My mother stopped me having a future. She "put her foot down" and demanded I stop college, forgo uni and work in a factory so I could pay her the rent I owed her for bringing me up for 16 years. I'm 50 now, she's still evil.

@cassandramae85

Жыл бұрын

Wow that is really terrible I am so sorry..

@pashakdescilly7517

Жыл бұрын

She will not change. Cut her, get the education you deserve

@sabeaniebaby

Жыл бұрын

Yes. I signed over my inheritance and co-signed her mortgage (including her line of credit). Meanwhile, my parents didn't even have life insurance. And now I feel like an idiot.

@juliaorpheus

Жыл бұрын

@@sabeaniebaby I am so sorry. If my mom was smarter she would have done the same thing. Sending hugs xx

@marcialogan7900

Жыл бұрын

Wow! My story is very similar to this! My adopted Mom definitely a Narcissist

My mother said to me one day " you owe me your life" and I responded..." I didn't ask to be born". I set boundaries and went no contact and I hear she is trashing me to all my relatives. No one sees it and you feel crazy and bad for setting boundaries. Be strong...it's worth it.

@racheldahliamusic

Жыл бұрын

Yep. I've lost all my cousins who were my best friend since the ENTIRE world to her dragging my name for so many yes it's unbearably painful. And all the rest do not respect me whatsoever bcos of her bs.

@dianaruff3571

Жыл бұрын

Well done for getting rid.

@bernicebernstein2553

Жыл бұрын

My mum did the same thing to me. My brother is just like her. I no longer have contact with him after he had a breakdown I went to help him. As he sat rocking on his settee , the first thing he said to me was”you’ve put weight on “😳I put the comment to one side and my partner and I continued to go help him . He ended up attacking us. I’m done!

@keloisin7487

Жыл бұрын

​@@racheldahliamusic With all the respect. The people who are convinced that easily of the shit told about you, without really checking on you first, and asking you personally if it's thru, are just to dumb and stupid anyways. No matter who they are. They are just not worth it, and endangering your spiritual path of growth in your life. Just thinking about it alone brings you enough negativity to slow you down significantly. Thinking about this and being sad, weak, depressed and whatever more maybe It's not your fault right ? Also it's not on you to make things better...or is it ? I recently got over this myself, and thought i share it here with you and whoever is reading along. Also again, this really was with all the respect. And just my personal opinion, i know 1+1 is not 2 in this complicated kind of things, and especially about family. It's just that i can relate very much to this, and maybe it can help.

@magicbuns4868

Жыл бұрын

I've only realized my mum trash talks me. I'm autistic and been getting rubbish from all my siblings, and it was increasingly vitriol. Then it clicked when one sibling I got on with went instantly cold on me, and there was NOTHING epI did, not anything I could sympathise with to my sibling (who's alright). Only one explanation fit the bill. My mum was gossiping. Too long a story, but I'm ditching my family. Screw them. Some of them are decent people, but unfortunately, if I have one in my life, I must have them all.

My mother has never apologized. Even when she attempted to ‘apologize’ it ended with her cursing me and blaming shifting.

@user-gu7kk5zk2b

15 күн бұрын

A narcissist is not capable of seeing that they need to apologize

@EmmaBakesCakes

14 күн бұрын

Exactly the same, mother never accepts she is wrong and is always critical towards me. Nothing I do is right in her eyes.

@SagittariusSweet704

12 күн бұрын

Or talking about herself

Imagine living with a family full of narcissists. That's my life and family

@dearnikki7531

4 ай бұрын

Agreed, it’s very hard. Then I married my husband and his parents are narcissists. Now we are gaslit from all sides. It’s terrifying.

@aarongerig9223

4 ай бұрын

Yup. Story of my life.

@nicoleferguson5961

4 ай бұрын

Me too😢

@YourPersonalSunshine

4 ай бұрын

Me too

@nesreenali6690

4 ай бұрын

You're not alone be strong and have your freedom

It’s even harder when you’re the only one who can see they’re a narcissist. My mum is perfectly nice to everyone else but narcissistic towards me, and whenever I tell anyone who knows her they think I’m overreacting. EDIT: To everyone replying “same for me” or “that’s just like my mom/dad” or something like that, I just want to say I’m so sorry for all the BS you went through/continue to go through, and how much it must hurt knowing no one else seems to be on your side. I know exactly how that feels. Everyone seems to worship my mum (for her intelligence, her generosity, her sense of humour, her ability to handle her so called “retarded kids” that she always rants about to her friends…) and there’s times where I just wanna scream everything she’s done from the rooftops and just break down crying, (but that would be no use anyway. Knowing my mum, she’d probably just get away with telling everyone I’m deranged or some shit). It got to the point where I thought there was no point in trying anymore. What’s the use? No one would believe me, not my teachers, not my family, and even my siblings who have also been at the receiving end of her abuse always find a way to forgive her (she’s very manipulative). I started think that maybe they were right, maybe _I’m_ the crazy one, and even if I’m not, what’s the use? I won’t get into any triggering details, but it got so bad that I started having some very dark thoughts. *WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A VERY MUSHY, CORNY MESSAGE FOR YOU SO IF YOU’RE NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WHO LOVES SOPPY AFFECTION PLEASE DO NOT READ ON* (this is just a joke. Honestly please DO read on. Peace ✌️) It hurts reading these replies and realising so many people are going through what I go through, but in a weird way, it’s also comforting to know I’m not the only one. I just wanna wrap you all in a big hug. Just know I’m fighting for all of you from the corner 🙌. *I REALLY HATE to get all mushy and corny, and this is going to sound corny as hell* , but know that _I’m_ on your side. _I’m_ that one person that’s standing by you, even when no one else believes you. _I’m_ the one person rooting for you to get through this, even when no one else will. Even if I don’t know you guys, I hope that’s enough for you to stay strong. Sending you all a big hug ⊂(・﹏・⊂) Xoxo Jumi

@abowling5759

Жыл бұрын

Same here……

@clarysagemannoroth

Жыл бұрын

It was the same for me

@tiacuff9204

Жыл бұрын

Same for me. My mom says her friends have no idea what I’m talking about cause she’s a kind & amazing person. She is to her friends but not to me. She has her good moments, I’ll give her that but she’s made my life hell. I feel like I’ve gone crazy always second guessing if I’m actually the one in the wrong

@yumbunny2566

Жыл бұрын

@@tiacuff9204 Same! I always wonder if I'M being the selfish one, if I'M the bad daughter, because no one seems to see my side.

@ninamc6116

Жыл бұрын

Same here. It’s always my fault. Look up info on the family scapegoat

My mother has given me the silence treatment for 8 years, over a minor misunderstanding. It was painful to accept that she doesn’t love me, but it also set me free.

@buttercup7900

6 ай бұрын

This was my mother's moi. She was always threatening to send me away to boarding school. I used to get down on my knees and beg her not to. When I was 8 I realised boarding school cost money and they always said they had no money, so I called her bluff and said I wanted to go. The boarding school threats stopped. Sometimes I would leave for school she would say goodbye then when I returned in the afternoon, she would ignore me. This could go on for a couple of weeks till I begged her to forgive me (I never knew what I'd done wrong). When I got to 9 I thought of the boarding school success so decided I wasn't going to beg forgiveness I would just leave it in the hopes she would stop ignoring me for long periods. This failed spectacularly and she never spoke to me again on friendly terms until she realised as I grew up i could prove beneficial to her. I could go on but won't. Safe to say raising my own children I thought of what my mother did then did the opposite.

@phyllislewis8666

6 ай бұрын

Maybe she felt the same way that you didn't love her

@stefaniivanova8465

6 ай бұрын

Woww thats my mom lol

@TheMelamia

6 ай бұрын

@@phyllislewis8666 Well, she’s a narcissist, so unless I am complying with every demand of hers, she probably doesn’t believe I love her. 🤷🏻‍♀️

@TheMelamia

6 ай бұрын

@@stefaniivanova8465 I’m sorry to hear that. I know how painful it is, so I hate the thought of anyone else experiencing it.

My mother was a Narcissist. She passed away a few years ago, and it was such a relief not having to deal with her bullshit any longer.

@Taluta394

3 ай бұрын

My mother died 2013 at 84. One happy day for me. Gaslit my entire life. Cruel and mean … but last 3 weeks of her life in hospice she was very kind. Total mind f.

@billyb4790

3 ай бұрын

Did you go to the funeral? Asking because I'm not sure I'll be going when it happens. IDK what to think.

@johnthorp3649

3 ай бұрын

@billyb4790 I did, but to be honest it was neither here nor there. I felt absolutely nothing other than a sense of relief.

@billyb4790

3 ай бұрын

@@johnthorp3649 were there lots of people there? It must have been weird dealing with them, no? I dread that.

@johnthorp3649

3 ай бұрын

@billyb4790 There was something like 50 people. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. In my case, my mother was alcoholic and was often nasty when drunk. So, a lot of people she knew had seen her worst behaviour at some point in time.

Don't forget #9: She will constantly pit her children (siblings) against each other. My sisters and I were always fighting and we could never understand why until we figured that it was mom! It's crazy, but true.

@kristinr5551

13 күн бұрын

At least your siblings were able to recognize this. Many, in my experience, aren’t because they’ve been treated differently.

@encouragingword799

3 күн бұрын

So true, sadly.

For those dealing with toxic parents… sending love hugs and support you are amazing and don’t forget it

@shakirahgraham39

7 ай бұрын

Thank you💛

@404Miiks

6 ай бұрын

Thank you. We need it.

@thesaddestdude3575

6 ай бұрын

i hate i can relate to these points

@tracyewilson3536

6 ай бұрын

Thank you so much.

@sandraturner7770

6 ай бұрын

I'm dealing with this as well

The biggest slap of all is when you have kids of your own, have natural affection and care for them, and are forced to ask yourself, “what was wrong with me? Why didn’t she care about me like this?” Her narcissism is it’s own punishment, though because, sadly, she will never feel the joy that I feel sharing life with my own daughter and watching what she makes of herself.

@alejandrapoch9338

Жыл бұрын

I struggle with this as well. Years of therapy and it helped me so much. But now as a parent myself I keep asking myself this. And I keep wondering how come my mother can’t share love with her grandkids. But in fact she does almost the same with them as with me. I don’t know why I expected her to be more loving towards my kids than towards me. I come to the same conclusion, it’s her loss. But it’s so so sad.. Another slap here is that my mother thinks she’s a great grandmother. But that I’m being difficult

@tryingtobebetter4334

Жыл бұрын

Same.

@personanongrata9289

Жыл бұрын

@Alejandra Poch Yes! Same here. Zero interest in any of her grandkids! Impossible to understand. It's great that we can enjoy them though, so that definitely mitigates a lot of the negatives.

@RJ0321

Жыл бұрын

Yes, my narcissistic mother actually told me (while I was hugging my adopted toddler and telling her that I don’t know how I ever lived without her) “You won’t always feel like that. Just wait until she’s 13. You won’t feel like you lived without her.” EVIL

@jenicarter4190

11 ай бұрын

Wow this comment really spoke to me, why didn't she like me! 😢😢😢

My mother made me hate myself. The way she speaks down on me always criticizing everything I do

@amc5936

2 ай бұрын

mine to. but i came to the realization that I have a lot to offer. and a lot of great redeaming qualities. i focus on that. i will never be perfect nor you and thats okay because we are humanes. her dislike in you is her problem, not yours. ignore it, and know that you are you, and thats perfectly fine. and you are great the way you are, and fuck it if she not satified. she made 50% of you. so if there is anything about you that she dose not like, its at least half her fault. LOL i am good person with morals. i refuse to any longer worry about what anyone including my thinks. as long as at the end of the day i know i was my wonderful self, i can sleep well. hUgs and love to you

@Lalolale

Ай бұрын

Beautifully said. ​@@amc5936

@Agent-pp9zx

Ай бұрын

get revenge bro, it's perfectly okay

@Jewelybee7

18 күн бұрын

I'm so sorry. Take her power by not letting her define your value.

@Mark30983

2 күн бұрын

The perfect word would be this for is demotivating...i experienced this even now....😢😢

My mum's favorite phrase was ''You're living under my roof! this is my home not yours! I pay the bills!'' It always made me feel so unwelcome.. She'd say it during the smallest arguments. Like one time when I asked her to stop talking on phone while we were watching TV. And sometimes she'd add "If you don't like it then you can move out." And "But if you do then I never want to see you again."

@netta96

Ай бұрын

Lots of parents say that.

@mysticflower4321

Ай бұрын

You didn't say what the context of this comment was though. If you are acting like a brat and being disrespectful then your mother was absolutely right to point out she it was her roof and her paying the bills. Obviously if she had you paying the bills that would be different. Just saying you left the context out there so it's hard to know who was right or wrong in that situation

@felicitygrace5113

Ай бұрын

That is what my father used to say to me. And if i didnt like it there were 4 different doors to the house i could walk out from.

@nathalieolsson6972

Ай бұрын

@@mysticflower4321 I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LONG REPLY. Ok, so for more context (Which I will edit into my original comment). I'm not talking about "I didn't get this or that" tantrums. I could ask my mum for the smallest things and she'd freak out. My mum have/has?? a bad habbit of talking on the phone while looking at the TV. One day I asked her if she could stop talking on the phone while we were watching TV, and her reply was the usual. "You're living under my roof!" Etc etc. I wasn't a brat when I was younger (believe it or not) because long story short, my mum broke my will to live, and she made me believe that no one else genuinely cared about me. She'd mostly use it to excuse her bad behavior. And honestly even if a child is a brat, that's not ok to say imo. When a family lives together it's THEIR home, a child thrives best when they know that they're welcome. My mum would also say "You can move out if you don't like it here." And "But if you do then I never want to see you again". My mum was so hostile that not only did I lose friends at school, they wouldn't even dare to come home to me after school. My mum sent me to school even when I was sick, and then complain when my teachers sent me home again. I was asked 5 times by my teachers during junior-high if they were going to call CPS, and I regret talking them out of it. I have a long list of f-ed up things she has done, but I don't want to take up any more of your time. If you have made it this far, thank you for reading this. I've cut all contact with my mum and I haven't spoken to her for 2 years now.

@nathalieolsson6972

Ай бұрын

@@felicitygrace5113 I'm so sorry for hearing that Felicity.

For years, my sister would tell me that our mother was a Narcissist. On the one year anniversary of my mother's death, a cousin called me and said, "what a sad day"...and, although I thanked her and 'agreed', I wasn't the least bit unhappy. My mother checked 7.5 out of 8 signs. And, OMG, everyone LOVED her. I was always told how lucky I was to have her as my mother, but nobody knew just how toxic she was to her children. A few months before she died at age 92, I tried to sit down with her to see if we could reconcile with a couple of issues that had deeply scarred me; sadness and hurt she inflicted on me that I have been carrying around for more than 40 years. I wasn't expecting a heartfelt apology, but was perhaps hoping for some acknowledgement on her part that maybe she regretted doing what she did or something like that. Instead, I was met with complete RAGE while she tried to gaslight me in believing that she was the victim. This video explains a lot.

@IshtarNike

8 ай бұрын

Oh it's incredibly scary. Especially because of how compartmentalised it is. We expect people with serious personality issues to be obvious and to be bad to everyone. But narcissists in particular are so good at manipulation and isolation that they often manage to complete DARVO at the community level. They have everyone thinking the victim is actually the abuser. It's sick.

@iWoofie

7 ай бұрын

My mother is 84 and dad 92, he’s only just becoming debilitated with age and she is in turmoil with the injustice of him not pulling his weight so much. I’m guessing she has no idea how mean she is, meanwhile dad says ‘poor mum has to do everything’ I know she’s spitefully reminding him morning, noon and night that he’s an unfair burden. I have no idea how she would respond to me confronting her, your mother’s reaction has shown just how that one might play out!

@lacecox8920

7 ай бұрын

Here here

@allaynferry8746

7 ай бұрын

Same. I’m learning that it’s common that they want to be seen by the public as really great people. My mother taught school. I heard that a lot how lucky I was to have her for a mother. Funny as a kid you don’t even realize your being abused and neglected, and you don’t get a chance to have a life unless you can get the hell away from them. My mother sent me tho a psychiatrist when I was 20- she was alway telling me that there was something wrong with me. My first clue- the psychiatrist told me to get as far away from my mother as I could- then he told her that. She yelled about it and the $ she spent all the way home. 😂😂I didn’t of course get away till about I guess 8 years later. Then ended up living with her off and on till I figured out how toxic it was. Always found a controlling man to replace her.

@migueldiaz1967

7 ай бұрын

I am 56 years old and I have always felt guilty for hating my mother when so many others have thought of her a sawonderful human being. It wasn’t until the day my younger sister died in July of 2023 that I realized that I was not the problem. While my sister was dying on a bed at the hospital emergency room my mom wanted to gather the whole family and go to a restaurant and have a feast. After 56 years I realized that something was wrong and finally after much research I determined that my mom is a malignant narcissist and she will never empathize with anyone. She felt that way when my sister was dying and she will feel the same way when my time comes, if I go before her…

I noticed a flip side to number 7 in my mother. Instead of being better, competition can be over who's worst. No matter what was going on for me, what she was going through was always worse. If I was sick or in pain, hers was always more. When I was depressed and lonely, she had to prove she was worse and would even turn to self injurious behaviours infront of me. Thought I'd share this other side of the coin.

@ktwhimsy6946

Жыл бұрын

This is such a good point - a lot of disordered/narcissistic people prefer pity as their “supply” when they can’t get admiration … they just want to be the most of everything, even if it’s the most terrible. Being raised by someone like this is just downright unfair, all kids deserve to have unconditional love from at least one source in this cruel world 🫤

@csviolin0516

Жыл бұрын

Agreed. My mom does the same thing.

@phantom9014

Жыл бұрын

Hit home for sure

@lisalee9182

Жыл бұрын

I hear ya, same

@ninamc6116

Жыл бұрын

Yep I’m not allowed to bring up how she abused me. She has to one up me with how much more terrible her childhood was. F’ing annoying

The best compliment I have ever received from my mother was when she said, “I always thought you were my “Mini-Me”. Come to find out that it isn’t you, it’s your brother. You’re nothing like me, no matter how hard I tried.” Thanks Mom! I appreciate that more than I can ever say! ❤

@Truologye

3 ай бұрын

Exactly🎉

@Me_di

Ай бұрын

Exxactlyyyy

When I brought up something my mother once said, she answered “I could never said that nonsense”. I didn’t know it’s gaslighting. Thanks for the vid!

@strongrex2615

5 ай бұрын

Or the convenient excuse "I don't remember that!" (if you bring up what she said/did that traumatized you and you'll never forget it)

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

That's so true, I've heard "I don't remember that", "oh, it wasn't like that", "you're thinking about it wrong", or just huffing puffing eye rolling contempt and disdain

@strongrex2615

5 ай бұрын

@@bereal6590 it is rhetoric like that that led me to questioning my own memory and not trusting it for years.

@bereal6590

5 ай бұрын

@@strongrex2615 yes same here, it 😩 when you wake up to the truth of the matter. Take care 🤗✌️

@diane3271

5 ай бұрын

I would never ever say such a thing... (Over and over)

I'm guilty of #4 and #5 with my kids. I am so glad I saw this video, so I can correct those things now. Thanks!

@kg3185

Жыл бұрын

Good job! Way to take responsibility! You've got this! :)

@michalinabieszczad9752

Жыл бұрын

please, do what you can to avoid hurting your children in this way. I'm a daughter, 19, and struggle every day with consequences.

@PotentialofHydrogenClean

Жыл бұрын

@@kg3185 Thanks! I am working on it. I wish I would have seen this video sooner, but I guess it is never too late to make a change.

@PotentialofHydrogenClean

Жыл бұрын

@@michalinabieszczad9752 Yes, the video was eye opening for sure, and I am trying to avoid making these mistakes moving forward. I have also apologized to my kids for making them when I saw this video. My Mom left my family when I was 7, and one of the reasons I do not talk to her now is she does not show me any love or support. She literally does not even respond when I tell her I love her. I do not want that for my kids, so I will do better.

@GrannyLinn

Жыл бұрын

I also have heard my parent’s voice coming out of my mouth. I apologize immediately. It’s horrible.

My relationship with my mother was fine as long as I kept people pleasing and doing everything for her. When I stopped and started setting boundaries, the claws and delusions came out. The biggest joke ever was when she used the "after all I've done for you". Please... I've been carrying your ass since I was 16 years old and finally mustered enough self-respect to say no a decade later. I'm only 26 years old but I can already see the effects this relationship and the extreme emotional neglect has had on my body and mental health. I can't even imagine where I would be in another 10 years, if I hadn't 'woken up'.

@DarthJarJar10

Жыл бұрын

Traums... "After all I've done for you". Unless you were a demonic child, it's unfair to say. You did demand to be brought into the world from beyond the womb...

@mrmaherani7077

Жыл бұрын

lol

@tinapiper7934

Жыл бұрын

well done for waking up, it's not easy, from my experience, it's like you're swimming against the tide, you feel the pull to go back to the "safe harbour", but you know if you don't get back to the shore, you'll drown. Again, very well done, you've reached the shore, much love Survivor xx

@katarzynalindner594

Жыл бұрын

You would be in where I am now. I am 45...and still struggling with that pull.

@auramoth

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for describing how a lot of us feel, actually. The last part was just, necessary. It's already hard now, but I can't imagine what would happen to me if I didn't started no contact. Once I "was out" I felt like a kid seeing the world for the first time. Such a weird and painful experience. I wish you the best in life, thanks for showing vulnerability.

I am so sick of having this kind of people in my life. So sick of it.

@sonnyc3826

13 күн бұрын

me too..me ....too

@sonnyc3826

13 күн бұрын

both my parents are this way

I remember reading about fight or flight responses in children, It said a child that knows they are important and loved and not at fault for everything in the world are 100% more likely to scream, fight, escape a kidnapping than a child of a narcissist. That hit me like a brick, I knew in my heart if someone pulled up to me and grabbed me or simply said “Get in the car” I would have gone. My immediate thought would be to not make a sound, do whatever a GROWN UP says or I would be blamed, shamed and grounded for months for making a scene! I swear to God, I would never have thought I was important enough to run from danger because I would have somehow brought it upon myself!!!! That was my thinking as a child and teen. The article said to make sure your children know how important they are! I was never important to her, I was a stupid, ugly, worthless person that no one would miss. I was told that. I could hear the words, “No one is going to want you, look at yourself.” Then the hearty laugh came after and always in front of someone. Well, I did get some satisfaction when I became the Mother she could never be. I think it confused and enraged her at the same time. Let your children know just how important, loved, handsome or beautiful they are to you. No matter what. Thank you. ✌️🙏❤️

@dianamiftakhova5047

5 ай бұрын

Thank you for sharing the example with the car. It hit some strings. And thank you for sharing your story. You survived through neglect and have become a loving parent to your child ❤️ I wish you good luck!

@joey5816

4 ай бұрын

I was trashed to my little boy so much from her, he can't stand me and has told me I'm the narcissist. Haven't seen my grandkids for 3 years because of her telling my grandkids crap. I hope she has to pay for the mess she caused me. I'm " no contact". I hated being the hated scapegoat!!!!!

@Pixie-ix1so

4 ай бұрын

​@joey5816 I was trashed like that too. My parents were both narcissists and then I married one!!! My ex has poisoned my kids against me and as with you, I am the one who is a narcissist. I haven't seen or heard from my children for 12 years. I was the scapegoat for his bad behaviour. They are Adults, but are never far from his clutches. They both work for his very successful corporation, and its hard to say, but money is more important than their Mother. They are true narcissists themselves. Sad. As for my parents, my father passed in 2021 and my 83 year old mother now lives in a different country. They are both dead to me. I removed the toxicity from my life. I have peace now and love myself for the first time in my life. It was a long long journey but I hope that you find a healing path as I did. God Bless.

@auntyhayte

Ай бұрын

When I was 12. I had just got to my house after running an errand when a car pulled up and the driver asked me to get in so I could "have a lift home". I refused because I was outside my house and thanked him, but I was already home, so it made no sense. He tried to persuade me, but all I could say was I didn't need a lift as I was home. He then drove off very quickly. Despite all the warnings at school etc, I know I would have got in the car if it was not for the fact that I was at home, because I was always too frightened to say no to adults. I still get chills down my spine thinking about it.

I feel so bad for people who deal with narcissistic parents, I hope you all are able to find the peace and happiness that you deserve

@treasurechest2951

Жыл бұрын

It's a weird feeling when a complete stranger says something almost on a whim and it's so much more caring than what comes out of your own mother

@norahtoto3500

Жыл бұрын

Thank u!

@MariaHernandez-rc2eq

Жыл бұрын

Thank you! 🌺

@Movieclips_101

11 ай бұрын

It’s aggravating to

@deepadhania5921

11 ай бұрын

Thank you

I wish we had you tubers like you in my youth. I wasted my life without knowing anything about narcissism.

@whereisyourhumanity7557

Жыл бұрын

Ditto.

@richelle7211

Жыл бұрын

❤

@hipsonsogbo

Жыл бұрын

Takes so long to figure it out, amazing to look back and see it so clearly. Hard part is knowing that past is lost, a big part of a narcissist is to rob you of your time. That’s why they kill your dreams and ambitions, they know youth is valuable, and they see the positivity in you and want to rob you of it for as long as possible.

@treasurechest2951

Жыл бұрын

Me too. Couldn't even say the word 'depression' without clearing the room and anyone near for miles. Therapy was for crazy people and never really knew what went on behind people's closed doors.

@ChristyKayKirk

Жыл бұрын

Same here! I could not understand what was going on with my mother until I had a relationship that reveal ed itself as to what my boyfriend was. Meanwhile I found myself saying "you and my mother are a lot alike". Not realizing why they were alike until God revealed it to me no one else. I heard the words "He is a narcissist" and looked the word up. Oh my God his picture and my moms should be side by side the meaning.

My 5'2" mother felt the need to inform me (regularly) that she never weighed over 100 pounds until she got pregnant. She started this right after I topped 100 pounds at 12 years old (and was already 5'4"). It led to me intentionally skipping meals when I was 15 for a summer. I ended up stopping when I didn't lose any weight and I realized it was pointless. I just didn't have any fat to lose. My doctor was also commenting at the time that I was underweight for my height, so I did have that bit of positive reinforcement.

@howard1beale

4 ай бұрын

My narc stepmother was constantly telling me I was too skinny. No o wasn't, I was normal. Her own daughter she was constantly calling fat even at the age of 3 or 4. Guess what? Her daughter became super mega obese. First she would tell her she was too fat, then she would give her chocolate when she cried. I was 12 and I said to my stepmother," are you trying to drive her crazy?" She didn't like that

@donnalambs9578

4 ай бұрын

😂

@julemarrojo87

4 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

@howard1beale

4 ай бұрын

My stepmother pulled the same crap on my half sister. She Reacted differently to you and became morbidly obese.

@ranchochihuahua

4 ай бұрын

OMG. My 5'3" mother told me the most she ever weighed was 112, except for during her pregnancy. She only gained 16 pounds with me, and I was born early at five pounds, five ounces. She told me multiple times that I was fat at 135 pounds. I've been dieting my whole life because of it.

My mom passed away and I feel so much anger now for the first time in my life!! I could never be honest with her while she was alive. Had such a superficial relationship with her. Just hope I will heal with time.

@kyky6825

3 ай бұрын

Forgive her; not for her but for yourself. Forgive yourself for everything you didn’t say as well. Hope peace finds you.

@MsMoniqueEstelle

2 ай бұрын

actually don't forgive her! FEEL it all! You owe it to YOU, you'r emotions are valid! And no one can go and say "you should forgive her", NO! Big hugs! An outraged stranger who feels similar

@Jewelybee7

18 күн бұрын

The only way that you'll heal after you acknowledge your feelings is to learn to let go and forgive. That's what that person is trying to convey.​@@MsMoniqueEstelle

8 out of 8, sadly. I went "no contact" 5 years ago and it helped tremendously! When I have moments of guilt for cutting off contact, I think of one of the horrible things she's said or done to me or my own children and that reminds me I made the right decision. I am not suddenly healed or healthy. I have anxiety, depression, and even nightmares, but I don't have new things to add to list of hurt from her.

@keturahspencer

Жыл бұрын

Same and 14 years, good luck you on this journey.

@StormyRiver8970

Жыл бұрын

100% same with me. I shut mine out 2 years ago and I mourned, but in general, I'm much happier.

@anyagee9467

Жыл бұрын

Get some help: books, courses, KZread videos, therapists - all help heal!

@natsarimthings3147

Жыл бұрын

So sorry. This is what I fear, if I keep her close, what is she gonna do to my future children?

@goingwalkaboutnow

Жыл бұрын

I have exactly the same , I cut my mom off 2 years ago, wish I had done it sooner. It’ll get better.

I have just bawled my eyes out! I’m 50, and my mum is a narcissist. This makes me so emotional and angry

@lisawentworth6831

8 ай бұрын

same here, and I am 60. I couldn't see it earlier, because I thought I had an idealic childhood...now I know I was just an extension, until she turned on me.

@thekat4493

8 ай бұрын

I just had the exact same reaction. I'm 48 and it doesn't stop hurting with age.

@van_antwerpen

7 ай бұрын

Just turned 56. And mine just emotionally demolished me yet again ON my birthday. No day is sacred with this one. She speaks to me with vile hatred in her voice and then tells me I’m making it up if I point it out. This time tho, I think something in me broke. The next time she does it may be the last time she ever hears my voice again. Also my sister and her horrible family who live near her (I’m in another state) and treat HER with disrespect, have also wildly disrespected me over and over and over until I could take no more so none of us speak anymore. But somehow she also twists that situation to be all my fault even tho I have talked and cried to her about how horrible they’ve been to me for no reason for years. How heartbreaking it’s felt being treated like 💩 by people I’ve never been anything but nice to. They all only saw me once a year and I showed up every time with smiles and gifts. But she will not even talk to her own child about how they’ve essentially shut the whole family dynamic down with their bizarre treatment of me and how much it’s hurt to realize so many people literally do not care at ALL about me.. all because SHE needs them to do stuff for her, or for people to visit with because she has no friends. So instead of sitting my sister down and saying hey, what the hell is going on with you guys acting like this? Straighten it out and apologize. Stop being so horrible… she says nothing. She let me go. Her mindset is oh well, I can’t risk giving up having someone to come change smoke detector batteries or my AC filters for free just in case they get mad at me for pointing out what they’ve done to this family, so I guess I’ll never see that o other daughter again. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’ve been scared to look these videos up because I assumed it would feel terrible to finally see the diagnosis all out there with no denying it. I was wrong. In other’s stories I am finding comfort. I’m so sorry anyone has had to go through what I go through. There are so many people out there who should not have ever had kids. ❤

@Eugenetra7

6 ай бұрын

@@van_antwerpen Sometimes it feels like they make these morons at one factory, in one batch. So much in common. When I was reading your story, I was like reading my own. Toxic crazy mom, shitty elder brother etc etc. But in my case it's only the tip of the iceberg, because I know a bit about several previous generations of my family. And it's shocking. Crazy abuse, alcohol, suicides etc etc. So it doesn't form in a vacuum. The only good thing is that I'm not like them. I cannot even understand how people can be such pieces of shit. Anyway, stay strong!

@diane3271

5 ай бұрын

There are a lot of us. Please google around and locate a therapist who has videos about the dynamics of NPD and be educated. They have terminology for this condition and it will free you to know we are real and there's others who've been abused in this way. In my case I was the scapegoat (only daughter, eldest of 5)and my eldest bro is the golden child. She created so much division in our family which is hard to overcome. We are like strangers. She's now in a board and care with Alzheimer's wondering why no one visits. I do go, because its the right thing to do. Every time I leave she curses me and tells me to never come back. Ever. I smile inside as I realize she can't hurt me anymore. Be strong, friends. Get to where you care less. Not all relationships will be this hurtful. Love and be loved.

Every time I see articles/videos like this, as a mother I take away what I did wrong in raising my kids (who are adult children) and what I could have done better. My stance is to work on myself to continually be a better person and yes I have messed up. Thank you

@l4l414

5 ай бұрын

This shows that you are not narcissistic.. The fact that you are taking responsibility and righting your wrongs. Narcissists are unable or unwilling to do this. They lack in emotional intelligence.

@LyssieLysse

5 ай бұрын

This is not narcissistic behavior. You sound like my mom who was just trying her best to raise me and my bro (unfortunately both of us are mentally screwed), but she had no other role models and the examples she did have were toxic so…generational trauma 😬

@angiem2375

5 ай бұрын

I hope you can feel better with these comments, you are definitely not a narcissist, the fact that you feel bad for the mistakes you made, WOW, I wish I could have that from my mother. You are simply human, mistakes are human, and working to improve is human! I applaud your efforts. It is about empathy, that is what narcissistic mothers never show, they are always the victim. I wish you all the best with your kids and hope you all can make amends.

@scarlettenyx3500

4 ай бұрын

I'd also recommend reaching out and apologizing specifically for your past wrongs. I'm sure your adult children would appreciate it.

@jl3268

3 ай бұрын

When you can honestly look at yourself and want to so better, you are healed more than you know and an inspiration.

I had been watching YT videos on narcissists for about a year, and had suspected for several months that my mom is a narcissist. Watching your video made everything clear to me: I recognize all eight signs in her. Thank you.

@amybell4830

4 ай бұрын

Me too!

The saddest thing is that today I feel like I'm more a professional survivor of narcisistic people than actually the things I chose for myself.

@donkeymama5809

Жыл бұрын

Same.

@kerryhernandez647

Жыл бұрын

That's deep! Never thought of it like that.....

@whereisyourhumanity7557

Жыл бұрын

Gag. I feel the same, dammit. I got a degree that I didn't want.

@sherylmccollum895

Жыл бұрын

This....wow

@shaluk8538

Жыл бұрын

Ouf..same here man. Painful..

My therapist from 35 years ago told me after I said that my parents had a very hard life, "They may have had sad stories, though it wasn't what you needed." I never forgot those words. So, I ended the hurtful legacy by being the parent I always wanted, for my son. What I got in return is an amazing relationship that I had hoped we would have while he was growing up.

@missionlightsgrp9187

10 ай бұрын

You're lucky.

@SXYKITTEN1974

9 ай бұрын

That was the mentality I have, “being the mother to my children that I always wanted.” My relationship is great with my kids.

@aprilmilnes3583

9 ай бұрын

@athena3865 Same here!

@mohamedaityoussef9965

8 ай бұрын

thanks for being a great parent. we often hear "being a mother is the hardest job in the world" , i would like to say being a good parent is the hardest job in the world as anyone can have children but not many can raise them right

@YeshuaKingMessiah

8 ай бұрын

Their sad stories weren’t what the daughter needed? They were supposed to lie? Crazy talk

My mom straight up told me she had kids to love her, not the other way around. I could never have friends, my choices were based off of her likes and dislikes. Her taste in everything. Even preventing me from working to keep me closer to her and now I'm 33 learning life skills of a 20 yr old.

@helmsmanpacker3456

4 күн бұрын

You got this, everyone needs growth, and just because you started later than others doesn’t mean you’re incapable or weak - it means you are strong.

Guilt trips and manipulation are the sure tell signs of a narcissist. People who truly love you would never try to guilt trip or manipulate another's feelings to provoke a response. Great video.

My mother checks off all eight of these. Yet, it's still had for me to accept that she really is a narcissist and I'm not just in a pity cycle. One thing both my parents typically say when this topic comes up is "you have your memories, we have ours." Basically, my memories don't mean squat.

@Cla-ev1xp

9 ай бұрын

I wish I had stayed away from my mother years and years ago. I went no contact three years ago. It was the best thing I have ever done. I can see now that she was a monster. The only times she did anything for me was to keep me close in order to use me.

@ladyredd6857

7 ай бұрын

​@@Cla-ev1xpyou just explained my life 😢

@lisabowden402

6 ай бұрын

You memories mean everything because they are yours. They are gaslighting you to make you feel crazy.

@diane3271

5 ай бұрын

Narcissists have their memories, yes, because they rewrite life the way they imagine it should be. They seek to correct everyone that presents them as less than perfect. This isnt reality. Your memories are true. Yours are factual. Trust yourself.

@cringesh1t427

5 ай бұрын

Anytime I bring up past memories that still leave me with nightmares I’m met with “you remember everything so wrong, you like to make stuff up.” It’s insane how easy it is for them to disregard our memories yet when it comes to them remembering something bad you did when you were 5 you have to play along despite being 5 and most likely not remembering :/

I never realized my mom was toxic until after she died. When I had my own children, all the memories of all the pain and things I would NEVER to do my kids came pouring back in. Stuff I had forgotten about. She treated me horribly and allowed my older sister to abuse me as well. It's weird working through all of this on my own, but at least I don't have to worry about keeping her from harming my children.

@TheKim369

Жыл бұрын

In my case it was my younger sister, and I was always told as the older sister I needed to be the bigger person, so she was never punished and I was never allowed to retaliate. She was always extremely jealous, but it seemed normal as I was older and could do more. Then it expanded into lying, back stabbing and stealing and continued until I went no contact. I was a young mother when I figured my mother was also hatefully jealous. It seemed conceited to even think that, so I never told anyone. I'm pretty normal, I'm not fabulously wealthy or a model or anything. There was no obvious reason to be jealous, but the signs were unmistakable why wouldn't she be happy for me if good things happened and why would she take it as a personal attack if I did something she didn't approve of like matched my drapes to my sofa rather than the paint on the wall, in my own house. I blamed myself for a long time, I must have done something to inspire that kid of venom. I moved thousands of miles away, but the stomach ache didn't go away until I went no contact when she died. (ha, ha, I didn't know a thing about narcissism, or I'd have gone no contact decades sooner). I bet you made the right choice, I still had contact, but moving so far away limited her interaction with my kids and I think it was the better choice for us anyway. Best to you on the rest of life's journey. May you always spot them before they spot you!

@legenddaughterrd

Жыл бұрын

that not normal protect your children they are the most important to you that your children and soulmate they are your family focus on your family needs home car career your finance not your mom or sister who negativity stands in your way focur on you your soulmate and children now your sister and mom have their own life to live dont let them run yours

@apriliacess8053

Жыл бұрын

Same here,sometimes you notice that somethings were not normal as a child until you become a parent yourself.

@roge1567

Жыл бұрын

@KimPansey I swear you and I have SUCH similar stories. I am the older sister as well, and reading what you wrote... I swear it could have been me that wrote it. I am so glad you got away from it, I have done similar. Just hearing someone talk about the mother/sister narcissist combo is somehow relieving. I've looked for similar accounts from people, going through the same situation but yours is the most similar to mine. Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to reach out and say how much this actually helps to hear. I'm so glad you are doing well and got away from them both. Bless.

@salonsavy6476

Жыл бұрын

So relatable

My mother told me from an early age (I think I was around 4 the first time she said it) that I had to accept that her husband came first. This was not limited to her attention and affection, but even the little things like meals and other actual necessities. During an emotionally traumatic time for me, she chose to throw a painful piece of personal history in my face and hurt me 💔. Her actions coupled with the rest of the hurt I was trying to get through became my breaking point.

@nolanme

6 ай бұрын

They love to attack you when you’re at your weakest. When the world wounds you then your narcissistic mother laughs and attacks. At least that’s my experience.

I always knew something was different about my mother but I didn’t realize until about 4/5 years ago that I was raised by a narcissistic mother. It’s a painful realization but it helped me really start my healing journey.

@healthylife4eva

4 ай бұрын

Same here 😢 learning how to heal

@saravw1

4 ай бұрын

Yep. I knew she had struggles with mood swings and likely some depression but a light bulb went off a few years ago and now I can't unsee it.

@MaChula14

4 ай бұрын

@@saravw1 I understand more then you know her last words to me was I can’t wait to be an old lady so I can torture you the rest of your life. I guess God had enough she passed a couple of months later.

Both of my parents were narcissists. Sometimes when I’m grieving the relationships I didn’t have, I truly feel being an orphan would have been easier or better.

@venanziocalise946

10 ай бұрын

I am an orphan and no, not the same.

@GeminiCloudTech

10 ай бұрын

​@venanziocalise946 please don't come here invalidating ppls experiences. That's not what this place is for. Have a blessed day.

@missionlightsgrp9187

10 ай бұрын

Believing that there are perfect relationships out there is what makes you grieve and may delay your healing. It's the illusion that entraps us and becomes our daily hell.

@SFVGIRL

10 ай бұрын

Omg. I relate to your thoughts. I honestly feel exactly the same. My mother died recently, and she had been very ill for years. 84. My sister and I were her 24/7 caretakers. No one else until hospice, at home! 6 years! Now, I am ready for my 84 year old dad to leave. They have no friends, no one comes over, it's just 3 of us now. I'm 58 now. I had to quit my job to be mom's caretaker. I'm glad I did it because I'm strong asf! I am empowered because my narcissistic dad knows if he crosses my boundaries after this, I will fuck him over!! ❤

@Seraphim7

3 ай бұрын

Having Both Narc parents is like being an Orphan because you’ll have to cut off all your family and relatives. When you’re the Scapegoat….. So, yes when one doesn’t have a mom or dad….. they are an orphan, basically. But, if you Accept Jesus as your Savior…. God is your Father and you’re no longer an orphan :) -signed Daughter of the King

1:00 #1 Sees you as an extension of her 2:02 #2 She can dish out tons of criticism, but can’t take any of it herself 3:08 #3 She shares private information about you with others without your permission 4:26 #4 She holds basic parental duties over your head 5:47 #5 She doesn’t respect boundaries 7:31 #6 Will constantly tell you that you are remembering things wrong 8:57 #7 She always competes with you 9:33 #8 She is always the victim 5 Healthy Ways to Heal: 11:02 #1 Setting healthy boundaries 11:56 #2 Inner child work 13:02 #3 Look for ways it affects your life today 14:18 #4 Grieving the relationship that we didn’t get 15:22 #5 Improve your self talk

@jackdeniston59

Жыл бұрын

no.1 extension of her, would mean you are still seen as, maybe like a hand, as in pain will still hurt. I see it more as we are just things, things to be used. Like a hammer.

@allisonharranmua8193

Жыл бұрын

It's like you have met my mother

@michelelevi3904

Жыл бұрын

all 8 fully there! I guess I've finally got a diagnosis for my mother

@Maria-kh2bd

Жыл бұрын

Thank you

@kristie3592

Жыл бұрын

Is your whole shtick mommy bashing?

Not only was my late mother a narcissist (x100), but a severe hoarder to boot.

I can't tell enough how painful it is to have a narcissistic mother..my heart is breaking 😢

@jhughes974

Ай бұрын

♥️😞 it can be a rough situation

@ashukandala4228

9 күн бұрын

@@jhughes974 that's how we get stronger and set boundaries

My mother fit every category. She told me how hard she worked to have my diapers as white as snow, flirted with my boyfriends, told her friends and the relatives about a part of my anatomy I thought wasn't normal, made fun in front of my father that I didn't need my first bra, referred to my first house as a chicken coup compared with her house, nothing I had was as good as her stuff, told me I could change my mind the day before I got married. She called me a dumb cluck as a child and made me think I was stupid. I'm 78 years old now and still deal with feelings of inferiority.

@whereisyourhumanity7557

Жыл бұрын

I grasp your hand, dear. How awful our mothers could be.

@richelle7211

Жыл бұрын

😢 I'm so sorry! ❤

@jozette-pierce

Жыл бұрын

You've learned a lot from all this, and can have an informed and bright future.

@Teenywing

Жыл бұрын

I hope you found happiness and true love from someone ❤❤❤you deserve it. 😊

@caroljohnsonvaughn6793

Жыл бұрын

68 here. Mom’s been gone 18 years…/. I still hear her and see her face in her anger…. I left at 17 and limited contact, moving 2500 miles away.. She was a victim in her youth as well. I credit my oldest daughter with stopping our dreadful cycle. Some parts don’t heal but our lives are so much better. Counseling has played a great role in our growth, communication and happiness. Please if you find yourself in this trap. Reach out and work on solutions. It will be worth it. Hugz for all who suffer this way.

6 out of 8, and people think I'm crazy for telling them my mother is a narcissist...

@pashakdescilly7517

Жыл бұрын

denial is 'normal'. You probably need to be more careful about who you confide in. Test the waters before you decide to entrust people with this knowledge. There is a lack of information, so many people have no idea about these things. They may be in denial of their own situation, and therefore 'protecting' themselves from what you make evident to them. They may be someone who aids a narcissist, or a covert narcissist themselves. Lots of narcissists have a VERY carefully prepared public persona, so what you say about their real self jars with the image

@reducetheatoms

Жыл бұрын

Mine is 8/8 if her video was longer i bet it would have been a 100% too lol. I mean whatever you tell them they are always in denial so i dont even try anymore

@draltamimi

Жыл бұрын

I hear you, bro Same here, my mother (and dad) could win an international prize for being super narcissist

@leahmoskowitz3462

Жыл бұрын

People have no idea what happens behind doors! Don't listen to them

@neon_jam1127

Жыл бұрын

One of the most disheartening things for me was when people would defend my mom even when she was clearly doing horrible things to me in public. People don't want to see what's in front of them because then they'd have to feel guilty about not doing anything... it seemed that it's much easier for them to deny a childs suffering than to intervene.

I want *justice* for the victims of narcissism ! The lowest form of life there is is a narc who hates & tries to sabotage/destroy their own children 😠

I so appreciate this list. Every time I start to question whether my mother is a narcissist, I find your video and realize she fits each example.

@annawang92

5 ай бұрын

Me too

The "I didn't ask to be born" jab definitely came out a lot in my teens. Boy, did my mother hate that.

@vaughendustries

10 ай бұрын

It's definitely a great comeback for all the guilting, seriously knocks em down a peg.

@MikhaelYacobMalechNisan5742

9 ай бұрын

😂 my own nutter of a mother hated it when I said that too. Also I once told her that it was my parents who made me & not the other way around She didn't appreciate that either. Anyway fck Your nut case mother. You're lovely and I'm glad You were born You are more than what You think You are Love and kindest of regards 🕊

@lolunicornsaj8907

9 ай бұрын

My mom just hits me with the "So you want to be dead? is that what you're saying? what are you, suicidal?"

@blankpagepanic

9 ай бұрын

@@lolunicornsaj8907 jesus. I'm so sorry.

@AnzzCheatedOnMarkWithHaechan

9 ай бұрын

I remember couple of times when my mother told me she didn't want to have me but my father told her no discharge like I don't understand how she finds it funny to say such shit to all the family

This is my mother (her father was an absolute monster in the worst ways). I cut all contact with her 10 years ago. The rest of my family too. Loads of love to all who have lived with and survived the narc mother, especially as their scapegoat. ❤❤❤

@taratarat5818

10 ай бұрын

❤❤❤❤❤

@lilac624

9 ай бұрын

I can't stand the abuse.....I am tired to exist

@riniuchiha9383

9 ай бұрын

@@lilac624how are you doing? ❤

@dls.76

8 ай бұрын

Same- I cut them all off 20 plus yrs ago after a major situation that ruined my life… it was so painful…. You have other ppl like me and others who know the pain your not alone.

When I was ~11, I confronted my mom about the verbal abuse she and my dad were inflicting on me constantly. She just laughed and said "Oh, if you tell this to anyone they're going to take you away and you'll be homeless and a drug addict." She's always been very manipulative and fits all of these signs, but that was the moment I started to consider if what she and my dad were doing was actually not "normal" or right. I still have a year and a half before I move out/go to college, but won't be an adult until about a semester in. Hope it'll be okay.

@betty568

3 ай бұрын

You will be ok! I promise. If you feel it isn’t normal, then it isn’t.

@grandmamarymarthatammy_blo6603

3 ай бұрын

Age 17 in many states you can live and function independently...

@cpierces

3 ай бұрын

​@@grandmamarymarthatammy_blo6603 I won't have legal or financial independence, and there are more issues with the specific situation, but physically yeah I could

@libby4419

3 ай бұрын

I love you, you are so lovely and true!

@Ra_vee9132

2 ай бұрын

There are quite a lot of books out on “Adulting” which gives you the bare bones of advice on living on your own as an adult. I got one for my son when he turned 18 (as part of a basket of gifts) and read a little of it and was impressed. There is stuff in there that took me years to figure out - such as having an all round blood test review with your physician once a year. That might help you with the preparation for moving out.

Woah, I didn’t realize that a sign of narcissism was sharing your personal information. When she stated that it was mind blowing because my mom has done that so many times but it never crossed my mind that was part of it.

@realtalktherapyreactions

5 ай бұрын

Don't let these videos fool you into thinking that someone is a narcissist that is not. My mom has done way worse things to classify her as a narcissist. I'm a mother and me and my sister have talked about our daughters first period because maybe me or her was trying to get information about what helps during different symptoms concerning our daughters. I had to check my daughter out of school one time because she was throwing up and cramping and I remember my sister telling me about essential oils and natural supplements other than painkillers. Every conversation is not narcissistic.

@NarrowPathDiaries

5 ай бұрын

@@realtalktherapyreactionsIn that case, no, definitely not. But for me as an example, when it comes to my personal life, my mom will share personal information about me, without my permission, to whoever will listen. I was dating a guy a few years ago & at one point, he had met the extended family during a gathering. The next time I saw them, (I think during Thanksgiving) we had broken up. *Nobody* asked me, ‘where’s Rey?’ Why? Because she had told them already instead of letting me tell them myself. Severe lack of respect

Leaving the parent unit is extremely necessary for one’s growth ❤️

@hopeful6157

Жыл бұрын

💯💯💯💯💯💯

@sixthsenseamelia4695

Жыл бұрын

How can someone leave a "parental unit" when they weren't parental unit in the first place? Its often nessecary to leave the entire family.

@annemurphy8074

Жыл бұрын

@@sixthsenseamelia4695 It's more like a cult than a family.

@sixthsenseamelia4695

Жыл бұрын

@@annemurphy8074 Yes, that is true I suppose.

@mariecait

Жыл бұрын

Leaving family is a luxury. I own my condo but I sadly have many friends who are stuck at home because of rent increases. We have no choice but to bite our tongues when it comes to narc family. 😢

"Healthy relationships are not built on guilt and feeling like you owe someone". Wow, yeah i am 55 years old and I'm still doing everything out of guilt and I am still trying to be the perfect daughter. I have struggled with functional alcoholism for 20 years because of this cycle of dysfunction. So ready to move beyond it.

@EH23831

4 ай бұрын

I hear you and see you- sadly you will NEVER be perfect enough… I’ve found going minimal contact helps- disengage as much as you can - it will help you to heal 🤗

@michellenowicki1375

4 ай бұрын

@@EH23831 Thank You!!🤗

@howard1beale

4 ай бұрын

Alcoholism us a disease. She did not cause it. If you want to get sober go to AA.

@siaitsme6800

4 ай бұрын

Same here... Doing things out of guilt....

@howard1beale

4 ай бұрын

@@siaitsme6800 when people act out of it guilt it shows you have zero self esteem and you think you're God. No human power can fix anyone else.

I'm already 62 and still struggling, but much better than I was. Kati, your and other psychologists' talking and writing really helped me as well. I've been under psychiatric care and on medication for a very long time now. It takes a lifetime to heal.

This is spot on. It’s so difficult to deal with. And it’s heartbreaking and feels so lonely to know how horrible of a person your own mother is.

Going down this list hits hard. Mom did a lot of these things constantly. Incredibly validating to know I'm not crazy in thinking she had narcissistic tendencies.

My mom has all 8 signs. It took me 30 + years to know that she has always been a narcissist and she almost destroyed my life. I decided to cut off all connections with her for a few years and during that time I picked myself up gradually and put myself together. My own family is happy and my career took off without her. I'm keeping a distance from her now even though we talk once in a while. But she traumatized my past and the wounds are hard to heal. I'm glad that I'm not treating my wife and my son the way my mom treated me.

@taratarat5818

10 ай бұрын

It took me 30+yrs to figure it out how many yrs she's been a narcissistic (since the 80's). You're right when you said... some things were too damaging to completely let her back in. Sending positive Vibes ✨️

@victorhugovaldezsoto

10 ай бұрын

Just what I went through. Well done! Now we're making a difference! :)

@chivienhuynh2132

10 ай бұрын

My mom told me the whole time that I was worthless without her. Well I've proven to her that she was totally wrong by staying away from her manipulation and made a lot of positive changes in my personal life and my career. I found out that she should be answered with actions, not with words to keep her mouth shut.

@02drpyro

9 ай бұрын

I have practically the exact same story. I finally wised up when she colluded with the narcissistic mother of my first child to help her in her attempts to destroy me financially and bring me emotional grief.

So I raised by two narcissist mom and dad lord have mercy on my soul 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢

Something crazy is when I watch these types of informative content it does help me cope slightly with the trauma I did experience as a child, because when they talk about it objectively like that it makes me see that there are many other people who experience the same thing. So I should be able to let it go, and then that’s where it turns into that sadness feeling.. because I feel like maybe I am exaggerating things like everyone always told me and I’m just weak then. I’m reminded of all the little things that I endured throughout my life that are still traumatizing to me that I thought I’d gotten over, but clearly haven’t. You don’t realize how much your brain suppresses till something silly reminds you of a few terrible memories that just throw you way down in dumps. I really hate ptsd!

I had a mother like this and it made me realize that not every woman is cut out to be a good mother. Thank goodness we have a lot more choices now than our mothers did.

Having a narcissist mom has left me shockingly unable to recognize these qualities, until it's too late. I'm getting slightly better, but it's still so hard to see, and they're EVERYWHERE!

@keloisin7487

11 ай бұрын

yep

This described my mother so spot on. I'm in my 50s and still dealing with issues that I now know came from my upbringing. Thank you not only for the signs but for the ways we can deal with the fallout.

I was so relieved when my mother died. She waited to be 99 to do it but it really allowed me to breathe better. The best revenge is to lead a better life and to not repeat these traits when raising your own children. I went into therapy just to make sure I didn't parent in any of the same ways and in that process found myself. Having a mother that inwardly hates herself and outwardly hates her child is a very tough thing. When you see narcissism in any developing relationships run away as fast as you can. Don't allow yourself to have friends or partners who behave this way and re-injure you. That's been my. best strategy. I wish everyone happiness and healing. You are so brave and wonderful to be overcoming this.

Absolutely, you have described my mom. Never apologizes, she is always the victim, and on and on. I am 64 and she is 85. I cant have a decent phone call anymore. That is just the way it is. It is her problem, i am done.

@ECHO-echo-e.c.h.o..

6 ай бұрын

I had to respond to you because it seems like a lot of us are only now realizing that we had a narcissist as a mother. I’m 63 and just this past year figured it out. Thanks to U Tube. She’s passed on now but I really wish I could have told her how much she hurt me. I forgive her,(I think) but I really wish she knew. Thanks for letting me rant. 🙏✌️

@Sarah-with-an-H

4 ай бұрын

I'd rather no apology over the cycles of massive rage followed up with apologizing but never being truly sincere

@amybell4830

4 ай бұрын

I feel your pain! I am almost 60- she's 78--and i keep asking myself, will this ever end??

@patriciajdoucet

3 ай бұрын

I am 68, my mother is 92. It never ends until she passes, sadly. I had two marriages to narcs...because I was drawn to that. Didnt know what NPD was until age 62. I'm now happily married to a normal man and finding what true love is. Such a painful life because of allowing my mother to control me, put me down, keep me small, and shame me. I am mostly free now, but am her caregiver. It is hard! thank you for this channel.

@CandyAustin

Ай бұрын

@@patriciajdoucetMy mother just loves to put me down around her friends and church friends, and family, and even strangers…..to make herself seem superior. I’m 65. She’s 90. I’ve been asking her for over 5 years to STOP!!!! She hasn’t been capable so far. It’s like she’s got turrets and just blurts out things without stopping to consider how it might affect the person she’s talking about. She thinks it’s funny. I told her that was a boundary I must keep. That I can’t be around her if she doesn’t stop. Sounds like a simple request. She couldn’t stop so I haven’t been to see her in 1 1/2 years. She lives 4 hours away. By doing this, she has chosen the verbal cut downs over having a friendship with me. That hurt. I mourned for almost a year. As if my mother had died. Her 91st birthday is coming up and she will want me to come. I’m not going to. I need more time to heal. I’ll go up there again someday, but the first crack at me, and I’m grabbing my car keys and walking out her door.

This was my mom and my twin sister growing up. Two weeks after I turned 18 I moved abroad and cut contact. Later I went to therapy and was diagnosed with CPTSD. I always wonder how different my life would have been had I had a normal mom.

@joyceanderson8648

Жыл бұрын

You are not alone🙏💪🌺

@kayburachynsky3884

11 ай бұрын

I am 64 years old. I had a severely abusive mother who literally told me...."I can't love you; you are unlovable". She had a brief affair with a married man from another culture. She got pregnant and claimed my sister was my father's child. However, when she was born...she was "brown". The rest of us are caucasian. My sister and I were always close....but, my mother was hateful to me. To the extent of slapping me only, giving me worse food, Always criticizing me, forcing me to associate with an ex-prison inmate that raped me ( behind my father's back). Only a few examples. Both my parents have now passed. I lived with my father for four years, so he could pass at home. My mother passed first, and left everything to my sister. My father then passed and left Her, half of everything. I still love my sister; but my mother's lifetime of emotional abuse still haunts me to this day!! Be strong and survive.....💝

@Tetrahydrosaursrex

10 ай бұрын

I thought I was the only one! My mom and twin sister are like that. The betrayal especially from my twin sister. The ganging up against you, messing with your head in which they’ll both love you then hate you like mean girls, and told that your twin/family is so important to only be treated a certain way. You are always the problem and how we treat them is the problem, our reaction is wrong and it’s not something that occurred by their actions and constant years of abuse that lead you to have breakdowns and ‘freakouts’

@Justdrunk909

10 ай бұрын

i'm glad you were able to make things up.i'm 16 and i don't know if i can do the things like moving abroad and creating a new life for myself.Can you please give me some advice? loveee

@ec8164

11 күн бұрын

Twin sister also and my mum always a pack, as I got older realise how toxic my family is and have now cut contact ... x

I'm in complete shock. This video is the best video I ever watched on KZread. You just described my relationship w my mother. Thank you

My mom was a victim of childhood s*xual abuse and also other forms of abuse, and so was I (I don't want to downplay her experiences but my abuse was worse than hers though...). When I grew up it was like I was her parent and now she feels proud of being the caretaker (although I'm an adult!) and she's so strong for having a mentally unstable child with autism (me). She can never take criticism and I'm the sick and disabled one in the family, and everyone should look up to her for being a strong mother... I hate her and love her at the same time.

@rsviews2167

2 ай бұрын

The LOVE part comes from YOU. The HATE part comes from HER, and her tormentors. You're too good to hate. She put that into you. Easier to smash a chair to pieces than to build one. You're the strong one. Ask for healing, God will help you, as He's helping me right now. Peace be with you, you had the wrong mother, you should have had someone like you.

@TomboiiLinkZ

Ай бұрын

Yes I agree. My mother acts like she loves me but we always have the same argument and it truly makes me realize she doesn’t care. I’ve attempted suicide 5 times and most of the time she has forced me to stay home and not go to the hospital, once I fought her over my bag with my ID and insurance in it and had to walk to the ER. Crazy things but somehow I still love her and want her approval. It’s rough.

My situation is unique. I didn’t become the target of my mother’s abuse until I was an adult. Her second husband was the target then when they divorced I became her scapegoat. She actually fits most of the criteria for antisocial personality disorder. She went as far as sneaking around with my husband behind my back. Since my abuse didn’t begin until adulthood, I just started writing a book on my experience with adult abuse. Please wish me luck as recalling these memories is a bit painful but I think it will be therapeutic in the end.

@jenc3259

10 ай бұрын

My mother and I were very close growing up. I held her hand through a divorce in my teens. She became evil when I was with a man whom she did not approve. He and I are married with a gaggle of kids. She stole from us thousands from us, gave it to my brother. She made us homeless in a housing deal she backed out of. She allowed her husband to be physical and defended him denying what happened until years later. She has burned bread on my husband and I to soo many people, laying the ground work to have her defense lined up. I just cut ties. She is so toxic. She says I remember everything wrong. I lie all the time. It's just pathetic. I got a phone call recorder on my phone to show her how she is. She's never rude via text. She is verbally abusive in phone calls and now I have proof. She is an awful human. Just glad I woke to it.

@BBMc107

10 ай бұрын

If she were a narc, it started from day one. You were probably the Golden Child, the one who represented all of her real and imagined good points. I doubt you had interests of your own. You were her emotional support, her “friend”. You were to be perfect, yet not better than her. You smiled through it all, too. Didn’t you? Still settling for being number 2 in work and personal life? Not the star of your own show? As an adult, she lost her scapegoat (your stepfather) and turned on you. Sound familiar?

@kathy-annhart2632

9 ай бұрын

Good luck with your book 📚!

@lyndaparker977

9 ай бұрын

You are not alone. My mother tried her best to outshine me during my late teens and young adult years. She had a long affair with my husband during and for many months after my first pregnancy. I barely survived the betrayal. I wish you so much luck while navigating the painful memories. I recovered when I began to believe that I am a lovable person even though my mother was flawed and could not give me the emotional love that I craved. I am now 70 and she has passed away. I forgive her tortured earthy being. I feel whole.

@Name-sb1fr

9 ай бұрын

Unique situations can be difficult when there's no one who can relate or understand, comparing others as not as bad or worse. Many assumptions. Books bring understanding.

I am 63 years now (f). My mother was a narcissist and a (functional) alkoholic. From my early childhood I learned to manage her mood-swings, read the room, read her beahvior to react quickly if necessary (either calming her down or excuse me for doing "homework" or etc.). I learned to read the interactions between my parents so that I could put myself in front of them before they got violent against eacht other - I "managed" that they could get violent and/or berating/humiliating against myself, because it somehow felt "safer" for me as a child. Believe it or not - both my parents where respected and popular members of our church and in the neighorhood. When I was 17 I wrote in my diary: Ich bin nicht die, die ich bin. Ich bin die, die neben mir geht (I am not the person I am, I am the person walking by my side). How true that was. How wise I was as a teenager. Thank you, my beloved younger self. Thank you, Kati!

Kati, you made a HUGE difference in my life. You helped me to understand something that has been consuming my mental health, my sleep, my relationships, and my life for the last 5 years. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

I was once in a fairly bad one vehicle wreck on my way home from work about 8 or 9 years ago. Though I'm fully convinced my stepfather tried to kill me, that's a story for another time. About a month after the wreck, my mother was taking me to get some things out of the totaled car. During this time I had hit quite a low point. Being in active addiction and incredibly depressed and defeated I turned to my mother during a conversation and said "I wish I would have died in that wreck." Without skipping a beat and with the most attentive and sincere expression, my mother looked at me and responded, "buddy, so do I". I couldn't believe my ears. I just stared at her in disbelief. Then she quickly justifies her statement by saying "I hate seeing you suffer like you do". Homeless, unemployed, etc. Even though my parents were more than beyond fully capable of helping me to remedy the situation I was in, they refused to do so. As an adult, it's obvious my mother only loves me out of obligation and to appease her public image. I very earth-shattering realization that was.

@katrinestorebo

Ай бұрын

They sound truly awful. Sending strength!

When I was little, my mom would say "I brought you into this world and I can take you out of it" and one time I started crying because I realized it was a death threat. Then she acted like something must be wrong with me because I was so overly sensitive

@mistidawnramirez7036

Жыл бұрын

Mine said that too. I have never met anyone else who went through that. Thanks for sharing!

@missyr8056

Жыл бұрын

@@mistidawnramirez7036 Sorry this was normalized for you too. Hope you're doing well fam! 💗

@teelakovacs208

Жыл бұрын

Before we all knew Bill Cosby was a predator, there was a very famous bit in his special, Billy Cosby Himself, and that was something I think many, many parents quoted. I know my parents did. I knew they were ultimately joking

@quinncreel6091

Жыл бұрын

lol Wow that's so familiar. Not the death threat but blaming the abuse victim for feeling hurt due to being 'oversensitive'. The gaslighting was so potent that I believed it for most of my life: she convinced me I had a psychiatric disorder that made me 'oversensitive'. It was a way for her to manipulate and abuse me, without me ever complaining about it to others, cuz I thought I was "sick" and was ashamed of myself.

@NoirChloe

Жыл бұрын

Had I known that you'd be so stupid and ugly, I'd had an abortion when I had the chance

My mother was grudgingly capable of recognising that she had behaved badly. She dealt with that by entirely forgetting by the next time we spoke. Eventually I realized that taking personal responsibility for her actions was simply not possible, that healing the relationship was not possible. Coming to that realization almost cost me my life. I cut contact to a minimum, essentially went grey rock for the last five years of her life.

One thing I've noticed about my narcissistic mother is that she will apologize and she will do nice things to only try to regain that power and control and manipulation over you. Her apologies are never sincere because she continues to do the same thing over and over again. I think we forgive her and love her and hope for the best because that is our mother to only be disappointed time after time again. They will cry and admit all their wrong just so they can continue to treat you the same way they have always done. I'm starting to believe that narcissists are highly intelligent evil spiritual beings that will figure you out and do whatever makes you submit or be subservient to them.

@SnowySpiritRuby

3 ай бұрын

I keep telling my mom, "You might say you care, but you keep doing/saying XYZ, so I know you don't actually care as much as you claim."

My mom WAS a huge narcissist when I was around 8-14 years old and still is but she’s worked a lot on being better about it. I’m currently 15 and still have the memories of her yelling at me for things that weren’t my fault, telling me her life would be better without us (my family) because I wasn’t helping out enough during this event for my Girl Scouts, saying “go ahead and tell your friends how big of a b*tch your mom is!!!”, and asking me who my favorite parent is. Having a narcissist mom has made me a very angered, tense, and sensitive person; but it’s also made me a very patient person. We need to use this video not only as a “sign” but also as advice. If you plan to have children one day you need to be the strong one and break that chain. “It takes 5 minutes to clean up spilled milk. It takes much longer to clean up a broken spirit.”

@MyDuckSaysFucc

6 ай бұрын

I’m sorry to hear that. No child should undergo such abuse. You might want to look into borderline personality disorder as well. Best strategy is to become financially independent as soon as possible. Good luck.

My mom wasn't a nice lady at all. All these points hit home and I got all kinds of mental problems to go along with her abuse. Between her and my foster parents, that's 24 years of hell. I'm 35 now and on 6 different antidepressants and anxiety medicines. Be careful how you treat people. Words can hurt just like the actions.

@audreydoyle5268

10 ай бұрын

Yo, you do not need 6 anti depressants. They can counteract each other and make your depression worse. I'm on one, Mirtazapine, for sleep, and I take it every couple of days for the sedative effect (delayed sleep phase syndrome thanks to ADHD triggered by maternal emotional neglect). Please wean off those meds, and ask your doctor about trying ketamine nasal spray, since at 6 anti depressants, that's gotta scream treatment resistant depression. Anti depressants are meant for short term depression from a single traumatic event, not for chronic abuse survivors. I knew a girl who also had been abused and neglected as a child. She slept for +15 hours a day because of her meds, and the lack of sunlight, and enjoyment of life from the side effects of the meds were ironically making her even more depressed. Please, get off the meds. You. Cannot. Cure. Severe. Depression. With. Pills.

Something that was confusing for me when trying to determine if my mom was/is a narcissist is that my mom would (when I was a kid and young adult) completely shower me with love and could be very affectionate and encouraging. And then she would turn. It didn't occur to me until I was in my early 40's that it was because she was "grooming" me so I would be honorable and totally in love with her. It made me easier to manipulate when she had my heart. I don't allow my heart to go there anymore (which is sad but it is what it is) and it makes her absolutely crazy that she can't manipulate me. She majorly crossed a boundary when I was visiting her with my son a few years ago and I literally packed up our stuff and got on the first plane home. It was super dramatic and awful (and expensive) but it was the first time I made a dramatic "don't fuck with me (or my son)" move and it was TOTALLY worth it. Whether it had any effect on her, I don't really know but it showed me that I had power over myself and the situation, which led me to finally being proud of myself. I'm 47. I wish I hadn't waited to so long to make my statement.

@lisalomeli166

8 ай бұрын

Clapping 👏 🎉

@on_my_own_two_feet

8 ай бұрын

I got goosebump from reading your comment. Way to reclaim your power! Your son has a wonderful mother who can protect him. This is so important. Thanks for showing him what it means to have boundaries. 👍

@SoulsAwakening

7 ай бұрын

Sad to say but it most likely had no effect. She will probably continue being the same person almost as if you had left a video game on pause.

@ladyredd6857

7 ай бұрын

She turned my two adult kids against me now trying to do my younger kids been two months no contact It's like I have to train my self to not care😮

@allaynferry8746

7 ай бұрын

It’s very confusing! Good for you. It’s a lot to deal with emotionally and I always felt very alone in it. Good luck!

This video really hit home.. Growing up with a narcissistic mother- I experienced all 8 of these examples. Getting yelled at when I wanted to express myself and my interests that she couldn’t control, sharing private and embarrassing information to strangers, guilt tripping me and playing herself as the victim, raising me to do the things she never did/basically trying to turn me into her, and the list goes on. On the downhill slope to 18, and with the help of my dad I’ve gotten into therapy and am working towards breaking away from her. It’s a tough process, but this video helped a lot. Thank you

Thank you! Some of these hit me hard and I absolutely love that you said "we can only clean up our side of the street" I've always told my sister that I want to be the opposite kind of mother that my mom was. I want to be my kids' best friend, I want to stay and feel connected to them, and want to fix anything that might get in the way of our relationship. My mother plays victim with every argument we've ever been in and it it wild and annoying but I keep having to tell myself to set boundaries and that I CANNOT change someone who doesn't want to change.

I find myself parenting myself whilst parenting my son. I share love with him and with little me. I tell myself things I wish I heard as a child. I have also started grieving the loss of the parents I wanted.

@whereisyourhumanity7557

Жыл бұрын

That's beautiful!

@traceytansley1659

11 ай бұрын

Good for you❤

I would always tell them when I was a toddler that I wished I was never born. I also asked if I was adopted when I was three - I had hopes that my real and loving parents were somewhere out there. My disappointment in learning that they were my parents has been with me my entire life.

@Cla-ev1xp

9 ай бұрын

I had to "borrow" my friend's parents. They were caring and kind. Find yourself a loving friend that can make up some of the difference. It helped me through the worst of times. I could visit them and pretend my family didn't exist.

@inathi1329

8 ай бұрын

I also felt like this as a child. I was convinced my mother had lied about who my father was and had taken the wrong baby home from the hospital. That was the only thing that made sense to me. There was no way I belonged to my family.

@sedula2328

7 ай бұрын

One of my earliest memories (pre-school age) is asking my mom if I was adopted. I’d just been told what that meant and it seemed to explain her favouritism for my brother. Needless to say she was very annoyed with me. Heavens above! Why would you comfort a child that shows signs of feeling unloved?

@kathymcmc

6 ай бұрын

I also asked if I was adopted. She said yes. She told me my mom was the large nurse down the hall that was a different ethnicity.

@TheZandrag

6 ай бұрын

I first ran away at two. I last ran away at 16. I think I was 9 when I questioned whether I was adopted; secretly wished it but knew it wasn't true.

I didn't really notice it much as a child but those transition years into adulthood were extremely traumatizing. Being a latchkey kid & semi-raised by a single mother who took little to no time speaking to me but expecting me to somehow know how to move forward to full independence was neglectful to say the least. I was completely stunted and unprepared for the World and thrown to the wolves & what may seem easy for some was not so easy for me. When I dared to point this out to her in my late 50's I was accused of being abusive and that was the point at which I finally decided to go NO Contact. I can relate to much of what you had to share in this video & can say without a doubt that hell will have to freeze over before she ever acknowledges her neglect or apologizes. Lack of emotional empathy is an absolute. It's been at least 3 years since I had any contact with anyone in my family of origin. It's a form of being made the family scapegoat, at the same time as playing the victim & giving the impression that it is deserved when it is not. I'm not saying that I was, by any means, a perfect teenager, because I was not. But that is to be expected when growing up within such a dysfunctional family dynamic. Alcohol & drugs were the norm in my family. I hope some of you can relate. Cheers

Thanks a lot for this video!!! I am very grateful that you have explained this issue so well. I sent it to my brother's wife as my brother is my mother's "Golden Child," and she completely made them to be against me. Your video is honestly fantastic. Thank you so very much that you are helping people like myself who have narcistic mothers.

A nun from school came to my place, to tell my mother what a good student I was and how much potential I had. I was listening to the conversation from my room. My mother ran me into the ground, putting me down, criticising me for anything she could think of. Thanks mom...

@jozette-pierce

Жыл бұрын

Pray for Gods guidance. Be strong and create a great life for yourself, good student. How wonderful that you are accomplishing and growing, and can learn things so well. Let the nuns help you.

@merrynethery5853

Жыл бұрын

You made it outta there you Great Space Engineer! Mourn and keep moving forward like the dynamo you are!

@daodejing81

10 ай бұрын

Some people are turds.

This is exactly what I experienced as an adolescent and a young adult. Whenever I would stand up to my mother, she would play the martyr role that I should never"talk back" to her.

@katjamusiek40

Жыл бұрын

I find it that my opinion did not matter... She is never wrong never said I am sorry not a emotional human being never hugged us to this day if we want to hug her she turns her head so that we can kiss her on tge cheek and her hug is olso a sideway hug like get it over and done... So sad

@julietbaby6652

10 ай бұрын

The “you’re disrespectful” “I never talked to my mother like this “ mabye bc ur mom wasn’t like u??

Thank you for confirming the signs; I thought I was over-reacting & being a cry baby. People in my community don't walk away from their families, I'm the only one who did it - that's why I was questioning my decision a bit but you've just reassured me that I made the right decision.

I love my mom from a distance, I moved 5 states away from her. She still tried to control my life, tried taking my kids from me, tried ruining my happy marriage multiple times, she tried and almost succeeded but I didn't let it happen. I've spiritually disowned myself from her so I can finally be free. I have to accept the fact that she will never love me anymore. I do have some happy memories of us but not many. I've tried talking to my mom, apologizing to her, you name it! But she will never change.

Literally both my parents were like this... My mom has been seemingly making an effort lately, but I mean... 20 years too late. Thank you, Kati for this reminder. It's way too easy for children of narcissistic parents to internalize everything and beat themselves up.

@Katimorton

Жыл бұрын

I am so sorry :( And you are right.. due to the manipulation and gaslighting we can constantly think it's all our fault. I hope you have found support and have been able to start healing. xoxo

@ninamc6116

Жыл бұрын

Be careful of her making an effort. They do that & then revert to the same old stuff again. Not to hurt you or burst your bubble, but I’m probably older & more damaged.

@nicolejenkins2609

Жыл бұрын

Lovebombing. She wants to see if she has hooks in you. Maintain the grey rock.

@Calligraphybooster

Жыл бұрын

Had two too. One down, one to go.

@EmbraceTheStruggle24

Жыл бұрын

Blessings 👏👏🙏🙏

She always introduced me as " this is my daughter, the younger, prettier version of me" , I hated that statement so much. It came with so much condensing tone

@lisawentworth6831

8 ай бұрын

ooh, that sent chills down my spine!

Great video. Love how straight forward it's laid out here and that you included good tips after the signs for getting better. Thank you.

This video is SO ON POINT it’s made me feel much better, I am a 47 year old married father of two teenagers and I have only come to study my mothers behaviour recently and so much has fell into place, including how my father just backs down when she is raging or not getting the response she wants. Thanks Katy.

Narcissistic parents don't respect or care for any of your boundaries... It simply doesn't exist for them

@mariobryant8803

10 ай бұрын

Exactly

I am sad thinking about what a different life I might have had if this had not been my experience. I am in my 40's now and I'm only starting to stand up for myself.

@ladyredd6857

7 ай бұрын

Me to I'm 42 her only child and her and my dad was on crack in the80s she been of crack 30years successful but she hates my dad and treat me like crap she wants me to hate him but I don't she turn my kids against me to make her self look good I thought I was alone with mother's from hell😢

@jess_81

7 ай бұрын

I'm in my 40's as well. My mom and her selfishness cost me a relationship with my father knowing who he was and my virginity because she couldn't be bothered. Now as an adult she lies to her family about me. Thankfully they are seeing through her lies. Currently I am on the verge of losing my job. I'm really wondering if she has anything to do with it.

I like that she incorporates 5 WAYS TO HEAL in the latter half: even though it’s not the title of the video. It’s like a wonderful/helpful surprise ❤ to help us move forward. THANK YOU

This just completely amazed me at how tiny details in your examples are literally my mom, and me becoming a people pleaser.

This hit deep. It took me long into adulthood to realize what was going on. A couple years ago, I had decided to just completely shut her off because she just so toxic. It sucked because I definitely went through a mourning phase, but for my own mental health, it was the last resort

@kg3185

Жыл бұрын

you were really brave to leave. Well done!

@beladimitrescu3045

Жыл бұрын

and you only had to look out 4 u and hey there aint nothin at all wrong with that and same here in my own life but now i just refer it as existing becuz My life was stolen from me even to this very day, but yeah as I said b4 If they know how to behave in public then they do know how to behave in private. and we who have had enough of their B.S . I say just we go our own way becuz we dont owe them a darn thing and we dont need to justify ourselves to any1 , as long as we know who we r as an individual and as long as we love ourselves that my friend is what really matters and it is their loss not ours cuz we did nothing wrong. ok?

@kg3185

Жыл бұрын

@@beladimitrescu3045 Girl, don't give them that power! Get some thereay and/or meds and take your life back!

@beladimitrescu3045

Жыл бұрын

@@kg3185 I hear ya and thank u 4 wanting to reply , and as far as therapy goes been down that road and nawww therapy doesnt work cuz #1 the shrink tries to dissect you making you feel as though something is wrong with you and they the shrink always makes excuses for the abuser and belittles you and your feelings even more I know this firsthand cuz it was done to me and 2nd what the doctors think they can cure by giving ppl more drugs thinking that it will make everything good as new and that is a lie their drugs are just the same as if 1 was getting them from off the streets . and what happened to all of us is not in our heads so popping pills will not undo what years of abuse has done , well 4 me personally this is how I cope its not easy but your right about im no longer gonna let these ppl break me cuz I am taking my power back. :) and I send my best to all of you as well and all my love . :)

@karinastoffelen1070

Жыл бұрын

​@@kg3185 I think you've misunderstood Bela?

Like so many here, I went "no contact" with my mom (and my birth family) for a long time. I had no contact with one sibling for more than 15 years, and our contact now is only to discuss end-of-life planning for our mom. We have no personal contact. All four of us siblings had the same NPD mom, but I'm the only one that broke free. It was a long process into adulthood and I "needed" to go through a horrible marriage to an even bigger narcissist to get there, but I did. I'm still in therapy today. Lots to deal with, but I'm so much happier once I broke the cycle.

my mother broadcast my whole struggle with addiction on facebook to everyone we knew. newsflash, i used drugs to deal with my family trauma. i knew it was bad when family i never spoke to was sending me mail in a rehab facility that i never told anyone i was going to.

@user-qn4do7sh6i

5 ай бұрын

I can completely relate. So sorry you dealt with that. ❤️

You just unlocked so many doors to healing for me! Thank you so much. I've never had any therapist understand how the past has affected me and still does. This whole video explained to me a lot of my childhood, and how to heal from the psychological abuse that occurred.

The last major narc tantrum I witnessed from my mum, we were in her car, in motion. She said she wanted to cr@$h her vehicle and un-alive herself… and me. All I did was tell her my friends’ love life was not our business bc she asked a private question… I’ve never been so scared in my life. I’ve always remembered that day as the time my mum literally threatened to kill me. She isn’t diagnosed with NPD that I know of, but she has done a lot of these things. My siblings are similar. No one wants to acknowledge this. I’m the youngest of 5. I’m the one to break that cycle.

@MTheo-ms8oe

Жыл бұрын

My mum was threatening me that she will kill herself with a knife if I will not do something that she wants by holding the knife tight to her neck. She was also pulling her hair madly and knocking her head on the wall.

@violetamariposa2404

Жыл бұрын

@Fashion Phoenix my mom did the same thing when I was a child.

@Stephaniebeav

Жыл бұрын

Thank you for mentioning the sibling dynamic. It's similar for me. I am also the youngest, but my sister was the scapegoat. But she often took all the bent up negative energy from the abuse, out on me, the only one younger than her. Not many get it. They just say siblings just tease each other, to write it off. But in an environment of very limited "love," people will resort to very unhealthy means to get needs met, including future abuse. Anyway, just wanted to say I know what you mean and appreciate another person commenting on that sibling factor. Thank you.

@rogue6344

Жыл бұрын

My narc grandpa tried this with me! It was about 6 months after my grandma died & he lost his main source of supply. I’m his second source & golden grandchild. He asked me to go to the store with him & on our way home he tried to drive us into a tree going about 40mph!! I reached over & jerked the wheel!! I’m honestly surprised we didn’t go flipping!!!

@YeshuaLoves_You

Жыл бұрын

@@MTheo-ms8oe If this was in the recent past or you live with her, please consider calling the police or ambulance. Your Mom needs intervention. Please be safe❣

Something clicked. Being raised by my grandmother, she held the threat over my head that if I embarrassed her, she would send me to a girls home. After all, she’s doing this out of the goodness of her heart. In her mind, I owed her

@sage9836

Жыл бұрын

That is just flat-out cruel.

@Katimorton

Жыл бұрын

That's terrible!! I am so sorry she made you feel like a burden and used threats to get you to do what she wanted. :( I hope you are able to find the right help and support and begin healing from this. xoxo

@marcialogan7900

Жыл бұрын

Same here. I was adopted so they threatened to send me to a girls home. They would also say "if it wasn't for us you would be in an orphanage. Be grateful." Thank you Dr. Kati for all of your help. Your videos have truly helped with my healing. Just understanding is Golden!

@lanefaurot

Жыл бұрын

@@marcialogan7900 yes! I totally identify with you! I’m sorry…we made it though. We’re alive and here looking for healing ❤️‍🩹

@ellenscott6793

Жыл бұрын

That is horrible. Sorry you had to be abused like this. I wish you could of been raised by loving parents. My mom was similar, when I threatened to call the cops when her drunk boyfriend beat me up she told me I can move in with my dad(who was just as dysfunctional). When she and her boyfriend beat up my 5 year old nephew(he had bruises the shape of hands on his back) she threatened my sister if she called the cops as well. Looking back I wish the cops had been called to expose them for what they were. I had a therapist tell me I would of been better off in foster care because then I would know someone cared. I can't understand how anyone could be so cruel to a child.

Grateful for the depth of description in these signs and expressions 🙏🏾 this video added a deeper level of clarity than any other video I’ve watched

My mom is a narcissist who abandoned me as a teenager. it's because of your videos Kati I found a therapist. Your one of my heros Kati.