Do you remember when we were little kids and we'd look at adults like they had everything undercontrol, that they knew everything about life. The irony is that we as children were living our lives at its fullest while the adults were lost in their minds

@IAMinfiniteandfree.

3 жыл бұрын

Best comment of the year 😅👊

@wheredidjaniego8329

2 жыл бұрын

Never lose the kid it's a fate worse than death.

@tab0419

2 жыл бұрын

TY for this enlightening reminder!!

@jasjuaquin140

2 жыл бұрын

I dont remember that I grew up in dysfunction.

@kathleenkaleookalanismith8724

2 жыл бұрын

Wow!!! That’s so trueeeeeeeeeee! Holy crap!

Finally! A video that takes the blame away from the narcissist and shifts the responsibility back to us. Very needed video! Keep sharing!!!

@zebnemma

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. I feel like knowing how to identify a narc is just the first step towards freedom, but the codependency is just as important to adress or else you will just fall victim all over again. It's a two step program that I didn't know of! I'm glad I found this video today cuz I think this is an important puzzle piece I have been missing. I thought that if I just became an expert at identifying narcs I would be set free and I was wrong cuz I still have to work on myself also.

@sourceactivation2176

3 жыл бұрын

Afuckinmen!

@deankuz8986

3 жыл бұрын

Just another add for someone to take advantage of people who hurt. You should be ashamed of yourself

@tiffanysullivan5370

3 жыл бұрын

Heck yes don’t be a victim ! “Protecting ourself” is like separating yourself as a victim yet again instead of just living with or being apart a wide range of people .

@65022785

3 жыл бұрын

I used to blame all to the narcissistic, but then one day I realized I am codependant!!

I am co dependent and suffer from CPTSD as a result of profound neglect / childhood abuse. The message in this video is spot on regarding the cause and revealed substitutes and negative long term affect of running away from our pain. Pain, in its most emotional form is very hard to face, people will do anything and I mean anything (take recreational drugs, drink, gamble, work excessively, take steroids, cheat on their partners to feed their ego, lie, manipulate, play all sorts of games of denial) to evade and resist facing it. The affect is, to distracting and running away from pain, that it becomes the persons normal. This is how Narcissists and co-dependants are created, they are both running away from emotional trauma, but do it in 2 different ways. The Narc punishes others and uses them for supply, the co-dependent attempts to fix / love others to actually heal their own wounds, both are toxic patterns that just mask the original unresolved trauma. Co- dependants are easily manipulated because they have weak boundaries and low self esteem, these are the 2 areas any Co-dependant should focus on in recovery, the path to healing from the past trauma is long and hard, it takes a ruthless introspection few people are willing to invest. Looking at your own "Self Care" and making that a priority is very difficult for someone who has for all their best efforts in the past always believed "If I meet the right person I will be happy". Thinking a relationship will make you happy is the biggest illusion we can play on ourselves and this is not helped by decades of film, TV and songs regarding meeting "The one who will sweep me of my feet". Building a better relationship with your true "Self" is the first step in being capable of loving anyone in a healthy way, and that includes our children. Removing Toxic people from your circle and this includes family members, yes really, is the other essential step necessary in respecting your self and freeing up the energy you need to move on and froward. Hobby's, excise, healthy diet, sleep, and meditation and connection with people you trust are great things to focus on and maintain for good balance in your recovery from unresolved emotional trauma. These fundamentals lay a good foundation, and once these become the norm you ability to change your perception of your "Self" will start to be come easier, this stage is called re parenting and is necessary to re learn and accept new positive internal messages (usually the job of the super ego) and lay in new neural pathways that become beliefs. Only you can do this for your self, no one can do for / instead of you, it has to be your own journey.

@Vanessa-xo9zy

2 жыл бұрын

WOW!!! my heart dropped, thank you thank you!!!

@stilqncheto

2 жыл бұрын

thank you

@jadetierney3113

Жыл бұрын

This is me

@missbutts73

Жыл бұрын

Wow tyvm 😊 🙏

@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485

Жыл бұрын

Very good

The part (and my heart dropping into my stomach) when he said ignoring our purpose/ life blueprint and feeding into our distractions is what will cause deeper illness later has me SOOOO SHOOK!!!!

@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231

3 жыл бұрын

Eeep

@IsitReallyrealreally

3 жыл бұрын

Yeah. It gets bad. Do it asap!

@therespectedlex9794

3 жыл бұрын

If that diagram makes sense, then it's very impressive (lol).

@Ahriman216

3 жыл бұрын

_Shook_

@aaronslingerland4924

2 жыл бұрын

Yup just found out today I have codependency and hid it.

I’m codependent with relationships, alcohol, marijuana, my phone, youtubers, social media, my dog. Literally everything. I’m tired of it

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks for sharing your radical honesty. Being honest with yourself is the key towards lasting change. I advice you to watch the 4 fundamental videos regarding breaking free from fear, pain, addicting distractions and consequential dis-eases @ www.alive-academy.com, including a free tool to get past any kind of symptom of fear. Enjoy your complete liberation process from the very inside out!

@RAHHicecream

4 жыл бұрын

I love your video. It gave me a very useful visual. I need to sit with my painful feelings instead of running away from them. I’m going to start meditating every day for at least 20 minutes to help make my codependent thoughts not run my life

@caffieneaddict8716

3 жыл бұрын

@@RAHHicecream I need to continue doing this myself. I still have parts that need to heal, but as I scroll through my journaling, I can see how far I've come and that is such a rewarding feeling

@nachogaming8798

3 жыл бұрын

Same I am too much addicted to my dog causing seperation anxiety in him

@rachelraja1032

3 жыл бұрын

Me to! But it's time to fix that nonsense 😀

i m an addiction counsellor and this is exactly how any suffering, emotional, mental or physical can be solved and balanced. This is one of the most useful videos for any kind of recovery, well done 👍🏼

@RyanSinn

5 жыл бұрын

What did you find to be the most beneficial / useful part of this video? What do you think people could actually use to help solve their co-dependency? Concrete information please, not just steps 1] sick and step 3] healed ... looking for step 2] the cure.

@itchyscratch6328

4 жыл бұрын

Look up Spartanlifecoach on KZread and what he says/offers on emotional literacy

@urbansetter1

4 жыл бұрын

I didnt think it was very useful. I am healing my codependency and I find it is much more complicated then this. Most codependents are lacking self and grieving is huge in healing codependency. You have to heal a childhood that you most likely never had. Addicts are trauma survivors and codependents suffer attachment trauma. This was an oversimplified sales pitch. Listen to Lisa Romano. Shes the real deal when it comes to codependency.

@angeliquedemeijere5980

3 жыл бұрын

@@urbansetter1 I agree this is more about relation addiction not about deep codependency.

@adarshamehta4164

3 жыл бұрын

Hello... can anyone answer my question? When you are spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially stable, you don't feel like you need someone in your life. since you are filled with self love, self care, self respect, self confidence, you don't need to receive all these from other. But still why do people get married or get into relationships even though they are stable in every aspect of their life?!

I love it when you heal and everybody else gets mad. It is jealousy directed at you for being free from fear and their control. Folks if people get mad for being yourself and healing from past wounds, they may not even know those problems exisisted. Keep healing and working through your own pain. The inner peace and joy do come.

@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823

5 жыл бұрын

Yup, you'll make a lot of people mad and longtime "friends" you ask to stop griping about the same thing every time you hear from.them will dump you.

@Zarathustran

4 жыл бұрын

My narcopath mother told me to go to therapy. It helped me finally figure out what she was. I said quite a bit to her after that and of course none of it registered for her she owed no apology had done nothing wrong yada yada, but it did feel good to say “guess what, therapy WORKS”.

@supzcapri

4 жыл бұрын

Especially the person who were codependent on...when they see change and go mad, it's pure bliss😂

@endlessreign

4 жыл бұрын

@@Zarathustran exactly the same story. I feel you

@MrElhamer

3 жыл бұрын

Right on Jason

I didn't realize I was codependent until I was in a very good relationship with a great person and I still felt miserable and exhausted. I knew it was something I had to fix within me at that point (even though I didn't know what was going on or the term). I love this because it gets straight to the point.

I feel like this is correct, but it’s missing a huge component of the root issue. After going into deep meditation, I realized that a lot of my codependency stems from childhood wounds that are centered around survival. I learned as a child that the only way I could survive is to conform to what other people around me want in order to get my needs met and if that meant completely losing who I was and becoming a different person to suit my caregivers needs than that is what I did . When my need for love is finally met by a romantic partner. I then become malleable to the point where they can turn me into whoever they want because I’ll do anything to keep getting that need met. It’s some thing that I learned as a child to survive. It is literally a survival mechanism for me. I also learned by watching my mom interact with my dad. They also have a codependent relationship. It’s not just a distraction. It’s a learned behavior. It’s a survival mechanism.

@hasjbergen8428

5 ай бұрын

I have exactly the same what you described.. the only thing left is, how to heal from that ?

My fear is that I'll never have a mutually fulfilling connection because others and myself are so wounded. And that I'll forever attract emotionally manipulative people. It's been a year of intense work on my own healing, and I'm still attracting either people who want to use me, or no one at all. No one wants to be alone forever.

@saetae9208

5 жыл бұрын

Take your focus off of it. U may be working on u but focused on others. U will attract healthy people, because u are somebody others want to know. Disarm the fear of being alone.

@TheSkepticalIdealist

5 жыл бұрын

I know exactly how you feel Veronica

@Averygodsgift

5 жыл бұрын

Here is an in depth series that teaches you and gives you tools on how to heal codependency. kzread.info/head/PLzv0Lg7KHzo_sYYFdHcp3skHg3lhC9pNp

@ShareTheMystery

5 жыл бұрын

TheSkepticalIdealist .. me too!

@anthonyhurtado7358

5 жыл бұрын

I don't want to live alone forever, that's a fact! I do want to let go of all the crap I have been carrying with me in every relationship. 5 kids from the 3 different woman and many women in between. Many I have broken with and 2 that I loved the most broke up with me. I was looking for a mother figure in all women accept the last one, she was the one I wanted and still do but she and I broke up because of me being insecure with the men she skied with. my upbringing fucking sucked and I took it out on the women I dated or fell in love with or was it need? Today I am working on myself, I know I can get a decent woman in time but I will remain single until I know I can trust myself and my partner. I do fear women leaving me but I have worked on myself every day since my ex-girlfriend and I broke up. I am getting used to being alone in fact it's getting to be comfortable being able to get up early and work on myself. I do know how I can pick up decent women because I am more confident in myself. Some of the women I thought I could never talk to I can now without fear. this is a big change for me. I surprise myself at times when this happens. Yes, I still am afraid of being rejected and I still have a lot of work to do with myself. I received no love from my parents just a lot of beatings. I never got any affections or any compliments from my parents and to top it off I spent time in Iraq where shit blew me away. I lost my ex-wife I have PTSD. I am grateful for Alive academy and all the people who make an effort to help us heal from codependency. I am working on myself as I write this...I feel it in my heart I am healing from my pain and i will find me partner I will spend the rest of her life with. Thank you!!

You know...through all the bullshit and abuse my narcissist gave me, she did say things that were 100% true. She told me that nobody can fill that hole inside me except myself, and when I called her out on being an abuser she said “omg get over yourself, stop being a victim and take responsibility for how you feel. I can’t control your emotions, nor do I want to, you’re doing it to yourself, it’s your own fault”. That ironic moment when something someone says can be both abusive and healthy at the same time....I hate that she was right lol

@originforces

3 жыл бұрын

That’s called gaslighting... no matter how tru it is... it’s still changing the subject and making it your ‘fault’ instead of having an honest discussion

@mandolaa4855

3 жыл бұрын

@@originforces i agree

@therespectedlex9794

3 жыл бұрын

Doesn't matter how helpful someone is, your choices and business are your own. Now, to convince myself that ignoring a council homelessness officer is alright, because I think they've gas lit me. Hey ho, it's so similar with lots of people who work in 'social care'.

@therespectedlex9794

3 жыл бұрын

Doesn't matter how helpful someone is, your choices and business are your own. Now, to convince myself that ignoring a council homelessness officer is alright, because I think they've gas lit me. Hey ho, it's so similar with lots of people who work in 'social care'.

@fairythegreenone7265

3 жыл бұрын

That was definitely deflecting and gaslighting... typical, cold, compassionless, narcissistic, brutal strategy. Anything can be said...but it's the way it's said that clearly defines your partner as a narcissist.

I am coming out of a codependent relationship, myself being the "empath". I have been taking in (way too many) videos that have been demonizing people like my ex as narcissists. Even though it helped me answer questions I had and further understand our behaviors, I found myself still angry and wounded. What I like about this video is that it places the blame squarely on the individual, no finger pointing (unlike the other videos I watched). What I noticed TOO, is that at any given point, this person here can be talking about either one of the two individuals in a codependent relationship - both people become manipulative, experience a need for distraction, and have the fear of abandonment. It confirms the fact that both people in a codependent relationship are equally responsible. I come out of this slightly less resentful towards my ex. We're both pretty unhealthy. I can live a bit more freely now, and hopefully I follow through with the work I have cut out for me. Thank you for this excellent, level content

@abbyabroad

2 жыл бұрын

I totally agree!! I know I am a year late on this comment, but I once wed a narcissist and then spent a decade AFTER the divorce blaming him for my lasting pain. Now I am dating a healthy guy and have screwed it up because I never worked through the codependency that landed me with the narcissist in the first place

Everything he outlines is true. However, he puts the Cart before the Horse. He doesn't get at the root of the Co-Dependency - Fear of Abandonment. Our caregivers abused us or neglected us so we were groomed to people please to receive the (unconditional) love and validation our Parents never gave us. We go through our lives acting out that Life Script surrounding ourselves with Narcissists that mirror our Parents. We get tied up and constantly triggered by these Toxic People and never can get out of the Cycle and cannot heal. Walk away from these Toxic People and Situations and become the "bad guy", giving up the People Pleasing will put you on the Path to healing.

@ShareTheMystery

5 жыл бұрын

JJ Flash . Exactly where I am... thank you!‼️

@mrschmidt8384

5 жыл бұрын

2:43 - 3:17 "being codependent comes down to one thing. Did fear ever cross your mind? Fear that you will be abandoned" - he does get at the root of codependency. Not sure why you seem to have missed about half a minute of him talking & why you're saying he doesn't. I'll assume this was an accident & wish you the best of healing.

@penelopelambson9128

5 жыл бұрын

JJ Flash well said. And gaining awareness requires identifying toxic people, labeling them so we have a frame of reference and can extricate ourselves from the chaos created around us.

@maryrosemitchell9682

5 жыл бұрын

Yes but leaving is not enough. You have to heal your inner wounds otherwise you will continue to have a self love deficit which causes attraction to toxic people and people pleasing. How do you heal your wounds? This is what he left out. You must be willing to accept what is without running from it. Meditation and mindfulness is the key to help you allow everything to be as it is .Understand that your caretakers who abused or neglected you did the best they could with poor parenting skills as they were also abused or neglected. Forgive them. We all have the only level of consciousness we are capable of having in each moment. If you are insecure you try to be worthy through your need to please others . If you do this all the time then you become resentful. see that you are living in fear. If you are afraid of saying no to anyone then you are not in an honest relationship. Love all parts of yourself and you won’t mind at all who loves you. You will be liberated and free. Never give to others because you “should” or because you want them to see how terrific you are. Don’t be self sacrificing so others will think you are great. This is not authentic. Learn to say no and only give or do things for others if you feel 100 percent good about it. Otherwise you are not being honest with yourself or others and you will find yourself surrounded by fake relationships that you always fear will end.

@penelopelambson9128

5 жыл бұрын

maryrose mitchell good thoughts. Esp re authenticity. 🌺

Wow! This really speaks to me! Years ago, I left a relationship where I was being bullied emotionally and physically. I didn't have a supportive family and had no support from them at all. My family of origin was emotionally abusive, so I was set up for this. I was relieved to be free of my abuser, but loneliness caught up with me and I ended up getting straight into another massively unhealthy relationship so I wouldn't be alone. Then another one. And another one. And so on. Wish I had realised what my REAL problem was. Then I could have used my time building myself and my life up instead of wasting more years on one unsuitable partner after another. This video is amazing. I have spent years thinking I was just unlucky in attracting bad men and other women just had all the luck. Turns out the problem is within ME! What a profound revelation. I can DO something about this. I can DO something about myself! Thank you so, so much!

@mybeautifuljourney7540

6 жыл бұрын

respected gentlewoman Goodluck

@onamiilove777

4 жыл бұрын

The fact that you show awareness leads you on the road to self love and worthiness. I finally know what it, is , too love myself and feel joy. I'm am free.

@Abazions

Жыл бұрын

❤

Everything he said was like he was describing me. Fear of abandonment, wearing myself with distractions to keep from feeling so lonely, convincing myself that what I do is my identity and that the moment I stop doing, I cease to matter to anyone. And he's absolutely correct that the only was to break free of this habit it to admit that I'm not being true to my feelings. Here's the problem...he is speaking from the place of light at the end of the tunnel. For those of us still in the dark, it's hard to see how liberating life in the light can be. For those of you who have children, it's very much like tell your teenager that he/ she will look back at the advice you gave them and have admit that you were right. What teenager in the midst of his teenage years can possibly imagine life beyond his current reality? Just like what person, man or woman struggling with deep emotional dependency can imagine a life of independent happiness and fulfilment? Fear of being not good enough is a terrible companion, but for the one walking thru the long, dark tunnel...a terrible companion is better than being completely alone.

@alive-academy

5 жыл бұрын

I understand Kevin, that in darkness it's hard to imagine how it must be to see. That's why I created 4 (free) videos to give you (in)sight at: www.alive-academy.com

The day my friend said - why do you choose to live in fear? I was shocked by the truth. He was right. I decided I was going to admit my fear. I felt like I had been released from a prison I had locked myself in. The most amazing thing happened when I began to admit my short comings or struggles:people threw me a life line. When my foster son was dying my neighbors helped with my yard, meals childcare etc. What I learned was “people that need people are the most wonderful people in the world”. Embracing the pain and letting it come, grieving and letting it go. Through a counselor for trauma victims I was able to learn to love myself and accept my weaknesses and learn my strengths. My life has blossomed as a result.

Good video. But honestly some people need to make large changes to stop being codependent. I did. I got rid of all of the narcissists and negative people in my life & was left with very few friends. It was in that time that I realized I was codependent & I worked on it. Was it scary as hell? Yes. But the best thing I've EVER done in my entire life. And you're right. We need to be able to cope with our true pain without masking it through drugs, alcohol, over-working, etc. And then we need to release these emotions through writing, counseling, sharing our story with others, finding a creative outlet, letting ourself feel our triggers instead of avoiding them or suppressing them.

@evieferbin2130

5 жыл бұрын

Going through this right now. Took too long to reach this space but already feeling lighter

@Lisa-qw4ox

5 жыл бұрын

Well Liv you have a connection support group somewhere? Would love to join. I’m in this ridiculous state of mind that’s driving me crazy.

@Lisa-qw4ox

5 жыл бұрын

Oh wait. I see your post is a year old. Whoops

@singlechickprepping5013

5 жыл бұрын

This scares me so much, i am so scared of being alone bc i would have to get rid of so many people

@Mars-cs5dp

5 жыл бұрын

@@singlechickprepping5013 I find it interesting how you can label a narcissist but couldn't label yourself co-dependent...which means their narcissism that you connected to, wanted, and fantasized about. But "co-dependent" never want to admit that in themselves lol You're a lot closer to the narcissism than you think, a lot closer in CHARACTER.

My codependency stopped when I realized the resentment that builds up and is lashed out on the people closest to you looks identical to narcissism. Your face to the world is pleasing but if my husband challenged that mask I would become angry. I would deflect, cry, go into self-harm mode, hold onto fights and never resolve them. And it got worse when he really needed me and got sick or hurt. Having too much responsibility for him in these times would cripple me and on the outside it looked like I hated him for being weak and making me help. Because thats what I would think about myself if I was in the same position. There’s so much pain in every facet of your connections with people because that right there is the key. You think that people will leave you if they see the ugliness, but no. Thats your unforgiving thoughts against your own undesirable aspects. Thats you abandoning yourself for not being perfect. While you do this you will only ever half-love others. I realized how conditional my own love was toward my husband, and thusly myself.

I'm a 63yr old guy with a trail of messed up relationships. This video made me weep. I hate being Codependent, its like a life sentence of pain and giving only so I can get some type, any type, of love back. I've just come out of another messed up relationship where I knew I was getting manipulated, this time for money, but of course I went along with it because 'if I'm really accommodating & giving she'll realise what a nice guy I am and she'll love me back'. Utter, utter crap. 63 and I still refuse to accept that a lot of people are just out for what they can get and will do whatever (yes, whatever and really fake they're enjoying it too) necessary to achieve it. I often hate myself for being this way. I'm hopelessly lost and scared. Its no way to live.

@alive-academy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks for your radical honesty. Once we stop focussing on the other, but on resolving our own unsolved emotions that surface in relation to others, we are going in the direction of complete relief and liberation. I suggest you to watch my 4 free videos regarding flushing out the root cause once and for all, without having to re-live it @ www.alive-academy.com 😊❤️💎🙏🍀

@filhademaria3326

2 жыл бұрын

@@alive-academy it’s exactly what I’m doing. It does work. God bless you for what you do!

@filhademaria3326

2 жыл бұрын

Hi there, do follow his advice. Prayers sent.

@cristymakes6026

2 жыл бұрын

Youre going to feel a lot of sheer terror at the thought of walking away from someone. Thats good, walk away and face that fear. Face the fear of being a bad guy. The alternative is that fear consuming you. One thing i told myself was why do i have to monopolize being the good girl in every situation? I made myself infallible by being nice and pleasing. But i am fallible. No one else sets that expectation on me but me.

@anonymousmoon7863

Жыл бұрын

My best friend if thirty years is similar. He goes from one seedy woman to the next. He is incapable( ATM) of developing romantic feelings for healthy women. I assisted him into getting into therapy. He's going. I hope that you are in a better place now. Blessings. 🤗

Omg this explains so much about me 😫😫😫😫 I never ever thought the issue was me, I thought it was my narc’s fault. I got into so much debt by trying to satisfy myself with stupid things that never last forever. I keep seeking that happiness. I start projects to get rid of my restlessness but never finish them. I am so restless. I keep thinking that a man will save me and make me happy. WOW! Thank you 🙏🏼

Well I was feeling so down and I knew that there's something that is going on and I I asked God to help me and then I realized that it's literally codependency so I searched on it and found your video and it just blows my mind because it hits every single thing that's going on right on the head and not only did you pinpoint the exact problems with Precision but you offered up Perfection of solutions and I am so amazed that we have angels in this world like you help us and to guide us through all the pain that we've been through and that we're still trying to get through even though I'm literally crying while I say this I'm just so thankful that God blessed us with people like you to exist with us when we exist here because it's so hard sometimes it's just so hard to love yourself when you don't feel loved by others even though you know that there's people who love you there's always this Everlasting feeling of I'm not enough never enough and I'm just so overwhelmed with gratitude so much may God bless you and your family in so many ways.

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

You are welcome! Thank you for your heart-warming expression of your gratitude! I'm glad the video is serving you this way!

@EPVIZZINI

4 жыл бұрын

I read this comment last night, and thought about your experience again this morning. I wanted to let you know that months later from miles away, someone is praying for you. I pray that we can all accept Gods love. Stay strong!

Dysfunction finds dysfunction, healthy finds healthy, if you are dysfunctional, become healthy.

@youtubingbabs

5 жыл бұрын

Great summary of where to start!

@youtubingbabs

5 жыл бұрын

I am labeled co-dependent. I'm not afraid of being abandoned etc. I was simply beaten and brainwashed into ignoring my needs and perceptions. In my family unit I knew where to look. Let into the wild, I'd cling to oversteppers, overly dismissive types that would not be/seem abusive to others with healthy boundaries. I am deprogramming now and am faced with the horrible awkward stress-inducing talk of navigating my way through life, just me and God. It's terrifying. What he's describing may happen to some, but like if you share my experience. I'm curious. If so, may you fully awake from your search for a master and find true intimacy and love. ❤

@andreasleonlandgren3092

5 жыл бұрын

Exactly

@andreasleonlandgren3092

5 жыл бұрын

And make less of a deal of unhealthy behaviour and it Will lose its pull

@dia4765

5 жыл бұрын

@@youtubingbabs yes, this exactly. however look into 'attachment trauma' that is caused in early childhood due to the suppression of the child's needs and perception to suit the parents' own needs and perception. it then leads to a fear of abandonment in the child because it is incapable of surviving on his/her own. at this stage, the child learns and programs to abandon their own needs to accommodate their caregivers' needs as a pure survival mechanism. problem is, this is the only pattern the child learns as the fundamental basis of all relationships. this spells doom for his/her sense of personal power.

Ive been using other people as distractions because I was afraid to confront my fears head on. I have been imprisoned in a cell that I’ve created around myself. Masking never works, just prolongs the process

We need healing but im not afraid to be alone.

I definitely struggled with codependency in the past. I didn't feel like I could fully express who I was and so I hid my true self. It wasn't until I experienced several painful relationships that I realized something needed. The 2 biggest things that helped me was getting connected to a God of my understanding and healing the emotional wounds from my childhood. Thank you for your wisdom!!

By far the BEST spent 17 mins of my self care journey over the past 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

So sweet! Thanks! I'm glad it serves you this way!

@kayleighsmith8580

4 жыл бұрын

Right?! he's amazing!!

@naomikeasler6641

3 жыл бұрын

Hell yes! Same. A much needed wake up ❤️

@veneta72

3 жыл бұрын

That’s sad

@AshzxQuidYT

3 жыл бұрын

Me too! I even pay a therapist

I’ve known my biggest fear was to be my true self around people because of the fear that they wouldn’t like or accepting me. Taking this quarantine time off to heal this.. thank you

WOW... Taking our own responsibility and stop being the victim! Realtalk!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Belinda, enjoy your power!

@empress_highpriestess3307

5 жыл бұрын

Thrown out of a ' narcissist support group ' for saying these same things.. Thank you..

@coperniciaTalent

5 жыл бұрын

@@empress_highpriestess3307 wooowww hahaha

Thank you so much for this! Spent too much time on trying to fix others when in reality I was the one who needed to be fixed. Much love 💖

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

You are welcome!

I am not a victim because I choose not to be even though I've been through a lot of tough ship my life I choose not to be a victim being a victim is a choice and there are too many victims in this world I am powerful and nobody will keep me down because I am stronger than I was yesterday

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

You are right Chelsi, that mindset-shift is the turning point towards true liberation. Once you have flushed out all unsolved emotions once and for all, the only feelings left to be experienced is the feeling of complete and independent fulfilment. If you are interested, I suggest you to watch the 4 free videos which build upon this video @ www.alive-academy.com Enjoy!

"Interesting. I wonder why you think that of me" That s such an empowering statement I love it

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Thank you for your enthusiasm Dahiro. If you are interested in the 4 free video's check out alive-academy.com Enjoy!

Struggling as an adult child of an alcoholic. I've been codependent for 40 years. I OVER FEEL.

@jendavis9374

4 жыл бұрын

Me too. I hope it gets easier

@Poustman1

3 жыл бұрын

I am sorry to hear that, i know what is that like.

I think I should probably thank my boyfriend. Since I started our relationship I started to evaluate my own mental health problems. He always told me that he didn’t want a codependent relationship and always made me understand that he wants me to be happy even when he is not there which made me realise how much he cares about me and that he wants me to be able to love myself and probably between all the friendship an relationships I ever had he is probably the healthiest person I met in my life. I had many friends that used me through out the years and left me when they didn’t need me anymore. I will work on my codependency which I didn’t even realise I had prior to my love. The change is starting for me. It’s time to start loving myself ♥️♥️♥️

I'm 22 years old...I always knew there was something in me deep down that was hurting. It took a painful breakup (he left) for me to realize I was attached to a person and was codependent. In my past relationships I never took any responsibility for my actions and blamed the other person but I'm finally seeing the common factor which is my own insecurities. Great video

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

Thanks Karyna for expressing your gratitude. Your radical honesty with yourself has made you ready to make the shift from victim to independent fulfilment. Make sure to check my 4 free videos to get more clarity towards your complete liberation as the fundamental base of the creation of the authentic life you are born for @ www.alive-academy.com Enjoy your liberation!

My fear is that there is something wrong with me. I grew up with a narcissistic father who always made me feel I wasn't normal and I was different from others. He always compared me to ther kids and wanted me to be more like them. A lot of times he would put me down. But there were times when he would compliment me and make me feel good and I latched onto those moments. I believe that's where the co-dependacy issue started. When the only person in my life finally showed me approval, it felt good. I felt I finally had worth and value from the one person I wanted it the most from. But then he would start to put me down again so I would try my hardest to get his approval so I could have that happy feeling again. It began the pattern of co-dependency where I'd only feel valued if he showed his approval. So now, I have lived a life being dependent on other people to feel whole. I know where it came from but I don't know how to overcome it. How do you overcome feeling you are worthless and flawed?

@Pato2_pato

Жыл бұрын

Reading this just brings so much back...I relate so much to it and how the pattern goes...

Great video. I have been so stuck in the victim mentallity. By looking at myself first. I must solve my own pain( internal solution) than try to use another imperfect human being( external solution) to make me whole and of value. I can be happy without them.

Thank you, I'm on a road to be a better man, and your videos are very informative. I hope to learn more about myself and change

When I started seeing results with codependency, I had to face my social anxiety and then I had to face my shame that was hidden underneath the fear. When I started calling out the toxic shame inside of me, I started feeling extremely uncomfortable, but started purging in weird ways, such as menstrual blood, feeling my heart chakra literally heavy and blocked for awhile. I decided to then to stop trying to change the narcissist in my life and just let go of the false responsibility to fix or change him and started to make choices that resonated with my needs more. I am still healing, but the initial need to fix someone else is gone. My ego wanting to be wanted in an unnatural way is still being worked out, which is how I started realizing that narcissism and codependency are one in the same.

@pamm8333

4 жыл бұрын

Goddess Ny me too. Takes time. I made a huge decision to divorce, started dating more manipulative men..... wanted to be needed..... did soooooo mych work on myself.... ok so like an alcoholic???? Im sooo much better and work daily to improve....but realized im in recovery

@Kyrmana

4 жыл бұрын

Purging is a good word. I feel like I have a pile of garbage in my brain that I honestly just want to puke out. Like that one being in Spirited Away. But the junk is made out of metal and too heavy so I need to break it down first.

@aslozbilen6555

4 жыл бұрын

how did you heal? I have no idea how to.

@MrAdawkins

4 ай бұрын

0​@@Kyrmana

If you’re here. You’re following me. And yes. I do love and live from the heart.

Omg this is the most eye opening thing I’ve ever watched in my life😳

@alive-academy

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Daniel for sharing your appreciation! Enjoy your complete liberation process! 😊❤️💎🙏🍀

This is the best explanation of co-dependancy I've ever encountered. Thank you.

This is so true. I caught myself doing this, looking for all the justifications of my ex being BPD and/or NPD and looking to find everything to validate how i felt and what she put me through. That being said, it felt good to know there is a playbook for their behavior, however it left me needing more. I wasn’t recovering by just finding everything that showed me what I knew. I had to find what I needed to do myself. I felt i was a strong, independent man, however being honest and being introspective, I realize I became a victim because I allowed the wolf in the hen house. What makes us different from the BPDs and the NPDs is our ability to be honest with ourselves and look inward and be self critical. We need to grow knowing what inside us played a part in helping the NPD and BPD get to us.

I am an Adult Autistic (High Functioning), I've always struggled emotional issues. Your videos have really helped me a lot. I'm actually trying to work out these issues instead of going straight to the bowl of weed to numb it. Thank you.

Just from reading the comments and being in different groups online, its clear we are all suffering to varying degrees. And honestly it helps to know we are all suffering. It's a universal human experience. The problem is suffering alone is the hardest especially society/family/friends shun you because we have made it taboo and shameful to discuss this stuff

@deboraholiver3716

Жыл бұрын

becoming whole apart from another's validation is impossible without looking to my savior Jesus. It hurs to be associated with those who have their own issues and being co-dependent somehow puts their issues as in part my own responsibility. It's even worse when it's your daughter. Letting her grow means to give no credit or association with me pretty much. I can't wait until she grows out of her co-dependent mentality. I am very content now when I'm b y myself. It is still draining to be around others.

OMG yessssss!!!! Thank you!! Although I think every voice has its place, I'm so tired of seeing these videos that blame some outside monster popularly termed "the narcissist." There's no power when we blame others. I love that you offer a real solution. 😍😍😍

@alive-academy

7 жыл бұрын

Hi Stephanie, thanks! I used to blame the outside world myself, but only if we change from the inside out, and learn to see that our outside interpretations are exactly a reflection of our own inside issues. Once we choose to solve them within, than our outer world will change automatically too.

@glamdecoradventures2747

6 жыл бұрын

Stephanie Lisa Douyon I agree I left a pathological what I believe to be a narcissist psychopath almost 2 years ago. But I had to realize after going through the initial victim stage that I had to start looking in myself to figure out how this happened in the first place I think the last time you spent on focusing on being a victim the better off you're going to be. You have to start making positive changes and taking those crucial steps into looking in your own psyche to figure out how you got here in the first place. Only then can you truly heal.

@MsPrincessaj

6 жыл бұрын

As far as I understand, codependency manifests as a result of conditioning, normally occurring through childhood abuse and neglect, due to narcissistic parents, substance abusers, and those who were emotionally dysfunctional. The root pain that is mentioned in this video comes from having a lack of self, as a result of our feelings, emotions, and needs not being honored by parents/care givers, and trauma, thus the need for us to go looking for that validation outside of the self. Thus, a lack of self love - the "root" is developed, which has us attracting narcissists and abusive people in our lives. A narcissist is also deeply wounded and suffers from childhood trauma. I have never believed that the issue is blaming the narcissist, but to deal with the self in understanding why we attracted him or her in the first place. From my experience, once you begin to do this work, you will begin to comprehend (for many the first time) who in your friendship, family and intimate circles are narcissistic, and what role they have played in your life, and why they were allowed a space in it. It all leads back to the self love component, which depending on the pain experienced as a child of an alcoholic, and other abuses, you may have never had. I think Dr. Ross Rosenberg is an excellent reference for this type of work, and looking at root causes, as well as Lisa A. Romano.

@vinterwn2946

6 жыл бұрын

Did you solve the situation?

@YukiKunikida

6 жыл бұрын

exactly

“solve from the root up” in other words, heal your root chakra and then work your way up i’m currently working on it what helped me the most in terms of balancing chakras is healing my inner child and also do shadow work, while incorporating self-love and self-care

@sidstar1001

3 жыл бұрын

any pointer on shaddow work, please ? thx

@FruityHachi

3 жыл бұрын

@@sidstar1001 i bought "shadow work journal" from luna & sol check it out if it's something that would work for you lunasol.co/product/shadow-work-journal/

Thank you for this clear analysis. I’m so happy I allowed myself to feel my pain, and finally managed to break free from a chain of unhealthy relationships.

A very helpful concept, thank you for posting this. Especially, you are the only one that I have found up to date not teaching this nonsense about quitting unfullfilling relationships to others because your happiness is the only happiness that counts. These people don't even notice that they are codependent themselves and have to isolate themselves from others in order to be able to ignore their insecurities, rather than being truely not codependent by accepting others as they are without the fear of not being able to accept one self anymore if they do something we don't like!

The most difficult thing to understand and practice when healing from codependency is taking care of yourself. There are a whole host of people on KZread talking about narcissists, and how to spot them, and how to detach yourself from them. Although detaching yourself from narcissists is necessary, like Tom says in the video, if you don't take care of yourself, they will come back at your own invitation or you will go and attract other narcissists. When you take care of yourself and your become less codependent, the narcissists will SIMPLY GO AWAY, since you don't give them the supply they need. Your natural ability to set boundary (which codependents are not able to do well) will naturally deter narcissists. Narcissists, covert ones, are one of the most "law abiding" and "moral" people you will ever come across. Remember, being law abiding and moral are good but they don't necessarily constitute someone not being narcissists. My narcissists were moral people who were righteous and champions of the oppressed but they manipulated and used other people. They are your pastors, therapist, teachers, and even KZread codependency coaches. Especially the ones that teach you how to identify narcissists. I know Tom got his definition of codependency (as pathological loneliness) from Ross Rosenberg and it's great that he did, since Rosenberg and very few codependency coaches truly show you how to heal from codependency. Most of them simply demonize narcissists and never go beyond pushing current narcissists away. To truly heal from codependency, one need to understand why the narcissists are all around you all the time. Once you start healing from codependency, you will lose many friends and loved ones, you never thought were narcissists, NATURALLY. They will go away. This is because you don't give them the supply. This is because you are now working on yourself, not someone else. Narcissists want you to work on them, whether directly or indirectly. They want you to give your utmost attention to them.

@in2wishin

2 жыл бұрын

Great comments! This makes sense to me.

@MJ-qb5ph

2 жыл бұрын

Excellent summary. Thank you

I burst into tears during your diagram. So thankful for the clear explanation of what is really happening behind the mind.

Brilliant! Half the crap I put up w over the yrs was based in abandonment! From childhood on. The life I settled for and the bs I put up w was stupid! I dont mind being alone after realizing that it's all about early abandonment.

Hmmm...I feel this. That’s why I took a year off of dating and being single. I don’t think codependency can be cured, but we can learn how to become healthier

@alive-academy

5 жыл бұрын

It's great to create space and time to actually become aware of the root cause. But it is also possible to cleanse ourselves from the very root cause of codependency completely. I have created 4 more free videos that build upon this video that explain the actual root cause at: www.alive-academy.com

@GamerGrade

4 жыл бұрын

Whatever you think and believe is reality, if you truly believe you cant be cured then you will suffer for the rest of your life. For the ones that do believe, they will live a life they deserve.

@Starlight111x

4 жыл бұрын

It can deffo be cured tf

@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231

3 жыл бұрын

@Chris idk if our mothers depend on our fathers...

@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231

3 жыл бұрын

@Chris except not everyone is cis het, and there are small families that have one.or no parents, and other people step in to help out. Some single parents can be very effective at healthily raising children too. We're also not hunter-gatherers anymore. More so in a literal sense and since there are things like government hand outs for parents in certian places, so that the parent can focus on raising their child/s. I get what you were meaning, but I haven't observed women relying on men in my close circle..

I think people want to be in relationships and its natural to pursue them. I agree over dependency can be harmful, but being highly motivated to be in a close relationship seems like a natural part of being a human. This is also observed in other social species. Often isolated individuals suffer as a consequence of isolation. This doesn't mean they are dysfunctional codependent.

This video has opened my eyes. And give me hope of recovery. I'd like to thank u so much for taking the time to explain this to me and others .

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

You are welcome!

This was honestly the most helpful advice I've found. You're not victimizing nor demonizing. Thank you so much

To be courageous enough to face the truth and reality.

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

Facing the truth and being radical honest with ourselves, with the root cause of unsolved fear and pain within is, is the key to lasting and independent liberation. Feel free to check my 4 free videos which build upon this video @ www.alive-academy.com

@Taradise34

4 жыл бұрын

❤

Perfect love casts out fear. 💖

Discovering your videos as my bottom drops... best way to describe codependence and fear based thinking... your analysis and the 12 steps written work are immensely helpful. I've known I was codependent since I was a teenager but I decided to to do a lot of work on myself and greatly improve my life only to take my self will and let my mind dictate to me how I "know better" ... so 15/20 years of active addictions to distractions, fear based living, victim consciousness, and denial coupled with inferiority / superiority complex ... has made me a nervous wreck with fear of abandonment stemming from addict / schizophrenic parents (despite being loved for a long time) ... but self knowledge without action and without humbling yourself enough to WALK through your fears without all the constant distractions you mentioned won't get you very far. So now that I've been humbled by pain and loss and the distractions not covering the FEAR anymore ... I can say I'm grateful you've laid this out in such a concise, gentle, direct, and very very easily understood way. Recovery from codependence and fear based living is taking responsibility for ourselves (but of course we have to understand the ROOTS of why we are the way we are and why we feel and act these ways). So I guess self knowledge (learning from those like you who have done the work and also beautifully explain it to a novice) then reminding ourselves when we are about to do or think the way we have for years... to remind ourselves WHY we have these drives and how living a different way day by day in new healthy behavior modification is the only chance we have at relief. Thank you!!! I'll watch more videos (sorry the message is probably convoluted... I'm at the gym writing this)

This is the goal of every religion and every spiritual teaching. It’s not easy to let the fear go. :)

@alive-academy

2 жыл бұрын

The good news is, there is way to flush out our unsolved pain (without having to re-live it), which will automatically flush out the fear to feel unsolved pain too. I made a video how to get over the symptom of fear and a video that proofs you too, can flush out all unsolved fear and pain. You can watch the videos here: www.alive-academy.com Enjoy your complete liberation process!

I'm grateful for Tom and his vision. I was abandoned at 5 destitute. Gone through every abuse form possible. DV neglect rejection homelessness. Now jobless with mortgage and my daughter taken after I overdosed. She is now living with Ex partner and grandparents. I am not allowed contact. So I have no family at all. Live on a rural town that is disconnected. I don't know how to survive on my own. My concern is how my breakdown and overdose has affected my 11 year 0 old. I am 53 and have become the orphan child. I wish I didn't feel broken and ashamed of who I am and failed my baby.

This is over 3 years old..and in absolute perfect timing for the 2020 corona virus lockdown.

I was holding my heart while listening. I have been pretending not to be a victim all my life. There has to be a time when you acknowledge the pain - the original pain... and where it comes from. I am at a stage now where I have confronted my abuser and have detached. It is a time of anger and hurt. I don't want to skip this emotions. My bandaid was denial. Its okay to have the emotions... and I like that fact that you want to get at the root as opposed to focusing on the abuser. You give us hope that the solution can be found within us. I loved the diagram.

It makes so much sense! The liberation comes from within, moving from the abandonment towards the abundance within ourselves. Thank you so much, it was what I needed to hear today. 🙏

I loved the way you pointed out the 'distractions' from looking at ourselves.

This information is perfect! I have tried to inform both myself and others the importance of going to the root and that fear is hindering us to be free. Now I got more tools for this. Thank you!!!!! 🌹🌹🌹

I am thankful for this video. A lot of what was said really resonates with me. I consider myself relatively aware of my feelings and emotions; however, due to my co-dependency, I still experience the overwhelming guilt when I fail to fulfill the wants/needs of others- which leaves me feeling shameful and worthless. I'm so scared that the critical words I endured from my childhood (no matter how much I excelled in school or sports), will be spewed upon me again, and will reinforce the notion that I really am undeserving of love or value. No matter how much I try to convince myself that it wasn't my fault, nothing prepares me for the utter torment I feel when I have to revisit and come to terms with how verbally, physically and emotionally abused I was as a child. Being an overly sensitive child made it even worse. When I expressed my hurt, I was told so many times that I'm a "crybaby", or told "gosh, stop feeling so sorry for yourself" that I was disgusted with myself for having these feelings in the first place. I truly believed that I was flawed and weak. I know better now. However, these persons I speak of are my relatives. I am currently struggling to set boundaries.

I love your dutch accent :D Great video. Dankje!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Graag gedaan! ;-)

@misottovoce

4 жыл бұрын

Well, the Flemish version of Dutch. Much softer than most Dutch regional accents. I lived in Antwerpen for several years. I could tell he is from Flanders.

The root of of the problem seems to be overlooked and we are quick to be reactive instead of proactive. The root is where your mind needs to concentrate on in order to fix the sprouting buds from blowing up to be a bigger problem than it needs to be. Great Video.

I like what you are getting at. Blaming the other person, aka Narcissist.. shifts blame. That's exactly what narcs do to who they're with. So tit for tat doesn't work. I've been a co-dependent since I was trained as a child, never knew there was a label until recently when a friend suggested this could be my diagnose. Instead of trying to figure out my Narcissist. I am positive that he was sent to me to show me who I am, what makes me tick and too unlock my bad karma. I have learned alot about myself through him. He's my perfect mirror he is my image. He tries to hurt me by being me. Sounds Crazy.. but I used to let him drive me Crazy. So it's a win for me until I get the strength to leave my lesson. And before I go, I will be greatful for the answers and I will let go of my karma by forgiving him and Thank the universe for setting me free of bondage. Namaste

@jamessmith7457

6 жыл бұрын

Lady Love you are amazing

@stephenkearns6461

5 жыл бұрын

I've been in and out of toxic relationships most of my life, if in honest I think I've been drawing them to myself like some self fulfilling prophecy, I'm always blaming others and looking for reasons to blame,its my distraction from what's going on in my head. Inner root pain is the way to go I think!

@anthonyhurtado7358

5 жыл бұрын

Awesome...our partners(exes) are best teachers for us...my gf and I broke up in Feb2018 she is awesome but I learned so much from her. I am grateful she went on and left me so I can start healing from the pain she gave me. I still want her back but its best for me to work on myself heal and see what happens. I hope by now Sherry you are happy and getting all the love and warm hugs you deserve!

@que2425

5 жыл бұрын

Sherry Stewart Wow!!! What u said is so powerful

@brandycarrascoclan

5 жыл бұрын

I swear every word you said is EXACTLY how I feel.... I have even told a few people almost verbatim what you said here.... I am so glad I'm not alone in these feelings... Ty for sharing.... So so much. Ty! ❤

The brain distracting from the hurt is incredibly effective and difficult to break for an ENTJ codependent. I have found myself stuck in an Se-Fi loop that I thought I could correct. Not so much. Thanks for posting this.

@PolishPocahontass

5 жыл бұрын

G Man I'm an entj/codependent also. I feel ya bro

this is the best video to stumble on while processing 2020 when all of our distractions were not available anymore.... love it !

Spot on. So many different modalities to achieve this. I've finally been working on this after decades of addiction to people, anxiety, depression, books, movies, games, psych medication ....whatever I could distract myself. It is freedom. It really is. I use lots of different modalities. I encourage anyone watching this to not stop till you find at least one that makes sense/works for you to free yourself from yourself by healing yourself.

WOW! I've been hoping & looking for this information for a very long time now. Thank you so much for sharing this gift. Much Love to You! Subscribed!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

You are welcome! Thank you!

@MrAdawkins

4 ай бұрын

​k@@alive-academy

Pathological loneliness omg ...thank you

I still find myself in friendships with other codependent people. I dont feel restless or use distractions to avoid feelings very much. I have become aware of a lot of my codependent traits. This video was laid out in a comprehensive way like i've never heard before. I don't feel consumed by my fear of abandonment, I feel it briefly and then I move into an emotional mental state where I shut down and realize I cannot depend on any person in my life. I need to find a balance but I don't stay in these situations by any means. I have learned and applied strong boundaries I delivery carefully and they've remained very effective so far. The "pathological loneliness" resonates DEEPLY. I want to push myself to connect w others but at a certain point it begins to feel im not as valuable or respected. I aim for mutual reciprocity. And consistently get the short end of the stick even with boundaries. I think it's because my picker is broken and I would love to hear your take on how codependents can work on that. Because I love being alone and I spend a little too much time alone. A lot of time alone haha. I have felt my mental health improve as I've put up boundaries and given myself space and time to enjoy my own company. Although it gets lonely for sure and I find myself hoping for a relationship or more friends, I did not resonate with the compulsive need to distract from myself and my feelings because inside I have always admired the way I am for the most part. There is the dark voice that comes and goes but I fight it and I feel powerful overall. But if I feel like a half way healed codependent who is still stuck in picking other codependents and then walking away when realizing it's unhealthy, how can I heal the other half that is still unconsciously attracted to people that end up revealing codependent traits I have been mitigating in my own healing journey?

WoW! Your explanation can’t be more accurate!! You’re amazing! Dedicating your time n effort to help others break free from Codependency is priceless!

Thankyou......that's the best explanation of heard of co-dependency thus far. I can seeclearly now how much I've been distracting myself and why.

Thanks for sharing this! Needed to hear it. Pathological loneliness, hadn't heard about that before!!

I needed this! I always knew my pain was caused by avoidance. I avoid everything to the point. I allowed another human being suffering , become my own. Eye opening for sure. You have another subscriber, I pay a therapist and she has never explained it like this.

I am seriously bawling....I don't do this, my birth mother left me on a drug dealers floor....and you are 100% right. Thank you!

I love this guys approach to overcoming painful feelings . Thank you i still need to do what you suggest but i agree with everything you say in your videos

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Hughie!

It's interesting, fear of abandonment is a narcissistic trade. I'm feeling a little lost now... (I'm starting to think that covert narcissists are codependents who learned to manipulate to get their way, and codependents chose the victim side. I think they both come from the same broken childhood, the SAME situation, feeling.

@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823

5 жыл бұрын

You can be severely abused and CHOOSE NOT to do that to others. It. Is. A. Choice. :)

For so long i’ve been wondering what’s wrong with me, and i blames all my pain on my boyfriend. and i’ve been in so much pain. i realize now that it’s in my control. this video opened my mind, i finally feel like i can change.

I didn't even know how much I needed to hear this. Thank you for this video!!

@alive-academy

Жыл бұрын

Glad it was helpful! 🍀

Really interesting and thoughtful. I definitely agree that codependency is a distraction from our true pain or trauma. I’ve made major changes in my life after life long narcissistic abuse and am really thankful to you and.all the insightful people out there who share such great information in understanding the complexity of our mind, thoughts and behaviors. I love a new prospective and the drawing made a lot of sense. 🙏

A life changing video I wished I saw earlier. Great job!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks! I'm glad this insight has helped you!

@alicialopez488

6 жыл бұрын

LoLugon yesss

@valentinacabreraungo3953

5 жыл бұрын

Have you been able to get better? I hope so. I'm losing hope.

@ForeverAKissMe

5 жыл бұрын

Late better than never so 👍🏻

It's truth. Every "toxic person" (= a person with unsolved traumas) will attract that kind of partner that IS ABLE and WANT to function as a plaster, so that both don't need to face their pain. In other words: every traumatized person is looking for a savior.

It's not a thing of fault it's about self evaluation, education, seeking help, taking action and growth! It's all about growing!

@alive-academy

Жыл бұрын

Yes it is towards comlete and independent liberation and fulfilment. Enjoy the liberating process! 👍💎❤️🍀

This is the most brilliant explanation on codependency I've ever heard! Thank you...so helpful💖

@alive-academy

4 жыл бұрын

You are welcome! Thanks for your heartwarming expression of your appreciation!

This guy is the bomb! I love how he speaks and how he expresses in detail the issues

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Thanks Anthony!

Just came across this video when I typed in ",the controlling and codependant relationship" , wow, loved this video, it really hit me. I'm living this life and yes it has caused physical illness, I def need your help, just clicked for the 4 free vids. Thankyou muchly 🙏

@alive-academy

10 ай бұрын

Hi @zenobipowell1015, it's always a blessing to read comments like yours. Thank you for that! I hope it served you in a way that it contributed to the life you want for yourself. 🙏

PTSD can cause it. My parents are narcissists and growing up, I had reliance on others to care for me or lead me at a certain age bc of the abuse. Dominance and evil mind games! I'm working on myself with these videos so I can become my lone wolf best self! Independent!

Absolutely inspiring. I knew I felt a good vibe from this guy.Thank you, from NZ

Thank you, I need healing so badly!!

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

You are welcome! Feel free to receive the 4 free theoretical videos too at: www.alive-academy.com

Exactly!!! Iv been saying this for soooo many years. Its far easier to distract myself rather than face my own issues within me.

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

Very brave to admit that! It means you are ready to solve your issues from within. Enjoy your liberation process!

Got the first video! I am very thankful and do appreciate you sharing your life, your experience and your knowledge. Have been looking for this quite long.

@alive-academy

6 жыл бұрын

You are welcome Nelda!

Thank you SO much. I have been codependent most of my life. I knew at the beginning of 2019 I couldn’t go down the same path any longer. I was guided to look inside of ME rather than trying to “fix” everybody else. You’re video is truly helpful. I look forward to watching your other videos as well. SUBSCRIBED!

@alive-academy

5 жыл бұрын

Hi Terri, you are welcome. I suggest you to watch my 4 free videos that build upon this video to get even more clarity and insight into your liberation at: www.alive-academy.com Enjoy your liberation process and the natural authentic life you are actually born for!

I am watching this video because I was in a relationship with someone who kept isolating me, controlling me and hurting me as much as he could. I tried to recover him from his past trauma which seems to block him and never allow him to have good relationships with other people, but unfortunately he is not willing to change so I decided to learn more about this part of psychology and perhaps I might be the help for others in need. Thank you for the video keep doing more.

@reflections4me

6 жыл бұрын

My friend please run away from people like that, you can not help such a person, you are the one who is going to end up even more hurt and emotionally drained from what you already are.

@SunsmileMaria

6 жыл бұрын

Tania Mariano Thank you, I agree with you.. Time passed and I saw my wounds almost healed.. I don't want to be sick from his hell anymore. He was a beast, a real narcissist!

@nerdofgod4167

6 жыл бұрын

Mary Halloumis I'm going through this now. I'm trying to just focus on me instead of the other persons issues that can't be helped. They can't be helped because they don't care. They only care about keeping so much confusion surrounding them so that they don't have to work on themselves. If we try to help broken people that think they are ok it will only hurt us.

So true. My journey of recovery has come from doing the 12 steps of alanon, and connecting with a higher power. Its a long road and I've still got lots to learn. I'm very grateful that today I can see my part in all my codependant relationships. I am no longer a victim.

This is sooo real I went through this in 2007 2006 and I literally cried and cried and then laughed at the fact that I was the one that chose to come through this chose my parents my siblings that in my mind cause me pain !and I learned to except them as teachers and students and was grateful to learn that I was the one in control the whole time! We All are ! Peace ✌️ & love 💗 to All in all .