That's me, in a nutshell. I married a man 22 years my senior when I was only 4 years sober. I felt safe, loved and protected.. I ended up being his caretaker, homemaker, bread-winner. I became his roommate. When I experienced medical problems, he refused to acknowledge that I could get sick. I realized I was all alone in this marriage and had to leave. At 61 years old, I'm still a work in progress.

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Wow!! I have seen this pattern often. They care for you then expect it back and then some. Codependent under cover. Good for you for doing the work and setting yourself free ❤️

@meddreamer4573

4 ай бұрын

Heyyyy 🥹🥹😐😐😐 I'm 22 years old nd with so much childhood trauma along with father hood nd I feel I'm not able to relax my self because I m in a constant illusionary race that I need to work hard nd hard to heal my self because I m too old ,but after hearing your story, I m putting this on my wallpaper so that it can remind me to calm down nd give my self to relax in the moment nd get rid of all the illusionary burden of changing my self ,my life nd my family's life,so thank you so very much ❤❤❤

I have decided to become the parent that I never had to myself

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Amen….. this is the way

@Royalbloodline1990

Ай бұрын

Myself too. The first thing is to forgive my father. I shaved my head and it’s invoked many inner winds and purging and forgiveness

@opheliaravenlenore

24 күн бұрын

I decided that as well, and when my kid became a teen, turns out I gave them whole new and different issues. Feels like a failure, but at least kiddo communicates what I'm doing wrong....? It's so so hard when my brain tells me they have no clue what real trauma is to just listen and not defend myself. Made me realize we are all ( well, most of us anyway) are just trying our best to be better than our past, but are still fucking it up anyway.

I share all of your great teaching with my adult daughter I'm telling ya you are thee goat the way you put information together and teach as well as have compassion is unpassible❤❤

@CandacevanDell

Ай бұрын

Wow thank you so much for sharing my work and for saying such kind things. I really appreciate you!

I really need to heal my absent father wound. Throughout my childhood i basically felt like my father didn't care, the only important thing for him was alcohol. My mom had to work a lot and while she was at work i had to stay home with my drunken father. He was never abusive or anything, just not present and i was constantly worried about him like i had to be the adult in the house. He thought i wouldnt notice when he had drunk but i always did, cause i wasnt stupid. This went on until i turned 10 years old and me and my mom moved away. Still i had to come visit my father and i'd keep seeing that same behaviour from him. I've realized that i constantly attract partners that i have to take care of, not vice versa. Only now i've realized damn, all i want is a true father who loves me

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Yes, your role was to be the care taker to get any type of attention. But now it’s time to be the father and the mother to your own inner child 💜

Omg Candace. I have never had someone read me so well without evening knowing me. You described me to a T. I thought my father wound didn’t effect me that much.. now I see how much of a big part of my issues it is. 😢

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Yessssss

I had nooooooo idea. But boy does this information hit home. And somehow I missed it when you posted it a couple of weeks ago. But for me this week is the exact right moment to hear this. There's work to do. I'll be rewatching this video for as long as I need to. Thank you very much Candace

Wow God gave you a gift because your understanding is off the charts - you just described the issue I have in intimate relationships to a T. I’ll be looking into taking your paid courses because you have a gift and HP led me here for a reason.

Ouch and YES❤️❤️ i really feel this on a celluar level. Thank you as always for sharing ❤️

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Absolutely!

That part! I have had so many people tell me I’m too hard and I need to soften up. But I honestly do NOT trust anyone to do what needs to be done for me nor my children. I would love to be soft and trust someone, but my biggest fear in that is I actually do it and just as I thought, they let me down.

You are a gem, Candace!

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

So are you!!!

Candace you always move through the issues I am moving through, it's so synchronistic. Wonderful, thank you ❤xx

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

I just love that!!

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Love this!!!

My dad was rejected by a lot of people

Thank you❤️

A have a father who always showed love through food buying things , appriciating when i m not present,in front of others ,wanted good for me but never expressed love in childhood, we knew he cares through actions but words was like score good ,be something in life , but i have issue trusting men, have codependency , my issue wasnt severe with father but i have attracted this partners who would leave or chose others girls over me

Thank you so much for this video! So much of what you said resonates with me. So much of what you said made sense to me. Eye-opening, for sure. I understand so much more about why I chose the partner I did, unconsciously, over 40 years ago. More pieces have fit into the puzzle. Thank you so much again!

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

It’s all about self awareness for life mastery!!! You are doing awesom

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Oops *Awesome!

It is just crazyyy that because of all the people with issues we are traumatized!! I wonder how they feel inside. Are they enjoying themselves? Are they loving themselves? Cuz this ish is sickening!!

❤❤❤thank you for all you do ❤❤❤you are loved and needed you are love and teachings ❤❤❤🎉🎉

Learned about the Cindarella Conplex, thankss

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Amazing ✨🪄

Omg, this made me cry. I didn’t realize how badly I’ve been affected by this. Who is this lady!? I just surfed in here by accident and she hit on some deep points that hit a nerve! Where is that course!??? 😂😅

@CandacevanDell

5 ай бұрын

Hi love! Welcome to my channel ❤️. I believe the course I mention is either emotional rehab or shadow work. The I am worthy course is also a game changer but emotional rehab starts live with me this March!!

@rodrigodiaz5698

3 ай бұрын

Princess angel can dance...

Spot on.

@purplefinch29

2 ай бұрын

So accurate it’s scary

Omg true !!!!!

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

💛💛

My inner child never really had a daddy. He was 48 when I was born and ignored having a new baby. Especially because he disliked my mother. I never felt safe or protected. I remember having rage fits to get any attention. I feel I am carrying that into my adult relationships. I can't stand if any attention is given to anyone but me. But I also choose men that see how needy I am and I won't leave so they cheat. I feel unworthy of ever finding a pure love without all the baggage. So I just stay home alone to avoid more pain. And the circle goes round.

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

I’d love to help you with this! I can relate. As a child I also did the temper tantrums to get attention. It’s a smart coping mechanism if you think about it. But it’s time to mature that angry inner child right? We can do this by inner self validation. We can look at the anger and validate that it makes total sense how you felt. However we need to heal this part ourselves. If we still look to our partners to heal the child’s wounding we will be compromising our integrity and in the end feel awful. You deserve better!!!

@Wildasf1

5 ай бұрын

Same for me!! My dad was in his late 40s and he hates my mom and hajtes having a new baby , all things you said 😢

Ghosted comment. Carmen, I know someone you should go out with. You visited him today. Carnen is very beautiful and nice. And I like her.❤

Omg the lovebombing……yes. The more I watched the more I was like :o Called tf out

This is fabulous! The interplay between the mother wound and father wound finally makes sense to me. The mother wound perpetuates the father wound! Thanks Candace❤

Can you make a video on spiritual marriage such as should you be dating a few people or do you meet your spiritual soul mate without looking for them like dating needs. It’s a bit of an embarrassing topic for us who are healing and wanting/waiting to meet somebody.. I mean what if your wrong about waiting al this time and should instead be dating as many as you can

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

I feel it is what feels right to you. How do you feel intuitively when you date many? Does your integrity want you to date yourself until you call in your match? Some people need to see what’s out there, others don’t.

Father is the one that's supposed to provide safety oops I think most dads didn't get the memo or they got the wrong memo

😮 Cinderella complex

@CandacevanDell

3 ай бұрын

Yes ✨✨

@mcdowellt34

3 ай бұрын

Never heard of this, but it makes so much sense!!!

T.P.W. ❤❤❤

You’d be a good therapist.. I mean you could tell a lot about a guy from your knowledge on healing ❤

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

I am a spiritual coach for a living. Therapy but deeper.

ok my situation is different. I have an absent father but I took it on myself to take responsibility since I was young. I am totally and overly independent that I feel its an insult for a man to protect me, rather I want to protect the man. I am overly in my my masculine and am attracted to feminine men. I dont like manly men. I feel challenged in a losing fight.

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

This sounds very much like a power struggle to me. You are afraid of them over powering you because you do not trust that they can take care of you due to the fact you never had that and it is very uncertain. I would focus on building trust with the universe and self 💜💜

💛🙏

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

💛💛

Ummmm, I don’t ever remember meeting you but somehow you know me personally 😳. I don’t know how you read my whole life but Thank you for the help

@CandacevanDell

4 ай бұрын

Hahahaha I get it 🤍🙌🏻

Hey! You only have coaching programs? Tried contacting you on your website but wouldn’t let me proceed cuz I had a Swedish number

@CandacevanDell

25 күн бұрын

Put in your email and will be fine! Or email me candacevandell@gmail.com

Girllllllllll

I didn't hear a single suggestion on how to actually heal the wound in this video. It's just a very long description of the complexities

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

Sounds like this video isn’t for you!

@ericniedermeier357

8 ай бұрын

@@CandacevanDell I have dealt with a deep father wound most of my life. The video is a great description of the issue, but the title is "Healing absent father wound" Did I miss your suggestions on how to heal this wound? All I heard was a very generic "do your shadow work" I think it's fair for me to think there would be some tips on how to heal based on the title.

✨ 23 September ✨　❤️　😊

@Megan6772

9 ай бұрын

21st??

@CandacevanDell

8 ай бұрын

✨✨

"Fatherlessness" is a *euphemism* for *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* Because *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* is a result of poor *_primitive mating choices_* ♀ make. As long as the ♀ of the species are _free and equal_ to us, society will keep *decaying* until it *collapses* with this *SINGLE MOTHERHOOD* crisis. _Unwin also stated "In the past, too, the greatest energy has been displayed only by those societies which have reduced their sexual opportunity to a minimum by the adoption of absolute monogamy (para. 168). _*_In every case the women and children were reduced to the level of legal nonentities, sometimes also to the level of chattels, always to the level of mere appendages of the male estate._*_ Eventually they were freed from their disadvantages, but at the same time the sexual opportunity of the society was extended. Sexual desires could then be satisfied in a direct or perverted manner... _*_So the energy of the society decreased, and then disappeared."_*_ He points out that "No society has yet to succeeded in regulating the relations between the sexes in such a Way as to enable sexual opportunity to remain at a minimum for an extended period." - _*_and thus all societies have collapsed._* - J. D. Unwin, _Sex and Culture_ circa 1930s 💊

@Acalamity

14 күн бұрын

With how negativistic you are, why would anyone want to be with you?

Dear Candace, thank you so much for your amazing work and videos. Why do you make it sound like we all look for male partners ? I have to ask because I usually feel so seen and cherished in your videos, and this made me feel the opposite. Thank you ❤

@CandacevanDell

5 ай бұрын

This video is talking about an absent father so In regards to the father wound, the example in this video is about replacing father. That is a male. You can replace that with female if you like.

@sophiedb378

5 ай бұрын

@@CandacevanDell thank you for your answer :)

@CandacevanDell

5 ай бұрын

@@sophiedb378 absolutely!!! You are seen 🥰