Among the GAZILLION things making sense since my autism discovery, here's one of them: why it is that out of NOWHERE, when I've been having one of my particularly good (and remember, they're not always) social experiences, where I've been on top of my game (well...no, not "my" game, but on top of the expected game), chatty, witty, clever, great give-and-take, just walking that tightrope perfectly between an off-ish "lurker" on the one hand and a cheezy lamp-shade wearer on the other (well, that's not really a tightrope, is it, but you know what I mean: I'm hitting my stride so nicely), and WHAM, all in an instant, like at the flip of a switch, I'm DONE. My whole psycho-affective system shuts down inside, telegraphing me, "EMPTY. Show's over. It's midnight, Cinderella, and the pumpkin is you. Can't get blood from a stone and...this thing you've been doing for the past 90 minutes? Yeah, you're the stone and there's no more of that blood flowing either." I guess it means you've reached masking max-out, or something like that. Anyway, I get it now, so it's okay. It doesn't mean I'm mentally ill. It just means, well, "to everything there is a season," and sometimes my "season" is only 90 minutes. 😏

@cornRipper

3 ай бұрын

This! I mask very well, (my dad trained me so much without either of us knowing) 😂😂 but I can go from like a smooth talking chatty Jessica rabbit, to brain dead zombie that can barely function the words and actions I need to even finish the conversation! But I still try and keep going even if I’m done- which I actually attribute to my masking; the last figment of determination and obligation to societal expectations.

@kensears5099

3 ай бұрын

@@cornRipper So we both get it, totally! 🙂 The wonderful thing is, it's not a mystery to me anymore. The reality of autism has liberated me from the ghost of autism. That is, the haunting presence of something I couldn't define has been exorcized by the welcome materialization of a reality I can embrace with relief and new prerogative and competency in life.

@cornRipper

3 ай бұрын

@@kensears5099 YES. Autism is exciting once you get to know it, 🤭

@kensears5099

3 ай бұрын

@@cornRipper Definitely, Because it's new freedom, realization, prerogative and competency in life, without the tortured confusions and misreadings.

@Gasta1983

3 ай бұрын

I call masking my ass. Nah, if it is 90 minutes straight you ain't masking shit. It is you normotypical mental exhaustion after intensive engagement of that long. You cannot workout at your max intensity more than 45-ish minutes taking no breaks. Brain is a muscle. I don't know who gave you the idea that your brain can operate at its max for that long, but being a simultaneous interpreter I've seen to many people crash right after an hour or so of simultaneous interpreting if they did do their job well. That is why there is a standard of 20 minutes after whivh you rotate with your colleague to take the mic. Masking aint got shit to do with it. 😂

My desperate desire for routines, but my complete inability to maintain them 😂 It's like autism wants routines to be so perfect and adhered to with military precision, but ADHD won't let me do that consistently due to SQIURRELL... Then once the routine is broken, autism now finds it icky and just drops it all together 😂 then all the dopamine dries up and ADHD says nope! That's been marked for deletion! Then autism goes " uh-oh this situation doesn't feel right, let's freeze and stare at the wall for 20 minutes"... Then, ADHD goes " Wait a second, there's no dopamine in this wall for me! What was that other task I was just doing? Oh shoot. There's another task that needs to be taken care of. Let's do that! .....

@lisawhitehall1870

3 ай бұрын

❤️

It's hard living with both because of the continuous push and pull. Forget trying to have a consistent bedtime. 😮‍💨

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

Bedtime can be so brutal! I really struggled with sleep for a large part of my adult life. After getting diagnosed with autism, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to improve my sleep (both falling and staying asleep) while minimizing the time and energy needed on my wind down routine. My sleep quality has drastically improved and I’m going to make a video talking about what I’ve learned and what’s working. I think it will help!

@johnbillings5260

3 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby I'll definitely have to check that out. I don't know how feasible it is for me because of others in the house merely existing, but the autism side of me wants that.

Well, this was the closest thing I’ve see describing my need for social interaction and my innate ability to struggle when I make them happen. I have a few differences with what kinds of issues I have compared to the video, but the overall effect of this story makes me feel both seen in a validating way, and seen in an uncomfortable way. However, I am 52 and mid November 2023 received a diagnosis of ADHD Combined type leaning more toward inattentive while still having some hyperactive traits. Then late January 2024 received an ASD diagnosis. All of this is still new to me, and I really haven’t integrated the knowledge yet. But I wanted to thank you for making this video and giving me a close approximation so I can show someone this video and say, “It’s sort of like this with me.”

99% of bathrooms are anxiety inducing. I don't even like thinking about it. Then there is the 1%... a fascinating bathroom and I wonder why all bathroom aren't like this. Why aren't they all so clean, well stocked, and comforting like this one? And why is the awesome bathroom so vacant? It is like my own personal space!

@Catlily5

3 ай бұрын

The emptiness is why the bathroom is so nice. Not many people are messing it up.

You described being a people pleaser yet not wanting to have small conversation. My ADD and my autistic side also Paul let each other. My autistic side wants to be home where it’s safe. My ADD side wants to get out there and engage. Even if it’s a little activity. The two are constantly at war with each other. The overthinking after the encounters can be immense. And it takes a lot of energy out of me just going through the event over and over especially conversations. I still have the need to participate in short bursts, and then be able to head home to my safety zone. If I’m around a lot of people, I need to have some in my hand. Sometimes I carry a small stone, other times it’s a favorite pen that I’m holding in my hand, even though I have no need to write with it. These little things help me get through moments where I need to be having a conversation and stay focused. When in a crowded room, I can really take all the things that somebody is saying to me, the background noises way too distracting. Trips to the grocery store are huge choice for me because there’s too many people in too much motion and too much going on, and the speakers are too loud and the lights are too bright, etc. So daily tasks like going to the store is a huge challenge for me. There are times I’m in the store and I actually zone out because there’s too much stimuli. so when it comes to going to the grocery store, I try to go in for what I want and get out as quick as possible. If it’s overcrowded, it becomes a nightmare. At that point they need to get out of there is extremely strong and sometimes I leave forgetting a few things in the process. Having a list and crossing it off as I go about my shopping helps a lot so I can stay focused. And I always feel the need to say hi to absolutely everybody who walks by me. I try hard not to give in to that like keeping my eyes on the items on the shelves, and on my list and get out of there as quick as possible. That’s just one example. Even if it’s family it’s hard for me to attend.

The neurodivergent urge to personify everything 🙂🙃🙂 I feel that on a cellular level lol

With permission, I may start referring to these as my torpedo and tornado modes. 😂 Over the years, I have asked my husband SO many debrief questions after social outings together. Thanks for sharing how it shows up for you too! Now to refer back to the routine building video to ensure some quality control with my sharknado prevention strategies! 📝🤓

7:47 😂😂😂 I died man 😂 love your very honest description ❤😊😂

I love how you name your “brain children”. It’s definitely very interesting. But this whole thing makes sense!

Wow. I have suffered with Bipolar disorder since my 20s, and I thought I was pretty aware when it rears its ugly head. But then I was diagnosed in my 40s with ADHD and ADS, dyslexia, and dyscalculea. While I am becoming more cognizant of how my ASD affects me, I am just beginning to figure out how my ADHD affects me in general, much less the interplay between it, the ASD, and the Bipolar Disorder. Sometimes, I feel like a giant strew pot of symptoms that can conflict with or exacerbate the others. Often, it's a dizzying nightmare!

😂The long eyelash. I thought it was just me. 😅

C&D, you're both so INCREDIBLE! Everything you post is amazingly relatable & creatively accurate. Like we're comfy buds only from far away 😅

As a newly diagnosed person at the age of 27(got it a week ago), this content is so on point and so helpful. All this time I felt like these things are unique for me and I’m broken in some way, wasted so much energy on masking. It’s such a relief to know who you really are. I wish you all the best and thx for sharing your experience ❤

More vids PLEASE! Moooore!

I laughed out loud so much listening to this..mainly because I could relate to it so well!

Oh, the eye contact thing! I get it. Plus, I didn't realize, until much older, that my glasses help give me safe distance, making eye contact more comfortable. One day, I realized, if I didn't have to wear my glasses, I would prefer nonprescription lenses with glasses [unless exercising].

This is the first video I've found on what it feels like to have both. Well, I'm pretty sure outside an official diagnosis now that it's exactly what's going on with me. Thank you for this answer.

Pulling my brain apart..frustrated too you described what happens when tornado and torpedo collide exactly..then the panic is horrible and I start turning it inwards and freaking out about why I can't have help! when I cannot understand the WHY😢I can't have help. Invisible disabilities and unable to cope is exhausting 😢besides overwhelming

@scruffypupper

3 ай бұрын

Invisible disabilities. Good way to put that. I thought Chris and Debby might feature some merch, like T-shirts with slogans such as: I'm Autistic. What's Your Excuse? :)

@lisawhitehall1870

3 ай бұрын

@@scruffypupper thank you for your words.

This is me 90%. The next day I have to totally veg and relax because I'm exhausted. Then the cycle starts again until I have a big meltdown. And I'm left with "what is wrong with me?". I'm 57 and just starting the tests to see if I'm ADHD and/or autistic. It runs in my family.

When I only had the awareness I had autism I just thought I was an ambivert bad at initiating conversations

Sharknado has to be the best description of AuDHD. 🤣🤣🤣

For me the way out is fiction, movies, books, series where people go out and do things and i watch them from my home. That appeases tornado without alerting torpedo. I do go out, but is very sparse and rare. Because if torpedo will have a crisis for sure.

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

Yes, pacing myself and being honest about this to myself and others helps so much

I found this very enlightening. Thank you for sharing so deeply. I’m so sorry you have a terrible time with bathrooms .That sounds so stressful 😢 I personally despise the modern hand dryers that are so secretive about where you’re supposed to put your hands and then when you eventually find the sweet spot they shatter your ear drums with 800 dB of wind in a tiny tiled room. What was wrong with the old white ones with the big silver circle “on”button and obvious air nozzle?

@ChrisandDebby

Ай бұрын

Agreed about the hand dryers! The new soap dispensers equally frustrate me - also when the exit doors are disguised to blend in with the walls 😱 Thanks for being here! Glad you found this helpful!

OMG, can I ever relate, haha! The metaphors are great. Quite entertaining, thanks :)

I have ADHD combined types and ASD2. I also have 7 adult children and only got my diagnosis late last year. Fun times.

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

Wow!!! I bet you have a lot of fun stories!! I can’t imagine how stressful raising 7 children would be having AuDHD.

I can so relate to this, as someone who is both ASD and ADD. The only difference is that I am very introverted, so I could never imagine inviting a bunch of people to anything.... but the push and pull of the "tornado" and "torpedo" is very, very familiar to me. You mentioned something that I only noticed myself a few weekends ago, while at a science fiction convention in a new hotel. I have new glasses and did very well in the car with my husband driving (for once, I could see things sharply and so, was not quite as scared), but the longer I was at the hotel, with dim lighting, the blurrier things got! I simply attributed it to the dim lighting, but now I wonder if it wasn't also due to my increasing sensory fatigue, as well. Hmm..... much food for thought. Subscribed, happily, as I love your sense of humor. Take care and thank you!

You explained it well.

This video gave me so much seratonin. So. Very. Relatable. 😂❤

I unmasked 6 months ago, 7 days of so much electricity and energy and hyperthinking beyond belief it was energizing, invigorating and freedom and so uncomfortable!! Final result, ADHD/Autism and it doesn't end there, tourettes and am also an Empath!! I can relate to your emotions with the tug of war or me me me. A struggle in a relationship and cried harder than ever in my entire life, like a baby. 2 days and then come Saturday. My ADHD is bored to all hell!! So this is how it plays in my head my Autisic self is say ok you can do it!! So I went to the tattoo shop and had them put a dragon head on the top of my hand!! Let me just say that all of me loved every pin prick, every pinch!! Spontaneous, stimulating, invigorating and freeing. Then chilled for the rest of the day, was a great day!! Sunday was a perfect day, the sun was out and warm enough to go hiking so I did just that. One thing I have to share, when I am at my best in a day I feel euphoric...🤔 and hiking stimulates my entire self!! It really is such a beautiful place!! Forever seeking stimulation!!👍😎👻🌶

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

I understand exactly how you feel!! The push pull of AuDHD is challenging. I also absolutely love hiking and feel the same as you. It’s such a wonderful experience. If feels free and exhilarating. I love hiking through forests, especially when the temperature is cool and there isn’t intense sun.

My ADHD side always likes to go to party's but the moment I arrive at the party my ASD side is like: " what the hell are you doing here?" I am also a people pleaser and hate it if people hate me (ADHD side) but I also hate people and don't care what they think about me (ASD side) 🤯

I have the non-hyperactive version of ADHD absolutely suspect I’m autistic. Just need to get the diagnosis done but it takes a lot of money in time. I have dyslexia audio processing disorder and it’s strange. You’re very inconsistent as a person when you have ADHD and ASD sometimes you hyper focused beyond belief other times you scattered all over the place like a squirrel other times you sit down for days on in other days you can’t sit still and you’re cleaning the house 10 times over because you keep forgetting what you were cleaning I have a lot of the same problems you do who do you suggest I go through getting tested for the ASD?

@Flopsi80

2 ай бұрын

Here in germany we don't have to pay for the diagnostic. But because there are only a few professionals doing it for adult people you have to wait years! They have long waiting lists. I will have to wait 4 years to get an appointment if I contact them right now. So I help myself like I nearly always do. I know what I need.

I relate to the reviewing of the social event after the fact. I am sure I made mistakes and that someone is mad at me. This thought goes over and over and over in my head. It is so annoying and usually no one is even mad at me.

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

The rumination 😩 I do the same thing but have learned over time that : 1. It’s already over and 2. I am an overthinker, so same as for you!

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby It is so annoying!

I’m going through the same man good luck to you!

I want to go out and visit people but once I'm there I don't want to be. I want people to come over but once they are here I want them to leave. I have spent most of my life fairly isolated, I'm desperately lonely but I am shit at making friends and I rarely leave the house anymore, I joined a local men's group once that didn't end well, still pulling the knives out of my back.

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

I’m the same. I feel lonely often as well. It’s really hard. I have two very close friends and one is my wife. I spend my time either alone or with them. I used to think I needed tons of friends. Now I believe you need just one or two of the right kind of friend. This takes quite a while to develop.

@saintessa

3 ай бұрын

Yeah wanting to be social but in controlled circumstances, where you can leave or they leave. I have 3 friends if you count partner. 2 of them I knew since we were 5. I don't know how to live with partner especially in a small space. I feel like I have no mental space? He i Was diagnosed asd as a child. I've adhd and feel both introverted and extroverted but when I'm in someone else's space constantly I feel so dissociated

@Weird_guy79

3 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby I have few friends, ones bipolar help him out a lot but the favor is never returned, another with young kids split custody, never see him unless he wants something, same with the first one and my closest 'friend' is a pathological liar that just wont stop. Mums still around but she told me she does not care and its not important to her.

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

Those don’t sound like great friends. 😧😧

@saintessa

3 ай бұрын

@@Weird_guy79 similar situation, a friend had a child and is planning for another and gradually became more distant, she'd told my mother not to tell me where she's moving to, and she still has a phone I lent her for over a year. That hurts a lot, I understand. And My partner is bipolar too, it's very hard at times. You've got to balance boundaries and takes learning to see what's not a good friend especially if you assume others have the same consideration. You're not alone in this.

I’ve got 2 teenage sons. One has ADHD, the other ASD!

I'm not sure if this counts as my (self-diagnosed for now) ASD and ADHD conflicting, but I struggle a lot with my desire to do a perfect job lol I tend to misunderstand just how important certain jobs actually are at work, to the point that I spend far too much time trying to do it perfectly when, in reality, it wasn't that serious. But despite trying so hard and desperately to do my job completely and perfectly, I'll often still get distracted, confused and forgetful, meaning the quality of my work often doesn't match the amount of time I've spent on it. Which can make me look lazy when in reality, I'm trying so hard to do things right that it stresses me out immensely, and that stress tends to make me even more forgetful. I'll get so focused on doing tasks right, but I'll never prioritise the right ones, often completely forgetting tasks I also needed to do because I spent too much time perfecting what I thought was the most important one My autism makes me spend too much time trying to perfect tasks that don't need to be perfect, my ADHD makes it hard to remember other tasks or the actual instructions, and both lead to me making glaring mistakes during my shift despite how hard I was trying. And it sucks, because I want to do my tasks perfectly, but I'll often completely forget what those tasks were or fail to prioritise them correctly p a i n :,)))

I get so confused personally.... I think like i half relate to some things but not others

Darryl Anka has helped me alot😊

I HATE public restrooms. I can tolerate urinals, but I'd rather be seen as a little rude and go home early then use a stall.

Great video, but can i ask where you get that stim toy from? It looks perfect

@ChrisandDebby

24 күн бұрын

The NeeDoh Cube!! Omg… you gotta try the gumdrop. It’s so satisfying. We might have a link in the description. If not, you can Google it. Amazon carries it but runs out of stock because they are getting really popular.

@wendyneal1744

22 күн бұрын

Thank you so much! I've been wanting something study enough for really squeezing. I'm too frightened of using stuff that can pop. It's not fun cleaning up the mess

I can relate.

Not diagnosed with either (yet) but for me, ADHD needs my stuff all over the place so it knows what I've got and maybe where it is, and ASD hates ALLLLLL the mess... but I can't keep it tidy for longer than about a week. And even then it's only if I have special family over that I have the motivation to tidy - which is about twice a year. My adult kids know what I'm like so I don't bother for them. Maybe my two sides need names too, something like Ade and Ace. But I can't call anything "Ace" without mentally adding "hole" LMAO (it's a Red Dwarf British comedy reference in case you don't know it). I only recently found your channel and I'm relating to everything I've watched so far. Thank you for putting yourself out there, Chris!

I'm also audhd, its so exhausting

Every time you make a video between both my brain goes, but isn't this Adhd? But isn't this adhd? But isn't this adhd? But isn't this adhd? I was even going to write ADHD is in change, and ASD is suffering, but how u described work, I'm definitely in ASD mode, even if something deviates from the norm will snap or get frustrated. Aroil can get here fast enough for my assessment. I call mine Garfield and Odie.

Routines vs no routines. For me, ADHD wins this fight.

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

😂😂 I know exactly what you mean! It’s so hard. I only have success when I build my routine very very very slowly!

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

😂😂 I know exactly what you mean! It’s so hard. I only have success when I build my routine very very very slowly!

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby Just bedtime is so hard. I have finally got my bedtime down to a 3 hour slot after many years. But it is much better than the random sleeping habits I used to have!

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

But that’s smart! Bedtime routines are the best place to start because getting good sleep is so important.

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby Yes, it has improved my life a lot. I also eat more regularly. That helps as well.

What are your thoughts on ADHD medications? I'm thinking they don't help like I thought they would. They just enable me to continue pretending to be someone I'm not, even though I get my work done. I'd love to know others' thoughts.

🌟

I was somehow most struck about your vision going blurry. Is that an eye (lens) thing, or a brain thing. 🤔

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

It’s a brain thing caused by anxiety. It’s not fun and it happens very quickly. It makes me nervous to go a lot of places. I first really started noticing it in college. www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-disorders/symptoms/blurred-distorted-foggy-vision/

@saintessa

3 ай бұрын

I get that but it gets really vibrant too

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

​​@@saintessa My vision gets very sharp and vibrant when I am getting anxious sometimes. Everything is overwhelmingly bright.

I wonder if my special interest is ADHD's, because ADHD and ASD is really happy when we don't use that door to the outside, so I can be a stay at home AuDHD just fine and don't need outside ADHD junk food. Edit: On the other hand I just labeled "friends"/"family" as junk...

My ADHD is SpongeBob, my Autism is Squidward

I'm 40 and just discovered i may be autistic but my wife thinks im being overreactive.I can't afford a doctor.

@Hedonistic_animal

3 ай бұрын

Then self diagnose as autistic and research online. There is no real mediacal treatment for autism anyway. There is some therapy options. Look into mindfullnes/meditation. There's is some intresting noontropics that can help maybe try one a month and see what the result is. Also stuff like magnesium and some sleep aid can be helpful if you have trouble sleeping. Make selfcare and reading / research online your special interest and you can help yourself more then you think. Without spending a lot of moolah. Stay strong. 🎉🎉🎉

@-WillAlone-

3 ай бұрын

@@Hedonistic_animalMethylene blue helps a lot.Thank you.

@Hedonistic_animal

3 ай бұрын

​@@-WillAlone-Cool never seen or tried it before. Does it help with mental focus and clarity? I used to have the worste brain fog after 2 pm that is now gone tanks to some suplements (nad+ tongkat ali and ashwaganda for (anxiety) zink , magnesium and yerba mate tee instead of cofee. And alot of walking. If you are intresting in mindfullness i would recomend eckhart tolles; "Omega" lectures (recorded after 9/11 if you are confused with the tragic event he refers to sometimes. There is 7 or 8 parts i think. It's a wierd concept at first but if you do practice it , it can be a big relief. Close your eyes and listen or watch the vid. You are not your thoughts. Defeat ones ego and living i the present are some concept. Sometimes your mind is not your ally and can be a a**, so better not listen to it sometimes.😅

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

​@@Hedonistic_animal Be careful my magnesium levels got too high. Check your blood levels.

@Hedonistic_animal

2 ай бұрын

@@Catlily5 Ok how did you get that high magnesium? I only take one magnesium pill per day so I cant really see how i would have too high magnesium lvls, took blood test a cojple weeks ago and it was fine.

😂

Well, consider yourself lucky that you also don’t have OCD, because that takes torpedo and tornado to another level 😂

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

OCD needs it's own name. Static Electricity? Chemical Burn?

@ThinkPositiveDude

2 ай бұрын

@@Catlily5 definitely chemical burn

@Catlily5

2 ай бұрын

@@ThinkPositiveDude 👍

You remind me of Jim Gaffigan...and you're the funniest autistic on KZread...🙂😳😳

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

I’m no where near as funny as Jim Gaffigan. I saw him live in Hong Kong and laughed the entire show. He got funnier with every joke! Being compared to that guy is the best compliment I’ve had in a long long time! You are my new best bud!!

@AnneShirleyMarshall

3 ай бұрын

I'm just glad to find a channel that makes me laugh about reality...🙂🙋

@ChrisandDebby

3 ай бұрын

Having AuDHD is incredibly challenging and I think humor is an excellent remedy! Lots more videos are coming. Thanks again for your support!!

Terminal case of soy boy as well.

@ChrisandDebby

2 ай бұрын

Your mom thinks differently

@user82938

2 ай бұрын

@@ChrisandDebby So you're a cheater, too? Wow, I wouldn't have guessed, honestly. I feel bad for your spouse now.

ADHD and ASD are my dog and cat (respectively)