I went through taking care of my ex through 18 surgeries, no help from family and no outside help. I was exhausted all the time but I kept going. We have a kid, I worked, pets, went to college part time, etc. We could not afford to have help come in. I had 1 surgery and he acted like it was such an inconvenience to him. I lost all empathy for him and his last surgery, it was an Outpatient but he needed someone to drive him. I made him get someone from work. Yep. I was done and I was called a horrible person and he acted like I did nothing for him, ever. We are now divorced. I rather die on the floor by myself than go through all of that ever again or be treated like I'm not a priority or that I am not a good person. Nope.

@yogigirl1173

2 ай бұрын

Good for you!!!!!

@debralondon2402

7 күн бұрын

I agree with you.

They taught us in nursing school that women who have male partners are more likely to be abandoned by their partners if they develop a chronic or deadly illness. The idea that men continue to hate caretaking-while expecting it!-is so sad. He needs to rethink whether marriage is for him.

@anthill1510

4 ай бұрын

The statistics are even worse than that. The normal divorce rate in a year is 15%. If the woman gets sick the divorce rate for these couples goes up to 25%. If the husband gets sick the divorce rate for the couple goes DOWN to 5%, because women were conditioned by society to not leave a sick partner.

@melisshere28

3 ай бұрын

Wow, how devastating💔 “In sickness & in health” should be for both partners.

@malteserjones1502

2 ай бұрын

It’s funny how when women have those thoughts it’s; “Girl, have a spa day mama” “Have a girls night” “Your husband needs to own his illness”

@LisaPFrampton

2 ай бұрын

I have had so many health problems and close to death experiences and surgeries, etc, and my husband is quite cold to me and recently told me that he's not in love with me anymore. He loves me, just not in love. He RARELY wants sex. He's crushed my heart completely to the point of being numb. He's disappointed the kids so much over the years that they don't trust him and cannot depend on him. It's not too late for him, but he's got to put in the effort! Lately he's been trying more, which is good, but I'm so scared that he'll give up again. We've been married for 21 years!

@sitka49

Ай бұрын

There could truth to that , i know a guy that did that very thing. He abandoned his wife after she was diagnosed with ALS.

He’s (first caller) not ready to be married.

I’m so thankful for this caller because my husband is the exactly same yells whenever anything isn’t going how he needs it to go. I had him listen to this call and he stopped. ❤

My husband had an accident, then a surgery, then cancer surgery and recovery and chemo and now he's had another surgery from which he is recovering. It's a lot and I'm sick of him being sick, but we're plodding along.

@ilovejigen

Ай бұрын

I wish you all the best!

Awe man, that guy that is burnt out would never make it as a stay at home mom!😂

@keylacmckemp1309

5 ай бұрын

I was a stay at home mom and wife. It was easier than my 17 years as a teacher.

@emily8008

2 ай бұрын

🎻​@@keylacmckemp1309

@michaelamanus189

10 күн бұрын

I'm a stay at home mom ...girl I agree...😅he wont

First caller needing to not be needed is a joke. Sounds like my husband sometimes. I get saddled with four kids and he’ll leave me and not tell me when he’s coming back when he goes out with his buddies. We all need some down time and I get very burnt out and emotional. It turns into a cycle and I feel stuck sometimes. I hope this young man can wake up before he’s no longer married.

I wish my father would listen to this. He was a yeller my whole childhood and still has his moments. What was even more hard was that he has been a pastor for my whole life too. I love the man, but he’s got trauma that he refuses to work through. Unfortunately that upbringing taught and forced me to be the quiet child who shut down and internalized all of her feelings. That alone has negatively impacted how I’ve previously communicated (lack of) in my marriage as well as simple friendships. It was hard recognizing it as abuse when it was brought to my attention in my early 20s.

@lome5914

2 жыл бұрын

Same with my dad! He was angry all the time, especially over the little things. I didn’t realize just how bad it was until I got married. I had to unlearn certain things myself, because growing up I thought it was normal to get mad overly mad over things. It’s been a couple years of marriage, and I’m still learning.

@brandishantel5889

Жыл бұрын

To me that's is unfortunate because as a pastor he is probably counseling couples. Hopefully he at least recognizes the behavior is wrong. But I sympathize with your situation as I grew up with a very angry dad also. I also completely shut down around yelling. I hope you are well now.

@jammyJBden

Жыл бұрын

Wow, everything you said it’s so similar to my life

@sarahvigue

Жыл бұрын

Send him this link

@sarahvigue

Жыл бұрын

Send him this link

1st caller sounds like an introvert...I have a lot on my plate, going from 3 am to 9pm+...full time job, immediate family, also checking on extended family, and a friend with significant health issues who has no one else willing to help her much. If I don't get DAILY time to decompress and recharge, ALONE, I will quickly be overwhelmed and fall apart, even on the little stuff. As an introvert, people, not things, drain my energy. Thankfully, married a man who gets it, in fact is also an introvert.

@bobufo5729

Жыл бұрын

You work more 18 hours a day? Doubt that you’d gave time to do all that other stuff

@hwright9608

Жыл бұрын

​@bobufo5729 I do most of my list daily, one or two items 3 to 5 times a week. Spend my lunch hour in my car, parked in my work's parking lot, no errands, to decompress. Also, I will stay up after family in bed for alone time. Cheers!

@alexandramatta5663

3 ай бұрын

4:04 😅

This caller is me. I couldve made this phone call. Raising voices/ bad tone/yelling shuts me down. It is frightening to my nervous system.

@ReyaBachmann

2 жыл бұрын

Same

Why is it such a surprise for people to put their spouse before themselves ? My husband cant be there for me when im ill or in need. Selfish boys should stop getting married. Honestly in sickness and in health. Why do they get married ?????

He can hire someone for a few hours a week or her family can help give you a break. It's hard to care for a sick person, and we all need help and support. Join a care givers group. Dude you're not alone feeling this way.

I super appreciate how straightforward Dr. John is while surrounding the callers in empathy. Super helpful!

He can absolutely control his yelling but he chooses not to. You think he yells like a moron when he is in the office?

@AgaKirchner

4 ай бұрын

I think it’s not always that easy. Depending where it comes from, sometimes body takes over and it’s extremely difficult if not impossible to stop, if someone doesn’t have necessary tools. That’s not to say yelling is ok, not at all, the only thing I’m saying is that sometimes the yellers need help too.

@michaelamanus189

10 күн бұрын

My husband does that at home soooo easily but talking to his clients and co workers he is a totally different person even in situations where he needs to be screaming he keeps his composure...so it's totally a choice.

I have a sister who is 100% caregiver for frail husband. I don't know how she handles it. Unless he's sleeping or they're watching TV together, he's demanding her attention. She takes long walks and grocery shops without him, but he'll call her cell while she's gone wanting her to get back home.

@GenXMafia

9 ай бұрын

Been there. 😢

@anthill1510

4 ай бұрын

That`s not a physically frail husband, that`s a tyrant.

@kalindakelly3417

4 ай бұрын

It’s tough being ill also. I’ve had to depend on my husband for outside stimuli/mental stimuli because I haven’t had the energy the last 13 years to drive or walk anywhere. He goes to work and on most days when he gets home, drives me around to get that stimuli. It’s very appreciated. He is finally retiring, so he should get a lot more time. Thankfully I can putter around the house. When you feel badly, you also feel lonely and dependent and scared when they are out f your sight. Weirdly, I do better when he’s at work and I have alone time, but I’m climbing the walls when he gets home. We’re trying to learn to disconnect and at least be in different rooms. Fear can really do a number on you.

@carolgladney9890

29 күн бұрын

I have this, it's draining in every way possible. I want to find a cave in the woods and hide away, sleeping, resting, not doing anything for at least a week

I've been through so much in the last 2 years from loosing my mom to helping my Dad through loosing his legs. I was on a self destructive trip and didn't know how to get out. I eventually moved back in with my grandparents and started reconnecting with my grandmother. It helped so much in getting me off the floor (literally and mentally) and start to move again.

Men NEVER take care of sick women. Ladies, learn from this.

@aneta7027

2 ай бұрын

You're very wrong

@LisaPFrampton

2 ай бұрын

​@@aneta7027that's rare if they're willing to continue to help, serve, love, and remain empathetic. We've been married for 21 years and he resents having to help as much as he has had to.

@JakobPGrau

Ай бұрын

So false!

My husband needs to listen to this. He rarely yells but when he does neither me nor the toddler respond well. It scares us

@tinam761

2 жыл бұрын

I’m sorry this happens… some sort of actions need to take place and probably by you as your husband is unaware at this time how this is affecting the household. Maybe having a purposeful sit down to talk about this and being to his attention in a calm way can help him. I would suggest making it a big, serious conversation. Maybe even write it down, let it rest a day or so, go back over it and then talk. It’s not good for anyone in your family, including your husband to have this going on.

@sackettfamily4685

2 жыл бұрын

@@tinam761 yeah I'm going to talk to him about it soon. He's a wonderful loving husband and just unable to get into the therapy he needs. Our finances are tight and I'm about to give birth. And for having an ace score of 6, he's incredibly well balanced. I still want him to get therapy because he has depressive tendancies.

Really loving you just jumping right into the calls!

I’m six months out from ending a six-year relationship. I ended the relationship from a lot of things and it wasn’t until just now that I realized that his consistent outburst were actually abusive.

For the first caller, in case you happen to see this... It sounds like your wife has Mast Cell Activation. Seriously, look into it. It's an autoimmune disease that you CAN stabilize, I have the same thing. Curcumevail, B Vitamins, Selenium etc could go a long way to healing her. Don't give up and don't stop just with a shot -- she can find healing for this!

@inalaska1208

2 жыл бұрын

Amen

@morganrobinson2559

Жыл бұрын

I was hoping someone had mentioned this because I was thinking the same thing!

@kellyoneill189

10 ай бұрын

​@@morganrobinson2559 yes

@kalindakelly3417

4 ай бұрын

I would really like to know more if you don’t mind. I have high histamine due to Lyme disease. I take a lot of quercitin but would love to heal.

@autumkennedy4133

2 ай бұрын

Came to say this, I have it as well as EDS, POTS and so many more health issues. I will say it’s hard to find truly good drs that understand these complex conditions, I actually just had my first ambulance ride due to anaphylaxis from mcas last week lol. I get hives all the time but that was the worst I’ve had it it got life threatening within seconds from I was ok to full body hives. I hope he sees your comment too because it could make a huge difference in having a Dr who can correctly diagnose her and get her the help she needs.

Sometimes I need some time on my own. Sometimes I need some time all alone. Everybody needs some time on their own. Don’t you know you need some time all alone? Guns N’ Roses

Not being in a relationship doesn't mean living in your Mom's basement and living a sad life. I hear so many callers who are trying to convince themselves that marriage/children make them happy but it's very clear they are VERY unhappy. It makes me sad. And due to their commitments, it's impossible to change without hurting someone. Makes me extremely glad I never bought into the thought that traditional marriage/kids path was for everyone. I'd be miserable, too.

@familydiaz296

Жыл бұрын

He said adulthood means you are 100% always needed . The only place where a man is not needed is in his mother's basement. That's the only thing the doc was saying.

@segsb7085

Жыл бұрын

​@@familydiaz296 exactly, the doc wasn't talking about not being married

@Maelu-op9gf

11 ай бұрын

The guy sounds like he needs to recharge badly. Burn out is no joke

@ceelothatmane9421

9 ай бұрын

You forget that this is a counseling show where people with problems are calling to solve problems. The problems have nothing to do with marriage and everything to do with the people in the marriage and their actions and relationship skills. If you’d be miserable it’s because you’d likely be a bad partner with your self-serving mentality.

@blueseptember2174

9 ай бұрын

This guy won't be happy single or married until he works on his mindset.

OMG the 2nd caller. So relatable. Momma feeling like being in the middle because you can’t “take sides.”

Your wife needs to be checked for Lyme, Mast Cell Activation, Mold exposure, Adrenal Fatique, Hormones checked and her Gut Checked. Western medicine will not check half of these.

1st caller: didn't you vow "in sickness & in health"? Be sure of the sacrifices people before you commit to marriage.

@williambeast8665

4 ай бұрын

It’s seems marriage has no meaning anymore. Also seemed a little “brought to you by Pfizer”😬

Great episode! So many relevant issues. Glad to see the T-shirts are back! :)

John D is so unrelentingly positive 🤗

That's how I become when I do something I hate doing. He is working from home so now everyone hears it. Luckily I am usually away from home. I get so mad doing things I hate. Especially if something breaks down or I try fixing something and can't get bolts out or something stupid like that. Its tough for people who hate their jobs but still do it to provide for the family. He needs a office away from home or changing jobs. Don't take it personal, his life sucks but he does it for his family.

@sherridevries9144

2 жыл бұрын

My husband does the exact things you described :(

@kita3256

2 жыл бұрын

It’s abuse if it’s done in front of family and to family. Even if you don’t mean it. I grew up with a dad like this and it is a life of long haul ptsd.

@HappyDays6058

Жыл бұрын

Agree! Try putting yourself in his shoes before you criticize. Obviously he is struggling.

@debbielockhart7762

8 ай бұрын

​@@HappyDays6058He's a grown up. We don't get to scream at work.

Maybe the first caller could join a caregiver support group.

Who just opened another tab to play "Piano Man?" This gal!

43:43 Wrong, Dr. John. I neither want nor need adult male friends. 45:23 If my wife tried that with insisting on inviting a couple over every Friday, I would always leave the house for the duration. Fortunately, she knows better. Freedom of association includes freedom NOT to associate. I am not lonely.

I really really love this episode

First caller…. Yes you need time off where you are not having to care for others and either you’re cared for or you are only caring for you… I’m in need of that and I finally asked for a 24 hrs off to myself … and it helps … I need at least one a month ….

First caller shouldn't ahve gotten married or be in a relationship to begin with. Once you are in a relationship the other person or your family should be your priority. No more shunning responsibility, you are going to always be needed. Anytime anywhere. Be by yourself if you dont want that.

The woman who has been keeps yelling call John Delony

For the first caller, I echo that supplementation is HUGE. What else is HUGE is diet. Start an anti inflammatory diet (research what that is). Once you understand what that is, purge your house of all food that doesn’t fit with what you’ve learned. Eating this way helps with SO MUCH:Physically, mentally, emotionally. You can find any recipe also what seasonings go best with what meats, veggies, etc. It’ll change your life!

I love that choir song!!

I’m shocked the yelling guy only yells when working….. that he doesn’t do the same with his family when he is stressed.

Honey, I have multiple Autoimmune Conditions as well. Did she not tell you this before you got married? Do you realize she cannot help this? Autoimmune conditions cannot be helped by the person themselves. Each Autoimmune Condition has different triggers, some mold, some stress, some food allergies/sensitives etc. Autoimmune Conditions cannot be cured they can only be managed so this is a long term issue. She NEEDS your love and support. You sound very young to me. This IS marriage, in sickness and in health or you bail.. period. This will happen through your married /life; when a person gets ill, when they have a baby, when your newborn keeps you up all night, when you age, when you spouse get diagnosed with ALZ or Lupus or cancer... and when your spouse is dying....You need to step up

@blueseptember2174

9 ай бұрын

And he might need that help one day himself so he should keep in mind hoe he treats his wife now ❤

Good one!

Delony heals me ❤

My daughter has an auto-immune / inflammatory disorder. Please look into food elimination.

I wished my ex could have shifted his priorities in 37 years.

2nd caller: you married a son-husband 😢😖 it's an interesting phenomenon.

i wish i could go out two nights a week. My wife wont let me go out two nights a year. And i just want to go to my parents house

Ask Allergist about MCAS (can make you very sick and makes you feel miserable and can make you feel insane) 😢

@autumkennedy4133

2 ай бұрын

You’re not alone!💚❤️‍🩹

My soon to be ex of 21 years had the same temper patterns that the second caller explains. My 4 kids and I lived this for years. I used to have to make excuses for him and we would tiptoe around him at those times. Now he has left for his affair partner and the kids are still nervous to upset him or contradict him in any way. It's so sad because they also see him as a loving dad. I no longer live with the knot in my stomach all of life, walking in egg shells around him. I did decide towards the end of the marriage that it was his choice to be unhappy and my choice to keep my children ok.

@user-ke3jw6ps5v

7 ай бұрын

😊

She will regret his friends after taking him to the clubs and doesn't what to come home.

I love working out at home. The gym was only 7 min from my house. But that is 14 min of drive time in good weather that ive saved. Those little bits of time saved sure does help

I learned about you through Dave Ramseys show. :)

37 years he never stopped saying, Jesus Christ! Best best of divorce? Dont have to hear it. My grown daughter texted i JC to me recently and I triggered back to panic, fear and anger, hurt and felt the need to run. All my daughters and myself have auto immunes. Years of this behavior is likely to blame.

First caller: is the wife stressed out, was this a factor into her illness?

a dude yelling in his office by himself is not abuse. That is ridiculous. Doesn't mean he shouldn't work to stop. But this is contorting abuse to a degree that it is left witth no meaning. John you throw "abuse" out like it's candy.

He's not a good guy if he's abusive

What is the husband screaming like Chaz from wedding crashes yelling in a room alone? What does he do for work!!!!? “MOOOOM MEATLOAF!!!!”

Caller #1: Might the wife have Fibro?

Roommate is a economical savy choice, yeah? 😊 🎉

Again John uses leaving as a leverage point.

Welcome to marriage young men 😂😂

".. Man what are you doing here?" La la la la la

Why should his diet/eating well be mentioned for him but not for his wife? You know, the way you eat can heal or kill you. Anti inflammatory diet is key:Do the research.

I will stop yelling at sporting events with the other abusive fans.

Dr. Deloney can you share the name of the author of the book Loneliness, thanks

@flashthecorgi2053

2 жыл бұрын

John T Cacioppo

Ok, I need your help. I listen to you and my bf hates it. He walks out. He pummels me for listening. He hates it.

@MoonFoxSassy

11 ай бұрын

Super healthy… if you stay with him you allow it.

@maribethvance9958

3 ай бұрын

Find a new bf. He will be worse as a husband. Problems compound!

Allergic to something in the new house?

Why is the thought of living in my mom’s basement sounds appealing? 😂 🤔

@lisapope9616

Жыл бұрын

Don't do it.

Why did he get married ???

She will not ever be cured most likely, go into remission and or have flares.

So it’s either marriage (happy or not) or living in your mom’s basement?

The only way to keep a marriage together is to stay apart.

@3roachkidsdhe

Жыл бұрын

Ok….

@sarahalderman3126

Жыл бұрын

I just wish the men and women who believe this 👆would simply NOT get married…

Tick born disease?

4:00 get out!!!! I’ve been supporting a “broken” person and they always need more and always have an excuse. Don’t have kids.

Caller 2 needs a soundproof off site office rental and a younger woman

@wnm8888

Жыл бұрын

Or attend emotional regulation therapy

@floridahomesteader7983

Жыл бұрын

She sounds like a Karen. She needs to put earbuds in and listen to some music.

This yelling guy needs to change job

@debbielockhart7762

8 ай бұрын

He needs to change attitude. I've had awful jobs and never yelled.

He's been on his own too long. 40 and having your first kid I guess it's a shock. By the time I had my first kid I was 27 and had already raised all my nephews and nieces. My child was easier than those other children. Wasn't really a big deal. My husband worked and I shouldered all the child care and breastfed exclusively. I didn't need help other than a few minutes now and then so I could be outside working on some car. I hear so many women asking their husbands for help with the baby. But in my experience until the baby is about 6 months husband was rubbish at watching a baby and it was easier without him. I needed him financial and for physical touch but not for watching the baby. My advice is let your man escape the nursery he's probably making the baby wake up and cry anyway.

@blueseptember2174

9 ай бұрын

I didn't need help either with feeding or nighttime but he did need to change a diaper here or there while we were eating and watch the baby so I could shower sometimes. Maybe bring home takeout some nights.

Why do you want to talk about his mom dieing?

@debbielockhart7762

8 ай бұрын

Because that is reality, and she's living with a 65 year old baby who can't face the fact that "mommy" is going to die. Get real. He is going to completely fall apart when she dies and the caller will be stuck dealing with it.

@vickimerritt2832

4 ай бұрын

Exactly, men are so lame. Maybe his wife wants him to grow up before the caller dies and yet she will be doing all his responsibilities and really have to baby him.

@vickimerritt2832

4 ай бұрын

not sure she needs to give him a stage to perform his Jeckle Hyde acts, how cruel he has been to his wife.

When people are married without God. Life is vain and miserable.

@debbielockhart7762

8 ай бұрын

Oh please...

All of these calls come from Texas and Arizona lol

@vickimerritt2832

4 ай бұрын

Cause being from there John can relate. I have lived here most of my life and southern folks do things different culturally than say New Yorkers,

@jeffyeager1997

4 ай бұрын

@@vickimerritt2832 im in Illinois I've been to the south countless times and your are indeed correct

@vickimerritt2832

4 ай бұрын

@@jeffyeager1997 I have know many people in Illinois and they are more like Texans than east coasters, but the entire culture of a good bit of Illinois is farm folks, ag backgrounds in southern Illinois or used to be not sure now,