Love this Joni Mitchell quote on relationships - It said: ‘If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.’ What happens when you date is you run all your best moves and tell all your best stories - and, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over and over. You can’t do that with a longtime mate because he knows all that old material. With a long relationship, things die and then are rekindled, and that shared process of rebirth deepens the love. It’s hard work, though, and a lot of people run at the first sign of trouble. You’re with this person, and suddenly you look like an asshole to them or they look like an asshole to you - it’s unpleasant, but if you can get through it, you get closer and you learn a way of loving that’s different from the neurotic love enshrined in movies. It’s warmer and has more padding to it.”

@kimgordon3695

3 жыл бұрын

Brilliant

@joelmasantos879

3 жыл бұрын

Tanya, what would you say to me, my husband has just told me that he loves me but is not in love with me anymore and we should live together for the kids but I. Separate rooms, I’m 50 and if it wasn’t for my kids I would have packed and gone today.

@Kiwiwanderer

3 жыл бұрын

Joelma Santos That’s a tough situation. I am 57. I’m divorced, it was devastating. It is never ever too late to grow and keep changing and evolving. To create a new version of yourself. It takes 2 people to make it work. I think as I have got older I’ve realised you must be true to yourself. There is no hiding from the truth. I follow a lot of very good women psychologists on Instagram - Sasha Tozzi, Dr Rebecca Ray, Mindfulmft, The holistic psychologist etc You need to fall in love with yourself again. The way I did it was - listen to the music I used to love, I started to walk in the sun ☀️ and doing things for myself, working hard, saving hard, a daily skincare routine, eating wisely and mindfully. Having a favourite cup or plate. Getting joy from the simple things. Life is a journey, so many different paths and chapters.....enjoy them all.

@joelmasantos879

3 жыл бұрын

Tanya 🙏thank you so much! I really needed this advice, I feel lost and have to start from somewhere, so true what you said and I’ll definitely follow it because today while crying (been crying for the past 48hours) I played some old music that I used to like when I was single, and it did lift my spirits and I even sang along. I’m not going to concentrate on getting him back it takes two to get it wrong but two to want to fix it as you said. I’m going to concentrate on myself and enjoy life .🙏

@Kiwiwanderer

3 жыл бұрын

Joelma Santos ....also Susan David, Emily Maroutian ...watch every you tube clip with Ester Perel in it! FYI at 50 after 23 yrs single I met my best friend/ life person ....he introduced me to camping ⛺️, hiking 🥾, ocean swimming 🏊‍♀️.....he’s 10yrs younger ..... 7 years in and we are still going strong ...even though it has not been plain sailing ......my adult daughter doesn’t accept him, he was divorced with 2 teenagers and I wasn’t interested in being a step parent ...my aging parents are demanding attention........we still make it work. You have one precious life, don’t waste it one persons opinion ...go out and get your big juicy one off life!!!

Her skill of verbalization is brilliant.

@englishwithmilene2810

3 жыл бұрын

True! She is very eloquent!

@TB-rx1ue

3 жыл бұрын

She’s brilliant.

@readingsbycara

3 жыл бұрын

Her message is brilliant as well. *Love ♥️ Esther !*

@carolineackroyd9027

3 жыл бұрын

I agree, one of most well spoken authorities out there. I love listening to her, taking key phrsses and words. Her message is brilliant & refreshing too!

@TinaSotis

3 жыл бұрын

So true. I'm marvel at her ability to communicate complex ideas so smoothly. I wish I had that talent.

I’m really grateful for the access to her material. Many of us don’t get the right help to improve our marriages. It can literally take months and month to even get access to therapy. This access has literally saved my marriage from disasters in the midst of crisis from infidelity. Thank you Esther and a few other in the digital world for sharing your wisdom with those of us who couldn’t afford to pay for it. God Bless you !

Esther is my virtual therapist! Such aha moments every time I listen to her!

@jgarciajr82

3 жыл бұрын

@Last Christmas I gave u my Fart Not "only" woman but I was also raised by woman like her. Strong.

@DrTLKillens

3 жыл бұрын

Last Christmas she will appeal to relationally oriented people, seeking to understand the dynamics of interconnectedness

@anesh128

3 жыл бұрын

You’re so lucky! Every time I view her website it says she’s booked and can’t take anymore patients!

@SimoneBamboo

3 жыл бұрын

Saaaaammmmeeee!!!

@delreymarketing7

3 жыл бұрын

Llklo

"The essence of a conversation is not what you say but how you listen" . Brilliant ! Thanks to both of you Esther and Rangan

@Rubylove48

3 жыл бұрын

Actually, it’s both.

@kathleen4376

3 жыл бұрын

rockin'12x 100%

@safroze1

3 жыл бұрын

@@Rubylove48 nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

@MarionFiedlerMusic

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks. This is most precious. If we listened to her advice we would avoid many a challenge in our lives!

@germelinaobrien5277

3 жыл бұрын

The essence would be the understood message...and the messenger would know it by the feedback received from the receiver.Then there could be added info for a continuity of conversation.

She’s simply the best! Straight, to the point, no nonsense and reflective in her answers.

@curlyjazz79

7 ай бұрын

She’s my teacher

I'm so happy that Esther answered the whole "you must know or love yourself before you love someone else". It never made sense to me because if that were the case, how come people with low self-esteem (conscious or unconscious) be in a loving relationship? And how will you ever fully know yourself if identity is fluid and an ongoing process in our lives? I fully believe that we get to know ourselves through the relations we make with others and the relationships we create. Relationships are a great option for self-discovery, because they really help you reveal sides of yourself, you never thought you had

@husseinfaiz3397

3 жыл бұрын

This is absolutely true. Im 29 and jusy got into my 1st serious relationship Ive had flings here an there, but that never made me look at myself the way it does now. And in 10months ive been in this, i parts of me i probably didnt see my whole life, which is crazy.

@mariapadilla7501

3 жыл бұрын

TRUE, we live in such a self centered narcissistic world that nauseates me. I t is when we give of ourselves to others when we fulfill our purpose.

@yabe1496

3 жыл бұрын

Learning to love yourself, as any other process in life, is something that happens while other things happens too. I was healing my cptsd while raising my babies, I just wanted to puase everything else and focus only in healing, he, he, no way. I could have not pay attention to my kids and just do my healing, but damaged to my babies would have been huge.

@LoveQuestWithLisaConcepcion

3 жыл бұрын

The distinction that needed to be made, in my opinion is "healthy" relationships require self love. There are many loving yet, dysfunctional relationships out there.

@mnmz9304

2 жыл бұрын

I definitely think is both!

*Meaning making = the stories we tell ourselves. 'Only know yourself through INTERACTIONS with OTHERS: the way I SPEAK is INFLUENCED by the way you LISTEN. The way I see MYSELF is INFLUENCED by the way you SEE ME. We are not just ONE PERSON, we might have core characteristics we are shaped by the relationship we are in. The RELATIONSHIP MAKES US'

I’m lying down with two heat packs (it’s cold in Melbourne) and loving my podcasts. I am learning so much. People that watch TV have no idea what they are missing!!!!

@thehorsebackheroine5950

4 жыл бұрын

Indeed. I can't remember the last time I sat down just to stare ar the telly. There is so much to learn and not enough time to learn it all!

@Froglet1968

4 жыл бұрын

Melbourne is one of my favourite places in the world... I too love podcasts...

@WideAwakeHuman

4 жыл бұрын

People still watch TV? lol

@thenoblelaw9213

3 жыл бұрын

The Horseback Heroine made i CV me

@laurieduncan6096

3 жыл бұрын

Haven’t watched TV in at least 3 years, and yes.....I love my podcasts too!! So much good stuff out there from all over the world that one would never hear on television.

"Behind every criticism is a wish" I really like this!

@kathleen4376

3 жыл бұрын

Positive spin on how to approach asking clarifying questions

@carmenbalcomb4106

2 жыл бұрын

I am amazed at her insight and wisdom,it's very interesting ,whether her advice could have helped my relationship 31 years ago,would have been interesting to see.The usual route(relate) did nothing to help.

When your in a bad relationship it makes you become a bad person ,or brings out the worst in you,and it changes you. This is so true ! If your in a bad relationship you can change for the worst. It happens with people.

@jessicaman692

3 жыл бұрын

Margaret Nicola B relationship is a mirror. Yes help us to see who we are and how good and how bad we can be. The trick is what’s the definition of good and bad? Bottom line is if you don’t like your current relationship, start the change within and evaluate what is the desire of being in this relationship. We always have choices to stay or to leave. We are not victim, we are victor and as long as we take responsibility we are in power. 🙏🏻💖

@davidsonknight342

3 жыл бұрын

I don't think this is what she said?

@davidsonknight342

3 жыл бұрын

We do not all have the choice to stay or to leave.

@tracesprite6078

3 жыл бұрын

I agree that some relationships are toxic. You may find yourself in a relationship with someone who needs to treat people badly and it's not just because you bring out the bad side of that person. That may be a fixed side of that person or that person may see you as too gentle to be able to defend yourself. You could stay and try to bring out the best in that person but you may also decide that that is not how you want to use your time and energy. Also it may be dangerous for you to stay.

@sallykiruri3339

3 жыл бұрын

@@davidsonknight342 I agree with you, Also don't think that's what she said. Moreover I agree with her. It just shows how people read(or see)communication differently.

Am hooked on this lady she explains things in a whole different way ... deep

“Little did you know you were going to be the abusive brother, the adoring father” wow I love this paradigm shift and perspective!!! The stories we tell ourselves and the characters we play in the stories of others 🙏🏽❤️

Esther is amazing. It's so easy for her to connect with people that she's able to turn every interview into a therapy session.

She for me is the most learned, brilliant, impressive to lead us all about how to shape our relationships and lives. I want to listen her with all my attention.

"Now, a few minutes ago, you called me master. What is a master? I would say that he is not someone who teaches something, but someone who inspires the student to do his best to discover a knowledge he already has in his soul." Paulo Coelho

"If you want to change the other, change yourself". "Listen" Thank you for another brilliant, humane, meaningful discourse on relationships.

@kathleen4376

3 жыл бұрын

With limits and boundaries

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Vivianna Tellis,your lovely smile can make the news!

@viviannatellis9500

3 жыл бұрын

@@kathleen4376 ok✌🏼

@viviannatellis9500

3 жыл бұрын

@@lioydwilliams1850 So kind🙏🏼

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

@@viviannatellis9500 you are welcome my dear.I am Lioyd from the States.You?

Yes, Esther is my virtual therapist. She's an eye opener. I'm grateful to have known her. She's a blessing. I especially liked the thing she said about loving yourself first. Cause i feel that theres something lacking with that phrase. So beautifully said. I hope that i can apply her teachings in my life.

I'm a big fan of Esther, I discovered her on TED talks a few years back..... I lover her wisdom and knowledge with all things relationships💕🍀. ....I could listen all day💕🍀 and I'm a fan of Dr Rangan too, he has such an approachable and down to earth attitude to people, Blessings from Ireland 🍀 🍀 🍀 🍀

Aaah want to write down every second sentence, to revisit and rethink, love her

@DrChatterjeeRangan

4 жыл бұрын

Glad you found the conversation useful!

@elizabethgeorrge5035

3 жыл бұрын

It was so beautiful when she described relationship as the theatre and you being part of a play you didn't audition for. Makes so much sense, as one normally tends to blame oneself for a troubled relationship, but as she says it really does take two to tango and you respond based on how you are treated or communicated to.

@XNadax

3 жыл бұрын

Thats what i did haha i created a qoute thread of things she said that resonated with me. Shes a gem of a woman!

She is such a wise, lovely, intelligent, loving soul! Thanks for such a productive, profound conversation.

@erzsebethautau3089

10 ай бұрын

This is a TRUE 🙏☀️❤️🎶

A rewarding relationship brings out the best in us. A Character in a story....

Thank you . I now understand that whileI live a very independent life, I was raised for interdependence. everything valuable for me is attributed to the interconnected spaces.

I've listened to 3 Esther interviews by different people today (and others in the past), and this one was by far the best. It honestly was great to hear you open up about your life too.. It helps us realise that 1) everyone else is human too, and not "perfect", and 2) the positive side that you managed to resolve things, and are still inspired to constantly improve things. Thank you both for brining this to us.

I believe that relationships are are spiritual teachers❤️✨. Thank you for this exchange!

@cherylbadger2887

3 жыл бұрын

Ooh lovely way to think of it x

@richardferree5466

3 жыл бұрын

@@cherylbadger2887 you look amazing! My name is Richard

It's hard to tell who I love more watching this. Here are two beautiful humans working to help the rest of us.

Thank you so very much. I have watched this 3 times. I am so wanting to repair my 28 year relationship. This talk has given me hope. I want to share it with the love of my life. Thank you 🙏.

Why would anyone want to watch television when you can watch and listen to this brilliant lady?

RESPECT AND LISTENING TO ONE ANOTHER IS DEEPLY IMPORTANT. LOVE THE "TEA CATCHUP." HOW LOVELY AND REAL. THE RITUALS MATTER.

"All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances." William Shakespeare How true!

@tarynstewart8279

3 жыл бұрын

I have never read that passage from Hamlet in this context before. Brilliant!

@TB-rx1ue

3 жыл бұрын

I think she means we are relational not that life is a performance...

Absolutely loved it.. Love Rangans vulnerability and honesty and Ester is the best, what a wisdom teacher.. Amazing

Great podcast, wish I knew of Esther in my 20's. However w out my painful relationship experiences her words wouldn't be so powerful.

Wow. Esther Perel always bring new insights. That’s not how that person is. That’s how that person is-with you. That’s really profound. Been struggling with making sense of my relationship dynamics with someone. This by itself helps me make sense of what’s going on.

@hgzmatt

3 жыл бұрын

Yes and that's why I truly believe that my ex brought out the best in me.. at no point have I been more motivated, open minded and ready to try new things. Maybe that's the one big gift she gave me short as it was. And she made me rethink a lot of my recent life decisions.. which is good and bad. But I'm not sure if it was the same the other way around.. not necessarily because of how I was in the relationship but rather how she perceived it. She was so anxious and there was no way to reassure her since I couldn't physically be there due to the whole situation. It didn't make it any easier and it might have been challenging under normal circumstances. I realize what kind of a person I'm becoming at my new workplace versus how I was with her and other people. It's almost scary to see how much it affects us.

Watching this video created a HUGE problem for me , now I’m in love with Esther 😃

@gordanacvetkovic881

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahahahah

She is simply the best a living example of what she has explored in relationships through her therapy .

With the way things are in my life right now. Esther is my best friend. Probably the only person who I can speak with.

Esther perel is indeed brilliant. Her communications skills, and the way she articulates is one of a kind

This information is actually making me feel not so bad about myself in my 31 year relationship. We have lots of challenges between us but that verbal volley “you do this so I do that” etc is the most challenging because he isn’t interested in crossing over that divide. I want him to simply say, “let’s try to make this work, I understand where you’re coming from”. Unfortunately he thinks he doesn’t do or say anything wrong and denies hurt he inflicts on me. Round and round we go, ugh!

AMEN ESTHER! You only know who you are in relationship to others❤️

I have seen many interviews with Esther, but in this one she has an incredible energy and she radiates light and life. Really enjoyed this podcast. Thank you both so much !

Big thanks to Esther! Our evolution of the new paradigm about relationships owes it to her work. I am deeply grateful for what she has been putting out in the world!

Esther. This is the best answer and nothing else can be said. What you say is so true. 100000%. We are not the same people with every single person !!! It is the space between between Two people !!!

I absolutely LOVED this interview! Thanks so much Dr. Chatterjee. Thanks so much Esther!

Thank you Dr Rangan Chatterjee, She is unique and sincere river of dynamics of understanding she transmits high waves to awaken the distorted outlooks of hardness in life. It's our first enemy. So, it's taking responsibilities of our action

This podcast is so insightful . The change in the family community traditions to a liberating breakaway to a life of independence . The evolution to finding your new tribe and new liberal life without the expected rituals. I also think it is your education and thinking. It could be connection and like mindedness but some sort of soul connections and ability of communication. Relationships are complex. It takes effort and willingness to know each other.

So true! A complain is often a wish. 😍 That example of the wife's comment is such a great example. I think we all have heard, or said, something like that in a long time relation. Great interview! 💕

What a wonderful podcast. Esther is so full of wisdom and expression; she helps so many to understand life and bring out the best of ourselves and others. Thank you so very much!

Great interview! Thank you, Dr. Rangan, for sharing some personal aspects of your life, which enabled Esther go deeper in her explanations. Greetings from Argentina.

The tech meltdown is the new intro! Funny lady, what a great guest Esther is!

Love the synergism between these two brilliant minds, God bless.

We are definitely shaped by our relationships around us and sometimes it's hard to draw that line between who we are and what we are in the relationship. Thanks for sharing

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Olympia Sophie,I admire your lovely smile

Absolutely loved this conversation...the way it sees life, relationship, culture as an organic, dynamic, changing and transformative experience...

It’s good to be vulnerable and share. It made me see I’m not alone.

Esther Perel is a beautiful being that is our gift. . Thanks to discovering her talks and more about intelligence in my relationship I've been having some really nice breakthroughs and I'm hoping that these things get through to my spouse

ugh. Rangan, you need to let Esther do most of the talking. Listening is golden, dear.

I love you Doctor Rangan, Your such a kind soul and we all appreciate your efforts and your honesty. You were very brave to give us that honesty in this convo and you are a joy to listen to. It does feel like we are sitting in on the chats you're having with other professionals and I know thats what you aim for. You guys edit this and you could've easily cut that out but your'e showing us that "even people like you" are vunerable and have feelings and wants and needs to be met. You are a trailblaizer and I for one love you sooooo much Lol, your nearest and dearest are lucky to have you !

Esther Perel is such a lovely, brilliant, human!

Esther Perel is always a source of revelation! And some great questions from Dr. Rangan

@DrChatterjeeRangan

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks Anna. Really glad you enjoyed it!

@ettalinehill

4 жыл бұрын

And it's so refreshing to have an interviewer who asks a question then is quiet for the reply, without the need to butt in. Thank you, Dr Chatterjee, for NOT making this interview all about you and showing off what you know. Others could learn from this.

Esther Perel you are the best of the best. These internet guys have been talking about carbs for months now. The subject has changed !!

I have recently found Esther i love listening to you - i learn so much in a short space of time...... Thank you x

Amazing, I love Esther, so many different perspectives and ways of framing

@DrChatterjeeRangan

4 жыл бұрын

Agreed. A real honour to speak to her

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Plamena Licheva, you got a lovely smile

So so good! Esp. with regards to the history - 'it takes a village' - also the 'behind every criticism is a wish' - expectations are too high for men and women.......Love this podcast!!!

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Neela Prabhu, you got a smile that can make the news

Esther Perel is a blessing to us!!

Thank you ever so much for this interview! Esther is indeed a master and you had the right questions! Thank you once again!

wow, how does this not have millions of views !! Ester bless your soul for your words have made me feel like I can finally see after being deprived of sight. Thank You.

Phenomenal wisdom and insight! This was mind opening! Thank you!

So lively and loved! So much appreciated! Thanks a lot!!!!

Such a wise woman! Thanks so much for this contribution Rangan! Its so nice to hear a discussion about our culture and how it contributes to our stories!

@DrChatterjeeRangan

4 жыл бұрын

No problem. Thanks for your feedback Kaia!

I love to listen to this woman... she is so charismatic.

@susanmcguire4664

3 жыл бұрын

She is smart and passionate about helping people learn how to improve their relationships. I love hearing her suggestions and wise words.

Love you both! More conversations like this. And so good to see a medical doctor engaging in the emotional side of things as well.

Thanks so much for this, I've recently stumbled across Esther and her videos and I'm glad that I've now found your channel and this video aswell. This is incredibly insightful, and I'm sure will help many people as it has done for me. Will definitely check out some of your other videos as well, I like this format, you asked alot of good questions and giving eachother time to talk and expand on your answers.

I love Esther . She is so worth the time. Whom ever she's interviewing with.

Amazing !!!! ❤️ Life altering ! I had to stop everything and listen !!!!!! Thanks 🙏

You build yourself up, through your interactions with others and being in a relationship.

It’s so important to come to terms with what one values in terms of feeling satisfaction. Looking to make others full-field is the key difference in the ways cultures are defined. It’s extremely interesting in New York. As different cultures unite in marriages. Valuing the freedom of owning one’s free spirit is very beautiful. Finding a partner that supports one’s ability to want to keep growing is what one is facing.Relationships are totally changed from once upon a time. Thank you. What you say is very appreciated. Margo

I love her!!! what a remarkable thinker!!!

She is so good! I love where do you begin 💓💓💓

I think you're AMAZING!!! You are and continue to be instrumental in helping me in my life. Thank you so much.

I have been divinely led to you Esther ready to receive your word Knowledge brings power for change within You are extremely gifted and enlightening Thank you 🙏 💛💫

Thank you so much for sharing your helpful perspectives with the public! They are greatly appreciated!

Absolutely amazing podcast! It has given me a lot to think about. So grateful for you, Dr Rangan, and the work you are doing here :)

Ester!!! This information is blissful and exciting thank you for this!!

Yup--'n' she is not only Bright, "brilliant"; she be darn purdy, too. . . And magically assertive.

perfect duo! Thank you for this amazing conversation. I wish you guys had a podcast together...

Her insights on human relationships are compelling and attractive. Esther Perel is a beautiful woman

One of my fav interviews with Esther. I just found out your podcast and I find it very insightful. Keep up the good work!

You really have helped me just now. Thank you.

She's so brilliant. We are absolutely shaped by the relationship and yes, we make the relationship and the relationship makes us. 👌 🙌

Thank you Esther and Dr Rangan. I wish i had found you earlier in life but I greatly appreciate your wealth of knowledge.

She's incredible. No wonder she's the best.

brilliant and invaluable advice!!! thank you so much!!!!!!

I love esther. Shes phenomenal

Wonderful way to spend an hour. Thank you both for your time!

dr that is very well said..we get to improve and know yourself better...

Really enjoyed this, thank you!

What a worthy and wonderful talk!!!

She is so great. I love hearing that we are all the same. So nice to know I'm not alone.

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Hallie Belt, your lovely smile can make the news!

I shall be watching alot more of you both..thank you x...

Thank you so much for sharing this. Such wisdom an so well explained. A beautiful interaction between Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Esther Perel; good questions and eye opening answers.

Brilliant and insightful. Thank you.