I don't know if I 100% agree with this. My parents left me responsible for everything and I never developed those skills. I think a lot of this depends upon the child's personality. I'm interested in hearing more about this.

@papi77on

Ай бұрын

Did they let you be responsible for those things within the context of their grace-filled support and clear detached consequences? By "detached" I mean, sometimes parents inconvenience themselves by the consequences their children go through. So though by allow us to experience consequences, us doing so still carries weight. Another way to say this is that they are attached to the child making one choice over the other alternatives. It leads to a mess of passive aggressive control. May you give detail to your experience?

@missy8867

Ай бұрын

@@papi77on I was responsible for doing my own homework with no guidance or looking over. I always procrastinated, did a poor job frequently on assessments, etc. I still struggle with time management, etc. My parents made me figure out finances on my own. . I still struggle with money management, etc. Even though I bought my own car and paid for college, and held a job at the same time, so I could have health insurance. I should be fiercely independent, but I'm not.

@Hukolb11

Ай бұрын

I’m interested in how executive function plays into it as well. My siblings and I learned responsibility early on with a single mom, mostly hands off parenting and we were driven. We figured things out. But I feel others in our position but who struggle with attention might not have learned those skills? Which leaves me wondering about my own children who are now a mix of the two and seem to need more help, some than others and more actual skill demonstration and reminders. They don’t actively test things out and figure it out on their own or learn from the natural consequences. It’s getting trickier the older they get with higher risk when failing. College applications and scholarships for example. What is the balance :)?

@aaria2563

Ай бұрын

Healthy brain. Watch Dr. Amens first conversational point from this speech.

@pursuingpurity596

26 күн бұрын

Same here but I'm wondering maybe it's because in cases like ours, our parents were on the other extreme? Not cheerleading or getting involved at all?

I agree. There are resources for children who are struggling (tutoring). Otherwise, children should not be coddled to the point of being crippled in adulthood.

@missy8867

Ай бұрын

I agree, but I do not believe this kind of rearing yields the same results in every child.

Self esteem comes from self efficacy. Thanks Dr Amen.

@moonhunter9993

Ай бұрын

I don't think they are the same

@papi77on

Ай бұрын

I agree! I was a very organized child at a young age. Very helpful around the house. In my late twenties I hit depression and was quite the opposite. I very slowly and steadily lost respect for myself. There is a self-esteem that comes from being responsibility to ones affairs.

@Jannett-ik5lh

16 күн бұрын

Not always. You can be self efficient and not have good self esteem. I know I'm talking from experience. I'm self efficient but low self esteem. .so stop

When my kids come to me with the "I'm bored" problem. They get something to clean. They almost never come to me with that anymore

@marie-celinevanseveren3855

11 күн бұрын

Are they still bored but u don t know it or is yr house perfectly clean? 😂

Thank you for this!

I love it! 🙏 💕 ♥

He’s right 💯

I love Dr Amen ❤ he is wise. Always he has solid arguments

The homework thing didn't work for me. I never did home work in 5th grade and was in ISS instead of recess for most of the year. I still struggle with doing homework outside of class.

Sad thing is now, where I live (Ontario, can) they don’t hold kids back anymore. And they don’t seem to have consequences for not completing work. They put it on the parents responsibility.

i see the practice of over parenting in my son’s sport team. The kids whose their Mothers do everything for them shows extreme weakness and act like little babies even though they are in High School. If they lose a game, they will hide, they don’t even know how to prepare their own snacks. I feel sad that they will not be able to cope with life challenges. In the contrast, kids who parents step away they exude self-confidence and resilience

@Icemocha27

15 күн бұрын

Absolutely!!!!

What if you've been unconsciously doing this for most of the kids life and now they are pre-teen/teen and you need to start doing this to reinforce capability and confidence in your child? Do you have any material to help with working with older kids/teens that need this kind of suppport? ❤ Thanks for your amazing content. It has helped me change my life dramatically 😊

Teach them to solve but youll alsi be thete for yhem we as grown ups jad problems solving our own problems sometimes & have to gey help..man you know tell the truth

Where can we get this entire show?

@Cal0z961

28 күн бұрын

kzread.info/dash/bejne/eIyA3Nt7erjAmtY.htmlsi=CvYkuw_VoCSP72Kx

Thank you for tip From which kid age can I strat this method? Does it will work on my 4 years old daughter?

@Torpax_

28 күн бұрын

You can't start too soon

As a teacher I don't agree. First you have to teach what it is like to be responsible for your homework and then step by step reduce the control. Otherwise it will lead to the opposite and the academic part will also be suffering.

@danilomorales745

18 күн бұрын

I am a high school math teacher, and I have been teaching for 20 years. I exactly do what he recommends. I teach the math concepts with my students but I allow them to solve the problems independently/group, explore and troubleshoot it. I allow them to commit mistakes on homework and math exercises when the penalty is very low. This strategy allows my student to develop their critical thinking and mathematical analysis/skills. When they get to the actual exams, all of them performed well. It has been been 3 consecutive years that I am receiving 100% passing and proficiency rate from the state test. As of now, I got the highest Math proficiency rate across my school distirct. Parents and teachers should realize that there is a very thin line that separates helping and enabling. Sometimes, the best thing you can do to help the child is not to help at all.

Affordable consequences...I call these natural consequences. I think it is helpful to lay them out for kids. It builds trust when they choose to fail and incur the consequences that you lovingly told them would occur. Don't exaggerate or lie to kids. Be realistic.

I wish it works

Do you remember Ruby from KZread channel eight passengers? When her daughter forgot her food to school Ruby to teach her responsibility she didn't bring that food and let her daughter to be hungry and it was abuse so... Is it good?

Ohhhh grief 😮😢

What if the kid realize that it is their work to do and still they choose not to take their responsibility?

@daughter9moons

29 күн бұрын

Natural consequences work just fine. When my son was in high school, one of his responsibilities who to take out the household trash. Once he just refused, letting it sit and build for two weeks. So I waited until one afternoon when all of his buddies were over playing their games. I took all of the trash into his room and placed it in the middle of the floor. He was playing a game and quickly said, “I told you I would take it out.” My response was and it will sit here until you do.” His buddies made him take it out immediately. Funny thing, he turned out all right and was very successful when he joined the marines. And is still very successful.

I think parents do too much cause they lack patience etc kids Take time and mess up and they get frustrated and find it easier to do things themselves

Should we, adults, decide to just follow the kids right from they being toddlers which helps us unlearn all that rubbish gathered as we grew up in our parents captive teaching.