Point 2: do whatever you need to do to heal, don't let yourself remain a victim. Absolutely cut out the cancer, celebrate your scars and don't believe people that say you are a failure if you don't reconcile with the cheater. Some people can't be redeemed, some betrayals cannot be forgotten, some relationships cannot be saved.

@Sharon-777

Жыл бұрын

I don't think you're a failure for leaving I think your extremely brave good for you I hope you are happy ❤️

@cameronokeefe8446

11 ай бұрын

Not the “don’t be a victim” bs…

@amontii617

11 ай бұрын

Certainly not a failure! When you can look in the mirror and know in your heart you've done all you can, It takes courage to realize that it takes 2 people working, not 1 person working twice as hard. Wishing you a beautiful future as you move forward. Hugs

Should be obvious, but if US continues to speak with or maintain old AP relationships or starts hiding new ones, that is not moving forward.

Unfaithful people out there, listen to this video if you want to save your marriage. I spent 2 years trying to repair my marriage after my husband's infidelity and porn addiction. He did all the above toxic behaviours. I have now finally left him. A betrayed spouse needs to be able to justify **to themselves** reasons for staying with a cheating, lying person. A betrayed spouse needs to see an extreme effort to save the relationship to even consider that you may love them after what you have done. If you fight your patterns, ego and demons in order to be healthy for the one you love, there may be a chance. Being passive, lazy and avoidant = Divorce

@Iamforeveryummy

Жыл бұрын

Oh no :(

It has been 5 years, still struggling everyday with a lasting sense of shame, embarrassment, self loathing and intrusive thoughts. Some days I feel like an empty husk of the person I was before. I’ve been keeping my head down, retreating into myself and working/providing. I’m still able to function and I’m keeping above water. But anytime I’m alone with my thoughts I’m miserable. It’s a very lonely life now. Just found this channel and will be watching more videos. Thanks.

@Iamforeveryummy

Жыл бұрын

Let me know how you found ways to fix things. Please. I'm struggling as well and need some help

Wish my wife would put as much work in our relationship as she did in her affair. She over simplifies what she needs to do. I don’t know how long I can deal with this.

@Iamforeveryummy

Жыл бұрын

Has she done anything yet? If so what did she do? I need help reconciling and I feel horrible. I love my husband and I'm a cheater. Please, any help would be appreciated

@nicholesidla6233

Жыл бұрын

​@Julie Smith make everything in your life wide open. Watch videos, read, do the work and share with your husband things you've learned by doing said work. Have other accountability partners. Put in more work to your marriage than you did in your affair. Appreciate your husband and show it. LISTEN to him without getting defensive and mad no matter how mad he might be. These are things I wish my husband would do at least. He's doing some but not most and it's been a struggle

@rickycazares5262

Жыл бұрын

​@@Iamforeveryummy as a betrayed man now exhusband I Wholeheartedly agree with what @nicole commented to you and as Samuel said "Be intentional, action!! 🙏

Thanks for this video. I just had a talk yesterday with my unfaithful. I told him how much it hurts when I am sharing my pain, and his response is, " it hurts me, or I feel so shameful, " the end of our conversations are always how it effects him. He has had 2 years and 3 plus months of SA, therapist's, CSAT's, work groups, multiple sponsors, now EMDR. Yet, like everything else, my pain has to be about him.

@clintdeshazo2171

Жыл бұрын

Same. My wife who had an affair - whenever I share my feelings immediately cuts in and “ me too ! I am hell ! I am so ashamed …..” and it leads to her talking about how adults she feels etc.

@oceandove

Жыл бұрын

Sounds very much like these toxic spouses are narcissistic

@Iamforeveryummy

Жыл бұрын

I don't think he means to be selfish. I'm in the same position as him and I know I don't mean to be selfish but it comes out that way. Are you still divorced or did you reconcile?

Great video Samuel. Thank you for speaking about the importance of staying grounded during the holidays. Being my own hero and working on recovery is one of the best things I have done for myself this year. Finding Affair Recovery has been a game changer for me.

@samshealingpodcast

Жыл бұрын

thank you

I'm on the 5th listen threw in a row.. It's time to get the notebook. These videos help bring a lot of clearly to my thoughts that feel so incredibly scrambled. Thank you. As a male, it's weird to have a situation that affects every single part of your mental health. I've always been a very compartmentalized person. These videos have helped me understand things a lot better. I still have a long way to go, I'll probably listen to this one a dozen more times, at least. My recovery is wheels spinning at 70mph right now. This is very helpful today.

@Iamforeveryummy

Жыл бұрын

How did you do it? I'm having trouble. Please help

@kirox34

7 ай бұрын

Are you the unfaithful?

Thank you! This is so true. ❤

Again as usual this video too means a lot to me...lots of love across miles brother

Thank you so much for all you are sharing here to the greater human family who face these issues. You have helped my husband and I a lot ❤ gratitude …

On point and excellent

@samshealingpodcast

Жыл бұрын

thank you

Thankyou Sam....Again.💜

@samshealingpodcast

Жыл бұрын

thank you

Amen! This is another great video.Thank you, Samuel!

@samshealingpodcast

Жыл бұрын

thank you so much

Samuel, nearly 15 months ago, our house burned down and I had a sexual interaction and nearly didn't survive the confession, but things have changed dramatically and the victim mentality has been a part of my life. Doing anything and everything to make sure he was able to stay with me. I think I am conflicted by my natural passivity, his dominant nature, and the idea of a victim mentality 🤔 it can be confusing to be a victim in reality, am i? Is my life view, my outlook on the past, (and present) victim just a result of negating responsibility and trying to get out of acknowledging personal responsibility? I fear action, as I know how prone I am to take the pain rather than ask why it hurts. Thanks, my fellow Texan, there's a huge healing quilt in my chest that I swear I will be sending you someday. You and affair recovery have most literally (I don't improperly use that word) saved my life, and the happiness of my family! The quilt now is called new beginnings. May God keep you and yours in the palm of his hand. Merry Christmas and happy new year

Excellent video. My wife though - will listen to this and only lock up on the “victim mentality “ and tell me I am the victim and need to move forward. We are now 5 months DDay - and we are at the point of “ do not bring up the affair again ! I am done. I have said sorry a million times ! - that’s the past- so let’s move on to talking about YOU ! I am a good person and that was a mistake. Completely out of character for me ! I am doing my boundary work book so that is what I need - what are YOU doing betrayed partner ??”

I'm really struggling to heal Samuel! 😞 As the Unfaithful who also is traumatized I don't know what to do?? I am angry deep down and want Vengeance! How do I heal?

I was cheating on by my wife. We went through weeks and weeks of therapy, for almost two years. I can't still understand why, although she went through the motions, she was unresponsive to my pain and appeared resistant or cold to invest in recovery. Why did she go through that? In the beginning, I was willing to give her chances for trust restoration and I needed her responsiveness to keep being positive and optimist, but in the last six months, my energy was spent and I didn't have my heart into it, and so our sex life went to nil as I lost confidence in her. But I loved her. What a mess! You can guess how it ended.