I'm proud to say I'm mid now >:)

@starrynight1165

Жыл бұрын

normalize being completely mid ✊✊✊

@lvl99dh

Жыл бұрын

I'm mid to say I'm mid now

@D.Ark-0

Жыл бұрын

I’d like to join you all to be mid.

@Coolerranch1

Жыл бұрын

Well I'm MIDI.....🎉

@kylereyes2337

Жыл бұрын

I mean Mr. Miyagi promotes balance, so yeah being mid is essentially being balanced

Ego is mistaken for confidence. Confidence simply means you believe in your ability to try. That's about it.

@carnivoroussarah

Жыл бұрын

Yep. As someone who overcame their own delusional confidence issues, I can say it is merely about belief in your abilities. Thats it. They're talking about ego, which could benefit from some Buddhist teachings.

@genocidist2602

Жыл бұрын

you are full of crap, ego is confidence, confidence is ego, you believe in your ability to try because of your big ego, you have build your ego in a way where its unbreakable and without doubt, if you cant do it and let go of all your ego, then have fun being miserable, because having ego is the best feeling ever and it feels awesome every single second

@mattwong5403

10 ай бұрын

It's probably because in some situations, confidence does lead to ego. A good example of this is how people join the Marine Corps over other military branches because Marines market themselves as being the toughest branch and as a machismo warrior cult, even though you don't have to join the Marines to get the same combat training Marines get.

@bradspitt3896

10 ай бұрын

Confidence presumes you know how far the gap is from where you are to where the archetype is. It will always be arrogance.

@bigyanrai8199

5 ай бұрын

Courage?

"Confidence is not a commodity. It's a process." Hit me hard. That's the big issue with these confidence mongers imo. They're trying to sell you something. I'm so tired of everyone trying to sell me something. It's the most isolating thing of all.

@rigelb9025

Жыл бұрын

You've said it. The constant pressure from those who are trying to sell us things, and their ultimate message, is *isolating* (I sell hating).

@abaque24

Жыл бұрын

that's why they are called 'cons', 'conmen'-- they are trying to disarm you by feeding you a *con*fidence that will allow them to get what they want from you.

@moethemoon

Жыл бұрын

OMG. Ive always been uncomfortable with this kind of content. But just the other day I also said the exact same sentiment; I’m so tired of all these people trying to peddle something to me. It’s annoying af.

@onethree123d

Жыл бұрын

Yup

@muhilan8540

Жыл бұрын

But the confidence mongers preach that tho, they usually talk about how it’s a process

The need to project confidence is unironically a really insecure thing to do

@1rat4belle

Жыл бұрын

Tan cierto

@remotefaith

Жыл бұрын

Ironically too

@yomama8767

Жыл бұрын

oh my god you cracked the code

@TheGlory16

Жыл бұрын

Never thought of it, you're right

@gurleen7041

Жыл бұрын

it honestly is tbh. people that are actually confident don't need other people to see it but people who are really insecure feep down treat confidence as a personality trait to hide their insecurity

“A crisis in kindness” is such a good way to describe some of the behavior you see online.

@AnneLives81

Жыл бұрын

@@shimrrashai-rc8fq Do you need to be the one to start a movement? If that’s a difficult barrier for you to overcome, you could find organizations that are already working towards what you want to do and join them and make your impact that way. I don’t think you should expect to do everything on your own. And making friends does take time, care and trust, but having people you can trust and who understand and accept you is pretty awesome. If there aren’t any organizations doing exactly what you’re looking for, start small in your community. I don’t think you can expect it to happen all at once. And even if it never gets to something huge and massive that little bit can do real good in your community and those it helped. That’s not a small thing. Good luck, hope you’re able to find what you’re looking for.

@AnneLives81

Жыл бұрын

@@shimrrashai-rc8fq I think sometimes we can overthink something so much that we never start. These are important things to think about, but at some point we have to make a decision to move forward or not. We can’t account for every possible outcome. Also, I think there was a miscommunication. I’m not suggesting you have to do things on your own or with a group. Your initial reply seemed like you were feeling defeated in organizing and I was just trying to give you some ideas to get started as it seemed like you felt you had to go it alone. I misunderstood the situation and I apologize.

@AnneLives81

Жыл бұрын

@@shimrrashai-rc8fq I honestly don’t know and I’m not telling you what to do. For me, if I thought doing something would cause more harm than doing nothing, I wouldn’t do it and vice versa. I think it’s just something you have to decide for yourself as you are the one who has to live with the consequences either way.

@AnneLives81

Жыл бұрын

@@shimrrashai-rc8fq Also, can you say you’d be hurting people “inadvertently” if you do something where you say there’s a “strong chance” you’ll “hurt others.” That doesn’t seem like a mistake, that seems like the likely outcome. Can I get more context for what you’re wanting to do?

@AnneLives81

Жыл бұрын

@@shimrrashai-rc8fq So it seems like the harm you’re talking about is how discussing politics with people you don’t know well while trying to organize makes them uncomfortable. And you feel bad that they’re uncomfortable. Is my understanding correct?

Confidence =/= Arrogance This is the thing most of those creators and such don't seem to grasp. Most people who do feel truly secure in themselves and their work don't feel a need to shove it in people's faces and assert their own "security".

@killme5630

Жыл бұрын

Id argue that wizard liz is not arrogant like others. Or Maybe im just projecting since she has helped me alot

@lockpickrogue-yc5wc

Жыл бұрын

@@killme5630 I don’t know who that is so I can’t tell

@killme5630

Жыл бұрын

@@lockpickrogue-yc5wc oh, well she's pretty cool

@Darkassassin505

Жыл бұрын

*cough* *cough* Andrew Tate

I really like the idea of confidence being the ability to move forward. I think it's hard when you're younger to separate your own identity from the way others see you. But as we age, most people gain confidence as they learn to understand and accept themselves more. It becomes easier to move forward, grow, and just give ourselves a break sometimes.

@Bella-kk4go

Жыл бұрын

this makes me actually excited to grow up (20F)

@thesevenkingswelove9554

Жыл бұрын

I am 18 and waiting for my confidence glow up

@lxidbixl

Жыл бұрын

​@@thesevenkingswelove9554 there's nothing to wait for. it's just a decision that you make, accepting that you will be ok no matter what happens or situation you face

@amethystdream8251

Жыл бұрын

I love this whole comment thread that is all

@iameli330

Жыл бұрын

​@@lxidbixl omg tysm 🥺 I'm turning 18 soon and I'm just so unsure about life rn. Ty!

As an autistic person I didn’t know we were supposed to be seeking approval and just assumed that everyone knew that they had value outside of how they are perceived. Thanks for exposing me to this new perspective

@skrttskrtt7534

Жыл бұрын

Same

@rubyrootless7324

Жыл бұрын

that's wholesome, tbh. most people seek validation from someone or something while wishing to see the world like you do

@imsonoided

Жыл бұрын

Well, when you are autistic and are conditioned to mask, like I was, you are taught to only care about the approval of NTs.

@froforsale7530

Жыл бұрын

​@@rubyrootless7324 seconding this. @Michaela James, just keep living life the way you are. You've mastered confidence already in a way.

@doogus8728

Жыл бұрын

I personally disagree that people have an 'inherent value'. I think that is a nice, positive outlook, but unfortunately I don't believe it's true. People create their value by being a certain way in their respective environments, by having positive traits which people admire them for. Confidence is one of those things which people will admire you for. And it is normal to want people to like you, that is what we are genetically hardwired to do, for most people. Because if we did not want that, we would most likely put ourselves in danger (in a more primitive world, especially!) and thus we style ourselves to be a certain way as a defence mechanism AND because it makes us feel good.

In the 1990's I had a roommate who was obsessed with self improvement with stacks of self help books, going on rants about recognizing opportunity and seizing the moment and how one day he will be among the top 1% blah blah blah. To me, I think these self help messages makes people more greedy, more selfish, more willing to stab others in the back for self gain or to get out of a jam.

@Azr721

Жыл бұрын

What happened to him? Is he among the top 1% now?

@rEdf196

Жыл бұрын

@@Azr721 No, he aint 1% not even close , but actually, he has done well, he runs a boating and fishing business, has a nice house and truck and family. A success in my opinion, but no super Hotshot high roller type.

@Roganclips-powerful

10 ай бұрын

I believe there's a difference between wanting success and being an asshole. I want to strive to improve myself and make my own money doing what I love. The Andrew Tate's and Sneakos of the world have fucked up so many people's perception of self improvement.

@flowerbloom5782

4 ай бұрын

yes it’s encouraged. It’s this hyper individuality really is just there to overcompensate the rejection of community. It’s lonely af. Everyone body wants the coolness of the lone wolf but it’s lonely as fuck and miserable.

confidence content is funny because it only increases this obsession of self. for some reason these people are always talking about blocking out the “haters”, essentially they make the world a them vs you hellscape when in reality I don’t think most average people even struggle with that. I think the more you obsess over yourself, the more insecure you become. To me, the most confident I was in my life was when I was a child. Careless, free, not bogged down by expectations yet or insecurities. And you know what? I also was the least concerned with myself. Probably looked at myself in the mirror once a day at most back then, I was mostly engaged in the present. This is the type of confidence I’d like to go back to, and this confidence came with letting go of my self. The more you tighten around your concept of self, the more you feel as if you are missing something. Whether you create a positive or negative self, it doesn’t matter, because there is no constant self, it’s always changing, either by your own perception or by other peoples. So clinging to any sense of solidity in identity is suffering.

@taylorswiftforever.likefor5668

Жыл бұрын

Easier said than done unfortunately

@jan-bean

Жыл бұрын

@@taylorswiftforever.likefor5668 absolutely, monks dedicate their whole lives to this. But it is possible to experience this at least a little more often, through mindset changes and realizing what’s actually important.

@aldra8507

Жыл бұрын

Over sharing a bit: What’s actually important to me is feeling free. Like a child . A free being. A free person to exist with no expection and no regrets just to be happy with yourself because you are one unique person and no one is like you. A deep happiness. I was pretty happy and free a few months ago but going back to school made me get these insecurities, these people I don’t know well telling me how I should be. And I listened. I’m trying to get back to my old self but what old self? Is it a new me or I’m just thinking too much. Anyways I have been in a rut this is me over sharing on a KZread vid

@jan-bean

Жыл бұрын

@AfterBurnerEX1 “work on yourself” to what end? orienting your life around achieving goals & self actualization is only satisfying initially. but eventually it becomes another escape, another cope with this idea that you always have to DO something to find any sort of contentment. That you always have to change. You’re in a constant cycle of becoming. Majority of people carry your philosophy in life. Majority of people lives are about achieving goals and “growing as a person” but yet most people aren’t too happy. I’m not saying this mindset is bad but it’s not the final state. I see it as this, as a child you are at most content and happy. As you grow older you become bogged down by these ideas that you have to become something. through experience you build a solid sense of identity and you cling to this. eventually as you grow older you may dismantle that sense of identity and start “working on yourself” to create a new one. you may go from an unhealthy state of ego to building a healthy one. you are all about idealizing yourself & your future and working towards some ideals you have crafted in your mind. Eventually, (hopefully) through experience you learn to transcend all of this and find peace. This is detailed in what nietzsche called the “three metamorphoses”. You go from camel to lion to finally a child.

@lemontreetree

11 ай бұрын

I love this comment.

It's difficult to find someone who would accept you for who you are and not based on how confident you look

@user-dv9xx3yy8v

Жыл бұрын

Thats what i think of these manifestation/confidence videos, they want you to change yourself. Sad

@julius5310

Жыл бұрын

Why sad? Everybody is a saint online. “We don’t care how you look as long as your heart is pure you will be welcome” is a sentence that loses its authenticity once it’s tested in the real world. Many people LIVED lonely lives and that was only because how they looked! Trust me, nobody wants to be honest to themself. Looks and appearance play a huge role in the way your life turns out. Changing yourself can have wonderful results for your life. These gurus tend to be right wing (which I heavily disagree with) and try to sell you stuff. That’s why I avoid these videos, but their essential message remains true.

@chidiogoikeh4550

Жыл бұрын

@@julius5310 i completely agree. Everyone is a saint online

@andreeaherschel9844

Жыл бұрын

…or how pretty you are.

@mysti8323

Жыл бұрын

Thank you that's well said👏👏👏

21:39 crisis in kindness is truly something that i feel deeply from adolescence on. I think that recently i discovered a boost in my confidence in counteracting explicitly that. I'm a gentle person. I love to be a sweet man. I like flowers and to compare friends with birds.

@carolgichuhi149

Жыл бұрын

I don't know why, but this makes me happy. 💐💐

@johncoltranesethic18

Жыл бұрын

@@carolgichuhi149 happy to know that. :)

@doogus8728

Жыл бұрын

That's true, confidence does not mean being an asshole. However being an asshole can be an advantageous trait in various fields of employment, especially business. People with so-called 'Dark Triad' traits will (not always) have a better chance of succeeding in the professional world because they are not as afraid to make rash decisions or to put themselves in front of other people.

@thesevenkingswelove9554

Жыл бұрын

​@@doogus8728 that's okay in the short term but how will you achieve any real success in the long term by being an a$$hole? You have to lessen your so called unkind traits if you truly want to cooperate with people and get work done.

@kylereyes2337

Жыл бұрын

There’s a huge part of me that does just that, and I’m glad I don’t feel like shit trying to be wholesome, but there’s a tiny part of me that corrupts that, like it keeps on saying “stupid piece of shit” (similar to that episode of Bojack Horseman)

paraphrasing alot of what was said especially at the end of the vid, I think we shouldn't strive to be "confident" but instead strive to be Genuine. Learning to accept yourself as you are and that you're imperfect i think will ultimately lead to a more authentic sense of confidence.

@Eyka_Music

Жыл бұрын

this comment is beautiful because personally i think there's nothing more "confident" than not being afraid to be genuine, its a very powerful sentiment that i relate to a lot specially through my art, which i am progressively learning to stand behind and say "yes i made this, i live by what i've created and i value and treasure my genuine expression, and i will support it in any way i can" because art, like people, are more beautiful when they are genuine

@INFERNO617

Жыл бұрын

@@Eyka_Music oh man art especially is difficult to put out there for that very reason. Especially today its so easy to want to put on a facade, but being able to accept yourself and the message you want to share in any form takes alot of bravery. Props to you man! 🙏

@dariuspalmer2829

Жыл бұрын

I don't really understand that, learning to accept yourself of who you are is settling for less. What if you are morbidly obese and living on benefits not working. Are you going to just accept yourself who are even though you are practically near death or are you not going to be happy about your current state as that is the drive you need to change your situation.

@Eyka_Music

Жыл бұрын

@@dariuspalmer2829 The only way to get better is to accept yourself first, it's about just being confortable with existing in your own skin lol. You will not want to get better if you hate yourself and if you do want to get better in those terms then it's very easy for it to slip into a vice and a coping mechanism to make you feel better than somebody else

@INFERNO617

Жыл бұрын

@@dariuspalmer2829 I get where you’re coming from, however I don’t think acceptance is the same as settling, what you’re describing is moreso “choice”. To use your example, you would first have to accept the fact that you are obese and stuck in life in order to decide if you want to change or if you want to stay as you are. But don’t get it twisted my friend, the totality of the human spirit goes far beyond who a person thinks they are in the current moment. We hold many dualities; a person is both kind/mean, hardworking/lazy, etc because they hold the capacity to be either one at any given moment in time. What I meant by accepting oneself, is to accept that maybe you aren’t exactly who you want to be, but to also know that you can change; accepting ALL of yourself (which is both the good and bad) and being genuine in the fact that you are an imperfect human being just like everyone else instead of trying to be only “good” or only “cool” or one side of whatever coin. Confidence isn’t about trying to stay to one side of the pendulum, its about accepting that you will always sway harmoniously between both, and committing to doing the best you can.

I wrote in my journal a while back about how I was tired of seeing success stories. I want to hear about failure for once. I want to hear about small businesses that had to close down. People who never achieved their dreams. More of us live that way than not. Can we not share the wisdom of how to cope with the ordinary life. The disappointing life? Sad stories ending in happiness to be inspirational. How many sad stories just stay sad? Never getting better? At some point i started internalizing this idea that life was *about* success. That life was just a story centered around your own success. And all of the pain around it may be different from person to person but the end point was the same. And ,in my head, it was that failing to do anything inspirational or admirable with my life meant failing the very reason to be alive. I've been finding it hard to move forward recently.

One thing that helped me alot in regards to confidence was Dr. K's (healthygamergg) video on confidence and one of the key points that he discusses is what confidence actually is he states that everyone is born confident but as you grow and learn you develop insecurities through development which lead to lowered confidence. So in essence the less insecurities you have the more confident you can be. Confidence isn't gained, confidence is the absence of insecurity.

@Cookiekeks

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like BS. Confidence is earned, not given. You earn it when you climb to the top of a social hierarchy.

@SgtGoodSgtDHGood

Жыл бұрын

@@Cookiekeks you choose who you want too but I'm gonna choose to believe a Doctor that's a prestigious clinical psychologist over some redpiller any day

@TheKaurK

Жыл бұрын

@@Cookiekeks Confidence comes from within, delusion comes from excessive validation. You’re chasing the latter high.

@dhafiansuhartono8668

Жыл бұрын

​@@Cookiekeks social hierarchy? Good luck seeking constant validation

@grandsome1

Жыл бұрын

@At Yi You don't gain absence of insecurities, you just lose them, ignore them, it's an unlearning process where you counter your first gut reaction.

There seems to be a link between confidence and competition, and maybe there shouldn't be

@thesevenkingswelove9554

Жыл бұрын

I think competition is kinda like "I can do better than him look at me " whereas confidence is " I can try my best and try to succeed ". Both make you want to do things however they both have different motivee

@bannedmann4469

Жыл бұрын

You don't have a choice about that. It's in our nature.

@biquinary

Жыл бұрын

@@bannedmann4469 You could be right. But how do you know what is and is not in our nature? I'm not a biologist/psychologist so I can't say for myself. And by the way, even if it is in our nature, I believe we still have a choice

@bannedmann4469

Жыл бұрын

@@biquinary You don't have a choice in manifesting confidence, otherwise everyone would be confident. It's very easy to see what's in our nature. Cross cultural behavior for starters...

Confidence is a great thing to have but most people confuse it for narcissism. Being a narcissist or egotistical is a bad thing. Having confidence is not. For example: I am confident I’m a good artist, but I don’t think I’m the best. That pushes me to become better instead of assuming I’m already the best.

@xenrusxenomorph2268

Жыл бұрын

Yeah I think people confuse narcissism/ egoistical for that confidence is like as they said on the video, it's that they think these people are less ashamed of their actions and they contribute no shame to confidence when it can be the opposite and be a sign of insecurity.

Confidence is something about “ can do “ mentality , you feel competent in yourself to overcome whatever life throws at you

Think that one of the main reasons most confidence content doesn’t work is that it doesn’t focus on the right problems. Most of them focus on quick solutions like changing your body language and conversation starters. They’ll tell you to fix your posture and to stop crossing your arms and sure, that makes you “appear” more confident but all it really does is give you another thing to be insecure about, reenforcing the idea that confidence comes from how people see you. Confidence content ignores that fact that so much of the reasons why we’re insecure is because of trauma and the constant societal pressure to preform and be put together. And instead of recognizing that and teaching you to unlearn those standards they convince you it’s a you problem, that there’s an easy solution, when there really isn’t.

@Insomnia19101

8 ай бұрын

Well said tbh like those confidence tips are really only some small tips for presentations or interviews but it doesn’t actually help you be less insecure and make friends

I think most of modern society is based on the idea that you're better than (or have to be better than) someone else. Everything becomes really easy to understand when you think about things through that lens. Even race stands as the constant reminder that you're better than *someone* (for those who aren't Black at least, and even then there are intersections to consider), and so if you have nothing left to stand on, you can fall back on that.

@dariuspalmer2829

Жыл бұрын

Race is a bogus made up social construct to fabricate division and make people see themselves less than humans. Research eugenics and the origins of race to find out the truth of it. There is only one race that is the human race.

@branthlysauveur359

Жыл бұрын

Yes!!! When some people hit rock bottom they still want to look down on someone.

@QwertyS3

9 ай бұрын

It's literally narcissism to view others as below you

Here goes a comment for the algorithm because this video is important! Also: Personally, I'd define confidence as the qualities of being self-assured and in harmony/balance with yourself enough that you are neither ashamed of yourself nor super stuck up and conceited. And it gives you the ability to be open-minded to learning new things, to trying new things, to make mistakes along the way and not feel like those mistakes weigh on you so much that it makes you tumble to the (metaphorical) ground and too afraid to get up and try again. And it makes you feel like trying for something isn't inherently a lost cause. And again, even if you don't (immediately) succeeed - if you are confident, if you are self-assured, if you are in equilibrium with yourself - that is okay and doesn't immediately make you feel like you as a person are a failure/worthless. Confidence is feeling capable of navigating your life through both easy and difficult situations and not feel easily defeated by being wrong, making mistakes, being rejected or similar difficulties BUT also open to learning new stuff and being corrected. It's having the humility to consider/know yourself to be imperfect without that imperfection being a cause for you to consider yourself a failure/worthless or alternatively above having to educate yourself or being corrected. So yeah... Confidence: Being in equilibrium and at peace with yourself.

@munchiekins

Жыл бұрын

very well said!

@Victorcolongarcia

Жыл бұрын

I’m also 39 and huge Michael Jackson fan 🎉 loved your comment! I totally agree. For me confidence is being able to live without having to lie or pretend (at least with your closest friends/family). Social media and working environments are mostly fakery. We need to be aware of this fact.

@dariuspalmer2829

Жыл бұрын

The longest definition for a word I have seen lmao

@Meeko4eve39

Жыл бұрын

@@dariuspalmer2829 It's a talent of mine 😉

@dariuspalmer2829

Жыл бұрын

@@Meeko4eve39 haha

I feel like modern confidence is just borderline narcissism. it doesn't even solve the underlying insecurities people may have but tells people to 'get over it' and to 'stop feeling sorry for themselves'. true confidence is being devoid of insecurities and being kind and gentle. I always feel that the most confident people are the most humble. people that are truly confident don't need to be 'overly confident;' or let people know how 'confident' they are. they're just themselves and they're okay with it.

i love the wizard Liz. She has helped me ake accountability. She actually is vdry inspiring

@iamsomeone8266

Жыл бұрын

oof. Yes, i am chronically online. And yeah, i also do this

@iamsomeone8266

Жыл бұрын

Yeah, i am always ashamed of myself

@Insomnia19101

8 ай бұрын

Her videos make us stop making excuses for ourselves and take accountability for the way we are and it’s like a breath of fresh air

Great video! And I wanted to add that as an Old (37), that sense of loneliness and social anxiety and isolation existed before social media or the Internet. As a super awkward kid, I loved the Internet. I loved AIM and chatrooms and forums. I could be anyone, any age, any confidence level. But more than anything, I could be eloquent in a way I never was in person. I don't want to romanticize Web 1.0, it was experimental and dangerous in many ways, but there was a wonder to it, too, for those of us who weren't popular or charismatic in meat space. Now we could find friends outside of our zip code who shared our interests. But it was always meant to be supplementary. Completely replacing your social life with online interactions was a recipe for disaster then just as it is now. I can only think of two real differences between then and now and they are that now we have smartphones/Internet with us constantly and back then we didn't know how or couldn't to monetize oneself online. The problems aren't new, but the way we approach them as a species has evolved. For better or worse, that's up to you.

@SiriProject

Жыл бұрын

I think you are absolutely right. I'm 100% sure that early internet chatting forced me to actually care about what others thought, and order my opinions and ideas sympathetically. As a kid I endured rough family environment and bullying at school so I barely spoke (to the point that they didn't notice I had brackets for years, and I had stunned pronunciation), but by the time I joined university I was outspoken in class and people said I had a way with words. To this day I think anonymous chatting helped me a lot.

“We eat. We poop.” - Elliot Sang, 2023

@rigelb9025

Жыл бұрын

We eat We poop And Elliot sang. (Haïkù).

@kylehassan972

Жыл бұрын

I've been saying this for years. It's so crazy how our lives revolve around these two things

for me, confidence was not something I got from doing something someone else told me. It was mainly just realizing that im the main character in my life, but not everybody else’s and for the most people, people aren’t going to pay attention or think about what i do or how i look. and for some reason that rly comforted me and helped me be more outwardly me!

Elliot and Annamarie crossover made my squishy brain feel some dopamine

@rigelb9025

Жыл бұрын

Your comment had the same effect on mine. And yes, it's pretty squishy.

@sukritisingh777

Жыл бұрын

I got so excited and happy!

@Reed5016

Жыл бұрын

Same

Tay’s segment in “in the meaning of confidence” made me cry. I’m not a doomer but I definitely lived with a foreshortened future due to trauma. A lot of my loved gen z’s are doomers, and it’s so hard to see them without hope. Tay articulated their point so beautifully, it helped me have confidence in speaking to hope a little more. To me, confidence comes from a trust, faith, and preparedness. The only way you can be steadfast in something is knowing you have the tools or the know how to get through something, even unknowns. Thanks for the video.

"to me, more than a crisis of confidence there's also a crisis in kindness" Truer words have never been said

Thing is confidence is something that you’ll have to earn.. by actually going “out” of your comfort zone.

i'm so at peace to see another person verbalizing and recognizing problems that truly matter in the modern world. thank you for being such an awesome human :')

“Unless it is Rihanna, Rihanna can’t sing” 😂 Love Foreign❤

As a person who’s really struggling rn and going through social anxiety, thank you for talking about such difficult topics! This made me realize my experience isn’t necessarily unique (in the best way)

I love, love, LOVE this video. A lot of my anxiety is rooted in my lack of confidence - I'm scared of other people and what they'll think/do if I don't meet their standards. I've realized that my confidence depended a lot on and was limited by what other people thought of me, but I'm slowly working on sourcing that confidence from myself. I know that I'm smart and all of these amazing things - I can see that in myself and that should be enough for me. I'm working on prioritizing my own validation over others (in a healthy way, of course). This video opened up even more ideas for me to explore when it comes to regaining my confidence... thank you so much!

Absolutely loved this video. It touched upon so much of the human condition and honestly gave me plenty of food for thought for all the things I do feel anxious and insecure about. Confidence in the mainstream sense has always felt elusive but I guess I understand it.. and myself a bit better after watching this. I feel incredibly grateful that you and everyone else who joined you in this made this. Thank you, truly!

I'm a pretty woman somewhat overweight and I also happen to hate having my photos taken for reasons completely unrelated to how I look, I'm simply the one who likes to e behind the lense. My Instagram is filled with photos of landscapes and cats and very little photos of myself (all of them faceless for privacy reasons) and so many people ask if it's because I'm not confident or don't like my looks. Nope, I'm just a little awkward and dislike having my face out there. This obsession with confidence comes off as an excrutiating lack of confidence.

@chesspiece4257

11 ай бұрын

yeah i don’t like taking photos of myself either! i’ve had people tell me to “be more confident” when joining in on group photos and i’m just like…photos never capture *me*, especially staged ones where i look at the camera. if im making eye contact im already faking something

Loved the auto tune comparison to humanity as well. Such a good discussion.

This is officially one of the best video essays I've ever watched in my entire life. I am a person that does watch thewizardliz and uses her as my inspiration and I also watch loads of videos on"how to be confident", "how to become the best version of yourself", but I found this video an extremely important other point of view and definitely something that I'll keep in mind in this process of growing that we call life. It was so crazy that something I'd been craving for so long was also something I didn't even know the meaning of. It was very educative to view so many opinions in here. I really thank you all for your amazing and respectful discussion, it'll definitely help me a lot!

Because confidence sounds like the abracadabra of life, the medicine to all your problems(well, most)...if your were confident you could've talked to that girl/guy. If you were confident you would have done well in that interview, if you were confident you wouldn't care what people thought of you, if you were confident you wouldn't live in constant fear of what other people thought of you. I feel like people want confidence for different reasons, but at the end of the day, it's all really the same to patch up whatever insecurity they have.

Incredibly insightful video Elliot! 10/10 for this deconstruction of "confidence" in the context of capitalism and patriarchal masculinity. Hell even some philosophy and ontology too. Like you said, addressing the issue of a lack of confidence means, tautologically, just that-addressing that sense of lack in the first place. And in order to identify why so many of us have insecurities and self-doubt, like you demonstrated, it's important to look beyond the individual into the inequalities inherent in our society. In our modern digital age, we're oversaturated with "junk data", wherein the cream of the crop floats to the top of the algorithm and becomes the new standard for us to compare ourselves to. Comparison is the thief of joy as they say, because comparisons essentially play out in two ways: superiority or inferiority. These comparisons are how we base our sense of self (ego). The reason you lack confidence is because you learned somewhere along the way that you couldn't successfully do something, usually from a direct experience involving failure. Then you see others do it and compare yourself, identifying with your failure/lack of capability and carry that shame with you. Ultimately, not letting negative experiences and comparisons define you is the road to eliminating the shadow of insecurity and allowing your natural confidence shine. It's not something you have to gain, it's already inside you. Just like the realization that happiness is inside you too, and you don't have to be anyone or anything else to achieve it. Work through your setbacks so you can get back (on track). Just subscribed to everyone involved and their incredibly sharp thoughts!

@lowtech42

Жыл бұрын

Even the idea of being mid is still subscribing to the idea of a comparative label. How do you know what mid looks like without someone else to base our on lol. Taking it even a step further, we could be free by just ... being! No self-limiting labels or ego involvement at all.

Without making "being mentally healthy" that goal we're trying to move towards, I think we need to spend some time talking about how many people believe they're not confident specifically because they are suffering from structural issues which prevent less rigid forms of thinking. Again, without using mental illness as a buzz word, anxiety about being more confident is actually probably a much healthier reaction to capitalist patriarchy than despondency or catatonic depression. Elliot touched on this briefly, but I'd like to see this explored a bit more.

I guess I am pretty confident. I'm good at what I do, and I have the ability to recognise areas where I should delegate to others. I also don't feel any need for anyone to like me personally, as I realise that trying to change for the approval of others would be unfulfilling. I guess it ties into a sort of philosophical functionalism; I tend to analyse things, including thought and belief, as means of achieving certain goals, and reject ideas of essential nature.

confidence is peace of heart and spirit what you those guys are after is control and power

I feel like most people who say they like confident people, just are saying they like people who are extroverted or loud... but I don't think being an introvert makes someone less confident. It's just a matter of how much socializing one actually enjoys, but otherwise has nothing to do with confidence. I know a lot of people who are introverts who are also verbally loud and seem very gregarious, and vice versa I know people like myself who are extroverts that love socializing but are verbally quiet and enjoy staying home. But the matter of confidence, I think is something that nobody else can really judge because it's an inner feeling that only you can feel for yourself. You can say you're the best person in the world, and maybe not truly believe it, or you can say you're terrible at something even if you know you're good (humble brag). I'm looking at you artists who always say you're awful, when you 100% know you have way above average skills. I know because I used to do it, when in reality I was confident in my artistic ability but just wanted to sound humble towards others who compliment me and soften any potential rejection (I attribute this more to things like adhd overthinking and anxiety than actual inner confidence). It is not a good habit to keep, though, because it discourages future potential artists if you as the veteran artist tell a newbie artist that your art (which that person looks up to), is not good enough, and that person who is still developing may start to feel that about themselves too, even if you actually don't believe that your art is bad. That's why I stopped doing it. The same applies to other things too, such as putting yourself down to make another person feel better (which doesn't, especially if THEY believe that you're better than them, it makes them feel even worse). As a woman that happens ALL the time with women saying they don't like something about their appearance, when you think they're very beautiful, maybe even more so than yourself, and that can result in lowered confidence in yourself if you know that they are considered by society to be more beautiful than yourself, especially if you are not familiar with that woman, if you don't know if she could have self image issues that only apply to herself, or if she knows she's beautiful and is just humble-bragging and maybe even thinks you're ugly. People should be more cautious about how their words can affect others especially in public spaces where nobody knows each other or their tendencies and habits, they don't know how exactly to interpret their words.

"Confidence is not a lack of weakness, it's a radical acceptance of everything about yourself" Confident people ask for help when they need it, recognizing their weaknesses and flaws. Confident people feel shame when they've done something worthy of shame, but they listen to that feeling and then adapt their behaviour. Confidence isn't about being perfect, being the best at everything; it's about accurately assessing yourself, knowing your strengths and your weaknesses.. and accepting it all.

i love this whole video so much. i’m super insecure but i think i’m pretty charismatic and i never thought i could describe myself like that. i never thought charisma and confidence could be separated enough to include edit: how i feel, socially. also holy fucking shit i’ve never watched finn before but i’ve never heard another trans person so perfectly express the terror/euphoria of being trans. like yes fuck i literally came out to myself during a camping trip where i woke up alone in a heavenly solitude and one of the first thoughts i had was “oh yeah… i’m a boy” 😂 and then it still took me a couple years (and other bullshit) to really come out to anyone. and it was terrifying but lovely and still so.

I’m so glad I listened to this. It is so easy to give up, but I want to live with the ability to unhitch my idea of self from my accomplishments or lack thereof.

Discovering your channel has been one of the best things ever! I really enjoy how you don't just tackle real life issues with only research and theory but include real people with real problems and experiences in their lives. In a world that is seems to only show the extraordinary outliers it is assuring to see people talking about being confident and less insecure in just being. Because often times the fear of just being is what drives to debilitating anxiety. It is so refreshing. Your videos always come out with the exact topic that I am struggling in my personal life.

I love that you drew separate conclusions from your different conversations that were all so insightful. That seemed very thoughtful and appreciative.

The point at 43:35 gave me a lot of thought fodder, and I think it may be one of the reasons for the obsession with (lack of) confidence - it makes our sense of unease and uncertainty seem easily identifyable, and manageable, within our control. If we think we know what steps to take to make ourselves feel better, and never take them, we always have something to point to and say, well there is the issue. Also this was not mentioned during the video, but I was wondering if confidence maybe superseded the concept of "honour", as a source/measure of self-assuredness and social standing? And how that would map onto societies where honour is central to the perception of yourself and others? Not sure, lol, keeping with the spirit of putting out imperfect ideas. Yay for being mid, and kindness, and asking for help! And yay for more Foreign collabs, seems like you two vibe so well!

That last sentence really summed it up :’) confidence is to be okay with being mid

I am so ready for this!!

Bro you give me hope and make me feel a little less suicidal. Thanks, man

@nicolem9930

Жыл бұрын

sending you so much love 💜 i'm rooting for your happiness and peace and i hope you have a lovely week :)

@xtdycxtfuv9353

Жыл бұрын

Just a swing. You’ll return to that place. This guy is a egotistical fraud.

An insightful quote that really hit me: (from Tay at 30:15) "The engine of optimism [is] more productive to ending the things that [make] me anxious about impending doom"

Imagine being Thom Yorke on an insecure day, watching this video, starting to feel better about yourself and then BOOM! 27:03 Sad times.

@Scottni2

9 ай бұрын

Lmao,was hoping someone was gonna comment on that 😂

I’d be more confident if I wasn’t such a stupidass all the time and I’d probably make a stupid ass of myself less if I felt more confident 😅 This feels like one of those “can’t get the job with experience, can’t get experience without the job” situations.

@verybarebones

Жыл бұрын

Confident ppl dont care about being a stupidass, long as youre not hurting anybody and doing your best to improve you deserve to feel good with yourself ❤

@yoshin1666

Жыл бұрын

Well the first step is stop calling yourself a stupid ass and stop telling yourself you can't be more confident

@elliotsangestevez

Жыл бұрын

it really is a cycle. it has to stop somewhere though. either u stop being a stupidass or you start being confident! u start with one and the other goes

@elliotsangestevez

Жыл бұрын

plus you’re probably not a stupidass whatever that is

I loved this video so much. The discussion was super engaging and enjoyed the different perspectives approaching this topic. Also, super excited to see befly on your channel again!

I don't have a paragraph this time. I've watched it twice now and the ending warms my heart to the core. Thank you, Elliot.🥰☺😄

Nothing feels worse than seeing a person who's younger than you are being more successful. I am 19 with absolutely nothing going for myself, I have no skills, or talents, I probably want graduate highschool (I'm still in school because I got held back), I work a job where I take 9.50, I still can't drive, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do after school. Meanwhile there's these 17 year olds making more money than I ever will in my life and living my wildest dreams

@kalicasts

Жыл бұрын

Ikr. But that's life I guess, it's not fair. Some people were just born lesser and are meant to be below the others. I mean you can't have #1 without #30, you can't have a winner without a loser. Some people are just destined to be nothing. Sucks I know that's why I no longer wish to live long

@draekalloy3673

Жыл бұрын

Nothing is set in stone my friend. It's not about where you start, nor is it about where you end up. It's about taking the small victories as they come. Of course, no one ever knows what hand they will be dealt next, but that's not a reason to indulge in endless pessimism.

@geo2562

Жыл бұрын

you shouldn't compare yourself to others, of course there is always going to be someone in a better position then you in life no matter how far you are. You should just focus on your own life and accomplish your goals at your own pace and someone will probably think the same about you. :)

@NothingYouHaventReadBefore

11 ай бұрын

​@@kalicasts I mean, your worldview assumes that someone is inherently better than someone else. Tell me the exact metrics of how someone is better than someone else, not just 'vibes' or whatever. The exact metrics. Because I don't think those metrics hold up to scrutiny. Stop torturing yourself. You are, and you are here. That's all that matters.

@ae1itaaa

11 ай бұрын

same but I even don't work

It’s all about knowing your self value in a balanced way. Don’t overvalue yourself or you’ll become an insecure narcissist. Don’t undervalue yourself because you obviously don’t want to do that. Just have a value where you respect yourself in a humble way and only accept fair respect from others and not tolerate nothing less. That’s how I see it. I loved this video btw :)

I love this video. I just love it. Thank you so much, you put my exact thoughts in such a good wording and in this piece of art. I have been thinking how much the confidence moguls were letting these teenagers get a god complex thinking they own the world because "they think highly of themselves" . Confidence comes with experience, with growth. It's not being the best where ever you go, it's about being ok if there are people who are better than you (in any type of way). Of course you can fake it until you make it but it may take more time than really gowing through pain that could possibly get to you. It makes me actually pretty mad how most of the fake confident people think being rude, mean and disrespectful is the epitome of confidence because it's not. There is no way these people are actually confident, considering they treat themselves exactly like they treat you. For me personally it helped a lot to do charity, help others and be more empathetic

Dude your videos are always so current. Good job!

It may not _sound_ like it but Thom Yorke can definitely sing 🤣

i think it’s because confidence is INSANELY attractive. like this girl made me realise i’m bi just because of how confident she was like omg

@animefood0818

10 ай бұрын

Dayumn

True to that. Like with everything else, the point is not being confident about everything all the time. It's about learning to act despite your doubts. And it's also s process. Lack of confidence is not a badge of shame (or honor), it's only the badge of experience.

You are a great listener. It was so refreshing to hear multiple perspectives. Thank you for this video

This video is so perfect. So much wisdom shared. Thank you ❤

So many interesting points in this video! Thank you for the great work

Thanks for this video ! Adding my little take on how I figured out what kind of self-love I am searching for : My ideal would be being confident, and humble at the same time. It can seem like a contradition, two extremes of a spectrum, but I picture them on two different axes. 1- the Confidence to Insecurity axis 2- the Ego to Humility axis Insecurity (shame, lack of confidence, salf-hatre ...) is the "evil twin" of Humility (being self-less, able to receiving criticism...). Ego (pride, narcissism, self-absorbed, a type of self love that is conditionnal to success/goodness/expectations on identity...), is the "evil twin" of Confidence (actual self-esteem, unconditionnal sense of self-worth, acceptance of who you are as an "objective fact" without jugement, healthy self-love...). Ego and Insecurity feed each other. They are also fed by validation, excuses, jugement (positive and negative). They come with/from a "self-conscious" type of introspection. Whereas healthy Confidence and Humility feed each other, and come with/from a "self-aware" type of introspection. Hope this makes sense ! It's kinda simple but it took me a while to organise those concepts in my mind. (This explanation is very systematic and caricatural since this is how I comprehend complex things the best but I try to keep aware that reality is more nuanced.)

Lots of insightful points here by all contributors..

I feel this all goes back to the fact we're used to instant gratification now and to be confident you need to except almost everything is a process and so you need to act and keep on doing so. ❤

legit so thankful i've found your channel, i feel like you put words on so many things i've been thinking about

honestly i notice it helped if i already had some confidence while viewing self confidence content. i am a big believer in manifestation as in-what you tell yourself and the messages you feed yourself you will do or subconsciously agree with. thewizardliz also believes in this, and i think it only works to a certain extent. her personal likes of material things are ok as long as she’s not pulling an andrew tate and claiming it’s what defines a woman’s worth the way rate thinks a man’s worth is defined by fancy cars. it’s clear she’s well off and feeds into the system of capitalism, but so many of us have to just to afford an education and career to survive on more than just the bare minimum. women are often socialized to suppress their needs and act out our hurt in discreet manners, so i truly don’t think she can ever be compared to someone like andrew (not saying you are, just that many do) let alone any male confidence youtuber catered toward men. it can’t fix world wars and political conflict, but having basic self esteem and self worth is a skill many people lack when only consuming media agreeing w/ their politics and never doing any self reflection. a constant defeatist attitude is just as unhealthy as a never ending sigma grindset. i think some of this self confidence content is a good stepping stone to eventually implementing that in real life and learning healthier habits to socialize properly.

I've grown much more confident over the years, and I attribute it to two things: learning and making. Particularly, learning about human behavior, child development, psychology, and how our physical body affects our psychology has done a lot of good. Take the time to make and do things. Being able to make things can give you a sense of control and power over your own life. It takes time, but trust that you'll get there.

I’m so happy that this video was longer than usual, loved it 🤩

This was amazing thank you ❤ it's great to know I'm not alone in these feelings.

Confidence isn't an infinite resource pool and it sucks that when it inevitably runs low, people (kinda selfishly) just expect you to go get more....

This was really interesting. Today, during Religious Studies, I learned about Immanuel Kant's legitimacy principle, although really really simplified. It was about living with (a set of) principles and rules that you sticked to. You can see this in Christianity and other religions but also in these things (Villain Arc, Manosphere, 'It' Girl, High Value) on social media that promote progressive confidence. I found that it's based on insecurities and anxiety (using translate here in Dutch it's 'angst'), anxiety about that that we can't control namely life. It's simple to stick to these rules without much thought, but we have this intrinsic question we ask ourselves "why?". Why do you follow this rule? What is it about? etc. But that why is suppressed by your anxiety and insecurities. You'll be intolerant, because of those questions you'll ask yourself after standing still about those principles and rules. It may be that accepting that we live in a chaotic world would be more freeing than denying it by the Top G or That Girl.

The quality of your videos is astounding. Thank you for doing what you do.

Really needed this

Great analysis!! I’d like to add that society’s heightened sense of “confidence” is actually masked insecurity, reads like a reaction more than a response to life experience. I’ve always believed that confidence is silent or it’s a deep inner knowing of perceived self not an outward display of righteousness..

"touch grass" does not count if its some grass in a pot on your window

This is honestly one of my favorite videos from this channel so far! Thank you all for being super insightful, and keep up the good work! 💜

@dariuspalmer2829

Жыл бұрын

Stay strong brother we are in this together

I'll definitely come back to this video, really positive message that's very needed as a reminder of how complex ones confidence can be

Such an amazing video thank you so much 🙏

just subbed. excellent video man, thank you. confidence is not nearly as important as authenticity and cultivating interests. passion. curiosity. these things are substantive. confidence can be completely vapid. imo it's important to get away from relative states of being.

Perfect timing!🖤

i often come across shy bc I'm just not very loud and generally very introspective, observant and just love to be by myself (while also liking people). internally i'm very confident and just a happy person. people might not believe that bc they somehow connect confidence with loudness. great video, thank you :)

wow! great conversations this video healed my soul just enough to take action in my life. keep doing whatever ur doing its great stuff

Nf said it best "there is a big difference between confidence and arrogance"

It’s so refreshing seeing normal people and not hyper attractive , Hollywood esque figures. Hopefully the next pendulum shift is towards this type of content and away from the current status quo.

Amazing video! This came at a perfect time for me thank you elliott, keep it up!

I believe confidence is a spectrum and your level depends on your environment and what it is that you are trying to do. Its practice makes perfect for a skill. America is all about perceived confidence and that is what we have seen in the media for the past 50 years. As long as you appear confident.. And its the same basic traits, you are a winner. And narcissists and insecure people have learnt to fake it and/or act like it instead of truly earning it

@pulse3554

Жыл бұрын

In the west, inflated capital due to colonialism has allowed for this “perceived confidence” to be come valued. Other places recognize that you can have a range of confidence intervals among a varied set of vectors in your life. This is at least what I’ve observed as a first gen Asian in North America. “Fake it till you make it” culture essentially

“Our desire for a better world should not ruin our process of living in this one” WOW

Great video. I've loved listening to all the different perspectives :)

Confidence comes with self awareness.

The concept of confidence from the inside really doesn't make sense to me. Confidence for me is a product of past success, and that is almost always an external feedback. If I land a small jump on my bike I can slowly build confidence to hit bigger jumps. I'm confident at work because I can look back on my last 10 years of success in my career. I'm not confident in dating because of years of rejection and getting nowhere. I have no reason to be confident here.

finally watching!!! love a long video essay

As always with your stuff, this video is incredibly insightful and eye-opening. However all I have to add is that Thom Yorke is a fucking AMAZING singer! Bro was NOT listening when he heard Paranoid Android.

@elliotsangestevez

Жыл бұрын

i'm with you!

@blakesamuels1092

Жыл бұрын

I was look for this comment haha

The algorithm sent me your way this morning and I'm really impressed with your content. Looking forward to perusing your back catalogue. (: Thanks for your effort!