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@lealundquist6907

3 жыл бұрын

Can the work shop be done on or attended on IPhone ? I’m a truck driver and don’t carry a computer. But work off my phone . Ie: faxing docs for my work etc.

@erincollins8677

3 жыл бұрын

@GeneralCurtis3LeMay That lack of "niceness" you are observing is what Dr. C calls, "calm firmness". I think it gets developed from years-long struggles with toxic people and a courageous resolution to cut ties with them.

@erincollins8677

3 жыл бұрын

@GeneralCurtis3LeMay Thanks for sharing the link. I thought Laura shared some helpful insights. Not sure about the logic of your connection between going fishing and being a serial killer though.

@erincollins8677

3 жыл бұрын

@GeneralCurtis3LeMay I think I'm going to appeal to my "courageous resolution to cut ties with toxic people" now and end our conversation.

@lealundquist6907

3 жыл бұрын

Can this be attended through iPhone ? I’m a truck driver on the road continuously.

It's like coming out of a cult.

@ampavoo

3 жыл бұрын

It sure is !

@indraSilentMoonImaginarium

3 жыл бұрын

couldn't agree more

@ceebee1704

3 жыл бұрын

Definitely. Brainwashed to the point you abandon your values and comply with the narc. Defending the narc's horrible behaviour. When you're finally out, it takes a long time to figure out how you ever got into the situation and unable to get out sooner.

@mrose4435

3 жыл бұрын

There seems to be no ability to reason to bring peace....

@ampavoo

3 жыл бұрын

@@mrose4435 What fellowship hath light with darkness. I believe it is demonic possession. MOVE ON

Trying to keep a narcissist happy is like trying to fill a bathtub with water, but there is no plug. You just keep pouring yourself in, but nothing holds.

@SurvivingNarcissism

8 ай бұрын

Good analogy.

@kate9653

4 ай бұрын

And the more you poor into it the more drained you feel unfortunately. There is no making them happy. They want you when they can’t have you And all their other exes or other involvements too. They discard one to the next to the next and gaslight to use excuses to make you tolerate their non commital shit and pathologically lying behavior. And your the monster when you finally are sick or feeling bad about yourself and muster up the strength to leave finally. And if you come back later because you had a low moment, they will now punish you eternally and treat you even worse then before and try to hurt you worse then before.

@shepherdkings5892

Ай бұрын

The plug is "out there" I'm still looking for a way to put my foot down and get out of this situation.

@RyanOlsen

26 күн бұрын

​@@shepherdkings5892when you put your foot down is when you get ready for the fight of your life. In my case it was months and months of torture going through all of the steps to end my marriage, but it was worth the pain. You just have to take the first step and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It will probably be terrible, but the rest of your life won't involve being close to them.

I cried throughout the whole video. Left my vulnerability narcissist after 40 years of marriage. At first I was elated like I had got out of prison. Now I’m crying all the time. Trust me I do NOT want to go back but it’s still hard. I need to remember him as the narcissist that he is not the man I wanted him to be. Wonderful video it does help.

@kimmarshall3913

Жыл бұрын

Be proud of yourself you made it even after a long time, sending you peace and love and lot of hugs ✨

@MaryBeckett-qz8nt

11 ай бұрын

I feel the same I've been with mine 23 years

@user-uv1vx9xi4d

11 ай бұрын

People there is nothing like peace enjoy your peace enjoy your life it's ok to be by yourself I am 74 years old been through physical and mental abuse all my life divorce last year got into another narcissist abuse after divorce I needed to be healed from abuse I didn't need to go into another relationship Jesus Christ is showing me how to love myself I will never allow myself to go through hell on earth again these toxic people are led by a evil spirit they need Jesus Christ in their lives he is their only hope yes our emotions are wounded in time we will heal don't rush the process sign Cynthia Smith I like the song by Whitney Houston I learned from the best by l l 😅Put😊

@Youngbuckinnacut

9 ай бұрын

I’m happy that you found happiness

@owensdonna46

7 ай бұрын

That's because they squash you and redefine you so without them you don't know who you are. You are grieving for yourself. It'll get better ❤️

I’m actually truly shocked at how many narcs there are in this world.

@lfj7562

Ай бұрын

Me too. I wonder why?

There is definitely pain leaving an abusive relationship, but the pain of not leaving is way worse. Thank you for all you do, Dr C!

@lioydwilliams1850

3 жыл бұрын

Geanie Ollman, hope you are not with a narcissist!

@back_to_the_nineties2534

3 жыл бұрын

Yes. Leave while you can, as quickly as you can. Get arrangements to leave in place NOW, not later, not in one month's time, as that may well be too late, as suicidal thoughts can come into it, if left with narcissist for longer than is necessary. If it means starting a completely new career, do it. If it means packing all of your things and staying with a close relative, or a trusted friend or spouse, do it. What have you got to lose? You are rescuing yourself, and you don't have to justify it. No-one else is going to be quick enough in helping you escape your bully, so do yourself the favour by escaping now. Sometimes things aren't better late than never. Not in these kinds of situations. Get out while you can. Before things become even worse.

@carolynfry4797

3 жыл бұрын

Its hurtfurl to stay. Its hurtful to leave! Pick your pain, I did and I gave him closure! Some days are still so bad, but I'm working on me!

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

Geanie Ollman,You are absolutely right 🤙 dearest 🌹🌷🌷, Hope you are not with one?

@adrianatiller85

3 жыл бұрын

To me even the fact that I didn’t leave sooner hurts

“You didn’t know what you didn’t know.” Thank you.

@angelanicoletti3330

3 жыл бұрын

Beth P, Exactly. That really stuck out to me! Thank you for writing it down. Your a miracle Sister and we are survivors and free!

@abtimehi1200

3 жыл бұрын

There’s also ‘the unknown unknowns’. My take away from this clip is when you’re young, the recognition and building knowledge of identifying a narc. I had to go to the bookstore to read up on toxic people at my work. And narcs were at the top of this list. And, with the guidance of the good doctor, I’ve realized so much more about a very toxic narc that has f’d up some of my friends; I don’t think they understand what has hit them, unfortunately.

@jeanlaubenthal698

3 жыл бұрын

There are things you know and you know you know, There are things you know you don’t know AND then there is the world of of what you don’t know you don’t know.

@lautjenz1103

3 жыл бұрын

😪 gotta forgive myself 😪

@pallasathena1369

2 жыл бұрын

@Asphodelia D yes, so very true.

This was the best explanation of a trauma bond. But no one has mentioned that a victim may not even realize they're being abused because it's normal to them.

@louiseboyd8896

2 жыл бұрын

Stockholm syndrome

@marys8280

2 жыл бұрын

@@louiseboyd8896 .+:2:3:4:9:0:5:6:2:1:4:1:1:4: whatzpp him I was like this be'fore I know who can he:lp you out text him now he can solve your problem:: don't waste your time here

@Kingdomsrose

2 жыл бұрын

This was me... everyone kept telling me and even I knew it was wrong..he did so many things....mh but I couldn't leave. It felt like a spell

@ladennayoung2939

2 жыл бұрын

@Dream Youniverse No everyone don't know. That is very inaccurate.

@logic2000

2 жыл бұрын

Prevail. I'm waiting for the day nike re-release them

Trauma Bonding is caused by toxic narcissistic, abusive parents. It ruins a child's developing brain & the child continues to allow parasites into their lives when they become adults. Its very sad. Stay strong everybody. Hugs from Australia. 💟

@rickraymer6194

11 ай бұрын

I was one of those children born into narcissism. Yes it does mess the brain up'and practically every so called friend throughout my life were the same as my parents. When I finally realized what was going on I started taking out the trash. I didnt realize until very late in life that and now have been reprogramming what I've been taught. Not every day is easy, but much easier then with them in my life. I dont have all that crazy anxiety going on anymore. I'm now at peace feeling the calm I should had always felt had the relationships been normal healthy ones. I dont tolerate the silent treatment from ANYBODY anymore in any form including ghosting and people never replying back to my text messages. I cut new people I meet right off right when that starts now. I've got my boundaries in place now and those type of unwanted behaviors are no longer welcome in my life

@msdemeanour

6 ай бұрын

I am proud of you. I too culled quite a few "friends" during the pandemic. These people never checked to see that I am ok (I live alone) and were only there when I was cooking dinner for them or used me as a free therapist, but they were never there for me when I needed help. Some only hung around when I was miserable, as they seemed to enjoy my sadness. Once I was feeling happier, they were not interested in hearing about my success. Both my parents are toxic & should never have had kids. Since I cut them out many years ago, I feel better about myself as I don't hear their nasty, vindictive words anymore. However, I still tend to not see until it's too late that the man I am involved with is just another narcissistic, gaslighting, toxic person I have allowed into my life. I've cut him out a few weeks ago. It's hard but I need to love myself more than any of these people. Stay strong and be proud of who you are today. Life is too short to keep unworthy people around us. @@rickraymer6194 💌

Going through the break up. I am worthy, I am loved, I am on team healthy.

@YonelaLavisa

3 жыл бұрын

Im considering it right now

@ironjohn5914

3 жыл бұрын

Stay away from the toxic BPD they are out to destroy you and they only care about themselves......

@garnetjensen5523

3 жыл бұрын

im 3 weeks into it...struggling even though i had tried many times in the past. Am hurting due to the codependency and she was the only one i would spend time with over last 3 years...so am hurting and lonely...but i know im doing the right thing for my future and happiness, cuz i wasnt happy, i did everything for her while she did nothing for me. I have to stay strong, getting better as time goes on.

@ReasonAboveEverything

3 жыл бұрын

@@garnetjensen5523 You can do it. The pain is worth it.

@neetsmartin6649

3 жыл бұрын

God cover you with his shield of faith and His blood covers you . Body,Soul and spirit.

Trauma bond is incredibly strong, it keeps you in the relationship, you don't know the bond exists until you leave and then realise that you're still attached to them... I find this absolutely abhorrent and you have to look at yourself and constantly remind yourself of reality. 2 years no contact...

@smac1823

3 жыл бұрын

So true about not knowing until you're out of the relationship. I'm at 1 year out and I'm still riddled with issues from it.

@ilariawelt

3 жыл бұрын

It's good to know I'm not alone...

@veronicadutoit5777

3 жыл бұрын

5 months out. Still trauma bonded and second guessing myself.

@ilariawelt

3 жыл бұрын

@@veronicadutoit5777 same here.. we must be strong..

@sharoncorrell943

3 жыл бұрын

The worst thing we do is to ruminate over the time we were with them. If we must, we MUST focus on the Narcissistic Rage they displayed time and time again. The lashing out, the manipulation, the lies, and the constant gaslighting. There were good times and romantic moments but they were few and far between and most if not all were fake. I remember some friends of mine telling me how lucky I was to be with him because he was so handsome. Now I tell them that Satan was the most beautiful angel in Heaven but we all know how that turned out. I am lucky today to have been discarded by him and his new unsuspecting supply is now the unlucky one. Narcissists do not experience object constancy which means when they become angry with you, they do not see you as someone they love or care about...they only see something that has made them furious and this is why they spew venom without any conscience. My exnarc was famous for screaming "I hate you" or "I wish you were dead" and would deny it later.

The first steps to breaking the bond is to find aspects of life that bring you joy that are completely removed from them in any way.

@mattswitzler9579

3 жыл бұрын

Easier said than done even though i do believe this. Its been a week since last contact and i did really good about getting back into running this last week but then today hit. I broke down. Would rather give up on life at this point. I dont want to talk to any friends or family. Am debating on quitting my job. I just dont care about anything anymore. I just want to give up.

@LouieShowers

3 жыл бұрын

@@mattswitzler9579 hang in there man. Keep running. the endorphins and serotonin will get you back to life. DO NOT give up or quit your job. Take an hour out of each day to do something exclusively for you. Force feed yourself nutritious foods and keep watching awesome videos like this one from Dr. Carter!

@COSMICCFREQUENCY144

3 жыл бұрын

@@mattswitzler9579 get a spiritual cleanse! call your energy and power back

@annemarie226

3 жыл бұрын

@@mattswitzler9579 wondering how you’re doing? I’m a couple of weeks out as well and also struggling with the obsession that I can’t shake. I’m not giving in though, I’m never going back to that. I keep repeating to myself that my new super power is walking away from anything that hurts me, even when it hurts like hell. Hoping you find peace and are feeling better.

@mattswitzler9579

3 жыл бұрын

@@annemarie226 I am doing ok right now. Just taking it day by day. I have been working out everyday but for the most part everything is still a struggle. I can’t help but think of my ex and all the good times we had and just want to go back. But honestly I do remember all the bad times still and don’t want to deal with them anymore either. Another thing I can’t do right now is watch these videos it makes me think that I am the narcissist and makes me cringe and puts my head into a tailspin thinking about how could I turn into this person. It makes me look back at everything I did in the relationship and makes me feel so low and almost scares me at this point. This is not the person I wanted to be and wish I could go back and change everything single thing I screwed up in my relationship. It’s almost unbearable to think about right now. It gets me to the point where I break down and wanna give up.

When you've been attached to a narcissist it's almost like you've had a cancer inside of you... YES!!! That is what it's like!

@catherinearmagost8574

2 жыл бұрын

Yeah that's exactly how it feels

@shyamaliroy4081

2 жыл бұрын

More like a damn addiction. There is physical and mental deterioration. Constant and deep longing for the person and trying to watch discreetly. The abuse during the relationship and the trauma bonding after the relationship are both terrible. The only way out is no contact and constantly remembering the abuses and the hurts and the insults imposed when together. My narc used to say that I’m imagining all and all is my assumption. Thank god it was a Long online affair only. I backed out before anything could materialised or maybe would never materialise. Who knows! Difficult to read a narcs mind and understand his hidden agenda. Stay safe and alert with others around.

@just_peachy6582

2 жыл бұрын

Yes and the stress can quite literally kill you

@julesjay424

Жыл бұрын

My therapist said “he’s like a tape worm” thought that was actually so accurate

It's very hard when they've isolated you from all your family and friends. So you're all alone and have to rebuild those relationships.

@canttouchthis5729

3 жыл бұрын

How does the narc isolate you from family and friends ? What tactics do they use ? How do they succeed at this ?

@Michelle-dn6lm

3 жыл бұрын

@@canttouchthis5729 I’m not the original commenter but, for me, I was isolated by my parents after moving across the country multiple times, being homeschooled, and eventually quarantine. Another way is if the narcissist convinces you everyone is against you. For example, telling you your friends use you for money, a ride, etc, and that they don’t really care. Always having bad things to say about other (not narcissistic) family members. Or guilt tripping you into not going out because your being "selfish" and that is isn’t "safe". So physically you may be in the same place but you no longer have the same support system and you end up becoming fully dependent on the narcissist/abuser

@cottonflannigan3671

3 жыл бұрын

Isolation is devastating. I was isolated from my family, was not allowed to have friends, and was not allowed to have a hobby. It was Hell. It still is... 10 years later.😢

@asleighchauncey8751

3 жыл бұрын

@@cottonflannigan3671 bro my name is sohom banerjee i'm from india.i am suffered from narcissistic abuse from my narcissistic mother till my childhood when i was class 2.but now i ignored her everytime but it is not permanent solution for it.i get ocd(obcessive compulsive thoughts) and feeling like i am caught into a cage sometimes & feeling anxiety& depression most of the times.even after ignoring her for 3 months my obcessive compulsive thoughts,racing thoughts,my insecurity,my hidden fear,my anxiety wont go away completely.

@jsf8145

3 жыл бұрын

@@canttouchthis5729 Narcs are very charismatic and very good actors. Narcs constantly tell other people lies about you and the Narc will lie to others about something you did or said that never happened. The Narc will always do this behind your back. For example: The narc will hood wink your family and friends into believing that you said you "hated" all of them, but you were only friendly & pretending to like them when you are around them. The narc will make up stories and paint a very negative light in the eyes of others about you and when you come in contact with them again, you are ostracized or treated like a diseased child. The Narc will even do this at your place of employment behind your back in hopes of getting you fired (further isolating you) and making you look "unstable" in the eyes of the general public. It can be hard to detect this is going on, because the Narc is VERY two faced & very conniving, but the Narc is also very popular, very believable, very two faced, fun loving, charming, charismatic with a beautiful smile (fake teeth veneer, etc) and can be very convincing at influencing others to believe his (or her) lies about you. Many times by the time you receive your "new name tag" from the Narc, it's too little too late for you, as the Narc has already pinned everyone in the room against you. This keeps you isolated, alone and keeps the Narc in the superior position where everyone in the room remains beholding to the Narc's side of the story. If you can ever catch the Narc acting this way "in writing", then you can possibly as last resort remove the Narc's mask to your friends/family, but do so recognizing that if you rock the boat, your own boat might sink. If you ever stand up for yourself out of self respect, the Narc will act out behind the scenes in a very vengeful manner against you (Narc perceiving YOU as a threat) and the Narc will never self-reflect or let go of their childish feeling of being "wronged by you", even though all you did was set a firm boundary agains the Narc and/or defend your self against the Narc's lies and rumors against you. Narcs act just like a 5 year old petulant child that doesn't get his/her way. Problem is they're grown adults that are very good actors and very believable at a first glance.

This is so spot on. Years of feeling so confused and losing myself, believing I just became this person who could never be enough and always a disappointment and always on edge. It was startling to learn about all of this after the final discard and with therapy and support and also this education..Im starting to see the old me peeking through in my life again. I am slowly finding myself again after years of being so lost. Trauma bonds are real for victims of this abuse. The abuser easily moves on and we are left picking up the broken pieces of our minds and hearts...it is possible and I'm making my way. Thanks for the video.

@upnorthviking823

3 жыл бұрын

I can rely to your comment. Feels so good to see others that went thru hard times with these psychos. Praying you can make your way around them. When you know the problem, You can start focusing on solutions. God bless you! May the futur be clear for you xoxo!

@sharoncorrell943

3 жыл бұрын

Bless your heart. I understand totally as I am dealing with trauma bonding also. We will persevere and life will be good again.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

The narcs are still suffering, just like they all their life and until the day they die.

@sparklyhomesteader5414

3 жыл бұрын

Me too Jenifer. Was married for 16 years and just figured out in the past two months he was a narcissist. I was always confused and knew something was wrong but could never figure it out and never put words to it until I stumbled upon narcissism stuff on Pinterest by accident. I don’t feel broken but I feel robbed of precious time and my life. But I’m excited for the freedom that’s ahead!!

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

@@sparklyhomesteader5414 I felt the same about my family. I could not figure out what was wrong, until just a few years ago when I started to research narcissism. Wow, what an eye opener. This was the core of my issues in being attracted to narcissists. Finally that cancer is exposed and now getting healed.

While I was married to my narcissist, I learned to not ask for anything, not be seen or heard if possible. If I had to ask for something, I was quiet and direct, never raising my voice or becoming angry. That worked. He did threaten to kill me. I did divorce him, took our two boys, and made a home for us. I walked on egg shells for eight years and felt nothing but profound relief when I left. He is now dead, his fifth wife committed suicide. I'm not dead, I'm happy. I won.

HOW THE TRAUMA BOND FORMS 1. Dangle promises that give you hope 2. Negatives show up, they are minimized or explained away, false optimism emerges 3. Controlling- tell you how to think, what your priorities are, isolate you away from (supportive) others 4. Once in the trauma based relationship anger comes out and is used to control you 5. Guilt, shame, threats 6. Systematically pulled into codependency, ask you to run everything by them HOW TO ESCAPE TRAUMA BOND 1. Not easy 2. Requires major determination 3. Admit you are in an abusive situation you did not ask for 4. Be realistic about costs- it can hurt, will need to change 5. Let supportive others in on what’s Happening, stop keeping narc’s secrets 6. Narc will try to reel you back in, remain firm 7. go no contact

I've left him, it's been 5 months, I know I'll never get back with him, i don't love him, he disgusts me, but I can't stop thinking about him! Not good thoughts, but going over the whole relationship, I just want to stop thinking about him full stop!

@nessamillikan6247

3 жыл бұрын

I feel you. It took me a year and a half to finally close the chapter with my ex. Keep hanging in there, keep watching these videos and listen to what your mind has to say without acting on your impulses. It takes a while, but you’ll get there!

@texannadeb5005

3 жыл бұрын

It’s taken me14 months for the obsessing and rumination to slow down. I still do, but I’m going longer periods without it taking over my thoughts and I believe I’m slowly coming out of it. Hang in there. It certainly is not easy.🙏🏻🙏🏻

@indynightowl

3 жыл бұрын

I’m exactly the same place. 5yr relationship 5 months apart. Going over the whole thing

@indynightowl

3 жыл бұрын

I think why I can’t quite let go is because I got no closure. Every time I wanted to talk about it he just kept leaving.

@sherriepawlikowski4935

3 жыл бұрын

It will happen. I was in a 10 year so-called relationship and I am now 11 months no contact. It took 8 mo's. For me. Im so happyy to be narc free

The trauma bond is real, I experienced it. I was in a relationship for 15 months, I left one day because I was feeling burnt out from all the gaslighting. The trauma bond took 12 months to leave me. No contact is the only way. I hope you can all make it like I did and be happy once again 🙏🙏🙏

@Luminousone_624

3 жыл бұрын

Same 7 mons. Just recently let it go.

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

amen, still recovering from severe depression, they just love to poke my vulnerabilities

@arlilani

2 жыл бұрын

Please help me ...🙏

@TheBerndude

2 жыл бұрын

I'm right with you, Kate.

@FunnyBirdVideos

2 жыл бұрын

Happy to hear this. I’m about 3 months no contact, but the trauma bond is still significant and takes up intellectually and emotionally a lot of my energy and thought process during the day ( and night!) Longing for it to be put to bed once and all and be narc free. Your comment gives me hope! Thank you!!

I saw the signs of Narcissism in him at the beginning of our relationship, but had no idea just how bad the addiction I would have for him would be so strong. So many times I've left and gone back and each time who I am has disappeared a little more. But, I noticed an ability to disassociate and become indifferent to him stronger each time. I paid a hell of a price, but with that price I started to self love more and more to the point where I saw hope for a better life for myself. Alone. 🍒

@lambsauce1468

Жыл бұрын

It's been 2 years now and I'm still happier without my ex narc.

@rhondamaza8598

Жыл бұрын

Alone. He is not the only guy in the world. You’re gorgeous.

@christielawrence4640

Жыл бұрын

Excellent job!!!! Don't stop!!!

@kimgordon3695

Жыл бұрын

🙏

1. It won’t be easy to break the trauma bond. You will need firmness and determination. 2. Remind yourself this is an abusive relationship and you didn’t ask for it. 3. Be realistic about the cost of exiting. It can be painful and frustrating. You may need to adjust. 4. Let people know about the relationship. No more keeping secrets! Be direct. The narc wanted this all isolated and contained. 5. The narc May try to reel you back in at some point. Don’t cooperate and remain firm. 6. Go NO CONTACT. If you can’t go 100% then as close as you can. They don’t change! 7. Know there will be pain and difficulty so if you are adverse to pain or conflict you might need a rethink. 8. There can be something good on the other side. Consider it like a surgery or cancer treatment. Painful but necessary for wellbeing. 9. You deserve DIGNITY, RESPECT and CIVILITY. Even though you may feel bonded the the narc, know that toxicity won’t get you that. Self care and help from others will. FIND YOUR STEADINESS AND YOUR PEACE.

Simple solution: 3 steps. 1. State your needs (i need you to not interrupt me). They get upset and gaslight you (blame things on you). They might avoid the subject (often by bringing up your mistakes) 2. Leave. JUST LEAVE! (There will never be a solution. It will never get better) 3. No excuses. Ask 'God' to help guide your escape. You're welcome.

@MultiFreddy34

2 жыл бұрын

Underrated comment here.

@Twinmama143

2 жыл бұрын

And Lots of self love KZread videos

@Peanuts76

2 жыл бұрын

it sucks, but i know there's no other way than leave

@angelafisher6772

2 жыл бұрын

I wish it was that easy

@lynnbrocius7976

2 жыл бұрын

I did just ask God to take control of my divorce. I'm just days into giving him the divorce papers. He's still here, I'm still here and the stress is so intense. I asked God to help me in court. All I want is what is mine...22 years of abuse = 50% OF EVERYTHING!! He does not agree...it's ALL HIS STUFF. He bought me a car for Christmas about 3 years ago. He's never signed the title over to me. Though I have paid for every tune-up and all repairs. I wash it, I clean it, I drive it. But he said "Ohhhhh I am the only person on the title," [wow I'm surprised]..."bargaining chip!".

A narcissist is like a parasite sucking the very life out of its host. I was married 25 years to a narcissist, had no idea what that even meant until my health started going bad and my doctor put me on meds. I divorced him in 2004 and feel I have PTSD from that experience. I now feel like I am healed enough to maybe date again. These videos are so comforting. Thank you.

@Stardusted1

3 жыл бұрын

Remember this though! Anyone will seem great compared to what you had. Go slow.

@truthserum5855

3 жыл бұрын

Don't do it! It's a trap! The best person in your life is you.

@1ajtg

3 жыл бұрын

I completely understand, I'm presently suffering from extreme anxiety, flashbacks. It's stomach churning, heart racing for no real reason now as I'm 2 years no contact...

@debthornton1129

2 жыл бұрын

@@1ajtg I have the extreme anxiety and flashbacks too! I think that it's cptsd

@leannladd3216

2 жыл бұрын

And just like a parasite, while they are sucking your life out, they are putting poison in. It takes a lot to heal

I’m 26 and I just left my narcissist mother last year after she assaulted me. I thought I was supposed to be free from the physical abuse since I was an adult. I finally stood up for myself and finally chose to fight back to get her off of me. I chose myself that day. I’ve never stood up for myself before. I cut her and her side of my family off as well that day, including my brother. Some members of my mother’s family had to have known that she was abusing me and chose to do nothing about it so I didn’t have any problems cutting them out of my life. I have struggled with the decision to cut my mother out of my life since I was 16. It was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but it has been the best thing for me, my health and safety. I wasn’t ready at 16, and that’s okay.

@apriliamoon

2 жыл бұрын

Yep, it is hard to do it. But you did well. Don't let her reel you in again. I left first time in my early 20s and then I in 30s I started getting in touch with her again after she received treatment in psychiatric hospital and started looking more stable. But then when the symptoms of schisophrenia where gone the malignant narcissistic personality was there to be seen at its fullest. At first she was really trying to be nice, to be supportive, and then she would just switch to anger, resentment, guilt tripping etc as soon as something is not the way she wants it. This time I decided to cut her out completely, now I know things will never work out. It was desire of my inner child to have a real caring mom who will actually understand, but I realized she will never be that. The best decision is to learn how to care for ourselves and stay away from toxic people.

@andresrogersa

2 жыл бұрын

I feel sorry for you, but it may be the best decision in the long run if she's a narc, you will abstain from tons of extra torture.

@valerieriggins3184

2 жыл бұрын

I'm Actually Proud Of You Taking BOLD Stand To Be Delivered From The Generation Curse Staying In TOXIC Relationships. Freeing Your Mind from Drama Constantly.

Not all that glitters is gold.

@haddynough8402

3 жыл бұрын

So true

@pjpj3416

2 жыл бұрын

It's never gold when dealing with a narc

I had to reprogram my subconscious intensely and learn how to live from the inside out and not the other way around. When I got in touch with my inner feelings and released the stories that were no longer serving me, the craving to return to a hopeless situation like this no longer overcame me. Peace & freedom taste better than the bitterness of narc abuse!!

@wendyann4784

3 жыл бұрын

Love this, Stacey, about living from the inside out. So true. Means a lot of work - self-honesty, therapy and tons of journaling - and for me, faith in God as life-coach and companion. Wouldn’t have it any other way. Stronger than I’ve ever been, scars and all. Blessings!

@jackierobinson8785

2 жыл бұрын

@@wendyann4784 Oh the power of the unhealed wound especially if its a trauma bond to toxic and dangerous parents. To break free you will have to give up every delusion and denial that you will be the one to save your parents. That's when the lofty heavens fall to their true order of things. And God becomes your true and living God...

@Somatic-wisdom

2 жыл бұрын

What helped you get to the root of the subconscious stories to release and replace them?

"You didn't ask to be abused."

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

Sara Spruth,You got a lovely smile

@user370Z

2 жыл бұрын

Hi Sara, I had to, for my own sake, break all ties with my sister. I just couldn't take any more. I had to change my phone numbers. I have experienced her rage too and there was a day when I thought she was going to hit me. I still get the odd email filled with abuse but I never respond. Take care. From Paris in Oz

@user-ek4il1om2d

4 ай бұрын

Ah but the narcissist will tell you that you deserve it.

My bond broke when I realized that things I loved most about him and the things I thought he was withholding and I missed after he was gone- were the things he mirrored from me during the love bombing months. So actually I fell in love with my own good traits, not him. I saw his mask and manipulation clearly.

BREAK ALL BONDS WITH THE NARCISSIST!!!

@vals74

3 жыл бұрын

Easier said than done.

@goldentsar9388

3 жыл бұрын

@@vals74 As long as it's possible, it COULD BE DONE!!

@rickelleantomez1204

3 жыл бұрын

YES IT CAN BE DONE IM A LIVING WITNESS!!!!! BREAK ALL BONDS!!!!! WALK COMPLETELY AWAY!!!!!!

@rickelleantomez1204

3 жыл бұрын

@@vals74 I’m here to tell you to stay 💪!! IT SHALL BE DONE!!!!!!

Apart from your communication skills, knowledge and kindness, your voice is so wonderful.

@SurvivingNarcissism

3 жыл бұрын

Thanks, Veronica. Dr. C

@Baebeforeany1Ls

2 жыл бұрын

Yes Dr C your voice is soothing. Im a Christian and its hard to let go and let God but I give it all to him because its bigger than me. I love my Jesus and he is my comforter however we are dealing with humanity and sin. Every negativity may have a name or diagnosis but its a pure evil that has destroyed two lives and in many cases entire families. Thank you for just being you and you may not believe or you may but I believe God gave you a gift to help struggling individuals in a cruel evil world! 😃

@deem9993

2 жыл бұрын

Yes !! Love this guys voice , it's so calm and kind and SANE

@loveshine7819

2 жыл бұрын

Agree 💯 warm, compassionate and reassuring 😌

I'm in the process of healing. I'm finding out that to break the trauma bond you look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love you", instead of looking at the way the narc. treats you and say to yourself and what they say about your during the devalue phase "I hate you."

In my experience the isolation is like the narcissist criticizes everyone that you like or can help you therefore your not acting like yourself when you are around people you like anymore. Also all the problems and chaos the narcissist creates makes it difficult for you to think and lose interest in wanting to speak with people even your close family members altogether.

@sl2608

3 жыл бұрын

They wear you out with their chaos and drain all your energy, so there is not an ounce of energy or interest left in you for anything or anyone else. They completely devour and exhaust you -- mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

@sallylee4647

3 жыл бұрын

Yes that criticism of all your family, telling you then you want to be like them, making up lies. Yes the severe chaos and confusion is real. You spend so much time trying to unravel it to please them and have peace. I used to liken it to living with an abuser like that is, being below the floor and when you finally muster up enough to get above, his foot will shove you down.

@bigfranz1709

2 жыл бұрын

It’s so true to me too!

@stephanietorres350

2 жыл бұрын

Thia is the one..

@carrie402

2 жыл бұрын

@@sl2608 You described my situation exactly.

Letting go of my narc parents has taken me a lifetime to do but it was worth it. It has indeed been a cancer that has affected my entire life. It's not easy to let go of people I love but weren't able to love me back. I was someone to use, to them. They are all about control and domination. Mom absolutely hated and resented me yet pretended to "care" in public. Dad was increasingly cold and distant and eventually became aggressive in old age. I fought for my life, to have my own opinions, identity and soul. They hated this. How dare I not obey. Ugh. They called me names and attacked me verbally nonstop. In childhood, I begged them for love and was shunned, belittled and expected to be impressive in order to gain their "love". They wanted to mold me into a clone of themselves. Nope. I had a mind of my own, and it grew more as I matured. How they hated this! They insulted and raged. I pulled further away. Even moved across the country for many years. Still, they tried to control me via the phone. Nope. I finally let go over two years ago. Sick of it all. It was killing me mentally and even physically. They tried to steal money and things from me..they demanded I sacrifice myself for their wants and needs. Nope. It's MY life. I'm not being selfish. They have NO right to tell me how to live it. They are angry, nasty people who laugh at my pain and have no interest in my life unless it benefits them in some way. I stopped visiting and calling. It doesn't hurt me to do this anymore. It's self protection. It's fighting for my psychological life. Life is peaceful and good now. I'm away from all the insanity. I let go of their enabling family friends too. I'm free from it all. It took lots of therapy, soul searching and growth on my part. I'm always growing and learning to help myself heal. We owe ourselves this, to heal and have good lives. My business thrives and my home is peaceful. It's worth breaking that trauma bond in the end. I'm 57 now and feel like I'm reborn. Life goes on. I guard my freedom and peace now. No narcs allowed.

@christinafreefromnarcs5948

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you! After reading your comment I’m in tears , I’m 48 and I am just a year going no contact and it still hurts even though I have new knowledge of what I was dealing with from both parents and so many more , I feel as if I’m so messed up physically and emotionally that I’ll never be ok and reading your comment gives me hope that maybe I can be ok , I read comments about how hard it is to get over one Narcissist and I had to cut off a hundred of them all at one time but I’m still not free from them all . I hate that other people know how this feels but if it wasn’t for this internet I would still think I was all alone in this battle and it’s not about misery loves company, it’s about always feeling like the black sheep and feeling crazy that no one understands or believes in you , after a lifetime of confusion, being told that abuse is love. But now I can hear my own voice and trust my gut ,it still hurts that I wasted my life chasing love from parents that lead me to accept crumbs from others.

@Sharon-sw7mr

3 жыл бұрын

😊 Thanks

@malkaringel7864

3 жыл бұрын

@@christinafreefromnarcs5948 good for you! Stay courageous & strong. You're still young enough to build a good life. I'm 65 in September & today was the 1st of going "no contact". We lived together for 12 years...& I've been on my own 15 years...but he was back in/out over the last 6. Viciously abusive. Now, I rebuild myself & self esteem...& find creative solutions for shopping, etc as I live in chronic pain/mobility issues ...yet I will manage without all that drama!!!

@annamariatozzi2562

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing, it hurts but you are worth it. My life paths is very similar, finding my self care and learning not to justify. I owe them nothing. God bless

@artworkdance9120

2 жыл бұрын

Thank you so much, you choose you! I am in the same situation and choosing self love now too, for my peace, my joy and kindness, away from that anger, projection, uncare. I love me and do not need their love anymore and it is freeing:)

Oh yes, how I wish these videos had been out when I was young (I'm 66 now). I had no idea I had a trauma bond that I needed to break totally, and leave that person behind. At least I understand now what I was feeling and experiencing then.

@gloriacoleman7012

3 жыл бұрын

I'm 65 God bless you, sweetie in your new life.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

All we older ladies seem to find a narc sooner or later in our life. lol I am free because of Jesus!

@detjaggillar8081

3 жыл бұрын

And I'm 61 now. Met my ex-narc as age of 45 (he was 36) and we was together 12 years totally: 10 years first - and I left him for 4 years. Then he hovered me in for 2 years but I finally get away in autumn 2020 and this time he is NOT going to get me hovered in again. Since I left it's No Contact from me.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

@@detjaggillar8081 My husband and I split October of 2020. I had been in bed a month with a sore foot, lifted up in the air. I was unable to go anywhere or do much around the house. Once morning I woke and told my husband I just wanted to go to emergency for x rays. I was tied of not being able to get around. In stead of taking me to the emergency, he kicked me out of the house. lol Yipeeee, best day yet. I did not really care because I was going back to take care of my son's house while he was in the hospital. AndI was going to return back to my husband. But, I was just too exhausted to drive, so I never made it back. lol So I am also no contact after he told me he is getting a girl roommate. I told him go ahead it is his life. The last time I texted him I asked him about his new roommate and told him she is welcome to contact me anytime for his favorite recipes. lol

@maggie6

3 жыл бұрын

68... bad luck for us. We didn’t have the internet. So no means of educating ourselves on this. Lucky for the young ones. They don’t have to follow in our steps.

Dr. Carter, your calm voice and steady encouragement is a God send. Thank you for all you do.

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

Kathy Dunn,You are absolutely gorgeous 🌹🌹🌷🌹🌺

@valeriealexander4856

2 жыл бұрын

Totally agree. Thank you Dr. C.

I told myself today, "I'm going to stay over here on Team Healthy" and I made myself chuckle :-) Your channel has really helped me, thank you so much!

I went no contact with my narcissistic mother 15 years ago. After 40 years, and multiple breaks previously, I finally made the breakaway permanent. My self esteem has risen and it's definitely grown much calmer. I realized that I could no longer keep trying to seek her approval.

@biederland4926

3 жыл бұрын

I've gone almost 2 years no contact with my mother. I didn't realize she was "narcissistic" - just plain nuts. She was clearly gaslighting me during our last conversation about the horrible way she treated me when I was younger, that I told her "I'm done". I've tried many times to go no contact with her but I was always wracked with guilt. Not anymore.

@kdphotos4691

3 жыл бұрын

@@biederland4926 - it's been over a decade for me. She tried to contact me when this COVID lock-down started. She got her husband to post on my social media, "phone your mother. She's worried about you!" I wrote back, "I don't have her number because she refused to give it to me. She didn't care when I became ill and lost my home and really needed her. It makes no sense that she suddenly cares now." That was after a decade of no contact. It took decades for me to finally realise that I owe her nothing. She had many opportunities to sort herself out but she refused to do any work on herself. I owe her nothing.

@threethrushes

3 жыл бұрын

With agents of chaos, there is only one way; do a 180, walk away, and respect your sanity.

@helenhighwater5313

3 жыл бұрын

@@threethrushes "Agents of chaos", how accurately descriptive!

@linneajohnson5362

3 жыл бұрын

My mom has been dead 25 years and I'm only now realizing she was narcissistic. Think she had her monkeys even after she died! That's a controlling person!

My dad was narasstic, and learned to be giver so I married a narasstic man , when my big income stopped, so did the marriage, till I found the next narasstic ,or he found me . Now I am alone and happy

I found that if I cleaned up my entire act and lived purely, honestly, humbly, lovingly, and yet powerfully I got out of it a WHOLE LOT BETTER. While they criticized me I listened to them, swallowed the injury and made the corrections needed, and as I did I started to like me more and more, and in doing that I got stronger. Over time, as I listened to their criticisms I was able to see that alot of the time now, they were no longer right becoz I had permanently changed those things, and as time drew on, I was able to begin to dismiss, 1 by 1, all of their complaints, and I began to see their own unchanging flaws more and more, and what's more was, I began to see their true nature so their grip on me began to loosen to the point that what they said affected me not. It was a long slow process of self-correction which became self-empowerment which became self-freedom. Then one day, something happened and I thought "meh... I'v had enough of this boring crap, i'm just gonna walk away" and as they realized they could no longer control me and they went into "control orhers' perception" of me mode, becoz I had built a rock solid reputation of purity, honesty, integrity and strength with everyone around me over all those years, most just didn't swallow it and they rolled their eyes and walked away. And those who did believe it, weren't worth my time coz the only ppl who really knew the whole truth were the only opinions I cared about... God's and my own... If u are with 1 of these ppl, take it as a call to clean up ur act, put in the honest hard work, and you will triumph more than they could ever hope for... it is SO worth it... And when you walk away you walk away as the Sovereign King or Queen you always were, coz u EARNED ur pedigree... and they are just children playing at ur feet in the sandpit of life...

@denicehaley9902

Жыл бұрын

Amen and amen.

I have finally seen that my wife of almost 24 years (we’ve been together for almost 30) is a covert narcissist. I didn’t want to believe that, and it was the trauma bond that made me deny it. We "agreed" to divorce. This also happened two years ago after she had an affair, but we reconciled before it was final. But now I see I have this trauma bond as clear as day when before I had so many doubts. This hurts like hell. I’m grief-stricken for my two kids (20 and 17) like I have failed them and done them much harm. I have also not treated my daughter well recently because she sided with my wife and wanted us to separate. I regret losing my temper with her. It obviously hit a trauma bond nerve. That doesn’t excuse it; I’m responsible for what I did. Now she won’t speak with me, and I am terrified she will side with mom and have no relationship with me. Today I applied for a lease near my son’s high school. I know I need to go as low contact as possible. But I’m facing terrible loneliness already. I keep hope for the other side of things and the finalization of divorce.

@wayforward6928

2 жыл бұрын

Good luck Matthew, stay strong. Remember that God will get you through this one step at a time.🙏

@bbarnett7667

2 жыл бұрын

At their age Matt, the children are old enough to understand a split. Please get free and don’t make any excuses for doing what’s right for yourself.

@rbnutwood4659

2 жыл бұрын

🍀🍀🍀

@deborahwilcox631

2 жыл бұрын

I’m so sorry. Healing with come and prepare yourself, your daughter very well will side with her mother, but give her grace because she has been manipulated since birth. She will come back.

@jamesritch5245

2 жыл бұрын

Hey man, my wife of 15 years was recently caught cheating on me. Ghosted me after the fact and my 19 year old son. It does hurt like hell especially since she just threw us away like trash. Trauma is real. 4 months later I'm still fucked up but definitely getting better. You will start feeling better also but you can't contact her or hang around with her. Trust me it makes it worse. Your wife moved on probably a long time ago like mine

I just left a month ago. So glad . just gotta get my mind and life back. I'm free , I'm free !!!!!

@linda__4587

3 жыл бұрын

@@laurenhamilton3537 Keep at it Lauren. I broke free last week. My mother died 20 years ago and the chains came off last week. I hope it lasts. So wonderful.

@tichiveon6715

3 жыл бұрын

Good step.Am also free at last. Hoping to get over all this pain out of my mind

@linda__4587

3 жыл бұрын

@@tichiveon6715 I"m so happy for you. My mother is powerless over me now. She didn't want me happy but others do. I'm going for that. Try and be happy despite this person.

Narcissists are very good at managing image of themselves.. They pretend to be nice, pleasant and supportive. Underneath of this is a cruel, cold blooded and abusive person. In my case, the narcissist at my workplace kept a tab on all my acquaintances and would approach them and malign my reputation so that I was isolated and unable to expose him and ask for help. Narcissists are toxic and criminals. May I be free of all such entities by the grace of Goddess.

@phoenixrising8007

3 жыл бұрын

Malign your reputation 💥🎯 Malicious covert intent

@francesbernard2445

3 жыл бұрын

Dr. Carter is not one of them for sure. Sometimes just a little too much going by the books just the same as all the rest of us are prone to do from time to time.

@francesbernard2445

3 жыл бұрын

I am so glad to have moved away from a high rise building being run like that for awhile. It felt oppressive. Sounds like someone in the rental office who accused me of starting the fire that I almost didn't make it out of too if it hadn't been by a fireman who kept on knocking hard on my door until I finally woke up. Her anger, yet another narcissist, I was not trauma bonded to.

@sirtedricwalker2979

3 жыл бұрын

Only GOD....

@kdphotos4691

3 жыл бұрын

@@sirtedricwalker2979 - no.

Thank you for realizing each case is individual. Not a one-size-fits-all solution.

I just left mine 3 or 4 weeks ago. It is tough. Yes there was emotional abuse but there also a lot of good times but with videos like these it's been helpful

@marlamartenson5312

3 жыл бұрын

The good times makes it so hard to leave.

@beckyharrt

2 жыл бұрын

Make an ‘Ick’ list (see Dr.Ramani’s videos) & keep adding to it. Reread it whenever you’re feeling weak.

@dominiquemaurice7978

2 жыл бұрын

Im struggling my life cause he dumped me like garbage and I'm completely lost, having bad thoughts

@lightofall

2 жыл бұрын

I relate

Focus on yourself. Best decision you’ll ever make..💕

@marlamartenson5312

3 жыл бұрын

Yes!

@redstaplerguyforlifepastpr5763

2 жыл бұрын

🤔

@21stcenturylady15

2 жыл бұрын

Yes!

This was my dad best adult decision I ever made was to stay away from him

I now see this as a process of detachment which can take several years, not just physically but also psychologically. Eventually one frees oneself of the 'hold' the narcissist has. Its much like 'the lights coming on' after a long dark time. Instinct says something is very wrong but one does not want to see it or face it because changes have to take place and it hurts. Life comes good!

Dignity respect and civility. These words are my mantra now. Am I behaving this way towards others and are others behaving like this towards me. Simple.

I actually did develop cancer. I think the relationship was a factor. When I told him he moved 800 miles away. Then returned for more supply when I recovered. Thank God, I got away.

@justonemori

3 жыл бұрын

hugs

@reinegoggin2806

3 жыл бұрын

Wow! That's sickening!

@donnafoley9684

3 жыл бұрын

Pam, I so empathize. I had gotten stage 4 lymphoma cancer when I was going through hell with my Narcissistic husband. GOD healed me!!! GOD BLESS YOU 😇

@WhiteAngelLovesEarth

3 жыл бұрын

Pam, I hope you're doing really well now!

@pamh5635

3 жыл бұрын

I am doing wonderful. I learned a lot from that relationship. Mostly, that loving myself is top priority. He was like a crash course on what is NOT LOVE. I kept making excuses for his bad behavior. I was so confused. A big Red flag. Now I listen to my Self. I have been in a healthy eating program for a little over a year and have burnt off over 100 pounds. I feel better prepared to have happy relationships in the future. Being desperate to be loved is gone. I love me. There is so much more to say, but, one thing, don't be fooled when the love bombing stops that it will come back, it only comes back when they need more supply. The world became dark and darker being with him. Get out. Return to daylight.

I don't think I was able to completely break the bond until after my father passed away a couple of years ago. He was a narcissist but not a terrible person, if that makes sense. But, I did feel a sense of peace after he was gone. And now that have completely cut off my malignant narc brother since then, I feel so much happier. No one left to constantly judge me.

@pianolearner7

3 жыл бұрын

Similar to my story. My mother was very narcissistic and when she died I felt relieved. Then I realised my sister was just like her and after her upsetting me with nasty messages I blocked her and went no contact. She's trying to contact me at the moment as her partner is ill but I'm looking after me and keeping my distance. She can use all her flying monkeys for support instead.

@annehynynen8153

3 жыл бұрын

I can relate.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

I also went no contact with siblings after my mom passed.

@mariaawake4502

3 жыл бұрын

Sounds like my experience might have been similar to yours. After learning about narcissism I realized that my father must have been a covert narcissist . Also he was charming, generous and humble there was something odd and " unreachable" about him. When he passed away a couple years ago, I could not cry, although I was sad.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

@@mariaawake4502 It took me years to cry over my dad. It took me more years to finally forgive and let all the abuse go. My mom died 3 years ago. I think I cried when I told my son she had passed. I forgave her more quickly. I don't have contact with my siblings though, they are narcs. They other day my son was telling me how my mom blamed him for a particular problem that had to do with her and my dad. He was only 10. I was filled with anger, took some time to work through that.

I'm going through this now. I'm in a very very dark place. It hurts

@jadewheeler4104

3 жыл бұрын

I feel ya. Me too!

@motheowalerato701

3 жыл бұрын

You will be okay, I left in 2018 and I was in a very dark place too😥

@Godmysalvation123

3 жыл бұрын

Pray to God even if you think he’s not listening. It does hurt so much, it gets easier, I promise.

@monicanapier9087

3 жыл бұрын

Me too but I laughed a lot because st the end I played same games w him ! They aren’t that smart !

@Tinaf271

2 жыл бұрын

I'm right here with you. Down in the deep. Keep pushing. Keep your head up.

It’s taken me 40 years to realize nearly all of my significant relationships in my life were/are with narcissists, from both parents to my first husband, to ex-boyfriends. I’m finally healing from all that trauma and realizing that I never had unconditional love until recently, in part because I never had that love for myself. Dr. Carter is right-you can get out but it’s not easy. It’s so worth it, but it’s a very tough road. I’m still in the midst of that now but I see all this light on the other side and I’m stubbornly determined. 😬

The best way to deal with the narc is going no contacting and pay the full price for your sanity and your freedom .

@JH-dh7dw

3 жыл бұрын

I think Dr. C covered the best way to deal with this. Thank you though

@darrinarmstrong5294

3 жыл бұрын

Damn.. the narcissist made you forget how to spell to? Wow thats some power! Lmao. I couldn't resist!

@Ericmjr

3 жыл бұрын

@@darrinarmstrong5294 😂😂😂

@TheJinx1718

3 жыл бұрын

*sanity *freedom but yea your right..

@pjpj3416

2 жыл бұрын

AMEN 👏👍

It is astonishing how evil the narcissists are, I have grown up with them and met many. I can tell a narcissist in the first five minutes of meeting them. Now I don't allow them to engage me for more than a few minutes and then I excuse myself. It wasn't easy in the beginning because family places pressure on you to be around them. I no longer get the pressure because I calmly told them "I have other plans" enough that they gave up. I would rather be completely alone than with these kinds of people, but I don't have to be alone, I grew new friends that I love and love me back. What a blessing of alone time while I waited for new friendships. AND, you are right Dr. Carter, they do not change, it makes it easier to get away. There is always that hope that "this time will be different" when we go back for a visit, but the next time is no different, every time.

@artworkdance9120

2 жыл бұрын

It is like these people are from another planet to create evil. I grew up with a narcissistic father, mother and sister and felt never safe at home, always walking on egg shelves, scared, and non stop criticized. They are all the same, not able to feel the connection with god so they feed on your emotions to feel empowered, to feel like god.

I am finally breaking free of an 18 yr trauma bond. We have two kids, but they are doing better than I am. I have no contact, and filed for divorce. When I find that I question myself, I watch your videos. Thank god for them! You have helped me so very much.

@adrienne-w3q

3 жыл бұрын

My son has anxiety and depression, I will always hate my ex for it, always

@jamesmcginn8874

2 жыл бұрын

I've been out almost 5 years--best thing I've ever done--No Contact is wonderful--i lived with her 23 years00i got to the stage where i couldn't take anymore-i slowly planned my escape--this guy is just gr8. J.

@leahflower9924

2 жыл бұрын

i'm struggling with the divorce because the whole time he calls and texts: i set him up i used him if i just changed we wouldnt even have to do the divorce which i need to know he will make as difficult as possible because its my fault.....................

@deadmanswife3625

2 жыл бұрын

@@jamesmcginn8874 James that's great. You're your own best company so happy to be comfortable with yourself right? Right!

@jamesmcginn8874

2 жыл бұрын

@@deadmanswife3625 Was married all those years--its something i never want to experience again--happy as i am now--but down the line i might venture to my next chapter--still a little WARY at this point

I just left my narcissistic ex last week. I definitely saw number 3. He would go between screaming insults at the top of his lungs to the silent treatment for days. He never was able to calmly just sit down and talk things out. It was hard leaving but I know atleast I don’t have to deal with that anymore

I know I keep making comments but if I can help one person...ill be glad. I just wanted to say that being with my ex, I use to wake from a nap or sleep with this panicky shaking but I never knew why. After I was away from him, over a years time I realized I didn't wake up that way anymore. I've cut way down on my anxiety and panic attacks, It did take a year to calm down. I was with the ex for 13 years. Thank you God and my daughter for helping me leave♡♡♡ I hope you take care of you cause the narcissist wont

@thescapegoatclub

3 жыл бұрын

So glad you’re doing better now. My panic attacks are subsiding, and my screaming nightmares are less frequent too. Hope I’m nearly out of it as you are too

@texannadeb5005

3 жыл бұрын

It has been 14 months of no contact for me and it has only been the last couple of weeks that I am not obsessing and ruminating over it every waking moment. It is a relief when I realize I am going longer periods of time without thinking about him, us. I too have gone through panic attacks and constant depression. I think I am finally seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel. Now, I find myself hyper vigilant, maybe unfairly so sometimes, but I never want to find myself in a relationship like that again. Never again!

@Stardusted1

3 жыл бұрын

Funny you say that, because it’s been 45 years away from my ex, but I still duck if a man raises his arm too fast around me.

@joannad2825

3 жыл бұрын

I’ve been married to a narcissist for 24 years and have been on anti anxiety medication for the last 5. I always thought there was something wrong with me. Now I know it’s having this toxic person in my life. It’s been through watching these videos and educating myself about narcissism that I’m finally figuring this stuff out. I feel inspired by your story that I can get better.

@morningsong8077

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for posting. I used to have insomnia due to anxiety. I thought it was due to hormonal changes. It wasn’t. I experienced symptoms of IBS and depression. It wasn’t until nearly 17 years in that I started figuring things out. When my kids started having panic attacks, severe anxiety, and depression, I realized something was terribly wrong. How had I not seen it before? I realized that I had been cut off from my family and the narc was trying to choose my friends. We weren’t even allowed to stay very long after church services to talk with people. Things we enjoyed were made fun of. We were mocked and ridiculed for so many things. He constantly fed us fear. We never knew when he would have an angry reaction to something. Often, it was just a brooding - it filled the entire house. Looking back in my journals, it’s plain to see that I was aware and yet not aware. I’ve been out for three months, in which time I’ve grown more confident in myself and my abilities. My kids are doing better, but it will be a long road for them, I’m afraid.

This psychological trap seems so ridiculous from the outside, but it is so hard to break. It will be fascinating to learn. Edited in: I'm not in it now, and have not been for several years.

@matilda1505

3 жыл бұрын

@@shawnmendrek3544 Spot on ! It doesn’t happen over night. It lingers .

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

Sometimes I read comments about what others put up with and am astonished. Then, I look at myself and am astonished with what I put up with.

Your videos are so COMFORTING and ENCOURAGING. Thank you for your helpful tips about “Opening Up and Speaking Out” about this horrible abuse.🌼

@SurvivingNarcissism

5 ай бұрын

Glad the videos resonate!!

The isolation is so difficult. I know that he’ll pull a stunt off and humiliate me over and over if I try to have friends. It’s gone on for too long.

Breaking Trauma Bonds Is Emotionally Separating UrSelf From Them .Blocking Them Going No Contact.

@TuxieTude

3 жыл бұрын

Not exactly..

@donnafoley9684

3 жыл бұрын

Demi, That is true and it works. It's very hard, especially when it is your mom. Valentine's Day is my mother's birthday and I am so tempted to call her. I won't, I can't. It hurts so bad, when you hunger to have a relationship with a parent, yet they are so evil. GOD is healing me 💔

@rickelleantomez1204

3 жыл бұрын

@@donnafoley9684 Wow this is my story as well!! I’m going no contact with my mom and her whole family!!

@donnafoley9684

3 жыл бұрын

@@rickelleantomez1204 It is really hard. I should have done it years ago. I have always said, but she's my mom. All I did was cause myself more pain and abuse.All you can do is pray for your family. GOD can't help them, unless they want it. GOD BLESS YOU 😇❣️

If you know how to handle this kind of person they u won the game ..... It's quite natural just learn and know urself ...... Don't cut them directly just move away slowly slowly and set the strict boundaries.

@bhupindergadh

3 жыл бұрын

Very nice!!!

@oumai_ma22

2 жыл бұрын

Exactly

I called it my addiction. Like crack baby syndrome, since the narc was my parent(s). Once I had the huge revelation about my mother, I stopped chasing the dragon like I had done pretty much my entire life. It only took me about 52 years. Sheesh. Well, better late than never. Def it is a difficult process tho. It is a lot like kicking an addiction to hard drugs or alcoholism.

@hazizeljucovic4956

Жыл бұрын

You just Described me.i got out never Happier....may you stay blessed 🙌

I didn't realize my parent was a narcissist until I had my own kids. Once I started to reflect on my parenting style I realized my narcissist's behavior toward me was extremely unhealthy and detrimental to every aspect of my life. I don't have any clue what a truly healthy relationship feels like.

You are a Godsend Dr Carter, just know that❣️

@angelanicoletti3330

3 жыл бұрын

Amen

@defenderofdharma983

3 жыл бұрын

He is God indeed

@allykatharvey

3 жыл бұрын

I agree!

You covered all the perimeter Dr. C. Your depth of understanding and direction are priceless. Thank you for wisdom.

@ampavoo

3 жыл бұрын

So beautifully put.

Your empathy, compassion and validation really help me feel seen. ❤️ Thank you!

@SurvivingNarcissism

Жыл бұрын

You are so welcome, Bonnie.

I’ve realized that I have been in a trauma bond with my sister for a long time. Waking up to this painful reality has been so difficult. What makes it even harder is knowing the other sibling refuses to see what is happening and blames me for the behavior just like our Narc parent did. The therapist has helped me gently see that when you’re the scapegoat the children follow suit even into adulthood and unless they get therapy to heal and stop drinking alcohol to cope with their own trauma they will follow in the narcissistic parent’s footsteps. It’s been hard work recovering from the chaos I grew up in but knowing I can’t take my sisters with me because they don’t want to go has been one of the most painful things of my life.

Break the chains of that abusive relationship!

Thank you. This is so important for freeing yourself from the cycle of abuse with a narcissist. I did not know how to cut them off at the time even though I knew logically that they violated me over and over again, and I hated them for it. For some reason, I still felt compassion towards them when they contacted me and I was in it again and regretted it immediately. Hopefully, this video will empower those in narcissistic relationships to break the cycle and trauma bond.

@wolfganga982

3 жыл бұрын

Writing down all the mean and manipulative things the narcissist did to me helped A LOT to detach myself from him and to put everything into perspective. Whenever I still felt compassion or guilt towards him, that list reminded of all the times he gaslighted me and psychologically abused me. It's like a hook which keeps you grounded into reality and avoids idealizing the narcissist. Hope it helps :)

@DS-lh1dh

3 жыл бұрын

Exactly the same with me.. I still loved her so much.. Almost was over her.. Then she emailed me and we started talking.. I fell for it again but this time I married her.. The marriage didn't last but 8 months.. I had enough and somehow found the strength to get her out.. It was horrible.. Just horrible

@staceydenise5538

3 жыл бұрын

@@wolfganga982 Ditto! I spin the 'top' to know where I am.

@sandys2002

3 жыл бұрын

Empaths just don't stop caring. I know I can't be with my husband, but I still care that he get free and have a good life.

@EmmieTuesday

3 жыл бұрын

The perps and their rationale can run the spectrum of professionals as well.

Dr. Carter is So wonderful to point out all the danger flags of Trauma Bonding! I’m in Alberta, Canada and having a hard time finding a therapist. My long marriage of 48 years had annihilated my being. Imagine! I was a professional singer touring the U.S for many years. Every thing came to an abrupt stop marrying a man full of lies. He told me four times a day that I was crazy, no one could stand living with me. In total fear, I’d lock my bedroom door, but I could hear him breathing behind it ! I went without food many times to avoid him. Now I’m in a independent living, seniors apartment building but I cannot socialize. I had lost all communication with family and my son through forced isolation. BUT, these videos, Dr. Carter are my Life Line now and I’m so very grateful for all you do and all your knowledge on Trauma Bonding. Thank you so very much from this subscriber! I’ll do all I can to enroll in your courses. Sincerely, Robin B in Edmonton, Alberta.

i miss laughing my lungs out and not feel bad. i miss that so so much. she really broke me

For me, it was having my voice silenced when growing up. Whenever I complained as a child, I was told that I wasn't "being grateful" or the topic was changed to make it about me not "showing respect to my elders". As a result, I never learned to complain, speak up, etc. That got taken advantage of.

@error60091

3 жыл бұрын

Thank you for sharing this... for me, it was being told "Why are you always so negative?!!"

@heatherh3638

2 жыл бұрын

@@error60091 And for me "why do you like to be in pain?"

This video is so timely. I broke it off with my narcissistic significant other 3 weeks ago and it is painful. I can only imagine that this is what withdrawal feels like. Thank you for the videos that you create.

@oscarwilliamson1264

3 жыл бұрын

Hilary Swartz,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

@kevinlanning2727

3 жыл бұрын

How you making out now?

@hillaryswartz6381

3 жыл бұрын

@@kevinlanning2727 I feel much better. I’m starting to feel and think like an individual person now and I think about him a whole lot less. 3 months of zero contact.

@beloglavisup2

2 жыл бұрын

Why did you choose him? 🤔🤔

@ginaferrell7828

2 жыл бұрын

I could not agree more….I felt like he was my drug of choice and the addiction to him was a pain I didn’t like. It was like withdrawals.

After 32 years of living with my narcissistic husband I finally had enough. That was 10 years ago. I have 4 adult children & little to no relationship with them anymore. I miss them terribly but I had to leave him for my own sanity.

@dnk4559

2 жыл бұрын

My husband is also separated from his children. His ex has made sure they will never speak to him and threatened this when he tried to get her into marriage counseling. Thankfully he’s my husband now and I’m truly blessed to be married to him. Now I just have to learn to detach from my own family of origin.

It has been difficult to break the trauma bond because of the mirroring that my ex did well beginning on our first date. After 37 years together I overheard my husband on the phone telling a female “friend” a story about his past that of course began with himself becoming a hero after being victimized. I knew who he was talking to & realized he was mirroring her “trauma” as if he had experienced the same. It was then I did some read each & found the stories he told me in the love bombing stage were nothing more than made up stories to appear to be experiencing the same difficulties in his life. When I “awoke” from my fantasy, our relationship was full of vicious manipulation, lies, projection & intentional harm. My mind is still reeling from the reality of an empty, purposeless life. I have been seeing a therapist for 7 years but it will take me every week for the rest of my life to recover.

You will never be good enough to the wrong person and the narcissist is definitely the wrong person 👍 up survivors and thrivers 🙏

I wanted to be loyal. I was going to hang in there until I finally got the words right, then narc mother would understand. Loyalty was the trauma bond. The assumption that she loved me blinded me. Horrid!

Bawling watching this, it is everything I've been wanting to say but don't have the words. It hit me hard when you said "these people won't change or can't change"...

My parents caused me so much pain that going No Contact was actually a huge relief, but the biggest relief was moving across the country from them. They can no longer control my every thought and action(or try to rather), and I no longer care about keeping their secrets!

Freedom comes with maturity. The more you understand what you are dealing with the better position you put yourself to care for yourself and then others. Thx doc for being such an insightful guide.

I feel for all y'all goin' thru this right now. Cause I know from experience that having little family or bein' a single parent acts like a bullseye to these ppl. Stay strong and be glad that you have the internet to help you figure out WTF is happening.

"Live with a sense of dignity, respect and civility." All of those are missing in a narcissistic relationship. Thank you.

39 narcissists disliked this video 😆 This is spot on such as all of his videos!!!

8:25 : a “required Co-dependency”, and resenting this assigned role since I was a child, has been very difficult to escape. The mind games, especially forced guilt, kept me thinking I could never be free from doing what I was told I must do. I didn’t realize just how draining, and even abnormal it was until I raised my own family entirely differently. I couldn’t stand being owned any more, and finally had to go no contact late in life.

@TotalWar305

2 жыл бұрын

I’m in the same situation, glad to hear it is possible to break the cycle

You helped me greatly in getting out of a relationship with a narcissist. Thanks for the empowering knowledge.

@christianpulisic7784

3 жыл бұрын

KC,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

KC,You look beautiful 🌷,Hope you are not with a narcissist!

@KC-ny8vo

2 жыл бұрын

I am free from a narcissist, and more importantly, I know what to look for now.

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@KC-ny8vo Ok dear.I am Jack from USA 🇺🇸. You?

@jackpetersen7545

2 жыл бұрын

@@KC-ny8vo Which country are you from?

Yes, I’ve cut off communication with my narcissist ex husband and my daughter who is strangely just like him. But now there is such another sadness in myself and my two adult sons. We are all grieving over the loss of the perfect family life and connection. Maybe that is why people stay in relationship despite the pain....to maintain a semblance of traditional family life (?)

@HealingElements

3 жыл бұрын

This resonated. Took a year course in power & control mechanisms/ narcissistic abuse & the generational patterning that ensues. Best thing I've done. However , that described me , your comment is simply stated, eloquent and raw. Children immulate their parents behavior patterns. .I have done just that, stayed - and have 3 kids. There are degrees of the roles they play. The "truth teller" and everyone elses roles. The class educated me along with this intellectual angel of a mans videos Thank you Dr Carter ! The class helped me see CRYSTAL CLEARLY everyones roles, enabler or clone the codeoendent and covert narcissist...i had to comment because although the class education was pivotal, NOTHING CAN DIMINISH HOW PAINFUL IT IS ON MANY LEVELS. To be in that role suffering gas lighting devaluing abuse is to be the role of a phantom. You are invisible & not just the covert narcs target but you can become the "family pinata". It is very hard - especially after years *20+) and with big family or any children... Grey rock/ radical acceptance/ coping and spiritual practice have aided me. The world is full of toxic relationships that some choose to stay in. I respect both who leave and those who stay for - the reason you stated. I am certainly aware that its detrimental to be on the receiving end of this kind of behavior though. But thou shall not judge . Wth a narcissistic abuser - chances are the family will be broken upon the death of the relationship - there is no amicable Sunday coparent dinners. Additionally the manipulation continues with a vengeance - continuing even MORE SO after the abandonment. Manipulation and unfair influential nasty negative persuasion to the kids, friends and family - so. Yes the pain and dilemma is real. Blessings love and light. .

@graceselfe8628

5 ай бұрын

Resonate here too. My daughter's behaviours has completely separated our family, I've just started to cut ties, even though I have grandkids, I cannot keep doing it. I had breast cancer for 6 years. I really believe the ongoing stress and worry for her took its toll. I'm better now, just can't do it anymore.

When our divorce hearing was scheduled, he told me “I will never have another woman. I plan to wear my wedding ring until I die.” I said, “You had another woman while we were married and while you were still wearing that same ring! All you’d be doing by wearing the ring is making sure you only attract women of the moral character that they are willing to be with a married man!”

If i can say one thing... I was about 11years old when i learned to take a part a locking door handle. I used the bathroom handle on my room door so he would stop coming in to beat me up/undressing me. I tried to record him with the years to get him arrested. Its like nothing ever happened.He spent my education money on booze. Tried to get my wife to leave me multiple times.because i had a witness he did everything he could to break us a part. Thankyou for your videos. They are changing my life!

@missnukkinfutz

3 жыл бұрын

I used to sleep in the bathtub when I was about that age for the same reason. The only room in the house that had a lock. I wish I'd had thought to do what you did, I'd have gotten more sleep. Hope you're doing well now... It takes years to get past this type of abuse.

@Joelswinger34

3 жыл бұрын

I am so sorry you had to go through all that!

@upnorthviking823

3 жыл бұрын

@@missnukkinfutz Thanks so much!Feels good to know im not alone!I moved familly in another town like 3months ago.Hope you are doing better as well.I think it might never go away.We just have to learn to deal with it. Multiple stages.The hardest still for me,i cant stand not doing anything,have to move,still haunted by flashbacks. God bless you my friend! Stay strong!!Big hug to you!

@upnorthviking823

3 жыл бұрын

@@Joelswinger34 thankyou for your kind words!!I appreciate it alot! God bless you!👍

@DarcieGlam

3 жыл бұрын

You are so strong. I am glad you have a loving wife.

Because I left a narcissist, I started doing research and online learning, now I realize my grandmother, mother, sister and closest friend are all narcissist. I have been trained from childhood to obey. I have been in therapy.. I can now see the patterns of abuse. I am thankful for your videos. I now am able to take a deep breath before I answer a question, I can put my head down for a second to hide a reaction.. lol..my mother and grandmother are passed .. I have no contact with my best friend of 50 years.. I keep my sister at arms length. Freedom can be achieved but it can be hard won

Leaving a narcisistic relationship is very painful but staying is deadly!

I'm now prepared to deal with the hurt and pain separating from this situation will cause. I want to deal with my self care. Thank you Dr. Les Carter, you and Dr. Ramani have provided expert knowledge and tools to handle this in order to keep my sanity.

It’s much easier said than done. Especially when you have older teenage children who mimic the behavior. And entire religious communities that cut you out for walking away. Little by little:)

@CH-in8dm

3 жыл бұрын

Please watch a vid on channel: CalSouthern PSYCHOLOGY Title: Treatment of Attatchment-based "Parental Alienation" It will help you understand what happened to your children

"Filter your life through me". I am an extremely loving person and I have broken the trauma bond-pattern.

@shahadah1451

Жыл бұрын

@@HippyChickFL Sorry, hippie chick, KZread did not inform me of your reply, and I just saw it. I listened every day to Dr. Carter, Dr. Ramani, and NarcDaily, all narcissistic abuse recovery coaches on KZread. I also got Melanie Tonia Evans' therapy online. Then I began to work on parts of myself that needed fixing and got a serious daily prayer life and distanced myself from all abusive family members and "friends." In February it will be two years since I became aware, began to distance myself, and began to work on myself and focus and love myself. I am a much stronger person today. I only have a down day now and then, instead of most of the time. I believe in myself again. I pray you are all right, dear, and that you will receive my message.

No contact whatsoever and making a clean break was essential for my sanity. Now I'm left trying to heal the part of me that tolerates sick, controlling, manipulative, unempathetic, emotionally unavailable, narcissistic women.

Live is good on the other side. There is light at the end of the tunnel and no, it is not an on-coming train. I ran for my very life and found the freedom to be me that you describe. I would have been so much easier if I had heard these words before I had to discover it all for myself. Codependent No More, I'm OK - You're OK, When Anger Hurts were my saving books. Thank you for all that you do.

This bond is hard to break but seeing the narc with the mask completely off and in a total rage just gives u a glimpse of ur life with this evil. The cruelty begins quickly once they have u mirrored they think they can take over. Take ur power back. Leave, never look back ever! This is a demon wanting to feed off of ur loving empath heart.

This is a great video ! I stayed 15 years with my narc and it destroyed my children! This trama bond is real ! Thanks dr carter

Amen. I was sick with an eating disorder and many other stressors when I met my narc. When I got well and started flourishing is when I realized he had to gooooooo. ❤️

when you grow up with this insanity and sadness, it really sucks and drains you when you are the main target! first holidays alone ! 😇

@SurvivingNarcissism

6 ай бұрын

I wish the best for you.