I know you said a disclaimer before you even started this, and deep down I may get what your saying, BUT, as a betrayed, I'm sure the unfaithful does want a safe place, well, so did we, the betrayed, while they were out ruining our lives and throwing their families away!! THEY HAD A SAFE PLACE before they CHOSE to destroy everything!!!

@ichoozjc

2 жыл бұрын

Preach!

@angel3ambriel

Жыл бұрын

Right !!!!!!!!!

@phumzamoyo41

Жыл бұрын

Well said🙏

@gladysparrilla7995

Жыл бұрын

Agree with you 100%.

@wendycarter5973

Жыл бұрын

I the betrayed try time and time again to seek to find healing but my husband will not share the why’s and wherefore s I don’t know how many years it was going on I was totally blindsided he just lies so I can’t get any further into accepting anything he gets angry with me if I try to understand and this is after years of unfaithfulness I cry every day 🙏

He needs to win back my heart. I don’t need to win an unbelieving heart. It’s cold and unbelieving.

There's something that is not touched on here. Sometimes the unfaithful are unable to see their wrongdoing. They are unable to see the pain they handed the betrayed. These types of unfaithful people are like a cancer rolling through the lives of good humans. For what or why. Narcissism!!

I just struggle with having to extend compassion, patience, understanding, safety, vulnerability, honesty, empathy ect...when none of those things have been extended to me the betrayed. Had the unfaithful possessed/used any of those things we would not be in this situation. Just sucks that on top of everything else that's been done to me I am expected to extend the olive branch...when I just want to beat him with it!

@KwaMereki787

5 жыл бұрын

Lol I had a good giggle with your comment! My feelings exactly. It’s been 4 months since D Day and it’s a struggle to do these 4 things when a big part of me wants to do otherwise. I do appreciate this kind of reminder though, that the unfaithful needs support too especially when they are really trying and no longer acting out.

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

yep, it's understandable. however, i don't think you need to continue to pursue him or do these things if he's not serious about recovery. if he's not doing what he should be doing in at least some effort of kindness, safety, humility and empathy, it sounds like space and distance may be in order. no one is saying to blindly chase, pursue and go out of your way to get him to come your way when he's not serious and he's not pursuing you with what you need.

@PC-dc1kv

4 жыл бұрын

I hear you, sister.

@scooterpatooter9484

3 жыл бұрын

LOL...I hear ya...

@sandymarie921

3 жыл бұрын

My unfaithful sees himself as the victim. Now that he has been found out, the tables have turned wherein he is tells me sad and depressed and looking to me to comfort him because of it. I think he is grieving the loss of his fantasy relationship. So in the middle of what Zi am going through he is the victim wanting me to focus on his feelings snd comfort him. He wont go to counseling. Says we can work thru it. I actually found out four months sgo. He told me it ended. Told me he told her it was over. I found out a week ago it was a lie.

I wish my husband would asked me to give him a chance,but instead he’s seems happy to be separated from us and content with his on and off relationship with his 22 year old playing games with his life and ours ..He decided to leave the day after our 23 year anniversary and we have two boys 11 and 16 we are all devastated!We had a really good marriage and we got along so so well so I was extremely blindsided!🤷🏽‍♀️Please pray for us..

@taminamurch341

4 жыл бұрын

I am going thru this and I know it's extremely difficult.. I know if I leave he would be the happiest man.

@joveeviernes673

4 жыл бұрын

@@taminamurch341 😍

@defaultcommenter7374

4 жыл бұрын

Waiting... Kills all positivity. Did u give him a final try?

@leticiafernando7082

4 жыл бұрын

Wow sorry what you are going through, try to focus on yourself. I will pray for your situation . Pray and get closer to God , he will lead you!

@heatherpersson4291

3 жыл бұрын

This is a common experience and happened to me. Sending love and prayers. Know you do not deserve to be treated this way and there WILL be a path forward. You can leave issues of justice in God’s hands.

Patience would be a lot easier if the unfaithful actually WANTED to make it work. What if the betrayed is the only one wanting to make things work?

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

unfortunately, sometimes it's incumbent upon the betrayed to pull back, work on and take care of themselves. you can't make them want it and you can't want it for them.

What happens if the betrayed is the one begging for a chance? The unfaithful holds all the power.

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

the betrayed probably needs to not beg anymore and pull back and leave room for the unf to pursue and move towards them.

@saltyprimrose4569

3 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast i do this, he never follows

@xsbbx5191

2 жыл бұрын

@@saltyprimrose4569 he doesn't have to, at the end it's his choice, if he can't get over it or doesn't want to it his right, after all you made the choice to hurt him why would he trust you again ?

@hayleysterling3598

8 ай бұрын

Are you trying to get validation from them and closure from them that they chose you in the end? You don’t need that. You need to walk away and choose yourself. That’s where the power is. I hope you can find the strength to do it.

How can the betrayed be calm and patient when the unfaithful is done with the affair partner, but he's talking to other women and messaging other women on Facebook? There is also no openess or accountability. Still hiding everything. To me, it's just too unsafe for me to let down my guard to him at all.

@m.englewood3732

5 жыл бұрын

Trust your gut! If you feel unsafe, you are unsafe. Best wishes 2u.

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

thanks sandra. every situation is different and one can't apply one video to every situation. it sounds like you need space from him and possibly even a no contact rule. if he's not doing what it takes and if he's not serious about recovery work and restoration, i don't see a need to be calm, patient, etc. it appears you need space to protect yourself from someone who is not doing what it takes to heal.

@marianosena7880

3 жыл бұрын

same here, i really dont know what to do

God divorced unfaithful Israel. He didn’t beg or plead with her. He divorced her!

What if the unfaithful shuts you down in the beginning of every conversation? What if they are not open to marriage counseling? What if they are putting their own pain ahead of yours? What if they are telling everything they need from you but never once ask what they can do to help you heal. It's all about them.

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

sadly it may be time for a separation.....or an intervention of some sorts. you may also have to resort to an ultimatum. these two articles will help: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-going-change you have to ask yourself if you're willing to draw a line, a boundary and enforce it.

@lizzyg1758

Жыл бұрын

Sounds like my spouse.. sigh

@denislegeev1119

Жыл бұрын

And you are still around??😳

@carriehendricks

Жыл бұрын

If that’s the case…sadly that’s a sign to move on and stop trying to control what you can’t🤷‍♀️

You know, i am many years past my husband’s affair and our divorce and I still struggle seeing things like this. The title of this puts pressure on the betrayed - so common in Christian circles. I put myself in harms way believing I could save my marriage. Telling people to Be open is dangerous. The unfaithfuls lie and are entitled so often, and the unfaithful here sounds like he still doesn’t get ot. I like many of these videos but you can tell they are really abut staying together as the better way. In abuse, it is not.

Your time out message is used by my unfaithful to stop all questions dead before I can finish asking. He feels it is his right to leave me at the third D-day because he calls time out as soon as I begin a question. IT IS NOT FAIR OF YOU TO GIVE THEM THAT ADVANTAGE, They drop bomb after bomb and then hide and refuse to answer anything because they simply call a time out and leave or hang up.

@AffairrecoveryLLC

5 жыл бұрын

That's not how our time out protocol is intended or written. Questions must be answered and there has to be a time set on the time out for when you come back together to resume the conversation. Period.

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

it appears his heart is the problem, not the protocol. he's obviously not using it the way it's supposed to be used and he's clearly not safe. perhaps it's time for you to create space between you two. maybe you should step back, work on you and consider all of your options. i'm sorry he's doing this to you but he is the problem, not our protocol.

I appreciate what you are saying. However l believe the unfaithful should be trying to win back their faithful spouse. I highly recommend the book "Love must be tough" by James Dobson. And above all else pray for God to show you His will.

@sweetpotatosunshine

5 жыл бұрын

He did a video on that subject first. I appreciate how he addresses both sides. We all need help.

@pinkbutterfly772

5 жыл бұрын

Amen to that. That book..Love must be tough is a great book!

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

@@sweetpotatosunshine thanks sue.

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

thanks for the comment. if you've watched many of my videos, you've heard me say that time and time again. this is a different video which speaks to another side of recovery

@arnaudinstalle

3 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast still, I feel like you're putting most of the work on the betrayed spouse, not the betrayer. My ex just never even acknowledged het betrayal, let alone said sorry.

Dwight Magnuson, Excuse me, but you knew she cheated on her first husband and you Still married her? I believe the saying that when someone tells you who they are Believe them! Sorry you stepped into this, it’s so painful.

Could you ever trust a cheater again? My wife was unfaithful with a former boyfriend over 8-9 years of our 13 year marriage. She also cheated on her first husband with whom she had 2 daughters. She has serious mental problems - the first being a lack of self worth -- that apparently required continuous adoration from different men.

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

trust can be regained over time with work and consistency. but, it takes time and it takes work and a proven process. here is a great article on trust you can read that we put out: www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust it will take expert help and guidance my friend.

I'm confused in a general sense. Why would the betrayed need to win back their unfaithful spouse if the unfaithful already loves her as well as his AP simultaneously, as is discussed in another video, assuming the affair is broken off so the AP has been rejected? By breaking off the affair, doesn't that show they've already chosen their spouse over the AP? If the unfaithful really loves their spouse, why would they need to be wooed back?

@bkpsly1

2 жыл бұрын

If the unfaithful really loves his spouse, then he would not cheat in the first place. Cheating is not practicing love, but rather, practicing hate, blame, contempt, justification, excuses, not taking responsibility for anything, etc. One cannot show love and cheat at the same time. Impossible. And as the betrayed, I respectfully refuse to "chase the man that CHOSE to destroy my life and happiness to prop up his ego, and that of our children's as well. He must chase me now. End of story.

@rachelpowell947

Жыл бұрын

Yesss!!!!!^^^^^

I don’t think unfaithful females think that way, at least from my experience, they feel justified , i have heard unfaithful men are really sorry, unfaithful females not so much, can u comment?

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

ive seen plenty of unfaithful females be remorseful my friend. it happens quite frequently. i'm sorry that it seems the opposite but it's not true from my experience.

@smoothmentalitysmooth9226

3 жыл бұрын

depends

@isacha1

3 жыл бұрын

Because women are different. Usually she can give many, many, many, many chances but when she’s done, she’s done.

You said patience shouldn’t be extended to the unfaithful who is cheating over and over but that’s the case most times, people are not just here for an affair that happened but one that’s currently happening and all we get is denial, gas lighting and manipulation. I have tried so many things and watched so many videos to be at peace ….. have no idea what to do again

I really appreciate the disclaimers. I would shut down because of the hypocrisy of the unfaithful like clockwork.

He was trying, then said he wanted a divorce. We are separated now. I filed for divorce. So no extreme choices on my side.

What if the unfaithful refuses to go to therapy?

He cheated on me from day 1 our marriage. Sadly I found out seven years later. I don't see that I should win his heart back,as he showed he had none.

What if he's acted out 7 times and still hasn't acknowledged his wrongs except been sorry for being caught? (based on your video, "is the unfaithful just sorry he got caught")

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

he may just sorry he's gotten caught. have you been able to get expert help? is he open to getting help?

Hard to here but most men / woman who cheat have had Chaos childhoods . It plays out in affairs , mid life crisis ect . As a betrayed spouse I wish my husband had been willing to do all the things “ Samuel “ is talking about . My husband was in Limerence a very long time , in thick with his AP , he didn’t want to work on our marriage, was very resistant . If you want your marriage and you have a partner willing to do the work don’t punish them . I know you want to because you are hurt . However when they come out of the fog and realize all the things there is lots of shame . Decide what your end goal is . If you want to punish , it’s only going to complicate your end goal , the bigger goal should be getting your spouse who cheated to work through there stuff so it doesn’t happen again and they can be better .

@bittehiereinfugen7723

Жыл бұрын

Yes and no. It wasn't until years after my unfaithful husband last screwed up that I (after years of secrets and gaslighting, during which I completely dismantled and destroyed myself as a woman because it broke me, I now realize) did the learn truths from him. So his past is currently my present, the reality of my life. In the meantime, having had the opportunity to process and sort through much of what he was doing, he was mostly over feelings of shame and regret. Yes, it's still there with him to a small extent, especially in the first few weeks after last D-Day when he saw me suffering like a roadkill animal left to die on the street when I cried from nightmares startled when I barely had the strength to breathe, but hardly any now. Yes, he is doing his job now; but because he's so much further along emotionally, he doesn't kneel in with the necessary seriousness and urgency. That is also a big emotional problem for me. So yes, actually I want him to feel all these negative feelings imperatively right now, I want him to be miserable. But not to punish him or out of revenge, but to get his ass off and confront himself.

This is so hard why should I way for him to let go. That means he don't care about feelings he don't love me. . Why he get to cheat and I cant. Why it's hard I hate my husband for is lies

What!!! On top of all the hurt of being betrayed we have to take care of the unfaithful their emotions etc. Plus fine ways to win their hearts sorry if that’s the case they are NOT WORTH IT.

Mine doesn't care to even talk and Im not the unfaithful one. I think its a wrap

Thank you, I really needed to hear this. It is really hard being a betrayed spouse, but i wanted to know what i can do to help my spouse

Betrayed spouse here. Thanks for this.

Even though she said she was done with me and the relationship was over before she started seeing someone else I still feel like I am the betrayed because we still live together and she feels she gets to set her own time line of me having to find somewhere else to live and wants to sell the house to fund whatever loving she has planned for herself and our kids as well as her belief that she'll get primary custody and support and that I'm powerless and disadvantaged to do anything about it. This is tearing our family and kids apart and even her parents have voiced their issues and disapproval of her actions to me even unprompted or asked. I still love her and have putting in the self work and work in general to try and be best I can for me and the kids and she just hasn't come around. I know it can't go back to how it was and that any relationship would be a new one but I know that doesn't mean that it couldn't be better than it even was was things were good. Just a lot of pain and resentment that 13 years and a lifetime planned together to throw it away 😭

How does a betrayed spouse recover if the unfaithful spouse said he's done with the affair, but left the house, cut off communications, and said he's done. He doesn't wanna talk to me. Everytime i talk about the affair knowing what had happened, he would blow up and think I am nagging and would say he is leaving me and my kid for good. He doesn't wanna talk about what has happened. Saying he doesn't love me anymore because he loves the affair partner now, is so hard to chew on. Should i just give up now? He doesn't wanna talk anymore, saying it's over between us and he's had enough.

@samshealingpodcast

3 жыл бұрын

sadly and unfortunately, it's time to move on my friend. if he's saying those things and now wants and is showing and pursuing the affair partner, i think it's time to allow him to go. if we love those we love, we have to be willing to set them free if they don't want to be with us. i'm sorry, but it appears it's time to heal you and save you.

Yes exactly time out when it for the betrayal starts to express. And the same goes when we are in marriage counseling the same happens. I gave my My husband patience and grace after multiple affairs but when he took it and used it to continue talking to this female

I agree on all 4 points so much. I've used these when my unfaithful spouse has tried. I've used these 4 specific times over 18 months, and I'm afraid I'm not going to be patient much longer. He is the "dry drunk", and I'm in therapy. We now have the, albeit positive, dilemma that I'm no longer standing for the bordering abusive manipulations and defensiveness. Our conversations are pretty short now, lol, which means rule #1 is healthy. He procrastinates and won't see a csat therapist. These rules are perfect when parties involved are motivated and trying, so thank you for this!

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

exactly right, both parties are motivated and trying. very sorry for the pain you're in my friend. i know it's awful.

Mybwife after her affair is falling for her affair/ and says I wasted her life being married 30 years and only having one child , and blames Me for her thinking she couldn’t do better - The most hurtful awful things - I have a good career , faithful loving- I am just forgiving and loving as its hard with all the hurtful things she says to me - hates me doesn’t love me ...

@abdulq9172

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, heard that from mine too, it seems a behavior everyone else is to blame ...

@alvertomartinez1455

8 ай бұрын

It’s been four years since you post this comment. How are you today?

What if my spouse hasn’t gotten professional help? It seems that he is going through some of these stages that you talk about, but has never been willing to get help.

Hi..I have been married for 18 yrs and I hve 8 chn. I am 40 yrs of age now. My husband has separated from me bcoz he wanted to marry a new woman. It's so painful 'coz I had been rejected by him and he's now busy with his new lady and he stopped me from seeing my chn as well. Please pray for me and help me on how to get my spouse back. It's 12 mnths now we hve separated.

@alvertomartinez1455

8 ай бұрын

It’s been three years you post this comment. I’m sorry you’re going through that. How are you and where are you in your life now? Another word how have you been?

I keep hitting the roadblock you speak of. Things seem to be going well but i get impatient and ask questions that trigger my unfaithful wife's sharp tongue. We get into a hurtful battle and then we're back at square one. I keep unintentionally sabotaging myself. Is it too late and can i still use these 4 ways to get her heart back? We live together and i dont know if i need to leave and be gone for a few days or what the right moves are. I need help. I'm afraid that i've said and done things that are too hurtful to my cheating wife to get her heart back. I'm having a really hard time coping with the pain. does anyone have any suggestions?

@abdulq9172

4 жыл бұрын

@Patriot Skater, i can relate, almost 7 months down the road, emotional pain is less, but she still does not want to talk about it and tell the whole story and complete truth. After the D-day, and as long as she was willing to talk about it was only because i had knowledge and info that i will bring up to confront her half-truths (politely putting), and then she will change and back track her story. All I wanted was (and may be still) the whole truth to move forward, but did not happen, even though i gave safety, no deal breakers, etc and said i don’t care what, how many ppl, times, don’t care, just share and open up, no luck. So I am trying to convince her to take help from affair recovery team , still not much luck. I will love to hear from other husbands in my shoes and see how their experience been, and if their are unfaithful wives would love to get their feedback as well. That all said, these videos by affair recovery which i discovered recently been very helpful to at least understand a few things from the other side (unfaithful side), but still looking to see if they have a unfaithful wife that has videos to share, to understand that prospective. Tx!

I'm not the one that started seeing other people. I'm trying so hard with putting in the work to fix my flaws and doing coaching and counseling and a men's group and church and exercise and doing more at home and with the kids. I've been the one doing the pleading to work it out and I'm the one being betrayed 😭 I think she feels she's already given me all the chances I deserve, I know and I've owned my flaws, I know I'm not without faults with my porn issue and fitness and financial and emotional stability issues but I've been putting in the work to fix that. I have come a long ways on all fronts but I don't feel that she's making any reconsideration 😢

@rodriguezperalta3212

Жыл бұрын

Please update.

What about if unfaithful spouse doesn’t want help and instead he wants out of the marriage 🤔! That’s my situation and I m having hard time because even though I like to save my marriage, my husband acts cold and indifferent with me. I found a text he sent to someone saying that I m his ex ? How can he be lying saying I m his ex if we still married for 22 years ? My heart is very broken and “ he doesn’t know I know that” and I feel so hurt . However, I still love him and want to save my marriage! Please pray for us .

If they are so easy to loose their heart then why bother? Just get a partner that knows how to be honest. These unfaithful are no good.

Compliments for doing what they are supposed to be doing? And should have been doing all along? I do it. But it’s a pain. Samantha’s compliments to you are what you should have been doing all along!!! That should be YOUR response. My husband is so happy when I do it -you’re right - however YOU (betrayer) should answer/acknowledge that you are only doing what you should have done all along and I’m sorry these behaviors are new!! Acknowledge that!

Im always giving A chance and a 100% understanding bt idk rightnow...im just tryin to help him and fix our relationship.we keep us tryin so hard to keep this relationship ok..thank u for this its big help to us..

nice video

How long are we, the betrayed supposed to be patient with the unfaithful spouse? We are 15 months out and whenever I bring something up he says "I'm trying. Why can't you see I'm trying?". From what I see he tries to do the minimum to scoot by and hope that the time is enough to make it go away. He does work here and there, nothing consistent. He'll agree to simple consistent work such as watching one AR video a day along with more in depth stuff of counseling once a week/every other week and reading books. He doesn't follow through with any of it for more than a couple weeks. How, as the Betrayed am I supposed to keep being patient when told to "get over it" or "I'm over it. It's been how long, why can't you get over it too?"

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

it's up to you and your own timeline. if he continues to not do the work and won't follow through, perhaps that time of being patient is over and it's time for boundaries, consequences and possibly an ultimatum?

@krystalbenson8201

4 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast boundaries and consequences sre there just not very strongly. He knows how to make me feel guilty when a consequence is put into action. An ultimatum was given that made him start counseling to begin with. I guess if another one is needed it's needed.

Well, it too late for me. Insult to injury: he is divorcing me. He’s the UP &I am the BP and this is now the way of things. My marriage is over, & nothing can be done.

@PC-dc1kv

4 жыл бұрын

April Murray I’ve been there. My unfaithful husband divorced me. 2 years on, he’s still living with the affair partner but I don’t think they’re happy. They deserve each other.

Yeah I thought should I really see this lol...but you're right... Funny I saw the movie The Impossible last night and at the end when the Mom is looking out of the plane seeing the devastation of what the survived... That was the picture the came to mind as you talked... It's a mess but without timeouts I personally am guilty of that and took that conviction lol....it's stays a mess...and I have to take responsibility even as the betrayed that I'm not making recovery easy for either of us. Thanks Samuel...

Awesome video!! I’m so thankful for all your great videos! I feel so validated and have a much better understanding of myself and my husband. Would you do a video about soft core porn and it’s effects on a relationship...?

Win back the unfaithful spouses heart????!!!!! What the heck! 😳

It’s great Sam That you wanted a chance! And was sincere but how do you trust that. I’ve lost my trust in the process because I did give him a chance to change and could not show me but then NOW is saying give me a chance I’m changing I’m trying I can’t trust IT again!

My wife left me and is still seeing the guy she cheated me with, even when she said she wouldn't continue that relationship when we separated. I said horrible things to her and also tried to assault the guy at that moment at his property. He hid behind her like a coward. I asked if this is the type of person she wants to be, she softly said no as i kept verbally assaulting her, something inside her shattered for what it looked like. She'll never comeback, i some what wish she would reach out, but its better that she doesn't, as much as that hurts me. I kinda want to apologize to her for all of it because thats not me or who i want to be. But she hasn't done anything to not hurt me, then why should i apologize.

@alvertomartinez1455

8 ай бұрын

It’s been two years you post this comment. Where are you at in your life now? What is the status of your ex-wife?

my narc husband cheated again with less attractive I think he is addicted to attention and validation. what should I do? I dont want to talk with him now. he had a rough childhood

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

i would focus on your own healing and your own repair work for the trauma you've been subjected to. here is a course you can and should consider my friend: www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope also, when dealing with a true narcissist, it's helpful to go to a no contact rule to not allow them to further hurt or injure you. it's vital you have boundaries to protect yourself. also, are you seeing anyone professionally? i would seek an expert's help professionally my friend. i'm so sorry for the pain you're in. i know it's awful but you can get through it and heal.

What if they want patience, but do go back and forth between the spouse and AP? What if not being patient makes them run right to the AP immediately because they don't want to lose something they could possibly want more?

I guess what gets me to get really upset my still won't Owen up to to anything and blames0 and will not accept nor apologize cuz. of no remorse ? ?

Has anyones spouse came back?

He blamed me for everything things. A lot of crap. I have not raged at him, but I would love to say my piece. I am the one blind sighted, left alone, he had his family, will be uprooted as our house will be on the market soon. He decided one day to leave, living like a teenager, only hanging around old friends from his home town. Hasn’t spoken with his friends from work since last March. Emotional Affair! With his ex from over 25 years, who is married and in a different province. He says he loves her.....fantasy relationship

Thank you for addressing both sides. I need to hear this.

What if you’re okay with him being with the affair partner, but want to work on the marriage too? I’ve been married over 20 years, I don’t mind sharing, we’ve had a somewhat open marriage, but I don’t like that he’s trying to leave me. She’s a great gal, I’ve even offered for her to move in, but he continues to act angry towards me, and his family who has always loved and supported us is betraying me as well. I just want him to come home, k can’t live without him.

The painful truth... Thank you.

my partner told me once he found other people far more attractive than me when i asked out of deep insecurity but then he later took it back...should i believe him? why would he say that to me? i know i probably shouldn't care but this was right in the middle of his infidelity and it has ruined my self esteem and now i'm paranoid. i don't understand why he'd say that to me if he supposedly didn't mean it. please someone tell me i'm not the only person this has happened to?

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

it does happen. it has several layers, but one of the main reasons is that the unfaithful spouse is justifying their affair, or rewriting history to justify their affair. it's believable he didn't mean it as he was maybe not in his right mind and was utilizing methods of coping that were all about him and all about justifying his choices. but, i would not blindly go back to life. i would get help for your own healing and self esteem as well as ask him to get help for relapse prevention and empathy development.

@krystalbenson8201

4 жыл бұрын

Oizys you're not alone. My husband told me that I was too fat (I was pregnant when he started his affair) and he wasn't attracted to me. He also said that his AP had the perfect body. And that he was envious of his co-workers who had skinny, pretty wives. He told me this, well screamed it at me, well after DDay. Yet, now I'm supposed to believe him when he says he loves me and tells me I'm beautiful and sexy. Yeah, it's nearly impossible to believe that he feels that way about me after what he said.

My husband is in Limerence since July. He had different phases but never left the house. He tried to stop 1 time but she pressured him until He came back. He never left the house and says that he still loves me too. Im 6 months pregnant (I learned I was before discovering the affair). Could the birth of our daugther change him?

@melinaabney4747

5 ай бұрын

I'm 9 months and my husband's just started a month ago. I'm hoping the birth of our daughter does something, but I'm not sure...he's still active with the affair

Why are WE winning THEM back? I get working on the relationship. It takes both. But the term " winning" implies the betrayed did something wrong. And in order not to lose them you have to win them back. I think the one who should be winning something back is the unfaithful. They need to win back the trust of the betrayed. I get they may be wounded and have a past. So do the betrayed! So its poor wording on imo. The betrayed are already working through the relationship stuff on their own ( unfaithful has found an outlet or someine else to confide in) they have to deal with the pain of being betrayed, work through past trauma AND win back the unfaithful. That is asking too much.

My wife is in limerence and is so quick to file for divorce.

How do you find what caused the trauma

OMG! Thank you. Especially for 2 and 3. I am 29 months out and it’s been Avery tough journey for my BS and I.

Does it also apply for the cheating narcissist partner??

@samshealingpodcast

5 жыл бұрын

if they are trying to do work and get healthy and be safe then yes. if they are still acting out, and still utilizing their narcissistic tendencies, then no. safety and no contact will probably be key to your safety and peace.

@mathewcameron123mc

4 жыл бұрын

@@samshealingpodcast My wife had an emotional affair and has convinced herself and people around her that I'm a narcissist. She thinks my love is a lie and that everything I do is manipulative and controlling. I have no clue what to do.....I can't defend myself at all or make any progress.

@samshealingpodcast

4 жыл бұрын

@@mathewcameron123mc i'm so sorry. that does sound awful.

Nope..I'm coo'..😎