Kids, if you see a Trump or Confederate Flag, or Let’s Go Brandon (or any combination of all three), then walk past the house.

@Lonewolfmike

8 ай бұрын

👍👍👍👍👍👋👋👋👋👋👋👋

@JoeNarbaiz

8 ай бұрын

@@jackalterman Ever hear of the concept of free speech?

@nocheckmarkgames

8 ай бұрын

Heck No, them mfers gave me a Full Sized Butterfinger and a Box of Shotgun Shells!

@gogreen7794

8 ай бұрын

​@@JoeNarbaizYou have the freedom to fly a flag, but others have the freedom to walk on by.

@toraneko_maru

8 ай бұрын

Don't forget to throw the TP at the house, or knockoff TP.

My mother was going from Michigan to CA, to see my sister for the first time since my sister came out as a lesbian. Her Pastor had told her to confront sister as a sinner. I called my Pastor and he agreed to meet with her. Basically he told her to love her daughter and leave the rest up to God. Mom was so relieved. Oh, just noticed more than 1,000 posts -- no one will ever see this. Oh well. Mom had a wonderful visit.

@Broadwaybuff-pi1qg

8 ай бұрын

Your mom needs a new pastor like yours. Glad she had a wonderful visit.

@AskMia411

8 ай бұрын

Glad I happened on your comment ❤ thank you for stepping in and encouraging love. It’s what Jesus would do ❤

@lesliewolfe7643

8 ай бұрын

I see it, and I'm so glad people like you, your mom, and your pastor exist in this world ❤️

@winonamimms4318

8 ай бұрын

I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t help who you love, and let God be the judge.

@BHAKTIBROPHY

8 ай бұрын

In reply to your statement that there are over a thousand comments, and no one will see this: I see it. I hear you. And I thank you. It is disgraceful that the church (not all) teach their parishioners to think of their kids, their children, as sinners because they're gay. If we are ALL made in God's image, then...well, if the Catholic Church put the Gospel of St Thomas BACK in the Canon after there was no more threat of violence towards Jesus's devotees, then everyone would know that Jesus not only taught, but put Thomas in His state of Union, of Oneness. Jesus taught that we are all made in God's image that we are all the "son" of God. We are THAT which we are searching for on the outside. "God" is right within our own Hearts. I have studied *this* since I was 10 years old. Then Eastern Philosophies and comparative religions since my late teens, for 35 years. I have atheist friends who walk the walk of what Jesus taught: love one another. And yet ministers are still teaching and preaching sin, like it's nothing. Ostensibly telling you to choose between the church and your child is ... If I were to use that word the way your mother's minister used it, *that* would be the sin right there: not loving your child. I want to keep this short, but your sister is not a sinner. If your mom chooses to love your sister rather than let her go because a church told her she's a sinner, than your mom has made the choice-- the ONLY choice, that Jesus would have made. We're made in God's image? What is God? Pure Consciousness energy... LOVE. We are That. Obviously, some can see it within themselves and some cannot. But that love exists within the Hearts of all. (I have been through so many trials in my life; I speak from experience. Many people ask me how I can still have such faith in people and not be bitter: I'm bedridden yet I see it everywhere-- there are good people. There are a LOT of people who do heinous crimes against humanity, that's for sure. But there still exists wonder and goodness. And your mother choosing your sister over a person who would teach her to call her daughter a sinner? That right there, is goodness. It's Love. Unconditional love. ) I am so grateful that you introduced your mom to your pastor. That was so kind. So good. And the right thing to do. By the way, I'm gay. When I was eight years old, I had that epiphany with Jesus and knew he could never hate me for being me. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope your mom is not wracked with guilt. I *never* as a rule share scripture, but your mom might let go of any guilt by reading Philippians 4: 6-9. (I only remember that because someone sent that to me after I was hit by a car. ) Be anxious for nothing... Peace to all.

My 88-year-old father absolutely adores you and looks forward to every single one of your monologues

@MK-su6eg

8 ай бұрын

God bless him ,and you! Long lives with LAUGHTER and smiles! Aloha from Hawaii! my moms 92 ! always smiling! Peace

@SuzanneG1961

8 ай бұрын

My 62 year old daughter of my mother as well.

@kaiberberich1

8 ай бұрын

@@SuzanneG1961 wait ... your daughter of your mother... 🤔... That's a real thinker...

@julie9577

8 ай бұрын

Aaaawwww.... & I love your 88 y.o dad! I love hearing about this kind of stuff!thanks for sharing 🥰

Mike Johnson went from "who?" to "boo!" in less than a week. That must be some sort of record.

Who needs cable when you Colbert’s Monologue is uploaded so quickly. Thanks, social media team.

@alannamorris977

8 ай бұрын

Shhhhhhh

@bonniespruin6369

8 ай бұрын

@@alannamorris977 🤣🤣

@imnotmike

8 ай бұрын

I think Colbert is on network television, not cable.

In case people need reminding conversion therapy has been discredited by science and is considered literal torture.

@MyMarsham

8 ай бұрын

And fundamentalist Christians retort; “Yeah, and so what?”

@jimbob3030

8 ай бұрын

Yes but they don't believe in science, that's just a fairy tale to them.

@JohnKerr-bq3vo

8 ай бұрын

didnt the brits kill alan turing with drugs to 'cure' hius homsexuality.... wonder what the greeks used all those centuries ago?...america in serious decline and going backwards.. ooops.. sorry,' backwards' is a sin....🤣

@cbeaucrawford

8 ай бұрын

Ironically religious deprogramming IS a legitimate psychology field of practice and has good results bringing cult fanatics back to reality.

@tormuse2916

8 ай бұрын

And more of the kids who undergo conversion therapy come out dead from suicide than "converted." That's not an exaggeration. It kills a majority of the people who go through it.

My granddaughters love books. And the Halloween party was beautiful. Thank you President Biden and First Lady Jill❤

The good news about Mike Johnson is that he's saying the quiet part out loud. Thanks Mike for exposing the incompetence of the House GOP.

@akinpaws

8 ай бұрын

*malice

@GeorgeMinton-jb8ky

8 ай бұрын

Watch what they do and not what they say. GOP is a no go for me. Seniors for Joe or any other democrat that wants to run for office and not switch parties. What is with Houston mayor? Kari Lake just got her teeth handed to her in court. Come on Arizona. Run Senator Prissy Pants out of office. Turncoat.

@MrKained123

8 ай бұрын

It was exposed wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy before john mikeson.

@Loveoldies50

8 ай бұрын

Incompetence? Yes, but much worse. Their agenda is to take away our rights and turn America into a Christian dictatorship! We had one of those! It lead to things like the Inquisition, burning, drowning, torture, etc. , of people they judged as not being Christian enough, like THEM, whoever THEY were! And Jesus wept! In the Middle East, we see what a Muslim dictatorship looks like. Same thing! One person, or group, torturing others because God told them to. NO, THANK YOU! My faith is between God and me, not some "holier than thou" politician forcing me to follow their rules as THEY interpret God's will! Separation of faith from state is imperative to our freedoms. May God continue to bless America, and get these nuts out of our government! m.kzread.info/dash/bejne/mGeKqq1qfruvcto.html

@jamesjackovich5886

8 ай бұрын

His state comes in 2nd place for poverty and food stamps and 4th for most uneducated so let's hold hands and pray he doesn't turn our country into Louzerania

The following is just a little bit of trivia around the words "trump" and "trumpery" : In British slang, "trump" is a word used to describe the act of passing gas or breaking wind, it also stands for a fart of the more boisterous kind. In Norwegian slang, trump or trumpa translates as “a smelly substance picked up in the street that one cannot easily scrape off the bottom of a shoe.” Vietnamese: In this Southeast Asian language, trumpyen denotes “rust caused by oxidation and moisture” or “rust that forms on a democracy when it is not used enough or is neglected.” Russian: The playful word trumpovski means “puppet” or “pawn” in Russian. German: The Germans use the president’s original surname, drumpf, when referring to racism or someone who is racist. Italian: The simple form, trumpano, means “windbag, blowhard, or blabbermouth.” Definition of trumpery: -attractive articles of little value or use -practices or beliefs that are superficially or visually appealing but have little real value or worth -showy but worthless -delusive or shallow -nonsense, rubbish, deception, trickery, fraud Trumpery derives from the Middle English trompery and ultimately from the Middle French tromper, meaning "to deceive."

@deborahbarnes6741

8 ай бұрын

Thanks for the info.

@Susweca5569

8 ай бұрын

Sounds about right.

@mareezyg6058

8 ай бұрын

So the one perfect thing about Trump is his name!😅

@TheMrchuck2000

8 ай бұрын

Colbert should find a gentle way to discourage the booing. Yes, the “boo-ees” are mostly assholes, but it’s juvenile and gratuitously divisive. The fact that it’s become automatic shows how stale it is.

@alex35agm

8 ай бұрын

So in short, Trump is not good in any language.

The most terrifying thing tonight isn't the ghouls on the street, it's the ones in Congress who somehow still live on in a living death state. I guess zombies do exist.

@forgenorman3025

8 ай бұрын

Have you seen Chuck Grassley? The man's a lich and you won't convince me otherwise!

@Slo-ryde

8 ай бұрын

They are more dangerous than the infamous Michael myers…. Even Without the knife!

@barbaraperry5023

8 ай бұрын

Animated cadavers guided by carefully chosen puppetmasters are a perennial year-round favorite on Capitol Hill... Isn't it WONDERFUL that our national legislative body is composed largely of...bodies? Must be difficult to tell when one has actually expired - "So they didn't bang the gavel, big deal...Oh, they always smell like that!" 😮 they didn't bang the gavel

@leoniemillerl4487

8 ай бұрын

Someone needs to tell the grim reeper the address so he can pay a visit.

I LOVE that Jill handed out books

That Mitch McConnell bit had me crying 😂

@jenniferward2012

8 ай бұрын

Aaawwww! Too soon but funny as hell 😅😅😅😮

@lgator08

8 ай бұрын

Because it’s Mitch!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

@Jaq365

8 ай бұрын

That hard shove from the broom handle! I'll bet that left a bruise. 😂

we were forced to move due to covid sales of rental housing, had a pile of National Geographic hardcovers , handed them out with instructions to read them while eating candy.... Big love from both the kids who often asked for 2. and the parents who were rather shocked!!! win -win!!

@timothyburnett2770

8 ай бұрын

Yea I would go straight to the back of the national geographic magazine it always had nude African women

@morebirdsandroses

8 ай бұрын

I woulda' been thrilled to get a book!😁

@daedalusjones4228

8 ай бұрын

FANTASTIC!

@lifewuzonceezr

8 ай бұрын

Did you provide the Candy?..other than for the mind...you gave them Education!

@NuiYabuko

8 ай бұрын

So Halloween is a holiday to get rid of garbage?

My daughter has always been painfully shy. When it came to Trick or Treat she couldn't say it strangers. She'd just stand there. So I'd come up behind her and say "Trick or Treat". I know, but she's my baby. You gotta protect your shy ones.

@Fanney47

8 ай бұрын

That's so sweet. Yeah, some kids wanna participate but might be too shy or be on the spectrum or something. ❤❤❤ Everyone should be able to take part & not feel bad they can't do it "exactly right".

@e.turduckeny630

8 ай бұрын

You're a good parent! I was that kid and used to hide behind a group whenever we got to a door. I'd literally dash from house to house finding gaggles of other children to jump in with. If I had to do a house alone it was terrifying. Grew out of it to an extent, but still an adult introvert. But as an adult I find it has it's advantageous. We're all a bit different and that's ok!

@imnotmike

8 ай бұрын

I have no problem with that - as long as somebody in the group says trick or treat. If nobody in your group is capable of saying trick or treat, you shouldn't be out knocking on stranger's doors.

@Broadwaybuff-pi1qg

8 ай бұрын

As a shy kid myself, I would have appreciated what you did. Sure it made it more enjoyable for her!

@lorettanericcio-bohlman567

8 ай бұрын

@@imnotmike🙄

Every year, I have "treats" for the parents as well. This year, it was hand warmers. They went over really well.

@ebethlouise2201

8 ай бұрын

Awesome

@LeftCoastStephen

8 ай бұрын

In our neighbourhood, a mug hot buttered rum or mulled wine is the usual “hand warmer”

@ianmiller6040

8 ай бұрын

@@LeftCoastStephen That sounds wonderful!

@AndrewJohnson-oy8oj

8 ай бұрын

@LeftCoastStephen That is wonderful. Friends of mine used to set up a "pirates grotto" in his garage and every adult got a mug of hot grog.

@canadianperspective3731

8 ай бұрын

Brilliant! I will do this next year. Stay safe and well neighbour.

Voting for republicans is like putting Ted Bundy in charge of women’s rights organization.

@Hippiechick11

8 ай бұрын

We would have been better off with Bundy.

@TurbidTG1

8 ай бұрын

Or putting Bull Connor in charge of civil rights.

@MrPhotodoc

8 ай бұрын

Voting Republican is like putting a screen door in a submarine.

@SC-kh8lg

8 ай бұрын

Demonizing the other side is what is tearing your country apart

@charlesstebbins7207

8 ай бұрын

Voting Republican is like leaving your children with a rabid dog.

_You_ get raisins! And _you_ get raisins! Everybody gets raisins!

@embroiledalive5232

8 ай бұрын

Prunes would be better/worse

@jaggerkate

8 ай бұрын

I have a completely irrational fear of raisins. And people love torturing me with them.

@michaelhake2291

8 ай бұрын

🤮

@susanfanning9480

8 ай бұрын

In the 60's., when trick or treating at the dentist house, we would get an apple or a nickle or a new pencil.😄

@shawncarroll5255

8 ай бұрын

Craissens, please.

Our first experience with Halloween stateside was when we got our first 'permanent' home. (not base housing or military off base rental) There were a lot of 'DPs' (displaced persons post WWII from Eastern Europe) in our new neighborhood who had only a very vague understanding of the U.S. tradition. We kids wore our kimonos (from our last billet)and translucent oriental masks that were all the rage that year. Things were going true to form until we got to the house of a new resident. The babushka demanded we 'do the trick first' to get our treats. After a quick huddle on her sidewalk, we sang 'twinkle twinkle' in Japanese, and got our chocolates. Strange but very heartwarming connections established.

@gustavofigueiredo1798

7 ай бұрын

Hahaha!

@thebagelsproductions

7 ай бұрын

The Halloween tradition of dressing up and going to neighbours and getting candy, came to America from Scotland. We call it guising- being in disguise. To get the candy you had to sing or tell jokes to get the candy. Doing a "trick" to get the treat. We now call it trick or treat, but trick still means doing a turn singing or telling jokes. No pranks involved - that's not what trick means - and we invented it. Celtic tradition that predates Christianity I believe. The early Christian Church had a habit of timing Christian celebrations. Easter roughly matches the spring festival (bunnies and eggs are all about fertility and spring is the time most animals breed) Xmas roughly matches the winter equinox etc etc. Anyway the trick is doing a party trick originally

@thebagelsproductions

7 ай бұрын

Was the Babushka lady possibly Scottish 😊

@thebagelsproductions

7 ай бұрын

* timing festivals to match pre existing pagan festivals * a great example of this is a saint's day in Peru where the Saint is an Inca mummy (mummified remains) this pre existed European contact so the Catholic Church gave it sainthood. I'm a Catholic myself, I haven't got a problem with the church co opting celebrations into the Christian calendar. The shooting star in the nativity can be backtracked to around 3 years prior to 1AD in September ( as we can predict other celestial events eg Halleys commet) most of the early surviving texts about Jesus are roughly 20 to 50 years after his death. The exactitude of dates is unlikely. The 1st non Christian texts that mention Jesus are around AD60 - a Jewish historian called Josephus & roman historian Tacitus. As Christianity spread, the festivals matched pre existing celebrations. All saints day & souls day are around the autumnal equinox. The Halloween tradition of dressing up is a Celtic tradition. Pretty cool that a version still exists around the world

I love how Stephan is legitimately venting about kids not saying “ToT”. I’m with you on that.

@zacharycollins9485

8 ай бұрын

DUDE! What's so hard about saying "Trick or Treat"? Sheeeeesh

@artor9175

8 ай бұрын

Smokey, this is not 'Nam, this is Halloween! There are rules!

@mwater_moon2865

8 ай бұрын

@@zacharycollins9485 yeah that doesn't work for kids who can't speak. Actual thing, google yellow pumpkin awareness about a kid who doesn't have the muscle control to speak and the very first house completely destroyed his night.

@flyrobin2544

8 ай бұрын

Not all kids can and it's ok.

@amberandrews6842

8 ай бұрын

Depends mostly on the age, and speech issues. Some of them can't string a sentence together yet, let alone make trick or treat come out legibly. 😊

I would have loved to get a book for Halloween.

@TSLamb

8 ай бұрын

We have a friend who does trick or read and gives out books

@morebirdsandroses

8 ай бұрын

Well, I love you both! I would have loved a book treat❤

@JohnYoung-js1bl

8 ай бұрын

Yeah, now.

@deborahbarnes6741

8 ай бұрын

@JohnYoung-js1bl even as a kid I would have loved getting a book.

@suzettehenderson9278

8 ай бұрын

Especially "banned" books.

I have to say… Swedish Clams could actually be a spin-off product! Make it happen, Swedish Fish!

True Story: Very few kids at the elementary school I teach at dressed as Barbie for Halloween; however, a disturbing amount of teachers were dressed as Barbie. If this trend holds true nation wide, I predict Barbie will be the least popular Christmas gift for kids but most popular clothing and accessories for adults.

@CrazyPlantLady911

8 ай бұрын

My brother took his 3 girls (11, 8 & 7 yrs old) and they all hated the movie. Too pink and boring was the comments I heard. I don't know any other little kids that went to see it, but I think it's mainly adult women who where raving about it. LOL

@josmith2136

8 ай бұрын

We had around 80 Trick or Treaters, and not a single Barbie. The teachers at my daughter’s school all dressed up as various Barbies and Kens.

@NickDBaker

8 ай бұрын

Barbie wasn’t a kids movie, so it makes sense that they weren’t into it. It was an intellectual film

My mother and I would go on the avenue and give our candies away to the trick or treaters. Mom had so much fun. After she died (at te age of 95) I kept the tradition up with my landlady. I know Mom is giving out treats up in heaven!

@sustainfem

8 ай бұрын

Aw, how sweet!

5:18 That Mitch bit was hilarious 😂😂😂

Give them a keepsake, a book, AND a candy bar. The candy is the cheapest part by far. The kids will appreciate the first two later, but give them something. They just spent hours being told "this will be worth it for special candy"

@sheilaboston7051

8 ай бұрын

At the rate books are getting banned, I think it was a great idea.

You are killing it! Your writers are amazing!

That affordable leech act made me cackle 😂

@ninjabluefyre3815

8 ай бұрын

Don't give Mike Johnson ideas.

@jasonrollins8217

8 ай бұрын

The use of leeches and maggots is actually still used today in certain cases. Such as a blood clot for some who are allergic to the chemicals of blood thinner meds.

@stephenp.6395

8 ай бұрын

@@jasonrollins8217 The application of leeches is called the Don Jr. treatment.

@johntucker6252

8 ай бұрын

​@jasonrollins8217 and maggots eat the dead flesh around wounds, leaving the living flesh alone. But still, the idea of them is a no go for me.

Matt Gaetz went in drag as “Bang-a-Boebert;” and Marjotie Greene went as a “Frantic Tantric doll.

" I thought this was okay before we became famous." LOL The Best Outside Laugh. Thank you.

Speaker Johnson's wife gets to wear her costume all year long?!

Johnson is a prime example of what's wrong in the USA.

@RBCjr1

8 ай бұрын

As is the entire party

@howamilooking5952

8 ай бұрын

Him and RIcky Gervais need to talk about God while Stephen moderates.

@The_Christ_Angel

8 ай бұрын

But the Bible says that in the end of days, Jesus Christ the Racist Poltergeist confessed up in the Courts of the Higher HEAVENS that he is a racist and doesn’t like black people or Asian people. He also doesn’t like gay people. Then all the GODS and GODDESSES of the the Higher HEAVENS banned Jesus from earth for eternity. The GOD realm UFOs in the night time sky are preventing his return.

@spacekitt.n

8 ай бұрын

yep. its called republicans

@australiaplus9629

8 ай бұрын

*Beware the Wolf in Sheep's Clothing.*

My mom always gave out full-size candy bars. It seemed kind of show-offey to me. I liked the bite size snacks. She always hand-made our Halloween costumes too. I liked that part. She was an excellent seamstress. 🎃 ❤

@imnotmike

8 ай бұрын

I always give out full size or bigger candy bars. I don't care if it's show offy. It's about the kids, not about me. I could care less what people think of me. As a kid, I would love it when we got full size candy.

@Nevertoleave

8 ай бұрын

We did more before we had kids. Bag of chips, full sized bars, can of pop. Last couple of years have been hectic though. We moved last year so I don’t want to buy too much candy if we don’t get a lot of kids. But we got 31 this year so I think next year we’ll add pop or full sized candy bars back into the rotation. We did chips this year. I like buying a little box of fun sized for us to snack on to keep my husband and I out of the full sized and in case we ran out or the normal stuff

@margo3367

8 ай бұрын

@@imnotmike I’ll say this. The kids always seemed to be thrilled when they got a full sized candy bar from us.

Man, that McConnell impersonation was spot on.

"Almond Grief" did me in, I'll be laughing about that for the rest of the day.

“It’s phony.” Perfect throwaway line.

@KealohaHarrison

8 ай бұрын

I’m glad someone else caught that lol

@shotjohnny

8 ай бұрын

"I could puke every time I hear it." 😊

@lesleyjohnson8488

8 ай бұрын

It killed me. It really did 😂

@helios7212

8 ай бұрын

👏👏🤣💯 that was 🎯📖

@briangruenewald7536

8 ай бұрын

3:24 You’re welcome

Surly Rancher! Slawburst! Rancidettes! Inadequate and Rationed!

The problem for Johnson's wife is people will still find stuff about the website. Just because they took it down doesn't mean it is god forever. Remember kids once on the internet it is forever on the internet.

Thank you Stephen. I live by the same rule and I think the kids in our neighborhood are starting to remember me. Tonight I only had to encourage a few of them. I loved Halloween as a small kid and still do as a much larger and older kid I figure if I’m going to take the time to carve Jack o Lanterns, dress up, decorate the house and spend $$$$ on candy the least they can do is learn to say”trick or treat “. It’s honoring the tradition! Not to mention we are so very lucky to live in a small rural area where families feel safe giving their children the kind of experience I had back in the 60’s. It’s truly a community family event here. Saw some pretty great costumes this year too. Store bought and homemade.

Happy Halloween, everyone! 👻

@ajt51773

8 ай бұрын

Happy Halloween🎃👻🦇

When I was a young parent and, well, dumb. I gave out little boxes of Band-Aids with ghost & goblins on them. The very first trick or treater was my adorable 4-year-old neighbor. He looked up at his mom with the saddest eyes I've ever seen and said in utter disappointment, "She gave me Band-Aids, mom". I don't think I've even felt so bad or will be forgiven but every Halloween since then it's been nothing but full size candy bars for them.

@chonqmonk

8 ай бұрын

Really? Seriously? Wtf possessed you to give out band-aids? Was it because you heard I was giving out hand-grenades, fentanyl and switchblade knives? (Had a line around the clock...)

@aliceklundt

8 ай бұрын

Kids love bandaids, mine would have loved them. Teachers keep a supply for paper cuts and other life threatening emergencies.

Two musketeers and their neighbor Phil... I laughed more than I probably should have for that one

When I was growing up my mom made all our costumes from scratch and we were always encouraged to pick costumes that would be warm, like a wolf costume. Even so, there was one year so cold, my mom drove the mini van door-to-door with the van door open and us sitting in the doorway so we could hit more houses before we got too cold.

@TR4zest

8 ай бұрын

Hit more houses? That is absurd.

@tinalessia

8 ай бұрын

I wish I'd grown up with you!

@hendihorlings2341

8 ай бұрын

Your mom sounds awesome!

@bonniespruin6369

8 ай бұрын

@@TR4zest It's an expression.

@bonniespruin6369

8 ай бұрын

Bravo to your mom!

The “Phony” line was a nice Catcher and the Rye reference 😂

I had trick or treaters for the first time in years. 🎃 Gave out fistfuls of random candies from local shops. 🍬

Thanks to Colbert and the Late Show for bringing laughter to the world, in these dark days for me and my community. Being able to laugh, between tears of sorrow, helps me through the trauma and fear we are going through now in Israel.

@roger_melly5025

8 ай бұрын

Palestinians know exactly how you feel

@kathybyerly7904

8 ай бұрын

Same it's all Trumpies here in small town.

@IsyMaxine

8 ай бұрын

❤️ I have family and a lot of friends there whom I've been worrying about as well. You're all on my thoughts. Please stay safe!

@lightblue254

8 ай бұрын

Strength to you, for you have our support❤

@emyf9197

8 ай бұрын

YOU going through fear in ISRAEL?? OMG the lack of self awareness n irony.. It's like Hitler feeling sorry for himself

I’d love to get books for Halloween. Just cause you don’t like reading doesn’t mean kids don’t.

@maryangellwalsh

8 ай бұрын

Who are you speaking to? Not Stephen I hope. He is so exceptionally informed and educated, and has memorized more books than most people ever read. He’s just old fashioned and wants Halloween to be just candy, sweets and fun for the kids, and the homeowners.

@karenjohannessen8987

8 ай бұрын

@@maryangellwalsh How do you think Stephen _got_ so "exceptionally informed"??

@Ivehadenuff

8 ай бұрын

It was a joke. That’s what comedians do. Make jokes.

@janetownley

8 ай бұрын

And you figure they have no way to access books, so they will excitedly say, “Gee, mister! A real book!” and then immediately read it, whether it interests them or not

Not one barbie in my neighborhood. Lots of devil, princess, 4 shark sightings, a couple of butterflies. Parents said they did not know what type butterflies as the kids did the wing decorations.

@haydeecolon7868

8 ай бұрын

None in my neighborhood, too. But I saw mothers and daughters as Wednesday and Morticia.

I was on house duty this Halloween. I have never been on house duty nor been giving out full sized bars. The reaction from kids was amazing. At one point said take three, or take as much as you'd like. We have way too much candy.

@JusticeAlways

8 ай бұрын

How "sweet" of you 😜

@wobblintop8094

8 ай бұрын

I gave out little packets of ketchup, ah the look on their little costumed faces, priceless.

@lifewuzonceezr

8 ай бұрын

​@@wobblintop8094mmm condiments

@NuiYabuko

8 ай бұрын

​@@wobblintop8094 Okay? Should I be concerned?

@AnInsideJoke

8 ай бұрын

I too gave out full-size, name brand bars (including the Snickers Colbert mentioned). We are officially more powerful than the President.

It may be the top costume, but I literally wore the gingham sundress from the movie, and none of the dorks I hung out with knew that I was Barbie. My husband was even dressed like Ken for crying out loud. I'm totally judging my friends right now.

@timefortinybirdandfriends6565

8 ай бұрын

🤣🤣🤣🤣

@sfpincchicago

8 ай бұрын

Time to get new (cooler!) friends, Barbie!

@kristinstocking3548

8 ай бұрын

@@sfpincchicago I concur!

@kristinstocking3548

8 ай бұрын

They thought we were Sandy and Danny. From Greece BTW.. Not that I don't absolutely love that costume. But, Jesus, we were in pink!!

@gshipify

8 ай бұрын

@@kristinstocking3548 from Grease

Appreciate the black suit and tie for halloween 🧛🏻‍♂️ 🎃

Well done on the chocolate bar names.

So just gonna admit it. Tonight for the first time I left a large bowl of chocolate outside so they could help themselves. Seriously, I thought some kid would empty the bowl in their sack. I was so surprised, THEY Didn’t. What living in a white collar neighborhood I’ve got a bunch of polite kids? Really…. I really was trying to get rid of all of it cause I’ve been eating the stuff for days.

@PeloquinDavid

8 ай бұрын

Same thing happened to US, last night!

@janetownley

8 ай бұрын

Yes, statistically that’s where 93% of all Halloween candy goes, into the mouths of homeowner adults

@janetownley

8 ай бұрын

Why is that something you have to “admit”? And anyway, you could have used a more common internet verbal trope, “I’m not gonna lie”, about something that, why would you lie about that??

"And if you say 'Please', I will shut the door." I don't know who wrote this, I don't care. The only thing that matters is this entire monologue is perfection.

Samhain! Get your freak on!

So.....my hero. I have silently stewed about kids not saying "trick or treat" for at least 10 years. I kept it to myself because of the vehement pushback I anticipated if I said anything. Thank you, Stephen. The Halloween brief is not long and the script and protocol are simple. And besides, it's part of what makes Halloween fun. A similar thing is happening in coffee shops: I step up to the counter and am greeted with a stare. "May I help you?" is going the way of "Trick or treat?"

@chonqmonk

8 ай бұрын

On maybe the opposite side of that coin, I f'n refuse to say tall for small (or medium or whatever it is ffs), and vente for large, and had a couple of baristas pretend they don't know what "small, medium, and large" mean, and (heheheahahahehehe...) I cured them of that...

@xelamercedes

8 ай бұрын

@@chonqmonk I hear you. We are very close in time to baristas who actually do not know what small medium and large mean. Subtle and not so subtle changes in the culture are erasing concepts and language. My grandkids sincerely did not know what an "answering machine" was until I explained it. They were also blank on what an "ice tray" is....

@Broadwaybuff-pi1qg

8 ай бұрын

Absolutely. My coffee shop pet peeve. I turn it into a staring contest, waiting for the person to say "Can I help you." Or I will say "do you work here?"

@xelamercedes

8 ай бұрын

@@Broadwaybuff-pi1qg Most of the time I ask "Do you work here?" to which the response is almost always a lot of offended attitude, apparently clueless as to why I would ask such a question....

Ok I just had the 3 cutest middle school boys that told me that my neighbor was giving out potatoes. I laughed so hard.

@davidlundquist1979

8 ай бұрын

Of course, in Russia, treat... is potato.

@kimberleyphillips6671

8 ай бұрын

@@davidlundquist1979 Exactly (but super funny) And in Russia car drives u.

@reesetorwad8346

8 ай бұрын

lol, that's from an episode of "Archer"

@kimberleyphillips6671

8 ай бұрын

@@reesetorwad8346 really? Too funny.

Donnie is practically begging for incarceration... Make a wish come true!

@victorarredondo304

8 ай бұрын

What would you say if he wins the next election??

@dixie0625

8 ай бұрын

​@@victorarredondo304Appropriate response: " Hmm, I guess my fellow Americans are dumber than I thought."

@vonslagle

8 ай бұрын

@@victorarredondo304I know! We’re all diddly diddly doomed

@charlesstebbins7207

8 ай бұрын

​@@victorarredondo304Luckily we'll never have to find out. 😊

@michaelgreenwood3413

8 ай бұрын

@@victorarredondo304 Gonna be kinda hard when Article 14, Section 3 of the Constitution exists. You know, the one that's applied to him for two and a half years now. He won't even be able to run.

Colbert never ceases to amaze

I love Steven Colbert I'm so glad late night is back😊❤

I was taking a large swig of my drink when he said “the affordable leech act” and nearly choked to death 🤣

The real most popular costume is George Santos. But everyone lied about it.

@viclizardi6152

8 ай бұрын

Ba da bum! Bravo

@lgator08

8 ай бұрын

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

...I would have loved to get a book for Halloween.

Giving books was a brilliant idea. More people should do it! Biden/Harris 2024! 🇺🇸 🇺🇲 Vote Blue 🗳 💙

@kaiberberich1

8 ай бұрын

depends on the book !!

@beverlyaiglai7052

8 ай бұрын

I'd rather Biden/Budigege.

@kaiberberich1

8 ай бұрын

@@beverlyaiglai7052 I'm Aussie - so not seeing as much as you guys do. I rate Pete Buttigieg really highly too, so I see where you're coming from... But if thats not the ticket.. Biden Harris is still miles better than the alterative

Was that a 10 foot pole? 🤣

@williamduffy1227

8 ай бұрын

It was a 39½ foot pole.... 😅😅

@6:58 What should be more worrisome for her is: 1.- How would she know how being in a gay relationship is like?😳👩‍❤‍👩 2.- How would she know what being in a bestiality relationship is like?😳💗🐕‍🦺 &; 3.- How would she know how being in an incestual relationship is like?😳👩‍❤‍👨 ...so as to be able to talk first hand about those experiences & compare?😳🙄😬

@timefortinybirdandfriends6565

8 ай бұрын

Very scary thoughts!

@shawncarroll5255

8 ай бұрын

Hey, she could try for two out of three - all three simultaneously boggles the mind. 😱🤯

@bookfound

8 ай бұрын

By lying and giving bs counseling, of course.

@shawncarroll5255

8 ай бұрын

When a woman walking her female dog and says "She's my b@@@@" and means something completely different than you thought she meant. 🙀

@stevebulbowmd7142

8 ай бұрын

@@shawncarroll5255 ?🤔

"Butt finger" bar gave me a good laugh!!🤣🤣🤣

Waiting for Mike Johnson’s favorite bathhouse regulars to come forward in 3, 2, 1.

@kbbpll7338

8 ай бұрын

One look and you KNOW that guy is a pervert.

@freya8133

8 ай бұрын

There's already gossip about a New Orleans gay sex worker saying he had Mike Johnson as a client 😆🤣

Stood outside for the kids for an hour in spandex, giving out candy.

I love when he said, “phony!” OMG, only JD Salinger readers would’ve gotten that. Love this man! So sharp.

The first costume of the night I saw in New York City was a Barbie costume. So I thought the Barbie was going to be the most popular costume this Halloween. But by the end of the night the tyrannosaurus rex costume won. I saw so many of them. And people wore them in groups.

Religious Zealot is not going to be a popular costume, sorry Mike Johnson 🙄

Years from now, Stephen can say that kids are saying “Trick or Treat” again, because of him.

@shahnulislam9897

8 ай бұрын

I don't think his ego and insecurity is as large as Trump's 😂. Everyone is saying merry Christmas😂😂

@charlenemack7040

8 ай бұрын

@@shahnulislam9897 I wish everyone a happy Hanukkah I don’t care if they’re oriental they’re gonna get a happy Hanukkah from me lol! ❤

@JoeNarbaiz

8 ай бұрын

@@charlenemack7040 Happy Hanukkah is in reference to a Jewish holiday, not oriental. To whom do you say Happy Kwanzaa? 😂

@sfpincchicago

8 ай бұрын

​@@charlenemack7040 Asian. Oriental is a rug.

@margo3367

8 ай бұрын

A little girl dressed as the devil failed to say trick or treat until Minnie Mouse (her mom) prompted her. ❤

I’m good with books - esp if she handed out all the ones that have been banned. 👍

I cried laughing at the Mitch McConnell part,..Lol

Funniest Candy Names Ever! I could go for a couple of bars of TWAX and Butt Finger

Our only trick or treaters, were teens, middle school age, one group... We usually get a lot of children. It is really cold out there! Having said that, my husband doesn't mind the extras. 😂

Can I just get five full minutes of those candy names? I hurt myself laughing at that.

@chonqmonk

8 ай бұрын

I was hoping they would do "Mounds" and just leave it as "Mounds."

I live in Ohio and seeing SNOW between 6pm and 8pm ONLY during the trick or treaters time makes me think Mother nature played a huge trick

@sustainfem

8 ай бұрын

We have 3 inches this morning -- yikes! Too early for this stuff!!! (Are you listening Mother Nature?!)

The Mitch joke 05:19 absolutely brutal & legendary 🤣🤣

As I kid, I wouldn't have minded a book, of course I was a huge nerd then as I am now. Hopefully they would have been handing out Manga.

Glitch McConnell 😂

Wait a minute! As a GenX-er who did Halloween epically, I'd TOTALLY dig getting a book as a treat.

"Put down a towel" STEPHEN FINALLY A MAN OF REFINEMENT

Yes, books for Halloween! That is what we need.

"that's phoney." Well said, Holden.

Lol, he went critical role for a second.

Good to see you again! Happy Halloween 👻

For the first time since I moved here almost five years ago, I decorated for Halloween. It was a Halloween/Fall theme and I even bought candy to hand out. Not one kid came to my door. There aren't many children in my neighborhood anyway. I'll continue to decorate but I won't waste money on candy again.

@SeansModelBuilds

8 ай бұрын

Hopefully it was fun for you at least. I had the Reverse Happen: I forgot about Halloween because I had to work that evening. Kids showed up at my door 5 monutes before I headed to work. Luckily, I had an Unopened Container of Halloween Cookies for them.

Happy Halloween to All the Kiddos ☺️🧒🏼👧🏼🧒🏻👧🏻🧒🏽👧🏽🧒🏾👧🏾🧒🏿👧🏿🧒👧🥰❤️

It’s a tragedy for the nation that Mitch is now too feeble to fix the disaster he could have prevented. His legacy & our never ending nightmare.

My parents gave out books a couple of years ago during covid (in addition to candy), and they had multiple kids ask this year if they were giving out books again. They're well known as the best house to hit in the neighborhood, in THE neighborhood for trick or treating in town, so maybe don't hate on giving out books, because it was a huge hit.

Twax 🤣 Senior Mints 😂 Just The 1 ‘M’ 😂 Skimples 🤣 Yorp Porpormint Porpies 😂

@gamepapa1211

8 ай бұрын

Twinx.

"Gay marriage is a dark harbinger of chaos and sexual anarchy." Bro, he makes it sound cool. lmao

@CloudsGirl7

8 ай бұрын

Yeah, I'm sitting here thinking "calienté" 😏😉😆 I mean, gimme a f*ckin' break, Karen. Those fundies need to hit a bong, and FAST.

@Earthneedsado-over177

8 ай бұрын

It sounds like Johnson thinks about it A LOT.

You literally had me in tears by the time we got to Butt Finger LMAO!! Priceless.

"Butt Finger" is straight out of 70's Wacky Packs

@kgal9657

8 ай бұрын

I'd have guessed garbage pail kids.

@peterjonas4971

8 ай бұрын

@@kgal9657 I don't those were around in the 70s.

Colbert muttering giving out Catcher in the Rye is “phony” made my lit major heart smile

5:13 Stephen completely went there on Mitch 😂

that was absolute gold! it was Moscow mitch for sure!

Stephen! I need more knock off candy jokes. 😂😂😂

I definitely remember one year in gradeschool, we had a Scholastic Book Fair on Halloween. Spooky-themed books and everything. It was GREAT.