Besides watching the videos, when I read the comments from others, it makes me feel like I'm not alone anymore, and that there are others out there who know what I am going through now or what I will be going through in the future. Thanks to all of you "out there" for your comments as well as these videos!

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

You got this!

Thank you. Made me cry. I have been caring for my husband for 8 years now and I am 62. I feel like I'm missing so much in life and feel so much resentment some times. It's such a long journey. I feel my resentment mostly on the weekends. Running out of money, feeling guilty for feeling resentful and just wanting the journey to end. It's a horrible feeling. I have subscribed and will watch more of your videos. They resonate with me.

@michellec2899

3 жыл бұрын

🙏 thinking of you. Don’t forget you ,look into having respite options ,for yourself & your husband. All the best. M🧘‍♀️🌺🌸🇬🇧🇨🇦

@maryhenderson2554

2 жыл бұрын

I totally understand 😢

@allykatharvey

2 жыл бұрын

💕 Your love and sacrifices are never wasted. What you have done is wonderful and such an amazing achievement. Caregivers don’t get any medals but they are the people who deserve them most.💐🏅🎖❤️

@kyokopuffs

Жыл бұрын

If you wouldn’t mind talking or messaging someone who can relate, please contact me

@carrie402

Жыл бұрын

I could have written this Kathleen. I'm your age and see all my friends travelling and enjoying their lives, and I'm at home taking care of my husband 24/7. It's not easy.

It's tough when the person who's affected used to be the smartest person in the room. It's hard to forget the past 30 years of history with this dazzling personality...There are lots of learned memories an interactions almost like muscle memory... When these cues go away, it is very hard. I hate Dementia!!

@juanitavanbuskirk7304

Ай бұрын

Exactly. My husband is so intelligent and I miss him so much.

I feel completely overwhelmed being my moms caregiver!! It stresses me out at times!!

I just live to be out of this someday...

@paulawhalen293

Жыл бұрын

I actually get how you feel. I feel guilty for this feeling but it’s there. I feel sorry for my husband who is sometimes like a stubborn toddler. My heart aches for him.

@loriwoodford1804

Жыл бұрын

I have to look at it as a mission from God. Payback kinda 😢

@Tommy-fs3vb

2 ай бұрын

Exactly what I tell myself, but when I fall short it kicks me so hard in the teeth. I absolutely hate feeling daily that I'm letting my mother down and especially My Savior.​@@loriwoodford1804

If I can't change the situation I can change my mindset. I have nothing to lose but my anger. But it's easier said than done.

Thank you for this video. I am so patient with my mother but once in a while. I just break down and the anger takes over! I will fuss back with her! Then I will cry and feel so bad. It is so hard to walk in these shoes sometimes!!

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Brenda Hamlin it is hard. You are human. Be kind to yourself. 💕

@monicaprice7129

5 жыл бұрын

I would take care of my mother with dementia for many years thank you for helping me because I'll be taking some things personally it's no joke I put my life back for her I don't do nothing for myself I really don't anyway I'm going to try to get hurt in a place where somebody can help thank you so much for the information

@lisas2538

3 жыл бұрын

Brenda H Don’t be hard on yourself. I do the same thing. I’m sure you are doing such a good job. Sending you love.

@sherriantucker6382

Жыл бұрын

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@rhondahg5865

6 ай бұрын

😭

I doubt there are any of us who don't feel hurt or angry or feel resentment nearly every day. It is a good reminder to hear often that they also are struggling with their dementia. This is an unfortunate disease that affects us both. I have to remind myself daily to keep my anger in check. I have to try to remember my wife before the disease, not the one I'm taking care of now. The wife before the disease would never do or say these things that upset me.

@grahamturnbull3815

4 жыл бұрын

I'm in the same boat as Jim my wife (only 65 ) has been fighting brain cancer "oligo dendro glioma" very slow growing tumors and is fully into Dementia level 5 going on 6 sometimes she appears normal followed by strange behaviour and it is so terribly hard to reconcile, and my anger surges. These videos are a godsend to me.

Thanks for this video. I’m definitely in the anger boat from the duration and increasing care needs of my mom. I have put myself on the back burner for too long.

The single biggest problem I had with taking care of my mom is that she was an abusive parent when I was growing up, well into my teens. I had never felt such anger before.

@BHPaperstacks

3 жыл бұрын

Well she still managed to be a successful parent in possibly the most important way possible. She raised a child that is better than she was even if the result was more the result of other external factors.

@donnamontanarella2403

3 жыл бұрын

I totally appreciate what you are saying. I find it very difficult when my mother gets nasty and reminds me of how she hurt me in the past. I get triggered frequently. As always, I try my hardest to be very patient, loving , and compassionate. I have found that setting boundaries has helped me. I need to limit my exposure and cut visits and phone calls short as soon as her behavior gets mean and out of line. It's important to protect your own heart and mind. It's hard when someone had a difficult personality to begin with. It's also hard when the relationship has been strained in the past. I make sure that I am taking time to take care of myself and get support from counseling. My mother is in assisted living. It's the best living situation for our family. I wish you all the best ScubaTiger. I am sorry for the trauma you have been through.

@joemanly9519

3 жыл бұрын

This was my problem making it even harder to recognize something was wrong because this was the mom I knew. It wasn't until I found she was hallucinating and also unable to take care of her finances also she was having trouble picking out groceries. You have to look for other signs. You have to rise up and be the adult in the room.

@ConwayBob

3 жыл бұрын

@ScubaTiger: I cannot imagine a greater challenge for a caregiver. Perhaps 9 times out of 10, an abusive parent was abused as a child. For that reason, it may be helpful to try to imagine your Mom as that abused child who is in desperate need of whatever compassion you can muster. Try to look beyond the painful parts of your personal history with her to that time when she was a small, vulnerable child completely at the mercy of an adult who ALSO had been abused as a child and did not know how to care for her. Extending our imagination back through time in that way may help both the needy parent and our self. To practice seeing our self as the person who is disrupting the cycle, the one who is healing the multigenerational wound, is a good way to bolster our own self-esteem and to improve our ability to care -- not only for our ailing parent but for anyone else to whom we are attached in love and/or friendship. Bless you!

@kellydivine6648

3 жыл бұрын

That is my situation too.

I think Dr. Natali left out the one type of caregiver who may be the most susceptible to anger. Caregivers whose LO developed instant onset dementia from one single massive stroke. So that on Tuesday, they are the person you've always known for decades, but on Wednesday they no longer act or behave as you once knew. Oddly, they look the same and talk the same as always, but their behavior is no longer the person you knew. This is similar to the "person who is new at caregiving" as Dr. Natali did mention, however it's a far more extreme case. I am 55. I have known my mom for 55 years, and she is the best, nicest, most thoughtful mom in the world. Until Sept 23, 2019, the day of the stroke. Not a TIA, not a long-term build up of multiple infarcts, but a single massive embolism that changed her from the person I knew for 55 years at 2:00pm to one of the seemingly most thoughtless, selfish people on earth by 6:00pm. The change was so instant, that it was impossible, in the first 3 months, for me to comprehend that she was now a different person. Remember, 55 years of having it engrained in my head how sweet she is. 55 years! Now I'm supposed to instantly believe she is no longer that person? She has the same face? The same voice? But her behavior is that of someone possessed. She became mean, crazy, demanding, and livid with me for not believing her delusions. I returned the anger. I'd hide in my room and scream into the pillow til my voice no longer worked. By month three, I had a clinical nervous breakdown. Now we are in month 7 and I have finally controlled my anger. I feel terrible for my initial anger. But I've forgiven myself, and am now on a mission to comfort, love and have the patience of a saint, with this person who used to be my mom. It's because an angel had come to me. He was a doctor at the clinic, not technically on her case, but he could see I was in deep trouble. He pulled me aside to a private room at the clinic. He said nothing at first, just stared into my eyes. Then he said, "Bro, your real mom is gone. I want you to do something. You take all the most beautiful memories you have of your real mom and put them into a beautiful little wooden box. Then tie a ribbon of her favorite color around it. Then find a nice place in which to keep that box. Forever. That box is your mom. Now I want you to walk down the hall to where the woman who used to be your mom is, and hold her hand. And from now on, because of who she used to be, you give her all the patience in the world. She deserves that. For who she once was, she deserves that. He then shook my hand and said, "I know you can do it." And yes, he was right, I've been doing it ever since. But it was because he made me separate my previous mom, from my new mom. He made me see that my new mom's behavior was not her, it was her disease. That is the key. Realizing that the new behavior is not my mom, it's her disease. It's that simple. And it's all working smoothly now.

@janemccourt5022

4 жыл бұрын

Not just a stroke but a sub dural haematoma. Thanks for your wisdom. xx

@aljacksonartist

4 жыл бұрын

@@janemccourt5022 Good point. I forgot to consider there must be more than one type of instant brain event that can cause instant dementia. I don't know much about sub dural haematomas, but they sound like massive head trauma with blood loss to key brain regions, caused by something like a car accident?

@pennypenny2588

3 жыл бұрын

I need a "wow" button. So what is the update on this story? How are you and mom doing?

@aljacksonartist

3 жыл бұрын

@@pennypenny2588 Penny, thanks for asking. My mom has grown nicer and nicer until now (13 months after her stroke) she is even nicer than she was in normal life. Hence, I'm extremely nice to her as well. Her delusions and hallucinations have decreased. And she is occasionally willing to accept a delusion not being true. Her short term memory is even returning. She no longer asks the same question 20 times. She asks once and remembers the answer. There has been a gradual reversal of her dementia over 13 months, which tells me that dementias only decline when the cause is still attacking the brain. Such as in Alzheimer's dementia, the plaques and tangles keep coming. In Lewy Body Dementia, the protein bodies keep coming. In Vascular Dementia, the multiple infarcts continue occurring. However, in a single-incident dementia producing event, such as a major stroke or head trauma, there is not an ongoing mechanism causing the dementia to decline. And the brain is known to heal itself from such events - as long as there's no ongoing harm being done. I won't waste my time reporting my mom's dementia reversal to the medical community because they're not intelligent enough to understand what I just explained, nor would they care to use it for research to help others. They're useless.

@pennypenny2588

3 жыл бұрын

@@aljacksonartist I am happy for the good report.

The anger is at the situation when no one can afford to get professional care at home or away, bec no one planned ahead.

@barbaracarr17

3 жыл бұрын

My mother-in-law planned ahead but exhausted her longterm care insurance. Planning doesn't always solve everything

@trishgreen2892

2 жыл бұрын

Yes. And since we care full-time, there's no way for us to have a job or income.

It’s easy to say that when you are on the outside looking in. It’s a whole different story when you eat, sleep, and breathe this disease every single day.

I sometimes wonder if it's anger or utter desperation that we are getting angry with ourselves because that is what real life can produce at times.

This is so important to talk about, specially because even if we understand what the disease brings along, we are only human and after 10 yrs of care and the number 20,000.00 time you have to repeat a story, answer a question, or look for items that are hidden, so they are not stolen...etc the frustration builds and eventually the anger comes out. And if you add to that the fact that this is a person who was manipulative and abusive while you were growing up it makes things worse. I am not excusing the anger I am just saying is a human reaction when you have been streched to your limit. 😵😵‍💫🥴

@maksdoulton4713

Жыл бұрын

Not enough awareness out there about the plight of the abuse-scarred family caregiver who no-one considers worthy of anybody's concern. Hey, how DARE someone have any complaints about having their life ruined TWICE, amiright?!

Wow, you have been looking in my window. You have hit it on the head. Thanks for your encouragement.

Perfect. My mother fell and broke her hip while I grocery shop this summer, she is in assisted living, I visit every day but I don’t miss 24/7 caregiving. Her caregiver group has healed our relationship too. Dementia is a soul sucker. I’m now grateful I can spend time with my mom (moderate to end stage). Her nurse said “we supplement with love”. Yes. Love is better than Anger which I had.

@annad9028

Жыл бұрын

Soul sucker. That is just perfect!

I have spent the first 4 years working and spending the rest of my time looking after my mum. Last January I gave up work to look after her full time. This video has been really helpful. I'm into my second full time year now and I am beginning to wonder how much longer I can do this for. I have in the past year got respite arranged and my mum has been put on Memantine. However I can't leave her for any length of time now because the dog has become unnerved by her moods and when I'm not around she over pets him and he has bitten her. So now I can't leave her alone in the house for more than 10/15 mins at a time. On the whole my life is ok. I treat looking after my mum as a job and this way I can detach myself somewhat. But the difficulty of looking after someone 24/7 and never being able to leave them alone is beginning to take it's toll. So Videos like this are a life saver for reminding me that she is finding it difficult too. Thank you so much.

It's been about five years now that my partner has had alzheimers. Gone though lots and learned a lot. Initially couldn't figure how this person that I'd spent over 25 very loving years with could be so angry and upset with me - this was about the time that we finally got a diagnosis and I started attending a carer's group which helped. But he was still able to care for himself for the most part. Now after five years, I have to feed him, clean him, care for all his toilet needs and until not too long ago was overwhelmingly stressed. Still feel stress but I now have an hour a day when a carer comes to give me respite and I go for a walk and the exercise helps a lot. I've now seen a few more of your videos and they have been very helpful. Still stressed but the walking, deep breathing a bit of yoga seem to help a little. I could go on but mostly wanted to thank you for your videos which I will continue to view as I have time and need. The one thing that has been a problem is the pandemic - help and assistance that used to be available is either not available or very complicated. Thanks again for all the information you provide - it really is very helpful.

I struggle some day with getting angry after constantly being accused of taking something that she has misplaced. One day I know we will find all the things she has hidden away but until then it gets on my last nerve and I know that I shouldn't let it get to me.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

You are human, it's hard not to be frustrated by accusations of wrongdoing when you are doing so much to care for her. Hang in there!

@sheranlanger247

3 жыл бұрын

My mom got ridiculously upset over a tiny glass she used to dissolve her aspirin in. She swore blind somebody had stolen it and made an enormous fuss for weeks and weeks. Then one day it was just suddenly back on the kitchen counter. She doesn't remember finding it and says I'M trying to drive HER crazy when I feel like it's the other way round.

@foxiefair123

2 жыл бұрын

My mom accuses me of running around with her boyfriend.😂

@kimtingchaleun2910

2 жыл бұрын

@@foxiefair123 😄😂

You’re videos are SO helpful!

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Yvonne White I’m happy to hear that. Thank you!

Thank you for this video. I’m caring for my husband. It’s been about 5 years now and I’m angry a lot and exasperated. We had such wonderful plans for retirement. Now, I just want this to be over.

@carrie402

Жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you feel Cleveland Girl. I feel the same way. I'm exhausted, frustrated, and resentful watching all my friends enjoy vacations and fun with family and friends, and I'm here cleaning poop off of him and everything else.

I just watched your video as I felt overwhelmed today and I find this video so so useful , as though someone had listened to my feelings and see what I'm going through. Thank for making this wonderful videos.

Prayer, prayer, prayer, prayer

In the beginning it was hard not to get angry at my husband, he mistreated me in our marriage and I use to resent that now I had to care for him. I prayed to forgive him and to realize he cannot help himself. I knew I had to see him in a different way. Through prayer, I now have compassion and patience to take care of him. Yes, some days when he gets mean, I ignore him, and get him cleaned up and I can get on with our lives. I manage to get outside for a walk most days, my son stays with him. I'm looking forward to that day I can go hiking longer than an hour.

This is so helpful! Thank you for eloquently speaking about this stigmatized topic :)

Being a live in caregiver for my mother 4 years now has brought me to exactly this place you’ve explained. Thank you.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Wishing you all the best as you continue to care for your mom!

@timlonggone

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you for what you are doing 🙏🏼

@elcruzer5514

4 жыл бұрын

I didn't know so many other people were in my same situation. It's such a help to see your vids and the comments too.

Im tired. I have multiple issues physically. I get angry some times. Laundry. OMG. Im so sick in my heart. He looks so lost and forlorn. The other day he said he was scared. Broke my heart.

@jamesscahill4891

2 жыл бұрын

I'm looking into a mirror, going on 3yrs , So sad all the time and I miss my best friend of 42yrs

@mariagolden2972

2 жыл бұрын

@@jamesscahill4891 I am so sorry. I have walked this road and the rocks still loom large. Some days its more than I can handle and then anger and guil

Thank you Doctor Natali ...you are helping me so much; I am the primary and only caregiver for my 84 year old mother with dementia. She will not let anyone else help her and she insist on only having me all the time. Your videos are so helpful and provide time for me to understand all I am going through.

It’s not anger when taking care of our loved one ... frustration is a more appropriate word. I love your videos very much, but if someone gets angry, please do a video on frustration vs. anger. God Bless

Ive learned this one ..I deal with my own frustration with silence. I feel as if I now understand that I am dealing with a person who is mentally ill . And so my behavior needs to be pretty much that of a saint. what a challenge . so far so good .

Thank you so much, Dr. Natali. My mom still finds ways to show her appreciation for the things i dò for hèr but sometimes we would both lose pạtience over, say, food she likes at first but decides to throw âway later. That gets us both quietly upset. I think only empathy and patience will get us through.

I am so fortunate that my dad is sweet and cheerful in his dementia, and I do know that, but the constraints to my life are sometimes crippling. I have a brother here with brain damage as well. People tell me I'm a saint all the time and I really wish they wouldn't because I'm worn out and frustrated because I get to do almost nothing but clean up after people and work. I'm not new to caregiving, I took care of my mother for 6 years after physical trauma as well but my dad was better then and he helped. Now it's just me. However, I want Dad to be in his home as long as he safely can be so this is what we do now. I dont really have any plans or hopes for my self anymore, just get through the next day and maybe the one after that. Most of my anger comes from that awareness. This could go on for many more years and I know that. I know he doesn't intend any harm or mischief but sometimes it doesn't make it easier to handle. For all of us who are care givers, try to stay strong and to remember you love these people and that their love for you is in there. They held us when we were helpless, now it's our turn. That's what gets me through.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Tricksie Talon you are hanging in there. Keep up the good work.

@vivianamorrison5753

4 жыл бұрын

I have the highest respect for you ! ❤️

@pennypenny2588

3 жыл бұрын

Tricksie, how are you doing? It has been 2 years since your post.

@tricksietalon2596

3 жыл бұрын

@@pennypenny2588 My dad fell about a year ago, I couldn't bring him back home. I had to make the difficult choice of a nursing home. I used to work in Healthcare, I had 2 possibilities where he could be with a dear friend of mine contributing to his care. I chose the older, quieter building, far from home, but a private room. I can't say he was unhappy. Covid came, I couldn't see my dad. I felt it would be mean to confuse him by coming to his window, I just kept hoping until the 145am phone call. He passed on my mommas birthday. Now they are together. I miss my dad so much. So I'm getting my gun permit so I can learn to safely handle and care for his officers side arm. I still have the mechanics restoring his classic Olds. My office happens to be where I can see them every day when I come in and out, his veterans plaque is beautiful. I'm trying to figure out what regular people do. I miss them.

@rattylol

2 жыл бұрын

Bless you x

You are wonderful for doing these videos. Thank you.

You have such great insight.

So helpful to hear this spoken out loud. Thank you 🙏

Wow this helped me SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME SEE THE WAY TO SWAP MT THOUGHTS ABOUT THIS! You are so fantastic!!!! I’ve added this to my dementia playlist that I go to when things get really tough. Thank you thank you.

Every video of yours that I’ve watched has been helpful and I’m so appreciative of having them available to my sisters and myself. It’s made a world of difference in the daily outcome of being a caregiver to my Mom. I feel so good in knowing I can count on your expertise in this most challenging job of my life. I know I’ve avoided some difficulties because of your advice and I will continue on this journey in the best possible way with your help. Thank you, Tallulah Belle 👍🏼✨💯🐛🦋

I get really frustrated that other family members and friends think he is pretending and knows what he is doing. I am with him 24/7. He is not pretending.

What a blessing your words are in the midst of this caregiving war

Your videos are very helpful. Just listening to your voice is soothing.

Thanks. It's good to have someone who understands what I'm going through, and then I remember that my wife is the one going through it even worse. This video helped me take comfort and relax my emotions. Appreciate it.

You have helped me so much. This is so hard and I definitely feel like I’ve lost myself after a few years and my mom doesn’t even realize she’s sick. Thank you for all you do. I’m going to try and do something for myself again.

Boy did I need this tonight. Helpful as always

Catching up on some of the videos that I need a refresher on! Thank you Dr Natali! Super compassionate and tender reminders!! Bless you!

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

You are so welcome!

boy you hit the nail on the head! I think you have been following me around! Thank you for the insight. I will try harder to erase the anger and frustration I feel. I am so glad I found this site to get such great information.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

So many people struggle with anger and frustration. You are not alone. Hang in there!

@nancymayberry1900

5 жыл бұрын

Rose Yeoman I know that feeling! Seems like she is looking over our shoulder! Lol That's why she is so good at her job. She has seen it all in her profession. I am finding that i need to make adjustments within myself as we go along this journey. Thanks for your input Rose!

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Rose Yeoman keep up the good work. It’s challenging, I know.

@jenbleu56

5 жыл бұрын

@Natali Thank you so much for posting this video Natali! My Mother (who had dementia) passed a few monthes ago, & I've been feeling guilty about her last year where I lost my patience w/ her numerous times. After seeing this, it makes me feel less hard on myself. Thank you!

Thank you for this video.

@DementiaCareblazers

4 жыл бұрын

You're welcome. I'm glad to have you as part of the Careblazer family.

You give such great advice.

Your videos are excellent... thank-you

Thank you for all these videos

I am so glad my dad has a day nurse to get my dad out of the house and take him to the park or see his friends. I get angry sometimes and I know it isn't good for either of us😷

Brilliant video, thank you

Each of your videos has provided helpful info for me. Thank you! Thank you!!

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

Glad to help!

Thank you...you have helped me understand so much with all of your videos...

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

Thankyou, I'm glad you find it helpful!

Lately it seems like everything my mom does makes me angry, and irritable. She doesn't want to exercise, doesn't drink enough fluids, makes messes in the bathroom, pees the bed every night. I pray and try to keep calm but I can't seem to get a grasp on my anger. I can honestly say that I would never be a caregiver again. I could go on and on, but I won't.

@lamontday5634

5 жыл бұрын

Stay strong! Please

@roseanngirardin4296

5 жыл бұрын

My mother is exactly the same..she was recently diagnosed I became upset with my mother for the first time and feel horribly guilty, but after watching this video, I have some hope.

@DoreneT316

5 жыл бұрын

I have the same feelings. One journey I don’t care to take again.

@pennypenny2588

3 жыл бұрын

It has been 2 years. How are you and mom doing today?

@bernardsebranek8957

3 жыл бұрын

@@pennypenny2588 she died, here at home, July 10, 2019. 4 days after her 82nd birthday. Thanks for asking.

the very topic that i needed

Thank you!!

Money is an issue in finding help, no family can support this situation, tried agencies, too expensive and are limited in what they can do, things need to change

As a new caregiver just within a year, I recently find myself get frustrated, upset and angry very easily. Watching this video help me understand more about the disease, and learn how to cope with the situation better going forward. Thank you so much Dr. for sharing your knowledge and great advice. Much appreciated 💐

This video has helped me, my anger and resentment towards my father was coming from being tired mentally and emotionally, I finally have asked for help before I breakdown and get burnt out.

@DementiaCareblazers

Жыл бұрын

Glad it helped! I'm so glad you got the best decision for your loved one. 💖 💖

Thank you for your helpful video ,I'm from Morocco and i try to understand the English language because I need to know all about dementia for taking care of my papa.merciii

Liked the bloopers at end , made me 😂 and I needed that.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

We can all use a laugh now and then! :)

@timlonggone

5 жыл бұрын

Thank you

Thank you…I had such a bad day today caregiving…and I was so angry…and tired….you described my emotions so on point…and I feel so guilty because I take my anger out on my husband…time to look for more outside help on how to control my anger…

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

You're most welcome

I'm glad I I turned in I need a yeah he didn't choose the disease. And I do feel like my life is on hold.

up to july my grandmother has been living in her house alone since the 80's since my mom passed back in 2012 I been the one watching out for her taking her to multiple doctors the endocrinologist, eye doctor and podiatrist, going to the store food shopping since she cannot drive a car at 97 she however did buy a car a 91 years old but never drives it besides me starting up the car and driving it around annually the battery goes dead when I go to the mechanic he knows already what its about he replaces the battery and that cycle goes again the owner of the shop offered to take her old buick since it doesn't run and she refused have the cars sitting in a driveway is like a security blanket she paid her bills with me running to the mailbox dropping them off sometimes she would take 2 hours to write a check because she couldn't see and used a flashlight just to see. even doing the yearly tax return was a long process it at times becomes frustrating. even when I had vacation time at my old job taking trips was difficult I went on a trip to texas two years ago till she watched the news and found out the city of Houston had a bad flood and she got angry at me about it I told her I wouldn't go if the weather was bad fast forward to now its even more frustrating since shes in the nursing home until im granted the guardianship which is very soon the elder care lawyers are working on I been paying the bills at her house on top of my bills and its draining me out I have a apt where I pay rent and a car payment plus ultilities ,cable etc...……. I need a vacation when next year comes

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Christopher o neal I hope you get that vacation! That’s something to look forward to!

Thankyou this was helpful,What about boredom sometimes it’s so hard to stay engaged

My sister and I share care for my mom, taking it in turns. We also have two sisters who live far away who cannot take an active part in her care. As our fatigue grows, if we find ourselves overwhelmed or angry, we have started texting our out of town sisters asking them to call for her, so that we can sit her in front of the FaceTime session and walk away for a few minutes. This might be helpful to others who could use just a few minutes to recover their patience.

thank you.

Thank you. Sometimes it is easier for that angry caregiver to hear from an outsider as sometimes the people around them are seen as "people who has turned into somebody against them"(?)

Thank u You answer so many questions 🙏 I have 2 parents Such a hug help

@DementiaCareblazers

2 жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful!

my mom never loved me,now she has dementia ,i am primer cargiver ,nothing changed,she still hates me the same way

@Snchronct

3 жыл бұрын

I am sending you love. I understand your struggle that for some reason you are placed in this position of providing care for someone who does not deserve it. You are not alone. It helps me to remind myself that I am doing it for me, that this act of care elevates my spirit and that it is temporary. Hang in there.

Thank you. Just......thank you

I’ve been at it for 8 yrs. Thru trying to work, thankfully from home, and running to take care of my mother in law, lost my job and mind. My husband has stage 4 cancer, it’s hard to take care of his mom and him and myself, as so many say I have to do 😢 we literally have no help. She is completely disabled and her dementia is getting worse by the day. So much stress, y’all pray for us 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

@carrie402

Жыл бұрын

I'll pray for you Lori. God is our only hope.

It can be non-stop exhausting, before my grandmother had this mental health issue she was already a difficult person. She has always had a cant tell her anything attitude, so much that she never really cared if she was right or wrong and that you needed to deal with it even when you are the one trying to help or shes wrong. She doesnt wanna be told anything. So that accompanied with dementia is double the problem. Everyday I search for reasons why to continue to help. Ive always tried to do best for her but her unreasonableness and resistance is tiring. She likes nothing, is bored with everything, has a very short attention span, complains constantly, always feels like the victim, yet at the same time asks for help and rejects it at the same time. She has no desire to trying anything new or change anything. The doctors where even confused by her lack of willingness, desire, interest or even care to help herself. She would tell them thats what she has us for and that she just wants to be taken care of because in her words wiped our asses when we where young. My grandmother has gotten so accustom to how she treated my Grandfather, she is unable to reason with now as then. With him she was a bully and he just let her have her way and say because resisting did nobody any good. All the time that she has no self control now or filter. Again reinforcing the uncontrollable dementia issues and her poor attitude as well. I guess this has just turned into a rant.

@jozeflak1868

5 жыл бұрын

D G hello I do feel sorry for you in going through with my wife I do feel sorry for my wife I know that's not her she was lovely loving she's worried about the different types of things , New she's seen faces that's not thair, I lost work she doesn't want to stay with her daughter She only wants to stay with me.She don't want nobody watching her bot me, she acts up with family and friends.

@debrawilliams1527

5 жыл бұрын

My mother is like your grandmother

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry. How awful!

@gbp56h14

5 жыл бұрын

My mother is like this!

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry about your situation. Sending strength. 💕

It seems to me in the early stages of dementia at least, the sufferers maintain the personality they had prior. If they were rather helpless (as in my DH) around the house before, they certainly will require a lot of care when they get dementia. My role is not a whole lot different so far. He was not one who ever chose to live on his own and I in our 25 years together I always handled everything around the house, maintenance, bills, cooking,cleaning, etc. So not a huge change SO FAR. He eats the food I prepare and watches sports.

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

I'm glad there hasn't been much change for you!

My dad cares for mom....he refuses to develop a plan B. I'd love to see him drop her off during the daytime so he can have a break. We can see the disease slowly eating at him. Meanwhile, mom is oblivious. He acts like there is no option.

@ConwayBob

3 жыл бұрын

I was much like your Dad. I cared for my wife throughout the first four years after she was diagnosed and for several years before that when she was definitely becoming impaired but had not yet been "officially" diagnosed. I understand his situation. He is -- quite admirably -- being LOYAL to his beloved life partner, he is keeping his vow to care for her "in sickness and in health," and he not only will find it difficult to step back from the sole caregiver role, but he will be dealing with feelings of guilt when he does! Fortunately, I have two stepdaughters who care deeply for both of us, and they have been helping me through this very transition. I still spend quite a lot of time with my wife, but the primary burden for her care is now shouldered by the staff at the assisted living facility where she now lives and where I spend nights with her. I have been struggling to come to grips with the sad fact that our lives will NEVER be returning to "normal" again. I am losing the love of my life to a cruel disease. Your Dad will need help living through that realization also! I surely hope he gets it. Please be patient with him and give him all the care he needs including your sound advice even when he is reluctant to take it.

@corpsmanup5498

3 жыл бұрын

@@ConwayBob Hi Bob (my dad's name is Bobby)....great comment and thanks. I recently, strongly let it be known that he and I needed to develop a set of "what if's" so everyone can move forward....just in case he got injured. He fought me saying that her care was his job. My response was to applaud his effort and choice. However, I indicated that learning about then visiting and shaking hands with local people involved with: 1. in home care, 2. Assisted Living, and 3. Memory Care was exactly what I was going to do with or without him. He changed his mind and came with me on the visits. He was still totally against any of the above options....but at least we were talking about them. His early dementia is, in my opinion, made worse by the totality of the care my mom needs. He is stressed quite a bit. She seemed like a great fit for a memory care unit where other people shared her symptoms.....he was repulsed. Her health care is declining but still better than his! So.......I'm waiting for a crisis. I will always support them.

@ConwayBob

3 жыл бұрын

@@corpsmanup5498 -- Your approach sounds pretty good to me. You've got a dialog going with Dad, and that's a good start.

I feel trapped in caregiving. I am a thyroid patient myself. Taking care of my mother, who just passed away, in another town and my father in law in my house is STRESSFUL. The guilt, the feeling that my life is running out and I cannot travel. It is great realising that others are going through this. Thanks.

Journeys just started for my family. My grandpa couldn’t figure out how to make coffee, and he’s been doing it for years.

OMG...this hit home with me today. Then I look at my husband and feel bad.

Thx you

😢surely noone chooses this disease. Thanks dr

Until some time ago, I have been totally overwelmed and exhausted by managing my own rage responses. They came up automatically, trigered by an acción by my love one, ie, peeing outside the toilet..or by the look of anger in his eyes, or the expression of his frustration. It was like I had no boundaries. No matter what I did, a lot of the time I would automatically feel this huge rage come up in me that, at times I could not contained and expressed in words, like saying I was just fed up and he needed to go into a home or hire someone else to help. At times I wanted to hit him, strangle him. I had to stop my arms...It was horrible. I could not sleep. I had to use relaxation and hipnosis videos. This happened to me before when my Mother got sick and eventually died. It was like i was overtaken by rage when I was near her. I had to ask a friend to come and stay for a while in order to shift the dynamic of the system. Nothing else I tried worked. Then, as now, I was mostly able to contain the feeling and not act it out, but I got physically very exhausted. I have known for a while that this feeling of Anger, rage, frustation, in my case, serves the purpose of helping me not to feel the sadness and sense of lost that is underneath and also the fear of emptiness of what my life will be like when the person, I am seeing as my most important referential, is not there. I remember that when my Mother died i transfer my dependency on her to my husband. Now i dont have anyone else to transfer it to of NOR DO I WANT TO Do that. I transfer this very important Referential to myself. to the earth of which I am part, to us human beings in general, to the sun and solar system, to the unknown, to the Emptiness from which all forms and creation arise. .i know that some friends are there for me, but I don't want to make them into my Life and welbeing referentials, into my sense of belonging and connection and reason and purpose for being alive. I am starting to recognize that i have and abstract part of me and so does my husband, and so do we all and everything in this existential level. That part does not die, that we are here for a purpose, and that we are learning to love, and that this situation is helping me to do that, and that my doing that helps others to do the same. I can realize how much this experience is helping me to fulfil my purpose, which is not only to want to love, but to do it when it really counts..in situations so challeging that it is easier to hate... I have only being able to feel like this by accompanying and observing myself from a a place that is outside the 'conflict' that I am living. It was very interesting to realize that when observing I was originally doing it as from within the conflict. In other words, observing my husband as the 'conflict'. Taking a third person position, observing from a Logical space outside the conflict, I realize needed me to observe us both in our interaction and in relation to our wider context. Anyway, this has helped me. As it has to allow myself to feel that I am losing him day by day, that i am in a grieving process day by day...and that is OK. That grieving is something I can do and continúe to function as well as to enjoy lovely moments in our lifes that are also there. I have always being terrified of grieving. My oldest brother died when i was 6 months old and my mother went into a deep depresion and my father went crazy for a while and I was left with an aunt who mistreated me. So i guess i learned early that grieving is Life threathening. And this experience now, is teaching me to challenge that belief, that way of relating to life that tries to excludes a great chunk of human experience ...grieving. By giving it space, by allowing grieving again, I am learning to be softer, to open my heart which, in turn, provides me with a clearer mind and a more efficient way of responding openly and usefully to all these new, and at times, very challenging moments. Because of his illness, my husband is also able now to enjoy music and play around much more. And when I am more at peace in myself, when i have more space within me as I allow my grief a space in my life...i can see how much he tries to help and support me. At times he has reminded me that he loves me, that he has always love me... As I write this very long comments, some of it feels and sounds very crazy...but what helps me the most is to feels that this illness, this Journey together is just another way of learning to accept being humans and to grow and to develop as beings part of this Earth... When I am able to open my perspective, I can also see how, even the craziest of experiences have meaning and purpose for a greater whole. Anyway, thank you for being there, and for your videos, and thank you to all of you who share your experiences. I have try to be as open with mine as possible, in the hope that others will feel that you are not alone if you are also feeling a bit crazy and desperate at times...and to trust in the richness and support that Life provides us with even when sometimes we need time and space to see it, to feel it, to assume and accept the reality that we are living for a greater purpose. Writing about it has also help me to give some meaning and coherance to my present Journey. So thank you.

@stacieboucher1570

Жыл бұрын

Jesus loves you too. Your not alone. The Creator of the universe, God Almighty is with you wherever you go. Bless your journey. Thanks for sharing. I hate grieving, and still am. It is life threatening. Have to be to darn stubborn to give up. It’s something we get thru, not over.Aloha ❤

Hi I'm a new caregiver to a very close relative who has middle stage dementia...so I'd like to know why they obsessed about the number 1s and number 2's and usually come away soiled sometimes...Can you help by answering this via one of your excellent and informative videos..Thankyou..😁

This video succeeded in making me feel worse. Thanks for that.

This was me. My husband has always a calm peaceful person. I thought he was doing things on purpose until I accepted the fact it was dementia & not him as he used to be.

I think your videos are very helpful. I do not think my loved one is doing it on purpose and I'm also relatively new to taking care of her, about a year now. Sometimes I feel like we have a routine down and she understands what she has to do and then it's disrupted again. I become irritable sometimes, even though I know she's not doing it on purpose. I have to remember the point about not seeing the injury but its there point you made with the analogy to seeing someone with a broken arm. If there are any other points or tips I will be grateful.

Im so fed up fighting with my father in law who lives with us...its a constant battle to get him in the shower in a timely manner prior to a doctors appointment. Cleanliness is critical with him so much so he ended up constantly picking the skin of his left arm to the point of cellulitis...I cant get him off the computer to clean up....he spends 12-14 hours a day watching youtube videos and reading comments, as hard as we try I can not get him motivated to move at all. I literally had to unplug the computer to get him off the damn chair to clean up after 3 days without a shower. Do combative seniors end up in a care home for theirs and our safety?

@pennypenny2588

3 жыл бұрын

That has to be very hard. It has been 2 months. Were you able to come up with a way to motivate him to shower? Any updates?

My mom passed away in 2017 of Dementia / Alzheimer’s I missed a lot to care for mom but she would of done it for me R.I.L. Mom Dorothy

@DementiaCareblazers

5 жыл бұрын

Rest in peace, Dorothy. I'm glad you were able to care for her. 💕

@tiffanylewis1499

5 жыл бұрын

Careblazers: dementia care heroes yes mam thank you I wouldn’t of done no different

Thank you for sharing your insights. I am a caregiver for my wife of 40 years who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s late in 2023, but I had been journaling my observations of the changes she was exhibiting since 2015. She is in mid-stages of the disease but is no longer the person I have known my whole life, and I am grieving that loss. Have you addressed managing this type of loss in your program? Can you recommend resources pertinent to grieving the loss of someone with whom one still shares your life and home? Thanks.

I am really struggling with this. My mother is in a nursing home, so I dont have the physical caregiving tasks, but I talk to her every day and visit her about 3 times a week. Given that, I shouldnt be so angry with her, but what happens is i get really frustrated and then angry at myself for being frustrated. I cant remember the last time we had a pleasant visit or conversation. I try to remind myself that she cant help her behavior, but shes constantly irritated with me for something and I cant take it most days anymore. Besides these videos, do you have any suggestions or resources that can help me?

I have been doing this 13 years...and I use redirect...you kind of learn it on the fly...when the are not responding to you or listening...I pivot and go back it in...do I still have frustrations. Yes..but It helps me and the situation...If I can find humor..and share it..it helps...

These are all excellent tips for caregivers. Although, I do have one major frustration. My mom has been exhibiting symptoms of Dementai/Alzheimers (anger, violence, verbally and mentally abusive, she doesn't take care of her hygiene or herself even though she's diabetic), but she refuses to get tested. She refuses to allow me to speak at all. Every time I try to talk with her, she screams "Shut UP! Go to Hell!"...every single time. The last time I tried to talk to her, she got up out of her chair and began beating on me. I had to call the police on her. They documented the bleeding scratches she left on my right hand. But since mom was so nice to the cop, he said he didn't think she was a threat and left....even though she had scratched me so hard she drew blood. No one (not the cops, not Adult Protective Services, not her doctor) will help because she doesn't have a diagnosis. How should I approach this if there's no diagnosis but she has many of the symptoms? Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

@rhondahg5865

6 ай бұрын

@ellensunden2778 Get a 2nd opinion

I pulled the following from something I was reading. So, when she rose in the morning!sometimes soul weary and emotionally exhausted, she would close her eyes, dig deep and stoke the fiery strength of her spirit. So, when she rose in the morning, sometimes soul weary and emotionally exhausted, she would lose her eyes, dig deep and stoke the fiery strength of her spirit.

Watching these videos to calm down. I feel like I'm trying to talk to a toddler when i talk to mum, i can't explain it any other way, i feel bad for her, but it's like i can't do anything.

It's really hard when you have so many of your own errands to do. So much of my own life and household is now neglected because I'm having to cook and serve and dress and direct to the bathroom etc.

I know there are times when my mom does not know what she's doing. But I also know there are times when she is deliberately trying to upset me. Here's how it helps me (and my mom) to know the difference (and respond accordingly): My mom may have dementia, but that doesn't mean she's now sub-human. She's still a person, and every human being inherently understands that they're not perfect. So if I were to suddenly give my mom a pass on all her bad behavior -- just because she has dementia -- she would resent me for DISRESPECTING her as a human being. No one enjoys being treated like a freak. Also, eliminating all boundaries would make her feel like she is in the driver's seat, which would only scare her. She needs to feel safe and secure. And if that's wrong, then don't wake me up -- unlike so many other people out there, I've never ONCE had an issue with my mom being violent or out-of-control. Maybe the reason there's so much violence associated with dementia is because everyone encourages caregivers to let their loved ones run amok, when all they really want is to know where your lines are.

@zdarovful

4 жыл бұрын

ZZ Stop , really interesting, thanks for posting.

@zdarovful

4 жыл бұрын

This is interesting, thanks for posting.

@trishgreen2892

2 жыл бұрын

Great comment, thank you.

❤ we're in fight everyday because the struggle and your life is dangerous of your health

How do you deal with facilities that are or have stolen from the patient?

What I would like information on is how to go ABOUT finding homes, assisted care, state assistance. If I could somehow even offset the cost, between her SS, state, and what we could pitch in, anything. Anything. .

I am the angry caregiver poster boy! Mostly frustration. I can tell when she's just resisting, and ( more usually) just baffled by the universe.