TW: death thoughts. Death. Grief. SH. Story 1. I'm 12 my family got a beagle 2 months before I was born so I've had that dog my whole life she had cancer too but in her legs I had a full blown panic/anxiety attack the night before she died I had a feeling she'd be gone soon the night she died I took a picture 20 minutes before she died bc I had a feeling I'd never get any other chance to do so I was in my kitchen with her and she was laying down breathing loud like the past few days so I wasn't worried but wanted to calm her down so would to pet her while she layed in my lap/arms (my mom was outside 8 feet away I was inside she was yelling at my dad via phone call) so I was calming my down right I got up to get water and use the restroom. The loud heavy breaths stopped on my kitchen floor where she was with me. 3 minutes after I got up she stopped breathing her name is Chloe so I was getting water not really worrying much thinking she called down so getting water right so I'm like "Chloe? Chloe? Chloeee? Baby? CHLOE ARE YOU OKAY?" and immediately got my mom "mom can you check on Chloe pls... (Shaky af voice)" Mom: yes one sec. Me: NO now. Mom: okay. *we walk in* my dog started moving I didn't get my hopes up since ik it was probably muscle memory my mom started having a panic attack "yea... S-shes o-opening and closing her mouth.. 😭😭😭😭😭" my dad though the phone: I'm on my way rn. My oldest brother out the house with his gf getting dinner I think (his gf lives with us) my middle brother in his room playing game I was standing there while my mom was 10 feet away sitting on the couch mentally dying I was just standing there by my dog dead in disbelief I felt like sh*t I thought it was my fault I wasn't crying I was just numb everything went dark my head felt hot and heavy and I felt really sick (not the first time) it was an adrenaline rush again it's normal for me now days so I'm used to it now but I started hyperventilating panicking anxiety attack sets in I run to my brothers room and tell him he's walks in the kitchen like 5 minutes later no emotions says "what are we doing with her" while scratching his head not crying not looking numb not upset just normal... I get my iPad text my grandma her words "you okay baby?" me: idek anymore I'm just done with life depression, anxiety, Lexi ignoring me (Lexi is my cousin my only friend/reason for not kms though I want to so bad) my grandma: at least she was being pet by you she felt safe with you to go to sleep for the last time" me: I was alone... I'm alone again.... I was alone when she died" *My dad calls me* I answer. He was calling me while on his way driving the reason he hung up is bc I told him to focus on driving the day I found out she had cancer was three day before she died my parents knew 5 days prior they know I've always felt I kinda favorite my puppy bc she's smaller and I like cuddling her so I wish they would've told me bc I would've hung out with Chloe more but those three days I'd cry everyday looking a specific video from my old tiktok account where she was locked in my room with a box scratching the box being cute I found it the day she died her birthday was June 3rd she almost made 16 so it really hurt me she was the only one who can get me to stop crying/having an anxiety attack, or panic attack she was the one the only one I loved besides my other dog my other brother got home and for the first time ever he apologized to me which made me hug him and cry into his chest bc he'd never done that before "(my name) I'm sorry I wasn't here when she passed I love you" those words will never leave me bc they're so special from him I stayed up an hour writing this the sunbit now raising and I'm crying. The grieving sucks first disbelief 2nd panic attack 3rd emotional breakdown 4th done with it 5th NOPE NEVERMIND 6th kill me now 7th grades dropping again 8th finally opening to my mom about my feelings I've had since I was 8 aka death thoughts mental thoughts guilt hurt depression. And yk what she said? "Youre just saying that bc of tiktok" my screentime on tiktok on a week I film for my business (selling bracelets) it's 1 hour that's it 1 hour a week and that's just filming not even watching any

Sorry for the paragraph guys

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@Samxcolbyeditzz

5 ай бұрын

Ur second….

@user-qu2hb2fd8g

5 ай бұрын

@@Samxcolbyeditzz lol