40 + Swedish woman here. When my father was home on parental leave with me all those years ago he was punished at work. When my son was born my husband had no problem with parental leave and work. Our work-culture has adapted to it. If our son takes parental leave he would be 3:rd generation dad to go on leave.

😂❤I wonder how many patio building projects and home renovations, new kitchen, wallpaper or painting new fathers have planned for parental leaves, that did not get started, just a heap of materials somewhere until much later ...

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

Good question!

@lenasoderberg2583

18 күн бұрын

i wonder how many of those projects go to nothing when they realize kids is kids. It is hard work

@DanielSjostrom

16 күн бұрын

@@lenasoderberg2583 I had tons of plans for my paternity leave - none completed, besides spending all time awake with my son :)

@Gert-DK

16 күн бұрын

Or hunting trips for elg. 🙂

@PLF...

16 күн бұрын

all that went out the window once they got married mate

My wife was home a year, then I was home a year with our son. Amazing times. :)

Great to hear your experience of your parental leave. So good that you also got more understanding of the non paid job a lot of women all over the world have been and still are doing taking care of the kids and homes. And that you put your light on that here on KZread. Respect! 👍

I get that for a lot of the swedish parents in the comments, being on parental leave is the norm. So I appreciate how humble you are in this experience and realize that you are still learning to think like this as a father. There is nothing wrong with growing and admitting that you are growing.

3? I took 9 with zero shame. Best time of my life!

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

Chill out man. I'm just trying my best to be like you guys lol

@asfaltsbarnett9629

10 сағат бұрын

9? I took 12...

I have been a single dad with full custody since the kids were 1 and 5. During this time i have studied to be an engineer and had 10 years of working experience in that field. Now they are 19 and 15. The 19 year old just got their first full time job and graduates in a couple of months. It has been hard but you will get into it after a while. Free time is a luxury commodity.

@samhartford8677

20 күн бұрын

Yeps. That's because our Scandinavian systems are tailored for women to work, but had you not had free/cheap day care, safety for kids to be able to walk or take public transport on their own etc. etc., it would have been a very different story.

@thedryparn1279

20 күн бұрын

@@samhartford8677 Maybe, i would still have managed in some way.

@ane-louisestampe7939

19 күн бұрын

Single Dads are all heroes. Where as single Mums are seen as trash trash: I got a comment telling me that "children of single Mums are not normal" 🙄

My wife took 9 month perantal leave, then I took 4. Then we splited the rest 4 months. work 2 days/p.leave 3, work 3/p.leave 2 and so on. That was perfect for our family and job-wise. (I´m a swede I will say so we got 80% of the income)

Your wife isnt gonna TRICK you?? You mean you would just leave her with EVERYTHING?? parents help each other equally! You are equally skilled to do it. You should have taken half of the days. 🥳 welcome to Sweden!! 😂😂

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

Its still new to me and it was a learning process

@carolinebergh4126

18 күн бұрын

@@Lexxinswedenvelkommen til verden og år 2024. Du har valgt å få barn, involver deg når du har mulighet. Ta deg sammen!

@ricebeansrockroll882

18 күн бұрын

Yeah, huge jikes.

@elisaa9981

Күн бұрын

@carolinebergh4126 Normally, I would agree with you, but this was just a very nasty and uncalled personal attack. *_You_* get a grip.

I took 9 months paternity leave with each of my 2 daughters about 14 and 12 years ago. Best time ever!

Took my full 240 days paternity leave with my son. Great days bonding and nessesery to be able to learn all the things all mothers learn while nursing. And by the way - A real man can do all things men do…and the things women do too.

@witten1239

12 күн бұрын

Äntligen en vettigt kommentar

@niclaslindman

4 күн бұрын

Exactly 👍

Not me reading Ölxäv and wondering where it is in Sweden before realizing the video is mirrored. 😂

We just got the dad-leave in Denmark about a year ago. Before it was 6-12 months for the mother only, and the dad just got 14 days right after birth. My husband really wanted to stay home with our babies, but it wasn't possible back then.

I love your video, very sharing 🤩 both generous in a humorous way, and strategic advice. My best parental leave hack (I have 4 kids) is to take care of yourself first, then your kids - I agree with what you said about sleep. I napped in the middle of the day together with my kids in order to thrive. Some days, several hours. I still love to nap. Nowadays alone 😅 my youngest is 10 years old. Good luck with parenting 🍀

As a Swede watching this, I’m definitely glad both parents here get parental leave but mostly I’m a little chocked that parents in the US don’t always get parental leave at all. I also don’t really understand why the citizens don’t demand it when almost every other western country has it to varying degrees

What you forgot to say is that you have to take minimum 3 months as those can’t be past to the other parent. So it isn’t your wife ”tricking” you, it’s a question about either you take the months or your kid get less time home with a parent (unless you pay for it your self).

@frankastisk

2 күн бұрын

Det är väl 60 dagar som är öronmärkta för pappan. Eller har de höjt till 90? Min son är 14 så det kan ju ha ändrats.

@felucca

Күн бұрын

@@frankastisk Ja, det ändrades rätt nyligen till 90.

@frankastisk

Күн бұрын

@@felucca Vad bra! 👍🏻

What you learn on parental leave: if your kid goes to sleep early, they wake up early. If the kid goes to sleep late, they still wake up early.

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

This comment is 🪙

@birgittae9046

Күн бұрын

🤣😅

"You should be greatful" Mate, we fought for our rights. Employers didn't just give us parental leave or 5 week vacation out of the kindness of their heart. We fought for it, we are still fighting. Once we get 6 hour work days that will be because we made that happen too, not some divine gift we should just sit down and be greatful for.

@QueenMegaera

17 күн бұрын

Depends on the direction of the gratitude. We should be grateful to previous generations of workers rights-activists, not to the employers. It's easy to just take everything we have now for granted, and forget that it could get worse, but also that it could get better. As you say, the fight goes on and on.

@mattiasautio559

17 күн бұрын

25% moms, 20% arbetsgivaravgift. 30-35% gross tax on income. Thats 70% of our labor gone to the state. They owe us more than this.

@sunseeker8457

16 күн бұрын

Chilli man. Very angry!!!

@user-ob8ue4us4c

2 күн бұрын

Was going to comment the same. It was earned by political movement and not given by a far removed group of politicians, we are “proud of” not “grateful” because we stand together and not individually. 😂 We have all the right to get heated. Imagine if you told a French person they should be thankful that the royals allowed them to hold protests, gave them freedom and let them call it a revolution.

@andorifjohn

Күн бұрын

Bitch we can still be grateful! And the fighting wasn't that bad compared to some countries! (not that it wasn't bad at times but at least the USA didn't invade us and install a puppet government)

Well, Lexx, welcome to the club.... I think the main trick is not having to darn detailed plans, being able to improvise.... And keep tracks of toilets and your kids behavior like if they need extra energy or a moment of calmness, etc. to get along in good spirit. BUT I am a bit older and things have changed in Sweden. I was pappaledig in the early 90's, and - working in a Swedish large bank, I lost my manager position, and had to start over in a sense when coming back. This is different today, both for women and men.

very nice tips here for a day with small children. Prepare for the next day. Totally agree, it's a god damn vacation to go back to work after pappaledig 🙂

lol, with my first it was like a vacation for 7month P-leave, and with the second (6month P-leave), the first was like 2.5y and it was a whole other playground with both , but so worth it :) and still now at 4 and 6y olds i often go to sleap at 21:30 jsut to get good sleep :)

@stefanformgren4978

16 күн бұрын

and as you say , prepping for next day is good

I was home with my youngest son for 12 month and kept my job then 🇸🇪👍 1995-96👌🇸🇪

Hey! Happy to hear you are managing your föräldraledighet like a champ

I remember when I had my first kid the first 2 weeks I did not get dressed until the afternoon (need to say that I had severe complications and was very sick..)remember that the bvc came every day to check and I was not dressed. But after a few weeks I decided to organise my self and started to clock everything, that made my day. On the exact minute he got his meals and activities and I can say that was a hit, no hungercries, no extra trouble, i could go shopping with no cries. I did not force anything on him, just followed his own schedule and on top of that was no more crying in bed and he (and later his brother also) he or his brother later on never woke up during the night unless they where sick. I did not have the ”normal” parenral leave (was not getting payed) so I was workin 8 pm to 2 am every weekday…It was 34 years ago.

Interesting to hear about your experience! It sure can be exhausting being home on parental leave. As you said, you really need to plan the next day for it to run smooth. You need to have routines figured out and have a plan for lunch and snack. Otherwise the day just come crashing down. I was also on leave during Covid and it was so lonely. I really missed meeting other adults. I mean its hard to find time to hang with friends or have meaningful interactions with other parents anyway. But it was just really hard. My first time home it was still hard because you have different routines than your friends because the kids have different needs. And even if you meet up in a park, you cant really finish a whole conversation. You almost only have time for small talk between tending to kids or feeding their play with fantasy or interaction. One awesome hack i came up with was to get a hammock. During summer i could put the smallest kid to sleep for 1-1,5 hours without the need to bring a trolley, so i could bike with the kids wherever. It made us more mobile and let us stay out in the park or on the beach the whole day while at the same time giving the kid some quality sleeptime. I basically just needed a plan for lunch. Even if it was a lot of work, it gave us a lot of good times!

BTW parental leave isnt something that somehow magically just manifested itself. It has taken a lot of hard work for many years by the labor unions and by pressure from ordinary people, politicians etc. You can achieve that as well in the US :)

Yup, it's exhausting and also it made me realize that I have no social network outside work. I was ALONE. And I took three months when my daughter was 6 months old. I was supposed to take 6 months but after 3 I went back to work because I was going insane. Not because of my daughter, but because I had no adults to talk to during the days. Everyone was either at work or busy with their own families. So while pappaledighet in general is a great thing, it really depends on lots of different factors.

yup, a bit of planning and routines can make life alot easier...

Great content. I've been here for 39 years and still trying to get used to it

I hope you have a new aopreciation for your partner and that the time off have you an understanding of the importance of support and shared labour at home

In the US some tech companies have pretty good parental benefits. Have friends at google where both got 6 months paid leave each with their child. Think Spotify have fairly decent benefits as well.

stop saying we should be grateful, we are the state. we vote for these policies and pay taxes for them, we do this on purpose. I'll give you that we should be grateful to previous generations who started building the welfare state we have. but all of this is continued by the citizens of Sweden. compare it to a resturant, if you pay for food and get food, you are not grateful you are content. If you dont get food, you are pissed of. Taxes is payment for the services the state provide, the state need to provide these services or face the consequences. At the same time, i do feel fortunate to be born in Sweden. Edit: Sorry for the tone, keep up the good work. its just a pet peeve of mine with how we view the state.

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

Understandable.

Welcome to parental leave, it can take a toll on any parent 😁 Especially the lack of conversations with other adults. Personally I learned it helped me a lot to always have more than one plan for the day. I had plan A, B, and C. So if A didn’t go as planned, I went to B etc. Guess I am a bit of controlfreak…

Jobbit! Lets hope this reaches some American and you see some change for the better over there.

I've been pappa ledig twice, for 6-8 months each time, interesting times. Its funny, i didn't sleep much during this time, maybe 4.5 hours per night. Kids are more grown now but i sleep maybe 5 hours now, just find that i don't need that much sleep, even while working as an engineer

That is why our taxes are higher here. We prioritize parenting the kiddos. It also helps to blow the myth of “vacation with kids” right out of the water😅😂😂 Föräldraledighet is tough!

You sound like a great dad - and I bet your wife is pleased too

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

This Comet is gold. Thank you for that

Its true, planing is the key to a niece day whit the kids😂

Happy you are here and got the chance you wouldn't have in some other countries.

A month is not enough time to heal after birth. If you are lucky it's 6 months to a year but most times it takes roughly 2 years. But there can also be permanent damage. Thus the Swedish pappaledighet is both to make sure you have a real connection to your kids and the skills to do at least 50 percent of the work as you are equally responsible for the care of the kids and if necessary a 100 but also the explicit goal is to make sure that the mom has help that critical first ten days and afterwards ( in order to take care of the baby and her) where it's very easy to crack open again and have permanent damage and where lifting stuff can be really bad as well as take a or more longer spells to trade off the responsability. Be aware that if the mom has medical problems after the birth it can be good thing for her to take sickdays whilst the partner takes parental leave doing the household and baby work as much as possible ensuring that she heals better. Sidenote as there is a cultural difference here most employers expect you to be responsible as a parent and take your full parental leave if you do not that is seen as negative and can harm your career in the long run and future as you make clear that you cannot handle work and children as a dad. In Sweden the culture is more your primary responsibility is your family and that means being there for them in the flesh, that includes taking days off for vård av barn ie because they are sick and not letting them go to daycare or school whilst being sick staying at home with them. It's also very badly viewed going to work sick especially with infectious disease both by employers and co- workers as that means you are not in solidarity with the company or your co- workers, being irresponsible (this was actually already the case before covid) ps. A trick for extra sanity points during this period for both of you can be getting a service that does housecleaning- part of that can be deducted from both of your's taxes - start with the person who makes the most money . Talk to the firm about you wanting to use RUT - avdrag.

And you can use your parent leave in rwo ways. 7 days pay a week or 5 days a week. So 48 weeks per parent or 34. Enjoy!

@felucca

Күн бұрын

The first year of the child's life you don't actually have to take out any days at all. That would give you 0 money, of course, but if you could afford it you could save every single day of parental leave until the child is 1+ year old.

My grandma and grandpa had 14 kids!!!!! Of course, no parental leave then. But imagine!

I am so greatful and proud of our system. AND I work for the government and I get 20 % extra on the salarybased days.

I took 12months leave with my little girl, and a bit less with my son, if it feels like a chore you are doing it wrong, it is easy

how young is the baby when the parents drop it off at daycare in the US? or do most have a babysitter?

@Lexxinsweden

13 күн бұрын

We have baby sitters in the states

Hi. We dont get those days for free, we pay them with our taxes. 🙂 I'll ve home a little over a year with my first child when he arrives later this year.

Me and my sambo split the time straight down, so I was home with our kid the whole 240 days. It was awesome, tiring of course, but awesome. Btw; if you have another kid, you’re legally required to be pappaledig for three months, that’s the minimum and can’t be given to the other parent.

@Lexxinsweden

16 күн бұрын

Wow didn't know that

@annalundquist7247

Күн бұрын

@@Lexxinsweden You are not legally required, but that money is earmarked for each parent. If you don´t take those three months you don´t get that money.

Only managed 20 of projects I planned in PL . Full respect single parents

@Lexxinsweden Here is a PRO tip from me when the kid just need to go right away (pee)... Just go to a bush or a tree and let it "rain" =) It's perfectly normal, and everyone has done it at least a few times in their life.. It's not forbidden or anything like that.. So just water the plants, and move on 😄

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

With both kids. How is this possible?

@Perisa79

20 күн бұрын

@@Lexxinsweden You can ask someone there that looks nice to hold an eye on the other kid. Or just put one kid on your shoulders. 😃

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

@@Perisa79 would be nice but I think that's very hard as an American to do that.

@coconutfleetsleeper5717

20 күн бұрын

Hehe, I was taught to take a piss in whatever shrubbery was available at a very young age😂😊

@chalphon4907

20 күн бұрын

@@Lexxinsweden Just bring both kids with you, the one that does not pee can just wait next to you for a quick tinkle of their sibling. If the kids are younger than maybe seven, no one would care a flippety flopp about it.

Um, Sweden is far from alone as regards providing "ample" parental leave -- all the Nordic countries do. As do other European countries. The USA is the only so-called industrial country that, practically speaking, offers nothing (well, maybe a few weeks here or there, well, that's nothing). There is nothing for Swedes, or any other European, to be grateful about, the people have spoken and the governments have listen. Uncle Sam is totally deaf.

However, you are not allowed to have föräldraledigt when your kids are at school or pre-school. Than Försäkringskassan will force you to pay everything back.

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

I am well aware of that

Now you know what your wife did all day when you were at work 😂

If you choose to have the video mirrored, maybe you shouldn't have text in the background… 🤣

Did you ever see the series "Welcome to Sweden” and the Jack Black episode? “Jag är pappaledig!"

If you’re someone who learn from your mistakes, the second time around is alot easier.

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

Yep

3 months is nothing, I had my parental leave (Pappaledigt) for 9 months, while my wife was working 😎

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

I'm a rookie learning from you vets so please give me a break on the comments with lol

Being a parent is not an easy job. Women really should be appreciated more. It's not an easy job being there for the kids. Our own aspirations in life will have to come second to the kids needs.

My employer gives me an additional 10% which means 90%

@chalphon4907

20 күн бұрын

same, a lot of employers in Sweden actually does this.

How do americans deal with toddlers after that first month of "vacation" if they even get that. They can't leave them home alone at that age, so they all hire nannys?? this seems so strange to me

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

As as of lately there's been a lot of cases where some people just leave their kids at home and some of their kids end up dead or get reported to the police while these kids are left at home

@debrickashaw9387

20 күн бұрын

@@Lexxinsweden Insane

ONE month? But what do you all do with your infants after that single month???

First rule using a camera: No frog perspective

@Lexxinsweden

16 күн бұрын

Love it

The same for us mums eller hur?😊

I really don't get it? It is not THAT hard, I got 4 kids and my experience was that it is mostly boring due to lack of grown up conversations during daytime 😂. Otherwise it is like every other work, some days are easier than others. You can make your own schedule over the day and I think you gain much if you are able to lower your expectations and don't put so much pressure of being a perfect parent. Just be a normal, half lazy mom or dad and it will be awesome ❤

How did 240 days become 3 months? 🤔

@nilov71

20 күн бұрын

You don't need to take all 240 days at once. I think you can use them until the child turn 12 years old.

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

Only took 3 months out of 240 days

@uniquename111

20 күн бұрын

@@Lexxinsweden Dude what is your problem? Parental leave can be used up to the child is 12 years old. You can even split the days. Each family decide what works for them and how they will do it, not some random guy on the internet.

@reallivebluescat

20 күн бұрын

@@uniquename111 rude

@uniquename111

20 күн бұрын

@@reallivebluescat Are you suggesting that a random guy on the internet have a say in your person choice of family life?

Er ikke poenget med pappaledig å tilbringe tid med barna dine? Og fortsatt er fokuset ditt på karriere…. Du er mye av grunnen til at likestilling står på stedet hvil når det gjelder menn og samvær med barn

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

Yes my focus is to spend time with the kids. That's why I took the 3 months in the first place because I wanted to know what it feels like to take care of the kids and actually fully spend time with them

If you left kids in school/kindergarden then its not as hard as if they are home and restless all the time 😂

@Lexxinsweden

20 күн бұрын

I agree but the days they were off from school

@chalphon4907

20 күн бұрын

Exactly, if you dont have any kid at home with you, then it is not really parental leave at all. It's just you dropping them of at school and picking them up later. One of You would still have to do that even if You are both working.

Not so impressive when you realize those 80% are'nt 80% unless you earn practically nothing. With my salary I get around 35%.

Pappaledig but sending the kids to school? I'm lost...........

@Lexxinsweden

16 күн бұрын

I am studying as well

USA has this aura of being a "family value"-driven country, but is it not?

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

That's because they brainwashed us to believe that we can have all of these things if we work hard, but if we continue to work too hard. We won't have time to spend with our families and I think that this is a distorted image upon all of us

You can't send your Children to school when you're on pappa ledig b'cos it's not allowed.

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

I was studying in school online and that's why I could have

@DemiCape

16 күн бұрын

Eh you can’t? Never heard of that, I think it is a stupid rule if that is the case. They have to get to school somehow… Like what if the wife doesn’t have driving license? What if you live in basically the forest so there is basically no public transport? Yeah you must have the ability to drive your children somewhere…

We pay for it with our tax - so it is not for free ! A good model though for everybody !

Today's Mums are comparing them selves to their home going Mums of the good old days. Today's Dads are comparing themselves to their Dads, who were ever so busy making money.

Greatful? We pay tax for it!

@lennartandersson75

18 күн бұрын

yes, and we should be grateful for it!

@vansting

18 күн бұрын

@@lennartandersson75 well its a right, we still pat for it

@Lexxinsweden

17 күн бұрын

Yes I understand. But in the United States we pay taxes and don't get half of the things we pay for. So that's why I said many people should be grateful

@henrikjohansson9701

16 күн бұрын

Yes, very grateful we can offer this to all parents and children. Makes the society much better.

😂😂 so you lived in Lala-land and woke up in reality. Funny

@Lexxinsweden

16 күн бұрын

Yes I needed that

70% in taxes here as well! Dont forget that, stop spending others people money on your stupid ideas 😊

@elrioto

11 күн бұрын

no

Parent leave....only if you "in the system" Thus full time job.... If NOT ....your TOAST!