The best lesson that I've learned from narcissists is knowing what love is not.

@kingagrad3436

4 ай бұрын

Today is my day.

@positvgal8

4 ай бұрын

Myself also

@gabrielnadia1085

4 ай бұрын

Ça c'est clair 😅

@luckystargazer

4 ай бұрын

to quote Tina Turner, what's love got to do with it?

@karadiberlino

4 ай бұрын

PRECISELY!!! ❤💯

The more you love the narcissist the more he hates you😮

@MariaCascalheira-sh9eq

4 ай бұрын

Yes😢

@jonickol

4 ай бұрын

It's so true!😲😥

@victoriousjoy9338

4 ай бұрын

EXACTLY!!

@shiny7301

4 ай бұрын

Totally agreed 💯👍

@Dazarabia522

4 ай бұрын

That's been my experience yes

A narcissists greatest mission in life is to make your life more miserable than theirs...............😮

@Verena101

4 ай бұрын

True.

@lindatallon9217

4 ай бұрын

@@bradfaulkner9597 the narcs reading these comments and the exposure of all of them shrinks their supply sources .........

@TraciDoering-hw8hu

3 ай бұрын

The more you resist his or her control, are independent, hold to your boundaries, speak your mind, have your own goals and much more, the more they hate you, seek to destroy, sabotage, manipulate and get vengeance. They own you and are entitled to do as they please to you. How dare you own your own life!

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Safe People by Henry Cloud

@user-jo9bt4gu5r

Ай бұрын

A Narcissist gets happy when their target is sad JazzyT, Scapegoat of two Narc's.

“Don’t waste your love bc if you waste your love, you will be wasted.” - No truer words can be spoken 😏

@ralovant

4 ай бұрын

🙋‍♂🙋‍♂

@mybeautifuljourney7540

3 ай бұрын

Damn!😮

@mah3223alia

3 ай бұрын

I do not agree. My ability to love is mine...I don't really care whether it's accepted by the narcissist or not.

He is 100% correct. Love yourself enough to seek something real

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

What The Heck Is Self Love Anyways? by Jonathon Aslay Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer

@nellythenarcissist

22 күн бұрын

Totally agree! I learnt to appreciate authenticity and a desire for something real!

@cynthiarouse

22 күн бұрын

@@nellythenarcissist the older one gets the more important character and connection on a deeper level becomes. Healing frequencies changed my life I can’t recommend them highly enough. Avoid toxic food substances people and places. Good luck on your recovery ❤️‍🩹

Loving a narcissist is unkind. To both the narcissist and yourself. It's better to just be as kind and respectful as possible.

@jesyjones5078

4 ай бұрын

So true

@terencehennegan1439

4 ай бұрын

Nicely put, however, if your kind and respectful to them they will take that as an open door because boundaries mean nothing to them and before you know it familiarity will breed contempt.

@AdamKraft-hq8pn

4 ай бұрын

I've often thought the same.

@energyisenergy

4 ай бұрын

​@@terencehennegan1439Kind and respectful as possible means not doing exactly that to or with a narcissist.

@ourlovehowerica

4 ай бұрын

They reject love because they perceive love as a weakness an addiction and a threat.

This is heartbreaking. So sad so many humans are still hurt children. Says something about our world.

@shannonsnowwhite2301

4 ай бұрын

Yes, I think it really speaks to many of our problems world wide.

@KnowledgeSeeker78491

4 ай бұрын

Only solution I see is to be an antinatalist

@shannonsnowwhite2301

4 ай бұрын

Thank you for your response here. I didn’t know the term and went to look up the actual definition.

@karadiberlino

4 ай бұрын

@@KnowledgeSeeker78491😂 That‘s a great word! Even Oshos says people who don‘t have kids deserve an award.

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Safe People by Henry Cloud

Bedroom commodity... That is what their partner or lover is to them.

During a walk by the sea I came across a woman recently divorced from a narcissist airline pilot. He'd been a serial cheater during their 30 yr marriage. She only found out at the end. He had no problem hiding his cheating. At the end of our 45 min talk I saw a glimpse of her pain, vulnerability and brokeness.

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Compartementalizing. This betrayal really does a number on you. It's abuse. The entire relationship is a lie. Certainly infidelity can cause severe PTSD.

@llewmatthews4828

2 ай бұрын

@sherriflemming3218 Some men can compartmentalize sexual infidelity.. and sex is just a thing, an experience, no different from a fine meal 🙃 but perhaps an element of addiction and compulsion. Seen it a couple of times with guys I knew

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

​@@llewmatthews4828 Yes, I completely understand compartementalizing.. Both genders can. Indeed addiction and compulsion. Academic studies are: 1. Family history - partially genetic 2. Sexual inclinations 3. Prioritizing physical attractiveness 4. Uncommitted mating 5. Narcissism is associated with infidelity 6. Sociosexually unrestricted 7. Cultural influence. 8 More physically attractive people tend to be less satisfied - more choices. 9. Other mental health disorders.

@sherriflemming3218

22 күн бұрын

The Science Of Cheating-- Maken Murphy podcast The Mask You Live In Documentary

@margodphd

5 күн бұрын

​@@llewmatthews4828Many people can treat sex as nothing more than pleasant exercise, separate from any deep intimacy, the entire activity being nothing more than mutual masturbation, physical and mental. I am one of those people. I don't care for feeling of ownership of my partner, I wouldn't feel jealous if someone simply slept with other person and we'd laugh and compare notes. That being said, I never cheated on someone who expected loyalty - not because I would feel bad about the cheating or because I care about loyalty but simply because I don't partner with people I'd want to see hurt, humiliated, in pain. The ability to dissolve connection between love and sex and compartmentalize sexual activity as if it had never happened has nothing to do with being a cheater. Cheating is a form of abuse, proactive or reactive. For someone to cheat on the partner you promised loyalty to, a desire to hurt them must be present although I have yet to see any man admit it. Women seem more introspective in that regard, their cheating often more an attempt to punish emotionally absent, uncaring partner rather than an attempt to satisfy own unmet needs.

I had loved him like no other my whole life 😢but his abuse his cheating serially I had to walk away to save me 😔it killed me on the inside but I was almost dying with him anyways with all the abuse ..I have forgiven him but will never see him as I’m in no contact forever to maintain my life

@PaulaSimao-ol5nc

4 ай бұрын

😢

@shannonsnowwhite2301

4 ай бұрын

I’m sorry for what you have endured.

@katielung6515

3 ай бұрын

Amen 🙏

@moscowcowboy_13

3 ай бұрын

Sorry this happened. Yes, you are correct- no contact!

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer ( for healing)

"If you waste your love you will be wasted" Absolutely.

I thank you again for this video Dr Vaknin because I'm still struggling (a little) with no contact after nearly 6 months. It's still baffles and upsets me how and why someone could invest their time and energy in pretending to want a loving relationship. I am still partially heartbroken. Again, your videos help me with two key issues: missing the narcissist and personalizing the narcissist's treatment towards me. P.S. What you do is an extraordinary act of kindness and philanthropy! 🙏🥰

@signaljaguar8724

4 ай бұрын

I feel your pain. I got with another narcissist but this one was covert. It's going on two months of no contact with her. My logic knows what I need to do but my emotions want them back.

@WayWalker3

4 ай бұрын

I understand your desire to understand them, but you might as well try to understand the inner nature of a hole in a pot. It's a void, an absence, of anything with actual content. But, like a hole, it draws things into it, because of its deep void. We have to truly realise that we are being irrational in trying to understand the absence of something.

@joea1377

4 ай бұрын

@@WayWalker3 Thank you! 🥰

@mickcrovo5238

4 ай бұрын

Unfortunately, there is no evolutionary safeguard against their behavior. The lovebombing and co-idealization is very effective at getting someone pregnant and studies show that women tend to actually be attracted to narcissists, so they pass on their DNA. They are highly disfunctional but not in a way that renders them childless necessarily.

@mmd9976

4 ай бұрын

Narcissists are just the wrong person to put any kind of hope into. When we miss them it's missing what we thought we'd have. It's disappointing but at the same time very glad I realized with the narcissist I dealt with that they are the wrong person to put energy into. I had to change my thinking of what I thought that person was to me because they weren't even the person I thought they were. They are very good at their game which is sad to think there's people like that.

Absolutely!!!! Save your love for those who appreciate you……

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Agree Constance. Share it with those whom you trust respect and appreciate you. People who treat you well. Gratitude is essential. Healthy love is safe. It correlates with trust and committment. The most important love is self love. Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood

@constancemiller4279

Ай бұрын

@@TessBoze Genuine love relationships are entirely different. In this case, we give, serve, or do something just because we love the other person. In these relationships, there is no transaction taking place

This goes not just for those with NPD but also for people with narcissistic personality and narcissistic style. Stay away from all of that.

You get zero from a narc...and he is not capable

@ourlovehowerica

4 ай бұрын

Indeed, they feel unworthy of love as incapable of loving.

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer

"The goal is to reduce the narcs anxiety. Mimicking parasites. Feeding frenzy. Like pac man.Their loving partner is their host. The trauma that never leaves them. Repetitive compulsion."

@vickibazter3446

Ай бұрын

Truth

Wow, really deep topic that needs another play through. Polio abused my mother. Placed in an isolation ward aged 18 months. I grew up with her constantly accusing me with the words "I'd always wanted a baby to love and to hug, but YOU always pushed me away!" She was either accusing me, blaming and guilting me, using me for her needs, or neglecting me every day of my life. I've finally given up at age 67. What an enduring fool I've been.

I have experienced this with men. It's so painful because they are not capable and don't believe in you 😢

Narcissist deserve love and compassion... But not participation. I find people developing sociopathic defense responses to narcissist, which is also scary

@drivethruabortion280

4 ай бұрын

Where's Virgo?

@Amina679

3 ай бұрын

​@@drivethruabortion280here. Why?

@Amina679

2 ай бұрын

@@user-kd8mj7zy2c who?

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

The response is trauma as a result of the pathological relationship. Insanity is repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result. Choose peace, your sanity, safety and stability over chaos. The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Body Keeps The Score Brain Mind And Body In The Healing Of Trauma---Bessell Van Der Volk The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Safe People by Henry Cloud The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker

@InHerAlchemistTv

2 ай бұрын

@@sherriflemming3218 you know how many kill3rs do so as a trauma response? It's pathological toxic demonic response to trauma just as it is with the narcissist, are they not having a trauma response 🧐

I had an abusive traumatizing childhood from a mentally ill mother and an absent father, I was placed in foster care and started to receive therapy at the age of nine. at times I still struggle, however, I don’t believe I am a narcissist. my heart is open. I believe with love and thereby anyone can change however I would not waste my time in a relationship with a narcissist because it can be draining and you do not have the power to change this person this type of illness needs extensive psychotherapy treatment.

This is the the second time in my whole life I'm commenting on a video. This is the by far the best description of the experience of "being with" a n., which I am now sure of he is. I remember telling a friend after the discard, the worst thing about the "relationship" was not, that he couldn't give love but that he was incapable of receiving it. I've been in strict no contact since the end and recently crossed paths with him by chance. I felt nothing. Not even pity.

After you realize that the love bombing and the initial shared fantasy is over, after you become a weaker form of supply for your narc, when the devaluation has begun and you are headed for the eventual discard-this is the video for you. Now you know that you will never make it- the relationship is fake, has always been fake, and what in the world are you going to do now? Isn’t it amazing that so many people are involved with someone that is hurting them- their partner is narcissist. Look at all the comments in this thread. This guy is so accurate. I am amazed that he is a diagnosed narcissist himself. I wonder why he is doing this? He has a lot of fans, myself included. If you know him personally, closely, it will be a very unpleasant experience. It must be if he is a narcissist. Must be. And yet so many people are leaning on him so heavily to figure out how to get through all the pain and misery that people like him are giving to them. Well, everything he says makes so much sense. How can a narcissist talk about love so well, without actually knowing what love is? Well, Everything checks out perfectly experientially. Now what?

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Safe People by Henry Cloud The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer For healing.

I've learned the hard way toxic relationships can only exist when both partners are toxic. I was the submissive one, but I don't consider myself as the victim anymore, neither do I consider my ex-partner as the villain. I'm just sad we dragged eachother into our own misery.

@JuliettaRabens

4 ай бұрын

interesting insight. I have observed something like "toxic equilibrium" that can seem to sustain longer-term.

@ViralVibes_01

4 ай бұрын

I agree

@elstal22

4 ай бұрын

I willfully ignored obvious red flags. So, yes, I was toxic. A healthy self-validating person would have walked away.

@ArtificialSoul

4 ай бұрын

@@elstal22 Toxic behavior doesn't necessarily mean you are a toxic person 😘 We all humans make mistakes. We all have to learn and unfortunately not everybody gets the chance to learn from loving and supporting parents. I really don't know what it is with narcissists. My father is one. I myself have been diagnosed with BPD. I can recognise a lot of myself in his behavior, but only to a certain level.

@TC-mf1cq

4 ай бұрын

@@elstal22 I don't think that's true in every case. Some people convince themselves that the narcissist will change if they are patient and treat them with more kindness, often for the sake of not breaking up a family. Foolishness isn't toxicity, especially when you don't understand what you're dealing with.

Love is money, without you cannot love. My brother taught me this and he is 100% right. He told me life is shit and blood and you have to fight for everyrhing. He fought me and was very clever. Now i will give back to the world what i learned : nothing. I will think to myself...what a wonderful world.

This video is the summation of message that all the victims need to contemplate

Ive expressed how it feels for me, Its like you have put a knife in me and twisted it and while im lying on the floor dying your looking down angry at me because i cant get up and dance. Also, I can't continue to fill your cup from mine if no one is filling up my cup. We all have our own paths and even tho at times i hit rock bottom and no matter the hatred they have towards me i still wish nothing but the best. Its my path i must walk now 🙏 Your video resonated so well within me !

yeah, my ex didn't know what love was and didn't know how to receive it. such a shame, but she nearly broke me in the end.

Exactly. They push the envelope until you lash out thus confirming their hypothesis. They overthink things.

Broke. Broken down and exhausted. He has sucked me dry. Not there for me when I needed help. On my own. I'm ready to move on, and rebuild myself❤. Just a taker. He wasn't there for me, just draining, pushes me away 😞 since I have nothing left to give, it's beyond hurtful. Same old story with him. I'm not going back this time.

I believe you because the ex-narcissist repeated to me or in my presence numerous times that he was a bad person and a loser, but i also saw the way who ''seems'' to crave love, because when i kissed him i saw the expression on his face... just for a moment, then it would disappeard. I still don't understand because he was abandoned by his mother at the age of 2, been raised by his grandmother until the age of 14 then went back to his mother but was abused by her. To me he said then when he heard at the age of 17 that his grandmother died he didn't care about anything anymore. He especially verbal ''abuses'' everyone around him, i could see (do to your lectures) that it was compulsive, he also repeated numerous time that he didn't need me or no one, which was contradicted because he tried, but couldn't be alone too long, he was offiously scared to be alone. We had lots of laughs together, and sometimes even very close together, but the ''bad'' objects always seem to win, so these ''close'' moments were not often enough to accept him for who or what he is. In prison he was diagnosed being a psychopath. I am no expert but i truly think he is a clinical Narcissist, my guess due to trauma , abuse and probably cormobidity of autism again all do to your lectures. I am no longer with him, i blocked him everywere. he didn't blocked me (can still see his picture on whatsapp) but i still have a soft spot for him indeed like i abandond my son (not in the way that i want to see him or have something to do with him) But I hear from people around me that he gone completely psychotic nowadays, and that hurts me.

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

Always Listen to information to people give you. The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker Safe People by Henry Cloud The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer

@TruckerBLW

Ай бұрын

So true. And what a great reply.

Yes the Narcicist can not love and can not take love from others. So true.

Once again, you've hit it right on the head! As painful as the rage and rejection are, the inability to accept the genuine love you are offering is the most painful. The inability on the love giver's part to make that emotional connection.

Thanks very much for this enlighting video. It describes what I've let myself get caught. It helps my way out of it.

It is terrible and I also experienced, what you are saying. They are very sick people. My mother is doing the same. I am waiting for the end of this insane relationship since my early childhood. My mother is an evil bastard.

@sherriflemming3218

2 ай бұрын

The Hoffman Process by John and Julie Gottman The Untethered Soul by Micheal Singer Safe People by Henry Cloud

@annrobinson7766

Ай бұрын

So was mine. Evil and twisted. I never went to her funeral. Still glad she is gone.

Extremely depressing knowing this but it must be said

Sam, thank you for your brutal honesty...you are a PHD in human behavior, and true pioneer in the dark truth of the human void. I agree with every word you speak as a psychitrist and expert. You contribute to this world....more than anyone can ever thank you for.

That’s just a role the company assigns them. Social media just makes it easier to create a fake identity - an identity that makes them feel magical.

Rejecting is prevailing. Wow that is an epiphany for me. Thank you for your stance and sharing

It's reminiscent of Dismissive-Avoidant attachment too, though not to the same extent, for sure.

@Elizarge

4 ай бұрын

I was going to say this sounds like an Attachment Disorder as well.

I’ve never heard narcissism described this way. It makes so much sense. Controlling the partner so he can keep emotional control. Listening to you is the deepest understanding I’ve ever had of this condition. I’m going to re listen to this again after I’m done. Wow

I wish I would follow the wisdom of Sam Vaknin on this. I feel like I've been cult-brainwashed and I get bamboozled every time. Like I putting a fork into the electic socket over and over.

This helped me break into layers of a series of conversations had since the holidays. The thought process in here. Between the internet is intense. I am grateful I am able to gain your insightful thoughts so easily online. The internet and you are incredible. Thank you, Professor Vaknin.

Fascinating insight Into the depths of narcissism, what an eye/mind opener this video is. Thank you Dr Vaknin.

I finally left him, he is doing exactly what you have been saying. But he is breadcrumbing... sending sad song titked, "I will be ok, will love you.." how sick was he. Like you said, he will self destruct, I will no longer advise him on how to become healthier, better looking, so on. His son hates him, he keeps pushing son to be something he can never be, and he will treating his teen son as a husband, and he is the wife. I hope his government wakes up and saves the kid. Thank you for pointing out the truth in full detail.

@cleonagretelgodinho2881

4 ай бұрын

You did the right thing ❤

@sharon_rose724

4 ай бұрын

Oh I used to get the songs, too.. "I thought I'd have you for a lifetime.." "I'm saying I miss you, I've never been so ashamed, tell me how I could use a friend like you.." I told myself he used music to express himself, to say the things that he couldn't. Now I know it was a manipulation tool. Best of luck to you, you definitely did the right thing.

Zero tolerance anymore!

Incredibly helpful! It freed me from questioning my experiences of love, cuz whenever I shared or displayed love to my parents, they would intellectually explain to me how it can't be. My father an orphan, my mother taking care since childhood of a verbally abusive and crippled mother... it makes sooo much sense that they will not tolerate to experience or acknowledge love, I feel so freed! thanks again

I don’t feel like I need anyone. I want people but I’m ok on my own, is that narcissistic?

Sam, it was love for 30 years, but my wife tossed me away like a candy wrapper. Where did my love go?

@rolandgervais154

4 ай бұрын

20 years over here for me - you ask a difficult question....

@beesknees5441

4 ай бұрын

20 years on & off here too, I was complicit In my own abuse... In my experience It's difficult to untangle it all, but liberating beyond a certain point ✨ Rediscovering yourself is paramount & on that journey gaining the invaluable knowledge & guidance from people like Dr Vaknin, slowly but surely your self love & ability to feel love translates into understanding at least you still have the ability to feel & share love ❤ Only now with more self knowledge, love, boundaries & discernment ✨ For growing healthy relationships going forward 🌈✌️😉

@margodphd

5 күн бұрын

To assume love died or went away, there must have been love to begin with. These people are unable to love. It's impossible to loose what was never there. Falling out of love, that's completely different process.

30 seconds in and I'm hearing my experience with the narcissist, 42 years, ZILCH !!

@BflyMom_212

4 ай бұрын

@LAURIEANNJESS I can relate. I just got out of a 30 year marriage with a Narcissist. He never loved Me. What a waste of My life! We didn't know anything about These evil people back then. Now it's everywhere! It's going to take a to heal from his abuse. Sorry you got hit too.

@LAURIEANNJESSEN

4 ай бұрын

@@BflyMom_212 I cannot afford to regret the past. Self-pity and regret are absolutely worthless and self harming! Fill your new blank canvas with a fulfilling new expression of yourself! You are still the personality you were back when!! Keep living who you were and always have been!! You are not anything that the narcissist projected onto you, nor are you the negativity he ascribed to you. Let that crap fall away from you, and step out of that steaming pile of lies, and walk away. Never look back. No remorse. Free!!

@dennyfie

3 ай бұрын

That is a long time,best to you.14 months for me was way much.i knew her from back in High school.a lot changed in about 46 years, for me it h@@BflyMom_212

@dennyfie

3 ай бұрын

For me it has been a strain,on my heath.agaon everyone we must move on.Bless ya all.

@BflyMom_212

3 ай бұрын

@LAURIEANNJESSEN I'm grateful he moved far far away and I've cut contact. Just waiting for the divorce to be finalized. You make it sound so easy. It's not. Not the abuse I went through. I need time to heal, and find Myself again. It's only been a few months. For some of Us it takes time to heal the wounds of physical and emotional abuse. I'm far from ready to jump into another relationship or even think about dating. I know I'll get there eventually but it's not happening overnight!

This is the best explanation of an narcissists thank you so much

Narcisist never separated himself from his mother. The love of his mother is always a very horrible experience, as the main frustrating figure ( they are stuck in the anxiety of separation and frustrating cycle that love is frustrating so they associate to pain and death ). Narcissist anexes you and converts you into some concept inside themselves. Others are non existent, they are robotic. The only narcissist anxiety is your love. He has no self as a sign of his grandiosity. They believe they are god. Narcisists push you away. He always feels inedequate to love of be loved. He's solipsistic, he has hiper reflexivity, grandiosity assumption, hysterionic as rays of squizoid paranoia, they sense that love is for communers, and rejecting love is a prove of strength resilience and grandiosity ( the reflect of his first traumatic experience of love ). He perceives love as a vulnerability as a cycle of dependency. He defies love as authority. Internaly he states " I don't allow you to love me", because Love is perceived as felt internelly as a needness of some kind and as a traumatic event and as vulnerability. To need love is a deficiency and to be loved also means you don't need to be perfect and they believe they are perfect and the only object of sexuality as they believe more in self pleasure, rather than in sharing it. So he rejects love. Love has been denied his humanity because to be human is to be in pain. He associates dependency with death and pain, they tend to manage pain as a sign of their superiority. He attempts to love but he feels as threat to him. He is his own self sexual object. The narcissist is not an adult, love evolves emotional madurity and that's threatening as evolves confort in vulnerability. To them no one is capable of real love as they believe to be unlovable and dont allowed to be loved. His unconscious monologue is endless, he knows is gonna end badly there's no such thing as love, he knows that love is a fake condition it is manipulative or any sort of scheme. So he controls love with paranoia. They deconstruct love all the time. Love is vulgar love is goal oriented. Someone that claims to love them, needs to be tested and constantly be subjected to a battery of tests, in order to see how far he can push so that the fake love reveal his true fase. If there's someone who really love him that unicorn that would love him, should be tortured. So he micromanage the partner. As Freud wisely said a good mother is always the one that becomes unnecessary with time and never the opposite, when they are very imponent, present, moody or authoritarian they just damage their children for life and teach them the reverse of love.

Your last sentence is the most important. Thank you for your advise professor

Thank you Dr Vaknin ⭐

One of your better videos. Excellent presentation.. This is NPD.. In the simplest form.. Thk you Professor .. Continue educating and being great! 🍷

I recall growing up with my mother's husband and part of the fear and oppressiveness was having anything to say about anything, or any kind of opinion about any notion you could imagine. These were instantly destroyed, corrected and chastised by him. He would literally disagree with me before I said anything. Now I understand it was like he was emotionally drowning and anything he perceived around him was seen as a threat- hence his hyper paranoia.

Great video that assists with letting go ❤

Love = Sex. When internet porn got real that was the end of being loved. I was kept around for utility purposes. Whenever the narc was hurt he would devise a punishment for me. What Dr. is describing about rejecting love is totally accurate.

You are often very funny. Thank you for teaching us the truth about narcissism.

It is heartbreaking I was in an abusive relationship until last year I fell in with her and its so hard I believe I still love her but the advice here is spot on

Genius . Absolute Genius.

Spot on 100%

this is so sad people can feel like this about themselves to be angry at narcs until i learned how bad they hate themselves

I wonder how much of narcissism is contingent on heterosexuality: i had a brief emotional relationship with a seemingly bisexual man who did the whole lovebomb-devalue-discard process on me, but when it came to his homosexual relationship, he seemed pretty present and reliable. Oh well. I'll never really know. 😢

@mariasimone4141

4 ай бұрын

I think most are secretly gay

Narcissist where a victim of some form of abuse they did love at one time.when they craved the love they needed at such a young age . Their carers weren’t there . They where let down . Hurt . Betrayal by the person they needed the most. They needed love hugs and emotional support

"God cannot have a will". That is actually so profound.

I love you Sam Vaknin. Nice haircut.

I see your point about psychology and literature, you have a very persuasive turn of phrase

Thanks Dr. Vaknin! You are spot on!

Thank you for words of wisdom.

L♥️VE MUST BE SINCERE.

Sam once again I needed to hear this

Thank you, perfect explanation

This is such a good video!

Thank you for sharing your erudition with us.

You've said it all ..

Absolutely spot on sam ❤

These video are insightful and helpful. When applying it to romantic relationships, it is clear to me because those are by nature too intertwined to deal with this fatalistic reality. With other kinds of relationships that can have boundaries in place like colleagues, family, and certain friendships, I'm still working it out. Right now I have a way of maintaining constructive positivity through the filters of social media, and I will help out in situations that are by nature distanced, and in this way express a certain love and concern for the narcissistically inclined in my life, including ones that have been hurtful up to a point. There is one rather severe case and I have maintained positivity in the connection, but also distance, especially when I can feel the dynamic shifting. I can feel the desolation of their worlds and the fatalistic context, and still care, but am aware they would cross any line needed to insure their desired outcomes and it's not safe to get close, especially not expressing any true vulnerability. The people I refer to are definitively brutal in response to vulnerability. I do love some of these people, but not in a personally invested way. - without expectation of reciprocation or support. "Love" in this context means I prefer happiness and peace for them, which can require facing consequences of their choices, including loss, but if I can add constructive positivity and limit suffering I will.

My dilemma was staying with the person I “failed “, along with my world, esp my family. I knew he would never love me. I knew if I left I would be walking away from all love from my family. My Machiavellian saw to it that I was alienated and he was just like what the Dr. is describing. He “loves” one person. Our Son. And that’s why I had to be destroyed, I was “competition”.

@SphereMusicCafe

4 ай бұрын

Stay strong 🙏🏽 love yourself- get outside and away from them.

Another great session. Thanks. G

There has got to be a Resolution, a Healing, for the collective of ALL of Humanity……..whether some people think they are human or not.

ty

You share psychology with beautiful passion! Impressive!

❤️ you are the best!

@karlynfinnegan2333

4 ай бұрын

Time and time again.

That was really helpfull. Gives a complete understanding for deeply insightful meanings. Thank you so much ❤️

Hi Sam. I completed the book!

My mother never verbally said she loved me, nor did my father! ❤why? Was that so hard to say?

@MikedeVeltaMusic

4 ай бұрын

My Father never has, they can only ‘act’ how parents are to act but deep within they hold many dark sins. I have elevated my vibration in Christ and see my parents as children in old bodies. I expect nothing from them on a deep level. Just play along, behind the eyes, empty.

@anandanabila8439

4 ай бұрын

Most of us we lived same thing

Dang son!

Thank You Very Much You made me cry I do appreciate you As a human being and a God… your heart Thank You ❤🙏

It’s still very sad to discover, many years of friendship that has turned to what I believed was “a love of the lifetime “ and after 15 years of marriage, a painful discovery of this severe damaged person. There is so much I’d love to tell him, but it’s a waste, everything can and is used against me, leaving me lonely to the core of my heart. I’m leaving as quiet as possible in sadness and silence, feeling abandoned although I’m the one who initiated the separation

You hit it all on the head.

Narcissist + Narcissist always end up in top of socity Winners

Thank you sam for the education it has helped me so much understanding the man i was in a reletiinship with who did have a traumatic upbringing and lifestyle and masked himself to be a recovered on the path of healing journey when i met him only to have ugly core and destroy the reletionship anyway as the education from you i am not heartbroken and understand it..what i dont get is what is the drive to live within them if its not for contentment in love ultimately??so they continue to keep existing to always feel empty ???

If you think of your love as clean, fresh water you are pouring your love, your clean fresh water into a sewer or a desert Stop doing that. They can’t love you. They love doormats who put up with them. Good luck out there. ❤

@margodphd

5 күн бұрын

They don't love them, they tolerate them as convenient sources of easily accessible low-value supply.

Very insightful, but it makes me feel very sorry for my ex narc to the point of wanting to get back to them after everything they did ; and give them a chance to be saved ... its problematic i know but what's the cure for that professor? How can i not feel sorry for them?

@angelic9630

4 ай бұрын

Because you feel to save him , You probably need to work on the savior in you ! It is not safe mentally and physically for anyone to stay for long with NPD or BPD situations. 🌻

@minoozolala

4 ай бұрын

They can't be saved. They can't change and just get worse. No hope. No contact is the only solution. Feel sorry from a huge distance and live your life. A good life.

Как всегда прекрасно Сэм! Так приятно Вас слушать! Всегда успокаивает 🤍

You are so spot on Sam thank you so much for all your so very accurate insights. I just so wish being a narc and bpd with the dark triad adhd codependence dyspraxia and autism traits from my mother as she used to tell me it would have been better if I hadnt been born. I struggle everyday day to get out of bed and even breathe or move with the huge heaviness of anxiety inducing emptiness of the void inside and the suffering lonliness .. its beyond devastating. But i live for my Dad as and i dont know how he surbived 56 years of marriage with constant berating episodes from her. I am beyond sad for him despite him still being a lovely jolly man even at 85 years old. He has been alone 5 years but adheres to her same old cleaning rules distilled in him from her pver all the passed years. When he leaves this world then i will go too as it will be too painful to live as we are both codepents... i too have every attachment style and personality disorders. My first ever thought was ..the world is beautiful but why do people hate it. Early on too i knew to never get married. Thank you Sam and others who also leave some truthful comments in the box provided. ❤

Unless I had known someone very well who fits all of these descriptions, I wouldn't believe any of what Sam is saying here. There are people whose childhoods have been so horrific, that in adulthood, there seemingly is no hope, sadly.

It is simple, they do not love us because they were rejected for his first love always married or impossible, is not only narcissism in childhood it was because of a woman that chose anotherman, then they have an obsesion to conquer her real love, but as it is imposible because she or he did not love him, then we must pay for the consequences of that fail love, he or she become obsses with that person.

Fűkking Brilliant ★

EXCELLENT VIDEO, VERY ANALYTICAL. THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS KNOWLEDGE.