Despite Merriam-Webster naming “gaslighting” as its word of the year in 2022, the term is employed far more extensively than it has been studied. Originally referring to intentional manipulation to make someone question their sanity, the term has increasingly been broadened. Some use it for anytime an individual lies to or deceives others. Even less precisely, some use gaslighting to describe any interaction where someone feels that they are being misled or manipulated.
Many therapists encourage the view that those with ADHD grow up with so much criticism and shaming, and are told so often that their memories are inaccurate or their behaviors inappropriate so that as adults they are very likely to become victims of (further) gaslighting. This contains a kernel of truth, but seems incomplete, because it fails to recognize that those with ADHD process the world around them differently than neurotypical individuals, and are therefore likely to perceive and recall events differently. This could lead to feeling that one is being gaslighted, when more benign explanations for discrepant experiences and recollections may apply.
Narcissism, manipulativeness, a desire to harm others (sadism), and psychopathy have all been linked with an increased likelihood of perpetrating gaslighting. In these studies psychopathy is defined in terms of emotional detachment and a desire for dominance. While some of these traits are over-represented among those with ADHD, others are less likely, making it unclear whether those with ADHD are really more likely than the general population to gaslight others. However, because those with ADHD have tendencies to act impulsively, and to be less aware of other’s physical and emotional space, their behavior is more likely to be perceived by others as gaslighting.
In general, those being gaslit should, for their safety, minimize or eliminate contact with the perpetrator. There are no fool-proof ways to determine with certainty if someone is gaslighting you. But being open to alternative explanations for behavior, trying to observe rather than judge, and minimizing one’s own anger, may strengthen channels of communication to more effectively sort out what is going on in a relationship.
In many ways, gaslighting is like ADHD: you really don’t want to miss it when it’s present, but you also don’t want to diagnose it when it’s absent. Having ADHD very likely increases the likelihood of being a victim of gaslighting, but also boosts the chances of mistaking someone else’s behavior to be gaslighting. And while it’s possible that ADHD may increase the likelihood of gaslighting someone else, it almost certainly increases the probability that one’s behavior will be misinterpreted as gaslighting.
References:
So You Think You’ve Been Gaslit (The New Yorker, Leslie Jamison 1 April 2024)
www.newyorker.com/magazine/20...
Gaslight and gaslighting 2018
www.thelancet.com/journals/la...
“It’s All in Your Head”: Personality Traits and Gaslighting Tactics in Intimate Relationships (2023)
link.springer.com/article/10....
Knowing ADHD Facts Makes You Gaslight Proof (Gina Pera, the ADHD Rollercoaster blog)
adhdrollercoaster.org/myth-bu...
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Psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and author John Kruse, MD, PhD presents practical, actionable, well-researched information about treatment options that scientists and clinicians recommend for adult ADHD and other mental health conditions. Subscribe if you're curious about how neuro-atypical brains can optimize their functioning in our shared, and somewhat strange, world.
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The Gaslighting Risk: Why Adults with ADHD Are Particularly Vulnerable to Manipulation
www.additudemag.com/gaslighti....