"The worse part of growing up is finding out your parents never did."

@almondmilksoda

6 ай бұрын

😭

@robertafierro5592

3 ай бұрын

No one is perfect, but parents are supposed to care.

@vanillaoreo251

2 ай бұрын

Literally. It feels like I'm talking to a spoiled teenager when I talk to my mother

@khaulahfauzolazim7534

Ай бұрын

​@@vanillaoreo251same here pal its sucks that like we are the parents and the parents are children-

My mom is very judgmental and negative. It has taught me to be compassionate for people. If you don’t conform to her and hate people she’ll cut you off. I believe she has a personality disorder. All the literature I have read and therapy I put myself through, she fits in the NPD category. I love her and I always keep her in prayer. God delivered me from demons and I am utterly grateful!

@TaylorAmelia

11 ай бұрын

NPD and bpd are both cluster B personality disorders with overlapping symptoms. Her diagnosis is more likely BPD than NPD

@Daysleeper1000

5 ай бұрын

Sounds like my covert self righteous narc mom. Check out self righteous narcissists. My mom was diagnosed, and our dad was an alcoholic and refused to protect us from that monster.

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285

3 ай бұрын

Praise God

In her excellent book "Toxic Parents" Dr. Susan Forward defines what she calls The Inadequate Parent-"Constantly focusing on their own problems, they try to turn their children into mini-adults who take care of them."

@missfefeloves

28 күн бұрын

It’s worse for me I’m the adult when they want me to be and the child who shouldn’t have a mind of her own as well

My parents are Baby Boomers and this video describes them in great detail.

I often feel guilty second guessing anything my parents did because of the whole "honor thy mother and father" thing. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by how I think about my parents in any critical way, and also for any coldness or separation I've allowed to creep in. I feel that they did the best they could given their own childhoods.

@Sweet2kiss1

Жыл бұрын

I think I've allowed myself to block out the things my parents did in my childhood to fit my own narrative, also just saying they did their best, my husband has been instrumental in helping me to see it's okay that they aren't perfect, but I too jump to but they're my parents.

@DeeAnderson-oj2hr

Жыл бұрын

I always knew the wrong parenting my parents did, but as a child I didn't know how to verbalize or identity it. I only know the pain and shame it brought me. I also had much anger that carried on into my adult life. As an adult, I can acknowledge it, yet now I am able to forgive and have some compassion. I had two parents that were incapable of emotional maturity due to their upbringing. On my dad's side, I recognize that I'm the 3rd generation that grew up with trauma.

@beckynelson6786

11 ай бұрын

I forgive and love my parents,who have passed on.They did the best they could but both came from terribly difficult backgrounds and never really knew how to show us love because they had not been shown by their parents.They had sad lives and I regret that I kept away a lot.

@lahbibisanaa3318

10 ай бұрын

M

@jackilynpyzocha662

5 ай бұрын

I only "honor" when the person earns it. "Honor" is earned. Not automatically.

What was wonderful about my family? Nothing, and that breaks my heart as a 52 year-old woman. Both parents are emotionally immature. I went no contact with my dad 20 years ago, still stay in low-ish contact with my mom (they’ve been divorced 25 years, mom not remarried). We text, I call on major holidays, once-a-year short visits. All our conversations are superficial. Got back from our most recent visit a couple days ago and my husband for the first time (we’ve been married - happily, thankfully!! - 23 years) witnessed her gaslighting. She’s 75 now and is having more trouble “keeping up appearances” around him. I hate visiting her. She’s never been a maternal influence to me, and she’s not on the list of people I’d ever go to for advice. I’m an only child and to say I dread having to deal with her as she gets even older would be an understatement. We never had kids, because I saw the damage done to me and it wasn’t until it was too late that I realized I could move past my screwed-up psyche. The cycle was going to end with me.

bruh, this is so sad how basically all of the points you mentioned applied to my Dad. please pray for me and my father. he needs help fr.

this is my Dad to a T- he can't handle any perceived incompetence- he gets angry if food is slightly late in a restaurant and insults the waitstaff behind their backs, he gossips about other family members failings and refuses to acknowledge his mistakes when he insults people- he called one of his female managers incompetent TO HER FACE and wondered why she took it so personally. He has almost no regard for other people's feelings and it's been hard to live with the aftereffects of that kind of parenting

@karmasutra4774

3 ай бұрын

My mom was more like this. Never could figure out why she was mean and aggressive towards certain people and lecturing me about being a good person. She never made sense.

my mother’s famous response when I was getting abused by my ex was oh I’m to old to hear about this she could care less narcissist my dad was passive= no love growing up so how do we heal from this childhood stuff?

I just discovered your page. Wow this video really hits home, I experienced every single one of these things. My family does not see any of this and therefore I am the scapegoat by seeing the truth and setting healthy boundaries, and limiting contact with them. It’s sad but I’m also grateful that I’m not participating in the circus anymore. Thank you!

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285

3 ай бұрын

I feel ya

I relate to this. My parents sheltered me a ton and made alot of decisions for me so that I guess to a small extent gave me control issues. I have a hard time surrendering to God my plans for the life that he's given me, because for a long time, I felt like I didn't have a choice, so surrendering again made it hard.

@jackilynpyzocha662

5 ай бұрын

I have the same problem,due to the narc blaming me for what trouble he has caused. I no longer apoligize to him: my self-respect, self-esteem are back! Dad is my narc.

@missfefeloves

28 күн бұрын

This is me

Having to apologize to the narc for the things the narc did to you is useless and demeaning. "Supply" for the narcssit.

Yes, my mom was emotionally unavailable and still is, healing is a choice. Taking ownership and accountability is a major key with my mom. I had to set much needed boundaries with her and say goodbye. I am thankful for her taking on this sacrifice which has taught me the kind of woman, mother and person I am and want to be and I love her at a distance. I can’t wait for her to start her healing journey because it is beautiful and very rewarding. I am coming from a place of love.

Depends on your age, because I know my parents got married at an early age and then started having children right away ( because that's what they were told to do ) all the while not being emotionally mature for any of it. Being the last of those multiple children I witnessed a lot of what you're talking about.

Yes!!! Empathy is the key! Looking through the lense of empathy is what's missing! Connecting to another's pain and trying to understand how they might be feeling is empathy. I was not taught this growing up, this beautiful gift. I am now learning it and have found when I have empathy with myself it is much easier to have empathy with others. I really wish you would do a lesson on how empathy looks and acts. We really need this behavior as sons and daughters of God. Thanks Mark! I am so grateful for your teachings.

@lookupyourredemptiondrawsn7285

3 ай бұрын

Yes

Some of these points are simply profoundly accurate. I keep expecting my senior citizen parents to act their ages but it hasn't happened. How they "help" people but somehow make it about themselves is fun to witness.

Oh no, how come all 12 signs match with my experience 🥲😐

All 12 of these I can relate too. 😢 I wished for my parents to be emotionally strong but they were both so immature. It’s so heartbreaking. Thank you so much Mr. DeJesus

Dealing with all of that right now. Going through a hard time in life. But I learned I can't tell my dad or any of my family for that matter because th they bring me down. Suck the energy out of me, by bringing me negativity, or making light of a serious subject, I couldn't understand it and it hurt me to not call the people I thought I should, family that is. Example, when I have job problems, I am 50 now, and the 2 answers my dad has given me my whole life, when I was young "go sell pickles" everyone loves pickles! And now that I'm older it "go sell paintings on the corner". So annoying. Then I feel guilty for not laughing at him, cause everyone else thinks it's funny, while it hurts me deeply. But this is also the man when I was very young and crying would say "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" (meaning a spanking, not in an abusive way)? THANKYOU everything you said makes sense now. And will help me in this healing process. My Dad is 87 now and I so badly want to have a deeper relationship with him. But only God can change him now. I see that. The Holy Spirit led me to this video, and you just saved me Mark from my own self tonight as I was about to write Dad a letter, explaining how I need him to change. Hahaha yep! 😬

Just bought the book Mark recommends in the book. So far, very good! Great recommendation 😊 I’ve also bought the follow up ‘ self care’ book called ‘Self care for adults of emotionally immature parents.’ It helps to implement daily practices to honour your emotions and live with confidence. Looks really good. Great to read alongside Marks videos! As always….GREAT content, brother Mark! 🎊 🎉❤

I recognize my parents in these signs, but also a lot of the trades in myself....So there is a lot of work to do 😊🙏. Thankfully I am already growing in the direction of taking responsibility for my own emotions and so thankful that God is helping ❤

You described my mom perfectly. 😢

Man you must have met my mother cause this screamed her name

My parents are the main reason why I've been stucked in life for years. I'm always trying to help them but they're inmature and incapable or take care of themselves

Thank You ,this really needs to be addressed in the Christian community

Well....i now know my parents were emotionally immature. And now i know i followed to be the same. Almost every one of these are on point from what i remember of my parents and now me. I don't shame my children like i was shamed. I don't take anything out on my kids. And I'm not abusive like my dad was. I give almost no discipline to any of my kids. I don't show or know how to deal with emotion. And i have all daughters and a wife that's extremely emotional. It's difficult. The first few points on this video are almost exactly me. The last half of this video isn't me. But being the first few is enough to be hard to swallow.

@lollylula6399

11 күн бұрын

Jonice Webb's book Running on Empty goes over emotional neglect that comes from having emotionally immature parents, how to heal from it, and has a chapter dedicated to how to help your own children. I can't recommend it enough. I think society on the whole was not emotionally or psychologically healthy so it wasn't directly the previous generations faults, they didn't know any better. Now we're starting to know better we can start to do better. Part of evolution.

Thanks Mark! Can you post a video on How do you deal with this?

Hi mark, could the “inner critic” also be the adults you spent the most time around? Not just your parents?

@Sweet2kiss1

Жыл бұрын

My thought exactly

@bethanysaxton7351

Жыл бұрын

I was thinking of an elder sister, too, who was a bit of a bully and had a profound impact on how I saw myself.

@nikstar1313

2 ай бұрын

Yes 🙌 in schema therapy it’s called the punitive parent voice that we need to combat ❤

@BonBonHassan

Ай бұрын

Yes anyone that was a "parental impactor" for me it was my mom, aunt and grandmother

Off the subject but I really really like those lamps and soft lighting. Very easy on the eyes. And high quality microphone. Makes listening & watching such a more enjoyable experience

This describes my parents and others 100%. I keep being told I need to let go and forgive. I don't know how to get all of the negative words spoken to me moreso than positive and neglect, out of my head.

Mark D... thank you brother. I enjoy your breakdown and ability as a teacher. You have great vocal tone and I enjoy your voice. God bless my dude!

Are we emotionally immature because we had emotionally immature parents? How can we develop?

i understand all these..you did again. God bless you

They checked out for all of them. I'm running away today and I need prayers.

@lollylula6399

5 ай бұрын

If you went through with it I hope you ended up somewhere safe. If you didn't go through with it please seek safe people you can go to or get plans together to become financially independent as soon as you can. Christ is with all of us all the time, always ask him for help or anything you need, you'll always be answered not always straight away or in obvious ways but the answers will always come. Love to you.

This channel has helped me a lot in this journey 💖

Hurt people, hurt people.

@EIizabethGrace

Ай бұрын

I mean, not really, though? Not every person who hurts others has been particularly hurt, and plenty of hurt people not only don’t hurt others, but are especially compassionate and empathetic people who make sure others don’t have to go through the same pain or that they get help in going through it.

Really thankful for your content Mark! Its been truly blessing me as i try to heal from brokenness that stems from addiction that stems from the emotional neglect I experienced as a child but didn’t realize it until adulthood. This is incredibly difficult journey smh

Bwahaha! Adulting has been so harsh, and yes, this is the first time I've seen this concept. Oh thank you God, you always provide a way! ❤🎉

This is really eye opening video. We become part of many systems , where focus of the system is to make you feel bad about yourself to get what they want. For past 1-2 years I am part of such systems and this would help me get out of it. Since I joined I never felt great about me. There is constant exploitation under guise of seva and I personally feel you are made to believe something and their beliefs are throttled down your neck.

I'm listening to that audiobook by Lindsay Gibson. Can't stop nodding all the way through...

You hit the nail right on the head @ #9&10, I want to thank you for helping me recognize without a doubt that I am from a dysfunctional family, I used to think that they only involves an addict or alcoholic...I seen your other video of the types of dysfunctional familes and it led me to this one...thank you!!

This is why having parents who do not know God, causes all sorts of issues

Thank you. 🙏🏻💖

I remember being taught in school when I was very young, how to relate to others by connecting it to something personal. I function in this alot because it was what I was taught. So this is narcissistic?

Thank you

Great video, as usual. Thank you, Mark. I wanted to recommend another book on childhood emotional neglect that I found very helpful. It speaks to different parenting styles and the effect they can have: Running On Empty: Healing from Childhood Emotional Neglect by Jonice Webb

@marktdejesus

Жыл бұрын

Thanks!

@dreamiedips8624

10 ай бұрын

Wow... Thank you so much. ❤️🌼

😮 Thanks

This sounds like my parents.

Mom still carrying her trauma and dad still thinks money solves things. Can’t identify their emotions is correct. They provided well but we have no family as they divorced. I forgive them about 25yrs old. I’m 45 now but still don’t understand why I have not fulfilled there this is family and we’re all happy fantasy. They know they’ve fallen short in many ways but still can’t discuss it in any healthy way. They do still support me and my brother and we do them best we can but we both have sons now and have never had their grandparents bond with them even though they do love them and are proud. Gods grace will have to be sufficient I guess. I hope I get the chance and can get into position to be an awesome grandfather for my sons and their families. Learned what to do and not to do from my good but crazy family and being bullied for being sensitive. I’m not perfect either but told my sons that much and give them a voice always even if I remain in authority in the important things in life. We all fall short I just when you can’t have that discussion. Children want to love and understand if you will give them the chance. They don’t know anything we or culture doesn’t teach them. Best wishes to all adults or mothers and fathers. What ever hurt you have or have done it’s never too late to start doing right even though some things you can’t change…..not an excuse

The only issue I have with this is it implied that emotionally immature parents are just products of trauma and cannot see the problem and change it. While I accept the role of trauma in affecting emotional regulation, I reject the idea that moral reasoning doesn't inform parents that they should change. A failure to change implies a motive that is not directed towards the good but rather towards their own selfish desires and interests.

@lkb3rd

3 ай бұрын

I don't let them off the hook either. With my parent, I laid it all out calmly what the bad behaviors were, how it was hurting me and everyone around them. Numerous times. They pretended to agree, and I said ok, and there was NO CHANGE whatsoever. Not even one day. They just acted the same old way. The problem was my bitching, not their behavior, so when I stopped(due to their lying promises), problem solved.

@MsLondondude

3 ай бұрын

@@lkb3rd I tend to agree with you here.

Omf- I just clicked this randomly, but I would've never guessed that every single point would apply to my mother. I've already cut my father out 2 years ago at age 18. He was an obvious narcissist that my step sisters (who he lived with at the time) warned me about. The last thing I wanna do is cut my mum out of my life, but I feel like my sanity is on the line. I'm so exhausted tbh I don't know what to do. Nothing gets through to her. Not even her own mother.

Yes

Compassionate share, safe.....

I could almost swear this is the Royal We

👋🏻👏🏻

Ouch

No one ever really psychologically grows up there toys just get bigger

18:00

😂 ♥

My mom was not, but my dad 100 percent adult child with no responsibility or not serious

I just started reading the book that you recommended and this explains a lot for me regarding my parents. Thank you! 🪻