Core Stories: The Most Underrated Way to Change Your Life (Identity Shifting)
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There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself.
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VIDEO PREVIEW
I can't emphasize enough how important this subject is. Once you see how it's affecting you, we'll discuss a 'film strip' of your life. We're also going to explore core stories and where they come from. Most people are running on three or four core stories, and that's it. These stories are literally controlling your entire life. I'll even pose a question or two on how you can address these issues.
We often hear about the need to fix your limiting beliefs. It's all a mindset game, right? Here's why that perspective is flawed: you work in three layers-your thoughts, emotions, and core stories. Thoughts are on the outside, what we'll call beliefs. If you believe in yourself enough, you might take actions to build your business. If you have better thoughts, then you might feel successful or content. But it's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing. What's behind thoughts? Emotions.
Take driving, for example. When you're in a bad emotional state, your thoughts and actions change based on that emotion. Your thoughts are like files on a computer, and your emotions are the folders they're stored in. Change your emotion, and you'll notice your thinking changes as well.
But there's one more layer, and that's what this whole video is about. What do you think this first layer is? It's your core story, also known as your identity or self-image. This is the most crucial element. Why does rewiring limiting beliefs often feel ineffective? Why does positive thinking feel so hard when we're in a low vibe? It's because most people try to change from the outside in, from layers three to one. But the fastest way you can change your entire identity and your life is to go from the inside out, from level one to three. When you change your story, your emotions and thoughts change too.
Before we dive deeper into these concepts, let's briefly touch on what I mean by 'stories.' Since the dawn of humanity, information has been passed down through stories. This is literally how our brains evolved to store information-not with just ones and zeros like a computer, not with just linear thinking or absolute fact and logic. These are all tools, but we developed through passing down stories orally before written language. It was passed down around a campfire. Think of the last movie you watched. You probably can't recount every factual event that happened, but you can summarize the plot because that's what genuinely happens.
In your life, have you ever questioned the story you're telling yourself about you? Let's continue exploring how your brain works because this is very important. Are you getting this? I hope this is making sense. You're essentially right here.
Пікірлер: 349
There's a saying, 'It's not the thing; it's the thing behind the thing.' Have you ever noticed that in your life, it's not that you procrastinate, but rather the fear of it going wrong causes you to put things off? It's not that you're scared of relationships, but you're scared to get your heart ripped out. We call that 'the thing behind the thing,' and in this video, we're diving deep into the stories you tell yourself. Here's the free "coffee shop" questions guide I mention in the vid: www.clarkkegley.com/free-questions The Best of Series | 10-years In The Making: kzread.info/head/PL2LyGQJuIOzBPhuyGXx8CnSvr1CHyXkIg MY FAVORITE TOOLS 🟣 Book List - read if you want to grow - kit.co/clarkkegley/best-books-2024 🔴 KZread Gear - how I film my videos - kit.co/clarkkegley/youtube-gear 🔴 Studio Gear - make filming easier - kit.co/clarkkegley/studio-gear 🟡 Shortform - my fav book summaries - shortform.com/clark ⚫ Notion - my digital "second brain" -
@pjm101
21 күн бұрын
So interesting. I always thought I was terrible in math and now I know why I thought that. Just the other day my friend and I were adding our golf scores and I added mine faster in my head than she did on her calculator. Now if you can only help me with my golf, I'll watch THAT video.
I am a doctor of clinical psychology. This teaching from Clark is pure psychological gold. I could not have explained it better.
@robertsepulveda9361
27 күн бұрын
If I had to sum up what therapy tries to help clients understand in order to achieve growth and change, this is it.
@richardcardinale7152
23 күн бұрын
Im a student of my internal realms. It's basic self knowledge.
@Awareness_With_Dennis
18 күн бұрын
Dang you spent thousands of dollars to learn psychology when he read books at home for free and is able to teach better than you?……our school system is broken
@skullchick911
18 күн бұрын
Seems as such to me as well
@dr.wesbeavi
17 күн бұрын
@@Awareness_With_Dennis I spent nine years of university education, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and endured 4,000+ hours of clinical supervision to become trained and licensed to diagnose and provide evidence-based clinical treatments for people suffering from suicidal ideation, debilitating panic attacks, and marriages headed for divorce. Your comment reveals vast ignorance about the professional practice of psychology.
Tony Robbins wrote that the only thing holding you back from what you want is your story about why you can’t have it.
@AncientIntegrations
25 күн бұрын
Have you ever gotten a narcissist or psychopath to identity shift?
@blood_sausage9620
24 күн бұрын
@@AncientIntegrationsto heal them?
@AncientIntegrations
24 күн бұрын
@@blood_sausage9620 to completely turn them into who they aren’t and shift their identity. I don’t think they’re unhealed. I think calling those diseases is a western construct, but did their identity shift?
@richardcardinale7152
23 күн бұрын
@@AncientIntegrationsI'm trying myself..
@AncientIntegrations
23 күн бұрын
@@richardcardinale7152 I know. For all the academically rigorous this guy is claiming to be he couldn’t stomach my comment or hold space for a reality that conflicts with his rigid world view. So I don’t think identity shifting happened at its core level for him either.
Amazing! Thanks a bunch! My mom abandoned me and my brother at a sitter when I was 7 years old. I have thought that I was unlovable my whole life. I realized that my mom was fleeing her life. Not me. I am amazing and lovable.
@susangrande8142
29 күн бұрын
Yes, you are! 💖😘😍 It’s wonderful that you found that new perspective! 🙏 Your mom’s action had nothing to do with who you really are.
@susanlynn6545
26 күн бұрын
Absolutely. She couldn't handle life at that time. It had nothing to do with you. Sorry that happened. Live a good, self care, happy life now.
@Msrojo1004
23 күн бұрын
♥️
@methree123
23 күн бұрын
This comment/responses helped me out, too. Wow! I feel a true release. And insight into my flighty behaviors as well. Changing my story today.
@Mantras-and-Mystics
22 күн бұрын
@@methree123 You are awesome! You've always been a beautiful soul and you always will be. Sending love from the South Pacific Islands ❤️🌴💚🌴💙🌴💛🌴❤️🌴💚
"It is not what happens to you, it's what you do with it"
your story about math trauma is making me question my entire "dyscalculia" diagnosis. i KNOW i can do math when i’m not afraid of it. thank you for sharing, i'd never heard that term til now. keep it up ♡
@Dapryor
Ай бұрын
That’s interesting. Can you elaborate on how that manifests for you?
@pixiwix
29 күн бұрын
Hey, respect to you for not just making excuses and taking the easy way out like so many people do! I was terrible at math until halfway through college when I changed my attitude towards it. I'm still not GREAT at it, but I can do it at an advanced normal level. Good for you for critically assessing the situation! ❤
@crix_h3eadshotgg992
22 күн бұрын
If you can learn English you can learn Math. Good luck and good wishes!
@emmaterrestrial892
22 күн бұрын
@@pixiwix this is really kind of you to say, thank you sm ^.^
@dawnbrooks2936
21 күн бұрын
My husband had this issue. I didn’t know it has a name.
I just realized I’ve been on the planet 52 years, believing and perpetuating ideas about who I am, conceived by my mother’s abusive Borderline Personality Disorder. I know she was sick, yet I’ve held her distorted ideas about my worth all these years
@stevecarter8810
20 сағат бұрын
And it goes all the way down, right? Your tools for living are broken, and your tools for fixing your tools don't work, and your tools for fixing THAT are suspect.. It's a lifelong puzzle, better enjoy working on it!
As a 9/11 survivor, I greatly appreciate this information. It took me 20 hrs to finally do something about my story and I was able to in 90 days.
I've read multiple books and watched a hundred videos on identity and self-help, but this one really hit it out of the park! After this comment I'm going to walk into the city, get myself a dedicated journal and start asking myself "I can't, because... ?" Instant sub, excited to watch more of your vids (after the walk)
I am "better" than loads of people at lots of things. There is no value in that. There will always be SOMEONE better at SOMETHING than I am. The true value lies in ME being better than I was YESTERDAY.
This is an appealing way to think about self-improvement. I like stories and have successfully communicated with others through stories, but communicating with myself? That's new. So, what's my story? I left home at the age of 13 because I didn't like being beaten (...and don't worry, I had a safe place to go.) That has been my core story for 50 years and it's kind of a sad story, a victim's story, poor me, if things don't go right what do you expect? HOWEVER another way to tell the story is "I did not like being beaten, so I figured out how to make the changes necessary to make it better" ... covers the same facts, but doesn't it feel stronger? My story means that when something doesn't seem right, I figure out a way to fix it. If it works, yay me, if it doesn't work, oh well, there's always another problem to solve tomorrow. It's a good way to live - I just needed help seeing that. Thanks for giving me the idea of telling myself a better story.
@richardcardinale7152
23 күн бұрын
You got a shitty starting life , you unlock super achievement and now you have super admin power. Use it wisely , you can now create any story you want.
Damn..I learned so much through this breakdown. I have been doing a lot of self-development the last seven years and never seen it broke down like this. You have an amazing way of being to articulate and breakdown to help anyone and their journey of healing. Thank you sooooo much for this! I’m saving this baby!
“ has she really avoided pain or has she made her life more painful?” wow
I am a certified NLP and Hypnotherapist and man your videos are the best. I hardly watch long videos but yours are pure learning. Awesomeness packed
It's pretty nice having someone lay out inner work in such a clean and concise manner.
Wow. I've been believing in a contamination story for the last 16 years...I have been trying to reframe it, and I think you just helped me give it a better meaning. Love your videos Clark, thank you for all you do on this channel!
Our stories have shaped us precisely into who we are, today, in this very moment. And those stories serve us... for a time. They protect us and help us cope. Inevitably there comes a point along our personal growth adventure where we *have to* change our story (therefore our identity) if we're no longer enjoying and benefitting from the patterns and manifestations appearing in front of us, which we then call our life. Not easy to do, but it's possible if you're determined to really turn things around for yourself. 🙌 (Also, the karate photo from when you were a kid, lol. Classic.)
My takeaways - Change your story and it will change your emotions that will change your thought. - Give me a boy tull age of 7 and i will show you the man - Story we tell to ourself is either contamination or commitment. Most people is first one. Thanks Clark for sharing good content.
@lijh
Ай бұрын
Well if your story is Shucked & anyway you spin it is garbage, there's a slim chance in Hell the emotion & Thoughts will get anywhere healthy & happy. Based off of TRUTH. The Happy LIES may lead to a seemingly "good life" but there is definitely an Afterlife.
@calista1280
27 күн бұрын
@@lijh You totally missed the point: As Wayne Dyer says: Change your thoughts & change your Life. He wrote a whole book on how to do it! It doesn't matter if up to now you struggled with a crappy life. You can turn it around in this instant! Because your attitude causes a reaction. So by having a better attitude your life will improve. Mel Robbins also gives daily Life Improvement tips... I'm Living Proof, after a painful accident with long term suffering. I have finally Healed my Body, Mind & Soul to Live my Best Life Ever!!!
@rowanmulvey8632
27 күн бұрын
Unfortunately some people are not yet ready to change their choices. Everybody has choices, they may not all be great choices, but they are choices none the less. It takes courage to explore a different path, each person finds that courage and comes to it in their own time.
@Mantras-and-Mystics
22 күн бұрын
All choices are equally valid. We are all where we need to be right now! 😄
Ahaaaa! You’ve set out the simplest, clearest and most direct explanation of the human response to life at a time it’s most needed! Congratulations…. You’re making a difference. Thank you Clark.🤩 Be well, prosper in all things and lead on.
What I got out of this was the following: I always believed, or must have learned or head somewhere, that Thoughts come first and are the driving force behind emotions, which then leads to the story we tell ourselves, This is a very interesting re examination of that structure, Thanks man, much appreciated. WIll try to put into practice ~
This video is another mind-blowing video for me. When I ask myself the question "I can't because" I realized that I have negative story about not being good at math and that eventually become the "truth". Anyway, thanks for the video!
The bit about humility is so freeing.
@connectropy
27 күн бұрын
16:29 "Man, there's a ton of growth in humility." Yeah, I caught that too! 😊
You have been through "pain" yourself, but instead of becoming a victim, you wanted to know the reasons "why are things, the way they are". You probably looked for literature, and experiences to find the answers, and here you are now! Only someone who has been through "pain" can elaborate as clearly as you have here. It seems to be filled with much wisdom, but also practical and clear. Thank you for sharing the knowledge and wisdom you have accumulated. By the way, Dr.Victor Frankl was an Austrian Psychiatrist possessing an amazing personality - in his book "man's search for meaning", it clearly shows the depth of his knowledge, perspective and qualities of a highly evolved human being. Thank you for your great videos.
You are changing lives with your content, thank you for this one!
Clark, you knocked this ball to outer space.! Thank you so much for being you and giving to the community.
Love the substance Clark, don’t let the views discourage you from uploading consistent quality content
“I can’t because,” is hard because most motivational speakers, life coaches etc, are constantly telling us NOT to say or believe “I can’t,” but all that does is push our “I can’ts” into the shadow… we are always told NOT to say I can’t and not to look at why we feel we can’t… we don’t realize we have a core belief of “I can’t” because on their surface we are parroting back that we know we can.
Ugh great video! I’m working on getting over my immigrant limiting beliefs I grew up with. And life with someone who has the thorn they don’t want to take out and doing the work myself is hard as shit but trying to help them see how bad they’ve changed because of the thorn has been a real struggle.
I so totally saw myself in the thorn lady story. 100% me! Because I live with an anxiety and panic disorder, and over the years I have adjusted my life to accomodate these fears instead of fighting them. Mostly because the panic attacks are horrible, even getting worse with age, and I try to avoid them. Also, I'm not willing to numb myself with meds. But I am slowly, and gently trying to work on it all, because my life has become pretty monotone and lonely, yet I yearn for joy, laughter, exploration and an amazing socal life and love.
Started this video feeling really low and defeated. Now feeling empowered to supercharge my story. So much value here, thank you! ❤
You bringing up humility is soooooooooooooooo important!!!!!!! You nailed it!!!! Wow. Im going to do the i cant because exercise! Thank you for showing these mechanisms.
Clark, one of my favorite videos! That core beliefs diagram, great way to see what is broken and adjust.
Great video Clark. Makes sense and something I’ve intuitively started doing at the age of 52. The take away: revisit the thing behind the thing; analyse the lesson with applied perspective; realise it’s not what happened, but how you deal with it that counts.
This was very clearly explained and the visuals really helped. Many thanks 🙏
Great video for first thing in the morning before I interact with the world. Gonna get my journal and ask the question for these four most important categories. Can’t wait to see my new outcome! Many thanks and see you on the journey!
WOW, Clark, that was AMAZING! That was a TRUE Master Class in 21 minures. You hit on sooo many wonders topics, and you tied it in beautifully.
This was very helpful! thank you for posting this! I’ll ask myself “I can’t apply to remote jobs genuinely because if I get an interview they will find me under qualified and not fit.” But to many times have I forgotten a fear after I accomplished something so it’s good to write down how u we’re feeling to see ur progress and connect a better redeeming story
Really well presented and explained - thank you
great video man, great content. And you have an attitude, a tone that is very reliable, very normal (in the best sense possible), non youtube-like, if you know what I mean. Great job, Thank you!
“Neurons that fire together, wire together.” ⭐️⭐️⭐️
Eye opening as always. Thank you for breaking it down and clarifying so much in so little time!
Great video man love the vibe
This was unbelievably helpful. Thanks!
17:25 - "I can't because..." That is a powerful exercise! Thank you!
@benevolentconcepts
17 күн бұрын
He literally gives zero guidance as to how to then actually change the story …. 🤷♀️✨
@saloshniejagathesan1577
17 күн бұрын
Do therapy, Shadow Work, affirmations, Psych K
Thank you for this video. Well done! I also love your natural and conversational tone.
Great video, Clark. Thank you.
You just gave me the answers I've been looking for a while. ❤
Great presentation! 10/10! Really well put together, thank you ❤ so many good tips and advice
Im glad the KZread algorithm brought this video to my feed! Btw I can relate to your math memory (I had undiagnosed ADHD and just didn’t connect to how it was taught). It’s telling how those things stick with us. I really appreciate how you don’t push simply being positive and using affirmations. Much more nuanced and practical approach ✨
I spent 5 years in grad school trying to communicate what you've said in 21 minutes 😂 Well done!
Great video! So happy I came across it. My key take away is remembering this is what I did 21 years ago. It was a dark period of my life that I wanted to change. So, I left my abusive husband and told myself a redemption story. I supported my two kids, working and completing my degree with little to no child support. It was rough for the first 5 years but it got better. I work for a university now, own a nice home and living comfortably. I know that the story I tell myself is very different than the story he tells himself. It’s too bad that the kids are influenced by his negative narratives. Thanks for sharing! I’ll pass it along to others.
You are an incredible storyteller ❤ thank you for this video!! Clear and concise with a great reminder for me, personally. May you be blessed!
Enlifted coaching method shifts these disempowering stories to empowering stories. One gift I get to share with my clients 🥰
Since you asked, Yes, this IS useful and very good. I love how you showed the clip of the neural nets wiring together right there on the screen while you continued talking. Well done! I love technology! What we are capable of sharing and making clear to people today is amazing! Great video. I also felt stupid due to my teacher making me sit in class trying to figure out math all alone while everyone else got to go to recess. BTW, I teach this stuff too. I just want people to know that they are worth so much more and can have happy, satisfied accomplished lives when they learn the stuff like this that shows them that they can. Thanks for your great work and your attitude of valuing everyone the same . ❤
Yes this was helpful. For me the best take away is where you said "write down why you can't . . . . . . . (fill in yhe blank)" .
Powerful - it's always the thing behind the thing ❤
Great video. Thank you for sharing your wisdom in such a genuine way ❤
Clark love the videos, I truly look forward to them. You should make a video about FOMO. Think you’d crush it on that topic.
@clarkkegley
Ай бұрын
Great suggestion!
Such a great perspective and so true. Thank you
Great video Clark, inspiring and constructive ❤
Oh my God Clark, the same thing happened to me about the teacher and worse, she hit me in the head in front of all my peers. The trauma for me was fear of presenting myself in front of people. I was never afraid of maths I was afraid of embarrassment in front of people. I don’t tell my story in a contaminated way. I tell my story in a way that is so positive and I accept all and used it as a push to challenge myself further
This presentation is perfect! So many nuggets of wisdom in one, concise explanation of how we become who we are and how we can become who we need to be. Thank you Clark!
Brilliantly explained. Kudos to you.
Dude - i had math trauma - until same thing - Im running my business and I just got it -numbers were easy even fun for me and a strength! Love Micheal Singer 'untethered soul' - thanks for the reminder to revisist ❤ I'm healing being an avoidant - the core is a narc mother - I kept avoiding love to avoid further rejection. It's becoming more and more freeing to understand the why and release myself from it. It's showing up in my life as ultimate freedom of expression I haven't experienced since I was a young child and I'm deeply healing myself. Thx dude you're a breath of fresh air ❤
This is a great video, thanks Clark!
Thank you for this. I love your content and it has helped me out tremendously. Keep it up. God bless
My brain works when I listen to all the useful information you are teaching. If I am watching you- I get lost😂 thank you for the content! It’s the best ❤
Yes, this is very helpful video to expand your previous takes on this 😊
Great value! Great video! Thank you.
GENUINELY helpful content on your channel man. Thanks for the work you do!
❤🎉Bravo! I love your messages and delivery! Thank you!
This throws an epic reunderstanding of this quote from the Tao Te Ching: "Watch your thoughts for they create your actions, which create your habits, which create your character, which creates your destiny." *goal, purpose, spirit, ends, final cause - these are all synonyms. Everything proceeds towards its end (aka goal, spirit, final cause, purpose). By changing my destiny first, I change my goal, purpose, spirit, ends, and final cause. What do happiness and success mean to you?
One of the best videos I have seen on youtube. Thank you!
Great video 🤌 I like how you succinctly explained why therapists ask about your childhood - that it has total relevance to your “now” problems. I had never heard the contamination story concept before but it was immediately recognizable in my own struggles and the stories I have heard so many times from family members: wonderful insight. Victor Frankl is amazing and I’m always happy to see someone sharing his story and book- it’s one I would recommend 100% to anyone interested in growth/healing.
This is another reason why people are so bad or afraid of negotiation. It’s never really about the thing, it’s the thing behind the thing.
Your stuff is always awesome Clark, thanks!! 👏👏
Thank you Clark! This was awesome
Powerful video for me, thank you - and thanks for the book recommendation. I bought the audiobook and just sat and fully witnessed an amazing sunset while listening to it, and without a freaking peep from my roommate.😂
Thanks. I've been looking for something like this ever since I heard about identity shifting. I am going to try this, God willing. Thanks again.
Super helpful this morning! This is spot on for me personally. New sub here. Thanks for this succinct synopsis of my own negative self-talk💕
I have watched so many self help videos and this one is honest and I can see this might finally give me some help.
that "thoughts emotions stories " diagram is so easy to understand..its an eye opener. awesome perspective 👓
Love your teachings Clark, they are so easy to understand and apply to my life...
I needed to hear this exactly today. Thank you.
You are such an engaging communicator. Thank you.
Really helpful and useful video. Incredibly practical and forthright. I would love a video from this guy about how to uncover the real stories we hold about ourselves.
I don’t know how this could be any better. Thank you
Video hits all personal self-esteem goal posts. Well done
Honestly, the reason why I am subscribing right now is because you mentioned dumb and dumber. There’s something about humans that get that sense of humor and playfulness that makes me compelled to subscribe.
That picture of you as a kid is wonderful!! I can tell straight away we woulda been friends. That energy is 🔥
you are different bro, great work. keep going
Wow! Thank you so much for this information. Thank so much for sharing what u know 😊
Thank you. That's useful. I liked the drawing. Everything is so clear!
Very helpful video!! Thanks!! I have a lot of surface confidence but I still have underlying issues of worthiness I can't shake off.
This was incredibly helpful. Thank you!
That was the best diagram I've seen yet to explain this visually. Nice work!
I would add that it is your BELIEFS about your story that is at the core. That creates your thoughts and what emotions you have. BELIEFS about story.
Brilliant explanation !
You are a master!!!!! Big thank you for sharing this super class 😊
Good video Clark thank you