Do you identify as gray asexual or demisexual? If so, what’s it been like for you?

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

@@RaqiiCat That sounds like such a difficult situation to be in!

@Hooty1000

Жыл бұрын

I’m a gay demisexual

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

@@Hooty1000 Welcome!

I can relate to both definitions. It has been a very difficult and lonely path.

I had no idea until recently that I am on the asexual and demisexual spectrum. I can't stand hook up culture and being with men who have numerous sexual partners while dating me. I find it really gross this bed hopping mentality.

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

A lot of what is sometimes treated as conventional actually doesn't work for us folks. And that's Ok!

Well, this was interesting. I have been feeling very confused lately regarding the way I live my sexuality. I do have a partner and we are open but I always found it difficult to engage in sexual stuff with others. I need a minimal emotional connection, I don't enjoy express hook ups and I get very nervous with strangers. At the same time, my desire comes and goes. Sometimes I don't want to be with anyone else (even my partner), sometimes I feel very attracted to many people but I still feel a connection and sometimes I feel very horny but I don't feel the need to act on that. I don't know if graysexual or demisexual fit me 100% but I am certain to be somewhere in the spectrum. This has been very clarifying in many ways, thank you.

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

Very glad this resonated with you!

I identify as demisexual after a ling time of confusion with my attitude towards sex, and yeah, its exactly as you have described with the attitudes of strangers who show sexual interest towards a demisexual, pressuring etc, its very tiring and hard to deal with! a lot of awkward interactions when I see those people in the same nightclubs etc

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

Agreed!

Gray-asexuality for me is that I have no actual appeal to genitalia and don't experience a "thirst" for that sort of interaction. I do, however, have a fetish that may or may not experience a form of sexual attraction with AND I do have aesthetic attractions towards the same gender. This feels like it would be the "in specific circumstances" part of gray-ace. The label helps give the asexual expectation with the idea that it's not exactly asexual. Because there's this odd circumstance in which I experience sexual attraction, I do sometimes question if I am ace at all. However, constantly feeling alienated with 99% of sexual content/discussion seems to help remind me that I must be somewhere on there. I mean, it basically feels like being a gay guy surrounded by straight men; You can't relate to their desire/appeal.

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

Definitely feel you here. I think the key to your sense of identification with the gray-ace label is that you have some sexual attraction; that it exists within a range. The issue where it comes to allosexuals trying to wrap their heads around us is that we are basically an unpredictable unknown. This can make having relationships with them difficult, especially in today's age of app-based dating, where classification, objectification, and dismissal are immediate.

Thank you very much i finally understand it im coming out as a gray-ace once again thank you and God bless

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

I'm glad you found it helpful!

it is so me! Luckily found ur video! Thanks to God. I was wondering whether i am asexual or demi. Even google could not say there exists gray-a. even its definition is not clear. ur video says exactly that and out of 3 points, 4:27, I am exactly first 2.

I am demisexual and pansexual I dislike it very much it has been nothing but the most lonely and sad life and thank you for the video there is More to me and I find it very difficult to explain it to others and so when I have I have been dismissed

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

I'm sorry you've had such a rough time of it, Corey 😕

@coreypeterman3275

Жыл бұрын

@@EssyKnopf thank you sir and I am maybe not past it all or over it I'm not as sad suicide was attempted and luckily It didn't work It has been a handful of years since that part of my life is well in the past I've tried to give support to others and I'm able to give unconditional love without a second thought that's my gift and I try and spread it to those who need it whether or not I know them or not it breaks my heart to know what I have been through is going on with others who may not have anyone it's such a sad world when someone feels alone

I Understand what you mean, I don't know or really care where i fall in this spectrum but for me personally: -I do have physical attractions to men and can fantasize about them but never act on it -I'm a mentally strong and somewhat confidant guy but for some reason sex can be scary for me I need to feel safe first before i fuck a hot guy -No hookups for me I need commit and loyalty I haven't had sex in about a year -I got trust issues and am paranoid that any guy i find attractive might not want to commit or cheat if we were together -I definitely need an emotional connect first

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

Hm super interesting. Would you say you identify as more demisexual?

@AlexRamirez-mk3nb

2 жыл бұрын

@@EssyKnopf Probably yes

What a great video, thank you for sharing your story! I'm also a Gay Gray Ace Demi and fitting in/feeling validated is a true struggle for sure!

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

Glad you relate to this James!

I very much relate to what is being discussed in this video. It was infact this overt hypersexuality--masquerading as sex positivity--in the gay community, which made me unable to admit to myself that I was also just gay. I really struggle with dating because of how sexualised it is. I do not speak this language, and never will. I dont know if the culture will ever change, probably not, till then we believe that one day we will find love. Thank you for your video!

@EssyKnopf

5 ай бұрын

Yes and yes! I agree, the culture is mainstreamed, but there's always going to be people like us who carve own path.

This really speaks to my experience as a late bloomer with respect to realizing being gay and later on gray. Being gray and inexperienced, and older has made me feel alienated from both the LGBTQ+ and the asexual communities for different reasons.

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

It's hard straddling both worlds, right?

@adamcohen7642

Жыл бұрын

@@EssyKnopf Very. Not that either in isolation would be easy.

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

@@adamcohen7642 Well know you've got at least one person on your side!

Really appreciate your breakdown of these new (to me) concepts as well as your personal application to them. Great video (as usual)!

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

Thanks Eva! ❤️

Thank you for this video! I've been driving myself trying to find someone who explains their experiences, rather than just the definition of grey-ace.

@EssyKnopf

2 жыл бұрын

Glad you found this helpful!

I don't need to have an emotional connection to feel sexual attraction, but I do need it to act on it. Feeling safe and having an intelectual connection are more important to me than having sex

@EssyKnopf

5 ай бұрын

That makes sense!

It is very difficult. Everything you said is true. Gay culture is sex obsessed whereas I love sex but after getting to know someone and having a connection with them. Especially in our quick paced culture, gays are not willing to wait for me to be comfortable and trust them. Thank you for your video.❤

@EssyKnopf

5 ай бұрын

It's such a shame that people like us are outliers...or at least, treated as such. It's totally okay to take things at your own pace!

I identify as homo-romantic demisexual but your gray sexual has some ring to it too. I have to have a strong emotional romantic bond (unless I'm manic but manic as in bipolar manic which is not my default state normal state or healthy state, but still require some bond) to have sexual attraction and desire for someone. But even when I do sex is usually not that motivating unless I'm extremely horny, I will have sex if a partner (boyfriend) initiates, but I'm not usually one to be perticualy active in imitating it, and am just as perfectly happy if tye sex never moves past making out grinding and nude cuddling. To tye point the majority of the time it's those parts of sex I find most fulfilling and don't really care about me getting off. I don't quite get how sex is the be all end all of physical adult relationship. But I know partners fine getting off to be driving need a good chunk of the time.

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

Interesting. Thanks for sharing!

I as a gay man appreciate male analogy a lot, and find c*cks and men having sex arousing. But here’s the kicker: I feel really uncomfortable if someone I don’t know what’s to have sex with me, even if I find them physically attractive. I usually only feel romantically attracted to someone after getting known them as a friend for a while. It is very different from the physical attraction I feel towards a man. I feel like only when bonding with someone long enough would spark my desire to have sex with them (even though I still can arouse when seeing hot naked guys, it’s just not the same feelings). Discovering this term demisexual definitely makes me relates to it a lot than any other terms

@EssyKnopf

Жыл бұрын

Yes! I'm glad the term resonates with you!

@alanaban1840

2 ай бұрын

Sex is a perversion when it is same sex / sex is man and woman /men do not have biological organ to have sex with men / it is as mis use of an organ /. The anis is an exit for shit not an entrance /