My daughter has become the product of a bitter divorce where her dad used her as a pawn. She became very manipulative. She was traumatized by being put in the middle. It was heartbreaking to watch. I could not protect her from it. I even moved us 900 miles away to try to keep her from it. It didn't work. Now she has cut me off and blames me for so many things I couldn't control. She believes things about me that her father has brainwashed her into believing. She wants to believe the worst of me. I have apologized over and over for things that I did wrong and things I had no control over. I have begged her for forgiveness. Only to be met with "well I can't forgive you." I see absolutely no compassion in her at all. Now days if you want your young adult child to be in a relationship with you it has to be in their terms only. . As far as the forgiveness letter mentioned on this video. Been there done that. I begging for forgiveness over and over. . Nothing and I do mean nothing has worked. I have tried everything. I am in a support group and most of these parents have done the same exact same thing and nothing works. The adult child wants to hate the parents so they can use the parents as a scape goat for all of their problems. If I ever were to reconcile with my daughter it would completely have to be on her terms only and I would have to walk on egg shells the rest of my life. I am so exhausted physically and emotionally from trying so hard to be a good mom. If I could do it all over again I would have never have had children. They will never remember all the sacrifices and all that you did right. They will only remember your mistakes and they will be bombarded by social media, KZread, Pinterest, tictoc etc. Supporting them cutting off their parents. If you do not yet have children consider this your warning.

I had all the compassion in the world for my estranged son, for 12 years. He showed very little in return. He was always the one setting the boundaries with no respect for mine. I’m still here for him when he decides that he made the two biggest mistakes of his life by marrying the woman who turned him against his family, and him cutting his family off for her. She’s now out of the picture, but we’re all still here… waiting.

Love the distinction between feeling compassion for a parent versus focusing on forgiving.

With my daughter pleading with me and against my husbands thoughts, I helped raised my grandkids for 12 years. My daughter had and affair during her 12 year marriage, had her stomach removed due to alcohol addiction. She told my husband and I to get the #### out of her life. I was always a doormat, she was always a very jealous young person and I feel that she was envious about us being close to our grandkids. I have so much to tell but just don’t have time at this moment. It’s been 5 years. We love them all sooo much. Our daughter turned our grandchildren against us, saying very bad things about us that were not true. I have four older sisters that questioned me, and then one time they saw how our daughter treated me at a gathering at her home. I have so much to talk about. I think you for your brought podcast yet. It would be so nice to be able to discuss things with you. I don’t have a lot of money, But it would be nice. We send cards every holiday, no matter white for the past four years. Our granddaughter would not even give us a hug for years ago when they were going through divorce affair, everything. My sister died, and our daughter wouldn’t even go to her close and celebration of life. She does do some fishing on Facebook, I did never blocked her, she had blocked me, but I have kept open, but strictly to friends only. She can see me, but I rarely put anything on Facebook. If I do, it’s always positive mottos. I pray every day for my daughter to have her heart change to come back to us. Our daughter was very loved by me, as when she was born, as well as growing up. There was no abuse. I have a younger seven year old, younger son, and my daughter, which is 41 and he said he had a great childhood. Last October 2022, we rode by my ex son-in-law‘s home, long story short we ask if we could approach to talk to him. Our grandchildren were there. Long story. Short, we talked, we I was very cautious of what to say, because of our daughter. in the past when this all occurred, I went to a psychologist, I was very anxious. Afraid of running into our daughter at a store or somewhere. My psychologist helped me through that thank God. When we got together and October, our granddaughter and our grandson openly hugged us. We have not been hugged like that since before the separation of our daughter. I pray every day, but I don’t know what to do. Thank you for your time.

Estrangement is devastating to parents who were good parents. My son estranged from our entire family and his friends when he got married. His wife never wanted to be part of our family and she made his life hell until he walked away from us. We provided a good home, lots of love and no one who knows our son and our family would find a reason to estrange us. It is all because of a controlling spouse.

I think in the case of that episode with the mother and daughter - the daughter didn't give that mother room or incremental steps likely because she likely didn't trust her mother's "new efforts" and it felt too scary for her to fully see or take in. That is a common response to trauma - there is a learned response not to trust love. That being said the daughter needs compassion too - for her own incremental steps towards trust. It is not easy to change those neuropathways. I feel compassion for both parties in these situations.

Estrangement is not always the decision of the adult child or the parents. Im surprised u failed to mention another option of estrangement. The adult child dating or being trauma bonded to a narcissist. Parents will be cut off. Not only cut off but delusional untrue thoughts will be weaved in your child's "reasons" for cutting u off. Nothing you do is good enough, always turned against you. I'm not sure if the child truly believes the lies or if they are so afraid to lose that pos, all their values and loved ones become disposable. Its truly heart breaking. If I hadn't experienced it for myself, I'd have never in a million years would have believed people are that evil.

Forgiveness I'd a choice and necessary to move forward in the relationship or not!

After my daughter and her children were part of my every day life her whole life, she remarried moved hr away and I was replaced by her new motherbin law that lives close to her now, im extremely hurt and devastated

My 43 year old son cut me off after both his siblings died. He is my only living child. There was not abuse in his childhood. I was a single mom and grandparents were deceased. Please comment on the side of how a child can do this with no abuse? During the time he cut me off was a crisis with his 14 year old son. I supported him in the way he needed and requested. His wife wanted him to leave the relationship with his son. When the wife won, my son cut me off. So this has to do with pleasing his wife. I understand that the wife is the number one person. I'm not competing with her. But how can a son cut off a mother for the only reason that the crisis situation turned toward the wife and I was cut off. Please explain this insanity. My son and I did not have relationship issues prior to this event.

Cedar Creek Lake, Tx.

Having a toxic mother makes me want to estrange from her. She is a narcist. Is never wrong, spins everything to be about her. Phone call goes a bit like this: Mom: "how's it going", Me: ok, how are you? Mom: "ok". Me: I've had a migraine for a couple days", Mom: "Oh I've had a migraine for a week and my blood pressure is out of control". I call this her hierarchy of pain, she's always worst off than anyone else. She's lost relationships with any couple friends her and my father have ever had, and its never her fault (spoiler: its always her!), Does not acknowledge any help you have provided her ever, only refers to the 1 time you were unable to help her. Very much the "what have you done for me LATELY". Never splits the load between my sister and I. Only ever comes to me and my husband with issues and for help, because my sister has 2 children with special needs. I also have 2 children and 1 with a chronic but invisible illness so they don't recognize us as being busy and overwhelmed with our own lives, children, and jobs. I can't even bring myself to call her regularly because all she wants to do is gossip with me about my sisters inlaws, which I don't want to hear about. Whenever I try to set boundries, she blows things out of proportion and acts like spoiled rotten child who isn't getting her way. My dad I could deal with, but he is heavily influenced by her which makes it difficult to speak to him without an argument because he always sides with her. After all she is his chef and housekeeper. I'm at my wits end. The older they get, the harder its getting.

Where's the link?

1

Your children are forward looking and want to get along with their mate or their own children first, just as we want to get along with them because they are our future

Adult children estranging from a parent for being a normal parent is like receiving the death penalty for spilling a cup of milk.

I’ve been studying this epidemic. One in five moms. Psychology is my passion along with tarot. There are so many groups encouraging this. It is an epidemic. A incredibly sad one. These kids will lose out from the betrayal and trust lost. I float around all of social media on trends in terms of emotional climates. This one is a earthquake. What many authors miss on the mark is anti social personality disorders. Incapacitated to truly bond. Brought on by outside triggers. Sociopathic people can end up that way by their peers/ school/ influence outside the family. Entitlement issues. Brain washing sites. Encouraging this scapegoating anyone who wants to hold them to higher standards. We have an epidemic of mental health disorders now. Thanks to social media and comparisons. Now blame mom and dad. The illusion that perfectionism can be had with full discarding the entire family unit and starting over with social services at their fingertips. Most psychological reason falls under schizophrenia and schizotypal, anti social, narcissism. Borderline personality disorder, sociopaths. Leaving “ empowerment”!! “ Not realizing. “ everywhere you go, there you are”. Now stuck. Wants to Hoover in. Wash and repeat with elder abuses. I’ve read stories where the parents land on “ the shoe is on the other foot”. Stay out! Some have moved and change their last name to avoid the child and the abuse. Financial, emotional, physical. I’ve read stories of parents who jumped through every hoop for the estranged child. Walked on eggshells around them. We can thank social media for this. We were warned. We have a generation of very sick kids. Raised by visual false narratives and comparisons. Breeding low functioning covert narcissism. Passive aggressive and scapegoating/ victim narratives. Pity plays. Weak generation. They were raised” everyone wins”! This too added to it. Failure breeds success. Hard knocks lessons. This generation is where’s my 🏆. We are all equal in talent etc. incredibly weak minded. Cannot handle defeat or how to communicate defeat. They go on a hate campaign can’t defend their thoughts. Because it’s a PROJECTION of themselves. My college kids talked about how much mental health was rampant in high school.

Lady, you are putting all of the blame on the parents! What about when the children are narcissists and abusive like their father?

I told my two adult sons who cut me out of their lives and the lives of two grandchildren, that I am not waiting around for them to reconcile. I told them they are no longer part of my life. Period. Maybe if these narcissitic self-absorbed adult children realize that there is no "do-over" button, no open-door policy maybe they will stop this social catastrophe. If they burn that bridge., there is no going home.

How about stop using the term Narcisist? There are thousands of KZread videos coving all aspects of this behavior. This is like brainwashing our children into believing their parents are abusive and horrible people. It's simply a way to divide families.