Correction: the Blue Heelers episode was in 2004, so it was later in high school and after puberty that I gave up on that idea. "One of the Boys" was episode 36 of season 11. Remember back when TV shows actually had long seasons? 😅 Anyway, this video was filmed off the top of my head, so there's probably other things I've got wrong and maybe a lack of nuance. If there's something you want me to go into more depth on let me know, buuuut I promise nothing haha. I'm too chaotic to ever do KZread "properly" lol, being polished is just not my style! Also: mandatory message to take care of yourself if this video upset you, but I did warn you, both in the video and the description, so it's not my fault you kept watching.

Finally watched this, came out while I was away or sick. I might have transitioned if exposed to that crowd earlier, but maybe not because perhaps gender dysphoria wouldn’t have been as bad? I’m not sure I would have regretted it either because I could go either way. These days there is less gender dysphoria because no one is really referencing my gender and it’s not something I have to think in my daily life. Gender was more an issue when younger, but even then, gender dysphoria was mild enough to not outweigh the risks of surgery and taking hormones as you say. But yeah, sexual harassment for starters was more of an issue when younger. I also preferred the strong and ugly characters (I’d RP as an orc, liked mutant Neopets, etc) but some people might think it’s self-esteem issues if I say I’m ugly. Well, self-esteem issues were not about looks and it bothered me they think that because I look like a girl and all girls must want to look good. Well I guess I do care a bit about looks, but what I think looks ‘good’ other people don’t! Look scary = good. I don’t know about the non binary stuff. Like I don’t feel like announcing to everyone ‘plz use they/them pronouns’ because I think other people can pick the pronoun for me. I don’t like being asked for ‘preferred pronoun’ because of that. A ‘she’ isn’t bad, but plz no going on and on about ‘women’ to the point I have to think about it.

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

Omg yeah the "preferred pronoun" thing, that also makes me feel weird coz I genuinely don't care, and it forces me to think too much about being female etc. A bit like when people ask me how I want my name pronounced, I also don't care and I feel weird having to say my own name, and I end up overthinking the pronunciation. I'd really rather people just not make it an issue for me in the first place, but I guess they don't realise I lack the sensitivities they're expecting or something? I definitely get the thing about sexual harassment too. That's probably another factor for girls in particular, wanting to transition to escape that rather than having full blown severe dysphoria. Now that you mention it, I too come across it less and yeah it means I don't have to think about being a chick so much because it just isn't as much of an issue anymore. Is it because we're older now and have left the environments where that's more of a thing, or is the culture itself actually changing that much? I don't get out enough to know lol. Scary = good, haha yeah, mine's in a different direction but definitely with my voice! XD

Completely agree, I am grateful to my disabled brother for showing me how 💩 being a mother would be. Most women just have to f around and find out. In my case genetics would be an issue autism is a strange thing. I hate anything needing me. Imagine never being left alone I think it would have a nervous break down. As for humanity, I think we are well over due a disaster this century looks pretty bleak. But, like u I lack the capacity to care.

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

I'm not grateful lol, it would have been better to have a healthier childhood and not end up messed up and depressed. Dunno about you, but the reason I feel this way is likely because of crap that got to me too early. Not being able to care is a defence mechanism, not a blessing. If I'd been able to grow into a mentally healthier adult, chances are I might actually find purpose and meaning in life through relationships and children and so on. Instead I'm left with emptiness that wants me to believe it's the best thing in order to protect me from the pain of what I've lost, but intellectually I now realise it's also a barrier to a fulfilling life, and one that's far too entrenched for me to change.

@katiebee2937

10 ай бұрын

@@DestroyerMariko I dunno, I think we’d be getting into the nature / nurture debate about how and why we are the way we are. I grew up around the disabled community and their siblings turned out pretty normal. My parents were dysfunctional to begin with, my dad had a pretty unhappy childhood. Then they had me in ‘86 followed by my bro in 88. I am on the autism spectrum but it’s mild- what I could have done with was more help and extra attention than an NT child but instead I got a lot less (after my brother was born) I doubt I would have been diagnosed or given any help or sympathy back in the early 90s, oh well. Anyway I thought of a channel you might like -‘ofherbsandalters’ she’s an autistic you tuber and a goth I thought you might like her outfits.

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

Not everyone who has disabled siblings ends up like me. My other brother came out okay with just some confidence issues and is otherwise quite well adjusted. It depends on a few things and as I mentioned in the video, I was treated differently to my brothers along with a few other issues. I've been talking about my own experiences, I'm not claiming it's a universal thing. What I will say though is that I've gotten past the denial and am now aware that my experience of the world is not normal or healthy. I used to have that pride in being impervious to humanity's fluffy emotions, but not anymore now that I recognise it was just a lie to conceal the damage to my psyche. Autism is a different thing though so maybe you're fine, but after spending time in misanthropy groups etc, I think a lot of people with our attitude are actually subconsciously using it to hide from a lot of pain, so the idea of "gratitude" for it just rubs me the wrong way. For those of us with that issue, we need to see past the denial to stand a chance at healing. If that makes sense. I'm aware of that channel, it's been recommended to me before, back when people thought I was autistic instead of schizoid. Doesn't interest me though. One of the many differences between the two conditions is that schizoids are a lot less interested in other people lol, and that's very true of me. I like goth fashion but not in a special interest way, and I don't see myself as part of the goth community, or any community really, so that alone isn't enough to make me watch. I watch videos more for the specific subject matter, rather than the people in it. Really the only time the presenter has any impact on my viewing habits is if they're too annoying in some way which _stops_ me watching them hahaha 😅

My mom had hysterectomy this year because of fibroids and everything was fine with fast easy recovery that my mom said she should have done it earlier. There's nothing crazy with taking uterus out because it does not produce hormones. Removing ovaries is something to do with hormones not other parts of female reproductive organ

@DestroyerMariko

7 күн бұрын

I can't remember what I covered in this video but I'm glad things went well for your mother. A lot of surgeries are quite safe, but they still always carry risk. Hormones are not my only concern. In one vlog I watched, a transman ended up with serious blood loss due to complications from a hysterectomy, because the bleeding they experienced was initially dismissed as normal. In your mother's case, it sounds like the hysterectomy was medically necessary and therefore worth the risk. For someone like me though, my symptoms are currently controlled by taking the pill and I'm not experiencing adverse effects, so it's currently not worth it. Hope that clears things up.

After watching this video I am offended because it didn't offend me. Jokes aside, thank you for your interesting content. (Y)

I would say you have the better logic over those that aspire to start families. I feel the same way. My reasoning is that I don't want to raise kids for 18 years or more and I want my time and money to be my own.

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

Nah it's not better logic, it's damaged logic. Starting families gives a lot of mentally healthy people a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives. As hard as raising kids is, I'd prefer that to being depressed and empty. Obviously now that I am so mentally ill, having kids would be a terrible idea, so yes, my decision is sensible for my circumstances. But my life would have been a lot better if I didn't have mental illness and actually _could_ handle it.

You don’t like my baby…well I never 😱😝 honestly tho I feel like everything you said was super reasonable. And to be honest I really only like my kids and don’t exactly find babies to be normal either and supposedly I’m “normal”. Kids are so dang hard tho even if they don’t have anything out of the norm to deal with. I feel a little less sane each day with mine and supposedly they are normal too lol. I’ve worked with a lot of kids with autism and wow does it take an incredible amount of patience. I don’t know that I have that on a daily basis 24/7. I suppose I’d have to if I had a child with it or anything else that extra challenging but that’s a totally valid concern in general. Even tho I don’t regret my kids and want more, I still have been going more mental by the day because it’s rough. Especially when we don’t like tribally anymore and it’s every mom for themselves. It literally takes a village 😵‍💫 and so true it’s not as easy as just taking out an organ! Absolutely changes your hormones too which sounds like something you really wouldn’t want to risk. I truly hope no one gives you any crap for this video. I really enjoyed it and think you’re just very self aware about these things and reasonable

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

Hahaha I tend not to look at your posts where they're just being "cute" but your kids can already fry scream and that's metal af! 🤘 So they get points from me there haha!

@eternalwizard776

10 ай бұрын

@@DestroyerMariko lol you know I’m just giving you crap. I truly don’t enjoy most people kids and babies are definitely not the cutest especially when first born. Can’t say that stuff out loud tho 🤣🤣🤣 the fry screaming does add bonus points. I second that 😝

Oooh I just got the the trans part…I honestly thought that’s something we would disagree on this but we actually don’t. Not for people putting things like that in their kids. I was quite a tomboy growing up but I never wanted to be a boy. Had my parents taken that and ran with it who knows where I’d be now. I won’t comment on everything you said but holy crap are you really self aware. I like the idea of being both a badass warrior but also a princess. Just depends on my mood or situation lol. But no way am I going to the whole million gender roles etc. I’m just me and I’m a girl 🤷‍♀️ might not be the same as the rest but we aren’t all meant to be carbon copies of each other 💗

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

Yeah I mean I have sympathy for those who legit have gender dysphoria at that severe level where they have no other option and will never grow out of it, but most of what's going around today is not that. If I were growing up today, I might have made it to 18 without anything happening to me since I'm from a conservative family, but I can see how I could have made some bad decisions in my early 20's. Lol the million genders thing, I can't even remember people's _names_ 😂

@eternalwizard776

10 ай бұрын

@@DestroyerMariko lol for sure! And it definitely takes away from those who really do struggle. The world is a crazy place these days. I can’t remember it all or keep up either lol

I don't want to come off as strange but I find "Current 93 - I have a special plan for this world" (it's a spoken word poem) rather interesting. I've seen people who have schizophrenia or depression in the comments saying that it helped them. I also think that it was a very endearing piece of art. It has some antanatalist ideas but it's not the main reason why I think it's good, it's just hard to describe the appeal of it

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

You're commenting on a video about mentally ill thoughts and you're worried about seeming strange? XD Never mind that, what _is_ a problem is I'm not willing to spend 20+ mins on someone else's poem lol. Even if it were some epic metal song, tell 'em to cut it down to 5mins, then we'll talk haha

@iwannabeyourdog4195

10 ай бұрын

@@DestroyerMariko that's okay, great video though, it's good for doing stuff and just have it on background

I think its very gracious of you to not become a parent.

@DestroyerMariko

10 ай бұрын

gracious is not the word I was expecting but yeah nah only fluffeh children for me lol