Cheating AND addiction. Run pretty lady, run. Save yourself or he will drown you.

So he has addictions and he cheats? I think the choice is pretty clear

@l-train7876

11 ай бұрын

She knows that. She needs helping dealing with the guilt.

Addict and cheating? My goodness leave yesterday!

She is not a coward. It is not wrong to choose to not go down the drain with the alcoholic. It's the right decision.

@Ad-Lo

11 ай бұрын

Yes, I agree. It’s called wisdom.

As someone who dated an alcoholic woman who went to rehab twice, it doesn't end well.

When someone chooses to drink, they become the person you didn't marry. THAT's the person you want to leave.

Only three big reasons to get divorced; Addiction, adultery and abuse. Sounds like he’s checked two out of three boxes. Time to leave.

@javaskull88

8 ай бұрын

You forgot abandonment. The Four A’s.

Self preservation is a right.

@Ad-Lo

11 ай бұрын

I’d say a duty.

I've been through this with my now husband- we didn't get married until he was sober for 5 years! That's how long it took for him to go from hitting bottom and getting arrested to drug court to living in group home and eventually using his GI bill for getting Bachelor degree and now he has teaching at a college and for 5 years and recently tenured to permanent staff. All the while earning my trust back diligently the whole time- to where I trust more than anyone on this planet- we have almost 14 year-old son and he is a wonderful father despite his traumatic childhood and military. You are doing the right thing letting him figure this out on his own. I know exactly how you feel.

I am on the other side of such a relationship. 40 years of marriage and the last 5 was in my face with what Maggie shared. I literally thought I was listening to myself while she respectfully shared. John, what you shared took me 3 years to see and finally walk out. I was dying inside and had to realize I was more valuable alive. It was hard the following year to work through letting go and the triggers pop up often of anger and sadness of how the dream I had invested into changed course. But, I can still say that God is good and He has a plan. I choose to live where my feet are planted and enjoy those He has placed in front of me. Thank you for helping people. Maggie you are in my prayers…you are stronger than you realize. ❤

@katrina3560

11 ай бұрын

💜

@mogetit5999

11 ай бұрын

I pray Maggie sees this comment.🖤

@roolyfe

11 ай бұрын

Trust yourself

Dr. John can really cut to the chase. Love his style.

To the caller… For people in recovery, their chances of relapse do not significantly decreased until after five years of sobriety. In my opinion, going back any sooner is a monumental risk. Even going back after five years, there is a significant risk. Also, there are often a lot of mental health, co-occurring issues that go along with addictions, such as sex and love addiction, sexual compulsivity, and other compulsive behaviors that he may be struggling with. I want to encourage you to have a clear picture as to what he’s struggling with before you even make a decision of going back. Also, my recommendation if for you to attend codependency meetings.

@mirimalloy2758

2 ай бұрын

Off topic but i celebrate my 5years sober today and so this is very comforting ❤

Save yourself. Drug addicts will drag you down and destroy you if you dont let them go.

You can’t safe him, is the best advice that could be given. It’s true, I tried.

So the question is, is she wrong to want to leave her actively addicted husband who is cheating on her, at least with his ex wife, who knows with whom else? Um…. Bye bye. God bless him, but are you kidding? No you’re not wrong.

@djpuplex

11 ай бұрын

She chose him I'm sure he didn't just start behaviors like this magically one day. Also women have a way of painting ex partners in the worst light while taking no accountability for their actions. It takes two to tango.

@alluringbliss4165

11 ай бұрын

@@djpuplex if it was the woman who was a cheating addict, you'd say otherwise.

@djpuplex

11 ай бұрын

@@Austenfan177 Both of these women are choosing this man. Where's the accountability on their end?

@djpuplex

11 ай бұрын

@@Austenfan177 Wow in your world view women actually except blame 😳? I'm in my 40s I've never seen a woman accept blame and take responsibility without blaming something anything even resorting to crying. Women not all women mind you often choose themselves.

@Ad-Lo

11 ай бұрын

@@djpuplex*accept not except. And she clearly said his active service contributed. I usually agree with you when the person is deliberately in denial, but your misogyny isn’t factoring in PTSD and other mental health problems that occurred AFTER specific events that have exacerbated his illness.

This is a typical pick your struggle situation. I understand trying to be there for him thru his addiction disease, but infidelity on top of it? That's just too much! Praying for you and that you make the right decision.

Great advice! I am always in support of maintaining married couples together and working on issues but when in comes to addiction and/or violence, there are limits to what couples can work through together. Thanks Dr. for another extremely empathetic and sensible response.

I love that she said that she ‘requires sobriety’. She knows what she will accept and what she won’t accept. Now it’s up to her to follow through. She told him that she won’t be there when he gets out… so she needs to not be there when he gets out. It’s up to him to make a choice once he realizes that she is not there. She also told him that she won’t file right now so yeah, she shouldn’t file. Let him make the choice of what he wants when he gets out and realizes that she is not there in that house. Chances are that this moment will be his wake up and welcome to reality moment. “Oh she was serious… is she really not here…I need to make better choices if I want her back”

@uscitizen3252

11 ай бұрын

Well said.

Life's too short. Sorry for sounding so callous but that is the truth. I would run as fast as I could. Just my 2 cents.

Women need to learn to prioritise themselves too. Life is hard enough as it is, women don’t have to struggle for years with dysfunction (done on purpose). It’s ok to wish him well from afar.

@adelinediallo7775

11 ай бұрын

Perfectly worded!

@FrankS111

11 ай бұрын

Women don’t struggle with this because they are 80%+ of those who file for divorce. Don’t give me any garbage about cheating or domestic abuse because statistically it is 50/50 between men and women.

@Amysalol

11 ай бұрын

​​​@@FrankS111Maybe that's because they are the ones who are hurt the most in this. They know they are going to struggle way more to get by in life than if they stayed married. Statistics are also showing it. However, they still file for divorce. It's not an easy decision at all and the reason for doing it is rarely silly.

@katrina3560

11 ай бұрын

​@@FrankS111not relevant here Frank. Your big 💢 mad chip on your shoulder is showing.

@dabd8175

11 ай бұрын

For better or for worse really means nothing to modern females 😂

Giiirl bye!!! Shut the door let him deal with this shiet..him contacting his ex was def the nail in the coffin..let her deal with it....get away from this narcissist he has no regards for you. Love u sis!

I'm not against her leaving, but he'll use their separation as a reason to relapse.

@Treerootz1

11 ай бұрын

That’s his problem

@Mrs.TJTaylor

11 ай бұрын

So let him.

@conservativelatinausa9005

11 ай бұрын

Ok well that is his choice...u can't blame her or anybody else for his choices

@l-train7876

11 ай бұрын

It literally doesn’t matter what excuse he makes for his choices. Addicts never take responsibility and *will always* blame someone else for their problems.

Families can be brought down by one person due to drugs and that is simply not right.... Drug addicts are selfish and narcissistic. Give them help, for me, I did it 5 times before I called quits.

Boys are raised with hero idols, girls with princess idols. How come that women end up with the idea they have to save everyone while men end up with a princess mentality?

@sensimania

11 ай бұрын

I think it might be due to women being more nurturing and having more empathy. Those traits makes us automatically want to make sure that everyone around us is alright.

@nly4607

11 ай бұрын

​@sensimania this is false lol The save/change a man thing with women is a result of them not being happy with the options they can attract so they try and change a man into someone they would be satisfied with without realizing if they were successful that guy would just leave her for the more attractive woman he can now attain Lol

@sensimania

11 ай бұрын

@@nly4607 You are talking in the context of romantic relationships. I was talking in the context of overall relationships (including romantic, friendships and family). Funny you should counteract my comment though, since at the time of writing my original comment, I started to further comment on the topic of romantic relationships, but I didnt want to make my comment too long. So I deleted the 2nd paragraph. But since you've chimed in, I might as well make this a long(ish) comment. What I was going to say was (before deleting that paragraph) that our need for saving everyone is not always for altruistic reasons when it comes to romantic relationships. When we see potential in the person we have a romantic relationship with, we want to work with them so that they can become their best version for themselves and for "us". Since we (women) are emotional creatures, it's very difficult for us to let go of a potentially good relationship.

@nly4607

11 ай бұрын

@@sensimania idk what you are trying to say but men and women can't be friends lol

@sensimania

11 ай бұрын

@@nly4607 So.... out of all that, the only word you focused on was "friendships"?! Ok, I think we're done here. Have a nice evening! 🤗

*Yeah, she should just leave. I’m always surprised when women marry guys that were previously married (unless their spouse died) then somehow they have buyers remorse. Chances are if he was a good man then the previous woman would still be with him (unless he divorced her for being abusive or a serial cheater). All in all, you get what you pay for.*

@standground8284

11 ай бұрын

@@Austenfan177 I agree, him and ex wife should reunite since they’re both trashy; it’ll save many others headaches of dealing with them.

I'm 3 minutes in and I would have divorced him with an affair. Are you serious? AND you stuck by him with two rehabs? Name ONE man that would stand by his woman after even one? Immediate divorce. Run, girl!

Just leave. Drug addicts need professional help and a will to change. No amount of support and losing your time with them will change that.

This is heartbreaking! She sounds like such an honourable person. Praying for her.

The reality is at the end of the day when you have somebody who is struggling with addiction, and there is a infidelity issue that is a double whammy. I've often worked with men and yes you can rebuild to a version 2.0 loving connected relationship when there is infidelity but when there is a single event. It is impossible to rebuild the relationship with multiple rehab issues, and now an infidelity trust issue. Sad but if it was just the addiction issue it would be a whole different ball game I think if he's voluntarily getting help you stick with him however because there's also an infidelity issue with the ex I think she needs to be done.

Amazing advice. Been through this. If you try to save someone who is circling the drain, you go down too. ❤❤ To her. Safety comes first.

If he cheats ONCE you can never trust him again. Dont stand for infidelity. Leave him, love yourself.❤

I hope Kelly gets paid well. She does an amazing job of getting these people ready for one of the biggest/toughest moments in their life.

@Ad-Lo

11 ай бұрын

💯

@uscitizen3252

11 ай бұрын

What a thoughtful comment! Love this!

This man isn't worth fighting for, because he is selfish. I know a guy in the military that got HIV from his wife, and she knew she had it before having unprotected sex with him. Instead of walking away, she better run! Don't even give him conversation and let him con you back into his life. God has a much better husband for you! 🎉

I hope she gains wisdom and clarity in all this. What she’s facing is all so hard and heartbreaking.

Yes. Get help for yourself as you may not realize you are an enabler and not equipped to help your loved one! Idid 16 yrs in this! My mistake, don't make it yours!

Sweetheart you cant your life through this man who is in deep deep trouble with his own life. You must move on and live your life with self love. You can’t do anything for him. This is his journey and even though he did so many things for our country he is in personal trouble and has lost himself. You must remember to keep yourself safe. Please leave. Please take care of your heart and mind. You are important and greatly loved. Leave. Get out. Run.

If he has been being intimate with his ex-wife he has already broken his vows that created the marriage in a very literal way. He already extinguished the marriage commitment. Feel free to go without guilt.

After separation, with counseling, you come out two different people, often times “ better” people. Stay in the marriage , do all you can to make it work( plus, divorce is expensive)

Why do we stay when the writing is on the wall? When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Is it to shield the kids? Like they don't know? If you've tried, are at your wits end, and you're unhappy, YOU'RE NOT A TREE, LEAVE!!

Yes

Run lady run

i have a question that I've been struggling to find an answer with. if i am the one everyone one goes to for answers, to be the muscle and struggles to understand how God and Jesus are guiding me when i often feel more alone then i usually do. how do i get my inner demons that say you like watching cartoons with demons and superheroes who are dark and kill. blah blah blah and every time i ask for help all I hear is either get over it or shut up from others but I to put it bluntly do not have the balls to reach out to my parents to ask for help or my friends I consider brothers and sister. how do I reach out if i can't get the courage to do that one simple thing? if I can go through everything I hate and deal with even though I'm more then broken I'm shattered yet I'm still scared to ask for help mentally. I have high functioning autism and i function like a normal person i just learn stuff differently but when i fail my demons scream in laughter will my angels are having a tug a war. i am a worn-out locomotive carrying a massive train of pain uphill without any breaks and a backing engine and when a backing engine shows up, they give up on me and I know have some trust issues because of that I am stronger than the demons but I'm still tired and need wisdom if you got any. and I won't ever kill myself because I know for a fact it won't solve anything just create more problems for me and my family and friends. so please help me understand how to get over this hill and out of this hell if you have any wisdom that can help.

I wish Kim Zolziac and Kroy Biremin would call you lol

A man with no emotional control tends to keep making bad decisions.

You deserve better

I hope she already left him by now. Addicts are generally very abusive

Drug addicts need to be locked up for life

@Fishsticks187

11 ай бұрын

Some yes, some no.

I worked with a guy who was such a screw up, his 209 wife had her tubes tied while he was in a coma due to collspsed lung since she didn't want his kids. Do you.

@l-train7876

11 ай бұрын

Why would she stay married to him? She could leave and go have someone else’s baby.

@joeriveracomedy

11 ай бұрын

​@@l-train7876the 209 is a desolate wasteland of damaged people. I am wealthy and sober 4 life yet can't find a date here. Need I say more?

For better or for worse...

@littlepixel1650

10 ай бұрын

Dude that is not what the Bible means. Far from it.

Delony's self deprecating comments are getting old. They are starting to sound contrived for effect (ie. fake as hell). Just listen and help the callers please.

@tcarp1616

11 ай бұрын

Bad take.

@maryjones6115

11 ай бұрын

@@tcarp1616 I understand the psychology behind why he does it. I am just sick of hearing it all the time. It's fake.

Most women don't even ask they just bail. Most husbands don't.

@elladeon

11 ай бұрын

In this case, he is a longterm addict who had neglected her for years and now is cheating on her. Do you honestly think that anyone - male or female - should stay in that marriage?

@alluringbliss4165

11 ай бұрын

Many husbands just cheat and have a secret family. Men aren't bothered with lying to their wife and children.

@Hamyhamster24

11 ай бұрын

Nah men bails the first sign of infidelity lol

Typical woman, dip when conditions aren’t perfect 😂😂

@Mrs.TJTaylor

11 ай бұрын

I hope you’re kidding, for your sake.

@enaibee1661

11 ай бұрын

and you'd stay?

@DNA350ppm

11 ай бұрын

You are trolling, just to irritate!?

@SHINeeismydrugXP

11 ай бұрын

Lmao like you would stay with a cheating drug addicted woman...don't be silly.

@Fishsticks187

11 ай бұрын

Date an addict and see for yourself how it is.

Yes. Man these modern females..

@danimocha6598

11 ай бұрын

Honest question why does everything have to come down to gender? Anyone in this situation male or female should be considering at least a period of separation while the other person gets healthy.

@alluringbliss4165

11 ай бұрын

I bet you can't even handle a relationship.

@Hamyhamster24

11 ай бұрын

Aren’t we all glad females now have options to leave instead of staying with an addicted, cheating, useless husbands without being shamed on 🎉

@l-train7876

11 ай бұрын

@@danimocha6598ere’s a tip: men who use the term “modern female/modern woman”, are often a redpill/MGTOW bro. They are usually pretty deficient and unaccomplished in their personal lives and they blame women for their shortcomings.