I am also concerned about unqualified people selling courses for nearly £1000.00. Yea they are smart knowledgeable, empathic but they are not trained! This specific person has wonderful helpful videos but she isn’t a clinician and she sells a course for £1000.00 that bothers me. Especially since her content is focused on trauma.

It would be very interesting if you could analyse his content in more detail. I actually learnt a lot from him. I have the impression that his content in this one is a good preparation for the deeper dive into psychoanalysis that happens on your channel. Thanks again for the great content!

Are you saying someone with an audience is necessarily behaving narcissistically, seeking some for of supply? This one often confuses me. I don't think this is the only possible motive for having an audience. How about something closer to communion or simple exchange, for example? Certain ideas and gestures don't have resonance unless there's a group, in my experience.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I agree with Heinz call hut that we all need to receive “self object function“ (soothing, mirroring, etc.). Some people need this to a pathological degree.

@NellyBlyAlibi

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth Thanks. I’ve just started reading Kohut.

Don, thank you so much for being so generous with your knowledge and time and helping to educate us young therapists. I am applying for an object relations psychoanalytic program in the fall and your videos have been invaluable in helping me understand many of the priming reading materials. I would not have been able to understand many of the concepts without your help, so I am so grateful for you and your videos. I look forward to the next video! I enjoyed listening to your views on online-experts misguided claims about these complex conditions.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, it’s very good to know that young therapists are finding my work useful.

@Bungeejumper1377

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth also, is it okay if I ask if you practice/teach a specific psychoanalytic theory (Freudian, Object Relations, Jungian, ect) ? I’ve just always been curious!

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@Bungeejumper1377 Yes, I a Kleinian Freudian.

@Bungeejumper1377

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth ok, thank you so much for getting back to me!

I can understand where you're coming from. I've watched many of those videos myself. I think however there is an embedded failsafe. By their very nature, being reductionistic--while they may get a lot of views-- is ultimately full of half-answers and are not completely satisfying to many people, no matter how many of those videos you watch. Narcissistic injury doing what it does best, when a person watches a video on "top ten signs you grew up with a narcissist/borderline mother" but they only tallied 8 or 9, it makes them question whether or not it is true. While it may provide partial validation, it is not completely satisfying. I think another downside of those videos is that while they may feel validating and vindicating for survivors or narcissistc abuse, it terribly stigmatizes those conditions, labeling people as monsters rather than deeply disturbed and dysfunctional people who are in need of help themselves. Though of course the survivor is not the appropriate person to deliver that help. Maybe villifying the abuser is a valuable tool for the survival, but remains harmful for the abuser. I see the same criticism of the many TikTok videos entitled "signs you may be autistic" or "signs you have ADHD." Yes they are oversimplistic and often the signs themselves are vague and can be signs of depression, anxiety, autism, ADHD, CPTSD and many other things. But I think the important thing about those videos it that people who may not otherwise know they have may have those conditions may seek counseling, diagnosis, and treatment for the first time. And I think that is encouraging.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Maybe

I've seen myself results of watching those yt "experts". For somebody close to me "irony is a form of violence". It's too easy to use this knowledge as an excuse and weapon against spouse.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Yes

Learned so much from you Don! There is a lot more psychopathy out there than we would all like to admit. Any relationship has some but if the greater experience is negative that person may be psychopathic as it relates to your relationship. Thank you for these videos!

You'll be glad to know that I have taught our 14 year old son all about narcissism. I have survived some sort of its abuse over my lifetime and am self-taught recovered. So when I became a mother, I made it my mission to educate our son about it. For the past few months, I have been caught up in researching wokeism and was starting to think that narcissism was outdated and I had wasted my time teaching our son. Finding your videos has settled my concerns. Thank you. I know now that the basics never go out of date.

@JeeprzCreepers56

Жыл бұрын

" I have survived some sort of its abuse over my lifetime and am self-taught recovered." Congrats, you just proved you don't trust anyone with your issues which is indicative of narcissism abuse survivors. Go to therapy.

Thankyou, very enlightening, much appreciate your videos they demonstrate your deep level of integrity.

You have a point about the 'objectification and oversimplification', but I suggest what might be overlooked is that Psychoanalysis is far to 'overcomplicated', utilising this to create a 'clique of mystique'. There seems to be an underlying tone of defensiveness to your argument, and a sense of having completely missed the humour, self deprecating sarcasm, in much of Sam Vaknin's presentations. As a counter point, have a listen to this latest short piece by Sam Vaknin's 'partner in crime' Richard Grannon (please note the very English humour in the content, identified by the twinkly in the eyes) kzread.info/dash/bejne/hX2uxtStaM-wcaQ.html

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Seems he has not heard of the coming sixth extinction. But I like him better than Vaknin. His heart seems to be in the right place, but he’s a bit naïve and woo

@carlt570

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth Not sure about the 'coming sixth extinction', as far as I understand the theory, we are already firmly 'in' the sixth extinction event. One might postulate (from a Non-dual perspective), that this is a human collective 'acting out' of a felt sense of separateness from the whole, from the Universal. I would be most interested if you could expand a little on your suggestion that Grannon is 'a bit naive and woo'

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@carlt570 It doesn’t feel right for me to expand on this.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I wrote a review of “The sixth extinction“ See my website under reviews.

At 9:32 you describe my experience with an analyst. Unfortunately, there are many people in your profession who absolutely should not have access or contact with vulnerable human beings. Dr. Carveth with all due respect, your profession is replete with narcissist filling their bellies with daily supply. Or worst yet like the guy you are referring to in your video.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Regrettably, that is true, but there are also some very good people, good analysts. Like everywhere in life it’s a mixed bag

Dear Don, I have listened to some of your lectures and greatly respect you, and I have listened to all of Sam Vaknin's videos. But with the greatest respect, what you just said indicated that not even you have a firm grasp of what narcissism is. You said that you're a "narcissist" because you are enjoying narcissistic supply. That scantly makes you a narcissist, because you still have your empathy in tact. You do not have a compensatory false self to evade an empty schizoid core. Unfortunately you have done nothing to solve the very problem you articulate in this video: nobody on KZread has good expertise on Narcissism - not even you.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I think you need to listen more carefully. I said I was a narcissist if you define narcissism has a personality who needs constant narcissistic supply. But I agree that is an inadequate definition especially if we are talking about pathological narcissism. I did not call myself a pathological narcissist, merely a narcissist in so far as I seem to have a great need for an audience. But most creative people have such a need. as for the empty schizoid core and all of that, you can check my video on the schedule and personality and in many other places in my talks.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Schizoid

@rfwoolf

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth Thank you for your clarification. I would like to re-iterate my fondness of you and your talks :)

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@rfwoolf Richard, thank you. I think you might be the RichardWoolf Who’s lectures and talks on Marxism I have learned from and admire. All the best, Don

I appreciate your wisdom Prof Don Carveth. I am Prof of Psychiatry working in Pakistan. We face a similar problem here. I shall be grateful if you could kindly allow me to upload this video on my KZread channel. Thanks and regards.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

By all means, yes, thank you

@transformationsprof.dr.sha5515

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth : I am grateful for your generosity.

HD Tudor

I am a youngish therapist and often work with people who are consuming these kinds of YT and TikTok channels. For a lot of my patients, it leads to reductionistic ways of understanding themselves and the people around them, and problematic ways of being in their relationships. I definitely find that it's hard for some of my patients to understand my "complexifying" when there is a world of misinformation on social media that is comfortingly cut and dried.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Amen brother

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Oops, sister

Dear Dr Carveth, I love your videos a lot but this is the first one I disagree with. I think that Sam is an excellent example of sublimation: he transformed his negative symptoms into something highly useful for so many people. His videos helped me much much more than psychoanalytic literature to make sense of extreme pain caused by narcissist and eventually heal. Back then I couldn't afford therapy, and I used books and videos to understand all that mess. I like his straightforward approach much more than for example that of a Lacan who narcissistically and sadistically obscured his ideas. About Sam's preoccupation with phenomenology of narcissism - I don't think it's all that wrong, it's just a different starting point into delving into deeper understanding of individuals suffering from this disorder. Of course he's aware that the reality is much more complex than his categories, he's not stupid and is aware of his omniscience tendencies and keeps them in check :) About obtaining his sadistic supply - what one can observe in his videos is that he likes to call out other narcissists. That's not all that evil, isn't it :) And once more - thank you for your videos, I really appreciate them!

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Fair enough. I can see how his phenomenology: idealization, discard, devaluation, Hoover ring, etc. is useful if it is accurate and that’s not so clear. His confession about enjoying sadistic supply is disturbing, is it night? I have acknowledged that he’s very bright and knowledgeable. I’m glad you found what he has to say useful and perhaps others have as well. But…

@jankan4027

Жыл бұрын

btw. Lacan is enigmatic, not sadistic. His seminars were intended for a specific audience and made in a specific context, while the clinical exercises were completely clear.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@jankan4027 Often it is sadistic to be enigmatic.

@GeorgideMarne

Жыл бұрын

I too found his work first on the internet and I find his case quite fascinating: trying to make sense of his own pathology and thus unmasking it for all the world to see. He's spot on on so many behaviours in my opinion! But he's not a therapist for abused people, neither should he be. We must not mix the two concepts. He's like a researcher, not a "fatherly" or "motherly" figure for people on the internet. And I can totally understand that his personality is robotic and can be very triggering for unhealed people. But in his research he's waaaaayyy ahead of the game, sorry to say.

@HEADHUNTER3000

Жыл бұрын

@@GeorgideMarne He himself says that narcissists do not know how to be men, they're either like children or like "father guru figures" and he's open about that that's his role on KZread. However, that's not incompatible with being a scientist, nowadays that's how many people in the West do it anyways. He's an embodiment of ancient archetype of wounded healer. Think of Dr. House - helps thousands patients as the best diagnostician in town but can't help his leg and takes opioids for it.

Thank you 🙏 for sharing your wisdom. It’s needed in the world right now. Thank you!

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Melanie, thank you.

Sir. I am not sure who this talk is referred to. But you have given me a new code - insectivizing :)

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

LOL Good term!

Professor, you look like Sigmund Freud 😀

Check out Shunyamurti / Sat Yoga Institute

I'm a psychoanalytically oriented therapist. It's an indulgence, but I do sometimes scan the kinds of videos you are describing, and sometimes I find videos of value that give me prospective ideas to play with, and sometimes those ideas help me to better understand Narcissistic pathology. But yes, most of these videos are of low quality. One person in particular: Sam Vaknin's output is thought provoking, but much of his stuff comes across as being mixed with BS, sometimes deliberately; then there is the caveat that he gives off sinister vibes. I also think that you are absolutely correct about most of these kinds of videos on youtube suffering from a plague of categorization fetishism.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

We agree, thanks

Respectfully, please take off your glasses and look straight at the camera. Please.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Brent, give me a break, I’m blind

@IrmaLazarevic

Жыл бұрын

So sorry Don. You do great no matter! Love your videos so much! Thank you!!! Warm greetings from Serbia.

I have reflected on this topic in the context on clinical psychotherapy in hospitals. I have started my training in psychoanalysis and have worked in a psychodynamic clinical team and a cognitive clinical behavioral team since then. In the latter more, but also in the former, I have found my team collegues giving explanations and interpretations for therapeutic processes or arising difficulties within it, that made me yearn after intersubjective thinking. Speaking with such certainty about patients as if it was possible to fully understand another human being always felt significantly wrong to me. But with some time passing I also developed the perspective that it might be some kind of defense mechanism against the contradiction that arises from working with the everlasting uncertainty of man's soul within the context of a progressingly capitalized health system and its consequences for time and space to think (I am from europe). Also, putting onself into the position of the one who knows and has the overview, seems to elicit important transferences that are productive for such a therapy that lasts for about 2 months. Maybe too much intersubjective thinking also would become difficult since it is quite a run of patients within this cycle of 2 months. Still I often feel unease when I am not sure about a collegue who speaks in an absolute manner about psychodynamic mechanisms of a patient as if he or she was talking about measurable natural laws. By the way I would love to hear lectures about Jung from you, I havent found more than side notes on your channel about Jung.

A map is useful because it simplifies reality. A good map is simple enough whilst accurate to enable orientation. If the sense of getting lost increases the map is bad. If you actually get on track and can move further it is good. Whether the map is useful or not depends on the destination, the terrain, the simplification of the representation and the skills of the user. What is a dangerous simplification for the expert may be the first key to freedom for the codependent. Don't focus to much in the maps. Strive to learn people to navigate. And as always, watch out for the all the people who believe themselves to be the final destination. Concerning motivation and narcissistic supply. "To action alone hast thou a right and never at all to its fruits; let not the fruits of action be thy motive; neither let there be in thee any attachment to inaction." Anyone who is motivated in terms of other people's supply, rather than a deep intrinsic sense of what is right conduct in a particular situation, is yet to be liberated from the bondage of the mind.

Thank you, hope you re feeling well.

I think you’re still so damn sexy dr. Carverth lol. I’m glad to listen to you

Great video Dr Don as always. I know this isn't on the subject of psychology but I would like to see you do a video on what is truth or what is absolute truth and explain the different theories on truth such as explaining Frederick Nietzsches view on truth. I know Frederick Nietzsche isn't a psychologist but a lot of great people in psychology such as Jung and Freud derived a lot of their thinking from studying Frederick Nietzsche. I always hear people trying to explain his theory on truth and they always mess it up brutally it would be nice to hear your views on the matter

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I will think about it. When I first started teaching in the early 1970s I conducted an annual seminar on Nietzsche’s thought.

@webb8846

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth with your knowledge it would definitely be a good video just judging by all of your other videos I feel like you could break down Frederick Nietzsche s thoughts on truth and explain it in a more simplistic manner like you usually do in your videos

@webb8846

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth it definitely takes a talented person to explain Frederick Nietzsche's philosophy that's for sure

@iovirv1677

Жыл бұрын

Yes please Don, I too would very much like to hear your perspective on this subject. I am very busy at work and just do not have the time to read anymore. Yet my mind is still hungry, we know so very little….

@webb8846

Жыл бұрын

@@iovirv1677 have you read any of Frederick Nietzsche's writings on truth? I've read most of his work a lot of it I have to reread just because of his complex ideas I just got done with an essay he wrote called on truth and lies in a non-moral sense, if you are into that type of subject matter that is a very good read.

This video is a quality resource for those watching those other videos!

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Thanks, I hope so

Is it possible that this anti- narcissist trend could be culturally/ politically linked to critical race theory? And feminism? In that white men could be associated with psychopathology? In order to discredit them much more easily. How come there are hardly any criticism on narcissist women and minorities for that matter?

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Actually there are quite a few focussing on the female narcissist

Very important message. I know families who have been damaged by people coming to believe from KZread that their members of their family are ‘narcissists’, as if that term denotes a scientifically established natural kind like ‘electron’ or ‘mammal’. These fake experts are encouraging people to weaponise the jargon of pathology against others instead of encouraging them to attend empathetically to the other and to the concrete complexities of their situation.

I am not sure, but I think you were taking about Sam Vaknin, the man with IQ 180-190 (he claims so, but he's twice proven narcissist so he might lie, and after all, such hight IQ is difficult to measure, that's just guessing). His pathology you can small right away, and all his videos I see like talking to himself, not to audience.

@xverxverxverga

Жыл бұрын

Not only him, there are many. There’s a woman who only talks about narcissism. That guy you mentioned I have seen a bit of him, and totally find him as a charlatan.

@liameeeeeee

Жыл бұрын

@@xverxverxverga Are you talking about the Female Indian Clincal Psychologist?

@liameeeeeee

Жыл бұрын

I found her name, Dr. Ramani, if you're talking about her.

I want to know how much of this videoing is a protection from guilt. I know you are an expert on guilt and have an upcoming talk, which I hope to attend. I don’t know if this guilt is ‘good.’

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I think these videos might have many different motives. Evading guilt might well be one of them. The experts are making the abusive narcissist all bad. They see themselves as having been the good victims of bad people. Plenty of other motives might also be at work.

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth it was listening to you discuss splitting in the Klein series that finally clicked for me, in regard to an abusive person, "I don't have to paint a person black in order to know that I don't want them *anywhere* near me, ever. " At some point one has to draw a line, but apparently I didn't know how to without resorting to an infantile defense. To be fair though, Sam frequently warns against the "victim mentality" as a sure road to pathology. I do think some of the KZread channels are primarily motivated to help. It is bewildering territory. I always thought, "am I having persecutory delusions?" No. But like many say, it's hard to understand unless you've been targeted. Abusers can hide in sheep's clothes. I hope you keep sharing your content here; it's much appreciated.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@lisbethbird8268 He describes the pattern of idealization, discard, devaluation, and hovering. I’m not sure that is his discovery, he may have taken that from someone else. But it’s sort of helpful maybe.The whole theme of the narcissist need to repeat the field separation individuation process seems valid, but that comes from molar and Masterson

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

@@doncarveth I liked your analogy about how the landscape is one thing from afar and different up close, as regards the use of diagnostic labels to describe people. I feel like people online get way too carried away, forgetting that a lot of the labels are theoretical constructs. Plus they might apply to us equally as another. Best regards. Sincerely.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

@@lisbethbird8268 yes

Also, about the man who really put the phrase "narcissistic abuse" into the zeitgeist - I don't think he has done his homework, actually.. I think rather, in the narcissistic style he's so fond of describing, he knows just enough, and reads just enough, to fake being a psychoanalytically inspired type on KZread.. and I think he knows this and gets off on "getting one over" on his audience, many of whom are indeed coming out of very abusive situations, and are easy prey; as is usually the case, he is no master manipulator, he just knows how to find people who are vulnerable, and doesn't have the conscience that would stop him from exploiting that. I think also that he came up a little in the Freud and Beyond 2016 lectures, when one of your students was asking about codependency and he referred to hearing of the concept of the "inverted narcissist", which is this person you're critiquing's invention... Which incidentally is much like everything else he does that isn't just straight up plagiarism - a rebrand of an idea described by other writers who were actually analysts - Heinz Kohut's idealizing narcissism is pretty much the same, as is James Masterson's closet narcissism.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Yes

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

I'm considering your comment, and will go back and listen to *this* post again. I can't help but like the professor (psychopath) in question, and relate to, and (just intuitively) agree with some of what he says. I've learned useful things from him. I actually recently thought it would be interesting to see some sort of dialogue between him and Mr. Carveth on topics of mutual interest and study. Oh Well. By the way, the phrase sadistic supply seems to describe exactly what boggled my head pretty well beyond recognition, and this, strangely, helps me come to a sense of peace and put it behind me. I can't recall the specific video mentioned here, but will look for it. It seems this term has been used often only recently. Anyway, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

@Nobody-Nowhere

Жыл бұрын

Yes, he rebrands ideas. According to him, he has invented everything. And there are a lot of people who think he is the leading expert in narcissism. Who never ask the question; why doesn't he ever leave his apartment if he is this prestigious leading expert on the field. How could he have all this time for youtube, if he really was the leading expert on his field. He exclusively caters to the victim community, and this is exactly why he came up with the term "narcissistic abuse". Its a special kind of abuse. He caters to the victimhood mentality. As many of these self proclaimed victims, are borderlines. His material is so utterly narcissistic, that it really does not function in any other way. You can't learn anything from it, as its not its purpose. Its purpose is to make it seem like he is a genius.

@Nobody-Nowhere

Жыл бұрын

@@lisbethbird8268 But can you explain why? Why sadistic supply, where does it originate? This is the biggest problem in his material, its really surface level. You can't truly ever understand anything through it. As it simply seeks to name behaviors, not to understand them. It lacks the theoretical framework. Mainly because it has to be all about him, he can't rely on the theoretical framework created by thousands of workers. And the sadistic supply, how would you for example differentiate it from omnipotent control? How do you truly know is the behavior sadistic, or simply about a fantasy of control? How can you differentiate is the behavior sadistic, or are you simply interpreting it as a sadistic attack? There was just a really good podcast posted on IPA:s channel, "Contributions for a theory of the constitution of the cruel superego - Marion Minerbo" That discusses this, how people who live in the paranoid schizoid space, interpretare behaviors as sadistic attacks against them.

@lisbethbird8268

Жыл бұрын

@@Nobody-Nowhere I'm not deluded or misinterpreting, believe me; I questioned this over and over again. One can discern even covert aggression when it's an ongoing pattern, and many attempts to resolve the problem have been made, only to be dismissed. If I understand your question why, maybe that's the answer, agression. Not sure, because I m not them. But likewise, one can discern when someone is gloating and gratifying themselves by hurting someone else. It's just bullying, with the bully's rewards. I can't say I understand this.

Don, I'm not sure if you've watched Succession (the HBO show), but your comments about the song remind me of Matthew Macfadyen's character, Tom Wambsgans, Shiv Roy's husband. I won't say specifically why in case you haven't seen it yet and it could spoil things, though. To put it simply and not give too much away, he is mistreated by Shiv and her family and ends up benefiting from being married to Shiv in the end, in this most recent season (season 3, which aired in late 2021).

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Yes, I watched it, with horror and amazement! I see your point

More of this please!

He's called Sam vaknin. He gives really uncanny vibes. At the same time, and to be fair, I should say that he's a man of culture, he knows a lot about the world, he's colorful and creative enough, and he has a lot to say.

@LadyLuck8_4

10 ай бұрын

There are much worse out there imo

Best video I've seen by you. Wish I knew the channel you were referring to. Now I want to watch it

Do you like Derrida?

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

I’ve learned from him

Dear Don, I have the utmost respect for your ability to reflect on and to correct your premises. A Kleinian feature per excellence!

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Thank you

Hey Don, speaking of "encyclopaedias", how do you feel about PDM I and II? I feel it is the least, as you would say - objectifying and kind of free formed in terms of not claiming to be definitive guide to curing people.

@doncarveth

Жыл бұрын

Better ...