual situation like mine. I have been suffering from PTSD over my husband's betrayal for 8 yrs. Three years ago I became extremely ill. And, now I am probably terminally ill. Why so long..you may ask? Because even though my husband quit doing what he was doing..he has never addressed my needs..and ALWAYS and continuously repeats the wrong things to me over and over again.

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

very sorry budder. i hope you can find help and comfort for your journey somewhere.

@budderkupp1282

6 жыл бұрын

Overcoming Infidelity Thank you so much for your well wishes, and for thinking of me. Much appreciated.

@budderkupp1282

6 жыл бұрын

And..if anyone would like to know what the wrong things are that my husband repeats over and over..I will list a few..so maybe others can learn from it. Here they are: 1. Time to move on. 2. Can't you put the past in the past? 3. Do I do anything right? 4. Haven't you ever done anything wrong? 5. You're perfect, right? 6. I can't catch a break. 7. I must be a monster to you. 8. Give it up; I'm not doing anything wrong. 9. Why can't you just trust me? 10. Maybe I should shoot myself since I'm no good. My husband has never once just given me a down to Earth..from the heart..humble apology. It's all I have ever wanted. But..all I have gotten is him saying the wrong things to me for the past 8 years. So now, I'm tired and very ill.

@victorkroud8839

5 жыл бұрын

Budder: just reading your comment. 6 years for me- my spouse waiting for me to hurry up and forgive. Finally went to a counselor an was told that even though I might be Christian and not an advocate of divorce, (so was the counselor) , marriage doesn’t have rules and it’s time I asked the betrayer to find another place to live for a while. If we chose to live together again it will be because we both want it ( call it love?). In the mean time, it might cause the betrayer a little pain and inconvenience but that’s a good thing. I’ve given the betrayer 1 month to make alternative living plans. I’m hoping this will create healing. We should have done this a long time ago but I let the betrayer call the shots. Stupid mistake.

@clericduran

3 жыл бұрын

@@victorkroud8839 how did the different living arrangements work out?

Excellent video for both the unfaithful and the betrayed spouses. Thank you for sharing it.

Samuel and Samantha, u both must be such a wonderful couple. I can imagine how many times you both may have wanted to break off. Samantha is a beautiful human mind, accepting to go through this trauma. And you Sameul, it takes guts to come out and admit you have made a mistake and openly say it out and help people. Long live you both, truly an inspiration to many more generations to come. Hopefully me and my wife live this way, all I hear today is she wants to be alone and I shud let her go.

I am loving this Affair Recovery!!! It's been 2 yrs & 3 months since my parter cheated, he has had at least 2 emotional affairs since, and O how I wish that I knew about these Videos 2 yrs ago!!! I would like to say first, I haven't heard all of the videos yet, but after about 3 hours, I'm inspired to leave a comment. I have once felt like you are taking sides, and when you speak to "the betrayed" aka-Me, I am laying here saying YES I did that and I shouldn't have. The one thing I would like to add to this particular video, I feel I still have PTSD. I still have days, actually one a week that I feel helpless. My partner started cheating on me in December of that year and Jan. 14th my Mother passed away, and his affair continue until the End of May. I wish we had the funds to seek professional help, we just don't. But I'm excited to tell him about these videos!!!!! Thank You

@lisagoldy572

6 жыл бұрын

Ok lol, see I can't think Stright most days, it's been 1 year and 3 months 😜

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

so glad you're here. while money is tight, you can also apply for a scholarship to any of our online courses by going here: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request the courses are written by our team of professionals and personal survivors of infidelity, but ran by group leaders. you'll really love the courses as they will provide infidelity specific insight, but also a support team around you of other same sex survivors. hope it helps you. thanks for watching.

@mikeyswatergirl6695

4 жыл бұрын

Lisa Goldy I’m 4 years out and still have PTSD. Just went through 4 year D-Day. The most painful is remembering the me who had a day where the impossible happened. The day the sun didn’t come up. The day the world changed from predictable to terrifyingly randomly uncertain; a place where any unexpected crazy thing can happen. That’s the biggest trauma- that I can’t ever trust reality again.

I wish I'd found these sooner. I though I was just crazy.

Almost 2 years and I still suffer from that day

I’m having mood swings at such a higher/faster rate then I could imagine. Sometimes I don’t even feel it. I could be talking normally with my husband, having a good time and he’ll say one thing that’ll cause me to start spiraling. Making words connections in my mind, I start crying, he gets upset, I get defensive, he gets defensive, and it’s bc a mess…..it’s only been 3 weeks since D day so no one we’re early in, but it’s discouraging to both of us that I can’t get this under better control

@jeovelyn

Жыл бұрын

Are you still with your husband

@richellesmitley9107

Жыл бұрын

@@jeovelyn yes but we’re still learning and in recovery

How can you restore a marriage that was already restored for 5 years ? There was no issues , no fights, no loneliness and we went on date nights.. We served at church together went to bible study. I was completely blindsided.. Even NOW he don’t know the why!? His normal response “I didn’t do nothing it wasn’t me it was him” if this happened when there was no storm in our lives what guarantees me this will not happen ever again :-(

Omg that is exactly right ... I literally hunt for any possible lie he may have told & I will completely have this whole sex filled “lunch” in my head . I hate it but it’s like instinct that I can’t help it ! These videos help me see how my own actions.

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

so glad it helped.

@Webbgurl2000

6 жыл бұрын

This is called, “dumpster diving.” It’s a self protective stance that we can get into by default. It only intensifies the pain and doubles healing time🤕🤕🤕🤕 For the unfaithful, the opposite is “trickle truth.” Unfaithfuls use Trickle Truth as s self protective stance to keep their mates from knowing the whole truth because they are ashamed and fear their partners will leave them if they really know what the unfaithful person has done or is doing

Samuel, it's been 1 year, 3 months n 8 day's n no matter what I do the devastion n being traumatized isn't going away, not even going down even a little it's getting worse n worse every single day.......every single day I cry more than not, I just want this pain to stop.......I'm in tears doing this comment cause the pain is unbelievably, this is the worst pain of my life, still can't sleep much, don't really want to eat much.........every since d day I have not been able to look in the mirror without crying cause all I see is the ugliest person on earth........😭 all I ask myself many times a day is "Why"?.......this isn't fair, I don't think this will ever go away 😭

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

i think you should consult a professional about seeing if you have ptsd which is a normal consequence of this level of betrayal. i would maybe look for a test online as well to see how traumatized you are. this is the test which will help you score your trauma level and then read about what your test says: traumadissociation.com/pcl5-ptsd i would highly suggest our harboring hope course for you as well: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope

@ozarurl8911

4 ай бұрын

How are you now?

Samuel your videos are so helpful. You sharing your experience is great and refreshing along with your wife. I found my wife was unfaithful and we are trying she is doing all the right things but this video really drives home how I feel with the smallest amount of deception or triggers which are specific to me and our situation. Thank you for what you do. Justin..

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

so glad i could help my friend.

I'm the betrayed. I'm traumatized. I have severe depression, bipolar, PTSD and anger issues. I have trust issues. How can the one who wrecked me help me? I hate him but love him at this time. Im a train wreck.

I hope you also have videos for coping up with the emotional affair resulting to a child. I've been struggling with this issues but grateful to God for having mentors leading me to the right direction.

I already have severe ptsd so adding this to the mix just made it so much worse with so many added triggers.

I agree!! This Trauma is no fun. I hate it so bad. This is me so much. I get triggered a lot.

@Bumbledora

Жыл бұрын

Me too. Triggered by a lot. It's awful.

Thank you for being there for those who also cause pain to their loved ones. It’s takes you, Samuel failing in your Relationship and causing Intense Pain to your loved ones to be the Best Version of yourself. God works in mysterious ways and one day you will know why he used you as an instrument to impact so many people lives who are suffering in their lives. God Be with you and your family Always.

this makes me sad. in a relationship, my girlfriend wouldn’t understand and i told her all these things and explained it as maturely as possible and informed her that like i’m trying to help myself and she’d just get irritated when i would get triggered. irritated when i was clingy and just anxious. it’s so tiring, i don’t believe in love anymore after just this constant cheating and lying from people. yes, she ended up lying to me about a lot.

Sam, you always know exactly how I’m feeling. Thank you so much for making these videos and growing from your experience. You have been so helpful.

Big up to you for sticking it out. My husband ran to his mama house.

@st940

5 жыл бұрын

I can relate. Why do they do this?

You on point everything I’ve been feeling and going through 😔 .

When my partner slept with our neighbor my whole life chnaged. Didn't eat or go outside. I'm glad after seeing this I don't feel like I'm being dramatic anymore n

Thanks Sam, really helps me to understand why things are happening as they are.

I am the unfaithful one. I regret it every single day. I regret what it did to my own soul, my integrity. Moreso or as much so i regret what it has done to my spouse. It's been 5 years since the infidelity and my wife is still traumatized to the point where she still may leave me to try and quit thinking about it. Honestly I am still traumatized as well. Knowing I did this, not understanding how i could be so evil, to the one I love more than anyone love I have ever loved. I spend most days feeling like a complete piece of sh$T. There is nothing i wouldn't give to go back in time and make better decisions . It may be too late, she may leave and I truly can't blame her no matter how faithful I am now.

I already suffered from CPTSD due to trauma from my childhood. Unfortunately, the unfair undid all the work I put into getting help and dealing with my trauma responses. He essentially made my CPTSD come back in full force, and it's worse than it was before. It's somehow more painful. It never goes away.

Thank you for giving me hope , no matter what plans god has for us!!!

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

if i can offer hope, i'm thrilled to be able to do so. take care my friend.

It’s been 19 years since my husband’s affair. We were separated for almost a year and got back together, went to counseling and have been happy ever since. I think it was the serious car accident my husband had recently that brought me back to square one ... the fear that he could have died and I really could have lost him has made me a wreck. I now find myself reliving his affair. Unfortunately not only am I tormenting me I am tormenting him with questions. With these questions I have found out a few more details and I find myself obsessing about them. I’m at a loss of why I’m putting us through this. PTSD? Why after so many years am I suffering? He has been nothing but a wonderful husband since we got back together. I’m so confused and I wish these terrible thoughts would go away.

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

hi there. could be ptsd or it could be unresolved anger and/or trauma or both. trauma is a painful thing. we get triggered and when stuff comes up, it's scary. i would find a professional you trust that you can talk to and have them assess you and see what the next steps are. if you need help finding one let me know. i'm so sorry but rest assured, this is a big bump in the road yet you can overcome and you'll be ok.

@JAKrga

3 жыл бұрын

Fortunately I have found a therapist to speak to. I actually saw her for the first time this week and I look forward to our next session. With our first visit she listened intently to my story and I am hopeful that with the next session she has a plan and path for me to get through this. In the meantime I have been pouring through all the videos and I do believe they have been helping immensely. I have even shared them with my husband. In the end I do know I will be OK I just really want to get past this rough spot.

I'm the betrayer my wife says she doesn't know who she is so how do I help her find herself while helping her heal

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

expert help is the answer my friend. you can find resources here that will help you both find clarity, healing and direction: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses

@WillBlindYouWithLight

5 жыл бұрын

Same here. Except I am the betrayed. Idk what to tell you. Space helps. Time alone helps. What doesnt help is when you dont want to open up and own every thing we want to ask about.

When an affair etc happened 9/10 years ago and the betrayed has ptsd and other problems and can't let go of past even after they say its ok let's move on but continues to bring it back over and over should they not seek professional help? Anyone reading this that knows me this is about a friend and I want to help.

@samshealingpodcast

2 жыл бұрын

yes, they need help and they need a true trauma specialist to help with the trauma they are dealing with. it's very normal.

Apart from hiring a PI and showing stone cold evidence, my spouse absolutely refuses to admit to any wrong doing even though we both know theres an elephant in the room. Ive tried to explain that i need to know from her so i can heal and not shame them or just prove myself right but it just doesnt work. I just want to have everything good and bad out in the open so we can have something special but she seems content to have a relationship like so many others with lies and infidelity scattered among the years but would stay together because maybe im good enough for that but not for true authenticity i just dont get how someone could live so hopeless

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

i'm sorry for the pain you're in and their selfishness...people justify it to themselves in order to keep living. they create a story they tell themselves to empower the dysfunction they are living with. i'm sorry you're caught in the middle.

@gthang8978

5 жыл бұрын

I’m in the same boat my friend! She just won’t admit anything! So frustrating even though I found evidence she still denies. I’m not sure I’ll ever find out. People tell me you don’t want to know but I feel I have to, to move on!

@WillBlindYouWithLight

5 жыл бұрын

Idk why but they NEVER want to talk about it. I earned early in life to own up to what I do good or bad. Because when I took the blame for doing something I didnt do so little sister didnt get whooped, I got 3 whoopings. One for lying. One for not telling on my sister . And another because I tried to cover for her. And then she would get whooped too. Why cant every one else in the world own up to their own bs. I feel I dont belong in this day and time.

@TY-yj2en

4 жыл бұрын

FOXTROT UNIFORM!!! I think i can answer that question, so many of us were born into familys where you just learn to hide things from an early age, you learn to lie, cheat and steal, just like you learned how to own up to your stuff from your parents lessons, unfortunately some of us including me have learned that doing just the opposite might get you further in life. I, as a 27 year old adult is learning how much better off youll be by just disclosing every and anything, and how people you do effect deserves that much from you so they can process and do with that information what they please. You are owed it, good luck!

Carrying the burden of a man who literally had an affair. Ex girlfriend with true obsessive issues succeeded at poisoning my marriage. From our honey moon return. I need help and I'm devastated.

What do you do when you as the betrayed are trying to heal when the unfaithful wants you to “get over it?” There is no talking about it, when it’s brought up this is the reaction. I would have an easier time getting through it if I were allowed to bring it up and talk. It’s also hard because he has been getting angry over other thing and the result is “just ending it”. This has happened 3 time, out of now where since we’ve decided to stay together. Don’t really know how to do this, I probably haven’t posted it correctly.

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

here's an article about what you're facing: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/why-couples-fail-after-an-affair-not-knowing-what-happened if you can't talk about it, you won't be able to heal my friend. would he do any recovery work with you? would he consider getting help from an outside source?

@WillBlindYouWithLight

5 жыл бұрын

Mine does and did the same. It hurts. Sucks. Let me know how you are doing.

His “fling” during the 7th year of our relationship with my 18 year old niece. D-day was 2 years later exposed by search warrant at my farm(he did not live here). Finding out there were simultaneous search warrants done at his Dad’s & his shop. Learned he was at sheriffs office & my autistic daughter was at CPS. I was scared to death in disbelief. Drove to cities to his Dad’s to confront him on what the++++ was going on. He confessed he had a fling with my niece. She had filed no Contact-order stating basically he sexually abused & assaulted her. So on top of this devastation to my life as I knew it, he was also facing criminal charges because of his affair with her which as it turns out was much more intense than the 4 months he originally claimed. We’re working on recovery. My greatest fear is this time right now maybe all the time we have together for remainder of our lives if he ends up found guilty. We are both retirement age life is so short. I already have complex trauma PTSD , this is nearly unbareable. In couples Counseling , my heart is broke. & my soul crushed. We married just 9months after she distanced herself from him. He intended to take this secret to his grave. I need help toward through these court cases (multiple charges in2 States &3 counties

Thank you yet again Samuel, helped me understand so much.

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

very welcome my friend. glad I could help.

What advice do you have if you're already divorced? Trying to bring it back but the truth is all out now

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

it does happen. people do forgive and remarry. it takes a delicate but strategic approach to do it. is your spouse open to getting any help at all?

Hi there, my husband has had an on off affair with the same woman for the last 5.5 years. He said a couple of days ago that it's now ended (I don't believe him though). He said that we can't talk about his affair partner and that I shouldn't mention her name at all. Is he right or is it best to talk things through? He said 100% that he doesn't want a 3rd party to help us!!!

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

that's unacceptable in my book. he shouldn't be able to control what healing looks like for you or the marriage. often times it's shame which compels an unfaithful spouse to make those sorts of demands. it's not healthy and it's not safe my friend. i'm so sorry

I cheated with someone I had seen 7 months prior to getting back with my spouse. I lied about it and was eventually caught. I am here for him emotionally and I get that much actions were toxic to my "fresh start". Now he is violently Expressing himself. At this point I dont know what to do. Guess just deal with it and accept everything. Thank you for the video. Totally makes sense.

My spouse cheated on me many times with Asian massage parlors and others. I m traumatized.

Id like to sit down and talk with you. Thanks for the video. Good work!

And then there's the ONE unfaithful who, for years, thinks D-day is not needed for a male spouse since she's the actual, true victim here.... Basically having been forced to profess her love to another man and accept his house key... And blaming the betrayed and feeling "abused" by his questions.

Married 44 yrs,divorced for almost 3yrs. I have so many questions that I asked at the time I was told of the infidelity, however he said he didn't want to hurt me more and he said "I don't know" to many questions. I seen to be stuck in my healing. We separated, I moved out of state, he refused counseling, he wanted to be roommates in our home. I could not do that. Due to not being able to sell counseling with him I was left to do it on my own. Lately, I think there have been certain triggers that are making me feel stuck in my healing process. I saw a counselor for a while but didn't feel I was truly moving forward with her. I want to ask my ex husband again about why, when, how long, etc but not sure if I should do that or just keep it go as I don't think he will ever share the information I need. I would appreciate any guidance on this issue. Thank you

I’m the betrayer and it’s been nearly 6 years since DDay , my husband and I are still healing , I take complete responsibility/ accountability for my actions . We have been through a similar program , have mentors and are currently in couple and individual counseling . The questions , the doubts still come up .I always answer the questions asked honestly but I fear , at what point is this not helpful to His ( my husband’s) healing ?

I like the fact that this isn't an entirely faith based series..

How does one handle the situation when they're both the unfaithful and the betrayed? I'm mentally and emotionally traumatized as the "betrayed" but I'm not as hurt as the "unfaithful". What is wrong with me? I'm having a hard time showing remorse or guilt for my actions but I feel paralyzed at what he did to me. Is this normal? What's wrong with me?

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

hi shauna. i would do the bootcamp found here: www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp but i would do it as one spouse being unfaithful, then flip it and do it with the other spouse being unfaithful. that way both of you are on both sides of the equation and are able to get help with what you both are feeling. it's a normal situation that we see, but you'll need expert help or the process breaks down significantly. if you both can utilize the program and flip sides, it will help. i would also suggest doing the ems weekend when and if you can as it will create safety for both of you to get the help you need on both sides. here is the weekend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-weekend sorry for the delay. i was out of town.

@shaunabee

6 жыл бұрын

Overcoming Infidelity Thank you for this!

@ITS_TAMA

4 жыл бұрын

Great question, what happens when u are both? What do u do?

I’m here because I betrayed my spouse in the worst possible way and she threw me out. I am an awful human being and I hate myself.

How am I supposed to help my husband heal while we are separated? He’s not open to meeting for even a coffee. Texting is sporadic. Calling is nonexistent. If we do happen to see each other, he does hug me and give me a kiss on my forehead and says I love you ok? before we part ways. Is there still hope? He’s 50/50 he says and has not committed to reconciliation or marriage counseling. Is he too hurt to reconcile?

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

maybe right now he is...what are you doing for your own healing? are you doing any work on your own? it's vital you do recovery work even if he's not engaging you at all.

I'm almost 2 yrs put and still have days like this

Yep and if he doesn’t have patience nor even trying to have patience what’s the point of continuing?

@samshealingpodcast

2 жыл бұрын

I get that....have you been able to get expert help? without that, he's not going to know how to navigate this. what sort of help have you utilized?

Im still dealing with my husbands triggers for 10 years now😢 pls pray for us

So awesome!!

If a man goes with a prostitute and claims to use a condom but doesn’t, in some states the prostitute can criminally and civilly get recourse because of the potential for pregnancy and disease. If the same man goes home in half an hour and has intercourse without a condom, the wife has no recourse. Divorce is no fault so no help there. Pregnancy outside the marriage will cost child support from community property. Address these issues. Adultery is a sin for a reason. An affair is a threesome where only two of the three are consenting.

Yup yet when you ask them they flip out and attack you for not trusting though they still lie

This is me. Glad to hear this is normal Even though it's so hard and hurts so much. Another up All night :(

Best video ever!

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

so glad it helped.

Good stuff!!

18 years is deadly; only interrupted by the son of 28 years OD x3 years, then returned in full force…gc

Can this kind of trauma happen from the discovery of Porn? Not a porn addiction but just a few instances?

@samshealingpodcast

6 жыл бұрын

it can sure. it depends on the state of mind of the betrayed. different betrayed spouses process pain differently.

@tonyawright1439

4 жыл бұрын

It absolutely can!

@Indomitable_Alykat

2 жыл бұрын

Defnitely. My partner turned out to be a porn addict so discovering that was Very traumatizing

What if there is a child from the affair?

I'm in UK, how do we find mentors to help us maintain accountability and keep us on track?