Thank you for being so open Chris. We will get no where with men's mental health until we start talking about it. Yours a fellow autistic with poor mental health

I’m sure this wasn’t an easy topic for you. I’m glad you’re still here! I truly am. Several months ago I lost my uncle to suicide. Trains was a passion that the two of us shared. He had a lot of train and railway collectibles and prints and models and they were always something that the two of us enjoyed together. I have ended up inheriting all of that stuff and as a result my bedroom is literally piled with his stuff. I literally live every day with the end result of suicide. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t miss him and wish he were still here. He never talked about it or reached out for help, and I wish he had. He was only 57. Rip David Chester Newhall. If anyone is interested in who he was as a person, he does have some videos posted here on KZread under the name david newhall. It would mean a great deal to me if others shared in his joy and passion

You've been very brave to open up here Chris. It's not easy to talk about ones struggles. We're all here for you, no matter what, I know how hard for you it must have been to have to basically force your recovery to get back into work. We'll all be patient with you and most importantly of all, do take it easy on yourself

@Plokman040

8 ай бұрын

Indeed, the true definition of brave. Doing what is best, not the easiest.

Growing up with dyspraxia made high school hell for me. Trying to express my special interests while being on the spectrum *and* catching up on emotional/mental maturity made me public enemy #1 with every bully you could think of. This has left me with extreme anxiety and fear of fucking up social interactions. Though you won't recognise me under this username (you may recognise my top hat from the times we've met!), meeting you and seeing how approachable you are for general chatting, even when you're busy shooting footage for future use. I'm always afraid that I'm one over-enthusiastic comment away from being socially rejected, especially with the added stress of parasocial relationships with youtube "celebrities" (for lack of better term). Your openness about your mental health is greatly appreciated, as it's easy to forget that those we see behind carefully edited footage on one subject is but a fraction of the real person beneath.

@JohnDavies-cn3ro

8 ай бұрын

Thank you, my friend. I identify with everything you say from my own personal experiences. Can't say more than that now - church duty is calling - but keep on speaking out. We have to stand together in common humanity and fellowship, one with another. God bless

One of the things I’m going to say is that working on a railway has actually and quite literally saved my life. I used to be quite depressed and often bored of life because I had nothing to do but play games. I now work on two railways. I work with Standard 4 Group at the ELR who straight on the first day, kindly took me on as one of their workers. I may have discussed this with you on Facebook before about how I started there to get on the Steam Department. This didn’t happen because of regular issues I had with their department, along with them more or less telling me to “Fuck off” because I have a red to green deficiency. I may have mentioned it made me depressed. But I started at Foxfield where I was openly accepted both for who I am, where my eye disability was waved out of the way and they were happy to shove me infront of an engine and say “There ya go, let’s get you cleaning.” I fear that big railways have become too big for their boots, happy to dismiss anyone despite losing members. Since I joined Foxfield, 20 members at ELR have left the steam department, and it’s no wonder honestly. Heritage railways are slowly dying and I think that’s honestly kind of the depressing part. It’s becoming increasingly harder to keep them open and running because of the cost of coal and water, etc. Whilst I get exhausted from my work, I do love working at the railways and I honestly don’t feel I could stop, ever. It’s addicting to me. I have rest days where I can. But I love working for them. This is why it’s saved my life. At the start of this year as I mentioned I was very depressed, very anxious, and for the past year was borderline suicidal before I started working at the railway. I didn’t talk to anyone, I played games most of the time and… honestly? There’s two people kept me going before I joined the railway, and I can’t thank them enough. So now I’m a cleaner at Foxfield. And hopefully I’ll be a driver some day.

Thank you for saying what needed to be said. And thank you for being you.

Always remember Chris, 'The light at the end of the tunnel isn't always a train'. Better days ahead my friend. Take care of yourself.

@Plokman040

8 ай бұрын

Every cloud has a silver lining, but first there must be clouds. Take it a day at a time and I hope that you have a good day. That includes anyone who reads this, I got your back if I can ever help.

What 2023 has taught me is that it’s ok to be yourself. Even thought I think there’s a lot of people which don’t understand about a subject like this. You just need to ignore them and be you

Chris I wish I could give you a hug

the Story of Eggy is particularly poignant for this video. A story of success, despite what may seem a flaw. Some organizations in my experience will be more allowing than others either from liabilities and insurance, Safety concerns, outright prejudice or some combination of those factors and others. The disabled need to communicate "hey, some things about me might take some getting used to/need some refinement in training" but the organization needs to communicate back either with understanding or be crystal clear as to why a need could not be met (for better or worse). Despite what walls you, dear reader, might see or face in yourself or in organizations, it is not the end. You are a strong person, and can work with and overcome what walls you encounter like Eggy. You're not alone in your struggles, but many before you overcame challenges, and can impart that wisdom and resolve on to you. Chris, thank you for the video and don't ever stop being awesome yourself.

Growing up in a place where people who are into railways are rare, I got bullied most of my childhood because of the stuff I enjoy, there even still a lot of that going on, but meeting some of my closest friends who are also into the same things, it makes me feel at peace, I also got called annoying by a lot of classmates and teachers due to ADHD, stuff has thankfully gotten better. Its really conforting seeing people talk about stuff a lot of people dont acknowledge or just glance over. Thank you Chris.

Thank you for being so open, I thought I’d share a positive story in the fact that this year I have both suffered serious mental health troubles and come out of the closet. And when I opened up my railway family at the Mid Hants Railway have really pulled round to help me and make me feel valued, I couldn’t have done what I have this year without the support I have received from my mid Hants freinds. Volunteering at heritage railways is what my life’s passion is and now have started at the Swanage Railway too this autumn. With autism I’ve been able to still progress to the ranks of Guard and Signalman on the Mid Hants and have started learning the footplate and Swanage. I did have a couple of detractors that had to battle but because the vast majority supported me I battled through and am now very happy volunteering at 2 railways I love. Just thought I’d share so to give people hope in the darkest times it often gets better!

So many topics touched on here. I really hate the "back in the day we didn't..." talk, because it's obviously coming from people who speak from ignorance or denial. Particularly given how many people "back in the day" were dealing with things like PTSD and other war injuries leading to physical and mental disability. The reason things are the way they are now is because "back in the day" things weren't working and it was obvious changes needed to be made. Letting a generation of men lose themselves to alcoholism (and worse) "back in the day" wasn't a solution. Pretending there wasn't a problem wasn't a solution, and further, "back in the day" it was obvious that solutions needed to be sought! This kind of forced ignorance of the good old days annoys me so much because who do these boomers and gen-Xer's think changed things? Millenials? Gen-Z? It's as though the very concept of linear time escapes them! It was the people "back in the day" who saw all the things that happened "back in the day" and knew it was unacceptable and moved to change things! But somehow they think it's the fault of people younger than themselves, rather than the generation before them. It just boggles my mind. Anyway I hope you're feeling better. I suffered several years of severe and very nasty depression when I was younger and received only minimal help with it. Every few years I still have a few bad months. But it always gets better. And it will only get better if you stick around for it to get better. This is a lesson I learned in a very hard manner, but the older I get the more force it carries.

Railroading is the most hard and grueling thing I have ever undertaken. Long days and nights back to back becomes old fast. Fellow railroaders range from awesome to quirky to straight up toxic. It is not all sunshine and rainbows, not for the faint of heart. Some days I wonder if its worth it and the next I'm on cloud 9 enjoying everything. Gotta see the light in everything, no matter how tough it gets.

Brilliant Chris ! Greetings from Perth Western Australia . 😊

Same thing happened to me when I was told that farmers don’t like hiring people with disabilities because they don’t enough time to train and support them

Thank you. For everything. That's all. Just, thank you.

Ah, still dealing with the fall out of being sexually abused as a teen at a railway I shall not name. Having had the pleasure of some things going south recently followed by tipping petrol all over myself and getting in a delightful stand off with the police and ending up in the psychiatric ward for months and having lots of ECT followed by several paracetamol overdoses after getting out the ward good on you for talking about such things. Back at work now but not back to filming anything or being particularly back to engaging with railways much.

@Plokman040

8 ай бұрын

I wish I could do more, but I can only follow the best philosopher I have known in my life. 😣 To give you all my best and say I hope you have a good day, if not today then very soon. I know it isn't much, but my Philosophy mentor gave me a code to get some changes done subtlety. To those you interact with whom do not judge you or attack your feelings for no good reason tell them "Thank you and that you hope they have a nice day" What was done to you is a sick crime and I hope those who did such things get what they deserve. You I hope feel better sooner rather than later, I only suffer ADHD and PTSD those cannot compare to the atrocity you were put through. 😥 I do hope this comes out as me being helpful and not insensitive, I would never try to hurt someone. Especially a fellow rail fan, I wish you all the best.

@HamStrains

8 ай бұрын

@@Plokman040 thank you. It's a tricky one to mention or talk about as the railway involved has since implemented good practices to protect people and to bring it up risks harming the efforts of so many who did nothing wrong and a railway that brings so many joy, hence not naming it openly.

Chris I know what it's like I live in the United States and I like trains. I keep to myself about my interest in trains. Because I was harassed by people in my school about it. And I have depression about it I tried to get the teachers and principal to do something but they said that I needed to grow up and stop liking trains I'm a freshman in highschool

@ttteproductions7609

8 ай бұрын

same tbh some people in this world are really full of shit

@railfan2008

8 ай бұрын

@@ttteproductions7609 agree

@Plokman040

8 ай бұрын

If you had grown up around here you would have been in good company, I live in the midwest and trains were never seen as a bad thing to enjoy. You would of also had a friend who would have been happy to talk rails.

A man who looks at the worlds issues and clearly addresses it - thanks for making me aware of what other people go through:]

THANK YOU Chris for opening up about this and putting these issues out there for us to discuss, or worse still, be made aware of. If I may, I'd like to share my experiences as well with mental health, with the goal of hoping others can open up about it too. I volunteered for many years in preservation in Australia, for various organisations. Without even knowing it at the time as a teenager, I was subjected to quite horrendous amounts of bullying, victimisation and exclusion by various boomer aged volunteers and higher ups, however culturally in these organisations, this was supposedly something you just had to put up with to get anywhere near or onto a footplate, so put up with it I did... and still got no where with my dreams of being on the footplate (And to serve those organisations with full dedication and commitment). I made various complaints and tried raising my concerns about the way I was treated, but really was just given the opportunity to vent my grief and no further action taken beyond that.... apparently my issues weren't as important compared to keeping those boomers perpetrating the behaviour. I left the preservation movement in my late 20s as the pressures of everyday life, career, personal relationships, having a mortgage, etc, chewed up any free time I had to do anything railway related, which you covered in a previous video. Sadly, all the issues from my youth from bullying would catch up to me during Covid and manifest themselves as anxiety and later anger issues, for which I've since sought help to try and resolve. I still feel a deep seated feeling of anger, bitterness and resentment towards the preservation movement for how I was treated in my Youth. However, as time goes on, there is a slow but positive changing of the guard, and these issues and behaviours are slowly being diminished. However, it's not changing fast enough to ensure survival of many of these organisations who now, and for years have started crying poor for a lack of volunteers, interest and commitment to keeping their organisation going.... issues which they created years prior by allowing this culture and behaviour to be promoted. Chris, It saddens me to hear you were really at the end of your energy when it comes to dealing with life overall and considered putting an end to it, of course, glad you didn't, and glad now you're raising these issues to light. Thanks for allowing me to share my experience, and thanks to you and Lawrie of LMM for bringing the issues of mental health forward in our railway enthusiasts community!

I know this isn't related to this topic but I have some issues of anxiety and depression issues this year my dog was put down and it was hard for me and my family and had struggles of having a job too and I wish for a part time job and I'm worried as well for my life and I struggle with autism too and people would say to me "you don't look autistic" which really hurts me. Chris I hope you'll feel better.

Around 2021 (when I was in sixth grade second semester) things started to slip apart, and it became apparent the following year and I really needed serious mental help. Keep in mind that I was a really young teenager (I'm 15 years old now) and I struggled greatly considering I started sixth grade when COVID was a big scary thing, and that made my persona go somewhat down south. Now, I still am struggling with my mental conditions every so often, but I always vent my troubles to anyone at any chance I get. This video (while 7 months old) is a reinforcement of why mental health (for both men and women) should be more widespread than just, "celebrate this thing on specific day," or something like that. Thank you Chris. This is by a teen who is from NC.

Hi Chris, thanks for having the courage to share this. I had no idea exactly what you have been going through, very glad that you are here with us today. If you remember, it was great to see you briefly at The Dean Forest Railway's gala back in October. I will say that I have sympathy with the older generations involved in heritage railways. There has been a huge amount of change in a short period of time while I, a millennial, have been alive, let alone their lifetimes. This is not to excuse any bad behaviour, merely to say it isn't a surprise to see the wider societal generational divide play out here as well. Ideally there needs to be understanding and good communication from both sides, but I can imagine people who have vital skills in other areas may not have high emotional intelligence or the ablity to be sensitive when required. It is sad to see volunteer organisations shut out willing volunteers, however I think internal politics, cliques or people just not getting along are a fact of life in any organisation and something we will always have to deal with.

*sending hugs* I came damn close to ending it all back in 2009. I was working for a major cruise line at the time. The combination of overwork, stress, bullying and being stuck on a ship with my coworkers/bullies was not fun. I quit that job, things got better and I found a community of like-minded train nerds through KZread. Sadly there were a few days when I just didn’t feel up to volunteering (which I was doing at a steam railway and also a maritime museum back then). Things have improved now, although having moved house I no longer volunteer at those other places, but I have done a bit of volunteering at the Summerlee museum in Coatbridge since the move. That got interrupted for a couple of years by the pandemic, but that's another story.

I wish you the energy for infinite persistence.

Chris, I hope you're proud of the exceptional programme you've made here. It seems to me that what what you deliver is hugely important for so many communities. Well done and keep well Chris, David from Rave.

Wow. Thanks for sharing that Chris, I admire your courage coming out about what's happened to you. Personally, I think depending on what railway you work on, things are getting better for Autistic people but then you hear about something happening on someone else's railway that was really uncalled for, and it does make me think we maybe should have some kind of organisation to help disabled people in the heritage railway sector to advise people with disabilities and people in charge of the railways what to do; how to say the correct thing or the correct approach to dealing with disabled volunteers and give disabled volunteers help in certain areas....but then again, I was always a dreamer.

thank you so much for this Chris. I'm autistic myself and have experienced physical and non physical bullying and discrimination at a previous work and throughout certain parts of education, so I really appreciate your video. You were very brave and open with this video. We all need to talk more about mental health and disabilities. So once again Chris, thank you.

Thank you so much for sharing your story Chris. So many people struggle with mental health, and yet many people chose to just look down at them, and really, it breaks my heart when people don’t take situations like this seriously. The only way we as people can improve, is if we choose to respect each other for our differences and health, and treat everyone the way they would like to be treated. I’m sure it was not easy for you to open up about this, but we are all grateful you did, as it will help others, and take your time to recover, as none of us mind waiting for content, what we do mind is if your overstressing yourself, and making things hard for yourself just to get a video out for us every week/month. Your health is far more important.

Good on you, even outside of Railways Mental Health is a major issue. I have PTSD, and it is a terrible thing to get through and that is only PTSD. I have no idea what you guys on the spectrum go through, I also can't imagine the LGBT community have being so prosecuted. Chris I had no idea you had a tumor, but I wish I had. Because I would of been there helping get the word out that you could use help, cancer is a four letter word in my house because my dad lost his voice box, thyroid and now has a Trache so he breaths through a hole in his neck. My uncle too recently had a bout with it, they caught it earlier and now it is shrinking on its own, which is amazing seeing how his body was already under stress from bypass surgery. I hope the operation is the only one you ever need for such, I also am so glad you didn't leave us, my friend it would be a major tragedy if you were to leave us before your time. I have a good therapist, heck he is a old friend who went to school with me and he has been helping me. But I don't live paycheck to paycheck in the way you do for me it is SSI due to my disability. It allows me more freedom and I am going to start a Patreon soon to go with my attempt to build a toy company through videos. Yes Trains will be made for it too, you don't need to ask. Hmm this needs addressing in a more effective way, much like Michael J. Fox did with Parkinson's there needs to be a "organization for the mentally vulnerable". Which includes LBGT I wish at this moment I could indeed found it, but I am not one who can as I am starting my dream project. But no matter what we need better awareness and understanding, screw that person who said " I know why they used to lock them up" because if they had their way my late mother would of been thrown away when she was born as she had Spinal Bifida. Robin Williams as well as Jason David Frank are key examples of why we need to get the word out there. Everyone needs support on their worries, fears and lack of hope. This is the reason I feel there is such a big Opioid problem in the US, I take hydrocodone for my leg pain and I can't imagine what those who use it for reasons not related to pain need it. But I wouldn't give up on them either. Seriously is the Talyllyn the only heritage line that cares? They sure do make it seem like it based off their official channel, I suppose the Engines are the only ones who care that you are back working with them. After all Steam Engines are alive and bond to their crews, work force and more. You don't slander those with mental issues, it is as bad as racism in my book. But I pray you never feel that way again my friend, we don't want to lose you and know you have at least one person on your side. Cheers.

Wow very well done have to say i had depression past year after loosing my dog to cancer back in may watching you guys on here has been a massive help in keeping me going got me back in to railways and the hobby in general do miss slips with our damon the dog bless his face recon he was a steam fan many thanks for the great insparation over the years cheer dan n the dogs buddy n elsie 😀😀😀

You tube is a mouse wheel. Thanks for your efforts and good luck to you Chris.

It is definitely difficult to continue of what type of work everyone is doing. The more people continue these types of work ethics, the more the stress levels will increase in anyone along with their mental health which both of them will make people fall sick or even worst. They can die from these 2 things. Chris Eden Green, I am sorry to hear that you had a tumor in your back and I wish you all the best along with good health. Keep up the good work with your fantastic videos.

At first, I was worried this would be a well written complaint about a specific group. I'm glad this was aimed more at the emotional tension of the times. I've been thinking a lot about Robin Williams recently. It's sad how many people end up committing the same act as he did. This won't work for everyone, but being grateful for what I have and not blaming other's for issues is all I need to keep me in a decent mindset most of the time. For others out there reading this who are feeling down, you are important. It is your choice weather you stay or go, but the world will not be the same without you. Don't let your potential go to waste.

Chris, I'm so sorry. We love your content and your personality, your a real character and we all appreciate how hard it can be sometimes. Take a break when you need it, we'll always keep coming back to this channel, always

Chris I rarely comment on any of the things I randomly watch. However the honesty, tact, care and concern you expressed in this video needs to be commended. The generous care you have expressed here will, I'm sure, be uplifting and of help to many others wellbeing. After 40 odd yrs as a self employed artist I understand some of the struggles that you face. Sometimes one just has to keep grinding onwards. On the plus side what you have achieved by, "taking the road less traveled", navigating your own unique course is an unusual, brave and interesting life. And along the way you have also given a great many people a great deal of pleasure, entertainment and education. Be kind to yourself.... no more that that be kind to yourself and give yourself a comendation too for a life being well lived! Best wishes. P

Thank you, Chris. By way of encouragement and support, I like your channel, often watch it and think the photos in this issue are superb - so keep it going. Looking wider, I can fully identify with NightmareRider's comments, having similar issues as a child and a very immature young adult. Well done to both of you for speaking out. I do it when appropriate, so we're part of a growing band of brothers over this. As for the bad encounters you mention - sadly they reflect a lurking issue of suppressed bigotry and prejudice against anybody who is seen as 'different' in any way, usually to a perception of male 'normality' which is itself false (think the John Wayne 'macho' image) I know several folks in my model railway circles who are openly gay, or trans - so what? Thy're good friends; we share a common interest. There are quite a lot of autistic people in the hobby too - the regularity of trains seems to have an appeal to them (I'm somewhere on the lower end of the spectrum myself) OK, sometimes we can seem a bit 'odd', but there's no harm in us. Alan Turing, as you say, was a genius, ultimately persecuted to death for the very issues that made him one, by 'authorities' who completely failed to appreciate him. He wasn't / isn't the only one. As a society we struggle to accept and respect those who are 'different' from us in any way - indeed, we demonise minorities on the grounds of creed, nationality, colour or anything else we can find, and it shows how insecure we are with ourselves. For God's sake, its time we learned better.

This is the best presentation of the subject of mens’ mental health I have ever seen. Not exclusively men’s mind but since I am one that’s how it resonated with me. Thanks Chris. I hope things balance out for you this year. -Keith

Dear Chris, it would make me very sad if you were to end it all. My son struggles with mental health, I know how exhausting and helpless it can make you feel. I struggle getting up in the morning as well because sometime everything feels to pointless. I very much appreciate you're carrying on. Sadly, I can offer you little (except by buying your DVDs, which I've done) and you owe me nothing. But I love watching your videos, with the SLIPS A4 video being a long time favourite I rewatch every other month simply because I love it so much.

Amberley is one of My most Local Railways and it’s amazing to have on of my Inspiration volunteering there! Also thank you for being so open about this Chris, yours sincerely, -A fellow Autisc

thank you for this film, Life gets in the way and think of Railways as a hobby, in partially on Special steam services, Thank you for the Video that put and if there are gaps so be it, Metal Health is major talking point.

This is a beautiful video, Chris. Thank you for always being you and for pushing on. You are important in more ways than a train and a camera are involved. May green signals continue to light your way my friend!!

Well done for sharing chris, im glad you never went through with it as your content and videos are incredible. And if your not here to make them then the world is lesser for it. Keep up the great work and look after yourself!

I agree with the notion that heritage railways can be a toxic cesspool. One thing I may add as someone who's done it is don't be afraid to go professional. In a professional setting where people understand what it means to have life and a purpose those "All you young people never show up, you're terrible" turn into "We're glad you're here, we need help". While it's not quite the same and you miss out on the interactions with fellow passionate people your passion isn't wasted, it's put to use and usually you're paid handsomely for it. I remember last time I went to volunteer at a heritage railroad they threatened to dismiss me for not showing up enough. To that I opened up my wallet, looked at my federal conductor's license, smiled and said "Okay".

Thanks for opening up to us Chris, you're a true inspiration and I really meant that

Thankyou for sharing Chris, these things are not easy to talk about letalone make a video about and share it with thousands of strangers. I too suffer with mental health, and the last few months have been very difficult and it will not get any easier. I too have autism and struggle with what the entails most days. People dont seem to understand, or they refuse to try and understand what that means for me. And it sucks ass. Well done for reaching out, that is the single most difficult thing anyone can do. Rule number 29: When you need help, ask. It dosnt make you less of a person it makes you more. Rule number 42: Sometimes, talking is enough. And Rule number 46: Dont dwell on the past, it cant be changed. We need to share out problems, so others dont feel quite so alone with their own problems.

Nobody ever deserves to feel alone in this world Chris. Everyone can be prone to mental health struggles. And without going into much detail, I have definitely had beyond my fair share of them. Having someone whether that be a relative, licensed therapist, close friend, partner or whoever is trustworthy is truly a wonderful thing. Men's mental health is not talked about near enough as it should be in this day and age. I along with, what appears to be this entire comment section and I'm sure the 23.7k+ subs you have are grateful that you're still around.

thank you.

Thank you so much for talking about this. I know how hard it is sometimes to keep acting like everything is fine and keep working because the bills are piling up.

Thank you Chris for talking about this as someone that works in mental health and is currently a trainee mental health clinician it means a lot through my personal experience and my professional experience with the mental health sector. You have no idea how much this helps people

Thanks for sharing and being so open Chris. It’s never easy to say what must be said, but I assure you that you have made the right choice to make this video. I commend you getting through the worst. I agree all too much on getting the perfect shot, as it can be a gruelling process of self-doubt and struggle. I hope dearly that things improve for you. You deserve better.

A really thought provoking piece Chris, we really need to keep these issues out in the open. At 3.13 you mention heritage volunteers being criticised for being autistic. If we turfed everyone on the spectrum out of railway preservation, a huge percentage of volunteers would be lost. Not a criticism, we all know the stereotypes, but the autistic brain can do things mainstream brains simply cannot. Keep up the great work Chris, and take care.

Wishing I could do more than offer my absolute empathy. Thank you for being so open about this.

Chris, you are one of, if not the best railroad youtubers out there, and as someone with anxiety as well, I cannot thank you enough for making this video. I absolutely love your work, and I do hope you continue despite how difficult it can be, but I also hope you take time to rest and relax when possible. I wish you well as you continue and, as Chancellor Palpatine said in THe Phantom Menace, "I'll watch your career with great interest." Cheers from the USA, and take care.

I wanted to leave a comment on this sooner, but I've struggled on how to word it. I'm truly sorry that you've had to go through what you have. You are one of my favourite creators on the internet, your videos brighten up my day whenever they appear, and this video has certainly helped me see some of my own somewhat similar similar experiences with trying to volunteer at a preserved railway, which was quite a sore spot for me, in a new light. I know KZread doesn't always support putting yourself first, but at least in my case I certainly plan to keep supporting you however I can, no matter how much time you need for yourself and to make your content.

Thank you for doing this Chris.

Thank you for talking about all this. The stuff you talked about early in the video I experienced personally and resulted in me abandoning all volunteering with heritage rail. Which I have felt for years needs to be talked about more, and seriously jeopardizes preservation efforts. Also as someone in the final weeks of post operation recovery after a surprise surgery to remove a large tumor, hearing you talk about needing to keep working anyway really stuck to me. As I recently lost my job and have had to rely on the extremely small income from my live streams I found myself working on pre and post production within a few hours of my discharge from the hospital, and was back on my live schedule within 2 days. I similarly had people in my community telling me to just rest and heal, but what they couldn't see is the time I had to spend in the hospital had cut my monthly income in half. So getting back up to speed was as fast as possible was the only option, slinging job applications, working on pre and post production, regular live streams, and working on freelance 3D commissions. The bills weren't going to wait for me and resting wasn't going to keep food on the table. While I am a stranger on the internet, and don't expect this to be read, your video has given me some level of comfort in hearing from someone with a similar experience. I am a firm believer that sharing knowledge hardships that one has is beneficial for others. Being able to see that one is not alone, I think is one of the most important assets some one who is struggling can be handed. Being isolated with an issue is a horrible thing, and sharing that vulnerability with others is very hard. So thanks for sharing with us, I hope others who need to see it find this as well.

Well done, great video Chris.

THANK YOU

Thank you for that a very interesting and informative video

Just want to say thank you, Chris, this video did a world of good.

Glad you did decide to put this video out, and I do hope it reaches peoples hearts

Well said. 💪

This is such a beautiful video, Chris. Thank you for sharing your story. It cannot of been easy to open up about your feelings and experiences. Sending you all our very best wishes. Louise & Ian

Chris, Thank you for being honest and upfront. Your perspective is important and needs to be heard. Thank you.

Brilliant Video Chris. Thinking of you through this tough time. If you get a free Saturday next year come and have a play on the GBR

it takes lots of guts and pure mental strength to open up about such tough matters like this, and if you ever need someone to lend an ear, i will be there.

All the best Chris. Love your work, and more importantly love the person you clearly are.

Chris, thank you for gauging this issue, I'm happy to know as I'm sure you'll be happy to read that this has helped me realize I'm not alone, with my metabolic condition, mental health, all of the above.

I'm glad you're still here Chris. Your videos make my life that little bit richer - same for all your viewers!

Sorry to hear about your issues Chris, I suffer from mental health issues and have harmed myself in the past, I'm glad I can get to visit preserved railways to help ease my depression (and windmills, my other passion), hope you are ok now

It means so much that you trust us all with your mental well-being Chris. I want you to know that you are beloved and appreciated on both sides of the pond and you will always have our support.

Talking is the antithesis of antibiotics - the more we do it the better it works. You made a great conversation starter here, thank you. ❤

I hope you feel better by letting everyone know your struggles, I can't say I can relate with mental health issues but have witnessed many-a-person suffer from such issues and just really hope you can keep on keeping on when times are tough. I really do agree with the sentiment about Men's Mental Health, it's a very big issue that people don't pay enough attention towards, considering that men are more likely to become homeless and more likely to "end it all" as you put it. As much as these awareness days are good for showing awareness to a particular subject, I can't help but feel that it is just another checkbox for big corporations to boost their image. Either way... I really hope that you're doing better for 2024, I just know it's going to be a special year and I hope things everywhere will become a little bit better.

Thankyou for this video, I have autism too and also suffered with metal health issues over the years too and I've also had problems at some preserved railways but not all bad as had a lot of support and I remember when I was about 17 at the now long closed Brighton railway museum that the chairman and one of the fonders of the Barry steam action group ( BSLAG) Mike, cockeney, who sadly died a few years ago,realised something was up with me and he helped me and encouraged me , and it's people like this that helped me in a Big way. Also the problem with today's heritage railways it's all about making money, I mean fair enough as got to pay the bills, but I remember a time over 35 to 40 years ago when it was just a group of railway enthusiasts doing their interest and restoring steam/diesel locos and rolling stock and railway infrastructure, and wasn't so commercial like it is these days.

A very delicate subject very well framed Chris. As you say, this is not a new subject. Thanks

9:01 Fuck that took a different turn, good on you it would be a great thing to put this type of thing out there. Yes men go under the radar regarding their struggles because people think they are the privileged ones.. I too have had some big struggles I honestly at this point think of myself quite like a faulty engine just going about it job and not getting tied up in today’s societal problems. I believe the more you struggle and the more you want to/should end it. Is when you say “FUCK THAT” and prove the universe wrong! ❤

I feel your pain Chris I've been though a lot as well and up until now I thought I was the only one with such pain anxiety I hope you're doing alright I've posted a message on my community page about how I've been suffering on the inside i was about to lose it all or basically scrap or even kill myself and insanity but I'm not only one I hope everyone gets better I've always wondered if locomotives were sentient they've probably would've had mental health problems as well just imagine being retired and watching your friends and family just die while you rot away or just be put in storage and forgotten? I hope we get though this together.

3:26 this is sadly VERY familiar. I remember some comments like this from older volunteers.

Slam doors in trouble again!

Not sure if you know already, but Jago Hazzard has just announced that he's taking a time-out to protect his mental wellbeing. Being self-employed has it's benefits, but is massively difficult & mega stressful too. Be kind to yourself, sir. Kind Regards, Stephen

I know how it feels having a disability like autism I have been discriminated badly I’ve been told to be locked up in a prison cell and not to travel on public transport in London also I’ve got epilepsy and I had to be put into intensive care due to an epileptic seizure I had to talk about epilepsy quite a bit to the police due to they are not trained at all in epilepsy they know a little bit but they not fully trained in the UK from Darren Hickey Hornby GWR

@Plokman040

8 ай бұрын

Ok that is just plain wrong. Screw those people, they wouldn't know a good heart if it was a snake biting them. No one and I mean no one ever said that to me, yeah they might of bullied me but I didn't care. I only have ADHD, so I don't know what Autism is like, but if any one in my presence called any one a slur and picked on them I would not hesitate to help them. Here I thought much of the UK was more accepting, progressive and the ones who lead the way in medicine for cancer and memory protection. It probably is but not in London. Then again any capitol is going to be full of the worst. As a Illinois resident Chicago scares me as a home, London is much larger. I wish I could help you, but my mother may be of inspiration for you. She was born with Spinal Bifida, her nerves on her spinal cord were partially exposed and she never gave up. She was bound to a wheelchair, had one kidney and no bladder but if anyone said anything about her she would go out of her way to prove them wrong. She had so much will power that even a Snake bite was like a bad cold. I say this not to brag, but to say I know you can be just like her, unstoppable in your passion and life. If anyone says you shouldn't be allowed to live again, call the police and make sure they were harassing you on your right to be in public. I hope that sounds encouraging, and I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart to the top of my soul you are always welcome to think of me as a friend.

I’m autistic, loves train, also suffers from anxiety

This is an excellent piece - it makes me angry that these outdated attitudes still exist. It is somewhat predictable as one branch of railway enthusiasts are old nostalgics, who are into old things because it takes them back to their young days and it panders to their desire to close their minds to the new. The 'we didn't have this stuff in my day' attitude is utter cobblers, you just didn't talk about it. The world is changing, people need to change with it or get left behind. You absolutely don't need me getting angry on your behalf - but I am furious about the stories you told. It's not about being old, its about being small minded. I know people in their eighties who find the gender spectrum a bit bewildering but are trying so hard to get on board with understanding it. I have so much admiration for these people - they prove the problem isn't generational, it is small mindedness and an unwillingness to even attempt to understand something outside of your own experience. I suffer under the yoke of mental health issues, as so many do, I am lucky that it is quite mild in my case. You have shown yourself to be a survivor, Chris - your story is one of extreme resilience and a determination to be your authentic self. Should we all have such courage.

I nearly quit railways in summer because I was bullied by this person who didn’t like me because I have autism and he cam round to one of my railways to chase me with a belt and nearly hit me

When you look at where we stand on mental health and our understanding of it as a society you have to ask yourself if We're really that advanced? Edit: we know more about internal combistion and space exploration than out own emotions. And like those two Sometimes our emotions can be wrong. I too felt like ending it somedays. But I know know that Sometimes my feelings of self depreciation arent right. My fear of needles was irrational and my emotions surrounding them were invalid. Even if you're the result of a broken condom you are only an accident if you live your life like that. You can change for the better and more importantly heal.

The problem with us men, is that we are good at wearing masks. (My own personal experience) It's amazing to see how one person can willingly mess up someone else's life, whilst they are representing the same heritage railway you are. Unfortunately, I'm coming to realize that we all have a story being a part of a heritage railway, that few people know about. Some worse than others. And it makes you think, was it really worth it. Do I really want to be a part of this community, when this behaviour is allowed. (yes, allowed) Walking away just isn't as easy as it appears either, as it doesn't fix the problem, and then that allows it to happen to someone else. I think I'll stop here. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you Chris, but hope you're doing better than you were before. All the best! Sammy B 🙂

It feels to me that a large portion of the conversation in the rail community, both on the operational side and on the enthusiast side, is still being held onto in a vice like grip by the older generations, where you just bottled your problems up less you seemed weak. And any attempt to interject our opinions as millennials is looked down upon. I’m 35 and I feel like people still talk down to me like I’m 15…

@HamStrains

8 ай бұрын

About the same age and yes what you've said is pretty true but equally in many ways I simply can't see it changing for some time. We are in a bit of an unfortunate position where the people we have problems with tend to hold the knowledge and skills needed to keep the whole edifice going and without at all wanting to come out in their favour what do we do without that? We risk a brain drain and lack of those skills if we don't find a way to engage with the old guard much as some among them may be quite contemptible. Positive change will come in time but we are going to need to find ways to extract the knowledge and skills we need along the way. Sucks but I've just kinda come to accept that there's a lot of things I just have to put to one side if I want to be part of keeping that knowledge and skill set alive. Not just in railways it applies to all sorts of activities I get involved in, I'm a member of a community group for men where we do lots of wood working projects, it has a lot of older members and there's an almost daily group email full of the most cringe worthy, often sexist, boomer memes you've ever seen and all sorts of conversations that are frankly uncomfortable to hear but things aren't going to change by not being there and the skills won't be around without someone to learn and teach them.

@keanes8608

8 ай бұрын

I’m 23 and honestly I can see where they are coming from (I feel like I’m 63). But all the stuff I’ve struggled with and talked about to know end… it can some times get you no where… and it may be best to just get on with it. But what I do wish is both sides saw how each side can be useful (expressing emotions - not getting overwhelmed by your emotions)

I mean the people running the railway probably are on the spectrum, but to be fair if it’s lgbtq like it is on the internet where they want everyone to acknowledge them and care more about what flag they wear… I don’t blame the owners.. like we have the fire, police, paramedics being made to take part in whatever LGBTQ expression and ignore what their actual jobs are. If it’s just ego keeping people who have an actual passion below them then that’s not fair. Great video by the way.

I'm the guy in that dirty yellow coat you met in Kings Cross. How about you make a series called crane tanks in profile?

Lawrie preaching about mental health is a flipping joke, considering their conduct on their Discord Server. Transphobes on the mod team, for instance.

Thank you for being open about all this. Mental health and the pressures of everyday life can be so much. You're loved and we greatly appreciate you. Been in therapy for over a year now since things got really dark for me and it's helped tremendously. And finding community within and outside of the rail heritage groups in the US has helped me a ton as well. Hope you're recovery continues to go well. And please know a lot of us appreciate the work you do here and elsewhere. 🩵🩵🩵