I had a girlfriend who loved to talk about her problems. Being autistic, my brain immediately does an instantaneous scan of all relevant information and experiences I have had in order to find a solution the specific problem she is telling me about. I would tell her about a similar experience I have had, or that I read about, and how it was addressed. One time she blurted out "I'm telling you about ____ and you are making it all about YOU!!". I tried to explain that I was showing her that I could empathize with her since I had been through similar, and that I was sharing information with which I though she could benefit. It fell on deaf ears. After that, any time I tried to share or give information to a topic/problem that came up, it was met with "See?!? you're making it all about YOU again!" I ended up breaking up with her.

@TheLastEgg08

3 ай бұрын

I’m sorry to hear that. Yeah, ND’s and our way of connecting with people is sharing a story of ours, they can’t get it for the most part. Now I just blurt out some masked things like preconceived responses and pseudo analysis of the situation without giving solutions cause unless asked I never do. People don’t want a solution they just want to vent out their problems. Difficult to figure everything out.

@ainakunigelyte

Ай бұрын

​@@TheLastEgg08why can't you keep it to their story without giving your examples? Usually we want to further go deeper in our story, get more questions about it, rather than shifting attention to your story and never getting chance to elaborate about ours because now it is about your story

@TheLastEgg08

Ай бұрын

@@ainakunigelyte Because that’s how our brain works, I’d love to go deeper into their stories but it’s hard, it feels unnatural.

@ainakunigelyte

Ай бұрын

@@TheLastEgg08 in that way you show interest, if you only tell your anecdote, it can be a nice way to show that you can relate, but then if you don't come back to their story it indeed shows no interest from your side. Intentional effort is also what all people do not only operate in natural ways.

@ainakunigelyte

Ай бұрын

@@TheLastEgg08 could you explain if you are interested, why don't you want to ask more questions about their story? But maybe you are actually not interested?

Sometimes i feel like this is met with total indifference or overwhelm and it feels like emotional whiplash

@neuroqueercoach

Ай бұрын

Emotional whiplash is exactly the right word. I used to get so excited whenever my dad paid attention to me that I would info dump everything that I'd been thinking that day/week, and rather than tell me he was getting overwhelmed, he'd let it build and build until he screamed at me that I was talking too much.

@hhwippedcream

Ай бұрын

​​@@neuroqueercoachthank you for sharing this is very helpful as I try to retain awareness. The problem is that because I had similar situations to you growing up, I'm now pretty hyper vigilant when I shouldnt be because I'm sitting there reading every micro expression and self censor when I should be contributing. Jeez. Just wish I could be better at snapping myself out of it. Thanks again - very helpful and supportive

@neuroqueercoach

Ай бұрын

@@hhwippedcream 💯 can relate. It helps a bit that I don't really have any NT friends and to remind myself that I am not in danger anymore. Cptsf causes emotional flashbacks so that I think I'm seeing a bear (and therefore in danger) when really it's a dog. That's the metaphor that I work with, anyway. It comes from Dr Romani (I think?) about emotional flashbacks while healing from narcissistic abuse, so not all of that may apply to you, but if it does, have at it!

@hhwippedcream

Ай бұрын

@@neuroqueercoach thanks so much. Very kind of you to offer your experience here. I will likely take a look at that work!

@neuroqueercoach

Ай бұрын

​@hhwippedcream no problem! She has a yt channel and a book called It's Not You, the audio book of which she narrates and has been really soothing.

Ahhhh this is so hard for me. I feel so disconnected from my autistic husband, so I bid for connection, and he launches into a monologue about native languages or his conlang or politics or lately it’s the Hapsburgs, and I still don’t feel connected. I do listen, but when I talk he can’t follow me to the end of a sentence. Sometimes I can chuckle at how we miss each other, and other times I want to cry. So much for us to learn

Oh hey, it me.

@goose2888

Жыл бұрын

(spiderman pointing at spiderman)

Yes absolutely! 😂 I love telling people about me and what I like and what I did and what I’m doing etc . My daughter will ask me hows my day and then instead of saying its good .. I tell her everythingggggg. I think this is why I hate, hate when coworkers or strangers ask me “ How are you?” Uuuugggg, what ? I mean why do they even do this? I think too much about it I know , but I think asking someone how are you is being replaced for Hi . Can you tell me why I possibly hate it so much? 😣

The mom mentioning her trouble sleeping. Just keep each of the tips to a few words or less: "Nasal stips and barbiturates"

Did you make a whole KZread channel so you could infodump about autism? 😉🤓🥳

That was cool.

Yes!!!!!

100% me