From my experience... if a narcissist truly loves you, they will punish you for it.

@johnpaul5474

4 жыл бұрын

That's an interesting point, "R Z." I've read that envy is an essential part of a narcissist's kit bag or tool kit. And envy is probably their deformed version of love.

@johnpaul5474

4 жыл бұрын

@Ben Hackett Yeah, they seem to be, as far as I can tell, mostly about power and control, domination and subordination. They're full of self-destructive energy that they turn outwards in order to save themselves from themselves. "They don't know what love is." Without empathy, what love is possible?

@virginiafonacier8795

4 жыл бұрын

Everything here is so true.I've been there.Nothing inside them only evil intentions. Liars!Pretenders etc.

@johnpaul5474

4 жыл бұрын

@@virginiafonacier8795 They repress their worst feelings about themselves and, unconsciously, try to make you feel those feelings instead.

@mintberrycrunch4333

4 жыл бұрын

@@johnpaul5474 is there a difference between the way an overt and covert narcissist treat their partner? Is there hope if they have low trait psychopathy?

narcissists consider people as objects, so that’s how far they can “love”. like a sports car they really wanted but eventually got bored in few months.

@lovesdogs8616

4 жыл бұрын

Did you know that a narc can actually feel love for an object though, conversely? Like a car a TV....

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Mimi: I believe you.

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

@@RN-gx7wt Who knows when you are taken for a fool and you are already committed. I for one hate that feeling. They can probably commit crimes behinď our backs, skipping work but doing heinous things to women especially. They say they are close to being psychopaths

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Mimi: Think about this though: if they get bored it's good for us only if they LEAVE; we can get over being duped. But some will not leave. When we (i am guilty of that) keep giving them so many chances that's when it truelly sucks for us. I see that they gain entitlement that makes them think we are going to forgive all the time and we have a hard time getting rid of them.

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

@@RN-gx7wt That's the whole truth and nothing BUT the truth! Great to read your input RN !

"at least when you're talking to your coffee table, it's not thinking about how it's going to run off to Hollywood with your neighbours spouse and star in it's own sitcom" 😂⭐

@karenrobargemacon68

3 жыл бұрын

That's why I appreciate my coffee table so much!!!! 😆

@Victoriousniki

3 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂

@peccantis

3 жыл бұрын

Absolutely true. A reclining chair would be far more likely to have fantasies about starring in its own... sitcom.

@magusvega5682

2 жыл бұрын

😂😂

@sherriflemming3218

8 ай бұрын

😂

As the great Haddaway once said "What is love? Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more..."

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

You're welcome ;) kzread.info/dash/bejne/ioShpNCnn9GWdc4.html

@rosiellagrace

4 жыл бұрын

You win the internet today. 😹😹

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

@@rosiellagrace LOL!

@DeadRedLipBombshellHutto

4 жыл бұрын

😭😂😂😂😂😂👌👍

@PositiveMommaLife

4 жыл бұрын

Love that song

From my experience, they don't respect if you do love them, don't respect you if you don't love them. Extremely tiresome. Thank you Dr. Grande.

@britegrl03

3 жыл бұрын

This is the perfect summary of my marriage.

@GrumpyMeow-Meow

Жыл бұрын

As Woody Allen said, “I wouldn’t belong to any club that would have me for a member.”

@jenma9377

Жыл бұрын

😨

@lala1119

Жыл бұрын

This is exactly my experience. From the very beginning I had the feeling that if I slept with him, he would.lose any respect(in case of narc it's not respect but rather fear) for me. So I stepped back even though I was infatuated after the love bombing phase. It's a sad feeling, when you have no idea what is wrong with the person, though their facade is fine and it takes time to realize that it wasn't a "special connection " that you shared, just a targeted manipulation

@tobsternater

Жыл бұрын

absolutely

And the prize for dead pan delivery of hilarious jokes goes Dr Grande haha

@deak1deak1

4 жыл бұрын

😂😂😂😂

@andreasleonlandgren3092

4 жыл бұрын

Love it 2!

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Honor yourself: I just don't get it. Feel free to elaborate .

@valerieh.708

3 жыл бұрын

@@nd8610 When he demonstrated how you might get more intimacy from talking to furniture than the Narc.

@SHEDEVILWASHERE

3 жыл бұрын

I love Dr. Grande. And, im pretty sure I'm not a narcissist. Will you marry me? Wait two weeks and then answer so we won't be rushing in. **steals a cheek kiss and runs really fast in the opposite direction**

We need to be carefull because furniture may be offended by the comparison😄😄

@kerensegevnoy

4 жыл бұрын

LOL!!!!!!!!!

@sibelsavas6741

4 жыл бұрын

😅

@aroojaziz

3 жыл бұрын

During my marriage of 18 years with a narcissist, I used to feel like a doormat, because he used to treat me like one.

@hildesolstraleaksnes8390

3 жыл бұрын

The best I have heard this year 😂 That's why I have said it feels like talking to a picture.

@nd612

3 жыл бұрын

The furniture will be jealous of you because the Narcissist thinks of you as as an object and the furniture does have a status name. You and I are not considered as human beings by the Narcissist because they are monsters and there is nothing good inside of them and their brain is full of sick perpetrator ways and they have bad intentions and cannot stop. We have to laugh at the Narcissist because they are not worthy of our spite. Just don't piss us off and they will be alright. I speak for myself.

My coffee table did run off with my neighbor's spouse. It's starring in a soap opera. "As the Table Turns."

They fall in love with their projection of who they need/want you to be. You are never allowed to change/grow as a person from the narcissist projection. If you do, they get rid of you. They can’t love the real you.

@IsabellaPiesch

4 ай бұрын

They don´t even want to get to know the real you. They use your abilities (what you can do for them)... And they even underestimate you a lot...

Talking to a narcissist = talking to a piece of furniture... Spot on 💙.

@captaint1180

Жыл бұрын

Or a brick wall…

@eweksi

Жыл бұрын

Yes. One sign something is not right is when you attempt to have face to face conversation and it goes nowhere. It was so weird for me. Like my words were echoing in empty void space. 😮

@sherriflemming3218

8 ай бұрын

The brick wall fits as well.

A narcissist says: "I love you" in the same way they say: "i love my car".

@GR-gq1us

3 жыл бұрын

Not true, they will say it in a more "loving and enthusiastic way" when referring to their cars

@alizaaksheikh

2 жыл бұрын

My narcs loved his car more, he discarded me in 2 months and its been years and he didnt discarded his car yer

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

Unless you are that guy who fell in love with, and was sexually attracted to his car.

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

@@alizaaksheikh you mean he drives an old car? Not a new car? Omg…. Somebody tell him!

@iamlight1

2 жыл бұрын

@@BeckBeckGo are you putting love with sexual attraction together as the same?

The love bombing felt icky and not real, there was always a bad underlying bad feeling resonating.

@kerensegevnoy

4 жыл бұрын

Rahel T Rocca and still we stay till the bitter end. How crazy of us

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Rachel, it's hard but I will tell you and others this; Eventually we don't fall for it. Eventually it doesn't make us angry how they act. Eventually it just won't bother us anymore what they say. Believe what I tell you. We can't live for how others treat us. And for it has no concern or barring on us. We begin to know. The hardest part is not knowing who we were dealing with in the first place.

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Rachel: You are so right. We feel these things. And we know the gifts or overly doing it is not sincere. It's a lie. Not that we don't deserve but we know when something is not right and we pinpoint the fact that It is their "intentions." Their intentions are untrue

@really5453

4 жыл бұрын

@@kerensegevnoy It's real easy to do when they give you what you're missing.

@ladybluelotus

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, indeed. It felt very icky 😷, uncomfortable and disingenuous. I also noticed that he made a big display of his gift-giving, and always public. As if it was more for the audience than me. The whole situation made public displays of affection very uncomfortable for me.

If they're NOT loving everyone within a 10-ft. radius, but choosing a target and violating a boundary, maybe they are more love-snipers than love bombers...? ☻

@iaindcosta

3 жыл бұрын

You got it! I have never been comfortable with that phrase (love bombing) Love Sniping it is!

@ThangNguyen-kk1wh

3 жыл бұрын

When a Sniper hit you after you fell down and emptying the magazine of 24 bullets....it's Love Bombing !!!😂😭

@HealthClubUSA

2 жыл бұрын

TUCK- has the most underrated comment ever, 100% insightful.

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

I love-snipe this comment!

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

@@SailorSabol yeah this was really clever!

They are incapable of true love and of unconditional love. Their form of love is contingent upon what you can do for them, or what you can offer them, including being a whipping board - something you unwittingly become. If you don't have anything to offer, and don't stand for their abuse, they have zero use for you. Save yourself and go no contact ASAP. It's the only way you can reclaim your life and the only chance you'll have of freedom and true happiness Don't walk....RUN! 💜🙏

Narcs can appear to love if the victim is useful! They are too self absorbed for love. Class video Dr Grande. You explain things clearly, iam just cynical when it comes to narcissists. They have nearly destroyed my life!

9:00 is a piece of furniture a good listener? absolutely.

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

You know the best listeners in the world? Dogs. They sit there with you. You know they’re listening. They may not understand what you’re really saying, but they know you need an ear. And they’re just like “well… I can’t do much right now. But I’m here with you. I’ll lean against you and try to make you feel like we’re in this together. I’m not going anywhere.” Dogs are amazing. When someone needs me, I’ve learned to try to be like dog. Just be there. It means so much.

more triangle theory! this should've been taught in school so people could avoid dangerous relationships and wasting precious time.

@johnschlottman619

Жыл бұрын

Well... as Dr. Grande points out, it is a rather flawed theory... he didn't feel completely comfortable using it, but pretty much had to for lack of a better alternative framework. That is the feeling I got.

@Lenastar23

Жыл бұрын

i actually did learn it in school. (it did not help me lol)

The statement that you made about narcissism and self love was quite elegant. Self love without self reflection is truly empty love.

@johnschlottman619

Жыл бұрын

Ooo! That's a good one.

I dodged a Narcissist recently. No matter how many times I told him I was not looking for a relationship he kept trying to persuade me. He'd call 3 times a day, Ignore things that I said were important to me, and even told me I "needed" a boyfriend. He'd get angry every time I turned down his advances or wouldn't divulge personal information to him. He'd play passive-aggressive to try to make me jealous. All of this in the span of a week of meeting him. I finally told him one last time I was not interested and blocked him. If it were not for these videos I would have not known what to look for. Thanks Dr. Grande.

@egrace3738

4 жыл бұрын

Yes! Another person saved !

@keyo3316

4 жыл бұрын

@@Mike-ss1sc somebody tried to call you 30 times in one day?! That's obsessive. Yeah, I got kind of lucky.

@ecasey91

4 жыл бұрын

Oh thank God 🙏🏻 saving lives Dr. Grande

I wish I had access to your videos when I was being “love bombed”. I understand now what was happening, but at the time it was overwhelming and confusing. I was always uncomfortable with the never ending gifts and was made to feel as if I was being ungrateful because I would ask him to stop....I am happy that you are able to help offer your wisdom and guidance so that others can avoid be a victim of “love bombing” and hopefully avoid getting into a relationship with a Narcissist. Thanks again for an informative video.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

You are quite welcome!

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

I agree and that info wasn't easily attainable to us in the past to be able to look for the signs of Narcissistic behavior in partners, etc. And I am also thankful for Dr. Grande '

@valerieh.708

3 жыл бұрын

This is a topic that could use more videos. People explain the love bombing but rarely help us navigate the complex feelings we get, as you explained. You feel ungrateful for gifts, which seems wrong to feel, even though your inner voice is correct. It's quite the mind-F, and too many times the videos deal with this issue from the narc perspective rather than the victim perspective.

@victoriousjoy9338

Жыл бұрын

Me too!

@carolnahigian9518

Жыл бұрын

Me too ! the gift that keeps on giving-4 adult children taught to dislike me ( ouch!). Ongoing Grief

“It’s a lot like talking to a piece of furniture” he says

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Zachary: I liked that comment from Dr. Grande. What a good saying about "these difficult that pay no mind what they do to others missing a whole lot of required fundamentals to have feelings for others reactions to their abuse or even how to bring any joy to anyone cause they're only in for them selves 100%..

@aroojaziz

3 жыл бұрын

Trust me that’s exactly how it is. They don’t have feelings.

The trouble is that I see these tendencies in everyone I know, including myself. Seeking intimacy, connection and commitment but having difficulty in establishing it. Finally, the other person decides there was never sincerity in the first place and they walk away. Really, there’s a need to work on the relationship and to become less selfish. Selfishness is something that we try to cleanse from ourselves but never quite achieving it.

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

Don’t be too hard on yourself and others. We’re all kind of selfish to an extent. And I think when it comes to love we’re all at least a little idealistic too. It’s ok to fall into a boring routine of just being together, even if it’s not as exciting as the more stressful stuff. I love the boring routine stuff. That feels so special to me. Like “now we’re family.”

I have always wondered why my ex narc doesnt love his own daughters. They are in their twenties and have declared complete independence from him because of his cruelty. I cannot imagine how he diesnt ache to see them and miss them. This explains a lot. Thank you so much for your guidance and putting this informatio. out there. It is super helpful!!

@amanitamuscaria7500

4 жыл бұрын

My dad left 3 lots of children, without a backward glance.

@toweypat

3 жыл бұрын

What a shame. Your ex is missing out on so much!

@aroojaziz

3 жыл бұрын

You are lucky, he didn’t love them. Because their love comes with pain. My husband was sexually abusing my daughters for 10 years. They don’t have any sense and respect of any relationship. They are just self centred.

@PrivateAckbar

2 жыл бұрын

This is why I find Tony Sopranos anxiety hard to believe. I don't think a narcissist would empathise with the effect criminality is having on their kids development. If they did process the fact that they're losing their family they would feel insulted and angry, not anxious or guilty.

@aroojaziz

2 жыл бұрын

@Welcome's House I tried dear. He was in remand for a week then he bribed $30,000 to the police & police closed the case. I went to anti corruption. The officer told me clearly that my husband used a big fish to bribe so I can bring a bigger fish then they can catch him. All the medical reports, social welfare reports were in my favour but I lost from the police. Then I went to domestic violence special branch, they asked me to file for public prosecution. I didn’t proceed because if he could buy the police then he could buy government lawyers as well. Anyway I won the temporary custody & now fighting for permanent custody for past 4 years.

IME, the 'love' of a Narcissist is ultimately a form of objectification. You are an acquisition. Oh yes, they *adore* infatuation. Liking you? As long as you're perceived as 'useful'. Not that it's YOU they like. They'll ask you to marry them -- there is a 'because'. They'll say: 'Because I love you.' Don't give an answer, other than: 'Give me time to consider this.' They won't like it, but distance yourself emotionally and think about the situation. REALLY think about it. Narcissists depend on *your* loyalty and trust. Passion fades quickly and you'll cease to be the amazing novelty in their lives. You'll become the Caretaker. The cook. The property manager. The third wheel. 🙄😬🙁

@sherriflemming3218

8 ай бұрын

That sums it up well.

Good video Dr. G.... Narcs are the Great Pretenders of our time.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you

@divinekate

4 жыл бұрын

Someone should round them up for Hollywood, they need actors anyways ..

In my experience yes she can love very well.While I was sleeping she was 'loving' her ex boyfriend down by the lakeside.🤪

@davidthomspson9771

4 жыл бұрын

I can laugh about it now....never hold in anger or resentment.Let it go.

@andreasleonlandgren3092

4 жыл бұрын

Haha thats great that you have let it go.

@tuck-brainwks-eutent-hidva1098

4 жыл бұрын

So sorry -- that's awful! But your approach to it, with some distance, is healthy -- and funny! 😉

@eagleeye2300

4 жыл бұрын

They are truly pigs, (sorry, to actual pigs of the animal variety...)

@burntblonde2925

4 жыл бұрын

Well said!

Empty love is a perfect description. The narc in my life keeps re iterating how committed he is to helping me and being there for me. Yet he is abusive and absent and all things narc. Any love bombing is horrid attempts for sexual favor, and that doesn't happen. Plus he can't wait to list all that is wrong with me. I pray for a way out of this stuck situation.

@sugadiamond

2 жыл бұрын

Did you make it out? How are you?

@johnschlottman619

Жыл бұрын

You are their objectified toy

@dahliafiend

Жыл бұрын

I will ALWAYS be there for you. Two weeks later she was with another man. I went through cancer shortly after and never saw her once.

Answer to the question: no. Under no circumstances, happy or sad, good or bad times, rich or poor, no. My source: experience.

What I find strangely missing in these definitions of love is the element of caring. While, in my experience, narcissists may occasionally care for their partner or child, they're either incapable of sustained caring or are unwilling to engage in caring.

@johnschlottman619

Жыл бұрын

Yes, what you mention goes right to the core of love; this current 'triangulation' framing seems to me to accent tangiental things... ostensibly 'measurable' things, but off.

@jenilynneful

10 ай бұрын

Yep

@sherriflemming3218

8 ай бұрын

Exactly

As soon as the notification came, I poured a cup of tea and started watching this video. The coffee table analogy is gold 🏆 Thank you, Dr. Grande, for adding nuance to this topic. I’m going to share this on Twitter ♻️

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much!

@maryfisher6569

4 жыл бұрын

Great analogogy, I agree. A coffee table.🤔

@NarcissisticAbuseRehab

4 жыл бұрын

Kathleen Smith I love how Dr. Grande’s humor sneaks up on you 😆 NPD is a heavy topic so it’s always a nice surprise.

@maryfisher6569

4 жыл бұрын

Yes, it is a breath of fresh air and we see his little sweet smirk. 😉

@sherriflemming3218

8 ай бұрын

Love the coffee table analogy

Ohohoho "Is it better to talk to the furniture? In a sense, yes!" lol Gotta LOVE Grande.

I know where the idea of unconditional love came from. It is a wish! The child that has been immensely criticized wishes someone love them just the way they are. Because they didn't have that sense of acceptance growing up. I sense people put too much emphasis on feelings nowadays. It takes much more than feelings to make a partnership work, don't you agree??

@IsabellaPiesch

4 ай бұрын

It take emotional empathy and narcissists don´t have that. So if you don´t understand and feel the other person you can´t love him/her. There is simple no chance at all.

Could you do a video on the narcissist as a friend, maybe including both types, grandiose and vulnerable? I may have asked this before. Thank you and I love your work.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Excellent idea- I will add it to the production list- thank you!

@debsabatino311

4 жыл бұрын

Add co worker!

@notagain779

4 жыл бұрын

@Nikki Dee , I understand your situation, very much like mine. I have been called accommodating and conciliatory. Part of it is how I was raised. To be agreeable and not rock the boat. I'm not sure it has anything to do with self esteem, though. I think my esteem for myself is somewhere in the middle. A "friend" who love bombed me, was a real motormouth. Most people avoided her, but I thought she was funny, and I enjoyed the attention. Part of it was that, as an introvert myself, I didn't ever have to worry about there being any silences. She took care of that every time! It took about a year for me to start to wonder about her. I knew she wasn't all what she appeared to be, and the attention she gave me was there to get an expected payoff.

@LuciaInman

4 жыл бұрын

@@DrGrande I'd love to see that one

@meera2531

4 жыл бұрын

Also ASPD friends and colleagues. Though I can recognize them now but they can pass under the radar for years if you don't know the signs.

“Interestingly the feeling of being special or unique is one of the symptoms of NPD”...subtle!

😘 Thank you Dr Grande! Incredibly interesting vlog, to say the least! A snapshot of something I've experienced; A person with high trait narcissism, will fool you into believing that their lustful passion is both intimacy & passion... Fooled, due to our own desires for connectivity & our faith in beautiful hearts!! Learning ourselves, our weaknesses... is our greatest defense!

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

Donna, I totally think they are con people. I haven't heard that yet from these videos but I've come to that conclusion with this man.

@serendipitous_synchronicity

4 жыл бұрын

@@nd8610 Sadly, I feel some are con people too! They know they have a deficit in areas yet they continue to weave their way into people... never willing to get therapy on what they know isn't normal. Some are even worse than this.. they believe their own bs. But these are my drawn opinions, from life... Dr Grande is wonderful at teaching the in's & outs. 😊

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

@@serendipitous_synchronicity Thank you for your reply and your insight. And I'm glad to see you understand . It's hard to explain these difficult people. And some people just won't understand. Especially if they have not dealt with this kind of person

Thanks Dr. Grande. Just wish that you and your videos had been around a while back, definitely might have changed the choices I made, and saved me (and my family) lots of pain. Knowledge is power, thanks for sharing yours with us.

I believe we fall out of love mainly because of the poor choices in partners we choose. TY for your videos.

@BeckBeckGo

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah maybe. I think a lot of people settle though. Like neither person is bad or toxic or abusive or anything. But you just get into the routine of relying on each other. Which isn’t always terrible.

@oxxy6678

2 жыл бұрын

@@BeckBeckGo idk if this is common but I think I almost seek out toxic behavior because I like the push back, I find it exciting. In my current relationship i am bouta leave because my partner is so agreeable. I never fight with a girl but I love when girls have a shit ton of personality and flair because it's interesting since I have a very socially dominany personality. Might be because my 2nd relationship when I was 14 was with a super toxic girl who I still talk to years later, we would have this amazing chemistry but we would go through periods of totally disliking eachother and trying to make eachother jealous with other partners, and then breaking up with the partners and getting back together. It was honestly an intoxicating cycle, think I am maybe somewhat toxic myself.

I wish I watched this video over thirty years ago when I married a narcissist . I knew she was self centered and narcissist but I thought she will get over because I loved her so much. We raised 4 kids and I worked seven days a week to give her all the things she wanted. She could never hold a job. While I worked she turned my kids against me. One day After my youngest daughters wedding she ended our marriage and threw me out the house like we never existed as a couple . She did this via texting .

@yugaprs

3 жыл бұрын

i'm sorry to hear that buddy

@CBRRR-eh3ky

3 жыл бұрын

Horrible horrible horrible. But I am glad you were able to write this which means you are still alive. Believe it or not, you are strong & eventually you will be better. Karma is a B & narcissists are not an exception to that. I know you are not a vengeful person but watch ans see the boomerang effect.

Yes! "Let's be careful when comparing furniture to narcissists" As always, i appreciate your dose of humor. 😂

🧐🤔🤔🤔🤔🤭🤨🤣🤣🤣 Just here to argue that my coffee table is way better in all 3 categories you’ve just explained then any narcissist (that I’ve have had the misfortune to cross paths with), will ever be at loving me, or anyone actually. Awesome video though! Thank you 🙏

''...if you disagree with me, put a comment below...'' Nope, yet again another brilliant video. Agree with you on all points. Thank you again for producing such great, helpful content. And big love from Australia!

"It's a lot like talking with a piece of furniture. Is a piece of furniture a good listener? Sure. Is it satisfying talking with a piece of furniture? Not really. In a lot of ways, it's still better than talking with a narcissist (at least in the sense of trying to obtain intimacy) - because at least when you’re talking with your coffee table, it’s not thinking of running off with your neighbor’s spouse and starring in their own sitcom" ^^Gotta love Dr. Grande’s sense of humor! Also, I found the detailed descriptions of love very helpful on many levels -- so thank you for making this!

Talk to a piece of furniture would be better - the funiture give you equal feeling back as the narcissist bat not gona hurt you and mess you up. Is a piece of furniture a good lisener - 😂😂😂😉

The furniture analogy was really humorous. Nice! Good work, Dr. Grande.

Oh my God! This is the best analysis of love, I have heard so far. You have certainly overdone yourself Dr. Grande! I got so many questions answered. I did so much research on love. Never found such clear understanding of it. I suggest you call this video, in addition to it's original title. "The definition of love" I really enjoyed this video 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

@nd8610

4 жыл бұрын

To: 'Oh my GOD' comment of the mysterious one's name with your not so not wanted to be known hand writing. But to FLOWER BOUQUET in the pot: This is just the beginning of the knowledge we need to know. Yes Grande knows how to relate to us to make this education he is giving us, easy to comprehend. Thanks Dr. Grande !

@user-gy7bg1rv6o

4 жыл бұрын

N D A lot noticed by a simple comment. You read people well

You are an incredible thinker....

Brilliant analysis that provides a solid framework for assessing the health of intimate relationships. Your depiction how it feels to not have intimacy is amusing and at the same time remarkably accurate. With my covert narcissist ex, it often felt exactly like I was talking to a piece of furniture. It got to the point where he had walled off so many topics of discussion related to anything real about our relationship, that the only thing left for me to do was to let him mentally masturbate about his petty intellectual preoccupations. Death to intimacy. Death to love. I find your ability to conceptualize highly subjective emotional topics with significant subconscious aspects quite remarkable. Its a gift! Keep up the great work Dr. Grande!

I can't describe the revelation and relief I felt when I learned that love bombing was a thing that someone else besides my self had fallen for! It still amazes me that this bizarre behavior works on so many people, ( even though I consider myself savvy enough, I still somehow let this happen ). It was a combination of lies and inappropriate adoration from the person that sucked me in, but thankfully I withdrew from the relationship and blocked him before more emotional damage could occur. Videos like this one are crucial to the education and self preservation of the gullible ones like me who might not be fully aware of these kind of manipulation tactics.

Is a piece of furniture a good listener? Absolutely. {In a lot of ways it's a lot better than talking to a narcissist especially if you're seeking intimacy} GOLD 🥇

😂😂 Furniture rocks!! ❤ So true, that coffee table can be better company that a narcissist any day 😅

You had me at the “Definition of Love.” Would like to hear your thoughts on “The Meaning of Life” 🤔

@cherriegreen7447

Жыл бұрын

I believe the meaning of life is bound with each other because how could we really bring bond without reaching out in tragedy, loss, laughter and happiness.Being connect and growing, learning and trying to be the best we can. Open mindedness, knowledge and reflection on our own faults.

Does Dr. Grande love (the construct of) narcissism? In a way, yes. He has intimate knowledge of it and also a strong commitment to this topic. Sometimes he seems to have a kind of negative passion towards narcissism, too. He clearly uses it to gain attention. When I came to this channel (that I love) I felt and thought, I was a victim of narcissists. I still think so, but I often feel I have to protect them from the mob. What a change you have brought out in me. This is just an observation I made, Dr. Grande. Have a nice day and don't work too much. You will love your health, once you have lost it. ❤

I really appreciate you, Dr. Grande. You do a wonderful job of explaining the ins and outs of NPD and Narcissitic pathology. I was pretty lost before stumbling on your channel but am now clearly seeing the patterns and manipulations i was experiencing in my last relationship and i can't tell you how grateful i am for the resource you provide to all of us seeking clarity and healing.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

You are quite welcome 🙂

I love how Dr. Todd did an amazing job of explaining the question of "can a narcissist love?" In detail, in a simple way.

I think its great you have gotten so popular, Dr. G. You do a great job on all of the subjects you cover. My dad is an INTP and retired attorney. Psychology was sort of a hobby of his. You remind me of a young version of him. Thanks for the useful information that help people sift through relationships and find the good ones.

Dr. Grande- Thank you as always for your passion, intimacy of knowledge, and commitment on this topic! I would love to hear you apply the same construct to BPD and psychopathology, and the areas that overlap and differ.

@DrGrande

4 жыл бұрын

Excellent idea - I will add it to the production list - thank you 🙂

@misse7154

4 жыл бұрын

@@DrGrande Yay! When you were discussing the "triangular theory" I thought you were going to talk about triangulation. I guess this is more of a "manipulation tactic" that I think you've addressed in the past, but is another hallmark of narcissistic romantic relationships that I find very interesting and likely other viewers do as well.

I agree with this video. Just not aware that a narcissist . has potential to love at all.

@zbytpewny

3 жыл бұрын

Spectrum, not binary.

Such a smart doctor. Thanks again Dr. Grande!

When I was with the Narcissist and I met that person for the first time He actually told me not to fall in love with him and that they did not want to be in a romantic relationship. The Narc had been married two times and divorced two times and the Narc told me because they cheated on him but I found out that it was the other way around which I believe. I fell in love with the Narc and they questioned why I cared so much and I told him that I felt there was a good person inside of that body that needed to come out but that he wouldn't allow it to do that. They liked living the way they were.. I finally had to walk away because from what I understand they got involved with someone else. I don't want anything else to do with this Narc. NO CONTACT. I am slowly healing. Thank God.

The bit about the neighbor's spouse/sitcom...yer killin' me Doc.

They can love, but not the kind of love that is accepting, forgiving, assuring. They love you because they’re supposed to. And because they love you, you should “love” them how they want. It means you be that person they want you to be. The type of love they give you is the love that you feel is shoved down your throat. You never asked or wished for they’re kind of love, aka the things they do to you in the name of love. And you’re better off without their love. You’ll find yourself wishing they abandon you, or just ignore you, aka leave you alone. And they don’t love you, they love the idea of having you.

My couch......DEFINITELY a better listener than my Narcissist was. LOL! You're the BEST Dr. Grande!

I remember feeling overwhelmed and suffocated with the love bombing. A lot of my chores and things I had to do after work were neglected. But I couldn’t stop, had a hard time saying “not today”. Then the narc moved to my town to be near me, and when the love bombing wore off, he would spend almost the entire week without seeing me, and that living 5 minutes away from me. While during the love bombing, he would drive 45 minutes/1 hour everyday back and forth just to see me for 1 hour.

Thank you for helping me understand the variables within what can be discribed or taken for "love", and how we can get pulled into relationships with narcisstic people. We look for complete love, but the prideful, self centered attributes get in the way.

@Soothsayer937

Жыл бұрын

I have learned to consider how a person defines love because many people have told me they loved me but very little of that "love" offered me comfort, hope, stability, or anything substantial.

Great video again! I love how you described this. Especially the bit with the coffee table 😂😂🤣

The coffee table analogy was the best:)) I like your sense of humor! Very interesting definition of love. Thank you again Dr. Grande for another lovely video!

I think that, using the simple definition that love is to honestly want what’s best for another person even if that isn’t you, then it becomes obvious that a narcissist can’t really love anyone else

Very important for men to absorb. I know how confusing love bombing can be for a man who is not aware, having been subjected to bootycalls and texting.. Be on your guard brothers , and if you do enter, know the perils.

Wonderful humor in this talk, thanks a lot not only for the content but for the humor as well !

If I had studied "personality theory" in my younger years, when I had the opportunity, I would likely have saved myself plenty of trouble later in my life.

@mrs.reluctant4095

4 жыл бұрын

I think this is an illusion. People understand their lifes in retrospective, but they have to live it forward. This is a huge difference.

@johnpaul5474

4 жыл бұрын

@@mrs.reluctant4095 Your "comment" sounded familiar, so I looked it up. Soren Kierkegaard, the Danish philosopher, wrote "Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." But the human mind and heart can move in every direction, sometimes at once. Regret and rumination, and even illusion (we should remind ourselves that illusion is a very real part of reality), have positive value and functions; in healthy measures, of course. (I can still see that textbook: royal blue with its title, "Personality Theory," in white. Hey, the joke's on me, I guess--I don't mind.) 😊

@mrs.reluctant4095

4 жыл бұрын

@@johnpaul5474 I haven't thought of Kierkegard, while I wrote this. As you can see, I haven't cited him, I used my own words, since this was about my personal experience. I do not really understand what you mean with "the human mind and heart can move in every direction". Time moves only in one direction. And I have no idea, what textbook you are talking of. There are many out there...

@johnpaul5474

4 жыл бұрын

@@mrs.reluctant4095 Some quotes are all around us and we pick them up unconsciously. Those words sounded familiar to me, and I'd heard them somewhere before, so I looked them up. We're all bombarded by media most of the time, and don't realize all or what we have in our minds. The Self, or the Soul, the deepest and most complete part of our awareness, is beyond space and time, which are mental "constructs," creations of the ego or the conscious mind. We are all much more than we know. One place to catch a glimpse of this is in dreams. The textbook was one I was assigned for a college course I never completed when I was about 20. Thanks for your "reply." Happy autumn.

Wow, I was just thinking about requesting this video! Thank you again for great content (like always).

The coffe table part made me laugh so hard ahahahah

Hey Todd this is fairly complex & is well thougjt out . Will study it 👏

That was one of my favorite videos! So interesting!

Thank you ,I will share this with my daughter.She is almost 50, suddenly she is love bombed .Way to quick.She is an empath,and religious.

Great video! once again you have astounded us. Thank you.

Thanks a million, doc. What a deep and thoughtful investigation of the problem! You gave the best description of all kinds of love I ever heard on KZread. Would you, please, make a video about the people with SPD in this context?

Excellent explanation! This is the reality of it! Xo

Good one, Dr. Grande!

🎉 Dr Grande...this is the BEST description of love and its capabilities from a love aspect I have ever heard. As you said....Psychology is a form of Philosophy...(science) that I didn't know....yet completely understood after this video. As well as this...the detail you you bring to talking about love and its components I've never EVER heard of from ANYWHERE else to date...and that has been a complete eye opener!! Your videos are always interesting....but this one regarding love and narcissism was outstanding in its complex completeness. The most detailed of ideas and content as I said as I've seen to date. Thankyou!!!! ❤🎉

Omg the coffee table won’t run off with your neighbour, thus preferable 😂 This may be analogy perfection - it sure gets my vote!!! Still laughing ...

@LuciaInman

4 жыл бұрын

haha I think I'll take the table, thanks

@carolb3869

4 жыл бұрын

Lucia NONE of us are thinking twice👏

The best description of the various types of LOVE! Really enjoyed it! THANK YOU ☺

'...an empty love for themselves.' Excellent connection, Dr. Grande!

I really enjoyed this video and would like to see more videos about the triangular theory of love and how it affects normal relationships when one or more components are missing. Fascinating topic! Thank you, Dr. Grande, for making such interesting videos!

Great furniture analogy! I don't care what they say. Dr. Grande has a good sense of humor.

Excellent video and well explained about the types of love there are. Thank you Dr. Grande 😃🇳🇱

Wow, this is "What is Love 101." Useful in all contexts !

Dr Grande. that's an excellent explanation. Thank you!

Dr Todd! Thank you again. Having had a N mother, the word "love," has always been a mystery to me, leaving me with countless questions. What is love....how does it feel...does it exist...am I able to love...is it my fault my son is N........etc....etc.????????? I searched in hundreds of self help books but never felt answered until now. Your simple explanation makes complete sense. It is not only the one wondrous fairy tale we are led to believe, but a multifaceted form of caring for and liking someone else, being either "complete" or " incomple,te". I will watch this video again to let it sink in even deeper as for me it is a life changer, both in the understanding of my own feelings as well as those of others. It would be interesting to also understand hate broken down in the same way! God bless you for sharing your knowlegde.

Great topic and explanation.

Very good explanation. Thanks Dr.

This is a really good video. The word love is often used but not defined. Dr. Grande defines love very well.

LOVE the joke. I already listen to pretty much every video and learn so much! Now I also get to laugh. Thank you for educating us

High quality information I can rely on and am obsessed with watching and you can even add humour to these dry topics.

Once again Dr Grande gives such awesome insight into the greatest mind f-- of all time. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know!

Thank you Dr. Grande. Youre delivery helps me continue to walk the path of understanding what transpired in my relationship. While teying to understand bit not get too caught in the extensive grief that still surfaces with the clearer undersranding of the deep pain that I experienced while in it and still as memories come to light through this lens. Ugg

Great video, thank you for the explanation it helped me a lot reflecting on my own relationships

Thank you dr Grande for this video. It gives so much insight and comfort when freeing oneself from a longterm narcisstistic relationship.

Hey doctor you have described my past relationship scarily when it comes to narcissism. It has helped me deconstuct and analise emotionally what happened in that crazy short relationship thank you very much i now have understanding and closure. Many people have been hurt by this person and that was my passing shot at them via messenger to which I got no reply because of guilt and maybe delusions of grandeur. Great stuff mate still watching 👍

I have to agree the definition of love is tricky, I like the Greek definition agape, storge, eros and philia. I found the triangulation theory adds clarity to erotic love. Narcissistic love bombing is flattering perhaps that is why so many are manipulated by it, a useful tool for the narcissist.