I hope you all enjoyed this one and let me know if you want to see more videos like this! This one was a real challenge for me but i think it turned out pretty well. Thanks for your support MuFKR!

@rachnaruchi8138

Жыл бұрын

MuFKR 😱

@robinps52

Жыл бұрын

It turned out very well. Gut-wrenching.

@melodychanribis-roy4227

Жыл бұрын

There sure are advantages to being a pediatric surgeon, I never hear things as shocking as this. Truthfully, I would have walked away and let him die alone. Some ppl deserve to be punished for their actions. And any person who hurts a child like that man did deserves a jumpstart on his trip to hell. IMHO

@lindatorres9361

Жыл бұрын

Please do more of this thank you

@melodychanribis-roy4227

Жыл бұрын

It was about as real as you could get, and you did great. I'm not sure if my heart could handle the pain this one caused, but keep it up.😊

I just realized something else. Austin is so pure hearted that he chooses to protect Rich from having to carry the burden of what kind of monster this man is.

@susanl8070

Жыл бұрын

I agree. Also, managing intense feelings can hinder adequate care to all patients, much less the pt who did heinous things. Might as well keep it to oneself until pt dies.

@samwinchester9362

Жыл бұрын

Genuinely! I hope that Austin has someone to talk to about the fallout from this, bc man that's a heavy burden to carry.

@eh1702

Жыл бұрын

Well yeah, but if Austin doesn’t say something to Rich, it might mean Rich continuing to pressure the man’s other victims and coming off kinda judgy on the phone. I guess Austin could find some way of saying to Rich, “He knows they have reasons. Just notify them and leave it at that.”

@tillettman

Жыл бұрын

It’s also not Rich’s business to know that the man’s children were molested by their father. Rich has spoken to the adult children on the phone several times already and they chose not to say anything about it to him. It’s up to them if they want anyone to know.

@tufui_egoeris

Жыл бұрын

I hope Austin can tell somebody about it. That’s a heavy burden to carry alone. And then to bag up their shit after they die and have that weighing on you… ugh

To all nurses and carers who don't force a reconciliation with family when your patients is on their death bed, thank you.

@pisces2569

Жыл бұрын

Oh god that would be so unprofessional if they did

@Luubelaar

Жыл бұрын

​@@pisces2569 there's plenty who do, having no idea why the family wants nothing to do with the patient.

@JAB1979

Жыл бұрын

My mother is currently in a nursing home, and she is only 69. I have explained to the nurses and staff hundreds of times that I want no contact. I get calls AT LEAST once a week from someone who "forgot."

@melissaw-nod6796

Жыл бұрын

​@@JAB1979 that sounds hard. It's none of their business why you want no contact but when they keep calling it's hard not to say "This, this is why..." and hope that will stop the calls.

@LUVN4GIV

Жыл бұрын

I can relate as well. I don't feel sorry for my abusers who never showed true remorse.

It was so satisfying seeing Austin, who is a very kind, compassionate, and understanding person say no to that creep

@cybremystica93

10 ай бұрын

I wish Austin had told his colleague what he heard….even if it breached confidentiality or something

@SpidermanFan92

9 ай бұрын

@@cybremystica93 Austin didn't say anything to Rich because doing so would only upset RIch even more.

@starlingdio6039

9 ай бұрын

​@@SpidermanFan92The type of people that are Rich will learn eventually I hope.

@junbh2

9 ай бұрын

​@@SpidermanFan92I just kind of wish he said something to get Rich to stop calling the children and pressuring them to come. Even if he didn't tell him the whole story.

@EmmyFluff

7 ай бұрын

Yes, and a big difference between being kind and being "nice" is honesty. I really like that he's not saying it in a way to make to make the patient feel bad, but he's not trying to lie to make him feel better either. Austin just remains compassionate and authentic because that's who he is.

I'm a retired RN and I can really relate. I had an elderly male patient who was divorced & had 4 adult daughters. He never had visitors and I often wondered why but never had time to completely read chart. Finally I had a chance when I was working one night to read chart with social service referral . I was shocked! Mr. S . was physically abusive to his wife & kids To top it all off he sexually molested his daughters for many many years. I finally understood why they didn't visit him. There is always a reason.

@ElizabethWilliamsBushey

9 ай бұрын

Mmm… not always. Sometimes there’s victim blaming- so you never know. On the other hand, i can’t imagine it ever really helps to bring people together in that sort of crisis. Sounds like that take time.

@TheExtremeIRON

9 ай бұрын

Not always, there are plenty of children who are simply selfish and ungrateful.

@dwlsn93

9 ай бұрын

There’s always a reason & the victims shouldn’t be blamed 😢

@Enigma_surf13

9 ай бұрын

I'm going to become a CNA and i often think about this. my husband has also suffered abuse from his parents and i know he wouldn't visit them in a nursing home. as a nurse, how do you make yourself give good care after knowing how some people treated their families?

@nedraleggett6837

8 ай бұрын

So very sad😢.

As a survivor of parental abuse (luckily not of the sexual variety), I felt this one in my soul and I can't express enough how validating and comforting it was to hear Austin say "no" to the old man. People don't realize that most adult children don't cut off their parents out of laziness or ingratitude, for many of us it's a matter of self-preservation. There's already so much pressure on us to reconnect with our parents and forgive them, especially if they're older or their health is declining, but doing so would take a huge toll on our own mental and physical health. Not to mention that many of us have already experienced so much gaslighting, guilttripping and blameshifting that a reconciliation would further invalidate our pain and trauma.

@vee1267

Жыл бұрын

Exactly! The attachment children feel towards their parents is biologically hardwired, BUT… that means it takes A LOT of fear and pain to override those instincts and replace that love with hate or indifference.

@jillmac2000

Жыл бұрын

This. If gaslighting was actual gas, I'd have a full tank for life

@maryannlockwood7806

Жыл бұрын

Same. when I’ve said that I loved my mom, but I didn’t necessary like her I’ve had people give me strange looks. But some people understand.

@ohmygodyouknowwhatweshould2496

Жыл бұрын

I knew there had to be some sort of abuse or neglect when the guy said the kids dropped him in a nursing home and never came to visit. That doesn't come out of nowhere.

@tayannaharris

Жыл бұрын

​@@maryannlockwood7806 yeah, I totally understand. What angers me the most is the last two years of Mother's life was the best I've had with her. And she too, like that old guy had NO ONE come visit or call her. She had moderate dementia when she passed and that person was a doll and so genuine. I'm trying not to let that make me feel guilty of how I felt, but I absolutely enjoyed the two years. Those two years made up for the 45 evil years prior. Even her spirit being is incredible. She got me away from a covid situationship and I believe she guided me to a possible electrical fire. But all in all, because of her person, no one was there for her including my sister who had her only grandchild. 🤭 But as a payback, I buried her next to her mom. She always said she didn't want to be buried there. We live in MI, her home is DC. So, yeah, she's in DC with her mother. They had a beautiful relationship so I'm sure she's fine.

I never felt so relieved than when Austin said “No” like that. I have struggled with my religious mother and sister about forgiving a family member for the same thing, which I refuse to do. I feel like I have been seen and accepted now, so thank you from my whole heart.

@momentsformoms9467

Жыл бұрын

I have many people to forgive as well and it’s hard. I honestly don’t want to but God doesn’t forgive us of our sins if we don’t truly forgive others. I really don’t think it’s fair to put that on us humans but it’s something I’m trying to work through,I’ve spent almost it not all of my life in hell I’m not going to let these people be the reason I end up in the real one.

@tgbluewolf

Жыл бұрын

I thought he was going to say "I don't know" for that as well, but I can understand "no".

@edennis8578

Жыл бұрын

​@@momentsformoms9467 Jesus said that before he made the ultimate sacrifice for our sins. So remember, it's different now. He paid the price and we are free. Also, he said that even God doesn't forgive unless the person #1. asks for forgiveness and #2. repents: is truly sorry and **doesn't do it again!** If someone is truly repentent and changes their ways, I can forgive, at least after some years have gone by. If not, then I'm not going to worry about it. I've known people to forgive before the other person has repented, and they suffered for it and in my brother's case, his wife and daughter suffered for it.

@rosarodriguezarguijo93

Жыл бұрын

@@momentsformoms9467I mean, if you’re truly repentant about something and ask God for forgiveness, he will forgive you. All He says is to not be a hypocrite, to turn to him and be more like him. Now, does he want us to forgive? Yes. Is it hard sometimes? Yes. But also, when you say it’s unfair to ask that of us who are humans, truthfully speaking, we don’t deserve Gods grace but he’s still willing to forgive us. But forgiveness is also good. It’s a way to heal. And I’m of the opinion, just because you’ve forgiven a person, doesn’t mean you have to interact with that person.

@iyaayas

Жыл бұрын

@@rosarodriguezarguijo93 Thank you for your last line. Forgiveness does not mean trust or the relationship can be restored. Forgiveness is for the sake of the forgiver to let the forgiver move on and refuse to let the past make the future worse and strive to make it much better than it would be without forgiving. I also want to add, when I forgive someone, it isn't for my sake. If my morals were up to me and I was acting in selfishness, I would have killed the persons in my life that this old man represents long before he got to his death bed. I forgive because Jesus commands it and I trust Him and His judgment.

So happy to see you doing such a taboo subject. Just because someone is dying doesn't make abuse right.

@aleks_ivanov

5 ай бұрын

​@ChristBearerFlameHeartHe said he still like it

@SingingSealRiana

4 ай бұрын

​@ChristBearerFlameHeartsoooo, you expect an abused child to retraumatise themselfs for the Sake of their abuser?! Having someone listen and burden themselfs with that knowlage IS all you can expect at that Point. The abuser dying does Not gove them a right to Hurt their victims yet again!!! Retraumatising someone does nothing to Help someone won their mistaken, IT only serves them for a very short time while they already stole so much time from their victim

@makslesniewski

2 ай бұрын

@@aleks_ivanov You can feel guilty about things that feel good to you.

For anyone that relates to this video and needs to hear it: You are *never* obligated to forgive someone that has harmed you, and don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise.

@LaCeiba1924

9 ай бұрын

Yup, you can heal and move on just fine without actually forgiving. Healing is internal and about the things you feel and what you have power over. Forgiveness is external because it’s about the other person. In practice, things can get really muddled too, so when someone tells you to forgive another person so you’ll feel better, it’s really not that simple. It’s not fair to reduce it to that. I understand why this one person in my life did the things they did, and I appreciate the work they’ve done to become a better person. We’ve fixed our relationship and are happy, but I don’t think I’ll ever forgive them because I can’t condone what they did. I can’t say, “oh, it’s ok”, because it literally wasn’t ok. But I appreciate the hell out of them for becoming a better person and tell them so often. It’s complicated. But I’m in a good place, and that’s what matters.

@thehomelesshebrews

9 ай бұрын

The goal of healing should be to one day forgive. Forgiving isn't letting them off the hook. Forgiveness is taking ourselves off, that way those things never hurt us again. Unforgiveness keeps us a prisoner to the pain. We don't have to hang out with these people. That's not what forgiveness is. We release their power over us when we forgive. I was raised by a Covert Narcissistic "mother"; abandoned by my "dad", who started a new family; sexually abused by relatives; physically/mentally abused by my first covenant husband; raised in an EXTREMELY DYSFUNCTIONAL HOUSEHOLD. I am now homeless/living in a minivan/sleeping at a gas station every night. It is ok to feel angry, hurt, sad/depressed, etc...BUT IT IS NOT OK TO HATE. HATE IS THE SAME AS MURDER in the eyes of the CREATOR. I don't HATE anyone. I could not control what happened to me as a child. But I can control who I surround myself with now. I am trying to FORGIVE. THAT IS THE GOAL/LEADS TO RECOVERY.

@littlewillowhomestead113

9 ай бұрын

I was sexually abused and yes we do need to work toward forgiveness.. it’s not the same as forgetting and by forgiving we are stepping aside and letting God be the judge and jury.. it’s a freeing Feeling to forgive.. unforgiveness keeps us in bondage..

@DangerHob

9 ай бұрын

​@@thehomelesshebrews Using the word "forgiveness" is part of the issue, a lot of people define forgiveness as having an aspect of graciousness or acceptance. No one should have to accept, or give grace to someone that hurt them. Healing self blame and victim culpability mindset is the only option for some people/situations and being told to "forgive" their abuser can actually resurface very serious traumas. Even when we have the best of intentions. Just something to keep in mind. ❤

@erikh9991

9 ай бұрын

My friend's relatives are creeps and he has not seen any of them in 15 years. 5 years ago his grandmother sent him a letter saying she was offended and the only excuse he had was if he was physically harmed. Gulp!

When the nurse caring for my biological grandfather got ahold of my mom to tell her he was dying and berated her for not coming to be with her dying father, she replied with a cool "I haven't seen that man since he abandoned me and my mother when I was eight years old. Tell him I'm going to get milk." And hung up.

@zelpazz

Жыл бұрын

Damn that's savage, love ur mom!

@mayamartin7359

Жыл бұрын

@@zelpazz the grandfather is the savage one but I see your point ❤️

@JackieOwl94

Жыл бұрын

Damn. Good on the mom.

@chrisholzhauer3698

Жыл бұрын

Well done mom! Good for her for standing up for herself and your grandmother.

@jimm6810

Жыл бұрын

I have been shocked to learn similar things. Hard to know how to react. Austin had it right.

As a victim thats been pressured for decades to "make amends" with my abuser by unwittingly well intended relatives; I thank you for making this video.

@chilogutierrez8760

Жыл бұрын

Well you don’t have to talk to anyone. But you should forgive in your heart at least. We are all human we are all sinners…. No sin is greater in the eyes of god. We are all equally disgusting in the eyes of god when it comes to sin

@MM-jf1me

Жыл бұрын

​@@chilogutierrez8760Nope, nope, nope. Judge not lest ye be judged and get out of here with that BS. I'll agree with you that God can judge us however he pleases, but in my pitiful human eyes, people who sexually abuse children will always and forever be more disgusting than their innocent victims. I can't believe you have the nerve to talk to a stranger like you have here unless you truly just haven't taken the time to think through how your comment comes across. I hope for your own sake that you had a lapse in judgement when you made your comment, but if not and you really thought it through, it's OK because you're only as disgusting as a pedophile in God's eyes since you're a fellow sinner, too, right? Lord forgive me for judging you and your uncompassionate heart as much as he forgives you for judging a victim of childhood sexual abuse. To the OP: I don't know you or your heart. It's none of mine or anyone else's business whether you've forgiven your POS abuser. Some people find peace in forgiving their abusers -- I don't want my comment to imply that I think that's necessarily wrong. Whatever and however healing and peace looks like for you, I hope you've found it or are finding it. Best wishes from an internet stranger.

@yeshuaislord6880

Жыл бұрын

@@chilogutierrez8760 Ultimately, it's between God and man. We can't quite say if someone should should forgive. We know they need to. But we should avoid making it sound easy

@Trammiliin_nr2

Жыл бұрын

@@chilogutierrez8760 who are you to tell what other people should or should not do in their heart?

@Isabella-mc9mr

11 ай бұрын

@@chilogutierrez8760 STFU shit like that should never be forgiven

I worked in a nursing home where we had a delightful man, "Joe". He had 3 daughters who never visited or came for meetings about his care. After about 6 months we finally got one daughter on a conference call. She said he had physically, emotionally, and s3xually abused her and her sisters all their lives. If he needed anything, call her, leave a message, and the money would be sent. Otherwise, she didn't want to be contacted. There was a long silence in the room after the call ended. None of us ever told the rest of the staff, but we never forgot it. I now use this as a teaching experience when my staff talk about how terrible it is that some people don't have visitors. I also have so much respect for that woman to care for her parent when he was such a rotten human.

Even though my parents abused me in different ways, the SA came from my older brother… nobody did anything about it (as if it just never happened) so I’m made out to be the one who looks like the bad guy avoiding family. They’ve depended on me so much as a child but now I’m just done with the burden and guilt I felt having to take care of my two younger siblings. This is an old video so this will be lost in the comments but thanks for reading my story if you are ❤

@JWildberry

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad you're safe now! Anyone who thinks you're the bad guy for setting boundaries and protecting yourself from abusers are not worth listening to. Protect yourself so that you can share your love and your light with people who deserve it: the people (and pets!) you choose to bring into your life.

@cj8527

11 ай бұрын

You've probably forgotten about this comment. But I wanted to tell you that you deserve happiness and love and you don't need to get it from family if it's conditional. I hope you already know this, but sometimes it's good to be reminded that this fact doesn't make you a bad person. I hope you're well and I don't know you, but I'm sending you love. (don't really know why I felt the need to write this)

@heavenlycrow3961

11 ай бұрын

I hope you are in a better place.

@RememberWhat371

11 ай бұрын

I am a sex abused survivor. My brother mulisted me me starting at the age of 2. He tried to rape me when I was 16. NO!!!! Do not feel guilty for any reason. Life is to short. You are not alone. Take care of you. ❤ 🤗 peace

@jx1659

10 ай бұрын

I''m sorry that happened to you, and kept happening. You are an amazing, strong and empathetic person. Keep healing and wrap yourself with love and positivity - you deserve it. 💌❤

I went to visit my abusive father on his deathbed, hoping for closure. I hadn't seen him for 19 years at at that point. But all he did was blame my mum for his own actions. I should never have gone. He'd put me down as next of kin. After I saw him, I explained to the wonderful nurses the truth about the past, and they removed me as next of kin. Otherwise I would have been liable for funeral arrangements and costs etc. This was in 2001. I'm grateful for the nurses for doing that. They were great.

@angelicsiren11

Жыл бұрын

I, too, went to see my birth father the week before he died. I hadn’t seen him for 30 years. I didn’t do it for him. I did it for me. He didn’t deserve to spend any time with me. However, I needed that closure and time to show me what I already knew, but still needed to see in person. It was the hardest, yet, most cathartic thing I had ever done. I went back a week later for the funeral, just to make sure he was really dead. I can’t tell you the relief I had when I knew he was no longer a threat.

@annme_87

Жыл бұрын

If you hadn't gone you may have spent years wondering if you'd robbed yourself of closure after it was too late. I'm sorry that happened, but at least you don't have to wonder if you could have found closure.

@poodlegirl56

Жыл бұрын

Must be related to my father Grieve and move on.

@WelshGingerCat

Жыл бұрын

Thank you all for your kind comments. I am so sorry you've had to go through what your parents have put you through. Please never forget that you are all amazing. Sending you all lots of love. Xxx

@PeachesDreemurr

Жыл бұрын

My mother visited her abuser on his death bed, and so did my uncles. I don't understand why. He was a monster.

Not nearly as serious but since we're talking deathbed confessions: when my great grandfather was dying, he revealed that he had another sister. This was a complete secret, nobody in the family had ever known that she existed, she was never mentioned. Wasn't even listed in her parents obituaries. The family had completely disowned her when she was 19 for having an affair with her older sister's husband, causing a divorce (quite a scandal in a small town in the 1930s). My great grandpa hadn't seen or heard or even spoken about this sister for 60 years, but he gave us her name and asked us to track her down, apologize for him, and ask her to come to his funeral. She came.

@8dreamersfarm

11 ай бұрын

Sounds like she needed that!

@zhenyinghe7152

11 ай бұрын

That’s so sweet 🥹

@cheeyang3210

11 ай бұрын

Wow..grateful that she came but sad that it had to take a death for everyone to come together ... nice story

@koellekind

11 ай бұрын

Aww!

@jennifersilves4195

10 ай бұрын

She slept with her sister's husband. There is nothing sweet in there.

I relate to Austin a lot here. I worked in healthcare for years and nothing ever phased me, I played the missing son for a confused patient, I increased the pitch of my voice to make it sound like a long lost daughter when it helped make things easier for patients when their times came. But it was during Covid when things got bad at the beginning that this experience had happened. I had built up a rapport over the course of a few weeks with this old man, he was hilarious, witty and seemed like a kind hearted soul. So he’d taken a turn after contracting Covid and had quickly reached the end. I’m inside the room with him and a nurse when he had said he was scared and asked us to hold his hand while he goes but before he goes, he needs to get something off his chest. What followed next was captured in this video, the only difference being I just about made it to an open bin before I vomited. Out of all of the things I expected him to say, this wasn’t was one of them.

@SunnyHappyPiglet

9 ай бұрын

*fazed

@saanasalonen8684

9 ай бұрын

jeez! i would have vomited too!

@alexkx8599

8 ай бұрын

What decade do you think this abuse happened out of curiosity? I'm trying to gage some things (if even possible) concerning our society.

@tracyroweauthor

8 ай бұрын

@@alexkx8599 do you think this is generational? Abuse like this has happened since humans existed and will continue until we die off

@Vikki.ledge987

7 ай бұрын

​@alexkx8599 Honestly, I don't think we'll ever understand what goes on in their minds. It just, IS. 😢 And it remains far more prevelant than we'll ever know. However, it's probably a good thing to try to understand what's going on because, you never know, someone just might find an answer. Maybe. I hope. ♥️♥️♥️♥️

I’m a csa survivor and I’m really glad this didn’t portray the dying man as the victim. What’s a moment of pleasure for them is a lifetime of pain for us survivors.

@alexkx8599

8 ай бұрын

How old are you?

@alexkx8599

8 ай бұрын

@GypsyLil I'm trying to gage what decade people responding concerning this had these issues. If there were a point in time in the last let's say 50-55 years that increased all of this. It was made very clear to me that society and civilization collapsed in the late 1960's (though on a side note 2020 was much worse) and am trying to see if I and anyone else believe that there were certain cultural events (or what ever things might have happened) that brought these things to be. So why are people NOT asking these questions. Don't people care instead of acting like they discovering something surprising every time these things happen?

@Isometrix116

8 ай бұрын

@@alexkx8599Looking at history: No. Not just no, but hell no. People have always done this sort of thing. There have always been these types of evil people. The difference today, largely, is that because we give a shit about mental health and helping people heal from trauma rather than just telling them to “Deal with it” or pressuring them to forgive their abusers. This is an improvement. Not a failure. Not a collapse. It’s society realizing what has always been there.

@lunaeclipse7717

8 ай бұрын

@@alexkx8599if youre after an actual like statistic gathering- you should probably set up some kind of survey! Lets people give information without needing to attach it to accounts and such

@karinsch3347

8 ай бұрын

You can go way back to find the same stories. Girls who had to leave the village because they had been "dishonoured" for example, it just wasn't called rape, fathers who had "gotten of the line" and so on. Lefthanded people also increased during the 70's - not because there were more left handed people, but because they would get hit when they used teir left hand to write. @@alexkx8599

I was raised in foster care since I was 4 years old due to the complete rainbow of abuse. At 18, I asked my mother what she would change if she could go back and do it all over again. She said she wouldn't have changed anything. She's now suffering from dementia, disabilities, and diabetes in her mid 70s and lives in a nursing home. I don't visit. It's hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit their fault. But I do get tired of the people who say, "But she's your mother!" I have no memory of her mothering me, only hurting and demoralizing me. This is just one area of my life where I'll never have perfect peace. I just focus on the blessings I have been given with my husband of 29 years, our 6 kids and 5 grandkids and I thank the Lord that the chain has been broken.

@MelissaBlue

Жыл бұрын

My father told my younger sister the same thing about not changing anything or regretting what he's done in his life. My sister is low contact with him compared to my no contact. Compared to many, we were lucky in that it was not physical, but longterm emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse. My sister sharing that with me helped me put to rest the niggling hope that maybe someday there's a chance of reconciliation, as he was a good dad until my stepmother came along and brought out the most toxic aspects of him permanently. I've been permanently estranged from him for over 2 decades and I'm much better off for it.

@lynrossi8409

Жыл бұрын

@@MelissaBlue Always remember the best parts and try not to revisit the painful parts. Sometimes it hurts too much to stare at the rearview mirror, so keep your focus on the future and make it what you want it to be. We're not alone in this kind of suffering, but we can choose to stop suffering and embrace life on our terms. 🙏🙏🙏

@lynrossi8409

Жыл бұрын

@joanarc7963 I'm still being refined. Definitely a work in progress.

@keliejsturg

Жыл бұрын

My mom abandoned me after she finally got of an abusive relationship when I was 9. I am 57 and if I had a penny for every person, especially her telling me to let it go, forgive, etc. I would be a millionaire!!! It is not just the scars of being abandoned, it’s the trying to return to your life like nothing happened and trying to make up for lost years as a mom! Even today, she just can’t understand why I don’t talk to her about my daily life things, duh, because maybe when I needed a mother to talk to about life issues she wasn’t there so GOD gave me the answers and guidance to become a self-sufficient human being to live life with a purpose!!!

@lynrossi8409

Жыл бұрын

@@keliejsturg I find it easier to stay ultra low or no contact. I am a whole person when I'm away from her. If I get too close to her or her issues, I feel myself reverting to the shy girl of my youth who begged for morsels of love and validation. I don't have the energy for rebuilding every time she knocks me down and my husband, children, and grandchildren deserve the whole me. They are my present and future. Even though my mother is still alive, she's my past. It's best to leave her there.

I had a daughter come to me once in tears because she and her husband were in disagreement about whether her sick, elderly mother should come live with them. He said no. She said yes. I asked why he said no and she confided that her mother was abusive to her and she was afraid her mother would turn her household upside down. She just felt obligated. I told her what I told similar adult kids. I think you can be responsible by making sure your parent is where they can get the care that they need, but that doesn’t mean that you must put yourself in a position to be abused again. I just watched as all of the guilt and tension left her face and body. It gave her the power to make the right decisions that her mom never did.

@mischarowe

Жыл бұрын

That's amazing. As someone who's had to say "no" so many times, I thank you for helping her like that.

@elizabethgross013

Жыл бұрын

I kind of needed to hear this exactly today. Thank you.

@KarenAlexandrite-aka-PinkRose

Жыл бұрын

Bless you, Julia! 🩷

@MeepMeep88

Жыл бұрын

Yea ok but now the husband is pissed that she listened to you instead of her own husband LOL

@MM-jf1me

Жыл бұрын

​@@MeepMeep88Nah, he's just glad his wife came around to his way of thinking. Sometimes we're too close to a situation and it's easiest for a third party to remind us of things like, "You don't have to set yourself on fire to keep your mama warm, especially when you can outsource her heating to professionals who won't get burned."

This might be the closest I'll ever get to closure, my family cast me out when I came forward. They all took his side. Thank you.

@kristenlevine3446

Жыл бұрын

It happened to me with a horrible, evil relative. I’m sorry that you went through that abuse, and that your family wasn’t supportive. I believe you completely, and I support you. Stay safe and I hope that your life is good going forward.

@Blaque_Dahlya

9 ай бұрын

I'm sorry, and I hope you were able to build a new family of your own. Family doesn't end in blood.

@skye-and-clouds

9 ай бұрын

i am so sorry.

@officermeyer

9 ай бұрын

I am so very sorry for this happening to you and it's absolutely disgusting that they did that smh

@officermeyer

9 ай бұрын

I am so very sorry for this happening to you and it's absolutely disgusting that they did that smh

I worked in a nursing home, and I was shocked by some of the things the residents told me about their lives when they were younger. This one sweet lady told me about the abuse her husband inflicted on her. Her son found her badly beaten and tied to her bed naked when he was just a child. Another lady, everyone thought she was a mean old bitch. She didn't take anyone's shit, that much I can verify... But the other residents were afraid of her, and even the staff would avoid having to work with her. For some reason she loved me. I was the only one she was nice to. She told me about how she taught her best friend how to drive, and her best friend ended up running off with her husband. When you work with the elderly, sometimes it's easy to forget that they were once young too, and that they're not all innocent. They're regular people, and some are bad people. I miss working in healthcare.

The shock I got in my eyes the same way Austin did when he confessed about what he did. I was not expecting that.

@Hawkeyemedia340

Жыл бұрын

i know right

@tmf1586

Жыл бұрын

This is one reason it's important to try and be understanding when people are estranged from family members. It's our natural inclination to remain connected to our families so for most people there is a reason why they would choose to detach. It's not always just some ungrateful spoiled child/grandchild issue.

@WaiferThyme

Жыл бұрын

Totally off topic but how did you get the pretty deco for your name.!

@thewhitewolf58

Жыл бұрын

​@@tmf1586i cant stand my mother because shes disabled but milked the fuck out of it while spending her days on facebook pretending to be mother of the year. Best part is that when her new boyfriend came she went from barely able to walk and living on the couch to attempting to be an actual mom that cooked meals and cleaned the house and went out on dates with him. I still wonder who the fuck that woman is and wanted her to replace my bitchy always screaming mother.

@alixander3129

Жыл бұрын

Is it sad that I had a gut feeling he abused them before he even started talking?

As someone who struggles with CPTSD because of this kind of abuse and stayed away during a parental death, I deeply appreciate how this was done. I've had decades of people telling me to forgive for the sake of family peace, but no one seems to care about the severe trauma I'm still trying to recover from over 30 years after escaping it.

@PortalJay

Жыл бұрын

I've gone through the same... also from my father

@AustinLEN

Жыл бұрын

I'm so sorry you guys❤ You both deserve love a safety and always did. Nothing that happened was your fault. 😢

@damnprivacy3579

Жыл бұрын

You don't have to forgive. Period. ✌🙏

@scoobydoo_forever

Жыл бұрын

RIGHT I understand this. My grandmother has tried to force family peace because my mother still my mother. Dismissing everything that she's ever done and never believing my side of the story. Even though there was not only my side but my dad's if we had the same stories of abuse done to us by my mother. Now I'm just considering whether or not going no contact. I've made my amends. I know I'm good with God. I attempted to fix the relationship but It just doesn't feel right.

@randomvielleuse527

Жыл бұрын

@@scoobydoo_forever You never need to do anything like this unless you completely choose for yourself. If it's not right, do not do it. All my sympathies.

My mother was an aged care and palliative care nurse for many years. She's literally had dementia patients murder their roommates, heard confessions of all sorts of crimes, and goodness knows what else. Honestly, I can't fathom the emotional resilience needed to do a job like that. Mad respect.

Children naturally love their parents. Whenever I hear about an elderly person, whose children won’t ever see them, I always suspect that something has happened many many times in the household. And people just think that the kids are selfish.

Austin was there and fought for the children on their father's death bed. The fact he said he would not forgive him was a kind gesture for the children.

@aanchal-annaleedeprince5525

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@alysononoahu8702

Жыл бұрын

💯 ❤

@HardcoreLevelingBaka

Жыл бұрын

@Forthakine I think that It’s good thing that he’s being torn apart by the guilt, because it shows that he still has some humanity left, it shows that he’s not completely evil and that he recognizes and understands exactly why he’s in the position he is now, and he doesn’t even blame the kids for not showing up, because he knows that he doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

@anniesama5729

Жыл бұрын

​@Forthakine there's a big difference between things like forgetting a crime, pardoning a perp, forgiving them, accepting an apology and acknowledging their remorse and suffering. As much as we'd often like to think otherwise, humans can kinda keep order, but can't actually deliver karma or real justice, so don't feel obligated to want to.

@junbh2

Жыл бұрын

It was also just honest. Just because someone is dying or scared it doesn't mean you need to lie to them.

I remember when I never got to meet my grandfather on my dad's side. When I finally turned 22,my dad pulled me outside to smoke a cigarette. He said,"You want to know why you never got to meet my dad? Why he was in prison? Because he sexually assaulted your aunts when they were younger. When they called me to tell me he died I was at work. I told them good." I was in shock and a lost for words. My dad was protecting me from this man that was my grandfather. I always wondered why I never met him till I was old enough to understand. He never forgave him but the ones my grandfather did. They forgave him and still saw him.

@ameliarose47

Жыл бұрын

Good on your dad for protecting you! It's one thing as an adult to make the conscious choice to see him, your aunt's probably did it for their own benefit (to feel like the bigger person, not have to carry the hatred, different people cope differently) but putting a child in harms way where a predator has easy access is awful. I'm glad that your father protected you. He's a great father for keeping you away from him and making sure you didn't suffer the same fate. Probably helped him heal that while he wasn't able to protect his sister's being only a child himself, he was able to keep you safe.

@flyushkifly

Жыл бұрын

​@@JAB1979 oh, so you're one of the aunts?

@desiirwin35

Жыл бұрын

That sounds like on my mom's side, whenever I went to my grandma's house my parents were always next to me, and then I met her real dad twice, when I was 12 years old. Who did the same thing as her step-dad.

@awright119021

Жыл бұрын

​@@JAB1979 she didn't assume anything about you. She doesn't even know who you are. Considering you're speaking about a mother you won't see, the story had nothing to do with you. Yet somehow you made it about you and chastised her for giving examples of why someone might still be around their abuser. Wtf

@IzzySalami

Жыл бұрын

This is how it’s going to be for me and my donor, as well. If I ever have children, my ex stepdad will be their grandpa. Pretty much for the same reason, but it wasn’t to me.

Thanks for this video. My dad molested my half sister when she was 9, then isolated me so I never got to see my birth mom after age 3, I only recently found my moms family through DNA tests but she’d died by then. He physically abused me for many years, until I was big enough to fight him. He emotionally abused and neglected me and I was sad throughout my childhood. No one seemed to care, even when I went to school with bruises on my face. Then when I left home at 16 and got into college, he and my step mom were on crack for years and almost died. It was all I could do to get them to fill out my FAFSA forms so I could get financial aid (obviously my dad wasn’t helping me pay for anything). He also told my childhood best friend that I liked to lie and not to believe the stories about him beating me. No one I ever told about the abuse ever believed me. He went super religious to atone for his sins, but when he gets drunk he talks about how much he wants to have sex with young girls. When I was 15 he bought some rope and wrapped it around my wrists and asked if I thought it was nice and soft and felt good around my wrist. He was always friends with other child molesting men and i had to watch out for them too. I haven’t spoken to him in 5 years and haven’t seen him for 10. Definitely not going to be there when he dies. He was the only family I had, and I couldn’t trust him. I don’t believe in hell, but for him I hope it’s real

@DiligoBarba

10 ай бұрын

Well it doesn't work like that Hell is REAL even if you pretend to not believe in it and it sounds like your father has a one way ticket. The Bible is very clear about not messing with kids. And if he's still covering his sins and not doing anything to make anything right with you or kids in general then he's going. God will not be mocked. But I am sorry for what happened to you and hope you have your own loving family one day.

@gmailrockmcbride49508

10 ай бұрын

Trust me, baby, there a special place in the hottest depths of hell for him. Right next to my enemies...haha hope you are doing ok. Best wishes.

@vaska1999

8 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry you went through such things. Ignoring your bruises -- it's heart-breaking.

@melissastewart9842

8 ай бұрын

I can't even express how sad and outraged your experience made me feel. When I hear something like this, I feel our society is more screwed up than I think it is (and I think it's pretty screwed up). How could it be that NO ONE noticed what was going on and didn't do a d*** thing to help you? You were betrayed by your father, your family, teachers, neighbors, extended family, law enforcement, social workers, the justice system, the entire kitchen sink. It shouldn't have been this way, not in an ideal world, but this is obviously not an ideal world. I just hope you've been able to meet some decent people who love you: people who would never for one nanosecond allow you to be treated like this ever.

@iddomargalit-friedman3897

6 ай бұрын

​@@melissastewart9842 Yes, it's always the indifference/more abuse from the rest of the world that makes me angriest. You really put the right words for the "it's more fucked than I think, and I already think it's fucked"

We found out my monster that raped and impregnated my sister died a few years back. We only knew because my nephew started getting social security payments. We celebrated that night, and ran into someone she knew that happened to work hospice from their hometown. Turns out he died alone and miserable, begging his aide (who was friends with hometown aide) to just sit with him because he was scared. I'm happy he got a small peice of the feelings he gave to her. Bastard.

I have a friend who works in a hospital. I used to work as a trauma therapist. When a person is not even willing to see their dying parent or sibling, there is probably a reason for it. I, myself, will not be seeing my mother when the time comes. I hope that people out there realize that they do not owe their abusers anything despite being blood related. It doesn’t matter how others will judge.

@supersexysadie

11 ай бұрын

I disagree that they usually have a good reason. Gen Z is full of ungrateful kids who refuse to talk to their parents over the dumbest reasons. I think it’s best not to assume either way if they have a good reason or not.

@briancasady7867

11 ай бұрын

I am in the same boat with you.

@jennifersilves4195

10 ай бұрын

​@@supersexysadieNo it isn't. You don't know their parents.

@TheRealRedFlashlight

10 ай бұрын

Right? I say let them judge you. That helps you figure out that they were just her 'flying monkeys' all along.

@496705635

9 ай бұрын

From the absolute, bottom of my heart ~ Thank you, for saying that ~ Nobody seen my mother before her time...she was found dead in her home ~ She was a Very, Very cruel peron...I really do not know how any of us kid's survived her 😔 When I was informed of her death...........I was Horrifically Relieved.

My sister worked in a nursing home for over 15 years and the deathbed confessions she has heard were crazy. Mostly people confessing to having lied in their youth and got someone jailed/lynched/murdered. Some actually confessed to murder themselves and/or rape. A surprising number of women who claimed to have killed their husbands/first husbands. She finally transitioned to the admin side of things because she couldn't take it anymore.

@edennis8578

Жыл бұрын

Wow, I feel better now! I've been nervous about what I would say about my past if I got dementia; it doesn't look so bad, now. 😮

@mellie4174

Жыл бұрын

I would take most of that with a grain if saly. People on the verge of dying are totally out of it and are not at all in touch with reality

@BabalonNuit

Жыл бұрын

@@mellie4174 I assure you; it's not those dying patients who are "out of touch with reality". Maybe go volunteer at a hospice and get a dose of it; you could use it!

@sellyripley9174

Жыл бұрын

God damn. My granny confessed, on her dead-bed, that my dad wasn't the son of her husband my "grandpa", but rather the son of my grandpa's brother. She'd had a fling with him while my grandpa was away in the Navy. Damn, I thought that was heavy. But murders and getting people lynched!? And of course, stuff like in the video. Holy shit. O_O;

@InfiniteAnvil

Жыл бұрын

Before no-fault divorce was available nationwide, wives secretly killing their husbands was much more common.

This just taught me a lesson. Thank you. I get annoyed when people always say, "You only have one mother and one father". You don't know the pain that person has caused. People need the mind of business that pays them.

I wasn’t there when my mother died, and I only went to her funeral to make sure she was really dead. She was a manipulative narcissistic pill head. She did things to me I’ll never speak of. Growing up in that household was a nightmare. I completely understand why some people don’t show up. You don’t owe them anything and sure don’t owe them forgiveness. People that pressure you to forgive don’t realize that THAT is also abuse. Don’t let anger eat you up, but realize that you don’t HAVE to forgive. Some things are just unforgivable.

I'm the kids in this situation. My mother, or more accurately, the thing that birthed me, is a horrible person. She abused my sister and I in every way she could think of, came REAL close to killing us too. When we finally got away from her, after years of nonstop abuse, we cut off all contact with her. But everyone else in my family just forgave her, just acted like nothing happened. A couple years ago, our mother got really sick due to her drug use and it looked like she might die. That whole side of the family came after my sister and I, furious that we wouldn't talk to her and go see her. Telling us that we needed to get over what happened and forgive her. We declined. Some people don't deserve forgiveness.

@kbg6070

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry you both went through such horrors. It’s completely unforgivable. I really hope you’re both enjoying life to the full and have people around you who bring you joy, security, peace and love. Your egg donor and family are so wrong. Lots of love from this stranger to you both x

@christinelloyd667

Жыл бұрын

I've heard "forgiveness isn't for the forgiven." If it is better for you to forgive, then forgive. If not, nope! My sister from another mister spent a long time after her egg donor died humming "ding ding the witch is dead" at odd moments, though her sperm donor is still around. I think I'll throw her a party when she's technically an orphan!

@mischarowe

Жыл бұрын

@@ldoe8731 I would be lol.

@mischarowe

Жыл бұрын

@@christinelloyd667 That "forgiveness isn't for the forgiven" pisses me off. It absolutely IS for them. If they don't deserve it they shouldn't get it.

@christinelloyd667

Жыл бұрын

@@mischarowe As in, "it's for the forgiver," which I take to mean that the only person whose opinion matters (and whose well-being matters) is the forgiver. Nobody else can demand it. Nobody else can say how it will affect the forgiver. It may also affect the forgiven person if they are forgiven, but that's a side effect. It is not and should not be the point, no matter what outside parties may try to claim. It's a lot like "pull yourself up by your bootstraps," a phrase that in the literal sense means one thing (a sarcastic phrase implying of course you can't pull yourself up by your bootstraps because physics so we have to help each other out) and was perverted to mean the exact opposite. I'll try to remember to be more explicit in the future.

I was a social worker and we had a dying male hospice pt who kept feeling pulled toward flames in the corner of the room(that no one else saw). He was terrified. His adult, downs syndrome daughter admitted to us that "Daddy used to do terrible" things to her, similar to this. None of us grieved his death.

@FruitnotAnut2011

Жыл бұрын

Dangggggg….he knew he was going to hell…*shivers*

@just.8797

Жыл бұрын

If this is real, that is terrifying

@yungtux8770

Жыл бұрын

The hallucinations of a religious man who knew he done fucked up.

@free22

Жыл бұрын

I heard of a man who died in a similar state of mind. He was also known for abusing his daughters. Scary.

@tiarezavaleta8850

Жыл бұрын

Well deserved I'd said.

I came from an abusive childhood, and after my father out a gun to my head in the shower and threatened to kill me I never looked back. My mother was his next of kin even though the were divorced due to the abuse we all went through, so when he went into kidney failure she agreed to drive 2 states away to pick him up and care for him. I went with her, he died getting dialysis the day we were driving there. When the doctors said sorry for your loss. I laughed. His death wasn't a loss just was upset it took him so long to die. Never looked back.

I had a man once admit WWII war crimes on his deathbed. He was German, no family left. I am Jewish, my name is Hebrew. Maybe he thought confession to one of us would prevent eternal damnation? I worked in palliative care for a time, so I’ve heard many things. But THAT was the one I remember.

@marionanderson3441

5 ай бұрын

That would’ve been very difficult to respond to. I had one who said (after I complimented his wife’s devotion after she had left the room) that he was so lucky she stayed with him after he had beaten her for years. He had tears in his eyes as he said it and I was floored. I agreed that he was lucky and continued like nothing, but inside I was seething and wished she would just walk away from him. Some people are just pos and no last minute regret changes that.

Forcing a reconciliation is horrible, I was guilted into doing it by a family member and it feels like a unbearable betrayal. As if what they did didn't matter, as if your pain doesn't matter.

@Princess-cz3hg

Жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Your pain does matter and it matters infinitely more than everyone else’s comfort. I’m in the process of separating from my family, I can’t imagine what they’ll do to try to guilt me out of my decision.

@depaula1710

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you were made to feel that way by people round you. That's a whole extra trauma on top of what already happened in the past. People who'd do that don't deserve to have access to you!

@maryjanegreen8687

Жыл бұрын

I was made to feel that way by several family members after going no contact with my mother. I understand the feeling. The other family members completely disregard your pain and humanity and expect you to continue to be abused and ask no questions. I wish you happiness now! 🖤

@ohmygodyouknowwhatweshould2496

Жыл бұрын

The friend of your enemy is not your friend.

@thamieklybodonmi

Жыл бұрын

The holding onto that pain will hurt you infinitely more in the long run. Forgiveness benefits more the victim than what most people understand.

Thank you for doing this. This is the part people often forget. Just because there is an old feeble person dying doesn’t mean that they were good. Evil gets old too.

@pennyc11

9 ай бұрын

And it often lives much too long as well.

@saanasalonen8684

9 ай бұрын

yup. from what i have seen in my life the good ones go first and the evil ones live to be like a hundred...@@pennyc11

@chirpydragonfruit9464

8 ай бұрын

Yes it does

@arthas640

8 ай бұрын

I heard a few old crazy stories of death bed confessions of people admitting what they'd done in WW2. Can't imagine taking care of some old man and then having him admit he was a card carrying nazi or that he got his Jewish neighbors deported

@siberiasian

7 ай бұрын

"evil gets old too" such a true quote, gonna be using this!

There are so many people in these comments who have been hurt. Its heartbreaking, and I'm sorry for what they went through. No child deserves that.

My mom had 2 sisters, and one was married to a pedo, but that was a deep, dark secret that no one ever spoke about. I remember as a child going to stay with them during the summers. I remember him walking around the house naked, I remember her stabbing me with sewing needles. I also have blank spots in my memories about some of the time I spent there. I also remember one summer there was another kid my age at the apartment complex my aunt lived in, and he and I would get together every day, and spend almost all day playing and swimming in the complex's pool. That summer, I remember pretty much all of. Jump to 15 odd years later. He had died, and it had come out that he had felt up my niece, but all I had was those blank spots and uncharacteristic rage whenever he'd come around, so I didn't go to his funeral. A year or two later, his wife (aunt 1, with the needles) died, and my mom asked me to come to the funeral. Her other sister was very sad, and after the funeral I said, "Good riddance." My mom looked shocked even though she knew about the needles (at least that much), but my other aunt slapped me. I just looked at her for a minute, turned and walked out to my motorcycle, and as I was putting my helmet on aunt came out to apologize but I just left as I didn't trust myself to keep all the repressed hate in. I'm guessing mom told her about some stuff, maybe. I didn't blame aunt 2 for anything, but it was another 20 years or so before I spoke to her. By the time she passed, a few years after my mom went, we were on decent terms, and I'm glad of that. Deep, dark unspoken family secrets. I honestly don't consciencely remember him doing anything to me, but as I grew into adulthood that rage against him grew and grew. Even now, in my 60's I wonder what is in those blank spots. I'm not sure I want to know though.

@tinkeramma

9 ай бұрын

My sincere advice is to consider the blank space a mercy from your brain to your soul. I remember things I wish had stayed blank.

@mysteryachiever

8 ай бұрын

Wow, both of your perspectives are heartrending. I have my own “history”, but I’m doing OK now. My wish for both of you is that, if you choose healing, you find a wonderful therapist. And if you’re doing OK now, I wish you freedom from the past, wholeness and all the joy that is your birthright. All love and support to you ❤

@melissastewart9842

8 ай бұрын

You have the basis for a great short story, if this is something you would want to pursue.

@JenniferKitchens123

7 ай бұрын

I’m 53 and have only filled in some blank spots in the last three years or so. It didn’t help my rage any. I’m still working on it, but I will be triggered by something and be enraged all over again. Truly letting something go, forgiving, is a process. It isn’t a one time action. You do it for yourself, because learning to let go of my wrath drops my stress and increases my peace. I swapped around pronouns there, but you get the point. Your brain is protecting you by blocking the memories- let it. When the anger or memories of that jerk surface, deliberately say to yourself, “I refuse to let you hurt me anymore. I won. You’re dead.” Then turn your mind and heart to things and people that make you happy.

@BrianWalker93

6 ай бұрын

Do yourself a favor: Don't go poking around in those blank spots. Take it from someone who did exactly that. It doesn't end well. I genuinely hope for a peaceful life for you and that you never have to relive whatever is hidden there. Stay safe, friend. Wherever you are.

This one was deep... and relevant. Not all parents deserve their child's love.

@ilfautdanser9121

Жыл бұрын

if you haven't given it and instead actively harmed them, you are not entitled to love in return

Sad part is, I have no sympathy. What he did is unforgivable. It's one thing if you feel that way, another if you act on it.

@leiah6514

Жыл бұрын

Thank you, I wish people held this sort of attitude about it. No one can change their sexuality, but the act itself is unforgivable. If people were more willing to provide resources and medications to help it would produce a lot more results then crucifixion. Leaving someone backed into a corner like that (even if their thoughts are inhumane) isn’t going to ever end well.

@PeachesDreemurr

Жыл бұрын

@@leiah6514 I know it's a mental disorder, but that doesn't excuse them if they act on it. Heck, I could care less what a person feels, but if you hurt others, I mean, golden rule. Do no harm. He hurt his kids, so no wonder he was thrown in a nursing home. I actually find people who do nothing to be very strong willed individuals.

@PeachesDreemurr

Жыл бұрын

@@leiah6514 I totally agree.

@pisces2569

Жыл бұрын

@@leiah6514 pedophila is not a sexuality. It’s a mental disorder

@MsSemki

Жыл бұрын

it's not sad, it's reasonable not to have sympathy.

The Speech Prof said in one of his videos, regarding family members and friends who try and 'guilt' people into reconciling with estranged family members just before or after they've passed, that "the only thing they hate more than an abuser is a truth teller." That hit me hard the first time I heard it. You don't 'owe' ANYONE forgiveness; the offending party's job is to EARN it - and if they can't, deal with it.

@whistlingninja11

4 ай бұрын

I'm the only one of five children who's severed ties with our (physically and emotionally) abusive parents and grandparents. I often feel like the black sheep of the family, even though my siblings don't treat me any differently than before, because some of them don't understand the choices I've made.

Had a roommate who worked in a nursing home who id bring lunch to on her longer shifts. There was an older gentleman that everyone liked and seemed like a nice guy but his kids never visited. One day when i was up there delivering dinner his son was up there for some reason or another. The other nurses wanted to know if he wanted to visit his dad which he responded "absolutely not". They brought the resident out anyway and it was a disturbing interaction. Son clearly wanted no part in being near the old man and the old man seemed to enjoy making the son uncomfortable. Interaction ended when it was dinner time (about 15 minutes). Ended up staying with the son because he was clearly not okay and ended up getting the story. The old man repeatedly did the bad touch to many children where they lived growing up -- including impregnating 2 of his daughters, no one in the small town believed it could have been him because of how great of a guy he was. Son basically kept tabs on the old man to make sure he didn’t hurt anyone else, even if he was still terrified of him because the police never believed him about his father. Apparently a few of the nurse's were wary of him because he made a few odd comments about their middle/high school aged daughter's that set them on edge and this basically confirmed a bunch of their fears. They took care of the old man to the best of their abilities but no one shed any tears when he eventually died.

This was wonderful. I am not visiting or going to watch my mom die because of this. People need to know that when there is physical and S** abuse, you are not obligated to see your parents or watch them die. They destroyed your life. Why do they deserve anything more then ABSOLUTE ABANDONMENT.

@Chahlie

Жыл бұрын

Amen.

@mellie4174

Жыл бұрын

Exactly. Just because they physically created you doesn't mean they're entitled to abuse you and then reclaim your investment in their life

@AnneWilkynson

Жыл бұрын

​@@mellie4174 well said👏👏

@callyflower

Жыл бұрын

My father killed himself at 86, saving me any of those decisions. One thing he did right…just decades later than he should have.

@marciwhitman3513

Жыл бұрын

I was never told when my dad passed away. And when I finally found out and read the obituary, neither I nor my older brother were mentioned as being part of the family. Only my younger brother was my younger brother was mentioned. He was a horrible father who was extremely selfish and very abusive. Now I'm waiting for my mother to die. She is also extremely selfish and was horribly abusive. We haven't spoken for a long time. And I will never forgive either of them. In fact for a long time after my father died he kept showing up in my dreams and I would keep saying to him, what are you doing here? You're supposed to be dead. You're not supposed to be alive and in my dreams. So now when I dream about him he's different and it's not the same. Some parents just weren't meant to have children. But I don't know the whole story. My mom was raised different because of the time of when she grew up. And before I was born I don't know what happened between her and my dad. I know that he was abusive to her and I don't know if that extended to sexual abuse. So that would explain a lot of the way that I was treated but I can't assume any of that. And she still doesn't deserve my forgiveness. The only family member that I truly miss is my grandmother on my moms side. She was very loving and caring and very generous with hugs. I will miss her forever.

This is why you never judge people who don't visit family. This happens a LOT more than people would like to believe. I've even had a couple of patients tell me some atrocious things they've done.

@cosmicreef5858

Жыл бұрын

Fun fact: Most of the people who do not visit relatives are ACTUALLY have a reason for it

Many people say this, but, as a victim of violence in my childhood, I deeply thank you.

As a palliative care nurse, I've definitely had these sorts of situations come up. Everyone dies -- rich people, poor people, kind people and people who have done horrible things -- and it's tough to see family dynamics that suck, but very rarely are families estranged for no reason.

An old friend went through something like that with her father. She went to see him when she got the call from the nurses but refused to go into the room until he had actually gone. She said one of the nurses asked her why and she told them "I just needed to make sure the old bastard is dead. After all he did to us. I had to see his body." Everyone deals with life in their own way...

@Tt-The-Creative

Жыл бұрын

I have a relative who died not too long ago, I used to live with them. I do forgive them, but I don’t really feel any attachment to the loss. But because everyone is so heartbroken about it, I choose not to say anything for their own right. I make up stuff so I won’t hurt them, and I am starting to wonder if I am a good person cuz I don’t feel anything about it. I dunno dude...

@nancydrewfan7890

Жыл бұрын

When my grandfather died, my mom took her time coming home because she didn't want a desth bed scene He was an awful and abusive husband and father.

My mom used to force me and my sister to go visit her “old boss” in a nursing home because she felt bad for him that none of his family would visit. That man was creepy and I’m pretty sure my mom was just visiting to get money/gifts and to portray herself as “holier than thou”. My sister and I hated it. I remember being forced to sit on his lap as a very small child because he’s such a nice man blah blah blah and anyways he molested me. Bingo, that’s why his family ghosted the old creep. Never put your children in weird situations just to make yourself feel like you’re doing a good deed. Don’t force your children to hug or sit with anyone. Not everyone is a good person.

@edennis8578

11 ай бұрын

It makes me wonder what was in it for your mother. I don't believe that it was just to feel self-righteous. There was something more going on.

@BijinMCMXC

11 ай бұрын

🤬‼️‼️

@ratherboutside2

11 ай бұрын

😮 that’s awful! 🫂

@Black-And-WhiteWorldview8488

10 ай бұрын

Actually ALL women/females are good and ALL men/male are bad. Plain and simple, fact and truth.

I've had this talk with my mother before. She wasn't always the best but she did love us. She could never grasp how other people could treat their kids like that or how kids couldn't forgive. I had to explain to her that not every parent-child relationship looked like ours and that not all parents care. It's easy to have a kid, but you have to remember that the kid is never asked if they wanna be there. Not all parents are actually anywhere close to qualified for the job.

@VOLITIONSPARK

10 ай бұрын

Its always hard to hear about people cutting off family because I had such great parents, grandparents, great grandparents, siblings, etc

My great grandfather was a pdf-ile, he lived until he was 102 years old. I remember when I was young my grandmother who raised me would tell us not to go near him and my grandfather’s sisters had stories of how they had to put their dressers in front of their doors to sleep. He was a nasty person even as an old man so he kept calling all his daughters crazy which led people in our family to not believe them. My grandpa who was the youngest didn’t believe his sisters. When he got sick he admitted it was true and that he remembered everything and said he had to repent because he was afraid to go to hell. My great aunt who was already quite old had a panic attack. I know that the priest pardoned him and as a child I couldn’t understand why , i still can’t tbh. My great grandfather never did a minute of prison sadly.

@angelam.4859

9 ай бұрын

I'm sorry your great aunts suffered something so horrible. I wish you all much consolation. My father's step-father did the same thing to 2 or 3 of my aunts. 1 was from a previous marriage, as was my father. 2 of them were his biological daughters who were born half deaf & half blind. My father was the only sibling who believed their claims when they started speaking out. The 4 other siblings continued on with life, estranged from the 2 sisters. My grandmother had her husband get counseling from their LDS church, but no one reported him to any governing authority. He didn't have therapy for long, either. So many adults around him enabled him to pretend it didn't happen & his teen daughters (the age when they spoke up about what he did to them for years) were just mentally unstable. The monster got away with it. Once I was an older teen, I learned this family secret. It answered why my parents wouldn't let me sit on my step-grandfather's lap, why I wasn't allowed to sleep over, why my father didn't let me hold his hand after I was age 8, or didn't let himself get emotionally close to me until I was an adult, and why my sweet aunts never went to any family parties & only our family visited them. That disgusting man's actions made my aunt's young & already ability-challenged lives into a living, lonely, gaslit hell. He permanently damaged his daughters, their futures, and their children's futures. He damaged the opportunity of any of their 7 combined children to have any healthy relationships with their future spouses & children. Healthy relationships? What's that? They didn't know one unless they saw it elsewhere. He pulled his wife, his bishop, and his religious community into his web of destruction and deceit. His actions also indirectly affected how his grandchildren & step-grandchildren parent. The ripple effect of his wicked selfishness is huge. My elderly grandmother ended up losing her mind and became selectively mute in her last 6 years of her life and her husband had to take care of her in all ways. I sometimes wondered if she knew he was guilty and if it ate at her or if she felt trapped in her younger years and decided to make him become her caregiver at the end as revenge for all the decades she had to do everything. My elderly step-grandfather developed Parkinson's disease in his last 10 or so years of life. He had difficulty taking care of himself and her. One day, he fell down and injured himself. None of the 6 offspring (one had already died as an adult) could (would?) care for them. They were in nursing homes for less than 3 years. My grandmother died peacefully. That man died not long after, and in pain. Fitting. My parents & 1 aunt & uncle tried to clean out the hoarder/collector house, while an other siblings said to burn it down. After retrieving some sentimental things & trying for 3 months to clean some of it on their days off from work, they ended up selling the house as-is to a young neighbor who wasn't fully welcomed in that neighborhood. Fitting. One of the things that my dad retrieved was a computer hard drive. Years later, my dad asked my wonderfully geeky husband to see if he could scan the files and see what's on there. There were files of some p0*n on there with young looking females. My husband knew my dad was already burdened enough and decided to not tell him about the files. He just stated the drive was corrupted. A part of me wants my dad to know the truth, but then I remember how much destruction has already happened in his & his siblings lives. So, I haven't told my dad the truth either.

@allthingsharbor

8 ай бұрын

Fortunately, the priest does not make the decisions on Judgement Day. I think your family is safe now.

@vaska1999

8 ай бұрын

The priest *had* to absolve him once he'd confessed -- priests aren't given a choice in that. What God thinks of your great-grandfather is another thing, but you can console yourself knowing that Jesus offered no forgiveness to those who abused children.

@lijohnyoutube101

8 ай бұрын

Because religion is all just a nonsense sham of brainwashing and indoctrination and power and control. Obviously gods don’t exist.

@lijohnyoutube101

8 ай бұрын

@@vaska1999seriously??? Do you people not realize how bonkers you sound? Where was this jesus when she was hurt. Just stop, like I am teally sorry someone filled your brain with absolute bunk but that is just so damaging to say to someone and it is just cult gibberish. Do not pass along such demented brainwashed garbage.

The only reason I was able to forgive my own father for the years of sexual abuse was because, after many years of being alienated from the family (my mom divorced him as soon as she found out), he found me and apologized repeatedly and very sincerely, and said he would completely understand if I never forgave him. I wasn't able to do that, not ever, but I was able to accept and understand that he, completely on his own and with no help of therapy or friends, had been a terrible father and husband. And he was truly, completely and unequivocally sorry. He did so much to help me and my husband, mostly with money (which was his "love language") but also with gifts that were timely, appropriate, useful and greatly appreciated. By the end of his life I was in control of his estate and I managed his dying and death care to the best of my ability. My mom and sister were never able to accept any of this and I completely supported them and never tried to change their minds. Accepting his apologies was tough but so incredibly healing for the us. It brought closure that I would never otherwise have had and I'm grateful for this.

@joywebster2678

Жыл бұрын

Bravo. Forgiveness isn't about forgetting or suddenly thinking what happened is grand, it is what you described accepting a sincere apology, and negotiate an acceptable interaction as you the hurt party desires with boundaries. Sadly many abusers can't make apologies.

@randomvielleuse527

Жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 Absolutely right. Thank you for commenting!

@anival9576

11 ай бұрын

I really appreciate this comment. We don't forgive others for their sake. We forgive them for our own sake... and that doesn't necessarily mean letting them back into our lives. I also think it makes a huge difference if they've actually repented of the offense (acknowledged that they were wrong and apologized). You did a hard thing. I also don't blame people who can't, but I think they need to realize that working through their resentment is for their own benefit, not just a favor that they're doing their abuser.

@Grndmddr

10 ай бұрын

Well done ... you accepted a sincere apology for unforgivable acts. Not everyone can, but some can and when it happens it's a good thing. Healing and closure are often the outcome of this. What's also so important is that you didn't force your acceptance on the rest of the family and allowed them to come to terms with this in whatever way they felt they should/could do.

@randomvielleuse527

10 ай бұрын

Thank you all for the replies. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment. It was not an easy thing to work through, and it affects me even today, but overall I've ended up being a much better person because of all the work I've done. Thanks again!

My mom worked with hospice patients for years then in a nursing home and then with Alzheimer's patients... She did say that some of the things the dying patients confessed were horrendous (one woman confessed to hiding two pregnancies and having the babies in the bathroom and then drowning them and burying them in the garden because she already had four kids and being Catholic her husband didn't believe in contraception of any kind, I can't imagine how that was possible, even if it was the fifties) but what really got to her was the Alzheimer's patients because some would revert back to their younger selves and that included racism, sexism and the worst were the ones who had raped women and touched children and beat their families and believed they're back in that time... That's why the Alzheimer's unit is locked... One man relived killing his parents over and over... He went from prison at 22 to a halfway house at 68 to the Alzheimer's unit at 70... I used to worry cause she'd come home with scratches and black eyes... You'd be surprised how strong those patients can be... I swear my momma has the patience of Job

@adsf6033

Жыл бұрын

That is so odd, she could’ve left them at a doorstep or something if she already went through a pregnancy and birth...

@dylangarcia3898

Жыл бұрын

That one where mom killed 2 babies is just pure evil to me hope she rots in hell for that

@mariejacob6178

Жыл бұрын

I'm glad there is strong medication for violent patients nowadays. Imagine killing two babies. What a sick freak. She premeditated for 9 months on both of them. I honestly wish I hadn't read this comment. May that woman tire in fire.

@ljeans531

Жыл бұрын

​@@dylangarcia3898 omg, do people not know you can anonymously leave babies at fire stations? How horrid do you have to be to kill a child that could easily be loved by someone?

@dylangarcia3898

Жыл бұрын

​@@ljeans531 this wasn't a single mom who didn't have resources to live on ,this was a married mother of 4 who had people she could rely and yet she choose to take this evil action against her own flesh and blood

If adult children have chosen not to have a relationship with their parents, there's a very good reason for it. No one comes into this world wanting to be estranged from loving, healthy family. Thanks for sharing this story because people that don't come from these backgrounds really don't understand "how someone could do that to so and so..." Trust and believe you're only getting one side of the story! Abusers love to act like victims.

I work in an nursing home. We had a patient (he died), who was a catholic priest, who was accused by people of hurting children that way. It made the local news and he even did an interview (this was years before he came to the nursing home I worked at). It was very hard to give him care and a lot of the staff struggled. This happens a lot more then people think.

@Mortablunt

9 ай бұрын

All you had to say, was Catholic priest, because the answer is of course!

@YourWaywardDestiny

9 ай бұрын

When the family isn't willing or able, that's when the old is put into a facility. A lot of those "not willing" residents have stories like these, I'd imagine. You probably hear them all.

The only one I feel bad for in this scenario is the son receiving that phone call and having to relive the trauma his father put him through.

Thank you have having the courage and compassion for the victims and posting this video. Nurses hear and see a lot. Their strength is astounding.

Two death bed stories: 1) when elderly man passed, his wife said “I married him because he had food. I was so lucky. Goodbye my angel” 2) another elderly man passes. Spouse says “goodbye you bastard”.

Never expected to watch you be this serious but you've done GREAT. I've never wondered if the 1st person who sexually abused me when I was five regretted it on his deathbed. All I know is I was rejoicing that he was dead. Please, keep on doing these as often as your heart can stand it. ♥️🖖🙏

I'm the activities director at a hospital and spend a lot of time with people with local family who don't visit even when the person is dying. A lot of times the patient isn't surprised and some are even honest about having burned those bridges long ago. Sometimes it does seem that the family just can't be bothered, but there is usually way more to it than that. Even when the patients are absolute angels, you never know if they are on their best behavior or learned from the bridges they burned years ago and have changed their ways. We almost always know a different version of them than what their family knows, whether that be better or worse version. We have a patient whose sister wouldn't take over guardianship, we were kind of appalled and then found out that when the patient was 7 she tried to murder her sister with a knife and understandably the relationship deteriorated from there. You really never know and it's so dangerous to fall into the tempting trap of judging because you think you understand a family's dynamics when you really have no idea. Just because your patient is lovely to you doesn't mean they have always been that way to their family. And sometimes the family themselves is just not equipped to see their loved one in the hospital. Being hospital workers we forget how truly scary it can be to see someone you love in a strange place looking sick and some people can't handle it. We have also had family members who can't visit due to their own medical issues or not being able to find substitute care for family members they care for that can't come with them. You never know, there are a lot of good reasons family members may not visit.

@souldancersbyjennifer

Жыл бұрын

I agree with all those things you said except for the part of not being able to handle seeing their loved ones sick. People need to learn to handle that. It's so insensitive to leave your loved ones at the hospital just because you can't handle seeing them sick

@Firsona

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. That person lying in the hospital bed is facing death. The end. Judgement if they believe it, nihilism if they don't, and they're reflecting on all the things they've done. What you're seeing is someone looking at the tally, and maybe going, 'I can't add anything more.' I struggle with my mother. She was neglectful while I was a child, (though I didn't realize this til I was much, much older,) abandoned us when I was 10, and showed back up in my life at 18 and wanted to continue like nothing happened. I have no memories of her caring for me. It's so hard to explain... she stopped being my mother a long time ago. Now she's a woman I am related to and very different from, that I feel faint responsibility for, since she's never been reliable or stable in anyway. I let her live with me for nearly two years, fed and clothed, got her clean off drugs and into a job. I don't know what I'd do if she was dying.

@souldancersbyjennifer

Жыл бұрын

@@Firsona beautiful of you to be able to do this for her in spite of her lack of care. I think it also helps if she's not actively toxic and out to destroy you, vs. you having established yourself as a person, healed to since degrees and is able to function relatively well in society. I imagine this topic might trigger some thoughts on how to further heal this wound of yours. Drugs can really change the way a person behaves, so if she's finally gotten off drugs, good for the both of you, and in time perhaps you'll both be ready to address the deeper stuff before she's gone for good...

@Firsona

Жыл бұрын

​@@souldancersbyjennifer It's..scar tissue. I can't say it didn't hurt, can't say it hasn't changed how I see some things, how I trust. But it's healed. I can't graft her back in because there's no longer need. Our core values are different, as well as surface values and interests. I keep silent because I know it would hurt her to know I don't see her as my mother. I suspect you are the beautiful soul in this case, to see it that way. =)

@souldancersbyjennifer

Жыл бұрын

@@Firsona caring for a parent who's not been the parent they needed to be when you were a child is a high calling. 🙏🏻 May you have peace throughout...

Great video! I have been a nurse for 30 years, almost all of it in longterm care facilities. I've had a few patients that didn't have family members come and visit them. In the beginning of my career I didn't understand how children couldn't visit their parents but, shortly after becoming a nurse I came to the realization that the "person" that I saw as my patient wasn't always the same person that their kids saw growing up. They only became that person after they got sick and needed someone else to take care of them. I discovered that the smiling, "happy go lucky" patient in front of me had barely had time for their kids as they were growing up or had abused their kids in one way or another and that was the reason their kids didn't come to see them. Their kids had distanced themselves from them for their own mental health. Therefore, I no longer judge the children for their actions, I don't know what they grew up with. It's not on us to judge anyone but if I was the daughter of a man who did something like what this patient has confessed to, I don't think I would forgive him either. I definitely agree with Austin on this one.

@annebartells777

Жыл бұрын

As a victim of all sorts of abuse including this one, forgiveness only comes when the victim has dealt with the abuse. Forgiveness is a process. I forgave my dad but it took me about ten years after I sought help for the psychological issues the abuse caused. Some people never reach that point. Bless you for not judging the family members

@Liz-wz8dh

Жыл бұрын

So so true. It's just one of those lessons you have to learn about people. You often don't know who these people were 10, 20 years ago.

@missjo2036

Жыл бұрын

And there are some parents who are not abusive in any way and the kids just don't visit because they do not care my mom has seen both sides

This was a good one. Thought I was the only one who actually felt relief when he said " no" . This 30 seconds went far to help healing. Wow deep

I know someone who, for her own health's sake, ended up filing a petition for her horrible mom to become a ward of the state. The 60-ish lady was already in a nursing home and continuously called & berated her daughter while making threats and demanding money. As soon as this mother officially became a ward of the state, my friend had herself removed from nearly all contact information, changed her phone number, and changed her bank accounts. She only wanted to be notified when her mother died. I think my friend did the right thing. I think the nursing home staff agreed as well.

As soon as he said "Can I tell you something?" I knew where this was going. People ask me all the time why I didn't cry when my grandfather passed away. He wasn't abusive to me at all, but he ruined the childhood of my mother, aunt, and uncle, and kept treating my aunt like a slave until the day he died. His mind started to go at the end and he confused me for my grandmother a lot. I'll never forget the heartbreak in his eyes on the last day I took care of him, when he called me by my grandmother's name and asked why I wouldn't hold his hand. I reminded him who I was and told him that I'd rather rot than watch him mistreat his daughter one more time, then left. I didn't bother to see him while he was hospitalized, my siblings and I stayed in the waiting room with our mom when he passed. My aunt was the only one there when they pulled the plug on him. Not all families are just waiting for the life insurance payout, some of them are just tired of being hurt.

When my mum was in the nursing home I never visited her. I couldn´t. I just couldn´t. Thank you, Austin.

@BabalonNuit

Жыл бұрын

When my abusive dad died, I just shrugged. Just another day in the life. Good riddance.

@cinderstreaks4507

Жыл бұрын

I don’t know how I’m going to feel when my dad dies. Been no contact for years, and it feels weird to shop up to the funeral of a man I have nothing good to say about

@Holdenwhat

Жыл бұрын

I wondered the same thing about both of my abusive parents. I really didn’t feel much when they died. A bit of relief, that’s all.

I stayed away as well. The staff in the nursing home didn't understand because she was so sweet. She had Alzheimer's and she wasn't who she was before. Overall she did a lot of great things for me and I'm grateful. But she did some things that crushed me as well. She hinted that she thought she wasn't a good mother. I came to her bedside a month before she died and forgave her--for me. I told her wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for her. I told her to rest easy. I'm trying to let it go as well. She's gone, can't hurt me or my family anymore. We can be thankful for the good things and work our way through the bad. My brother and mom were estranged for over twenty years. A few years ago I found him, got him on the phone and they still wouldn't talk to each other. He didn't talk to her before she died. She treated him worse than she did me, so . .

It is amazing to me how people assume all families are just wonderful. I am glad Austin told him no. Just because you are on your death bed doesn't mean everything is dying with you. Props to the medical field and the craziness you deal with everyday!

To any victims reading this, you DO NOT owe your abuser(s) the gift of forgiveness and peace on their deathbed. It won’t make you a bad person to completely close that door on them. It will be liberating, it’ll lift up your spirit and you will receive peace. @Steveioe this video needs a warning at the beginning!! It made me feel sick to my stomach to think of all the victims that are watching this and it made me think of all the children currently suffering this abuse.💔

@user-wk5tx2xd1g

Жыл бұрын

Thank you. No forgiveness

@nataliekubus1041

Жыл бұрын

Forgiveness isn't a gift for the abuser. It's for the victim.

@user-wk5tx2xd1g

Жыл бұрын

@@nataliekubus1041 I will never forgive my abuser. To me, forgiveness means I accept your apology. There's no way I can forgive someone who doesn't even understand the pain they've caused. Someone who has absolutely no feelings of remorse. Forgiving someone like this doesn't make me feel good. It isn't closure. Her casket being closed will be my closure.

@danika9411

Жыл бұрын

​@@user-wk5tx2xd1g Same. My foster mother s3xually abus3d me. If I forgave anything or even apologized myself she saw it as "I did nothing wrong. I'm all great." She is a malignant sadistic narcissist, who hopefully dies soon. When my foster parents are dead, I will finally feel free.

@msk-qp6fn

Жыл бұрын

People also tend to misunderstand that forgiveness means the relationship is automatically patched and renewed when it is not. Forgiveness only means they won't wish harm on you for the past actions anymore, it does not mean any love or kindness or trust will be given. Those need to be earned back.

my grandfather was a sociopath. He caused pain and misery everywhere he went, and he loved it! When he was dying he didn't ask for forgiveness, he caused more pain and laughed about it. We were there for him out of respect for family, and I think we were all hoping maybe he would at the last min. tell us he was sorry. He didn't. Burn in hell. I mean RIP....

@CatBarefield

Жыл бұрын

No no, he can burn

@rachelk4805

Жыл бұрын

🔥🔥🔥🤭

@jarsingscovers

Жыл бұрын

Bih

@depaula1710

Жыл бұрын

A distant family member had had a near-death experience and recovered, so i decided to give the old perv another chance - wrong decision i tell you! He even used his near-death experience to string into vile pervy stories he would always tell and my parent did just laugh uncomfortably, instead of having us leave once he spoke his discusting piece. So when he then finally did die, i refused to mourn him and when told not to speak ill of the dead i replied "well i have told him to his face, so i am not going to start being quiet about it now". People suck

@papillon-dm8et

Жыл бұрын

nah its ok he dont needa be resting in peace 🥰

Totally saw that coming. Thank you for shining a spotlight on how little we know about anyone else or their reasons for not seeing a relative.

Honestly, as much as i love Steveioe's comedy videos, this one hit home for me. Id really appreciate more like this that cover the insane, sad, and disgusting things medical workers have to keep a straight face hearing about. I'm glad Austin said "No" like that. Hurting kids-- ESPECIALLY in that way-- is absolutely unforgivable.

Was a CNA for a long time. Lots of crazy confessions at the end. I've had a couple old ladies say they killed their husband for being abusive. I usually congratulated them and changed the subject so I could finish doing cares. Neither of them showed remorse, they weren't asking forgiveness 😆 One asked if she thought she was going to hell for not feeling bad, and I told her that I wasn't clergy, but I knew her husband was in hell. She laughed so hard. Woman was almost a century old, I wasn't going to try to condone nor condemn, and I'm an atheist to boot.

@FruitnotAnut2011

Жыл бұрын

Technically isn’t that self defense? I think I’d probably label it that anyway. What’d the Dixie chicks say? Good bye Earl…

@MsJMHS

Жыл бұрын

@@FruitnotAnut2011 Look up how many women are sitting in prison right now for killing their abusers, then come back and we can have a better discussion.... Edit: Don't get me wrong, I agree with you. But it's much more complicated than that.

@muchtested

Жыл бұрын

Sadly, it may not even have been fact. I've worked with patients who invented whole families.

@ILuvAyeAye

Жыл бұрын

​@@muchtested Very possible. But also, for a long time in our world's history, many poisons were easy to find and impossible to prove or detect. And then you had men who beat their wives, the very wives who fed them everyday, and also had easy access to undetectable poisons. I'm just saying, I wouldn't be surprised if they made it up, but I also wouldn't be surprised if it happened.

@thegreatjedi309

Жыл бұрын

Would it have sucked if she was really condemned to hell for not feeling bad, and ended up spending eternity with him?

Thank you. You did an excellent job of portraying both of them. It is an awful thing but you didn't make light of it. Poor Austin, he'll have nightmares about this but he was truthful about not forgiving.

I've been binge-watching Steve's shorts for hours now, but this is the first one that felt absolutely gut-wrenchingly raw and painful. While I haven't experienced any parental/sexual abuse in my youth, my heart reaches out to those who have. ❤

I remember a patient years ago who had back surgery. She was your typical white trash from east Arkansas. 50 but looked 65, drug addled, no teeth etc. She was so sweet and uneducated but seemed so sad. One time i was taking her to the bathroom and she started talking about her life as a kid. I asked questions and we went back and forth like this. Then she said, "momma never did like us kids". It broke my heart.

SPOT ON!!! This should be part of every hospital and nursing home employee orientation!!! Retired nursing home nurse here, and the stories I could tell would chill your bones. I tried to educate my staff when these times came. You never know what happened before that patient came thru your doors. Thank you so much for a brilliant video.

@anna8328

7 ай бұрын

It's shocking this ISN'T part of education for nurses!!! It always amazes me how people are amazed by this. What, did you think you can tell by looking at them? When you grow up knowing they exist it doesn't phase you and people know statistics, but somehow always expect that people they encounter won't be the monsters. This absolutely should be mandatory teaching for all nurses, not just those who work with elderly.

So well done. And that quiet 'no' was perfect. We had good parents so were blessed. They earned the care we gave them in return. ❤

This one was heavy, it is a good reminder that you do face a lot more darkness than you humorize. You are a beacon of light, thank you.

This is one reason it's important to try and be understanding when people are estranged from family members. It's our natural inclination to remain connected to our families so for most people there is a reason why they would choose to detach. It's not always just some ungrateful spoiled child/grandchild issue.

@edennis8578

Жыл бұрын

Ikr? People are so judgemental about estrangement because they assume that every parent is kind and loving. It used to make me crazy; everybody blamed me when they found out that I didn't speak to my mother. I stopped even trying to explain because nobody wanted to hear my side of it. I thought it spoke volumes that the only non-family members at the funeral were three people; a friend she gave wads of money to, and employees. Even most of the family didn't show up.

@tmf1586

Жыл бұрын

@@edennis8578 sometimes when people say things like "You only have one mother/father...." or similar and keep on pressing the best reply back can be something like "Yes I know and how sad that mine had to treat me the way they did". People who were blessed with no ligit trama at the hands of family or the people meant to care and protect them truly cannot understand how blessed they are.

@elissahunt

Жыл бұрын

To be honest, I think it's very rare that a child is too spoiled to show up for their parent's death. In fact, I think the most spoiled ones will be there just to make sure they get whatever inheritance they feel is coming to them. If a child refuses to come, there is usually a justifiable reason.

@rachelk4805

Жыл бұрын

Tbh, I am jealous of people who think that way. What a wonderful,easy life, to grow up in comfort and security, knowing you are loved by the people who are supposed to love you and protect you. What a gift. They are really the spoiled ones, huh? They don't appreciate what they have, or that other people don't have it. They can't conceive their parents being an object of fear and pain. So spoiled and ungrateful...

@nikkijack911

Жыл бұрын

Idk. I'm always getting stories in the Google feed about ppl ghosting their families because Suzie's 4yr college was completely paid for, but sam has to go-to community college on her own dime(or her folks') because Bobby ended up needing special care due to being paralyzed in a car accident or something. There's kind of an online push for vulnerable youth to go "no contact" with family and/or friends and then the whole entitlement, where so many ppl feel owed and unappreciative, I think alot of those ppl are missing out on positive aspects of social connections - signed- a hermit. That being said, there are some really solid reasons to bounce, like lack of safety and security and risks of physical violence &/or death

I told my father hours before he died that I'd never forgive him, and that I was glad he'd soon be rotting in hell for all the awful things he did. He couldn't speak, but I knew he heard every word I said... I could see it in his eyes. I do not regret telling him that. It was the first step in reclaiming my life from that monster.

@depaula1710

Жыл бұрын

Good on you! I am proud you got to speak your truth!

@margodphd

Жыл бұрын

And I hope that You find solace, healing and happiness. You deserve it. And never let people attempt to make You feel guilty because You did nothing wrong - and if they do try, they clearly don't deserve having You in their lives.

@Snezzleify

Жыл бұрын

Good on ya! Hugs! Hope you’re having a nice life now xxx

@kalisederoche

Жыл бұрын

glad you spoke the truth to him. you need the peace of mind more than he ever did, proud of you friend ❤

@cloutgangster

Жыл бұрын

You are the devil

I was at Nursing home with my dad near and all the way to the end. A few days before he died but he couldn't talk. That was easier because he couldn't interpret me or make excuses. I told him how he hurt me and made me feel. I'm not sure if it affected him but it done wonders for me.

@myzacky96

9 ай бұрын

Good for you Kim!

I imagine being that nurse and hearing that without screaming or leaving was one of the hardest things they did. But I'm glad he was honest with the guy

People need to stop assuming its the childrens fault whenfamilies crumble. The abuse Ive seen people go through at thr hands of parents is astounding

@darklightmotion5534

Жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 ive been through shit and I dont own .y parents a si gle thing. I was put on earth by them and suffered at their hands. Anything that happens because of that is on them. Maybe start holding parents accoubtable instead of victim blaming their children

@skylaradams426

Жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 you can do what you want, but don’t tell others what the “right” thing to do is. Everyone has different experiences and some family members don’t deserve anything.

@Ghostman223

Жыл бұрын

​@@joywebster2678that shouldn't mean you have to take care of your parents, especially if they were abusive. I guess congrats of what your doing, but don't shame others if they don't want to be near their parents.

@darklightmotion5534

Жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 I dont think its unreasonable to not help someone who has abused you. You dont have to forgive to move on. Deciding not to help your abuser doesnt have to be directly emotional. Stop expecting victims to support their abusers and stop the victim blaming

@Ghostman223

Жыл бұрын

@@joywebster2678 No you are, your indirectly caring for them by having someone else do it while making sure they have what they need.

As a kid, I didn't understand why I didn't have a grandfather around. I knew one was out there but didn't know why no one talked about him or to him. I was lonely and wanted to reach out to whatever family I had to fill a hole. I never sent them, but I wrote a couple letters to him. My mom found one...and I will never ever forget the pain on her face, the utter traumatic stress, when she told me why. He's still out there, hopefully too old to keep doing that shit. But he never got caught, never got tried. The statute of limitations saved him more than once. He pretends to be a pious man of God, like so many other of these creeps do.

@FruitnotAnut2011

Жыл бұрын

Evil hides wherever it can, someone said earlier today. His is hiding in trusted positions. But it’s sick, absolutely horrible.

@aanchal-annaleedeprince5525

Жыл бұрын

This is what disgusts me. Hypocrites who pretend to be good religious people.

@Irene-eu4iz

Жыл бұрын

Wow! Your creepy grandfather sounds exactly like my creepy dad.

@kyleecook6671

Жыл бұрын

@Irene-eu4iz yeah, unfortunately, there's a lot of those...it makes me angry

@BijinMCMXC

11 ай бұрын

They never stop, no matter how old they get. Even if they aren’t able to get access to children, they are consumers of cp. Only way ppl like that are stopped is for ppl to find the courage to come forward.

Austin had a lot of self-restraint for not strangling the man himself.

I felt the pain for the children instantly and all too real. You're one hell of a guy steveioe, I know I could not compose myself with such professionalism. My heart started to race and not in a good way. That was so hard to watch, but you delivered it with so much heart. Thank you for doing this 🙏🏽💜

The last words my grandma ever heard were "I was telling the truth about (him) and I will NEVER forgive you for supporting him after what he did to me." I was the last person to go into her room and then she passed a couple hours later. Alone. With that as the last thing in her ears. I don't know if she actually HEARD it, but I hope she did. And it felt so good to know that her last days were spent in misery, capped off with that moment after all the shit she put me through because I dared to speak up about what was happening.

@user-wk5tx2xd1g

Жыл бұрын

GOOD.

@margodphd

Жыл бұрын

Good. I hope it helps You find closure and that You heal as much as possible,and that the remainder of Your life You spend loved,safe, happy, healthy and fullfilled. You deserve it ❤️

@SueBHoney-cq8co

Жыл бұрын

Romans 12:19

@RavensWingTarot

Жыл бұрын

Coming from a nurse...hearing is the last sense to go. She heard it.

@kendrab1587

Жыл бұрын

She did. Hearing is the last to go.

My siblings begged me to go see my step father and then my mother (a few years later) as they both passed away and were disgusted with me when I refused. I've been vocal about what they both put me through but the family members call me a liar. It got to the point that I would just respond "I'm not coming. I understand you had a good relationship with them, but I didn't and you can't fault me for not being there. I appreciate that you're hurt right now, that's absolutely fine and it sucks for you, but I won't sacrifice my mental stability to be near a person who b3at, gRAP3D, m0l3st3d and abus3d me from infancy til my teen years." They fought me on not attending the funeral, not attending the celebrations of life and not wanting any of their ashes. I explained I didn't need physical reminders of them, I deal with the horrific memories every single day and that's plenty. It's been a few yrs since my step father passed, nearly a year since my mother passed, and my siblings are all still mad at me 🤷‍♀️

@ChubbyUnicorn

Жыл бұрын

Fuck "em! I'm happy you've learned to take care of you. That is difficult to learn when your family never taught you and treated you as an object . Your siblings are just trying to relieve their own guilt & they deserve to feel it. I wish you a wonderful life.

@k.a.2241

Жыл бұрын

You matter. Stay strong and take care of you, no matter what your siblings do

@melissab1360

Жыл бұрын

@@ChubbyUnicorn thank you. Took a long time to learn to put me first. I let men and others trample all over me for yrs, but this last 2yrs I've said no more. I've got kids and I need to show them their worth, and I can't be doing that if I'm letting ppl use and abuse me.

@melissab1360

Жыл бұрын

@@k.a.2241 Thank you. I've told the siblings they're free to be upset and hurt, but they don't get to tell me how I feel or what I should be doing. My experiences were different than theirs and I don't dare tell them they need to hate our step father or mother. U had a good relationship, that's great! I didn't though and my feelings are just as valid. If you can't accept it, you can join them in the block group. My kids are watching and learning from me, so I'm gonna teach them that no one gets to treat you like that, not even family!

@depaula1710

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry! The whole "we don't believe you" or "you are exaggerating" or "it wasn't so bad" is a whole extra trauma on top of the abuse that nobody should be dealing with! I am so sorry you had to deal with their repeated demands and hope you get to a place where they don't have access to you anymore and you can at least try to only deal with the one trauma from childhood 😖 And also, they don't deserve your understanding. You are makimg space for how they feel and aknowledging their experience while they wholly and repeatedly disregard your experience and your feelings. It is horrendous. You deserve for people to take you seriously and make space for you

Yikes. I sincerely hope I never hear a confession like that from a patient. I've had the victims of abuse refusing colonoscopy because of past abuse "down there" or MRI because they were shut in cupboards as a child. Not yet had an abuser fess up to me. Now I'm going to think about this and consider my response, just in case.

My bio mom is such a doormat of a person. She allowed people who abused her children to have access to us, even knowing what happened. She forced us to always forgive and forget. Except when it came to her accepting that her kids are LGBTQIA. She refuses to talk to me until I forgive her for dead naming me and refusing to accept that I am a lesbian. Haven't heard from her since Christmas. And I won't be running to her side anytime soon or forgive her for her treatment of me and my brother.

@HolisticLady-kh2im

Жыл бұрын

So she's cool with pedos but not that you're a lesbian? Wtf is wrong with people!

@thecupcakefoxblog

10 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry for what you’ve been through but eternally glad you can see the hypocrisy in your mom. You have so much strength and I hope you find a good family, one you deserve!

Austin might be the character who gets sent to comfort distressed patients but he didn’t lie or hesitate to tell him the honest truth and I respect that.

As a victim I patiently await the death of my abuser. Having a past employed at a hospital, I've also seen the reactions of family members leaving patients to die alone. You really nailed this one! Great job!

@MyFiddlePlayer

10 ай бұрын

This sketch brought back a lot of emotions for me too. One elderly patient who had a massive stroke didn't have any visitors at all until his daughter appeared one day, introduced herself, and in the next sentence asked "when can we turn him off?" We tried to explain that he wasn't on life support, we should explain his condition and options to you, blah blah and she interrupted us with a screed about "since you don't know him, this is what he's really like". Turns out he was a raging alcoholic who was physically abusive toward the whole family. When she went into his room, she told him off and walked out, then signed DNR papers and never came back.

@MiaMia-rx9dw

9 ай бұрын

​@@MyFiddlePlayerWow! I just don't think I could ever be this heartless even to someone who horribly abused me & my family. I think I would just leave it up to God🤷‍♀️

@pennyc11

9 ай бұрын

@@MiaMia-rx9dw Obviously, you were not so abused. What if's do not count.

@vaska1999

8 ай бұрын

​@@MiaMia-rx9dwHeartless? You don't understand the meaning of that word!

@MiaMia-rx9dw

8 ай бұрын

@pennyc11 I just believe that nobody should be alone when they die and that being the bigger person is better than continuing the hatred. It may soften their heart to see ypu there before they pass.

This a good reminder that people shouldn’t judge what they don’t know. My grandparents died without any of the grandkids wanting to see them or even go to their funerals. They were vile people and did horrible things. I don’t care what people say, they didn’t deserve to have family there.

Some of us are very sick and tired of being told ‘family is everything’. If someone doesn’t have the same healthy bond with their family you do, don’t judge them negatively for it. Just feel lucky, and maybe invite them in.

Yup, almost exactly that happened at our hospital, there was a "nice" old guy in the geriatrics ward, but he was in a really bad shape, his biggest wish was to see his granddaughter. Well, we called the family, in the beginning the daughter just straight out refused. Everyone got super pissed about it, because oh oh, poor old lonely guy. When the staff tried to push her a bit she went completely ballistic. Completely understandable.The "nice" old guy had molested his daughter when she was about the granddaughters age. We see lonely old people all the time, but seeing how many people have actually treated their children badly or worse, I wonder how many of them completely deserve their loneliness.

What I've learned in nearly 30 years of working in healthcare is that the patient that you've bonded with and see as a "nice old man or woman" may not have been so nice when they were younger. I have also learned to not judge families or individuals when they refuse to come to see their family member even at end of life. We don't know what happened in that patients past that caused a rift and I would hate to cause additional trauma to a survivor of abuse by trying to force contact with their abuser no matter how much that person may have changed.

@grenade8572

Жыл бұрын

My mom is a nurse in a nuesing home. In my childhood, she used to complain about families wgo becer visit their old relative one. One day, she came back from home, and of nowhere told me: "WE CAN NEVER KNOW WHY PEOPLE DON'T WANT TO VISIT THEIR RELATIVE. YOU CAN'T PRESSURE THEM". I was: wut? I don't know what she witnessed that day...

Thank you for this. My dad was an awful dad. When I was around 7 he got strung out on drugs. I won't go into detail but I will say this, my aunts blamed his bad behavior on the drugs when it was convenient to do so. They all knew the situation I was in and did nothing to help me. When my dad's lifestyle eventually caught up with him they were calling me every day to take him in. At this point in my life, I had grown up and put the past behind me. That included cutting him out of my life completely. I had not seen this man but twice in like 20 years and only because my brother passed away and he was hoping to collect. Anyway, I refused to take him in. They ended up putting him in a nursing home 2 miles away from my home. He spent a year and a half there and not once did I go to visit or even call to check on him. In my aunts' eyes, I was and still am the worst. They kept trying to force me to reconcile with him and I stopped dealing with them. When he died and since I have not nor will I shed one single tear. I don't have a relationship with that side of my family and I am fine with that because I refuse to let them or anyone tell me how I should feel about the things that happened to me in my life.

Family doesn't always mean by blood. You don't have to love someone just because they're related to you. And someone can be family even if they're not related at all. If someone is toxic to your life, leave them. It's easier said than done, way easier... And it's even harder to stay strong through it all, but you can.