1:44 Tom recognizes Berts anxiety with his wife, and expertly inserts the little extra doubt to get the ball rolling....... with barely a word... a savage master

@colemcwilliams95

4 жыл бұрын

Toms that good friend who will always have his back. But if Bert messes up one day Tom knows what words to say to crush him

@dougferguson6876

4 жыл бұрын

@@colemcwilliams95 the best friends are always that way

@thomasward1539

4 жыл бұрын

tom is the low key funniest man ever

@zubairdawd7837

4 жыл бұрын

I dont get it

@award89

3 жыл бұрын

Do you feel kinda...hahaha savage

Bert: I’m afraid my wife is going to cheat on me Also Bert: I haven’t been to a dentist in 10 years

@Josh-ks4lx

2 жыл бұрын

Even if your teeth were falling out or few and far between that wouldn't justify a wife cheating on her husband? Like wtf?

@whatthefuckiswater2055

2 жыл бұрын

@@Josh-ks4lx would you want to come home every day to someone who doesn't take care of themselves simply because they just don't want to? While nothing justifies cheating, a lack of personal hygiene even when offered help after years of being married is definitely divorce worthy. I wouldn't want to kiss or fuck someone who had mouth rot

@zachhall3299

2 жыл бұрын

@@whatthefuckiswater2055 its not that deep im sure if it was a issue they would talk about it xD

@sorryimsosad

2 жыл бұрын

@@whatthefuckiswater2055 you sound like someone who would defend khalyla lol I love how all people w your opinion think sex isn’t too far of a step. If you’re gonna sleep w someone else just fuckin leave dude. Sex is awkward enough. Thrusting on eachother, making odd sounds, and being super vulnerable to get off. I barely like taking my shirt off if I’m not in front of my girl. It’s insane to me that if you love someone doing all of that is okay if they have bad teeth lol get out of here

@wolu9456

Жыл бұрын

@@Josh-ks4lx dude how do u know your girl will.not cheat on you? positive

When Christina goes "Okay Guys" with that mommy voice... "Don't you hate it when broads be like : "Oh I read a book..." 😂😂😂

@bdixmusic

4 жыл бұрын

like Marc Maron and "oh fellas..."

@singhatar0912

4 жыл бұрын

Hahaha seguras wife is hilarious

@silence9372

4 жыл бұрын

Jay †hə Pocket I was lookin for this comment

@dumpchangepants

3 жыл бұрын

Kristie C are you fat ? Or at the very least very fat ?? 🤷‍♂️

@JustSumRando

3 жыл бұрын

"Here's the deal, man"

"Oh it's Joey Diaz calling." What a cliffhanger...

@izzywebb1927

4 жыл бұрын

tbf what we all want to know.. Y U CALLIN' DIAZ?

@DEATH_TO_TYRANTS

4 жыл бұрын

Diaz is still alive?

@MattHawkesPurdy

4 жыл бұрын

Florida Man at this point it’s been tested and proven that Diaz is immortal

“Maybe with a little bit of hard work, you won’t drink 2 gallons of koolaid a day?”

@hardline5889

3 жыл бұрын

Bobby 😭😂🤣

@maclariviere3017

3 жыл бұрын

He drinks it without sugar, he’s okay 🤣

@jasondeliello2352

2 жыл бұрын

I just fucking spit chocolate milk everywhere when I accidentally read this comment 😂😭

@aadd11

2 жыл бұрын

@@maclariviere3017 does he really? Gross lol

@princeyayger7823

2 жыл бұрын

W Beth

6:05 When Segura asks "Is that the guy I saw stretching her out?" and Bert says "Yeah." his fucking face has me DYING

She's sending you a day early out of town? Set the same day she has an appointment with their trainer? Nah nah I'm sure it's fine

@andrewpeterson1698

3 жыл бұрын

Bruhhh

@robertfan332

3 жыл бұрын

Hahaha. Her phone was off for 4 hours in the middle of the day too. No it's fine bro it's fine.

@show_me_your_kitties

Жыл бұрын

😂😂😂

Bert said he was “chewing” that statement over, proving that he’s so fat that he eats his own thoughts.

@yomybutthurtzzz8051

4 жыл бұрын

Your raciest

@ryane6751

4 жыл бұрын

Bert is the racist

@georgeshibley9529

4 жыл бұрын

Lmfao

@AWAREDIAGRAM680

3 жыл бұрын

@@yomybutthurtzzz8051 More like Fatist amirite

@bobbythelostjuggalo3507

3 жыл бұрын

@@ryane6751 no hes not hes an avid "dog lover" hes not racist anymore

I love how Bert yells and talks so fast like he thinks you’re gonna run away from him before he can finish his sentence 😂

@show_me_your_kitties

Жыл бұрын

He knows

"He's a little darker than Latin." Tom Segura 2020

@jas9239

4 жыл бұрын

Primo Sinclair Bert said it

@itsprimoonthebeat4489

4 жыл бұрын

@@jas9239 6:16 is 100% the voice of Tom. Bert just says he's gorgeous.

Bert rated his wife a 6 on national television.

@kailasmith7414

4 жыл бұрын

Instant divorce

@dougferguson6876

4 жыл бұрын

She can appreciate the honesty or needs the negging.

@malcolmaustin1247

4 жыл бұрын

which is a little generous on his part. she's clearly a 4, but they live in LA which instantly lowers her score to a 2.5

@mikebell7525

4 жыл бұрын

@@malcolmaustin1247 ...that's more accurate. Also consider she doesn't put on make up and I've never got a good look of her back side. With a little make up and some sort of booty she could be a 5.5 , for me I love granny porn so she could possibly reach a 6.5....

@CursedInEternity92

4 жыл бұрын

Hes a comedian, are any of you acctually aware she lives with him and wont be suprised one day by some shit he says on here.

Countdown to Bert’s divorce announcement.

@anchorbubba

4 жыл бұрын

Its like the new years ball dropping

@uncleiroh4650

4 жыл бұрын

1

@jlrockafella

4 жыл бұрын

Every comic gets a divorce for a reason, they are mentally unstable to begin with so it's just a matter of time until someone has enough. That's why it's so weird that Tom isn't divorced yet🤨 Note: I forget that Tom also married a crazy person.

@milo8796

4 жыл бұрын

His wife is attractive and I would spend $250 dollars on a dinner with her

@Joemama-wz3je

4 жыл бұрын

Berts burner^

I like hearing the demons breaking out into laughter in the background.

Bert doesn’t seem to know what are on air and off air conversations sometimes lol

@alo4912

4 жыл бұрын

I think he forgot there was a microphone and cameras infront of him and he was just talking to his friends

@bradyuekert9067

4 жыл бұрын

Hahaha for sure

@filiporvik2782

3 жыл бұрын

Isn't that the point of this podcast?

@nothankyou9268

Жыл бұрын

That’s why we love him!

The beginning of the end Bert. Good luck.

@lordsmokingmirror

4 жыл бұрын

@TheyCallMe Doug personal trainer is just going to hit a couple times, who said anything about being a stepdad?

@silvereagle90000

4 жыл бұрын

@@lordsmokingmirror She doesn't know that

@singhatar0912

4 жыл бұрын

TheyCallMe Doug bruh his daughters are under eighteen chill

@anchluss6615

4 жыл бұрын

ITS OVA JACK- Joey Diaz

Oh that personal trainer is working her out alright. Lots of hip thrusts

@corbettdavis7058

3 жыл бұрын

I’m

@williambenedict4512

3 жыл бұрын

Oh god.

@SpaceAtomz

3 жыл бұрын

@Steven Colon Nah he's scared asf about it

@signisz

3 жыл бұрын

With the way she talks to him it wouldn't surprise me if it's already happening. You can't be fat, stupid and have rotting teeth while also still expecting your lady to stay with you. You may be able to scoot by on one of those things but not all three lol

@petertheoneandonly9752

3 жыл бұрын

@@signisz in the words of tommy: you like your life?

I love when Bert mentions him getting his teeth fixed Christina’s all happy and Tom goes “Nooooo”🤣

Bert: "I haven't been to the dentist in ten years **tells story about dentist visit** and that was 8 years ago" 😂

@chipsthedog1

4 жыл бұрын

Good catch

13:23 “why aren’t you in love with old fat yuckmouth” 😂😂

“Isn’t it the worst, when, like, broads are like, ‘I READ A BOOK!!!” -Tom Segura SAVAGE!!!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

@ArizonaAkinTv

2 жыл бұрын

Hahahahaha

@Belenus3080

2 жыл бұрын

Christine was legitimately perturbed by that one hahaha

kinda weird finding out Berts wife is cheating on him on a podcast

@marleneg7794

Жыл бұрын

She is not.

@oneinnamillion

Жыл бұрын

@@marleneg7794 shut up.

12:37 is so funny that Tom and Christina both agreed to motion intercourse with their hands. Some people are just made for each other.

@boojoe1989

3 жыл бұрын

Didn’t catch that until I saw this comment 😂🤣😂... ouch

I work with a woman who lost 30 lbs with diet and exercise and started wearing next to nothing at the office. When the bosses had a meeting with her on what was appropriate business attire, she claimed some women in the office were jealous of her and complained. She wasn't exactly wrong... but on the other hand, she started dressing like a stripper, so they had to say something.

@Turk_2023

4 жыл бұрын

I bet the dudes did not complain, it`s always the women

@timothyhall4794

4 жыл бұрын

@@Turk_2023 As I dude, I've definitely complained that my coworkers are dressed like sluts. It's awesome to look at and all but I gotta concentrate sometimes.

@jimsterbitch2478

4 жыл бұрын

@@timothyhall4794 fr because if you get with any of them they're just going to do it all over again even when their in a relationship

@lexiiisaurus316

4 жыл бұрын

This what I’ve always wanted to do if I lost weight. Just in general

@hamiljohn

2 жыл бұрын

Haters gotta hate

Not a professional comic so you won't let her on the stage? What's the excuse for Schaub?

@nosferdanku3093

4 жыл бұрын

I like

@coreymineard

4 жыл бұрын

This

@clitorismold1760

4 жыл бұрын

Alot

@mr.wilson7270

4 жыл бұрын

laughed to hard at this

@KZ_MMA_

3 жыл бұрын

YES

"they have spiritual conversations" 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@kingBenTheBadger

2 жыл бұрын

It’s over

@62.81

2 жыл бұрын

That means they def banging

The person losing their shit in the background is the best thing in this video.

Bert needs to stop airing out his dirty laundry on the internet 😂

@singhatar0912

4 жыл бұрын

^

@pts5217

4 жыл бұрын

It’s all he’s got. He is not a naturally funny person. When he tries write a joke, it’s painfully cliche and predictable, so he resorts to oversharing and being too personal to get reactions.

@alo4912

4 жыл бұрын

@@pts5217 damn yo

@finatticcomplexity4727

3 жыл бұрын

@Kristie C or its the truth. bert admitted he didnt come up with the machine story and he rode that for years. now his stick is being fat, and over talkative.

@shashankiyer5751

3 жыл бұрын

@@finatticcomplexity4727 Joe helped him polish it I think

Bert is literally living through a ‘would you rather’ question! Haha!! 😂

Tooth pain is the worst most frustrating pain ever. I have come so close to trying to rip out my teeth with pliers.

@chipsthedog1

4 жыл бұрын

Totally the only thing that matches it for me is earache nothing worse than laying in bed unable to sleep with either one of those.

@nathanfoster1853

2 жыл бұрын

Man, I knew a guy who got a buddy to pull out one of his teeth with pliers. Not kidding, the dude got the wrong tooth, and made it that mush worse! I felt so bad for the guy

@TheMikeMase

2 жыл бұрын

Keep featherin it brother

Bert Is seriously like a 9 year old kid thats allowed to consume alcohol

@nugs562

Жыл бұрын

Unfortunately this is true for to many ppl I always ask myself “aren’t you embarrassed for yourself “? PATHETIC Lol

@ToastedLobster

Жыл бұрын

@@nugs562 You sound miserable lol

@damnglo6531

Жыл бұрын

@@nugs562calm it down

It's so lovely the way Tom laughs at Bert's shit. There is true love there!

I really wanted to hear that Joey Diaz phone call at the end 😂

The quiet explosions of laughter in the background are my favorite

I watched Hey Big Boy and it wasn't as racist as I thought it would be!

@lilcrackaddict

4 жыл бұрын

Facts. He was just as fat as i was thinking though!

@heshamsh761

4 жыл бұрын

Yep it wasn't funny either (-_-) In fact it was kinda depressing a 50 year old trying to be a funny frat boy.

@bingbongwingwong

4 жыл бұрын

@@lilcrackaddict Wasn't as racist as I wanted it to be :(....

@elvis316

4 жыл бұрын

But you watched it? All of it? Netflix really wants me to watch this but haven't been shut in that long yet.

@keelansquire

4 жыл бұрын

@@heshamsh761 The last 30 minutes were a bit better but yeah the first half was actually painful to watch, I think he's trying too hard to be a comic. He just seems like a guy playing a comedian, rather than a naturally funny comedian; his schtick is too forced. Which is a shame because Secret Time was actually very good.

LeAnn sounds like she works at Denny's or maybe a Shoney's.

Hey Bert I’ll say a keep the black guy away prayer for you

@sublimelove23

4 жыл бұрын

I'm sure its too late

@bryanrose20

4 жыл бұрын

Bryan Rose same

@singhatar0912

4 жыл бұрын

Playlist Dealer 😂😂

"I read a book" gets me every time 2:52

The pure joy in Tom’s eyes and Bert’s dead expression in the thumbnail is great.

BBC going Balls Deep when Bert is on the road!! 😭😂

love the laughter from the back lol

Bert Kreischer has the blessing of an irishman because he said St.Paddy’s Day instead of Patty’s

@OfficialFingazMC

4 жыл бұрын

I hate when yanks do that!

@robertnuttall3272

4 жыл бұрын

100% agree

@jeezuschryst

4 жыл бұрын

They're pronounced the same in north america... How do you know which spelling he uses

@getsbuckets

4 жыл бұрын

Doesn't take much to get a blessing then does it. Someone should tell the English 😂

@TeddyBremmer

4 жыл бұрын

You mean leprechaun?

Oh, you read a book 😆

I’m having a similar problem with my teeth, and dude, it’s so refreshing to know I’m not the only one who thinks “maybe I’ll die before I have to fix the problem.”

hearing everyone dying in the background makes it a million times better lmfaooo

Segura's wife is silly wet thinking about Kreischer's wife.

@adamburdt8794

4 жыл бұрын

She is hydroplaning in her seat

@leathery420

4 жыл бұрын

lol the best part of this comment to me is you don't use either of their names.

@thelifeaquatica

4 жыл бұрын

Has she browned?

@anonimoosea.9423

4 жыл бұрын

@@adamburdt8794 holy shit ive never heard that one before that's amazing

@projectgraham414

4 жыл бұрын

@@adamburdt8794 dude I'm dying 🤣🤣🤣💀☠️💀☠️

"I read a book!" lol

"I'm in constant pain" Nadav cackles

I would've liked this more IF you let the Joey Diaz call air at the end.

14:53 "oh its Joey Diaz calling" I love it!🤣 .. Its like they all live in a comedy land where every body chills and they all do podcast, smoke weed & drink. Idk why, but its just funny!

I’m like Bert with dentists too, every time they try and sell you on shit you don’t need, so I started going to a dentist in a lower income area of town, WAY less expensive, WAY better work, and my teeth have never felt better. I can get a fucking route canal for like a cup of coffee and a jolly rancher. Try that shit in affluent neighborhoods, “it’s going to be 4,000 dollars for this hydrogenated alkalized water cleaning” it’s insane

Bert talking about his wife got me going

that "eww" at 1.17 slaps so hard XD

now i feel sorry for a millionaire with a way better life than me hahaha

Bert...im in constant pain Tom....oh just wait it out....lmfao

8:35 my man's in the back lost it at that one lol.

“A little darker than latin” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 HANDS DOWN ONE OF THE FUNNIEST PODCAST IN THE WORLD

Her head isn't all that trainer gettin Into!

Big fan Tom can’t wait to see what you got coming up 👍🏼

"I read a book" Dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Bert acts like a good comic

I purposely blast the episodes to hear nadav laugh lmao

@camh1809

3 жыл бұрын

Nadav is my favorite character in the saga

Christina looks like she’s about to blast some Bohemian Rhapsody in her AMC Pacer.

I just brushed my teeth, flossed and used mouthwash after listening to this, thank you

Bill Burrs routine about First ladies springs too mind.

@drake8168

2 жыл бұрын

🤣

Bert has kids who can listen to this let that sink in haha

Bert just doesn’t want his wife on stage because she corrects him when he tells his over exaggerated stories

@TimedRevolver

4 жыл бұрын

Most of his stories, like The Machine, have been confirmed by other people who were there.

Killin it!

2022 this is still a banger 🎉😂

Trainers in her head. He's more than that!

I feel what Bert's going through lol. It's like people who quit smoking and then talk down too smokers as if they never used too smoke.

@amusingkiwi1981

10 ай бұрын

Those people suck the worst! Telling ya how to stop smoking like you're not trying 😅

2:49 you know damn well Tom’s talking about the arm chair therapist sitting next to him

Lol. "Her black trainer has spiritual conversations with my wife. " That's a wrap, burt.

Oh bert as a fellow teeth grinder, I feel all of your pain. I'm only in my early 20s and it's already causing me issues and so much neck and head pain. I've tried everything and idk how to get it to stop

@ArizonaAkinTv

2 жыл бұрын

Omg right?? Let me ask y’all, cause Bert didn’t say, do y’all grind your teeth unconsciously throughout the day too? Not just when asleep? Man I grind mine so hard together it feels like I’m pushing everyone single one a little further outward when I notice it! But I won’t notice it for hours until I’ve worked myself into an entire like head / face-ache!!

@ResidentRaccoon

Жыл бұрын

Aren't there mouth guards you can put in before you go to sleep?

"I just read a book"

@patrickoconnor3893

3 жыл бұрын

😂🤣🤣🤣😂

“I’m in constant pain on the left side of my mouth”😂😂😂😂

2:48 "I read a book" lol

wish I could get my teeth fixed lol. You'll feel much better bert.

The beginning of the end... for sure.

@invisibot6602

4 жыл бұрын

Bert's a millionaire. He's good

@TimedRevolver

4 жыл бұрын

@@invisibot6602 He's also got problems with drugs and drinking. Having money doesn't mean you can't self destruct.

"I read a book" fcking Tom's hilarious

Wow is that Bert Kreischer? This is ground breaking stuff!!!...

Bert looks like he is swollen from eating foods he is allergic to all the time..

120 ounces of kool aid a day and his teeth hurt? Hmmmm well there can’t be any connection.

Totally recognized the trainer talk before they even mentioned it lmao

(Joey Diaz calls at the end) Challenger approaches!

His loyal inner circle of friends and family legitimately care about the clinical visits he can afford, including his hot wife?! Bert's doin' okay, guys.

Better start working on that Dalmatian wife, Bert. I sense a new hot stepdad in ila's and georgia's future. On the bright side, though, you can start hanging out with Ari openly again. Lol

Awesome dionic hat Bert!

Bert & Drake iconic duo

That big boy keeps it high n tight. Stay hydrated blood gang mommies. Suwoo!

Damn leeann loses 15 pounds and starts speaking strictly in inspirational quotes lmao

Im dead at 10.44 ...Lee ann is forsure in the studio

This made me go brush my teeth

I think he was talking about himself

Poor bert he is hitting straight air now

Man i need a friend like Tom or Bert..

7:49 oh boy, that's getting isolated...

Good thing this clip ended tight when Joey called. Smh

Between Bert and Christina, it's like watching an episode of Peppa Pig.

This is actually Bert at his more charming lol

Leann is going to outgrow Bert’s antics.