The best advice I ever got from my father and I still remember it to this day was - If you want to understand a man, look at his actions not his words. This saved me from many potentially bad relationships.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

How true minimax! Actions do speak louder than words!

Young women could learn a lot from the experience of older women. Good advice.

When I get older, losing my hair, many years from now. Will you still be sending me a Valentine? Birthday Greetings? Bottle of wine? If I've been out till quarter to three, would you lock the door? Will you still need me? Will you still feed me? When I'm Sixty Four..... "Sir Paul McCartney" Written 1956. Age 14. Released in 1967. Interesting song from a 14 year old. Much can be learned from poetry like this.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this John! Didn't realize he wrote it at age 14.

@John-rw2zf

Ай бұрын

​@@eldergalYou are welcome.

It takes so much to confess and reveal so many of your mistakes and personal life to reach out to people going through similar things. Hats off to you ma'am.

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much for the kind words jubilee! Appreciate your support!!😊💜💫

Boy, do I hear you. In my case my relationships were bounded by the restraints of society and the dysfunction of my family and childhood, combined with a completely unconscious idealization of my grandfather, who was the first male I bonded with, and who was an introverted, mostly silent man who didn't display affection at all and neither did my family, for that matter. To add to that, I had a strong independent streak. For a long time I felt like a failure in rromantic elationships but, now as an old gal, I take a more philosophical view of it. Underneath it all, I was very independent and goal oriented. There were things I wanted to do. I sometimes think I may have even had an unacknowledged desire not to be married and/or attached, because let me tell you the last 30 years being unattached have been my best. I'll never know for sure. I love the channel.

Oh, as a 64 yo woman, I certainly have made my share of mistakes in the love department. I married my first husband because I thought his family was awesome, he was a nice Catholic boy and worked in the same field as my Dad….. I choose a husband for all the wrongs reasons. 21 years old and very naive. We divorced and I had a string of crazy relationships. Honestly, having fun after the divorce was more important to me than any real substance. I eventually met my 2nd husband and we’ve been married for 17 years. We love each other but we both find marriage to be difficult. If he passes before me, I would never want to get married again. I’m blessed to have been given a 2nd chance with a good man but marriage is NOT for me.

I never found that right love for me. I'm 71 now and stopped looking about 18 years ago after making some poor decisions. An adult child of two alcoholics, my dad was angry and violent, and you know what that does to the children of such a union. People pleaser, mediator, savior. None of that worked for my love life. I finally sought help at aged 50. I learned to understand my choices and to care for myself. I'm happy by myself for many years now. I don't feel like I need another in my life. I have children, grandchildren, and a great grandson who fills my life. I'm sorry that it took me so long to invest in me instead of others, ❤but I'm so thankful that I got here to enjoy the rest of my life. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm always reminded of a Maya Angelou quote that says, when we know better, we do better.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks for your comment kimdolly! I have always loved that Maya Angelou quote. I know what you mean about enjoying being alone.

You can have met a soul mate and still be unable to make it work - then getting a second chance meeting another soul mate - and although doing it differently taught by experience, again be unable to make it. Although I've settled now and don't want more relationships, I'm in no way over the past ones - quite the opposite...but I hope I'll be able to be that at least someday. Thank you for making this video. I hope younger persons watch, too, and learn from the good advice.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks perlefisker!

@elder gal .....the youtube algorithm recommended you to me a couple days ago, and for this, i am extremely grateful! Since that time, I have been binging your content, and nothing else. Every video, I have felt so much and wanted to comment, but then i couldn't wait to push play and watch the next video. But this one....well, it's late and way past my bedtime.....but i had to leave a comment. I'm 60 years old, and while our lives and life circumstances aren't identical....the parallels are mind blowing! I appreciate you/your content so very much. Thank you! Your video on estrangement from your son, I noticed comments were turned off....then in another video, you talked about it. I think that might have been the video i most wanted to comment on.....I'm not estranged from either of my kids, but I haven't been a perfect mother, and neither of them have reached 30, quite yet. If they do cut me off, I will understand why. I will accept that i'm paying for my motherhood mistakes....I expect it, but I dread it. I'm afraid it will destroy me. Anyway, I've been dreaming of my own KZread channel. Finding yours both inspires me that I could do it.....and makes me feel that anything i have to say is already being said. Again, thank you. Take care. No doubt i'll comment again in the future....til then, you have a faithful new subscriber who thinks your content is incredible!

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

So kind of you Melissa! Your comment made my day! I encourage to start a YT channel too - if you stick with it, you will be successful! Thanks for watching!

Relationships really are a lot, especially as you become older. If you have your life together and enjoy being by yourself, the person has to be really worth it. A lot of people are looking to be taken care - emotionally, physically, etc. The right relationship can be amazing, but in my experience it can also be few and far between.

@eldergal

8 ай бұрын

Well said transitionsnc!! Thanks for your comment!!😊💜💫

@MichaelaH2059

Ай бұрын

Amen

We all have crap childhoods. 100 -200 years ago we wouldn't dispose of and replace people as we do now.

I was a child in the 60's and had a much different experience than most people my age. My Dad, Mom, sister and I worked together as a family. There were no boy jobs or girl jobs. There were just chores to get done. My Mom worked through a temp agency so she could have off when us kids were out of school or Dad was on vacation. It was a very rude awakening to go out into the real world and be treated as less than. Maybe that's why I never married. No regrets on that.

This is a great video. Thank you! Yes, it makes sense that women would need men in their lives. In the U.S., a woman could not have a bank account on her own until 1974. Crazy. That's not that long ago. All the best to you.

As a young person who's navigating through what a healthy relationship should look like, I have alot of questions regarding attraction, making sure that needs in a relationship are being met and finding a healthy balance to knowing what would last and what doesn't. I'm finding out that there's alot of work to get better and alot of growth to do. Knowing who I am and what my values are, being fully independent and proving to myself that I can accomplish what I set out to do. Finding supportive friends, and having a more fullier life without putting my eggs in one basket. Thank you for your advice, as a person in her mid twenties I really enjoy your videos ❤

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thanks so much for your comment gamechill!! You sound very aware about this issue which is great! Wish I had put more thought into it in my 20s!😊💜💫

We go into relationships with expectations and when they don't pan out how we handle it is critical to success. I've been married to the same man for 56 years...he was my first love...and will always be the love of my life...but it wasn't easy...we were like oil and water...we toughed it out, not b/c our love was so strong, but b/c we were committed to our marriage to each other...and that commitment kept us from bailing and over time we both grew and became better spouses to each other...the only reason we stayed tog is secondly love, but first commitment to the marriage. Looking back I'm so glad b/c it is a wonderful thing to have spent your life with someone you love and someone who loves you, warts and all on both sides.... I think that is what it takes b/c there are no perfect people, we are all flawed...this being said, there was no physical abuse, mental abuse or emotional abuse...when it comes to 'self' I learned there must be death to 'self'...each must be willing to die to self and love and serve the other person, which is where the real blessing hides. BUT it has to be a two way street...if it's not, you end up being a martyr and a fool. And that's no good either b/c you end up alone..if that's what you want fine. I didn't want that..

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this Dinah! Sounds like you found love and kept it alive - that's wonderful!

that first love...my choice also made no sense...but it was an entanglement that was hard to severe completely..

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

I hear you Janet! Thanks for watching!

I love your flat-out honesty. Thank you.

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks so much for watching indigosue!

Old guy here... I went out with, fell in "love" with my abusive mother, way too many times... I've a relationship now with a woman who is my best friend more than my lover. I catch myself allowing behavior that would turn her into my mother... For once in my life, I'm taking charge, of myself... finally learned to say no. My gal, unlike my mother, accepts no as an answer, and things go on... The problem with being young is not being able to determine between love and lust... hormones rage, need to be taken care of. Lust blinds us. Lust is easy, fast, furious. Love is slow, takes time, a lot of effort, teamwork...

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this Thomas! Sounds like you have a lot of awareness about relationships! Appreciate your input!

@Thomas-pq4ys

9 ай бұрын

Wanna see my scars? Thanks for your kind acknowledgement.

I want to listen to your video about that relationship you had - i will try to find it. I am 65, never married, but I have had 5 defacto relationships, one was for 8 years and one for 13 years. 2 were abusive. No children. I think having a few good friends is important because if the marriage breaks down, you still have the friends hopefully, although its common to loose mutual friends or couples that you and your partner had together.

So insightful..thank you! I am from India and typically the gender roles are SO entrenched in society that really honest relationship building is quite a tough proposition. Almost like gambling.. Appreciate all your insights into your own journey and what you have learnt along the way. Given the patriarchal ways of the world, men and women often fail to truly even understand their own needs at the deepest level and mistake financial stability as the first criteria and all else follow. Specially in emerging economies like India, China, etc...

@eldergal

Ай бұрын

Thanks for your insightful comment earthrooster!

😮How the heck are our lives so similar, and no doubt many others based on the comments I’ve read?! You are like so many of our splitting images, or perhaps I should speak of myself; you continue to blow my mind. Initially when I found your video and my 1st encounter I subscribed, then I unsubscribed because I found them depressing. But in reality it was like I was avoiding the depressing truth about myself. Girlfriend, you should have a talk show for seniors! You’re amazing🥰

@eldergal

10 күн бұрын

I'm glad you're back inquisitive! Thanks so much for your comment and support!

As a child in the 60's, I was still in a culture of fairly rigid gender roles. My mom was raised as a good Irish Catholic from a tiny farming community in the midwest. She was 18 when she married my dad, who was from a "respectable" family. But my dad was pretty underachieving, and an alcoholic. So that set the backdrop for a dysfunctional family... I became kind of a tomboy as a kid. But I also somehow latched on to distorted ideas of "romance". As a teen I became very introverted and full of self doubt. And lived largely in my own fantasy world. My parents marriage was an abysmal example of a relationship. So, of course, I had unrealistic expectations, and found myself in codependent and abusive relationships. I thought I needed "my ideal man" to complete me. Boy, does that not work!!! Now at 63, and a year and a half post stroke, mostly recovered, clean and sober, I wish I just had a companion....

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Thanks for sharing this Cathy! I know what you mean. Hope you are mostly recovered from your stroke. Take care.

@wildhorses6817

3 күн бұрын

Yes, I am older and went through a gray divorce. I would enjoy a companion and never living with someone again. I am not searching as I am still really recovering from that marriage and divorce and Healing.

Thank u for telling you’re story, I am feeling like I am going to trough the same relationship cycle being on and off. This really helps

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thanks so much, mango for your comment! Glad it helped!😊💜💫

I wouldn't want a romantic relationship after the age of 60.

@hayalistanbul5418

5 күн бұрын

Really? Why not?

@ingenuity296

5 күн бұрын

@@hayalistanbul5418 Speaking as a married person. So if I'm without a spouse, I'd rather carry on as a single. I don't mind having a romantic relationship but not living together and not legally married to protect my financial freedom in case anything goes wrong with the relationship.

I enjoyed this talk, I can relate to similar experiences..thank you very much 🧚🏼‍♂️

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thank you so much melany!😊💜💫

I’m 27 but I feel the same about romantic relationships as you do Allison. I am not interested in them! I think working on myself is so much more important and also spending time with myself.

Thank you. Very interesting.

@eldergal

5 күн бұрын

Thanks so much for watching soclof!

I think I love myself but friendship is too hard, haven’t had a friends group since high school and they left me. But I score on the bottom 9% of the introvert/extrovert scale and don’t feel like I “need” my boyfriend, but that he is a genuine match

@eldergal

14 күн бұрын

Thanks for sharing this!

You sound like a person who had anxious attachment and you keep attracting avoidants. Adam Lane Smith knows alot about this.

@eldergal

9 ай бұрын

Thanks for your comment fitzerg! I agree on the anxious attachment to some degree and I do think my first love was avoidance. Thanks for your input!!😊💜💫

Not once did you mention "friendship", most good relationships start with friendship so when the romance decreases the friendship will increase and become stronger.

@eldergal

2 ай бұрын

Actually in my last long relationship, we were very good friends but issues with the breakup eroded that. I am a big believer in being good friends.

Attachment theory

@hatchet8209

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like my ex not having a father in her life and treated me like her father and felt like I was married to a teenager

@hatchet8209

2 ай бұрын

Sounds like you inner child is hurting

@hatchet8209

2 ай бұрын

Conquer your fears and live another day

I lost my true love because of my drinking and damn old cowboy pride Lol

Hey hru