It's not worth it guys trust me, you can do much better. It's a different feeling being in a secure relationship

2 жыл бұрын

I don`t believe there are "secure relationships" with hot girls.

Chris is describing the avoidant as being fiercely protective of their "Independence," but I think it is unadulterated fear, perhaps masking as "Independence." Fear is the killer of Love.

@hayquesonar2896

Жыл бұрын

Yes this 100%

No and you don't want them to. I love her and always will but I learned how to love myself, I'll be alright

@therealone8628

2 жыл бұрын

I swear

TOTAL BS…! Being “Active” with an avoidant ex gets you nowhere but further discarded, and pushed away. People please listen to me, there is no such thing as an “ex back chances quiz”, all this does is play to your anxiety, fear, and hope.. And if you try to pursue an avoidant ex, you’ll only be further rejected. If they dumped you, no contact is INDEFINITE!!! There’s no such thing as a 30/ 45 day NO CONTACT RULE. It’s FOREVER.

@dnpaker84

2 жыл бұрын

No this is not true… My ex is a Avoidant.. And she came back to me as a FWB lol

@therealone8628

2 жыл бұрын

True

@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy

2 жыл бұрын

@@dnpaker84 which part is not true? And sorry for the ignorance, but what’s an FWB? Lol

@dnpaker84

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy Some avoidant ex do come back with you being active.. We still talked twice a week.. We hanged out and chili in my house. FWB Friends with benefits.. I just talked to her like the break up never happened.. I kept it cordial until it became casual. And we both worked at the same job. So this was a every day thing lol

@dnpaker84

2 жыл бұрын

@@TheRealSlimshadyyyyyy But everyone situation is different

This was really good. I can totally attest that “getting someone back” is not equivalent to having a successful relationship. When we connected for the second time things were even worse. It was almost better if we had just let things be after the first time. It only made me even 10 times more anxious as he was even more distant than before smh I’m pretty sure it’s a wrap for us altogether now as me approaching him too aggressively trying to “fix things” pushed him deeper into his shell.

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

Can totally relate its an traumatic experience with DA'S.

@bink865

2 жыл бұрын

Yes and it's quite tedious trying to 'fix' them

What is the idea of getting back with a person who is so adamant and emotionally unavailable. Don’t fall for these type of ideas.

THEY DO, they always do! They could take longer, with my narcissistic ex, it took 9 months to come back. Thank God, when he came back, I didn't love him anymore. Pity he can't move on

Great video, Chris! I especially liked the connection to the Allegory of the Cave. Very useful and relevant.

They're not emotionally unavailable. They just don't want you. Don't be stupid.

They come back but without having worked on themselves. The relationship will fail again unless they go to therapy and work on themselves.

My extremely avoidant reached out to me just last week after two months.

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

Lucky

So true you have helped me out a lot it's been on and off and now I'm done I made all the efforts and it got me no where yes they come back mine did several times but what has happened during his space he needed I grew and now I Don't want him I have become more secure by following you to me they want to be alone so give it to them we deserve better.

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

Mine would always say "I like to be alone!" Or that's why I'm single

@DeemMeBeautiful

2 жыл бұрын

@@adoptioncorner1984 Yup this is exactly what I used to hear all the time but that he wants a wife and family. He was just all over the place.

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

@@DeemMeBeautiful it's soul destroying. Left me devastated, confused, unlovable and undesirable. After once wanting me all the time in the beginning. 💔

@mitchu1433

Жыл бұрын

@@DeemMeBeautiful they only want affection on their terms and won't compromise. They'll also shut you out and can't communicate

Im 9 months of no contact, no begging no nothing just walk away, without any sign of contact from her. Just feeling no contact didn’t work as I expected. Last week was horrible because it seems she’s seeing someone new, I felt like all the confidence that I have in the beginning was shit and with no hope anymore. Im trying to hold on because I understand that no message that I can send to her will cause any change because she left me and hasn’t contact me is because she doesn’t want me. Im feeling horrible betrayed angry and and many things..

@unica4u971

2 жыл бұрын

You need to try to move on because I think you done the no contact with the hope that she will come back to you. As hard as it is, she is with somebody new but trust me, she will fail this new person too. What you went through, this new person will feel too. I wasted three years of my life. I left him a month ago and he made me come back being a total angel… surely after that he dumped me. I don’t hate him but I’m totally resentful, to me it seems he wanted to be the one doing the dumping. I hope he goes on with his life and let me be but I wish, even more, that he lives to regret losing me.

Like you say getting back and sustaining a good relationship are 2 different problems... i feel like it can only be a good relationship if they come to you, if youre 'fixing' them back due to being active they would still come back because of your actions.... they have to want it by themselves

My ex literally told me she was going to compare me to any other guy in her life, no one could compare to me she said. This is after she begged me back for a second chance then changed her mind

@mutechannel13

Жыл бұрын

My ex told me that too.. That's something they say when they are feeling guilty.... I stayed away from my ex and left her go. They say what ever comes to their emotions at that time. They still date and mess with other guys.

From “ working for us” to colleague, great improvement there haha

Why would anyone want these low-end narcs back?

I think they do at some point think about. Some will come back. Unfortunately, if they actually haven’t done the work to change or the avoidant hasn’t acknowledged their behavior over the weeks months or years.. they are just going to repeat the cycle. I like in your videos now how you really are incorporating the alternative that there is a chance they may not come back or the fact that it may just be better to move on for good. Very good video!

@kubel83

2 жыл бұрын

They are like a hamster in a spinning wheel. They run around without getting nowhere.

@DeemMeBeautiful

2 жыл бұрын

Yup we got back after a few months of him ignoring me and I kept saying things need to change because I don’t want to repeat the cycle from before and although he said he agreed that’s EXACTLY what happened was a repeat with even more distance from him than before!

@kubel83

2 жыл бұрын

@@DeemMeBeautiful don’t waste your time, energy and mental health on him. You can’t save/fix him. Avoidant people will repeat the same pattern over and over. If not with you then someone new. It is very rare that they actually work on themselves because they are insanely stubborn. They behave very similar to narcissists though they aren’t. They just don’t know better. My Ex was exactly the same. After the breakup I wasted 6 months of my life to understand her condition and how to perform around her. All seemed to get her closer cause she was very happy that I was the first one to understand her. She even wanted to try again. My only request was that she had to work on herself also, which she acknowledged and understood. Well she jumped back to her ice cold self again. So yeah I gave up. In all that time where I tried to learn about her and wait for her I actually gave up on two very potential relationships that I could have tried instead. But I was naive to think my ex would change. They hardly ever do. So don’t waste your precious time. I know it may be sad cause I’m sure you actually loves him. But ask yourself is it worth it. You constantly walking on eggshells 24/7. Always you that must give and show understanding without getting any in return. Always you who must cater to make the relationship work. And always you living in fear that the slightest mistake you make will make them bolt towards the exit. They will never support you when you are feeling down. In fact they will stab you in the back when you least expect it. That’s not a relationship of love and mutual understanding. That’s literally torture and a crap ass job where you never get payed or rewarded for anything you do. You deserve much better than that. Remember you are a beautiful shining star. And believe that true love is out there somewhere.

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

@@DeemMeBeautiful 😔😢

@adoptioncorner1984

2 жыл бұрын

@@kubel83 well said and I felt every word you said. It is so soul crushing and devastating dealing with an avoidant. And no matter what you do it's never good enough. In fact the more you do to show love, care, and support the further you get pushed away. 💔

I broke up with mine than we hung out as friends and then got back together… than he broke up with me I learned a lot… healed a bunch with some online coursework and feel sad for him Told him I’d walk thru stuff as a friend in future if he ever wanted to get some healing… I doubt I’ll ever hear from him again

So basically the answer is no if we the dumpee don't reach out during their nostalgia time 😔😢

My avoidant X boyfriend reached out by phone & a text message after 8 years WTF !

What is meant by become "active"?

Just searched for this😁