Learning that I was in a relationship with a narcissist was devastating. Accepting that they won't change was freeing.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

I get what you're saying.

@michellehill718

7 ай бұрын

Absolutely liberating once we truly get there!

@undepressing

7 ай бұрын

So freeing

@TheoCynical

7 ай бұрын

Very true.

@gigga693

7 ай бұрын

🎯💯

Narcissists derive their strength from watching others grovel at their feet while holding the fear of rejection over their head. It takes a special kind of evil person to behave this way.

@shobhnakapoor1399

7 ай бұрын

I think narcissists are evil.. they don't know how to love, enjoy causing pain and lie...our joy, peace, love, kindness, empathy and humour irritates their.demons

@MarianMurphy-rz8ej

Ай бұрын

@@shobhnakapoor1399the thing about it though is that I don’t speak to anyone anymore. Ergo, they shouldn’t know a thing about me lawfully speaking. I’m not walking about like one of the Brady Bunch in their company. I don’t say a word. They are creating their own problems and issues.

They don’t love you. They never did. You were just a pawn for them to use.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

You're very close to what I'm going to say, Aaron!!

@lisagrimes4801

7 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissismmy dad was the narcissist to me. I always thought in some sick way, that he loved me.

@parisizzles3897

7 ай бұрын

Exactly! Harsh truth !

@lolo-su6ig

7 ай бұрын

@aaron exactly! they are incapable of love and true human connection. they only use, manipulate, and plot their next move. i had two for parents and can never put into words just how unsafe us kids were daily. abuse off the charts.

@indyj5680

7 ай бұрын

It's just a transaction.

Loneliness gets more and more absolute every day. Radical acceptance tells me I’d rather be lonely with me than involved with that 💖.

@susanmercurio1060

7 ай бұрын

The odd thing is, you might not be lonely with you. There is another channel, The Jungian Life, and their last video was on The Companion Within. I found it to be very helpful. You will always have company if you can make friends with your companion within.

@danielle1103

7 ай бұрын

You are not alone. 💝

@judepoynter3850

7 ай бұрын

@@susanmercurio1060thank you for that tip! 😊

@gigga693

7 ай бұрын

You’re alone, never lonely. When I adopted that mindset I filled myself up with affirmations, extracurriculars, and self care that made me full. ♥️ fill yourself up.

@elcee7800

7 ай бұрын

Thank you kind people. 👍🏼☀️

It is all about them but they blame you for it.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Strange how that works.

@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm

7 ай бұрын

That's a bizarre sort of logic, it sounds about like the chicken and the egg conundrum to me

@Lucy11_11

7 ай бұрын

Yep. When they win, they put a feather 🪶 in their cap. When they lose, they take two feathers 🪶 out your cap. 😏

@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm

7 ай бұрын

I hope no one minds my commenting twice, my dad used to say "you can't have your cake and eat it too" well that sounds a bit like that to me, but my opinion means nothing really, it's just a thought.🤔

@jackilynpyzocha662

7 ай бұрын

They don't like complaints because it shows that they are imperfect and have to compromise, they don't!

Moral obligation???? The only moral obligation they have is "what can you do for me?"

@melb2734

7 ай бұрын

We have no moral obligation to take abuse. That's a hard truth narcissists get to accept.

@judyyates2763

7 ай бұрын

One of his last texts was what do you offer? Lol, nothing for you!!!

@MarianMurphy-rz8ej

Ай бұрын

Fine. I’d like my skin and private thoughts to remain inviolable. I am of no instrumental benefit. Fine. End where I begin. John Stuart Mills “On Liberty”.

True, they're not obliged to accept you. By the time they discard you, you are so shredded to pieces, the rejection almost kills you. I'll bet some people have actually died.

They are psychologically unbalanced, pity them and remain faithful to yourself.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Well stated.

@joannbates8037

Ай бұрын

They do not deserve pity. They choose evil; let it be on their own heads.

I wish Narcissistic Personality Disorder did not exist. I wish there was a cure for this problem. It's the only Disorder that benefits the person "afflicted" but gets everyone else sick.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

You speak on behalf of many.

@neuesachlichkeit6919

6 ай бұрын

I always think of that guy-sweating meme, and the two red buttons. The first one says "Delete all narcissists" and I have no idea what the second one says because in my mind I hit that button over and over as hard as I can, until I smash the console and security pulls me away with a bloody hand, lol.

@vantom9836

5 ай бұрын

Don't wish it didn't exist. Narcissism is a necessary part of our humanity and like anything it can go wrong. Wish you had the power and capability to overcome it. You're already headed the right direction.

@knowledgeseeker4116

2 ай бұрын

@@vantom9836Do wish it was easier wish you were better…..don’t wish for less problems wish for more skills -Jim Rohn

@Nanuchick2222-dc6lf

Ай бұрын

Yes a vaccination would be good

I can tell you what they do. They will mock you and give you the silent treatment and pull their friends and family into their tactics....

In all my childhood pictures I’m just miserable, sad, and angry because my narcissistic father constantly put me down, calling me names and belittling me. I never developed my own identity because I was filled with self loathing. So sad to destroy a child like that.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Once a woman in my office was arguing with her husband about his meanness toward their kids and he kept justifying. And she finally said, "Well congratulations, you just verbally beat up a 7 year old. You're the winner." He just went silent. I'm amazed parents will be that dense.

@timothydraper6626

7 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm glad his wife said that to him.

@lisagrimes4801

7 ай бұрын

Great she knew exactly how to shut him up.

@lishmahlishmah

7 ай бұрын

Dr Carter made me remember when some narcissists of mine told me about their "winning " a conversation with some child (for example in the parish community)... Really crazy indeed.... And, yes, it sounded strange to me but - if you don't know you are dealing with a personality disorder - you put the fact in the everyday life ...and the gaslighting goes on... I mean, their building an alternative reality and our accepting their deviant reality in our lives, day by day....Also because they have a good public image, a good image with the other relatives, etc

@snowbear1877

7 ай бұрын

Same here! I know exactly how you feel. Then they would tell me to 'wipe that discontented look off my face '

Yep, it's tough that people don't have any obligation to accept me. I also have no obligation to take abuse or listen to an abuser's "truth"

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Exactly.

@lyndabrown1626

7 ай бұрын

It's just hard when the triangulation happens with all the brainwashing with the grown kids, and you have to go no contact for your own sanity and self-respect. 😢

@knowledgeseeker4116

2 ай бұрын

At first the fact of not being accepted troubled me dearly 😢 😞 but now……I sleep soundly like a baby at night and I’m so comfortable in my own skin in a room full of narcissists and flying monkeys BECAUSE I accept me and I can control myself and my reactions……Self validation accepting my fallibility, and imperfections along with my good traits and good people too are more than enough to THRIVE 🤗🙏🏿

@MarianMurphy-rz8ej

Ай бұрын

Everyone understands this. And thats absolutely fine. Don’t accept me. End where I begin in the seen and unseen spiritual realms or the judicial system on this earth will intervene (get in a fist fight on the street the police will be called rapid quick to break up the brawl. And also that hurts the ‘narcissist’ too who will end up causing themselves physical pain or learning a harsh lesson if they come across the wrong person to mess with). And/or in the next world and at Judgement Day the trespassing upon my interior being will also be heavily recompensed. I don’t consent to living like a Venn diagram with even one human being in this place. Rejection is a part of life. Fine. Im not dependent on them to approve or validate my existence. Still I’d like my skin and privacy of my inner being back please. It’s an extreme position. I would have said ‘oh okay. Hope you enjoy your life without me’ Thanks.

I'm gotten rid of all the narcs in my life, and now I'm pretty much alone. I never imagined it could be so peaceful - and empowering.

@maybe_change

4 ай бұрын

You’re a very strong person. I’m ever so slowly getting there but your comment gives me hope

I'm still in shock that I devoted myself to someone who was an absolute fraud. He got what he thought he wanted and it cost him his life. I'm rebuilding my life. 🌹

@miranx5735

7 ай бұрын

Did he contract the HIV thru unsafe sex? That’s what scares me the most about cheating partners but that’s me and my trauma talking.

@amandaliverpool3374

7 ай бұрын

Good on you Nancy 👏

@janm9610

7 ай бұрын

​@@miranx5735I ran entire std profile. It real concern

@alysiahite7086

7 ай бұрын

Your not alone. I did the same thing for 32 years 🙄

Thank you all for your comments, you help me know i am not alone living with this abuse

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

You're quite welcome.

'The world doesn't owe you anything.' That's the simple reality. The irony is that the narcs don't wanna see this.

They will say those exact words , “ I don’t owe you anything. “ Then add that little gaslighting projection,”You are too needy.”

coercive control is part of their truth and why they don't feel any sense of responsibility. happy holidays to everyone.

@alysiahite7086

7 ай бұрын

Happy Holidays to you also🌲

Oh boy, do they ever get stubborn. Their cold, calloused hearts and souls are impenetrable.

You are never going to be good enough for them. They will not get satisfied with anything. 😨

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Consider the source.

@lisagrimes4801

7 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissismI graduated from The University of Michigan with a high GPA, and that still didn’t please my narcissistic father.

@vickibazter3446

7 ай бұрын

​@@lisagrimes4801They have frigid hearts. They hate themselves.

@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm

7 ай бұрын

I grew up with my mum and stepdad and it never once ever felt like she was a loving person, no hugs nothing. I think she is the most hateful, critical, defiant, now raging narcissistic person ever. Her nickname is Hitler and she really did earn it, yet she was shown respect, and love I thought and thanks for helping us with our severely disabled son and our two autistic daughters. What I've got back in response after 49 years equals abuse, deceit and vile hatred. Nobody deserves that, not even me. If you encounter that yourself run.

@vickibazter3446

7 ай бұрын

@@ClaireGraceMarshall-jr5mm So sorry for the pain of cold hearted mothers. 💔

One of the hardest things to come to terms with when we are the ones on the receiving end of these wraths is realizing no matter how peaceful and pleasant we are, the narcissistic individuals never stop, and in order for us to win and/or not get involved is not respond once the arguing begins.

@timothydraper6626

7 ай бұрын

Yes, or to be diplomatic and gracefully withdraw.

@danielle1103

7 ай бұрын

Yes!!!!!

@danielle1103

7 ай бұрын

@@timothydraper6626 yes!!!! Withdrawing has its benefits!

@emilieholtmeier2409

7 ай бұрын

Then he paid to have me shot

@wordswordswords8203

6 ай бұрын

yes. it's hard. I know this intellectually but usually wind up getting pulled into one of their crazy arguments anyway. It never never goes well. They have no ability to see things from another person's point of view.

I'm not going to be someones punching bag any more!

I am at a place where if the narcissist rejects me or not, i don’t care, I don’t have to care, they can’t make me care, I don’t care. Lots of knowledge about the narcissist pays off.

Part of the difficulty is in the beginning the Narcissist pretends to care, but like everything else they do it's false

Absolutely. They don't care about anyone but themselves.

Merry Christmas to everyone! I‘m narc free for almost 1 1/2 years and was able to pick myself up again. Thank you for your support and kindness in times I needed it most. I wish you all the best and hope you will be able to set yourself free from the narcissists in your life. Lots of love Christa

@openeyes46

7 ай бұрын

Thank you ! I am still at the beginning of my healing so your comment helps me to know time is needed to get back to me , Merry Christmas 🎄🎅

@MsChris2707

7 ай бұрын

@@openeyes46 Take your time. The path to break free is not linear. There will be setbacks and desperate feelings. If you can, go no contact. This helps immensely to break the trauma bond. Get yourself educated about narcissism, accept the harsh truth that they never loved you, they only loved what you provided to them. They’re not capable of love. Nothing was your fault. It’s a tough journey, but you‘ll make it. Put your effort in concentrating on yourself and time will be in favour of you. If I can make it you can make it too. All the best to you. X

@karlabritfeld7104

7 ай бұрын

I'm narcissist free for 8 years and I'm still not there. The damage started in my childhood and has remained even through therapy which I need again. I still struggle with trust issues and I don't have the greatest self esteem.

First my father was a narcissist, then my golden child sister became one, then her child/my niece became one.....all of them rejected me. At first I was devastated but now i feel such peace and bliss that these toxic people are not in my life. Narcissists dont love you and the sooner you accept this harsh truth the better life becomes

Here it is, Christmas day and I'm with my narc mom. It's at the point where we can barely talk to each other. We went out to lunch and got along well - for us. I only talk to her about very superficial topics - TV shows, food, the weather, etc. She then tries to find a way to make the subjects about her. Then we lapse into tense silences. Just when I thought we'd make it through without a fight, she had to lob a nasty, needless crack at me about my weight. I felt deflated. I reminded myself that she's hardwired for meanness and that she'd do that with anyone. Still, it was a good reminder that distance with her - physical & emotional - are paradoxically needed for us to continue to have any kind of "relationship." It will never not break my heart.

@reddove108

5 ай бұрын

Yes, narcissists like our respective mothers always know what to say to cause the most damage. Mine also felt the need to comment on weight or fashion choices. She was also a specialist in devaluing any opinion/emotion I had to the degree that I still have some difficulty being confident in my decision-making ability. Sound familiar? Perhaps the single most satisfying moment in my life came the night I actually faced down the dragon. My dear mother, who I'd been taking care of after my father's death, told me, "You're not much of a son." This time I got my mouth to open and replied, "And you were never much of a mother." She cursed at me. I laughed and left. She is now in nursing care and I haven't seen or talked to her in four years. And I feel great about that. Good luck to you.

A year and a half ago, Dr. Carter, I would have struggled to understand the nuances that exists within what you have said. But I have learned from your extending gentle frankness, kindness, dignity, respect and civility towards all of us who listen to you how to do so for myself. Thank you.

The grief can be overwhelming!

These people are ice-cold inside....With our beloved 🐈s my malignant narc father has never gotten them euthanized when they were at the end of their life even when it meant many days of pure raw suffering🤦‍♀️.Their moral compass is hopelessly shattered,all you can do is accept what they are & go no-contact whenever you get your opportunity to do so.This video is perfect & so timely Dr.C,thank you...your compassion for all of us matters🫂.

I got out of a narcissistic relationship recently. Nobody needs to feel sorry for me because I learned so much from it. This man helped me understand 85% and heading to 100%. I watched him after I knew nothing and the night I started asking questions Dr, Les popped up! Thank you for what you do Sir!!!

Narcissists reject,it is expected, we accept ourselves!

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

You're on it, Fred!

And I can’t understand why I keep trying to please him, and he’s never happy.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

That's certainly something for you to rethink! Check out my book, When Pleasing You Is Killing Me.

In the same way we wouldn't ask a person born without legs to just grow them and start walking, we can't expect a narcissist to care with compassion when their emotional apparatus is missing. ...this is kind of how i'm digesting this one, which makes it a bit easier to swallow. Grateful for your channel 😊

@timothydraper6626

7 ай бұрын

Yes, I find it easier to recognise the damage as well as the behaviour.

@shobhnakapoor1399

7 ай бұрын

Thanks, that analogy helps me

@encee387

7 ай бұрын

Agree. I can't imagine feeling so hallow and unhappy. Its a life altering experience dealing with a narcissist(s) in any capacity. Once you truly see it.

@joannbates8037

Ай бұрын

Maybe not, but God's commandments still apply to them. They will indeed answer for any violations. They in fact do have the same moral obligations that we all do.

@b8akaratn

Ай бұрын

@@joannbates8037 overall, i actually don't disagree with you. Moreso i wonder why I still feel badly for my aggressor(s) when they didn't really, for me.

Facing the Objective Truth that Dr. C. has stated, with respect to a family member, has been hard but also liberating. Stopping trying to explain myself and my choices, and moving into a polite, pleasant, "no depth" communication system (seasonal and birthday greetings) have given me peace. I am free to "find more of my tribe" and enjoy life more fully.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

You make sense.

The hard truth is they never did and never will love you. Its a kick in the teeth if you love them. Once you have been tossed aside, dont go back for more punishment, because thats all you'll get. They do not change.

@ddean1420

7 ай бұрын

Haters gonna hate

@christinagipperich2780

2 ай бұрын

I cried a lot of tears while accepting this truth. I will always love my ex-husband but that will never change the fact he lead several smear campaigns against me and was psychologically abusive. The equal and opposite reaction to these facts is that I will not allow that pain in my life again, especially from him.

They will not escape, because the Lord will hold every single person accountable. From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA

@parisizzles3897

7 ай бұрын

“For we know him that hath said, Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people.” ‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:30‬ KJV

@happyhealthyblessed

7 ай бұрын

Thank you so much!! Love, Helen from New Jersey 😊❤️

@cindyrobinson3882

7 ай бұрын

Well said!! Thats what gives me comfort, knowing that their judgement awaits them.....even Christian Narcs. Vengance isn't mine, but the Lords. 🙏 😊 🙌

@acolley2891

7 ай бұрын

Amen!

@angelanicoletti3330

7 ай бұрын

Amen Sister.

Your list of Hard Truths is very accurate. I won't say that my mother was a true narcissist but she was certainly very troubled. I was removed from her custody in 1961 when I was 15 for child abuse. I went No Contact when I was 25. In my 30s, I finally realized that she was not going to love me no matter what I did. That was a very hard truth to accept. It was a very painful feeling. In a way, it was a relief to face it.

@killerbunny-rabbit5412

7 ай бұрын

Same for me left at 16, tried to go back a twice, the last time she abused my 3 year old child. I've been gone for 35 years now. I have stress related chronic illness and have been slickly all my life from abuse when I was a child. I have always grinded my teeth when I sleep and had nightmares. So much trauma it took 40 years for me to remember some of it. Glad I left and protected my children who are now well adjusted productive adults. They are not perfect and I was not the best parent but I didn't abuse them physically or mentally. I tried to be honest and fair with them and teach them empathy and respect for other people. Still it hurts to know the one who was supposed to love me just did not. She was a great mother to my older sister though.

Excellent dialog. Nobody really owes anyone, anything. At the same time, rejection is God's protection. All ways.

I get caught up every time there's a sense of normalcy... she comes back around and apologizes, becomes civil and loving but that's about the time I realize my foot is in the snare. It's been a little over 4 years of this vicious circle cycle... one of the hardest things I've yet to encounter so far on this journey...

@giatasha2181

7 ай бұрын

This is the real killer. The breadcrumbing and being fooled time and time again affects mental health so badly over time. 17 years here and fall for it each time. It’s devastating.

@turtlemcmuffin8471

6 ай бұрын

Your wife apologizes? I wonder what that’s like. It took me 18 years to figure it out so don’t feel bad. Best of luck going forward brother!

@strangemusic100

6 ай бұрын

@turtlemcmuffin8471 thanks man!

His rage came out today he called me a foolish woman, a mad woman and an idiot all because he was rejected by me and all I did while he was raging was to laugh and then he blocked me. I destroyed his facade

The truth will set you free, but first it will p*ss you off. On the other side of the pain, there is freedom, peace, and a much better life.

2:46 they’re gonna say “what things have you done for me?” denying everything you’ve done your entire life.

I finally realized, my grandmother never gave approbation, just demands for more and more, with constantly moving goal posts. Eventually I stopped caring about her demands (to basically debase myself), and was punished for it - but I had my self-respect. But she did a lot of damage to those she claimed "to love". I don't think she knew the meaning of the word.

They are delusional people!

Another factor ... accept the truth , no matter how hard it hurts , don't LET it hurt , just accept that not everyone is up to good. Hear the two sides inside of you debating with the question " but why ? " and accept that that why is making you tired ... don't need to fill in the blanks for them... just let go... it hurts but let go.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Well stated, Vicky.

Dr. C. Today is Christmas Day! This is the 1st Christmas in 47yrs that I woke up "Happy" and full of "Joy"!! NO NARCISSIST IN MY LIFE ANYMORE!!! I HAVE DREADED EVERY CHRISTMAS SINCE I MARRIED THE NARC! He died physically almost 2yrs ago. He made Christmas miserable for no reason. My children Re Adults now and after he died, I moved away from his Narc mother and family. Absolutely NO CONTACT ANYMORE! Thank you Dr. C. For shiwing me the way back to Freedom. Merry Christmas!!!

Such a harsh truth, but one that I think we all need to hear. Do good, anyway.

It's true they're under no obligation to respect you, but you are under no obligation to be on their receiving end.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

True.

@JKB-ji6xl

7 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism thanks Dr. C. Another helpful lesson. Merry Christmas

We operated on assumptions about love, acceptance and at least, moral duty. But now we know better. Dr C is speaking the simple truth again.

My goodness! You speak the truth! I can’t wait for my divorce to be final. Everything you have said in this video, I have learned the very hard way. I believe wholeheartedly that my husband’s first word as a baby was, “NO”. No empathy for others, but expects empathy from everyone else. The EGO is so easily bruised, even though he is always throwing rocks. He doesn’t have a friend in the world. He is “GROSS”. The negativity leeches out of his pores. Thank goodness for your expertise. I have been watching your videos for years now, and I am finally saying, “YES” to myself. I feel like I am getting ready to be released from PRISON!

@ladyvirgo9514

6 ай бұрын

I'm in the middle of a very long,brutal divorce from a covert coward myself. I hope you keep gaining strength

Oh that is my husband 100%!!! All of it. I cry almost every day because of his cold heart, and no civility. I try kindness, arguing, nothing works. I am depressed. We’ve been together almost 30 yrs!!!😢

@doricetimko5403

7 ай бұрын

It’s never too late to leave a toxic situation and walk into a happy life.❤🙏🏻❤️

@cindyrobinson3882

7 ай бұрын

I'm so sorry Jennifer. Just know that we all feel your pain. Stay strong, it takes courage to deal with a narcissist. I always remember the words Dr. C spoke in one of his posts......"we did nothing to deserve what narcissists do to us". Remind yourself everyday, you are worthy, you are beautiful, and you deserve to be respected". I have a strong faith, so when I go for my walks, I tell myself, I am worthy of being loved and respected. I've had breast cancer (dbl mastectomy), my ex narc pointed his finger at my chest, with disgust, he said, "are you going to do something with that"? I was more stunned, than hurt bcuz I remind myself......I am worthy in God's eyes. ((Hugs)) 🙏

@shobhnakapoor1399

7 ай бұрын

It is never too late. My parents divorced after 30 years. Sadly my.mother.was diagnosed with cancer (probably from all the stress of a narc husband). As a daughter, I finally got to see my mothers true personality before she died. She had a few years.of peace. Wish she divorced many years before but divorce.was.frowned upon in our culture

@diane19456

7 ай бұрын

Hi I was in you place until I started listening to Dr. C . Your narc will never change but you can! See a psychiatrist, get some medicine and set your boundaries! Expose his behavior to trusted family and friends and record his tirades! Use your phone. He will be furious because he does this to you in private but exposing him will be dangerous... Just be sure you are safe. You don't deserve this God love you❤

@julid1736

6 ай бұрын

@@diane19456 Relying on pharmaceuticals is not the answer, or even a good band-aid. Talk to God! Cast your troubles upon Him and seek out a homeopathic help if you need to. Pharmaceuticals will only make you dependent on them and cause side effects.

Eight years ago today we received a phone call that someone very close to us had her life taken by her Nex, leaving her young child behind to be raised by his parents. The grief has only been bearable by understanding and acceptance of hard truths. Grief doesn't go away, it changes. Thank you everyone for being an instrumental part of healing.

@aaronkwolfe

7 ай бұрын

Grace to you, Teresa. And peace. Much peace.

@lishmahlishmah

7 ай бұрын

Hugs, Teresa 🌿🌹 Yesterday, in the afternoon, I read your comment. A few hours later, at the midnight Mass, a guy said "[Our God] who does not eliminate pain but transforms it; who does not remove problems from our lives but grants us a hope that is greater than all our problems". I immediately remember this comment of yours . Those who have lived huge sufferings, can understand what you say. *Thank you*

@t_nels

7 ай бұрын

@@lishmahlishmah Thank you 🫂🌹

@emilieholtmeier2409

7 ай бұрын

My husband made 4 serious attempts on my life

@t_nels

7 ай бұрын

@@emilieholtmeier2409 I'm sorry to hear that. I hope he has found help.

I felt stung because I did my best to do what the narcissists in my life wanted - until it became clear this would be a very bad idea. I would then nicely refuse and explain - and everyone knows how this went. I started thinking, what is going on with me that I desperately wanted their acceptance? That part is my problem.

@secondhorizon

7 ай бұрын

Narcissists simply want YOU "to fail" ( or to feel like *a failure* ). This is why pleasing the narcissist always hurts inside.

@sunbeagle9769

7 ай бұрын

Do not explain yourself to these people!

@elcee7800

7 ай бұрын

Exactly, Sage. The harder you try the more futile it gets. You wait and wait for it to ‘break’ and it never does. 38 yrs later Dr. Carter told me what it was. ☮️

@notagain779

7 ай бұрын

I think they get used to you doing your best to please them. The problem is, it escalates. They begin to have more and bigger expectations. When it gets really unbalanced, any reasonable person says hey wait a minute - how about some fairness, some give and take here? That's when they think you're getting uppity and changing the "rules" on them!

@sage9836

7 ай бұрын

@@secondhorizon You are so right. And they always do manage to recast a victim's successes.

It's not just you they don't love, they deep down do not love themselves either. They're miserable and contemptuous and hell bent on trouble or evil.

@blen740

6 ай бұрын

I'll have to disagree with you on that. My narc loves who she is and has often said so. In fact, when anyone tells her she's done something wrong she'll start shaking her head and go into this silly little song she made up (I'm not listening to you, da-da-da-da, I can't hear you, da-da-da-da). It is so pathetic, acting like an 8 year old just to get her way. But there you have it! Narcissists love the attention they get from their rotten behavior. Makes them feel important and that's all they care about...

They chose the brother who sexually assaulted me. I've been kicked out of my "family" because I didn't keep it covered up. Now that's rejection.

@PuzzlerDeb

7 ай бұрын

When I told my mother, she yelled at me “Why can’t you just keep peace in the family? Don’t you ever bring this up again!” So much for confiding in a trusted adult, after 9 yrs of sexual molestation by my brother…and some of his friends! Ugh.

@dleon25

7 ай бұрын

Such a tragic situation, it's as if they're so irrationally fearful of facing any accountability or having their public image tarnished it caused such irrational decisions to be made out of selfishness instead of what was/is truly important. ❤❤❤

@denicehaley9902

6 ай бұрын

@mcnbns, I recently discovered my mother is a covert narc (I was so focused on my narc dad and husband). Now, it makes sense why she looked past me as a small child being forced to spend the night at her parents house, while her dad forced me to sleep in his bed while he was stark naked. Then, after graduating high school, her best friend’s common in law husband molested my best friend and I. Mom stared out the window as I told her. In both cases, no amount of tears touched her cold, selfish heart. No wonder I’ve been diagnosed with C-PTSD, Generalized Depression, Generalized Anxiety, and ADHD! Many prayers for your broken heart, but we’re survivors on TH! 🙏🙏🙏🙏

@trixiex9429

Ай бұрын

Relatable friends 😢

I sure wish I knew this years ago. My husband is with his new supply most of the time. I'm here at home. The home I prepped for our retirement years to have the comforts and necessary supplies. I'm told to get out. It's a mess. Thanks for the videos. Pamela of SE Oklahoma

I didn't expect the Narcissist to change. I expected the flying monkeys to see though. It's the same message, I have to accept their character. I didn't get rejected by the narc, its was me who extricated myself. I would have preferred to be rejected than to be smeared and harassed to get back in line. Forever. My answer is a resounding no, but that has cost me more than I expected. It remains painful and confusing to me. I'm puzzled how narcs manage to influence people so much. I'm going to listen again. I know it's true that it's me who must do the work to accept the situation for what it is.

@shobhnakapoor1399

7 ай бұрын

I think some.of the flying monkeys are low grade narcs themselves, benefit somehow from.the narc (financially, socially etc), are very naive or very shallow/psychologically lazy people. I had to go low or no contact with.them.too. I think they are, in some ways, worse than the narcs bc they allow the narcs to flourish.and they also gaslight and demean the scapegoat for generations sometimes

My ex girlfriend told me one time” you gonna be so insecure around me” I said no I ain’t, nothing can bring my confidence down about me, plus I won’t come around you “ she almost has heart attack!!

@MimiReese220

6 ай бұрын

Sounds like one of those ‘tells’; a little peek into their devious minds. 😱

You and only you are responsible for yourself. No one has the power to change another, however, you have the personal power to change yourself!

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

True.

I’m not sure if my spouse is a narcissist but the truth you have spoken here needs to be heard for so many situations. In the end we can only work on us.

Thank you for all your work. I think every survivor of narcissitic abuse especially the ones who suffered from this kind of abuse since they were kids need this content. Both of my parents are narcissist's and all the things you say are spot on!

Yet, narcissists believe that WE are under obligation to accept whatever they say and do as "the truth". We are NOT! Their "no" is their "no", and we can choose to say "yes!" to truth, dignity, respect, civility and life. It doesn't change, they won't change, and that is on them. The pain is real and feels totally wrong and unfair, but we have the choice to make the proverbial "lemonade out of lemons", even when it seems impossible. Thank you, Dr. C, for teaching us how to choose the good path. Merry Christmas to you and your family, and God bless Team Healthy!

This is a difficult episode. I've had to listen to it over and over. Each time I hear different things.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

I hope it gives you strength.

Dr C you gave been the blessed father figure I never had. You helped me learn my self worth. God bless you❤ Once I learned not to expect people to be decent, its more pleasant when they are and I take it better when they're not. But the narc we CAN and SHOULD expect to be indecent, as the track record shows. 😊

I have come to this realization 4-5 years ago. The only one person you can trust is yourself and yet every once in a while you will let yourself down. I have a father who is a narcissist and a narcissistic brother as well. I wish my mother was still here because she actually cared and loved others without recognition. Now I have realized that my ex wife (hence the 4-5 years ago) is a narcissistic person and she is actually manipulating my children. She always makes subtle comments about how I neglect my children, how little of a man I am, how abusive I am verbally, how no one else in my family likes me, how I have few or no friends at all because of who I am. The list goes on at different times of the year, months, days. I have thought for many years I was the problem and constantly lived with this what is going on in my mind because I thought I was forgetful and losing my mind. Then I found out about npd, bpd, gaslighting and blame shifting.

I really needed to hear it today. Narcisists do not love you or respect you and have so many ways to show you how little do they care. You are to be used, abused and exploited by them. But we can still choose to love ourselves and others because we are worthy of love, respect and care and we must give it to ourselves and others. Being loving and caring is cool 😎 thank you dr Carter ❤ God bless you ❤

Thank you for this timely message as I enter 2024. I was married to a man who I always felt used me to have our childten. ...now his children. He claimed he was a Christian but shortly after our marriage started showing me his lack of devotion to God. He allowed me to raise our daughters to know and love God..but in their teenage years, as they were rebelling, He sided with them and created me to be a horrible mother in their eyes. Fourteen years later..my daughters now grown women choose to not want me in their lives. I haven't seen them for fourteen years. I have a granddaughter I have never met. My ex moved to be where my two daughters are and my daughters adore him. God has been so gracious to me as He has been healing my broken heart and as I strive to move forward with Him. I miss my daughters very much...but I can not force them to love me or care about me...as you have stated. As I move into 2024, I continue to release them in to God's hands and pray that someday they will come to know the truth and see that I was not this horrible mother that they say that I was. God is my defender...He knows the truth!! Again..so grateful for this message. God bless you. Truth prevails!!!

@denicehaley9902

6 ай бұрын

Sadly, I feel your pain. All 3 of my adult daughters adore their narc dad and have discarded me for 9 years. Heartbroken! Heart stricken! Grieving! 🙏😭🙏😭

It's very difficult when you live in the same house and depend on them with your finances because you never diserved a life of self reliance and freedom 😢 But your videos are a blessing in the midst of it all

When I'm in the presence of individuals who judge me and dislike me, I repeatedly tell myself internally and externally, that I am okay. It can be exhausting to dance to their tune; so, I find the courage to stand in my truth daily and often feel lighter along the way. Thank you Dr. C for sharing your light and showing your viewers the light that is in all of us despite the uncomfortable truths of our humanity. For 2024, I look forward to growing up even more and listening to your life-affirming videos. 🙏🏽

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

So pleased!

@andreacook6000

7 ай бұрын

Well said! Thank you!

So absolutely true! Thanks for being the mirror of what I have endured and helping redirect me ( and others) to truth and the hope, promise, and future that gives a free, loving, purposeful life. To say, 'Yes!' to my life has taken me decades.

LOL at "stuck on no." Laughing at myself, I said my narcissist lived in the Kingdom of No.

I think it comes down to trusting ourselves enough to listen to, and watch for signs of toxicity.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Trust yourself, yes, then check that person's levels of empathy on multiple levels.

I can’t say how much I appreciate your channel, and kind and gentle approach. I wish the channels out there dedicated to this topic were less focused on the narcissist and more focused on the healing of the person who was in the relationship with the narcissist, like you are. I’m so tired of talking about them or listening to anything about them. I need help dealing with my own dysregulation. It seems like a perverse cruelty that they would still be the center of anyone’s attention.

@doricetimko5403

7 ай бұрын

Truth!❤

I stopped trying to get my late stepfather to accept me. I started to work on my own self.

This is quite probably one of the most important messages I have ever heard. It's a hard truth, but you need to accept and embrace it. Thanks Dr. C🙂

Dr. Les, you literally saved my life. It's not enough for me to just highly recommend you with no caveat. I'll be in recovery for ever. I'll suck up my own issues. I'll NEVER understand, forgive or accept what hes done to damage the children. I suspect who trained him, but he's repeated these violations and his amoral behaviors. You have detailed 110% what my family went thru.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Glad to be on your journey with you, Carla.

That’s why it is crucial to learn how to set boundaries

We wanted it to be love but it wasn’t. I wonder how many times I amused him by trying so hard for something I would never have. Very hard to swallow when you spent most of your life in the relationship. One thing to always remember about narcissism, none of the rules about love always conquering, kindness, respect, etc. will ever factor into this type of relationship; hence the need to gain knowledge. Thank you Dr Carter!

@cheryl3518

7 ай бұрын

They are incapable of a truly intimate relationship…truly only love themselves. What we thought was love, was only exploitation. I was afraid to be alone. Then I realised, I was always alone. Be content with your own company. Bless you

@winter-qd4yw

7 ай бұрын

Cheryl - I am there with you! I realized the same and prefer to be alone now rather than with people who don’t really care. All they do is drain me. Blessings to you as well!❤️

They simply love enablers and dislike people that they cannot control! Empaths! The truth of the matter is they are very weak individuals and often push the empaths too far! Empaths are the strong ones as they do not need to control others.

Hey Team Healthy!

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Hey!

They DO have a Moral Obligation: To See their Destruction & to Stop it. As every adult & adolescent does - or the world degrades. But no one can force another to care about even the clear foundation of morality, The Golden Rule. I understand Dr. Carter’s aim to show Narcissists can (& do) refuse to be reached. I just have to apply different language about obligation for my own sustenance about how humans heal or destroy life, the world. This, along with enormous Gratitude for Dr. Carter’s dedication to The Golden Rule & Healing the world! Endless gratitude for Gus and his kinfolk for being the stellar examples of morality we can choose to let guide us.

Dr. Carter, You're gracious, learned, compassionate. Thank you for all your desire to comfort and support. Tender magic over Christmas, and joy and wonder for you in the *new year. Subscriber Karen Stanislaw

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Thanks, Karen.

@elcee7800

7 ай бұрын

AGREE! He’s a doll.

Thank you for this voice of reality; some things, though painful, need to be expressed if one is to look at the real picture and move on with life, rather than living in false hope, denial or just wishfulness. This is where I was. I kept praying and hoping that he would love me. Oh, my, how sad it all looks in hindsight! Sometimes, there just is no justice, at least none that we can see, so we must let it all go and maintain faith in ourselves and in life. This is a good example of simply looking forward rather than back.

Maybe the hardest part is when you accept that it was all a lie: the man you were so attracted to, their love, everything. The only truth were your suspicions that he permanently cheats on you and that their hooverings were just a way to boost their ego or punish you for leaving them. But sensitive women sometimes WAKE UP.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Well stated.

Dr C thank you for the reminder that there are some difficult things you. not change and the N is not obligated to do/treat me right

Thanks, Dr.C and Team Healthy, for ALL your tireless hard work. You are very much appreciated ❤️ 🎄❤️

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Thanks for being part of #TeamHealthy Amanda!!

@amandaliverpool3374

7 ай бұрын

@@SurvivingNarcissism It's one of the best things I've ever done ❤️

❤ Quite a kick in the head to realize that the family who proclaimed to love and care about you were just using you - - and still are. When you know you're a fully formed human being with legitimate needs, and you think your family's on the same page - it's mind-blowing to realize that to them, you were a "thing". For me, no contact was the only acceptable solution. You're right - they're under no obligation to change or accept me. Come to think of it - - they never DID accept me as a human being like themselves.

This is one of the best videos ever. Right up there with Narcissists Who Blow up Family Gatherings. The truth is necessary and appreciated.

This resonates with exactly what I've been going thru. I have been in a narcissistic relationship for the last 20 years and has been very difficult to deal with. Thank you so much for your kind words. It has helped me realise I am not alone.

The Ns in my life are generational, it is definitely a learned behavior. I have made the hard decision to separate myself. It is hard because it is mixed with l oving and caring behavior as well. But I have to protect myself and my elderly loved one. My mother continues to make excuses for my abusive sister. But I can't anymore. My mother is at the end of her life, and doesn't need any added stress provided by allowing my sister's obnoxious presence ever again.

"This is a broken world"... sad but very true. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

This is so profound, and hits the nail of the concept that you can't change anyone but yourself. So all one's protests that he/she/they "should" do or think or feel a certain way is for naught, because no one is going to, or, as you've pointed out, no one has an obligation to submit to your standards or your morals or your sense of what's "right." Boy, that makes me reel. I have my own set of "harumph! They should ..." or "Pfft! He really should know better! How could he!" You're right. It's harsh truth and it hurts, but it would hurt a lot less once I come to grips with the fact that I can't change anyone, can't make anyone love me, can't imbue someone else with my sense of right and wrong.

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

I like how you're processing it.

Thank you. For several months, I've been living with a narcissist neighbor. There was obvious arrogance , but I never considered narcissism. Watching videos, such as yours, I could see the patterns of behavior. I empowered me. Gave me confidence to refuse the bullying and intimidation. I stood firm. Finally, the other week, I saw him load his truck and move out. He knew I'd figured him out. I've got him recorded on my phone threatening violence when he's been in a rage. I can see him stealing, more than my door mat, such as other neighbors confidence. I don't plan on celebrating in a way to show I'm the winner. That's arrogant in itself. The objective was to remove this negative person from my life. That's happened. Life goes on.

Thank you Dr. Carter for all you wise words and compassion towards us Surthrivers! Merry Christmas ✝️🎄🤗😍

Sho. That sure is a rude awakening, Dr. Carter😢 Confirming that there is only one way And that is out of this toxic relationship

He will answer to a larger entity than I. The law. And hence he will sit behind bars for a couple decades.

This one hit home. For the last 6 months of angst and woke today with a real sense of mental wellbeing about myself and life. I think its ironic because we are only 2 days from xmas. I’m finally feeling like I can navigate my life and mind freely. It’s liberating. I know I have many more years of grief ahead but i still feel positive. Thanks Dr. C for the very wise information. If only more people put value on content like yours the world would be a better place! Oops, theres that magical thinking again lol. Merry Christmas!

@SurvivingNarcissism

7 ай бұрын

Glad it resonated...and BTW, we can dream about the world being a better place!!

@milosza1384

7 ай бұрын

I feel the same! This particular video hit me hard and I deeply felt every word that has been said. Thank you Dr. Carter and blessings for the community here. Merry and Peaceful Christmas everyone 🎄

Thank you very much. It's taken me 32 years to realize this. I get it now and am ready to heal, trust myself and live in truth.