She is like the Bob Ross of gender,

@richiepropster4313

3 жыл бұрын

Happy little genders... Happy little genders...

@karasprouse595

3 жыл бұрын

No they are like the frik and frak of idiocy. this is a fake moron with no clue what they are talking about.

@karasprouse595

3 жыл бұрын

@@considerallthat3310 What do you know about pussy riot. No one has heard anything about them since Putin threw them in prison.

@karasprouse595

3 жыл бұрын

@@considerallthat3310 cool cool I have been mostly listening to Louna and Slot

@karasprouse595

3 жыл бұрын

@@considerallthat3310 Nothing is totally over your head. It maybe advanced science. But it is able to be understood. With a bit of study and comprehension of some scientific terms. Then it all falls right in place. showing a two gender setup. it is male or female no spectrum. But tell an SJW that or even one of these trenders. All hell breaks loose.

I feel discontent. I feel distant to the word female. I feel like I'm trapped in a shell and all that comes in is fear and standards. I'm confused and I'm scared.

@serpentines6356

4 жыл бұрын

There are two biological sexes, that's it. Throughout history there have been people filling out the whole spectrum. Super feminine to super butch in the female sex, and super masculine to effeminate in the male sex. Seems kids these days are so confused where they needn't be. Not sure many councilors are out there to help one be comfortable in ones body without assuming one is 'transgender.'

@zaynsam5669

3 жыл бұрын

@@serpentines6356 what is wrong with being trans again?

@RosyOutlook2

3 жыл бұрын

you're mind controlled

@zaynsam5669

3 жыл бұрын

RosyOutlook2 ok whatever you want to believe

@existentialcrisiscat5188

3 жыл бұрын

@@serpentines6356 have you heard of intersex?

Terrified and confusion don't begin to describe my feelings!

@RayNightshade12

7 жыл бұрын

Josef Smith I know how you feel. I'm going through it right now and it's driving me crazy!

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

really mine is pain mostly pain and hate.

@undefeatedchampion7763

4 жыл бұрын

...

@jojoflowerz6578

4 жыл бұрын

Yea same feel like im going crazy

@someonesomeone25

3 жыл бұрын

I hate how I feel about my identity. I've given up having any sense of my gender and sexuality and have stopped even feeling human. I'm sick of it all. All I know is that I'm not what I want to be and that makes me miserable.

In my culture, Native American culture, we called those who didn't fit the gender roles Two Spirit. That's the only way I know how to describe what I am feeling; what I'm going through.

@waterdamaged7409

6 жыл бұрын

Grey St. Clair Hi! I’m also Native American! I just wanted to add on that two spirited is still (usually, but not always) sorted into male and female (two spirited male, and two spirited female). Also you have to have a chief decide/confirm that you’re two spirited the same way they decide/confirm your Indian name (I haven’t got mine yet :,) too young, my mom has hers though)

@waterdamaged7409

6 жыл бұрын

I have just learned (2 seconds later lol) that it is used in a modern way (umbrella term) as a third gender. Whoops. So it does not use female and male anymore, my bad 🤗

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

please shut that shit up there is no basis in science in any of this nonsense. only medical professionals should talk and this person here is not medical they are social studies

@tadhgfarrell5911

4 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 Kara, while there do seem to be physiological differences, so far there isn't a scan or other physiological test that is sufficiently sensitive, specific and reliable to administer in everyday clinical practice. Because of this we only really have behaviour and self report to work with. Even if you talk to a medical doctor about gender dysphoria, they're going to be talking about their patients' self report or observations of their behaviour, if you look at the diagnostic criteria that's what you'll see. And the shape that this behaviour takes does vary by culture because the things we associate with gender vary by culture. Once you're talking about things that are shaped by culture and only really observable by self report and behaviour, keeping the psychologists, sociologists, LPCs etc out of the conversation. And even if it was something that a simple blood test can rule in or out, those people would still potentially have something useful to say about the emotional impact of it and how people live with it, to say nothing of what we can learn from listening to people who have been there. As for the two-spirit thing, that is a cultural phenomenon which a medical doctor could tell you very little about unless they were a member of one of the relevant cultures. It's not just the same as being transgender. It's being transgender and also having a specific social and religious role that only makes sense within the relevant cultures. They might need a doctor if they want to do a medical transition, but to explore whether they have a vocation, that's a conversation to have with a community leader.

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

@A M. the first test was post mortum. They took transsexual subjects that were known to say all their lives since childhood they were girls. so they had to collect two groups ones that did go through changes and those who did not and went to their deathbed without ever taking a single dose of female hormones. The sure fire way to know for sure is to cut their brains our and go dissect the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis. They are one of two sizes and densities. one of the many dimorphic regions in the brain. There has also been some scans that show grey matter density of the transsexual to be female as well. All of this leads to it has to be a genetic recessive throwback gene. Which it is. It is a repeat length polymorphic AR receptor. Actually when you start to look really close and learn the processes that drive any biological process after time the complexity gets exposed we compile up information on the processes we are observing in hopes what was added was further studied and more mysteries were unlocked. You really should study science instead of wasting your time watching this fool. there are a lot of universities with lectures on them. any subject you are interested in and if you are thinking of a college life then seeing what the university you are applying for is all about gives you a heads up on what too expect. Living without critical thought following anyone you think for some reason is more intelligent is not a wise idea. It is better you go out and study and learn as much as you can and keep current on the subjects you study.

My biggest issue is: I have absolutely NEVER felt uncomfortable with my pronouns/my body/myself all throughout my life, and then I started questioning my gender, but the question didn't come from a discomfort, it came because I never fit into the stereotipe of masculinity, so I thought I might be a woman. After I started questioning, my anxiety grew so much on me, that everytime I'd think to myself "I think I'm cis, yeah this feels okay" my brain would go "REALLY? DOES IT REALLY? OR ARE YOU LYING TO YOURSELF?" until I started believing I was indeed lying to myself. I have now come to a point where I can't think about anything else, I can't sleep, I can't eat, talk, nothing except thinking about this, but I also am not able to have a concrete thought because my anxiety completely messed up my capacity to tell whether I am actually feeling something or not.

@ejd5261

2 жыл бұрын

Hello! Wow I see myself in your comment! I have this EXACT problem (obsession about my gender, and other fears unrelated) and I finally realized this month due to therapy that I have OCD. I am getting treatment. You may have OCD or some other anxiety disorder. OCD for many people is an intense obsession about a certain topic that is important to you or threatens or challenges a major facet of your identity- its basically intrusive thoughts gone wild. The obsessions can be about anything: fears you may harm someone or yourself even though you don't want to, fears you are a predator, fears that you're actually not who you thought you were (gender wise or in any other way), fears you will get sick, etc. these are extremely common OCD obsessions. OCD is when you automatically believe that the stories you tell yourself about yourself are true, and that you cannot survive unless you reach absolute, 100% certainty. The compulsion for some is physical (i.e. checking a stove), but for many its all mental (researching, ruminating, rationalizing, etc. whether your incessant questions about your identity are true or not). I have this problem. I finally noticed the underlying obsession/compulsion cyclical nature of my anxiety (even though the subject matter has changed over time in accordance to what is on my mind, and what is going on in society) and I am now getting specialized OCD treatment called ERP (exposure and response prevention). I just started it this past week and am yet to see any affects, but it is the only effective treatment for OCD. The point is not to prove or disprove the anxiety, but to expose yourself to your thoughts and learn that you can withstand them, WHATEVER they are, because thoughts are just thoughts. Anyways, I recognized myself in your comment, and I URGE you to get help and STAY AWAY from anyone who claims they can help you discover your "true self"- which doesn't exist, since all people are infinitely unique and ever changing. Your comment actually reminded me that I am watching this video as a compulsion (in order to seek certainty by checking my reaction to this video), so I am leaving this page now. Best of luck to you! I hope you are okay!

@christianebrown9213

11 ай бұрын

If you were feeling more discomfort about the roles and stereotypes expected of men, then in my "unprofessional" view, it means just that: you don't like society's construct. Growing up, I never liked society's stupid "rules" about how females could dress, act, feel, think, do...and sometimes I didn't like the physical things that accompanied being female (breasts, menstruation, being shorter, the unwanted sexualization...) ... but it didn't distress me to the point of thinking I needed to be a man or that I WAS male. I grew up and I'm perfectly fine, and have been, being what I physically, biologically, am. It sounds like you are dealing with something else (that I can relate to, because I have also had a lifelong problem with ADHD, Depression and Anxiety...NONE of which had to do with my body) If you've been okay with your body, but it's society's rules that bother you...then question the rules, not your biology. Women can have stereotypical "masculine" traits and men can have stereotypical "feminine" traits and that's absolutely fine. If you can't quit thinking about this topic, that seems more like obsessive thought tendencies.

Just wanted to say for everyone watching this video and Ms. Hoffman that I spoke to a therapist finally and it's been the best decision of my life! I finally got to open up, and now I identify as a cross dresser. Trust me it feels amazing to go to sleep and know who you are as a person, best wishes to everyone!

@darahoffmanfox

10 жыл бұрын

That is fantastic, good for you!

@ForgetAThousandThingsEveryday

6 жыл бұрын

I wish I were you!

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

Well that just makes you a man that gets off on wearing female clothes. Please do not call yourself a trans women you are a MAN just as blaire white is as well.

@samtuppen2148

4 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 STFU gatekeeping shit, you're as bad as Blaire White.

@ilikeyourname4807

3 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 Did you notice they didn't even mention whether or not they identify as trans? I read it as "I spoke to a therapist and now I figured out that I'm not transgender but a crossdresser. And that's okay." That still makes them LGBTQIA+. No reason to attack people because they've figured out they aren't trans

I just turned 50 this year, and just started this journey. I've discovered I'm 'nonbinary/genderfluid'. It's taken me 50 yrs, 7 yrs in the US Army, and 1 pandemic to discover this. of course, alot of these concepts weren't around when I was in my teens... this has been a big help..

I'm here because I find this topic interesting and I also believe that there are millions of little glitches that can happen while we are developing in the womb. Must be such a confusing situation. I'm in my forties now but still can remember how strange puberty was and to have a complex issue on top of it as a child is just way too much to handle. Hugs and kisses to all of you in this journey. I would like to say ... If you aren't sure... why not stop focusing on it... try to live your life... Let it flow naturally ... without that pressure?? ( maybe give yourself a time period.. a year? Really try to be a blank canvas, open mind, open heart) see where your soul... Your spirit.. Guides you... I fee like gender isn't something YOU choose... It just is.. if you don't look at it as YOUR choice...But instead Allow your body tell you ....JUST . Listen.... I hope I'm not completely out of line here... My heart goes out to all of you xo

My comfort level with my assigned gender seems to have decreased considerably in recent years, and has come to a point of being almost intolerable. I have determined that I am transgender, no doubt, but this isn't exactly a comforting conclusion. I feel that I am pretty committed to the male thing due to a life time of conditioning and I am overwhelmed with fear when I consider the possibility of openly exploring myself publicly. I feel as though living as myself would cause me to be perceived as a "freak", so I am left weighing my options and to be honest, living a lie usually seems to be the best way to go, at least as far as living a somewhat "normal" life is concerned, it seems to be the safest. However, I do go back and forth constantly, and deal with a lot of confusion and doubt, and can never seem to settle on either accepting myself as either this or that, I find myself in a constant tug of war between my ego which says that I have to be normal, and accepted and respected as the man I was presumably born as, and the woman that I feel inside of me who screams to be set free. I don't feel that there is real solution in terms of living a happy peaceful life free of this struggle. What advice would you have for someone who just doesn't have the courage to live as who they really are? Is ultimate transition really the only way? Is there no alternative path to find some sort of peace within? I listened to you're advice on educating oneself, and elixirs and such, but I have found that these things, while offering some temporary comfort, only seem to make me make me more strongly yearn for a life that seems unrealistic, and potentially self destructive. I really wish that i could be one of those girls I see on youtube who are so fortunate in being capable of living as their true selves, but i just don't know how I can ever bring myself to make that sort of leap. Thanks

@princesssnake6469

8 жыл бұрын

+New Gurl It might help to just try wearing female clothing in private at first. Get yourself looking the way you feel comfortable, and ease yourself into it. I know it's scary. I lived as a man for 23 years, and on new years, I made my decision to start being me. It wasn't easy, but it's worth it to get that turmoil to subside. Work at it slowly, and I wish you the best :) And as far as people calling you a freak, it might hurt a bit, but the lie hurts worse. Believe me.

@LetsSmokePot420

8 жыл бұрын

Thank you for the advice! However this comment is 8 months old, and so much has changed. Last December I decided that I could no longer go on living in a constant state of turmoil, so I finally got the courage to call a gender therapist. This was the best decision I ever made! Since then I have started on medically supervised hrt, (I was previously self medicating) and going to support group meetings and have made lots of friends who are also trans. About 5 weeks ago, I went out for the very first time with the support and encouragement of my new friends, and since then I have snowballed, and have gone out as myself more days than not. Last Thursday I went and had my hair styled in a feminine style, and after that I came out to my kids. Things are happening so fast, and I plan to be fully out and living as my true self by summer. I appreciate you bringing up this old post, because I am able to reflect on how far I have come. I know fully accept myself for who I am! No longer do I feel ashamed, or fearful of living as myself, and I could not be happier! :)

@princesssnake6469

8 жыл бұрын

New Gurl I'm so glad to hear that you're doing better now. Sounds like you're really living your life happily :) I just had to reply to your comment because I know how it feels to be so conflicted. Enjoy being you :) Also, if you like, add me on fb. Always nice to have friends who understand.

@LetsSmokePot420

8 жыл бұрын

+Jen Curtis , Thank you! I am so much happier now! You can friend me if you like on fb, I'm Rickie Joy, it shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one :)

@LetsSmokePot420

8 жыл бұрын

My pic is a second life avatar...

Okay...I've been confused for a couple of years on what I could be. I'm a biological female but sometimes I feel like I would want to be a boy. I love makeup and female accessories and clothing but at the same time I want to bind and wear boy clothes and sometimes I don't like being referred to as a female...but I'm scared that it's just a "phase" or whatever cuz I'm barely 16...it's confusing and I don't know what to do

@linasambina3196

8 жыл бұрын

This sounds very close to being bigender, which is when you feel both male and female. The thing is, you can bind and wear make-up at the same time, and you can wear male and female clothes at the same time. If that's what you feel is right, totally go for it! Don't let people stop you! Also, what I've found is that labels only make things more complicated. Just let go of any sense of gender and just be yourself for one day. This will give you a better sense of where you are on the spectrum.

@SnowTheKitsune

5 жыл бұрын

I know this is old but you might be genderfluid c:

@somnumisdumb

4 жыл бұрын

Omg I feel exactly the same! I'm so scared that it's just a "phase" bc I'm 14 and "I don't know what I am because I'm too young". I'm so scared to lying to myself. I feel sometimes more masculine or more femenine. I think I might be bigender but idk I NEED HELP

@SB-me7ym

3 жыл бұрын

It's been 4 years, I hope you've found yourself!

@sharifsalem

3 жыл бұрын

What you are experiencing is gender stereotype non-conformity. This is quite normal as our society tends to ascribes certain roles to females and some to males. This does not mean your body is the wrong body.

thank you so much for sharing yourself so generously i feel calmer and more centered after listening to this

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

Awesome :)

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

Please do not use the internet to try to figure this out. THIS IS A QUACK. she has no clue about MEDICAL SCIENCE.

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

@@darahoffmanfox Stop quack you are not a medical professional You are just a social studies major. You have no clue what you are talking about. You have no clue the damage you are doing to TRANSSEXUALS.

This is really helpful, I have made a final decision to start transitioning. Yes I do have fear, anxiety and the high risk of being seen as having a mental illness but honestly I know myself better than anyone else does and I'm not afraid of the dangers of being trans. I do feel happy living as a female and have been dressing as so, my cisgender female cousins have accepted me 100%. I have let go of my ego, I have let go of guilt and doubt and am not going to repress the woman within me. Thank you Dr. Fox

@VanettaMosetta

Жыл бұрын

Think of your life in 20 years. I know it's really hard to do when you're this young.... but it's so important! If you know yourself better than anyone you should know you shouldn't have to change your outsides. I promise you it will get better. I promised you, you don't have to do this! I hope you have someone close to you that you can trust, Because you have no reason to trust me. Don't do it.

I am AMAB and I have recently determined that I am bigender after hiding it so long from myself. But I'm terrified of exploring the female side of me and expressing myself as a girl as well as a guy.

i was a manly guy because i thought that was the best thing to do but it really didnt work i am 1 year into transition i do most things as a woman people are supportive, its tough but also awesome, like a real adventure. its been a whole series of crazy gambles that so far have paid off. it makes me fall to sleep excited and happy not despairing and sad. my face and body are starting to repsond to hormones so for moments i see a woman in the mirror it feels great. actually real!! works going much better, parents are skeptical but very supportive, friends are chill, for the first time ever i feel like a normal human who's worth a damn. ironic huh! i feel super lucky living somewhere that is permissive. i regret there are now places i cant go alone; women have suffered this problem before i believe. im a little sad i left it so late, till i was 33, but fuck it, thats the old thinking, let it go and drive on. if you like amber by roger zelazny then transition its like being on a sick quest climbing up out of a prison cell in the bottom of hell haha!

@theforgecustoms

8 жыл бұрын

+Zx Spectrum can imagine that 0__0 i've never felt like a real person

@finkelroy7030

6 жыл бұрын

I'm 35 and have my first counseling appointment next week... I was questioning as a teen. Due to the fact I was attracted to both men and women, I decided that I certainly wasn't going to base such a decision on a theory. Internalized transphobia crippled my ability to be rational about it. Life has given me the broad experience to now be able to process my feelings correctly. I now know that I am attracted to straight men and gay women. Either way, having a penis won't really do much for my dating life! I have had to deal with a lot of serious mental and physical problems in life so, once I am absolutely certain, the transition will be all downhill. It's hard being unusually tall. While I have met women taller than me, it is a rare thing. This was one of the major issues that has always factored into my denial of being transgender.

When you got to fear I started to tear up. Whenever my mom or my sister's ask why I've started to dress in guys button up shirts (why I've changed my style, I automatically go to "I don't know." My 'style' was just tshirts and jeans, I didn't have a 'style' And then I feel like I'm 'wrong' for wearing them. But in my head I believe I look good. I'm not entirely sure what my gender is but its definitely not 100% female. And I'm kinda scared to say that I've been questioning my gender, in fear of them saying "stop being weird and dress like a girl"

@DuskAndDawn21

5 жыл бұрын

Basically the same but flipped. I've always felt more female, even since I was a little kid.. but the second I started to dress more that way the comments started from family.. I just kinda make excuses and cheap jokes at myself to explain it, not good but it works I guess.. Thing is, my parents had one son and one daughter, and my mother is incredibly happy with / proud of that turn out.. she'd be crushed if I came out and went on hrt. My father basically disowned me years ago for not being masculine, so that's whatever. All I can say is don't put it off until you feel completely stuck, if you have worries about family, try to align yourself to either be able to live solo or with friends who support you.

@user-ld7uj9pv8e

5 жыл бұрын

Being gender non conforming just means not adhering to societal sexist stereotypes. It does not mean you are Trans.

I couldn't have found your videos at a more critical time. I am just recently coming to terms with being transgender There's very little resources for the trans community where I live so I've had so many questions and feelings left unanswered and unexplained. I appreciate the time you take out of your day to make these videos when there's gender therapist charging hundreds of dollars for sessions. Thank you so much for the help

@darahoffmanfox

8 жыл бұрын

+Bethanie White :)

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

This is the wrong place this is a NON MEDICAL SOCIAL STUDIES MAJOR. not a medical doctor

@tal4976

2 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 shut up kara

darahoffmanfox.com | This week's question has to do with how to not let fear, confusion, and doubt stop you from discovering your true gender identity.

@ThebicastOrgpodcast

10 жыл бұрын

Thanks Dara!

@salvadorhernandez8018

9 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much for all your videos

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

:)

@StimorolChewingGum

9 жыл бұрын

Dara Hoffman-Fox I wish something like this was around 20 years ago. It would have spared me a lot of pain over the years. I appreciate you taking the time to do these videos to help those who are unsure about their own gender identities. Thanks :)

@supermarioplushgang7783

8 жыл бұрын

I wish I was female aren't comfortable telling my parents like my penis just gets me disgusted !! I feel more like a female..

Dear Dara- it is SO wonderful to now have an expanding "language" of gender to help people decipher their feelings, perceptions and experiences. The dated, overly-simplistic, binary approach to gender has left so many of us broken and miserable. Your work is invaluable!!!

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

No this is feminist crap there is only one trans female THE TRANSSEXUAL. there is no expanding language it is all BULLSHIT.

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

WRONG PLACE

@r_A_ven

4 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 oh much internalized misogyny amiright?

@karasprouse595

4 жыл бұрын

@@r_A_ven No you are not correct. What you are is a trender a dolt that has no scientific education. I am a female and i have been around men that are totally fat headed about men being better. I even had a job where a man told me i had breast what did i think i was worth. but getting paid half of what the men made stopped when i found out the money for the job was held by a woman. So no idiot. I do not allow fake crap to be spread about transsexualism due to the hell i have been through for the last 3 decades. So fool it is i do not go against medical science as trenders do. That is why the hatefully call us TRUSCUM and TRANSMEDICALIST.

@r_A_ven

4 жыл бұрын

@@karasprouse595 i'm a trender? how do you even know if i'm trans? i just called you out for calling something "feminist bullshit" since anti-feminism most certainly IS misogynistic! dont give me the "blabla i have faced discrimination, i cant be a bigot!"-argument, thats the real bullshit!

very true , i have Finally decided to transition!!,. my son's 15-22 yrs of age are fully supportive ,but they want to pick a new NAME FOR ME! my wife is not as supportive but has always known .Like you say Dr , one has to be true and happy to themselves i have been like this since i was at least 7 yrs of age that i can first remember

@teacakes968

5 жыл бұрын

Are you happy nowadays?

@xbduf4gb

5 жыл бұрын

This person in this video is NOT A DOCTOR.

I love this video. I have already seen two of your videos so far. I have been out for over five years, work has kept me busy, but, I feel it is time to talk to someone. My night/work schedule makes it difficult for me to hold day appointments, but, in order to move ahead with things, I may have to make time in my schedule. I like seeing these videos because it takes some of the mystery out of what therapy may be like. Thank you for being out here, I think you may be able to help those of my community very much. I do not want to lose anymore of my brothers and sisters by the work of their own hands because they are all too precious.

Thank you so much, this has helped a lot to be comfortable with my doubts. A lot of the time we forget that learning about ourselves and being patient with that process is just as important as anything else we want to understand.

Thank you so much for your series of videos and blog posts. This video has been one of the most impactful for me, I have tears in my eyes right now. In a good way! :)

I Really love your use of the Hero's Journey as a metaphor for traversing this difficult path. Makes me think of Harry Potter and watching him evolve into his true Self despite his origins.

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

That is a great analogy! I will have to think about how to use that in future discussions. :)

I have been researching and gathering information to help me with the fear and confusion and doubt of transition for years and I cannot believe I’ve never come across this. Things are super bad just now in my life and this video I really needed today. Someone is looking out for me somewhere, thank you thank you thank you ❤️❤️❤️

I have been looking for that talk for ever .. and you have given me everything i needed thank you so much dr Dara for giving your time and effort to acknowledge people with that information about their gender and identity

Thank you because I’ve had the courage to call up psychiatrists and know how to approach them for my transition. I just booked my first appointment with a gender therapist today and excited to start this journey.

I wanted to stop by and say thank you for your content, past & present! I watched this video when it was 1 month old, and here I find myself returning to it after it was recommended to me again... I do not believe this is a phase for me!! Soon, I am going to take steps to attend vocal training, to see if I like the outcome of its teachings, to help me decide if the anxieties or fears of HRT outweigh the benefits it could have for me and my future self. Thank you for being a voice for those of us who don't know how to get support or what we may need or want in it. Your work means a lot to me!

This has really helped me, I have been questioning myself for quite sometime now and I just wanted to thank you. I feel like, because of you, I am a little closer to actually finding out who exactly I am.

Your book is helpful. I bought multiple copies to distribute. One went to my therapist. Thank you for being you.

I love your videos! They're very helpful to me because of how long I've been repressing these feelings that I'm actually a girl and I've finally accepted this part of me. I've been also using your videos to help practice my feminine voice.

@darahoffmanfox

8 жыл бұрын

:)

Someone helped open my eyes to gender by stating that you can have more than one gender! I haven't explored enough to know what exactly I'm comfortable with, but I know I'm happy with the labels multigender and genderfluid

So glad I found you :) My first counseling session is next week!

Your way of thoughts is on a goddess of wisdom level, Ms. Hoffman-Fox

you're so calming and therapist like honestly this is great

Thank you for this, I needed it. I've been joking for years I'm really not a girl. But I am also not a boy. It feels good knowing there is more than just being binary. I've got my SO that has been helping me and now I am going to start therapy and I have started asking some people in my life to use an androgynous name which has helped as well as slowly changing my appearance a bit. I'm certainly more comfortable, but know I have a long way to go as well. It's really nice knowing there are resources out here to help.

Thank you so much for creating this channel! I am so glad that I found you.... I feel that this will be very helpful in my "quest!"

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

:)

Listening to you has given me enough courage to seek out a therapist to further explore these feelings 🥺

I thought I'm the only one thinking about the ego... Thank you for your videos, I feel like I lost memories because of the harrassment I got for trying to be me but now I feel like I can recover from all the bad things the ego caused me.

Thank you so much for this informative video. It’s a big help in my quest. 😃

Confusion ? Not anymore. Doubt? A tiny bit but reducing all the time. Fear? Oh yes! "...when fear comes in at its strongest.....". Oh God yes! Yet I feel myself getting closer and closer to where I want - need - to be. I embrace my Trans nature now. Its me. I knew when I was a child that I should have been a girl but its taken me till my 50's to accept it after many years of back and forth. Love that you are framing it as the classic hero quest. 👍

Thank you! Someone from a transgender chat site showed me to one of your videos and I found this one. I relate almost 100% to this!!! So at least I know I'm not stupid or abnormal.

VERY helpful! Have been experiencing all three feelings.

This has helped me so much, you have no idea. I wasn't sure if I was going to get anything out of this video, but I certainly did! And I learning something new about myself in the process: whenever I would go out in public, I didn't feel uncomfortable with being seen as and referred to as my assigned gender at birth, and 'Doubt' took this as a sign that I couldn't be transgender. I now realise that I'm pretty sure that was 'Fear' or my ego trying to protect me, subconsciously telling me that if I made a drastic change to myself, it would be bad and I would be severely judged (I believe Anxiety also has a say in this), so it tried to help me by not scaring me exactly, but by doing something that would, in turn, feed into my Doubt. It's like my subconscious mind has an entire system designed to make me doubt that I'm trans in order to "keep me safe", though that's hardly what it's doing for me. I have always felt more confident in my own room, alone, than out in public spaces, or even just with any other people, in terms of my gender. I would be feeling relatively okay about myself, but then as soon as the thought of socially transitioning came into my mind, I would freak out and Doubt and Fear would creep in, telling me that I would regret it, and that I would be judged. This video has helped me understand those feelings better, and although I'm still confused, I'm also one step closer to discovering my truth, and I've got one more bottle of education elixir under my belt thanks to you.

Oh, this is just sooo good and helpful, thank you!

Does anyone else’s head hurt when they think about gender or even when your not and it’s not like a regular headache it’s like always there y’know?

I am transitioning non consent, but you are a GREAT therapist!!

Thank you so much for making this video! You answered a lot of the questions that I've been having lately. :)

@darahoffmanfox

10 жыл бұрын

Awesome!

This really helped me get an idea of where and how to start my journey to discovering my truth. Thank you

@HerWanderlust

Жыл бұрын

Your truth is the concrete biology that you are born into-plus your choices of how you carry that ❤️

Thank you you have massively helped me out now I just have to get the courage to come out. :D

Thank you for making this video!!! It helps me a lot.

Wow, it looks like there are a lot more people question their identity like I am. That feels better, but I still find myself wondering if it's just a mental illness that I have. I am grateful to have found your channel and am going to subscribe.

Dear Dara, I am male to female transgender transitioning later in my life and I have a wife and an autistic son. I have been suicidal for most of my life and have been hospitalized many times in the last 2 years. I feel I need to transition but there are so many obstacles and I feel I will most likely die by suicide if I am not able to forge ahead with my transition.

This video has been really helpful to me. Thank you so much

I'm a writer so I started writing a novel entitled: From Shannon to Samantha. It's a story in which my prayers came true and I transformed into her.

@thething91

7 жыл бұрын

I think I am. I'm going to my third therapy session tomorrow. And it's been an on and off urge I had since I was 15.

This was so helpful, thank you!

Hi! I'm finding your videos SOOOO helpful in my struggle with my gender identity. I just recently came out to folks as trans, and I would be lying if I said it's been an easy ride. I've been watching video's about what it means to be transgender, from folks who have transitioned, and so forth. I am in the process of trying to find a gender therapist. I saw a video you did on that, which gave me pointers. Thanks :) I'm trying to network so I thought it would be a good idea to reach out. Best, Ann (Ignore my youtube name :) )

I was born in ft Collins Colorado and i found this video 8 months ago and i wanted to thank you

This is very helpful. Thank you.

Wow, thank you so much for this video ! I love your metaphors - they are so positive and uplifting & I find it very helpful to connect to the idea of a protagonist because often, I think, when you're trans, you don't quite feel like the protagonist/hero_ine of your own story because so many decisions are made without you. Also can I just say that your videos are so affirming because your information/education on these subjects is very non-judgmental and inclusive & this is giving me a lot of hope & strength for tackling the very backwards & gatekeeping process of transitioning in my country. .. thank you so much for that !

thank u so much for making this videos, it helps so much

Hi I just came over your channel, I watched a few videos. actually I had some doubts about some things before going on HRT but your videos helped me a lot. im so sharing your channel to every group I know to help other people like me.. thanks for making such videos.. God Bless you ^_^ bzw im Alisha from am Mauritius ;)

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

That is great to hear, and yes spread the education as far as you can, I'm happy to help!

Yes I was recently asked why my nails are painted that way. It was a bit uncomfortable. I answered I'm exploring my feminine side. It was awkward because of the faith we share.

Me: MtF. It was ~2 months from realization/coming out socially to name-choice. (Contacted Doc for recommendations, let Important Folks know privately, contacted work, went public on FB.) ~1.5mos after my realization, I went on disability from work due to self-inflicted concussion; during that time, I started dressing fulltime (as opposed to only weekends) and decided on my name of choice. Long story short: I came out in June; by Thanksgiving, I was out socially, had a therapist, a name and started HRT

amazing video, so helpful for me as a transgender person :-) tnx soooo much :-)

thank you so much for this it helps a lot!

this is so comforting

It is different at age 58. By that time you know what and WHO you are. But now I had to guit worrying about other people and put myself and God first AND I DID NOW I LOVE LIFE. 💖💖💖💖

Thank you so much, I'm just waiting for a gender therapist to call me back and make an appointment. I desperately want HRT.

Thank you so much for making these... Thank you.

Thanks Dara,in my case fear is the one to concure

I found this rather relatable, as I hate the expectations of my assigned gender but am some what confused about my body, i simultaneously like my body and hate it, sometimes i am fine with a male body other times i hate it so much i do extream things to try to change it even to the point of damaging it or enduring a ton of pain and suffering, though i am pretty sure that I want to be fully female, I often am content.

thank you for posting this, I appreciate it

@darahoffmanfox

7 жыл бұрын

My pleasure!

This video has truly shown me the three reasons I start and stop on my journey towards finding my true self. I have for a very long time felt I was not considered a male or man but growing up in a STRONGLY conservative fundamentalist Christian home made that revelation hard to realize. I came to it by leaving for college, and even then, it took over three years for me to even talk about to someone. Since then, my life has simply been a rollercoaster. There are days and weeks and months that I feel great and that my emotions and life seems to be going in the right way: trans woman, but then a small roadblock or issue comes up or disagreement from my family, or simply I see myself in a mirror and see things that discourage me, like my receding hair line (not too bad but bad enough). I get so discouraged so much. I have thought about building a support team, but I just hide and simply start acting more my assigned birth sex and gender which pleases my family. I do not mean to go on and on, I at least now know that it's my ego playing with me telling me that it's easier to just be who I was assigned at birth, but still I know that all three problems will arise in my life. This is definitively a journey that to me is hard, but I just hope that I can find someone in my area, cheap, that could at least talk to me and counsel me. Again, I am so sorry for laying this all on you, Dara (hope you're not offended). You have at least helped me to answer those questions that I have been wondering why for so long. Thank you!

@darahoffmanfox

10 жыл бұрын

It sounds like a lot of what throws you off track are the old messages given to you by your family - they resurface when you hit a roadblock. Those are so hard to move past, but yes talking to a counselor about how you can move past those "taught beliefs" could be really useful! I appreciate you leaving a comment, my best to you! :)

@kaseypowers7586

10 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much. :)

@kaseypowers7586

10 жыл бұрын

I have heard that a bunch since I started this journey, and as time continues I notice that taught beliefs are hard to overcome. I have my mind out for a good yet cheaper counselor. Thank you again, Dara. :)

@darahoffmanfox

10 жыл бұрын

My pleasure! See if a Pride Center in your state has a counseling service, or if they can refer to you friendly counselors. Also see if there certain counselors in your area who have interns, who would see you for less. Good luck!

Wow Very Helpful thank u

Apparently this video is old, but it's coming at the exact right time for me, and mental chaos is the perfect description of what I was feeling last week, before realizing that I might be trans. I'm still not sure, but I was so confused that I couldn't even really talk about it and make sense; in fact I was having trouble talking about anything.

@darahoffmanfox

7 жыл бұрын

It's true, I made it three years ago, which is ages when it comes to how much I have learned since then! Perhaps I'll make an updated version of it soon. :) Keep doing research and exploring, and if at all possible try to find a therapist in your area to talk too. I have a book coming out in September that might help as well! discoveryourgenderidentity.com/

Well I think I'm poking the right bees nest inside of me considering how I'm having confusion, doubt, etc etc. I just need to keep in mind what I've seen for myself. Gotta keep pushing along. Money is tight for me as always so getting an entirely different wardrobe isn't exactly easy lol but I'll get there. I've promised myself I'll make changes in private, see if I like them and grow into them, then if that works out, then I can start wearing whatever out in public.

I'm assigned female at birth and I hate it. I relate to nothing of "the female experience" and I never did. Never lived up to expectations and was always the odd one out. But I also feel like I would be just as miserable if I where assigned male because I am small, shy and physically weak. If I where a biological boy I would never life up to any expectations. Still being a guy sounds a lot better to me.

@loveforlaws8913

3 жыл бұрын

Being adsigned male at birth...nd i hate it...i want those pretty dresses...nail polishes lip gloss..makeup nd all stuff....i would luv tht...thinking of transitioning....

@HerWanderlust

Жыл бұрын

👋 hey! Another female here who does not relate to “female experience” as such…why? Because it is a backwards societal construct meant to reduce women to objects meant for consumption! We are so much more. It takes time to accept who you are, the body you were born into etc, especially in a society where women are thought so little of! The problem is not you so do NOT change yourself or your body! It is the expectations put upon you. I’ve learned over time that I can be whoever and however the hell I want to be. I will always be a woman-and women like you and me who refuse to be put in the negative box society Made for us are slowly changing the way women are seen and what’s expected of us ❤️

Thank you, this was really helpful :D I feel a lot less in the dark now :)

@darahoffmanfox

9 жыл бұрын

That made me smile to hear that!

awesome video, awesome work, great insight :)

I'm starting this quest.... Born female but don't feel completely male or female like I definitely lean more towards male but not to the point I think I would surgically transition. But I'm scared that the more I research it I could convince myself that I'm definitely trans.... When it's not accurate. So confused right now😔

@HerWanderlust

Жыл бұрын

Dearest, no one is born in the incorrect body. Do not get caught in the mind games. A female can never know what it’s like to “feel male” because every thought emanates from her female brain and biology. All thoughts a female thinks are female thoughts . You can accept you are female and still be whoever you want to be. Do not dissociate from your body and let people convince you to harm yourself

really great videos thankyou!

But thank you for not turning off the comments!

Transitioning is like climbing a mountain sometimes you have to go back a bit to get closer to the goal.

hi ! i basically just started questionning a little while ago and i did some research and tests and what came out mostly is that i'm masculine female. I feel that this is very close to accurate and it's confusing at the same time to think about any kind of transition because i feel like that would be like going somewhere only to come back to the exact same spot, only flipped or smthg ?? like i'm male and feel female often , or always have been and felt closer to female identity, and if i switched or changed, i would be female trying to be masculine to be myself accuratly, which i am already... kinda lost here x) if i would have been afab, i would dress the exact same as i do now i think... comfy and practical WITH LOTS OF POCKETS. x) i always felt wierd, uneased and chaste with my male body tho. i feel i would be closer to myself by being a woman with all the parts that comes with it and i'm sure i would still be attracted to women. any ppl that feel like this and wanna talk about it ? lmk what you think i'm a newbie thanks

Thank you. Your voice and face are very calming. I am 52 yr old Even though I have known since 1990 that I was transgender and Needed chest reconstruction. And that I changed my name and got gender counseling and top surgery this past year, your videos are very helpful. I've been questioning my transgender gender ftm. All my trans male friends are very male. I don't feel i will ever look or act male in others eyes, or be able to convince anyone. I don't really care to be held to standards and told how to walk and talk and act (as i did as trying to act female) i just want to define myself. I am very non confirming. No one thinks I am very much like a male and I seem to have gotten even more female after I got on Testosterone ?? DHEA and supplements were much more preferable to me. Maybe that is my perception, but being Out, as opposed to having that insular protection of being a secret man. I wasnt sure what was going on but you explained that it is a journey and that fear and doubt and confusion are natural. Perhaps on the way to bravery and courage but feeling like I just want to hide. Everyone knows now, i told them, and different reactions. Some groups are coming along to some type of "leader said so" acceptance. ;] I'm a social person and even if it's a bit dictated, feels better that to enter to complete silence. I am concerned about how I elll look on a low dose of testosterone that I wanted 2.5. I didn't want allot. Much as I'd want to grow a moustache I am not ready for the fears of bathrooms etc I feel others will be disappointed I am not male enough, but, oh well. That is a very personal decision. I am lucky no one had been outright verbally mean to me. Anyway. Thank you for your reassurance. I am extremely lucky to have a solid support group, work young and older folks, different ranges of gender identity, surgery, hormones, and a church that is very supportive of, and well attended by transgender people, and gay people I've known for 28 years.

Life long secret crossdresser here. And Energy Sensitive. I can literally sense the vibrations of others as physical pressure. Sorry if this might sound confusing, or repetitive. Since I have learned to accept this part of me, I have also come to a cross roads. Chronic pressure and back pains goes away whenever I dress, and get those lumps and a bra placed on the areas of pressure and pain. Chronic pressure and back pains goes away whenever I dress, and get those lumps and a bra placed on the areas of pressure and pain. When I walk among humans in my normal male clothes, pains comes back again. Cross dreaming is a daily occurrence unless I am focused on something else. However, when I dress in private in my one room flat, I get numbed with anxiety and can't step out. This is something I have been able to when going to another country on what I call my therapy trips on cross dresser events. Where I do the full make over there. I have not been able to do this since the winter of 2017. Since tendonitis has more or less numbed my work. These pains only goes away when I dress. What does this mean?

I've kept going from thinking I'm straight female to a gay female to a gay guy to a straight guy and then non-binary and liking all kinds of genders. At this point I believe myself to be gender fluid and pansexual, though when I go through longer periods of time as being just the one gender or sexuality I find I start questioning myself all over again. Is there anyone who knows what to do to deal with this at all?

@HerWanderlust

Жыл бұрын

Yes, it is not actually confusing at all. There are three options. Gay, bi, heterosexual. If you are a woman who likes only women you are gay. If you are a woman who likes both you are bi. If you are a woman who likes men you are heterosexual. There is nothing to be or decide. Own your biology, your personality, your style-as there is no escaping who you are. If you were born female, you are female until death. That does not mean you are restricted-do not fall for the hype. It will not make you happier to dissociate from yourself.

Thank you

Thanks mother

I need this so much right now

Wow! Thank you.

Im a questioning MtF on the Autism spectrum, which makes a drastically new routine seem very difficult for me to grasp. I am also VERY scared of HRT in the fact that it changes your sexuality, because i've unexpectedly met my soulmate before ive even started my transition. She means the world to me and we are perfect for eachother in every way. I know I like guys too but what if I start liking them on HRT so much that I wont like women anymore? I also dont want to age further as a male and regret not starting sooner. Im just so lost and don't know what to do

@Kerivity

Ай бұрын

My heart goes out to you reading this comment. I am an autistic woman myself. I just want to say that you need not change any routine you are comfortable with in order to be the woman that you are. If you feel more comfortable continuing to perform more masculine routines, practices and expressions then I would hope that you continue to do what is most comfortable. There is nothing wrong with being a masculine woman, butch, or a tomboy or whatever you may wanna classify yourself as, for all women trans and cis alike. In my experience with helping women in my womens shelter who happen to be transgender, although the possibility of a change in sexuality on HRT is possibly its very unlikely. I hope you and your soulmate are still going strong and I wish you all the best sister.

@shymetalheadgf

Ай бұрын

@@Kerivity that comment was from 2 years ago, and I am happy to announce that I finally started HRT! (about a year now) I am very happy and probably feel the best i've ever felt in my life. And yes I am still with my lovely fiance, shes my biggest support ☺️

much love Dara!

Wow thank you.

Dara, thank you for a very informative video! I identify with the experiences that mtf women share. I have always had many thoughts about whether I was born in the wrong gender. I have had many of the same fantasies as others - such as going to bed as male and waking up female with everybody accepting the female me completely! I have also wanted to find a woman who would feminize me and we would be girlfriends! When I watch movies, I like to see myself in the female lead role!! I have been doing that since I was very young - I also identify with female leads in tv shows too. I really believe the inner me/inner voice is female! I have really considered transitioning - but I would have to be very clear that I would be able to live as a woman. I also know it is expensive - I would be afraid to go broke or into debt trying to transition. Perhaps if all the info about transitioning existed when I was in my early twenties- I would have transitioned then. I so wanted to be a woman back then! If I could find a time machine, I would go back to that time and make the change! Dara keep doing the great work that you do! I applaud you for reaching out to the transgender community through you tube to educate and offer support!!

@jfurhart5572

5 жыл бұрын

I have come back to reread my comments several times - I really do feel strongly about what I wrote and how I feel. I see this as a space where I can share these thoughts and feelings. I have spent a lot of time yesterday watching youtube videos about how many mtf transgenders knew that they had to transition. I could identify with nearly everything they shared! Even though it gave me much relief to hear them share so many similarities of thoughts and feelings, I became more than a little frustrated. Seeing and hearing the happiness they feel after transitioning made me feel that I am missing out. I started to wonder if I would be filled with regret later in life if I did not transition. I just feel a need to share this. I am going to put this out to the universe. Maybe I will be shown the path I need to take. Much love and happiness to all those transgender women who have shared their stories on youtube! Thank you! 💖

That third question describes me perfectly.

Great video! 😊🤙🏽

I feel like I can stand being a female for the rest of my life, but I don't think I'll ever be happy as a female. Like, if I were a male I think I could live and be happy. But as a female I feel like, yeah, I could live but I wouldn't be happy most of the time.

@FreeWalkR

3 жыл бұрын

Same but as assigned male and I’m gonna transition to seek my happiness

@HerWanderlust

Жыл бұрын

Many people aren’t happy, and often chase this or that thing they think will finally cure their unhappiness. The reality of your female body will never change, even with surgeries etc your body will still be female. It is better to feel a little unhappy with your intact female body than to feel incredibly unhappy and be a medical patient for LIFE with a female body that is mutilated to look visually like a male body. Please trust me on this. You do not want any of these doctors touching you-they do not actually have a way to make you male-these surgeries are experimental and you are the Guinea pig

I’m a transgender girl. I was a boy assign at birth still am not very happy had major thoughts that made call hotline. I’m confused stressed. I feel more female than male. I’m looking for a place to live in a month. But for reals I’m truly feel like a girl 150%.. I like being my true me I told my step dad. He wasn’t surprise now it’s just my mom. I told my brother and my cousins. I still afraid open up need a lot of comfort. Please best wishes doing hormone therapy makes me happy. And finding a new place to live in a month and for my mom accepts me as her daughter.

thank you.