So... something kinda amazing happened to me at the DPR show, specifically in the middle of Ian's performance, so prepare for a lil rant LOL ;)
Basically, I've had this cold for 2 weeks, nothing serious just super annoying, especially when I've been looking forward to a concert :/ anyway, I was nervous for the show because I still wasn't feeling 100% and also because I've had a pretty bad track record recently at concerts, i.e. having panic attacks. I took every precaution I could, but still... so, during my favorite song (Avalon) I started feeling really dizzy & I could tell I was about to faint, likely from a mixture of exhaustion/sickness and also just general anxiety from being in such a tight crowd for so many hours (I get really claustrophobic) so, after that song ended, I turned to my friend, told her to stay, and said that I was going to go to the back of the room and maybe sit down. I did that- found a nice little corner with no people, and tried to breathe through it for several minutes. Eventually, I felt better physically but of course, I started getting those irritating thoughts; "Lexi, why are you so weak, why can't you just be normal like everybody else, no one else is having problems... you've ruined the entire experience for yourself by being *blah blah blah*" so... I started crying, feeling like I had somehow disappointed myself because I was missing some of the show. Cue Ian's little speech... I know it sounds cheesy but it felt like he was speaking directly to me. Suddenly, I had this strange thought... I realized I was making myself miserable on purpose now. Any more sitting around feeling less than was only me punishing myself for perceived failures. I realized that I could continue to feel that way, or I could get up, and move past those feelings, and enjoy the rest of the show I'd been looking forward to for so long. So I did! It might not sound like much- just standing up and having a good time, but I'm usually very self-conscious about things like that, especially when I'm alone. And yet, I'm so happy I did it because I had a great time!!! I was no longer crowded by people, I could still see the stage (actually, I could see it even better!) and it honestly just felt like I was hanging out with Ian and dancing around like idiots- it was so much fun :) I realized... my "fun" doesn't have to look like everyone else's. It's okay that I sometimes need to take a step back and do what's best for myself at that moment. But I don't need to linger in those bad feelings. Like Ian said; if you love something, just fucking go for it, because it's worth it! I genuinely could never thank him enough for everything he does and the ways that he inspires me. It shouldn't be a surprise that I had an epiphany like that at his show... well, thanks for listening to me haha ;) and thanks for watching!
-Love always, Lexi
p.s. vid creds to @averyfahl1556 as usual LOL