I wish people would stop using their moms for everything I work with two ladies that never get any sleep because their kids manipulate them into babysitting.

It’s obvious to me the 1st callers mom was willing to help the ex once in a while but they’re taking advantage. This is what happens don’t get entitled to the time of people who have no obligation to you.

my husband is the same way. He thinks I am judging him. I’m perfect.

He's learned! Cavalry

Love this episode! Brilliant advice 👏 Communication is key! ❤

I love love love love your show

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who thinks when guys call women "chicks' it's gross. Thanks John!

My issue is how to deal with my husband's difficult grown daughter (age 52, a teacher, unmarried, no children, no home to take care of (lives in appt.) from his first marriage. (I am age 71 and my husband is age 76 and has brain issues and rapidly growing health needs.) His daughter has always been very difficult to deal with in my opinion for a number of reasons; she is immature, highly emotional, self-centered and pretty much only thinks about herself and her own needs and rarely other's needs. (I suspect she may be a narcissist.) I have been married to her father now for 27 years and (for a lot of reasons) I have been taking care of her father now for 27 years - the last 10-15 years of them with his diagnosed cognitive decline and physical decline. He does not drive, he has many doctors appts., PT needs, special dietary needs that require me to source food at five different locations each week. I take care of EVERYTHING in our life, even though I have my own health issues and I am totally burned-out as well. My husband's grown daughter had lived in another state now for more than 20 years. I have communicated his health issues as they have progressed, but she and her brother have not believed me about his worsening health issues as they have evolved -because they have not made the effort to actually see him. Once I expressed the impact of my own health needs and I was criticized by them for that. They talk to their father on the phone but he "rises to the occasion" on the phone and says he "is fine." In recent years she has taken more of an interest in her father as his health has declined and she now travels to our state during the summer when she is not working (a teacher that has the summers off.) However, it is ALWAYS on her timeline with her needs and never ours. She comes to visit and does not help me cook, does not offer to help in any way, even something as simple as stripping he sheets off of the bed before she leaves. So her visit become one more burden for me to manage. In fact, it is usually quite inconvenient when she comes (For years I had a seasonal summer business, a 5 acre homestead with chickens and 2 1/2 acres of garden to take care of and a summer visit was very inconvenient for me but she would not budge in her timing. Or for example: she would visit in the middle of us getting all new flooring throughout our home and all the rooms are packed up/beds stacked up and we are in chaos, and I am already under high stress.) This caused terrible stress and anxiety for me. I explained about the flooring being out down the week she wanted to come and asked her to come in June instead-she would not. After not being able to leave her father alone for more than 4 years, the past three years I have asked her for help with her father when she came to visit. This help meant staying with her father for a few days so I can get a break (my ONLY break all year.) However, it's always on her terms. Last year I asked for help for 3-4 days, and she stayed over just one night and left the next morning since she had made plans with a friend. She left her father alone (when she should not have done that.) I had made plans to go a friend's quiet cabin in the woods about a three hour's drive away for 3-4 days. I had expressed my needs ahead of time regarding my plans to her, so she was well aware. Staying over just one night was not enough time for me drive anywhere and really have any time to decompress or rest. After three to four years of asking for what I need and she not even meeting me halfway, I am resentful and angry at her. She has zero empathy for me or understanding of how difficult this journey has been for me. This coming summer I am thinking of just going away when she visits. Not asking again, not trying to negotiate for my needs and always getting nowhere. I am planning on just making my own plans and then leaving when she arrives, saying I'll be back on _____. I'll tell her when she gets here and then just leave her with her father. I've tried talking to her in person, I've tried writing her letters (e-mails) and she does not respond. It's all one sided - on her side. She is a age 52-year-old adult for cripes sakes. Her father raised her, paid for her college degree going into debt so she did not have big loans at the end of her degree. (We married with that debt and spent three year working hard to pay it off.) Yes, she is immature, but her immaturity is not my problem. If I was gone from her father's life, he would not be able to live alone - he cannot drive, he cannot manage his finances or make decisions or even follow through on his necessary doctors appts. He would need to move into his children's home and would need the help of both of his adult children to manage his life. Assisted Living is not an option for us as this costs $8,000-$10,000 a month out-of-pocket in our area and we do not have long term care insurance. I have expressed all of this to her and she goes silent and does not reply and does not understand our situation or change her habits. I feel totally un-appreciated for everything I give, no matter how much I explain to her. She has never once thanked me or expressed appreciation. I have come to the conclusion that she does not want to deal with her fathers issues so she pretends they do not exist. Denial.

It sounds like the Gf just has different ways of resolving issues. Some people lay it on the table, some people grew up with families that cool down sweep it under the rug or address it unemotionally. They just have diff problem solving styles

Last caller i gave hard time by saying he shouldn't use chick n he does need to get away from the . monthly thing not that that's never at play but he is right,she can't avoid confrontation all the time. That's very unhealthy.

I think I get the husbands perspective though in the first call. It seems like the grandmother doesn’t mind watching the child that’s her daughters. I feel like in a blended family, the rule has to be all or nothing. I think the main issue is the ex asking for help in a spur of the moment issue and abusing that. Through the dads eyes though, it’s tough growing up the way he did and he probably doesn’t want the boys to ever feel unwanted like he did. Grandma doesn’t want to be taken advantage but through his eyes, I’m guessing he feels like him and his 3 boys aren’t her family.

@razmiddle9410

2 жыл бұрын

Then it'll be nothing. She's a grown woman who wants to enjoy her retirement years instead of taking care of her daughter's husband's ex's children. If he has a problem with that, he can find childcare for all 4 children.

@ColeReynolz

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah I agree she should do what she wants to do. I just think his perspective though is that it’s not her daughters husbands exs children. He wants those kids to be her grand children just as much as the fourth child is, sometimes breaking that barrier is difficult.

40:22 example of betatization (not a word lol) by 1000 concessions

Its a you thing when you're calling her a chick.

Ok i finally have to say it bc i have heard him make this reference several times now n of course it nevet goes in the othet direction. Often in his into John refers to the parents or grandparents with conspiracy theories. Its always the older generation that he makes this little dig about. Conspiracy theories however you want to categorize that n one should be vety careful with that label these dayd as anyone who is paying even minimal attention to the world around them has seen how this word has been wesponized to try to marginalize people, intimidate them n try to shut them down. If its parents and grandparents ( the older generation with far more life experience) what ate the chances all these people are just crazy people spewing conspiracy theories? That would be an illness of some sort or particular traumatic life experiences that would make some individual more prone to this and that if course would effect people of all ages n both sides of the aisle. If you mean older Americans who through experience and news channels that they watch n things they read have a different viewpoint than their younger generally less experienced n also differently conditioned by society ( we are all the products of our environment) and want to share thier concerns n worries about their future n often more importantly their kids n grandkids that is just a difference of opinion not a conspiracy theory. Better to tell people how to deal with that,which some of his callers do call about. Let's not add to the propaganda John. One day you may have kids that are adults but believe something very different based on the social media and news they follow as well as the schools they attend n they may become engaged with yiu for not agreeing with them about some really absurd things n then not want to see you. This is not my situation but ive heard many situations like this. Of course i can't possibly now how everyone handled it but needless to say its an issue for sure n not all of the older folks handled it so poorly as to cause this. People have to get better at communication skills n boundaries as it effects everything.

I disagree she needs to talk it out!

Ex and dad are sooooo wrong!

Imagine expecting your mother in law to watch your kids or even worse your ex's mother in law. It's not a messy situation at all John, they have no right to even be talking about this. Her husband should get therapy. I don't know why John is saying hes a great Dad. He obviously is pretty selfish on this issue so it's likely hes selfish in other ways. Had they not pushed it so far and taken advantage she provided would have helped more. Nobody wants to be used n only called when they need something which may be part of it as well. Even if they were her daughters biological kids n even if there wasn't a mother in the picture she has every right to not want to help them in this manner. Its really a no win fir her especially if they are n im sure they are or will be a handful.

I severely doubt bio mom is leaving kids with absolute strangers. Dad has a new wife/stepmom is 100% FREE DAYCARE. bio mom is trying to make ends meet

regarding the call about the 21 year old TA, she sounds like any other gen z kid that’s obsessed with tiktok. These types of jokes are allllll over that platform. Obviously I don’t know her, but I wouldn’t worry about her actually putting actions behind those words. Sounds more like an immaturity problem, like Dr.D said.