Something you talked about recently was the idea of struging with being perceived. I live with a roommate now after living alone for some years and find I'm anxious the whole time I'm showering because I don't want to come out and be seen, or leave water on the floor, or take a long time or have my roommate notice the things I do to mitigate my anxiety, etc etc 😮‍💨

@clivematthews95

6 ай бұрын

I’m so sorry, I can relate. I feel fearful of being judged harshly because I was and still am being severely, emotionally and mentally, abused so I’m blamed for little things quite easily.

@valval9277

6 ай бұрын

Being seen and perceived is one of the most dreadful feelings. I can barely function when I think/know someone’s focus is on me. It makes pretty much everything involving other people something to be avoided. I’m developing agoraphobia as I approach 40 years old so that is worrisome.

@Gleamiarts

6 ай бұрын

What do you think about changing in the bathroom after a shower? Would that help

@richmondroamer

6 ай бұрын

@@Gleamiarts it's on the smaller side and there isn't a counter, which gets into some other things mentioned in this video...brushing up against wet things for example, especially with clean clothes, would be way too much. Also, I hate being hot after a shower, so really i wanna get out of the bathroom fast.

@richmondroamer

6 ай бұрын

@@valval9277 same here. I haven't gone out much and my social anxiety has been really bad. In some ways I feel more "shy" at 44 than I did as a child.

in my case i think my biggest problem is executive dysfunction and going from one activity to another (i think it goes into executive dysfunction too but still). i remember when i was a child i had to be dragged to shower but then once i was in the shower i had to be dragged out, every single time. i love the feeling of being in the water, but for some reason it's such a difficult task to just get to the bathroom and start taking the shower. brushing my teeth is also a difficult thing to get the energy to do. the only thing that helps is having a routine where i have to get out of the house everyday at the same time, so i make a routine of getting ready that includes showering and brushing my teeth

@thethoughtspot222

6 ай бұрын

clear and distinct transition points are so important for us

@innocentnemesis3519

6 ай бұрын

Yeah, the shower is actually my safe haven and I’m in there so long because I shower in the dark and just freely stim and shut the world out. The issue is that isn’t a workable routine 😂 I’m a PDAer so the issue is the executive dysfunction, having the energy to perform self care, and generally having my life in order.

@zevrxn

6 ай бұрын

@@innocentnemesis3519 i don't shower in the dark but i also stim freely and forget there is a world out there

@zevrxn

6 ай бұрын

@@thethoughtspot222 they are! having that getting ready routine is what makes me actually have the drive to get out of the house

@loveinstars

6 ай бұрын

same mine is definitely executive function and also just being so tired from burnout and the stresses of school just makes me want to do nothing or sleep as soon as i’m home 😭😭

I don't struggle with the hypersensitivity, but with all the steps that are involved. It's not "just" showering for me, but a lot of steps and actions to be taken. I therefore prefer taking a bath so I can take it easy and prepare myself for the next step.

@thethoughtspot222

6 ай бұрын

yeah, showering is just so fast paced and intense for some reason

@freshoffthehook904

6 ай бұрын

I like showers because I like to watch the light through the water, I like the sound, I like the enclosure. But then I stay in way to long, forget to bring 1/2 the stuff I need because I forgot it existed until that step came up, and I now exhaust easily after health problems. But I also really hate baths because I over heat, sitting is uncomfortable, and my loose hair gets everywhere making for a horrible sensation. So what I do instead now days is wash like a victorian. With a bunch of pretty bowls, rose water, and hand towels. I can still enjoy the water but limit where I want it. I can sit down or lay down on the comfy floor. And best of all I it is way easier to remember everything I need because I can see it all at once and even when I do forget something it is way easier to start/stop to get things because I don’t have to worry about tracking water all through the house.

@clivematthews95

6 ай бұрын

@@freshoffthehook904I support this 👍🏾😊

@larrylarry4939

6 ай бұрын

I don't need to think about the steps, cause I mindlessly follow my routine. Maybe it helps you to write on the wall what the steps are, or to put numbers on the items. I also tend to forget stuff. Now I storage everything I need close to the shower. Like towel, washing stuff and I'm thinking about storing an outfit in the room, in case I forget clothing. A bathingrobe might also work instead of clothing or drying ones body off. My washing stuff is always in a bowl. So I just have to take the bowl with me.

@potatoO0o

6 ай бұрын

I also used to prefer taking a bath when I still had one. I ended laying in there for literal hours until the water got too cold.

The more i watch the more i am realizing just how many sensory issues i have 😅

You would like our bathroom. We have low light options, fresh towels that are only used once, clean bathmats, heated floor, and a bath with a digital water temperature and volume control panel. The rest of our house is totally unfinished, but the bathroom is nice.

I have huge sensory issues around brushing teeth. I have ADHD and Autism and the thought of it makes me squirm. I've put off brushing for years but getting 5 cavities and 2 teeth removed was much more stressful than just ramming it in there and sucking it up, but it takes a good half an hour of pep talk with myself and tears afterwards for a 3 minute task most people do without even thinking..

@user-my8bx2gd5t

6 ай бұрын

I FEEL YOU. It's always balancing on the point of throwing up while brushing and the mintiness of the paste it painful. I've been lying in bed for more than an hour now cause I promised myself I'll go brush as soon as I get up, so now I'm avoiding getting up:D

@tenshimoon

6 ай бұрын

I had sensory issues with it growing up as well, but either my sensitivity to the mintiness has either waned a bit, or toothpaste companies don't make the mint as strong as they used to back in the 80s and 90s, or a bit of both. Not to assume any of you haven't already looked into it, but just incase you haven't, there's toothpastes out there that are specifically formulated for people who are sensitive to the strong mint. Some of the fancier ones you can only get online, but many stores that carry hygiene products do carry toothpaste that's specifically formulated for those who can't stand the strong mint - it's usually marketed as children's toothpaste (because most kids hate mint I guess), but either way it's a good enough alternative if your biggest issue is the flavour of regular toothpaste (like it was for me).

@suu1998

6 ай бұрын

​​@@tenshimoonmy mom buys natural/bio toothpastes, they don't really have a taste but I guess it depends on the brand

@beomgyulover3417

6 ай бұрын

I'm very grateful for having great theet genetics, 'cause both of my parents have great theet,beacuse I also struggle a lot with brushing my theet,I hate toothpaste so much I wanna puke everytime I brush my theet, I've always hated toothpaste,even the kids flavored ones,even when I go without brushing my teeth a pretty long period of time my theeth just get a bit yellow and cavities disappear after like threes time of constantly brushing my teeth, I've been wanting to buy unflavored toothpaste,wich I found out was a thing recently and I really should just buy it atp

@bungaraya8436

6 ай бұрын

@@user-my8bx2gd5t I started to use kids toothpaste bc it tastes good to me which made a huge difference! Myb you can try out to find one that fits you!:)

I agree about harsh overhead light contributing to sensory overwhelm during showers. I've been bathing and showering by candlelight lately, but I really want to try to get a blue or purple light now!!

@thethoughtspot222

6 ай бұрын

love candlelight!

@ohitsthem7601

6 ай бұрын

So do i!!

@pshtuthinkicare

6 ай бұрын

The purple light is life changing :) definitely recommend

@Ashandonyx

6 ай бұрын

Candlelight and red light are what I use. Or very dim night light in a pinch.

@missymc6688

5 ай бұрын

omg same, candlelight showers are actually so calming so its an added bonus for me :)

my partner and i were talking about hygeine recently and the fact that growing up we weren't really taught the specifics of good hygeine. like our parents told us you need to brush your teeth or take a shower but we're not taught that we specifically need to wash parts of our bodies a certain way. there's kind of just this expectation that we will get in the shower and know what to do. it feels embarrassing to admit but i didn't even know i was supposed to specifically wash my downstairs until late middle school, i thought just letting the water and shampoo run over my body was cleaning it. we're just kinda expected to know these unspoken things, which feels like a common thread in the autistic experience. for my other autistic girlies/afabs: i learned just a couple years ago that you wanna wash down there with fragrance free or pH balancing soaps or it can mess with your pH balance! another thing i had to figure out on my own with help from the internet 🙃

@spaghetto9836

6 ай бұрын

I only wash my chamber with water, since biologically that's all it needs to clean itself. The (hopefully balanced due to your diet) bacteria will do the rest. Also, wash the soles of your feet! And around & behind your ears, since zits can appear there too, even in the smallest crevices. I use Q-tips dipped in water the same way I clean inside the canal. We're nasty beings that need maintenance 😂.

@snorlaxgender

6 ай бұрын

@@spaghetto9836 I was gonna say the same about just using water, but the terminology of "my chamber" is making me absolutely lose my shit. Might steal that one tbh 😆

@marraine7299

6 күн бұрын

If it helps, I didn't learn you had to wash your butt until adulthood, when an ex taught me. So I relate to this very much.

Coming from the poor household I can relate to you 100%. And also showering in other people's bathrooms - seing all the mess eww.

@thethoughtspot222

6 ай бұрын

I apologize if I didn't clarify enough in the video--I didn't grow up poor, but my dad did. So he raised us like we were still living in poverty when we weren't. I think it's important for me to make that distinction, out of respect!

I’ve begun using 3 towels - one immediately goes around my waist and lower body when I get out, one immediately thereafter goes around my chest and back and the other is used to dry my arms, then my lower legs. By then I’m significantly drier over my upper legs and body due to the wrapper towels so I hardly feel any drafts or cold air . It really helps me with the transition and the horrific feeling of cold air on my wet skin. Oh, and I also use a powerful heater that I put on beforehand, so the air is as warm as possible when I get out. I hope this helps somebody who might need it. Thank you Irene, for your articulate bravery in talking about a topic that so often nobody talks about.

@AlexisTwoLastNames

5 ай бұрын

i have a massive bath towel and it significantly improves the experience of getting out cuz i can wrap myself in it like a blanket. and it is an old towel so it is nice and thin which i prefer. i will be investing in another huge towel at some point and will slowly phase out the regular, smaller ones.

@noayariv5902

2 ай бұрын

I do that too! I have one towel for hands, one of upper body/hair, and one for a whole body/lower body

Oh, here's where my REAL struggles are at! If I can do everything else to look like a functional human, hygiene is always the place where it all falls apart. Especially as girls and women, it's like not having good hygiene makes you subhuman to some people. And yet the shame can't make me keep up with it, so it has to be SOMETHING other than laziness... and I don't have any problems doing my skincare routine, which is even more confusing lol Strangely enough, showering in the dark (or in natural light only) helps me, too. Washing my thick, curly hair has always been the absolute WORST time for me, I used to fight getting my hair washed as a child. But using solid bar shampoo/conditioner makes it much better for some reason I can't explain

@spaghetto9836

6 ай бұрын

I hate how the judgment is worse for our sex just because we have a vagina. It's so overblown by our elders how quickly we'll become diseased skanks if we don't bathe 2-3 times every 24 hours. And it's always about how hypothetical boyfriends will see us, not hygiene for hygiene's sake 🙄. I'm seen almost like the pig of the house for showering on alternating days due to what I now realize are sensory issues (the bathroom odor, the dampness causing fungi on the walls, no rug to step on in the chamber, how aggressive the water can be...), yet my younger brother can go a week and a half without showering & no one will bat an eye. Ig because penises need less maintenance..? What is this logic?? And you can't point this out, because you'll just seem dirtier & more ludicrous, to the level of that TikTok (?) girl who claimed showering is a scam 😂. Anyone else traumatized by elders showing you obscure videos of women with severe vaginal diseases to try to scare you into showering more? ...No? Damn.

@etcwhatever

6 ай бұрын

​@@spaghetto9836i bathe 2 or 3 times a week and take a long time washing my hair, plus mask and conditioner...the other days i wash my armpits, feet and down there only. Im in Europe we have the bidet and sink. I dont need to shower everyday. No bad smell or anything 😂

@spaghetto9836

6 ай бұрын

@@etcwhatever Right, bidets are gifts of God 😂.

All of this is so relatable. It’s different now that I’m 30. Showers with led lights are part of my sensory rest routine ❤

I was trying to explain to my therapist that I sometimes struggle with sensory issues while brushing my hair/teeth or showering but, because it only happens sometimes and I was not able to describe what it actually FEELS like to me (all I could say is that it made my body flinch), she kept saying it wasn't really a sensory thing, it was probably just an emotional response and I wasn't being able to identify it because of the alexythimia. It made me feel like I was not doing a good job explaining and self-advocating. Edit: As for strategies, I've heard a couple people now mention washing their hair in the sink in order not to feel the wet hair on their back and then washing the body at a separate time/day. For the hair/tooth brushing, my therapist suggested I try distracting myself with music next time. One of the accommodations my mom had at her house is she'd have ceiling lights that allowed you to regulate their intensity all the way down until they were only dim light, which might be helpful for people who are sensitive to bright lights.

@Catlily5

6 ай бұрын

Music helps me take a bath or a shower.

@TheCloverAffiliate12

6 ай бұрын

I can understand you feeling like you didn't do a good enough job explaining and self-advocating 😞 At the same time, it seems to me that you did your best with what you had. (I hope that (or any of my comment) doesn't come across as invalidating your feelings on what happened, as that's not my intent.) Frankly, what your therapist said seems rather invalidating of her to me. Did she try providing different sensory descriptors to help? Because describing sensory experiences can be just as difficult as describing emotional ones-which makes sense, considering emotions are literally just our interpretations of what we're experiencing with our nervous systems.

@Lysandra_Bouquet

6 ай бұрын

I can only bring myself to brush my teeth when I'm listening to music so I completely understand that. And the lights sound like a great idea as I'm light sensitive as well due to being legally blind.

@Minakie

6 ай бұрын

@@TheCloverAffiliate12 She didn't provide any descriptors, no. Sometimes, I feel like it's hard for me to think of the right words to use because of my memory recall problems and it can be almost impossible if I myself don't really know what I'm trying to explain. When I have sensory issues, I just shut down and dissociate so I can't explain what/how I feel because I feel nothing. But, if I'm struggling to find the proper words to use and someone mentions the right word (or one with a similar meaning) I can still reply with "Yes, that's it!", "That's close but that's not quite it", or "No, that doesn't sound right". But, in all honesty, I don't even know if she had enough knowledge of sensory issues to provide me with any descriptors herself because she specializes in anxiety/depression/PTSD and not in autism.

@elfinshell4758

6 ай бұрын

@@Lysandra_BouquetI usually pick an interesting youtube video or podcast while I’m brushing my teeth and washing my face. It definitely helps keep the other part of my brain occupied and makes the task slightly less boring. Lol

I was thinking about this in the shower just yesterday that the feeling of wet hair sticking to my hands and wrists causes a visceral feeling of disgust for me and I wondered if that was an autistic thing. It does seem like a sensory issue.

@Catlily5

6 ай бұрын

I brush my hair before bathing as well.

@TheCloverAffiliate12

6 ай бұрын

While I see the possibility of some people brushing out their hair before showering, I know some people have curly hair, and having wet hair makes detangling a lot less painful. So for those who do have to have your hair wet, might I suggest detangling your hair in the sink or using a spray bottle (there's a tradeoff in how much control you have over the water for each-whichever one works for you personally), using detangling products (maybe one you like the smell of?), and (perhaps most importantly) using gloves if you don't want to touch your wet hair. Just some ideas to start!

@kristineohkristine

6 ай бұрын

3 things that might help that I use for other reasons - don't mean to be pushy, just offering suggestions in case they help: 1) using a shampoo brush/scalp massager to leather shampoo instead of fingers 2) using a wide tooth comb to detangle hair and wash out product instead of fingers 3) you mention your hands/wrist, but if the feeling of wet hair on your back bothers you too, you can use a large hair clip to put your hair up while you do other things in the shower. Bonus, I shampoo & rinse first then condition & leave my hair clipped up with conditioner on while I do everything else, then wash the conditioner out last so it can sit a while

I moved to a new house as I am going to college. I find showering to be extremely difficult lately I have to pre-plan it, and take off the whole evening to do it because it’s so emotionally and sensory exhausting. I’m glad the other people have struggles keeping up with their hygiene. It makes me feel less alone.☺️

It's crazy how similar our experiences are, I did the same thing with avoiding showers and brushing my teeth and still struggle a bit with it to this day. I remember my oldest sister would always complain that I smelled and would plead with me to take a shower. It scares me to think how long I went without actually taking a shower, a lot of the time I'd just let the water run for a while and stand in it for a minute just to get wet. I rarely ever washed my hands either, I didn't understand the need to. When I was around 14 I remember my other sister bringing me to Walmart telling me to pick out a body mist without any context. And I also remember being so afraid of people in school noticing and making comments about my hygiene. The thing is though that I don't remember it being something that I couldn't handle sensory-wise, for me I think it was moreso PDA.

@spaghetto9836

6 ай бұрын

Yeah, my trouble with showers is a mix of sensory problems & PDA when I'm demanded to _or else_ ___.

I have hated showering for as long as I can remember. I do not like feeling hot while I am covered in water. I want water to be cool on my skin like when I’m swimming. I struggle with regulating my body temperature so if I don’t balance out the water temp just right, I will overheat and be 100% exhausted by the time I get done cleaning my body. I honestly cannot relate to feeling refreshed after a bath or shower. I’m just tired, hot, and irritated. Lol. I shower in the dark more often than not in order to take away the brightness which allows the heat to have a bit more negative wiggle room so it can’t overwhelm me as quickly. I don’t like how towels feel while drying my skin so I end up trying to get dressed before I’m completely dry… which makes putting clothes back on more difficult and very uncomfortable. I could go on forever about how unpleasant it is to stay clean. It’s a genuine struggle but most people have no idea just how rarely I bathe because I’ve found other ways to keep clean in between. Baby wipes and spray deodorant are my friends! Also… I HATE how TOOTHPASTE tastes and how it makes the skin around my mouth feel. It burns and mint makes me gag… so strawberry children’s tooth paste in essential but still lacking on overall cleansing effect. Personal hygiene i a huge pain and the benefits never seem to outweigh their negatives.

Getting undressed and feeling cold before and after and also the feeling of being wet is so uncomfortable. Also all the steps it takes to shower as a woman. Shampoo, conditioner, soap, shaving legs and then armpits it’s so much.

I can attest. It wasn't until my late 20s I started to take care of myself even more.

I too, used to do this with, brushing, showering, and washing my hands (pretending to do it, to get parents off of my back). I definitely understand. I thought I was alone. I knew I was different, but didn't know until recently (late thirties). It's easier once we know, what it stems from. Thank you for sharing

This is definitely me! I did shower regularly as a kid, but I couldn’t stand some of the grime in our bathroom and the feeling of being cold and wet when I got out (from Canada). When I got older I do recall only washing my hair in the sink or tub,” a lot, especially at friends places because the idea of showering in someone else’s home freaked me out. Now as a 38 year old (with a husband) I have my own bathroom and I actually love my shower time. One, I can’t stand feeling oily (I’ve gotten greasier with age for some reason) and am terrified of UTI’s so I have to shower once a day. It’s now my alone time too (I finally told my husband I don’t like being bothered in the shower). And I put on my podcasts so I can be out of my head and just enjoy being alone.

@tedddybear

6 ай бұрын

I feel you on the oily part. If I don’t shower everyday I feel like oil is leaching all over my body and I can’t focus on anything else

Teeth brushing is a sensory nightmare in every way. I can not stand mint toothpaste or toothpaste that's too sweet.

@macbree4868

6 ай бұрын

I tried a watermelon flavored one from Hismile recently. I like it!

@ohitsthem7601

6 ай бұрын

@@macbree4868 i tried some kinda watermelon one and it was better but still too sweet. Now i use coco ginger BOKA toothpaste, it kinda just tastes like tea :3

@sheep1ewe

6 ай бұрын

I switched ower to an extra soft brush an flourid water one does spit out after brushing instead of that horrble camfer toothpaste i still hawe serious nightmares from childhood after, it helped me a lot.

@TheCJOHNSON93

6 ай бұрын

Same! It drives me crazy since I was a kid 😢

@ohitsthem7601

6 ай бұрын

@@TheCJOHNSON93 so glad im not alone on this

For me I struggle with not being clean. I personally NEED to shower everyday with the correct routine, and brush my teeth etc, I need to put on this specific lotion and lip balm. I need to or else I want to peel my skin off the sensory feeling I feel, I feel DISGUSTING and I can’t do anything. Can’t do my homework, can’t eat , can’t do anything until I shower when I get home. S

having a space heater in the bathroom helped me A LOT to not feel cold after i come out of the shower, i just stand right in front of it and it's very soothing to me. i also used to avoid showers a lot because i had so many sensory issues i just wasn't conscious of. thank you for sharing this and putting such eloquent words to these complicated feelings

You give parents a lot of grace. I see parents, even "good" ones, looking for ways to manipulate their children into acting in ways to make the parents less uncomfortable and that's the definition of parenting they operate from.

@MrsLadyLiberty

14 күн бұрын

Also, the mildew smell/aversion is so real. My single mom had me doing my own laundry as young as 9 years old. If child me with undiagnosed autism forgot the clothes in the washer, she would make me dry them with the mildew smell so that I'd "learn to not forget". I'm 40 and still have the fear of being the smelly kid.

I hate showering after other people because I don’t like stepping into a wet shower or a hot shower. So when I live with others I always have to shower first so I have a dry bathroom to step into, or I have to shower at night when everyone has already showered in the morning. That damp feeling in a bathroom is the worst. No one else understands it… but it’s for sure a sensory thing

I have always struggled with mouth hygiene, i have been in VERY FEW periods where I brushed my teeth twice a day but I always go away from it. I think the reason is that I as a kid never was taught or "forced" into having the routine, I have already had 8 teeth removed and 2 of my teet rn has fillings. I try to keep up with brushing my teeth but I usually end up forgetting it or just not doing it.

I related so much to this topic! Irene, I used to do the same thing when I was a child. I would go in the bathroom and turn on the shower, but not really take a shower! When I got to be a teenager, though I realized the importance of daily showering, especially since I had incredibly greasy hair. If I didn't wash it every day, it looked absolutely disgusting! Still today, at the age of 60, I still struggle with hygiene. I have a routine, so it's gets done regardless of how I feel about it, but it's still a mental struggle. I have trouble with sensory issues, and I also have executive function and PDA issues, as well. Whenever I think about doing a task, all the many steps involved make me feel so overwhelmed! Taking a shower and getting dressed are like 50 different steps to me, which feels like I just don't have the time or the energy to do it. Then I have to decide what to wear. What will feel the most comfortable on my skin and my body today? Transitions between different tasks are hard for me, too. My mind desires sameness and consistency, so switching from one task to another feels threatening to me, in ways I can't really explain! It causes me so much anxiety...

When I was a kid there were a few times where I was shamed by family members/classmates for going days without showering/even changing clothes. They didn't know, and neither did I, that I was struggling with sensory issues. Even now as a 25 year old I find myself wearing the same clothes for multiple days, because I only have a few pieces of clothes that don't cause me sensory issues, and the act of changing what I'm wearing is unsettling to me. I also avoid washing my clothes because I get terrified that my comfort clothes are going to be changed in the wash, either by shrinking, or changing texture. At the same time I walk around constantly smelling myself because I'm scared I smell bad, and I'm scared someone is going to point out that I've been wearing the same shirt for multiple days. It would be a lot easier if people were more understanding and didn't cast judgment on others that they know nothing about. Thanks for spreading knowledge Irene

So relatable. Seriously. I set reminders on my phone every three days “shower” because it does help and remind me. I’ve noticed if I just shower immediately going into the bathroom for the first time of the day it feels easier.

im glad you mentioned lack of cleaning up with immigrant parents. i grew up with a busy family. and my dad being an average misogynist didn’t do the cleaning. so it was all my mom. but she was a working mother of 2. so i understand in retrospect. but my bathroom growing up was never really clean. like the toilet would but particularly the shower was full of mildew. i also remember leaving the shower on to avoid taking one. or even just letting the water run off of me in the shower to avoid smelling too bad. but i didn’t shower much, i really hated them. the more i watch your videos the more i realize how much autism has been a problem all my life. im not diagnosed, but i have not watched a video of yours involving autism that i didn’t relate to in almost every way. i appreciate this so much, really.

When I was a teen, I've done the whole thing of tricking my parents that I've taken a shower. And I am quite sure my brother did the same. I could never figure out why. Now I know I really dislike the transition from and into the bath/shower and I could never explain it. It is still a bit murky why (meaning what kind of accomodations I need). I have figured out some small things but I still noticed that in cold seasons when I don't sweat so much, I avoid showering. I did figure out a work around so I can clean those parts of me that sweat and smell the most without getting into the bath or shower and without wetting my whole body. The only problem with this solution is that eventually the parts of my skin that don't get that treatment for weeks start showing the signs of durt and they are not pleasant to touch. I am trying to shower more and it works okeish in the summer since beaing all sweaty is far worse so the incentive is strong enough and I actually feel so much better after a shower in the summer nowadays. I cannot replicate this in the cold months tho. Like shower is much more work and energy than the outcome. It's not about the cold for sure since my flat is super warm whole year long. It's much more about being wet outside of the bath and how wet part of my body feel before I dry them out. Funny enough, the experience of being in the water or pouring warm water on my body is very ok for me... to the point that I can get stuck on it just prologing the experience.

@clivematthews95

6 ай бұрын

👍🏾💛

@Catlily5

6 ай бұрын

Getting into the bath or shower is hard and getting out is hard.

@fliss9962

6 ай бұрын

Really relate to this

I bathe 2 to 3 times a week. I prefer taking a bath because soaking in water helps me with chronic pain, and I don't find it as sensory overstimulating as showering. I hate the feeling of being pelted with water and the temperature is hard to control and the noise is so echoy. I really hate it. But get me into a warm bath and I can relax, I can take my time. I can listen to music or have low lights and it is just so much better. I prefer to bathe every other day, but it is hard to do sometimes. Sometimes I can only do it like once a week, but I keep my hair short (for sensory reasons) but that means I can easily wash my hair in the sink, and baby wipes are awesome for when I just can't. I don't see any harm in doing it. And it's perfectly acceptable to me even if I had to do that for an extended period of time. We gotta do what we gotta do, and I don't judge.

I got some bamboo bath mats recently and I love them! Keeps my feet off of the cold floor, but doesn't trap moisture.

My first day living with a roommate, I got out of their gross shower and realized they had used my only towel and thrown it in the cat litter box. Had to dry off with my dirty clothes and have never recovered. I was truly devastated, cried and still think of that 20 years later. Clean white towels have been a must ever since.

I also hate feeling the cold air after a shower. My shower has glass panels which I think are the best thing because they really trap the steam and make it feel cozy. After showering I normally open the panels as little as possible, swiftly reach for the towels and actually dry myself up in the shower. If I come out too wet I immediately start to shiver. I'm really sensitive to cold envoronments. I thought it was because I'm mediterranean but autism explains it so much better. For me 19 degrees celsius is so cold I genuinely need a jacket. I always get cold during the winter as soon as I step out of the house. People say all I have to do is put on warmer clothes. I literally used to put on two pairs of everything. two pairs of long thick socks, two pairs of long underpants, two pairs of t-shirts with long sleeves and two to three long coats on top of everything else. And I still get cold in the winter. The lights are also a thing I never thought of. My bathroom has pale orange walls and when the sun shines through the window on clear days it's really damn bright, even though I like warm light. The electric light instead is more yellow-ish and if I think about it it feels wrong. My favourite light is grey light, if it's even a thing. I like it in the eartly morning when the sun isn't really up yet but you can see everyithing. I like cloudy days too. The light is kind of blueish-grey and I love it. I can see everything clearly without being blinded. Once I had to spend three weeks on a farm near the german-swiss border and I din't have a bathroom. All I got was this shower room tucket under the farmer's house. I myself slept in a caravan nearby. It was a pain to get myself to take a shower. I literally showered thrice in three weeks. The room was so damn cold. The tiles were freezing. But there was a large window and the sun never really hit it directly. The light was perfect. I rarely turn on lights when I walk around the house at night. I always keep my room dark. I'm a creature of obscurity, I guess.

@ishbelharris1857

Ай бұрын

I do the same in the shower and I hate the feeling of being wet all over and in open air as opposed to being underwater. It's too much and I can't shower at the beginning or end of the day as it ruins the day or stops me sleeping. When I stay with friends I go into their bathrooms in the morning, run the shower and dampen my hair and a towel. It's part of my masking routine as an NT. Same for me with the lights. No lights on at night in my house, or at the most one small light in one room at a time and never the overhead lights. Bright sunshine overhead in the middle of the day makes me hide in the house with the blinds closed if I have a choice. I also don't deal well with summer temperatures - anything over 25C is too hot. The temperature sensitivity has got worse over time and now I dread the summer.

I read somewhere online about light sensitivity for ADHD persons. Years later I was diagnosed. I became curious about the new AI lightbulb changing light, so I bought one from an online retailer and put it in my bedroom, dining and other spaces around my apartment. It is life-saving and it feels great to control the dimness, the light colour and the timer. I sometimes forget to turn off the lights, so it's easy when the app turns off the lights by 10pm. And since I am sensitive to bright lights, we can dim down the light bulb anywhere around the apartment. As for hygiene, I was really bad with showering and brushing my teeth, but since my diagnosis, I've learned to be kinder to myself and have an everyday routine and remind myself that this is my long-term investment in my wellbeing. 😊

I turn on a space heater when I shower or take a bath. I also hate feeling cold when my body is wet.

I have really bad vision and the fact that I can't see the bathroom clearly while I shower is a life saver. It softens the edges of all of the aversions and sensitivities that I have in the bathroom.

Wow-the needing to warm up in the bath first before dealing with showering is incredibly relatable! I have struggled with this my entire life and never knew anyone who understood. My current partner and I have separate bathrooms to help me, but I still end up having to clean his bathroom and deal with his hair everywhere and towels-the smells overwhelm me because it is next to my home office. Lighting, mildew, I could go on about the struggles. It is just so nice to know someone gets it-there was a lot here that helped me not feel so alone-thank you for making this & sharing!

I go between periods of excessive showering from twice a day to wearing gloves while I even shower myself. I had a short time where I lint rolled every single item of clothing I wore from sock, underwear,bras more recently as an adult. I work as a barber and hairstylist so sometimes even my own hair can disgust me, we sanitize so much that it has carried out into my normal life to the point of OCD now. When I was a kid, I got nicknamed smelly Kelly for some obvious reasons. Brushing my hair as a child and brushing my teeth often took my whole family holding me down to the counter to just brush my teeth. So many of your experiences are similar to mine and as well as other viewers watching now.. I am also part Japanese and Caucasian (danish and English) . I'm fairly certain I have a type of ED as well. I hated the locker rooms at public pools at the college and water parks. I basically wear shoes constantly... I used to love being barefoot... But it also sounds like my ankle breaks multiple times a day.. and I broke a vein in my foot so basically at 32 I'm 72 😔 I just wanna roller skate like I used to... But I'm dying laughing at the beard trimming stuff because I didn't think anyone else felt like me... Hugs from 2 hours away ❤

I relate to this soooo much, with the childhood struggles with being repulsed by bathrooms etc because the family doesn't clean well 😩 I would go a week or more without bathing, I rationalized it bc I was homeschooled & had no activities or friends outside the house so I didn't "need" to. even as an adult with agency over my own bathroom I still hate being in it during the day & REALLY hate showering during the day & can't even open my eyes if I'm looking down bc ANYthing on the all white floors & walls & surfaces will gross me out SO FUCKING MUCH I feel like I have to clean every single time I'm in the bathroom & then that sets off my PDA so I basically always have PDA anxiety about cleaning no matter what I do. And I use dark colored lights too!! At night the ONLY light that comes on in the bathroom is a red bulb in the normal bulb fixture. The 2nd bulb with it is a regular bulb that I loosen after the morning so I can just flip on the red one at night.

Also to help with the cold bathroom--little space heaters! Put it on while the shower is steaming up and it will be nice and toasty when you step out, if your bathroom is small enough! Nice thick towels/towels with good texture. I like extra big towels!

9:26: although my struggle doesnt usually extend to hygiene, I hate being cold and wet. Showers have a way of bringing me back after meltdowns and/or anxiety attacks, definitely has to do with stimming under the stream of warm water. But I've become so so so accustomed to being the party pooper at the lake when its below 60 degrees and friends still want to swim - I know it'll feel as if I'll never be warm again and my mood will nosedive 😅

something that has helped me is using a non cloth shoes like flip-flops that I only use in the bathroom to avoid feeling the wet\ cold floor

This is such an interesting discussion. My sound sensitivity is worse than I ever gave it credit for, and bathrooms are very echo-y. Anytime I dropped a slippery shampoo bottle - bang! - I winced in pain. I thought I was the only one who showered with the lights down! I have a Himalayan salt lamp on my counter just for the days when I can’t do full-on light, plus a small oil diffuser where I add fresh lemon oil to make it smell clean. The fake scents of personal care products can be nauseating. Personally I also have an intense aversion to the smell of bleach, to the point where I have to use a mask around it, so I’ve had to switch to things like Seventh Generation cleaners, or Method eucalyptus mint daily shower spray. If I don’t stock sensory-friendly cleaning products then I won’t clean at all, and then I have an aversion to my own space but also can’t clean it. When I was a kid one day I told my mom that I didn’t want her to wash my clothes, because the laundry detergent gave me a headache. She switched to fragrance free, and I could finally wear clean clothes and use clean sheets.

Ever since moving into my new apartment, it's been harder to get myself to shower as often cause the hot water only lasts like 15 minutes, so I have to turn it off when I'm brushing my hair (yes I brush my hair in the shower), to preserve the time I have, which is really annoying. Plus the shower head is placed abnormally high, so I have to kind of contort myself to get under the water. It's really frustrating cause, I hated doing it but was able to do it enough before, and now it's just so much of a chore with the added issues, I can only really motivate myself to do it when I really really need to. And when you have long hair , the longer you wait to shower/brush your hair, the longer and more tedious the process will be. Sigh...

8:42 I remember as a kid not always understanding that people were laughing *at* me. Sometimes I knew, but I didn't understand why.

@1amSaada

6 ай бұрын

I relate to this so much man 😢

I‘m not a very sweaty person and I rarely feel the need to shower. Oftentimes I just forget it. Establishing a routine of „shower days“ has really helped me in keeping my hygiene. The last two years of my life have been extremely stressful, so I‘ve settled on showering once a week - on Sundays. The problem with this routine is that if I miss it, I have to wait a whole other week to shower or shower on a different day which messes up the routine, and it can take up to several weeks to get back into it. Any tips?

@sweetdream242424163

6 ай бұрын

I used to have the same problem and it is really disorientating when you try to get back to that routine. What u ended up doing I think was having a set backup day so it was a set time still and if I didn’t need to shower then I’d still at least wash my face or something similar just to keep that routine going

@dclqworm

4 ай бұрын

choose two days for optional wash days - you only have to do one, but if you don't do one you still have another opportunity! I do this with Thursdays and Saturdays!

Imho, we come from a higher dimension where we don't normally have a body so it seems like a redundant nightmare to have to do all the same things over and over again just to start our so-called day

Since moving back in with my family after being relatively on my own for 4-5 years was and still is hard. I have found ways to accommodate my needs over the past year and a half that I’ve been back with them and thought I would share for those that may be looking for tools to help them. When I was living with my long term roommate we kept the house at a cool 68-69 degrees at night, and it was absolutely sublime. I didn’t have to worry about night sweats as much since it would be so cool. I believe I used to do laundry and my sheets either once a week, or once every two weeks depending on how busy my week was and how dirty things felt. Again, we kept our place very cool, during the day around 72-73, so my body usually didn’t overheat and I didn’t excessively sweat. I think I would shower maybe every 2-3 days typically, it also helped that we had our own bathrooms. So, since moving back in with my family and having very little space to myself, it has been a struggle to say the least. Getting to the tools/accommodations I give myself: -I resolve to shower every other day, sometimes two days in a row, but I do on occasion miss a shower day, then I’ll do it the next day -I wash my sheets/laundry one a week, I picked Tuesday since it’s most convenient, and make sure to align my showers so I shower on the day my sheets are clean (I love the feeling of having a clean body and freshly laundered sheets) -On my shower days, no matter which bathroom I use (there are only two) I always wear my shower/house shoes because I cannot stand the thought I going barefoot -With house shoes, I always wear them in the house to avoid stepping on crumbs or any debris that would trigger me, if I don’t have shoes, then I at least have socks on For reference, my family home is kept at 74 at night, and then it is typically set to 76-77 during the day, so it is uncomfortable a lot of the time and I can get a sensory overload more often than not. My life right now does not allow me to move out so these are things that I unfortunately have to deal with at the moment. Those are just some small things I can think of currently. I really enjoy your videos and appreciate all the time and effort you put into them. They have been helping me be more self aware of my emotions and actions, as well as making more of an effort to use the tools in a lot of your videos to regulate myself and help others around me.

I'm a neurodivergent college student and living in a dormitory isn't a very pleasant experience for myself, there's a lot of unwanted sounds (especially when there's parties), having to share a shower with several other people and in a lot of cases people do not clean up after themselves, or wash their dishes (which happens quite a bit). Microwaves can get pretty dirty too. I understand that it shouldn't be my problem, but I just cannot live in that environment, so I take it upon myself to do a lot of cleaning. I don't do it as often now because I'm trying to enforce boundaries for myself and the only thing I really keep up with now is sweeping up leaves that tend to be tracked into the living space which I'm totally fine with because it's calming and it gives me something to do.

I so appreciate you making this video. I can relate to so many things you’ve mentioned here. I didn’t know about the studies behind blue light but I always had them in my bathroom cause when its dark outside its hard to shower with the lights off as I prefer. I don’t care for showers unless my hair is absolutely gross or I have to go to work. I live alone with my service dog so I don’t need to keep up hygine to please others. My towells have always been white and thin so I can bleach them every week when I do my laundry. Nothing smells better than a bleached towell after a shower. Also my shampoo, conditioner and body soap needs to be mild in smell otherwise I avoid taking showers. I was never able to buy perfume for myself my entire life cause to me its just an absolute overwhelming experience. The very few perfumes I’ve had in life (I’m 41) were gifts. I have broken up with boyfriends before cause their towells smelled like mold, I don’t know guys all have mold smelling towells and that smell transfers to their body where I can’t even get near them.

I relate to the pretending shower but with brushing my teeth. I hate it, the sensation the pain the taste of toothpaste. I would close the door, run the sink, turn on the toothbrush (if it was electric) and rinse with mouthwash since my mom started checking my breath. This stopped after I was 6 or 7. But to this day I still struggle brushing my teeth at 21 years old

Pro tip for the ppl averse to cloth shower curtains: get the plastic liner for the inside of the shower, and the cloth curtain for the outside. I habe a super cool designed cloth curtain but I hate getting them wet, so it's a great compromise that makes the bathroom really feel mine 🥰

ugh I remember avoiding showering for about a month when I was about 10 years old because I just truly hated being in the shower - I think it was a mix of standing on the shower mat, stepping barefoot near the dirty toilet to get into the shower, and having to shampoo/conditioner/water running onto my face while while I was washing my hair. til this day, I cannot take a shower without having a towel over the shower door or somewhere nearby, just so I can wipe the water off of my face whenever it becomes too much lol just all of the sensory aversions + the looming fear of closing my eyes in the shower and accidentally conjuring a demon 💀!! my older brother would always reach in and shut the light off when I was taking a shower and it would FREAK me out so that never helped any either. to curb the suspicion of avoiding showering, I would just slick my asian hair back into a ponytail every day and throw a headband on

This episode was so unbelievably relatable, I'm currently struggling with showering on the reg. and you just hit right on so many of the issues I have with it. Thank you for your videos, you are able to articulate so many of the thoughts & feelings I've had but can't express. I appreciate you!

I struggle to shower so much because I hate getting wet. It sucks because I like being clean, but wet hair and damp skin is just so uncomfortable. And the winter months suck because of the cold air. I hate sharing bathrooms with ppl because they typically don’t flush with the toilet cover down. They also tend to splash water all over the sink, and when they shower for whatever reason they leave a whole puddle in front of the shower. I prefer my own private shower. I completely dry my body before even stepping out of the shower because I hate leaving puddles.I have no bathmat, I just thoroughly dry each foot then put on the sandals I have sitting in front of the shower. That way I don’t have to deal with a stinky bathmat

One thing my mom did for me as a kid during winter after a bath she would either have my towel and clothes in the dryer while i bathe so its warm when i get out, or she would wrap me up in my towel and put the hair dryer on low and put it in the towel but not near my skin it would be like a warm air taco. She would also do the clothes dryer thing getting ready for school so i wouldnt have to freeze while getting dressed. Putting on a warm shirt is heaven. Most of the time im too lazy to do it now but when im having a hard time showering bc of the sensory of getting out i will do it. ill make a heat taco with my blanket up against a heater on cold days bc i cant stand being cold then i get sweaty and have to back off, then get cold again bc im sweaty and start over

This hits so close to home. I was bullied in middle school for hygiene issues. I tried to explain to a bunch of teenage girls how I feel claustrophobic in small spaces when I get into the shower. They cornered me and followed me into the bathroom at school until i answered when I last showered. I had a visceral reaction alluding to self harm when my parents told me to shower. It was why i eventually got on medication. I love showers now because of the scents from sugar scrub and scalp massager. I still procrastinate to get in there though. There's so many steps involved especially having long hair. Even now as an adult I keep the bathroom door open and sometimes listen to music to calm my anxiety. I've never knew anybody that could relate to this before.

Just wanna add that usually when this topic is brought up people always talk about "weeks" (at most) without showering/washing hair/brushing teeth but it can also be many months or years, and it isn't always something that gets better with age/situationally. It's easy to feel a little excluded from the conversation when that happens so if anyone relates, hi, you're not alone in this. This is 1 completely valid experience from 1 lovely person who is very brave to talk about it, but it doesn't have to be like yours.

@thethoughtspot222

6 ай бұрын

This is true. All I can do is speak on my experience and *try* to offer a safe space for others to also share theirs

I can totaly relate to this showering topic. I myself tried to increase the time between the showers, also till the time I had to 'fake it' through only wetting the hair. And I still have my problems with this topic. But I think, the reasons are slightly different (thus I'm not shure, if I've interpreted the reasons correctly). The water temperature whilst getting into the shower is one thing, but it's better as long as I let the water warm up. The other reason is, that I get some different kinds of fear whilst showering. E.g. this feeling of beeing unprotected, whilst removing the clothes and beeing naked...

@Catlily5

6 ай бұрын

I hate getting naked as well in my case probably due to PTSD.

I've dulled my reactions to bathroom sensations for the most part even though I know what makes me uncomfortable, just because the level of cleanliness I would need to feel completely at ease is outside my and my spouse's capabilities (both ND, PDA). The biggest hurdles for me are brushing my teeth and cutting my nails. I HATE mint with a burning passion and there's not very many non-mint toothpastes available that aren't stupid expensive; I also can't stand the sensation of my nail beds being exposed and touching things after cutting them. But, as for showering - a hack my spouse and I both use is dyeing our hair!! Since washing out the dye is such a pain to begin with, it usually leads to an "okay FINE" response to taking a whole-ass shower. Then you can have a clean body AND purple hair if you want! :D

Instead of all four lightbulbs being plugged in in the bathroom, my partner only has one fully screwed in. I have extreme eversion to the feeling of my feet being wet and touching anything "gross" and so when I take a shower, I have a designated towel I put on the floor outside the shower that helps maintain the same feeling while drying my feet at the same time. That towel also helps a lot because of my executive dysfunction making it incredibly difficult to clean the bathroom as it is very small and cramped.

I HAVE never walked barefoot in a bathroom in my life

When she said about showering wearing shoes, it made me think that in my family we are used to shower wearing flip flops (I would say many people here in Brazil do this). I think it's something that can helps if you feel uneasy to shower in other people's bathrooms. When I'm staying in someone's house, I usually take my hygiene kit which includes my flip flops, the products I use and sometimes my towel too. But generally I stay with people who I think are also autistic without a diagnosis, so they are extremely worried with cleanliness 😅 probably because of sensitivities regarding smell too

Historical haircare methods which don't require showering as often have helped me a lot.

Omg, you just described me and my experience with hygiene... Girl, I feel you! 😭 This video literally brought tears to my eyes. Thank you SO much for sharing! I feel so seen now, and I believe I'm absolutely not the only one who feels this way after watching it...

I want a towel warmer soo bad too lol some things that i do for the shower are: • drying off and wrapping my hair in a towel before stepping out of the shower • Keeping the door closed to trap more warmth • Using a small space heater in the winter to warm it up like 20 mins before i need to shower • switched my bathroom fan to one that automatically kicks on when humidity is high to prevent mold growth • keeping a cleaning wand hidden behind the curtain so its not an eyesore for me but i can clean my shower while already in there if i notice something • lighting one of my favorite candles for good smells • replaced my lights to a more aesthetic low/cozy colored light Also for dental hygiene these help alot: • At the very worst if i cannot handle brushing i will use a flavored mouthwash, i like therabreaths wack water melon lol • finding a toothpaste flavor i actually like • using a super soft bristle toothbrush • got a cheap water flosser because i hate the feeling of actual floss • using arms bands to keep water from going down my arms

10:16 Can't relate to the mold thing, but can definitely relate to the parents not being go.od at keeping the house clean thing.

I used to "trick" my parents into believing that I brushed my teeth when, in reality, I didn't start regularly brushing them until my mid twenties. My teeth were sooooo yellow and my breath was so bad for so long. Ugh 😅

the mold part is so real 😭 my parents aren’t immigrants but they don’t clean the house as often as they should so the shower curtain is so dirty and it’s nasty ☹️☹️☹️☹️ and our floors… 😭😕

100% with cleaning. While bleaching the sink last week. It occurred to me I had never done that here, and I've been in this apt 6 years. I hate to admit, I did sound like my mother when I remind myself that if I "did a little bit everyday", it wouldn't ever get dirty. (That's probably more my adhd tho)

Ok you encouraged me to go clean my shower 😂😂! But in all seriousness, this was a very helpful and informative video thank u.

Me I think it's more overload & shutdown, loosing the concept of needing to shower & what not

20:18 another thing you can do to help with that cold is partially dry off in the shower stall (at least arms and legs) -it’s what I do not just for the cold but also because the bathroom floor wasn’t made right and has soft spots from previous residents dripping all over the floor there

Washing hair in the sink hits home. Used that so much in childhood. The call outs for cold temperature!! Its insanely painful for me

Present in the Roll Call!

Thank you for this video

19:38 You're right! When you feel cold, and take a hot shower, your body adjusts by lowering its internal core temperature, and increasing blood flow to the skin, thereby releasing heat. So while it feels nice and warm during the shower, when you step out into the cold environment, the body needs to work even harder to regulate back up to a comfortable core temperature. The opposite is also true--If you're feeling hot and take a cold shower, while it seems relieving at first, stepping back into the hot environment with a hot internal temperature, you'll feel worse. So when it's hot, I tend to just start with a cold shower and warm it up before I'm done, and vice versa.

I hate using soap at other people's houses because I can't stand the heavily scented, bath and body works-style, or heavily floral scents. Scents of cleaning products in general has always been tough for me

Wanting to be clean but being unable to clean yourself is one of the worst feelings

I've been suspecting being autistic for a very long time now but this video made it clear to me that I have to be on the spectrum somewhere. Like all of this is SO weirdly accurate. I'd like to comment on almost everything you said but then this comment would take forever to write and nobody wants to read this anyway haha. Two things I will say: 1) I HATE taking baths. The thought of soaking in my own gunk is absolutely disgusting to me and being in any body of water feels like liquid jail to me. Which is funny because I loved swimming and taking baths as a child. 2) Shower mats and their feel are also extremely disgusting to me so I don't have one. I avoid stepping on the naked floor after showering by simply putting a small towel that's reserved for my feet on the floor. It's a lot easier to care for, you can just hang it to dry, it dries a lot faster than a shower mat would and you can just wash it in the washing machine together with all the other towels.

Thank you for this video ❤

While maybe a little on the pricey side long term, as someone who lives in a cold climate the best thing I've done for my cold adversion is to get a little space heater for my bathroom, I'll run it for about 20 minutes before I shower or take a bath, and it's lifechanging.

Feel so seen! Thank you 💙

one of the upsides of having bad eyesight - you don't have to see all that when showering

THIS IS EVERYTHING, THANK YOU.❤

thank you for talking about this.

thanks for the video, help me understand myself, being late self diagnosed autistic adult

Thank-you for bravely sharing this. I get it.

Omg this is so helpful for parents thank u for sharing this

This has such good information! I’m going to copy a lot of these accommodations

You could put 2 towels in the dryer for 5 mins before shower, then fold one and wrap it into the second to keep it warm while you shower then you’ll have a warm towel :) great video!

Really appreciate your honesty 🍀 best wishes

Thank you for being so open and making a space for this. This is a really personal and difficult topic to discuss but SO useful. I related to a lot in this video and the comments.

thankyou for this

Just laundry detergent does nothing to kill germs on stuff unless it's a HOT cycle. *insert scene of them boiling jeans from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia* 'Well we always boil our denim.'

This just made me feel so valid. Thank you for being vulnerable.

What i do is i put my bath robe on the bathroom heater so as soon as i step out the shower i put it on and it feels so nice !