Right now, my biggest struggle is, am I IN love with this PERSON or just the routines we've built?

@oshibo

Ай бұрын

I dealt with a similar thing. After the ending of the relationship I realized it def was more the routines and the friendship. There's still a lot of mutual love in that though. honestly at the end of the day, I've always regretted any time I overthink what 'in love" even is. Like it's arguable if two people who are married for 40 years are still "in love". If the relationship makes you feel good and happy, I wouldnt overthink it much. At the end of the day, what is meant to happen will happen. A lot more goes on in our brain then conscious thoughts and I realized I make many decisions subconsciously and any active thought I put towards it didn't rlly end up meaning anything

@bethanygreenwood8259

Ай бұрын

@@oshibo I completely agree with you! The person is just a housemate and ultimately I've decided to just enjoy the company and the routine for as long as we live together and try not to fixate on the inevitable devastation once they leave. 😅 Not worth wrecking the friendship with maybe feelings 🤷🏼‍♀️

Thank you for making this! I’ve noticed that my neurodivergence effects lot just my relationships heavily, but my friendships as well. Making new friends is especially hard for me because people have a hard time understanding me and why I get so irritated sometimes. I had a friend that invited me to something 2 days before it started and did not confirm the time for it until midnight the day of. I still made an effort to leave early to hit Walmart for a couple of extra items, hit 20 minute traffic, and still got to the place on time. About 5 minutes before I pull up, my friend calls and says she is JUST leaving and won’t be there until almost an hour after the agreed start time. It really bugged me and I don’t think she understands why because her and her partner were just giggling on the phone about how they’re late to everything. It made me mad so I went home and I will no longer be meeting them. When I told her I was going home, I could tell it caught her off guard how serious I was about it. But you could at least apologize for running late instead of laughing about it. I’m big on trying my absolute best to be on time for everything. And with my ADHD (I am in the process of being tested for autism as well), I have time blindness, so I have to put in extra mental energy to remember things. People are just so inconsiderate and I can tell little things like these are making me picky. But I feel like when I have a true friend, they would not do something like that to me. I have 2 good friends, but both live in different states. So I’ve been spending a lot of time alone recently. You making these videos makes me feel not so alone. :) So thank you, Irene ❤ p.s- we are totally friends already in my head 😂😂

For me it’s just when people don’t say what they mean or won’t communicate authentically. It’s really stressful to try to figure it out and I literally cannot do it but it feels like others expect me to implicitly.

@slightlycrunchygrass

Ай бұрын

I totally relate to this, and have seen other people experience this problem. It's almost like neurotypical people and neurodivergent people have two completely different ways of communicating. I'm not sure if I'm neurodivergent or just neurotypical and very curious/introspective, but I understand both communication styles and they really just don't mix. Neurotypical people seem to find the very exact and punctual ways of neurodivergent ( especially autistic) communication really weird and unnecessarily exact. On the other hand, to neurodivergent people, neurotypicals communication is confusing and full of hidden meanings that they don't understand. There are genuinely just two different languages going on, finding your people who understand your ways of processing information is very important I think.

@Calbizzle

Ай бұрын

You can’t control what others do only what you do. Learning how to be a good partner and what you want from a partner is key. Don’t accept anything else and you will be happy.

@oshibo

Ай бұрын

Yes thisssss. it's so frustrating. I need everything over explained to me and to a lot of people that comes off as being needy. They don't understand that if they don't communicate, I will be so confused about everythingggggg. It's super stressful

35:20 something I'm learning/struggling with atm with relationships is being super obsessive. This isn't just with romantic partners, it's with whoever I'm closest with at any point in time. I'm constantly aware of what they are doing and I must know all of their routines and where they are at all times, otherwise I don't feel safe/calm. I'm also always over analysing all of my interactions with the person (what did I say, how did I say it, what implications did my words have, what was my body language doing, what could that be interpreted as, vice versa for what they say). It's never an intentional thing, nor is it reciprocated, it just creeps up over time as I get closer to a person. I've been trying really hard to just be comfortable in myself and my own routines without having to use another person as the structure for my entire life. Love your videos, they always provoke alot of thoughts! ❤

Have you ever talked about cognitive processing delays in autism? I struggle with this; and often berate myself, for appearing intellectually challenged, when I’m not. It causes me to seem “spacey” or “not present” and have to ask what they said again; because my brain just didn’t process what I did hear. I hear it, understood it, but didn’t process it the first time. Frustrating.

@Evanthebat15

Ай бұрын

Omg yes!!!! I just discovered as well that having someone mouthing the words for me or signing it helps a lot with being able to process the information. I feel like I am stupid for constantly having to ask if they can repeat what they just said.

@dean1111

Ай бұрын

out of interest, do you what the difference between what you just described and auditory processing disorder is?

Intimacy and physical touch is really hard for me due to my ADHD sensory issues and past trauma. It has caused some road blocks in my romantic relationship (especially with physical touch being an important love language for my NT partner). However he and I have come really far with compromising, communicating and showing each other empathy and understanding. I have become better at giving him physical affection to my comfort levels. He has gotten better at giving me space and not taking it to heart if I am not in the mood or don’t want to be touched. It has also been helpful to sit down with myself and identify what I like and taking that initiative when the opportunity arises e.g choosing to be intimate in the shower as smells and sweat is a huge sensory issue for me. Hearing you give that advice makes me super proud that my partner and I are on the right track and dealing with our differences in a healthy way. We are in a 5 year relationship and have grown closer from working through our differences ❤️

I'm 57, and never had a relationship in my life. For most of my life, I didn't know why I was so different from other people. I only knew that many things were more difficult for me than for other people, and I didn't want to load my problems upon others. Before I discovered autism, for a long time, I thought I was insane . I didn't know what was wrong with me, but I surely didn't want my children to inherit my problems. For these reasons, I never even tried to find a partner. I didn't think I was worth it. My suspicions of autism were confirmed 6 years ago. Recently, I discovered that I also have ADHD and CDS. I still really don't like myself, and I don't think relationships are something for me. But, as always, your video was very interesting. Even if it is impossible for me, I wish you the best for your relationship.

My question is....how can you tell when someone is flirting with you? I find it really hard to tell when someone is just being friendly or when they are flirting with me. For example, I met someone at a concert and we were having a great conversation throughout the whole conversation, they tried signing since I sign and explained its because it helps me with processing, that I am autistic & adhd. In my mind, the way the conversation was going from the person trying to communicate with me in the way I said made me most comfortable, to them even protecting me throughout the concert and even making sure I got into an Uber safely, taking a picture of my phone # and laughing at my jokes makes me believe they were flirting and interesting....but then my intrusive thoughts are like "You are reading this wrong, they are not flirting, they are just being friendly" and they haven't texted me. Does anyone else have problem understanding the process of flirting and romance? It honestly makes me feel depressed and like a waste of space when I see how much I struggle with something that is supposed to be so simple.

@TheLudmilita

Ай бұрын

I have the same issue. I was able to figure out that I thought someone was flirting with me, when actually, they were treating me with respect. It’s sad. When I have this confusion, I put more effort in trying to figure out if the person is flirting with me. For example, this man from work showed his concern when I was clearly feeling stressed. He offered to talk in private about what I was going through. This is the first man who showed me this level of respect. Usually women are the ones who show this type of concern towards someone. So, after my suspicion, I tried to learn more about him and found out he is happily married and expecting his first child. Also, he took a long time to reply my texts when he offered to hear out what I was going through, so this was the key for me to realize he wasn’t flirting. After he listened to the whole story, he told my story to his manager and this manager complained with my manager about the way they were treating me in my team. I was never showed this level of support, like ever, so it’s quite logic that we start to suspect if someone is flirting, since it’s quite normal for neurodivergent people to not be treated with respect.

@mind_palace

Ай бұрын

to add to that, people could be flirting with you, but if you dont reciprocate to their very non-direct way of flirting, they think you rejected them...i would just go with the, hey i really liked ..., and if youre up for it, lets go again sometime. something like that, see how they react. Either be direct with them, or play the game with them. No one ever asked me out, or confessed to me, but apparently they did flirt and the way i reacted in most cases, made them feel like i rejected them, HOWEVER, there are people who will flirt or will show care, but not quite to the point of being intimate, but you can feel the vibe. 2 cases, where they guy showed interest, to the point where everyone else already thought we were dating, but i knew he had a girlfriend and so i just stayed away. See the thing is, my black and white thinking brain is like NOPE THERE IS NO GREY AREA. But to neurotypicals there is. And they do it on purpose, keeping it very subtle so that no one can specifically pinpoint it to anything. It could be the case that someone can also really like you but wont take it too far. You can feel it, if someone has that energy to them, their eyecontact that is a bit too long, and intense sometimes(again some people like the thrill of the potential but wont act on it so it doesnt mean much or supposed to become soemthing serious), or how close someone stands to you, or hiding something and changing their posture suddently😂😂 it should have been obvious at the time but i had no idea plus, the thought of someone liking me was just ridiculous so i just assume no one is interested in me. And even if someone is, it is my mask theyre into not me, which is usually when they also stop being interested anyways.

@TheLudmilita

Ай бұрын

@@mind_palace OMG, you just made me realize who had a crush on me in the past lol. I love these debates.

@KatyaOrlova-jp1gy

Ай бұрын

My only solution to this is dating apps because with all that bad with them at least you both know you're interested.

@oshibo

Ай бұрын

It's confusing bc it's too early to tell n the person wasn't super blunt. Just wait it out and don't overthink - in most cases if someone is rlly interested they will eventually end up being direct about it. Or if you like them then be brave n make a move!

Honestly, the one thing I always struggle with is, what actually is a date? Like, what is the difference between going out and having a nice time with someone you like, and going out on a date with someone you like? I always feel like there is some unwritten rule that differentiates the two, and I have no idea what it is. So I often end up misunderstanding, is this a fun time that we are just having because its fun? Or is this a fun time that we are having that is meant to be signaling romantic interest?

@thethoughtspot222

Ай бұрын

This is such a good question. I’m gonna be thinking on this one. It’s hard to say cause everyone has different desires and social norms so what could be a normal hangout with someone you like could be mistaken as a date by the other. I feel like a date is more intentional in terms of spending “intimate” time together. And intimate doesn’t have to mean physical. It just means it’s more intentional around a deeper bond? Having fun and bonding has its slight differences but both require connection But idk!! I’d love to see other people weigh in on this

@oshibo

Ай бұрын

I think if the person you like has outwardly communicated reciprocated feelings in some way whether they expressed they find you attractive or straight up tell you they like you - then that's definitely a date. But if there hasn't been defined reciprocated interest btwn each person, I would assume it's hanging out. However, ive had ppl take advantage of the ambiguity of a date so be careful. Like some guys ask u out but frame it as "just hanging out" when they rlly want more.

The hardest part is when you’re not sure yours autistic have add bipolar etc and your partner is too old to care or educate themselves and think they’re not helping but hurting you by doing that and you’re not sure either but you know you can only get so close to th without being chastised or over masking.

Thanks for making this video! Would you be at all open to talking about Autism and depression and pharmacology in relation to autism / medicating (not as in a cure for Autism or something like that but specifically in regards to using medication to treat symptoms that those of us with Autism are more prone to, or even holistic ways / how you deal with those things?

This was incredibly helpful! Thank you!!

Omg this is solid advice and I love that you started off the first answer with giving more context! That is music to us autistics ears.. 😪 I loved hearing all of your advice and point of views as it is delivered in a way that I could understand. It’s funny because I am married and not looking into dating at all obviously but I wanted to hear another autistic individual’s point of view on things. We appreciate you & how well worded you are ❤️

You're helping me diagnose myself I'm pretty sure. Thank you ❤️

thank you irene! this video is so wonderful and I hope you make a part two because your advice is so insightful and compassionate. i am personally self-suspecting ASD and go back and forth with self-diagnosing. as a trans man who grew up in a mexican immigrant household, masking was necessary to growing up. i am also certain i fit a PDA profile. my boyfriend of several years has ADHD and it was only within the last year where we are navigating my neurodivergence understanding that it is likely autism. my specific question how can I work through communication issues when I am struggling with shutdowns or bouts of being non-verbal, and especially when I am emotionally activated and cannot get any of my actual words out. It feels very different from a shutdown. As an example, I was upset with him one time and he picked up on it, but I kept denying it, even when my brain was screaming to just tell him! but everything I wanted to say was in my head but the exact opposite would come out of my mouth. I get embarrassed with the fact that this regression happens with someone I love and who feel so safe to communicate with, but ever since being aware of my possible ASD, these specific issues have been happening more often. I hope that makes sense. we're also long-distance right now for another year so the times we do talk can be sparse depending on our schedules. thanks irene!!!

omg yes! thankyou i have been waking up with that instant dread and was trying to figure it out...thankyou for the perspective!

I update my comment because I was too depressed that day lol but I was not seeing things as they really are...

@RowenJ420

Ай бұрын

Im in the same boat and I feel you.

@lucietiragesdoraclesetspir5512

Ай бұрын

@@RowenJ420 😘

@oshibo

Ай бұрын

I can't speak to your exact situation bc I don't personally know you, so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt. sometimes bc of the struggle to think black/white, we experience some rejections from a few people n then assume everyone thinks the same as those ppl n in turn kinda project on others our insecurities which only causes them to actually reject us. I think it's impossible statistically that you're boring and annoying and not funny to everyone. I think the key is practicing self-love and authenticity and it inevitably makes the right ppl drawn to you. I need to take my own advice too LOL.

@lucietiragesdoraclesetspir5512

Ай бұрын

@@oshibo Yes I think you are right. Not all people are the same .

So helpful thank you! 😊

Bro I forgot to submit my question 😭 I feel like that meme of Bart being choked. To clarify, I’m Bart and my ADHD is Homer Simpson chocking me 😭

@qayathetruestepper

Ай бұрын

This is so real 😭🤣

@thethoughtspot222

Ай бұрын

Leave your question in the comment section! I might get to it if I make a pt 2

@artistgurl789

Ай бұрын

Bro me too 😭

@RambleMaven

Ай бұрын

@@thethoughtspot222 I hath made my comment 🫡

@RambleMaven

Ай бұрын

@@artistgurl789 We in this together 🤣🤣

When I broke up I was feeling fine being single and all But Now I've been feeling depressed to find somebody and I've been going to every dating app to find someone. But it's not worth it It's not easy to find Somebody It is pretty hard to go on relationships

My Question: I feel like my co-worker is putting out flirtatious vibes. On Friday, he asked if I had a gaming console and I told him I have a switch. He said “ok, I’ll give you my number and I’ll send you my friendship code”. It’s Monday and although we have been talking he hasn’t sent the code which leads me to believe he was flirting??? Problem is I don’t know for sure and because my brain is result oriented to a degree I getting anxiety because I don’t know for sure so I don’t know what protocol I’m supposed to be following. Is he a friendly coworker? Is he just trying to be my friend? Is he trying to get to know me to see if he’s interested in me romantically?? I would act differently in all three scenarios!! The last one (romantic) I would be the most open and the first (coworker) being the scenario with the most boundaries. How does one deal with the anxiety of not knowing? Is there a way that you know to figure things out without an awkward aftermath? 😭 this is what I’d like to know.

@visionvixxen

Ай бұрын

The hardest part about it all is spoons and your energy level like I’m so much sure of mine is bipolar, rapid cycling or all of the above, but it’s so hard to balance having a social life friendship and literally knowing if you’ll be able to do something one day or notyou literally need everyone to know that could be your mood or energy

@jdsummers1333

Ай бұрын

Omg been there - I suck at knowing when I’m genuinely being flirted with (unless the person is super forward about it). Since you don’t know for sure and you’re wanting to hopefully ease some anxieties - maybe go with “casual friend” for now? Then if it turns out it is something more, you could then sit down and re-establish new boundaries?

What are your thoughts on 4B from a neurodivergent perspective? Personally I like 4B because of my personal experience with dating men and the state of the US in terms of women’s rights.. this is a huge can I worms! As a neurodivergent person I don’t date because I don’t feel safe with the current dating scene.

Well at the age of 18+ didnt really think about relationship. Then a time of not really meeting people. But this year i try online dating will see how it goes. At least i am more active

I am putting this out there. I tried a dating coach. I wasn't a fan of what she said because she said I needed to lead more. I get men are told to be leaders, and I can do it, but not immediately. My philosophy is interpendence. I want to work with my partner, not be her navigator. The idea of dating feels like a job interview, but there aren't many opportunities to see people regularly, so destiny instead of cultivation is my only option. I'd say I'm probably the least autistic in the comments, but I have my moments.

@tlamelangmasemola

22 күн бұрын

you are either autistic or you're not, you can't have 'moments' of autism

Hey Irene, hope the recovery has been smooth. Can you have cheese ? Go out to some Brazilian shop or.reataurant and get some Pão de Queijo :)

Hi Irene ❤ Butter is delicious! Loved this video topic!

@thethoughtspot222

Ай бұрын

🧈😊

How to meet someone when small talk is difficult and expressing interest is difficult to express in a way understandable to a neurotypical person. Personally I can’t tell most of the time when someone is actually flirting or how to express my interest/attraction in a healthy way- often I’m too blunt or get described as ‘creepy’.

Apart from certain things I want on display, I need everything put away and not in my view because it’s so overwhelming my brain just make a subconscious effort to zone it out and I find myself tired and can’t figure out why, until I realise too much visual clutter.

@thethoughtspot222

Ай бұрын

Yeah it’s always such a balance to be neat & organized but also create a system that works for you without getting overwhelmed

@visionvixxen

Ай бұрын

Two me also and it’s amazing because everyone I live with seems to love the clutter. My mom throws everything out where she can see it in a mess unorganized and I don’t need that it changes location constantly boyfriend is that kind of the same generation but love a lot of paraphernalia and decoration and patterns and a feral garden with overgrowth. He just finds coziness in all the stuff and I was OK with his place when he first moved in but now I want to run out of as soon as I want to run out of my parents as well Promise, but in mode since I don’t like to call people and have visitors, and if my significant person’s not there pretty soon, I go to sort of social inertia and feel like I’m in a vacuum and then it’s weird. My energy goes down and I just get disconnected from the world, so I found out that that’s not very good for me either but total privacy with the option to seeing my other person who’s usually very welcoming be the ideal and I tried that out with my parents with my partner if he gets irritated, he might be in the spectrum too, but he doesn’t know it and knows very little about himself so it’s just hard

@visionvixxen

Ай бұрын

That saying sucks the sex thing sucks because the only times I’ve had sex with rape outside of marriage and I’ve never been able to be Noor, diverse or autistic and be appreciated. So part of me now hates giving myself away to a partner that doesn’t get and mocked me and refuses to validate the real me on top of that I’ve never been able to put in a tampon so there’s something going on there and the gynecologist said it’s fine but it’s a problem and on top of that menopause where the beginnings of it have made things a lot worse so The other thing is issues like SSRI make my spinach, hairy legs make it itch being overweight or not. Perfect makes me uncomfortable. The pressure of it makes me uncomfortable having to tell the person to back off. Makes me uncomfortable. There’s so much that I just wish was written in the book and at the same time is supposed to be a spontaneous act so at the end of the day, it’s just irritating and exhausting and if I do it to the other person, don’t crime against yourself very strange

I’m the opposite. I know everything that I have often times I want to get rid of things, but I can’t stand seeing them. It’s like clutter from my brain and I just want everything to be in this place or out of my visual field.

I just wanted to add to the dating bit. Maybe I'm just really 'old fashioned', but why are we 'dating' strangers in the first place? This never used to be a thing, and obviously that's even more awkward for people like us. I can imagine some saying, 'Then how are you supposed to get to know someone?' Well, I would reply by being a FRIEND. Hell, an acquaintance, they are lucky to have that, when they are a bloody STRANGER, you know? Think about how insane this actually is. Use logic. I don't date strangers. I get to know a platonic acquaintance, and then IF I develop feelings for them, THEN, and only then are we dating. It's that simple. Make it easier for ourselves. Take the pressure off. Be clear with boundaries right from the start. We don't owe strangers anything at all, they have to earn that. Don't end up in bad situations. I really don't care anymore what anyone else thinks. I spent many years wasting my time trying to fit in after being terrorised as a child. And all of it led to just my suffering. No more. I'm not trying to sound bad, but I do not advise trying to have NTs in our lives as the default, or to just have people in our lives that we are so different from, because we think that is what we have to deal with, as we are in 'their' world so to speak. We need to focus on establishing a circle of like minded people. Every single time, and despite all the progress that has been made about neurodivergent awareness, and rights, we are forever trying to fit in. And this also despite the fact we talk about not needing to fit in. If I'm being honest, that is still mostly what I see our community doing, and it's sad....WE DO NOT NEED TO FIT IN. We do not need to 'compromise' to appease other people, including a partner. We do not need to sacrifice ourselves, and our needs in order to have relationships with other people. I can hear other people saying things here like, 'Well, we cannot always get along with others that are not the same as us.' or 'We have to learn to get on with all kinds of people, and them with us.' True, but hear me out. If we are with the RIGHT Person, that doesn't matter anymore. We will have the same kinds of needs, and be on the same page, and instead of this constant energy spent trying to accommodate this, or that, and the potential battles, or worse, instead, you can have harmony. Imagine that. Does our community think we don't deserve that, or....? Because I'll be honest, I hear over and over again, mostly from females, that they have to do things to make their partners happy, and honestly, this seems rather r*pey to me....I mean hey, if you are in a relationship with someone really different, and you are making it work, and you are truly happy, great. Or maybe even, you are with someone really different, and they are a rare one who is happy for you to just be YOU, and they don't expect anything else from you. So great. BUT I don't as a general rule, think this is a good idea, or that it works for most autistic people. I'll say what I told another person who had questions about what is the right thing to do- Nevermind other people's 'rules', make your own. It doesn't matter what they are doing, or thinking, or expecting. You have to do what is only comfortable for you. We are always wasting our energy trying to fit in, meet their expectations, and do something 'right'. To hell with that. We can do whatever we want that works for us. It's simple, if they don't like it, >>>>they don't have to be in our lives,

@jacobsoto7228

Ай бұрын

It's hard to find a friend to date since I am long out of school and people I meet may not be there tomorrow.

@lucyanderson9064

Ай бұрын

@@jacobsoto7228 It is harder than ever to find friends full stop yeah....even still, it's far better to wait it out, then to try to date all these strangers who expect things from you, or even potentially put you in danger. Wait, what do you mean by might not be there tomorrow though?

@jacobsoto7228

Ай бұрын

@lucyanderson9064 Well, let's say you frequent a running group and you meet this person who is new. She may not be there tomorrow, so if you do not act fast what will happen?

@lucyanderson9064

Ай бұрын

@@jacobsoto7228 If you are really determined, you can ask to hang out, as just a friend. What's wrong with that?

Watching as an Aromantic person 🎉😅

20:14 Enneagram 2 type ego struggles within the words of this question.

Can you talk about how do you know whether your stuff is new as divergent stuff or whether it’s actually bipolar or rapid cycling sorry about the spelling error I’m just dictating, but I’m still trying to figure that out. Psychiatrist and psychologist said he thinks a lot of it he doesn’t diagnose anymore, but a sensitive brain and I don’t really need to be on any medication yet, sometimes I find my energy solo and so variable that I can’t function in this world and I’ve had a Neuro evaluation but not necessarily diagnosed with ADD or autism, but I haven’t been for autism and I was on a lot of medication when I got that out and I’m great at masking and pretending also I’ve been diagnosed with ADD and started with. I guess I always had low energy and the disconnect and self very different with my processing from childhood. I’m very to change and lives like leaving places I had difficulties engaging anyways I don’t know. I’m still trying to figure this out and I’m not going back into relationships or jobs and I just I don’t have it in me. I don’t know what I am and I must be going through depression for the past year, but also worried about where to go. That actually knows how much money it’s gonna cost and they take advantage of the will there be something at the end of it to show for it like all of the stuff it’s like it’s really I don’t know. I just wanna get to the other side cause I’m not really living my life right now, just very sad and around me is disgusted by it. I’m telling so.

Relationships I truly wish I don’t wanna say diagnosis, but there is a way to sell out partners who would understand that you’re not normal and not I think it’s crazy or weird to have a book that’s a manual to you and system for working things between the two of you and of course you wanna micromanage but once you figure those things out Especially if you have a forgetful partner back to them till they get it straight for example maybe you take out the garbage and do something else but you set up like a recycling and another garbage and that’s what you like to do and they just need to know that or you know just know that you like to prep or creep Things like that at night and not drink daytime so yes, they can ask you to do it, but you need to volunteer to do it when there may be something else you rather do and they need to respect but they don’t do it exactly the way they do becauseunless they diagnose and they know you’re not making stuff up of things requires a third-party like a counselor or someone to set up is like a business operating manual and once it’s done becomes a lot easier discussions for things recognize differences come up with a solution agreed to it and then keep it that is so important otherwise your relationship will be over because it’s exhausting or they’ll be gaslighting or disappointment without understanding. All of this is so so important.

I wish at least one of the answers was about going on dates part of dating. I'm happy for people who's already in relathionship but I'm strugling with a first step here and would appreciate any advice.

@thethoughtspot222

Ай бұрын

Oooo will pay more attention to this one in the next video! If anyone wants to add more questions in regards to this topic leave it in this comment thread please 🙏🏻 & be as specific as you can about the scenario/ giving me context (it helps me a lot)

@KatyaOrlova-jp1gy

Ай бұрын

@@thethoughtspot222 Thank you! Personally I struggle with several things. 1. How to flirt? I understand you sort of have to joke but also show your interest and I'm trying to do it. But usually I overstep somehow because people end conversation abruptly and I don't know what I did wrong. Also I have people who I was trying to flirt with never noticing it and people who I never was flirting with thinking I was. That's confusing too. 2. How to establish boundaries without being perceived as rude especially if I don't always know my bondaries been new to all of this? I'm so afraid to be perceived as rude I overcompensate and agree with everything. 3. I never had sex before, now I feel I'm ready but at the same time I don't want to have sex with a person I bearly know so how to communicate it to my dates and not scare them off? In general it feels there are so many unspoken rules in dating I don't know about and people judjing me for not folowing these rules without me even realising it and all of this is very overwelming.

@lucyanderson9064

Ай бұрын

@@KatyaOrlova-jp1gy Nevermind other people's 'rules', make your own. It doesn't matter what they are doing, or thinking, or expecting. You have to do what is only comfortable for you. We are always wasting our energy trying to fit in, meet their expectations, and do something 'right'. To hell with that. We can do whatever we want that works for us. It's simple, if they don't like it, they don't have to be in our lives, and it's their loss, not ours. We need to find our tribe, and stop wasting our time trying to mesh with people so different from us.

What if I have learned to have zero needs.

Sexual things unfortunately.